Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s04e07 Episode Script

Previously on "Lois and Clark:" Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Hey, relax, Lois.
It's not loaded.
This is almost too easy.
- Kill Sykes, frame Lois.
|- Turn to your left.
This is my wife we're talking about here.
I'm warning you, do not try and turn this|into some kind of campaign stunt.
Oh, my God, it's Lois Lane! She's got a gun! Lois, hold on.
What are you? I'm afraid you're being|bound over for trial, Lois.
She was seen stalking a key witness|with a gun? It wasn't Lois.
- It was an hallucination.
|- A what? You told me you'd tell me|if things got too bad.
And if I did, you would go off|and do something crazy.
Do you love Lois Lane, Superman? Lois has a bit of a temper, you see.
Sykes almost ruined her career.
Sykes almost ruined her career.
And she told me in no uncertain terms|that one day she'd get even with him.
- I'm guilty.
|- What? The people of Metropolis have found you guilty|of murder in the first degree.
But none of that can deter me|from the sacred duty that you have entrusted|into my hands.
The tragic fact that Lois Lane|was one of our leading citizens is only further proof that in Metropolis,|no one is above the law.
I believe the sentence of death|is wholly fitting.
The crime itself caught on video tape.
The motive established by the shocking|testimony of Perry White, editor of the Turn that thing off! They wanna execute my wife, Perry.
Son, "it's " It's late.
You've been through hell.
Why don't you go on home.
There's nothing there for me.
Clark " I've" been on the phone|with the DA all day.
I never testified against Lois.
You believe me, don't you? Of course I believe you, chief.
It was a trick, and we'll figure it "out " but right now, I just Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
If there's anything I can do.
Will the defendant please rise.
Lois Lane, the people of Metropolis|have found you guilty of murder in the first degree.
Guilty of murder in the first degree.
Guilty of murder in the first degree.
Clark.
Superman? What are you doing? It's okay.
|There's no one in the next cell.
The whole place is asleep.
I have been dreaming about you all night.
When I saw you standing there,|I thought I was dreaming.
Oh, God, I'm so scared.
Clark, you gotta go,|they check my cell every 20 minutes.
I am going.
- And so are you.
|- What? I'm taking you out of here.
What do you mean|you're taking me out of here? I lay on that cot every single night wishing that that's|just what you'll do, but you can't.
Don't you understand|what that would do to you? The issue here isn't me, it's you.
You are the person that I love|more than anything in life.
I'm not gonna watch my wife sit in "jail " waiting to die|for something she didn't "do " no matter what happens to me.
- You've spent your life serving justice.
|- Exactly.
And you're innocent.
|Together, we're gonna prove that.
Now, if that isn't serving justice,|I don't know what is.
You being irrational.
I sort of love that.
Come on.
- You sure about this?|- I'm sure that I love you.
Memo to self: Did Machiavelli|have a point of view on revenge? Find out.
Now,|access needed to STAR Labs.
Must find space|to stash hallucination generator.
Send front page of "Daily Planet"|out for framing.
Wolcott, are you getting all this? I don't get why|we write everything down - when you've recorded it.
|- Backup, Wolcott.
Backup is all that stands between us and systems|- Systems failure.
I know.
- Think anyone knows we're up here?|- Of course not.
This bell tower has been abandoned|for over 30 years.
I selected it myself in the event,|however unlikely " that" I'd be masterminding a plot to|ruin my enemies and murder thousands.
Good thing I took the time.
Memo to self: Buy rattrap.
Lois Lane is taken care of.
- What's next?|- Targets two and three.
Dr.
Klein, my former boss|at STAR Labs and Superman,|muscle-bound goody-goody.
It's all part of an equation, Wolcott.
Klein found out I was selling weapons|technology to unfriendly nations.
He fired me from STAR Labs blabbing the story to Lois Lane,|who printed it and to Superman,|who captured me and took me to jail.
This, multiplied by years|of simmering hatred and stifled genius equals what?|Revenge.
Revenge.
Revenge.
That's like what? New math? Sheila, I told you never to come here|unless it was an emergency.
Well, I consider myself going mental|an emergency, all right? Excuse me for living.
- What is it now?|- I just got this feeling.
I mean, I shot that video.
|They show it in court.
Lois Lane is gonna die.
I'm getting hot flashes here.
I wouldn't worry about going mental,|Sheila.
That would require mentality.
And you can't feel guilt.
I hired you|because you're completely immoral.
Well, I never got anybody|killed before.
No? Well, I did.
And if you think of breathing|a word of this to anyone you'll be just another head on my wall.
You have heads? I speak metaphorically.
Goodbye.
- You see any cops?|- Nope.
Listen to us.
Just to meet us, you'd never think|of us as Bonnie and Clyde.
Of course, there's no Clyde.
- I'm the one who's a hardened criminal.
|- Honey, you are not a hardened criminal.
- Well, I'm a wanted fugitive.
|- There's a big difference.
That's very comforting.
Remember that TV show, "The Fugitive?"|Richard Kimble was the fugitive.
He was wrongly convicted.
|He escaped to prove his innocence and eventually he did.
How long did it take? I think the show ran four years.
I didn't even pack a toothbrush.
It sure has been stormy lately.
I wonder how bad it's gonna get.
And as District Attorney I can assure you that this office|will not rest until mad-dog killer, Lois Lane,|is brought to justice.
- Mad-dog killer.
|- Honey.
State Troopers are|scouring the state for "Mad-Dog.
" Oh, now it's just "Mad-Dog.
" And although Superman is not|a suspect at this time his involvement in the escape|has been called into question.
Anyone spotting Superman So now they're watching the skies too.
I knew they would be.
|That's why we're not flying.
But you could fly fast enough|to be invisible.
Yeah, but you'd be vaporized.
Vaporized.
That would be bad.
|Vaporized.
That would be bad.
Oh, Clark, I know this is it.
This is it.
Honey, all we have to do is just|be very careful, lay low, and we'll be - All available units prepare|- What? - " to divert outbound Metropolis traffic.
"|- What are you hearing? Maybe we're gonna have to lay|a little lower than I thought.
I just picked up a police call.
They're setting up roadblocks.
Isn't this place called the Cozy Motel? Yeah.
Well, they lied.
Sorry about the room.
It's probably|the best we're gonna do tonight.
Well, I'm sorry I got|a little upset in the car.
First time you hear yourself called|Mad-Dog, you get upset.
Anyone would.
Well, you know, we never did have|an out-of-town honeymoon.
And this is definitely out-of-town.
You know how to show a girl|a good time.
What? Open up.
Open up.
It's the police.
Police.
Open up, now.
Just a minute.
- Sir, are you alone here?|- Here? Right here in this room? - Yeah.
|- Have you noticed a madwoman about? - What kind of madwoman?|- Vicious, homicidal, maniacal.
- A handful.
|- "Mad-Dog" Lane.
- Was that a creak?|- What? - Thought I heard one.
|- I didn't.
- Could swear I heard a creak.
|- Wasn't a creak.
- No creak.
|- No creak at all.
Well, I'll keep my eye peeled|for that lunatic.
A guy can never be too careful.
- Thanks, officer.
|- Thank you, sir.
That lunatic? A guy can never be too careful? Honey, what did you want me to say? Lighten up, officer,|I'm married to that lunatic? Well, even if am a lunatic,|I'm still your lunatic.
You know that's what I think, honey.
- Thank you.
|- Sure.
You know, Clark I am so grateful to be|out of that prison cell and here with you.
But I just I never actually thought that That we would be dodging roadblocks|and hiding from cops.
I mean, we can't spend|the rest of our lives like this.
Which is why we're gonna|unravel this case " and" figure out who's framing you.
Here's that list of anyone|with a grudge against you.
And those are just my relatives.
It's the people you sent to jail.
Not everyone, just scientists.
Making an entire courtroom think|that Perry was testifying against you took some pretty|advanced technology.
So did making a gun|fire a bullet all by itself.
Whoever it was must have been|angry to devise a scheme like that.
Well, traditionally, people who get|sent to jail are pretty angry.
Do you think you could|narrow it down to the three angriest? You know all I wanted was to get to the bottom|of a problem and make it better.
I'm beginning to think people|don't appreciate that anymore.
All they do is take the "Daily Planet"|and wrap old fish in it and I get convicted of murder.
Well, I appreciate it, honey.
Let's get to work.
See, this list isn't so bad.
Five people threatened to sue you.
Well, that's not so awful.
Two hundred threatened to kill you.
Yeah, but only six have the background|to create those hallucinations.
Don't be upset, honey.
You follow your heart.
You do the right thing.
That why you love me? And you have a really great body.
This being a hard-bitten newswoman|sure is more fun than it used to be.
The Project K reports|are on your desk, Bernard.
You'd better review them|since I obviously have no credibility.
Congratulations on your promotion.
Bains, I didn't wanna be|New Projects chief.
I didn't ask.
I know you wanted it.
|I don't even like Project K.
Of course you don't.
It was my idea.
I just think the Defense Department|has enough ways of turning a bajillion people into toast.
But not like this.
Not in seconds.
- Leaving buildings completely intact.
|- I know, I know.
You've seen how lethal kryptonite|is to Superman.
My Hybrid Kryptonite|is equally dangerous to Earth humans.
Or it would be " if" you hadn't thrown a wrench in|the works by tattling on Professor Cole.
- The man was unhinged and unstable.
|- The man was brilliant.
He was this close to a method of|exposing millions to Hybrid K at once and you sent him to jail.
|- I did not personally send him to jail.
There are laws against what he did.
Visionaries should be exempt|from the laws of lesser mortals.
You're sounding a little|unhinged and unstable yourself.
Bains.
Oh, Bains.
I'm sorry if I sound a little cranky.
|I'm under a lot of pressure.
But even you should see|Cole had to be stopped.
Bains? Test worked.
He bought|the Bains hallucination completely.
But even you should But even you should see|Cole had to be stopped.
But I wasn't stopped.
I can expose millions to Hybrid Kryptonite|while you're not even close to a method.
All I need is the Hybrid K.
Memo to self: Devise added revenge " for," quote, "unhinged and unstable,"|unquote, remark.
What do we do with him? Well, I'm about to annihilate|quite a few folks in Metropolis.
The more the merrier.
- Yes?|- "This is your best friend in the world.
" The one who handed you|a murder conviction and possibly the governorship.
Who the hell are you? Someone you want as your best friend not your worst enemy.
The Lane woman is still on the loose.
- I know that.
|- "Then you also know " your poll numbers are falling|like parakeet droppings in a birdcage.
- All I have to do is bring in Lois Lane.
|- That's exactly what you have to do.
Or I just might have to reveal a certain|destroying of evidence on your part.
No one can accuse me|of destroying evidence.
I have it under my control at all times.
Have it right now, do you? - Of course.
|- "Because if anyone were to find" it you'd be finished.
Of course I have it.
You're breathing awfully hard, counselor.
I didn't rise to this prominent "position " by losing things.
You lost Lois Lane.
Find her or you'll lose everything.
I got your note back at the motel.
Sorry it took me so long.
Metropolis P.
D.
Took forever|questioning me about you.
- You sure this place is safe?|- I had to get out of that room.
At least out here in the country|I don't feel like such a fugitive.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
|- Honey, don't panic.
Don't panic.
Don't panic.
|Yes, don't panic.
Has the bullet I supposedly fired|turned up? No.
It vanished from evidence lockup.
If we could just find that Sheila that woman that taped|that eyewitness video.
She sort of vanished too.
Do we have the whereabouts of|the guys we came up with on that list? Not exactly.
You let me know|when it is a good time to panic.
Your mother left 45 messages|telling you to call her.
- There you go.
Now I'll panic.
|- Ready, miss? We weren't gonna have anything.
Actually, I would like a chicken sandwich|on sourdough with a slice of onion and no mayonnaise,|some Dijon mustard on the side.
If you don't have sourdough,|seven grain will be fine.
And I'd like some iced chamomile tea|with a slice of lemon, no lime.
And some boysenberry pie.
Just a piece.
Heated to room temperature.
- Sir?|- Nothing.
Thank you.
- Honey?|- What? I'm no expert, but I think|that when you're on the "lam " you forego the subtleties of cuisine|in favor of staying low-key.
Clark, being in jail reminded me that every breath of free air|should be savored as special.
- Where you going?|- Forgot to ask for a dill pickle.
Excuse me, sir?|Do you think I could get some? I know who you are.
Excuse me.
- Well, obviously, the jig is up.
|- Honey - I'm turning myself in.
|- I'm trying to super-hear.
When you're standing|this close and talking " it's" like you're sticking|a knife in my head.
Honey, so if you could stop|for just a second, please? I'm sorry.
I'll stop talking.
Unfortunately, so did they.
- Thanks.
|- All right.
I told him I hadn't seen anyone.
I'm Lou.
Like I said, I know who you are.
Everyday people like me,|we worry about keeping our families safe|and our businesses open.
We have small lives.
But you fight for us|when we can't do it ourselves.
I just want you to know|we appreciate it.
And I'm real sure you didn't|kill anyone, Miss Lane.
This tape, which I will give to the cops will ease my tortured conscience.
Lois Lane,|like so many women before her is a pawn in a bigger game.
A dupe in a scurrilous scheme.
A A puppet in a putrid ploy.
Thanks for coming.
I need to talk to you.
Let's go over here.
Please, let's talk over here|where no one can see us.
No.
Please.
No! You didn't have to come into town,|you know.
- It's just not all that safe.
|- Clark, I'm fine.
You change your whole identity|with a pair of glasses.
I've gone the extra mile here.
I could've run down a few leads|on my own.
That's all.
We're a team.
|I don't want you doing all the "work " " just" because I've been inconvenienced.
Inconvenienced? Honey, you've been sent to death row.
Anyway, I wanna find out more|about that bullet disappearing.
So why don't you go|check in at the "Planet?" Okay, fine.
I'll meet you Victim is a female, Sheila Danko.
Police call.
That woman who taped|you holding the gun on Sykes was just murdered.
|- Sheila.
And they found a hidden video camera|at the crime scene.
Maybe Superman ought to go|check out that camera.
Great idea.
Go.
|Let's see some tights.
I'm going, I'm going.
Jeez.
I been tailing Kent|since he got back into town.
He's with a woman.
Yeah, that's her.
- Are you receiving?|- Yes, yes.
Got her.
Now, if this woman had, say, dark hair.
And we took off a little makeup and the glasses.
Well, surprise, surprise.
Oh, Clark.
There you are.
|I've been worried sick about Lois.
- How is she?|- How is she, chief? - She's at large.
|- Yeah but how is she? Are you assuming|that I know where she is? I'm assuming that I know you, son.
She's doing okay, chief.
You tell her we love her.
Thanks, chief.
I'm trying to find anyone|who might be doing research|in creating hallucinations " but" I'm coming up dry.
You sure Superman really saw|what he said he saw? - Think he could have been?|- Hallucinating? Yes, he was hallucinating.
But somebody made him hallucinate|what he hallucinated.
Oh, I see.
Your brain can be stimulated to make|you think you're tasting something.
Someone found a way to make|you think you're seeing something.
Well, whoever it is, he's not here.
Of course, I won't rest until I find him.
This tape, which I will give to the cops will ease my tortured conscience.
- Lois Lane|- The lady who taped Lois shooting Holding the gun|that somehow shot that guy.
- The woman on this tape was murdered.
|- What? - Where'd this come from?|- A hidden video camera.
Superman was at the crime scene.
He took the tape to forensics|and made me a copy.
Thanks for coming.
I need to talk to you.
Let's go over here.
Please, let's talk over here|where no one can see us.
Please.
No! She must've been trying to get|someone to talk to her on tape " but" we'll never know who.
Conference room.
Yeah.
I'd be interested in a meeting.
I'm at the park|across from the Hall of Justice.
I hope you're kidding.
No, no.
Wait.
|Why would you be kidding? I have news.
Hurry.
Man.
It looks like there's some image|reflected in this piece of mirror right here.
|- It's so tiny.
But a lab could|blow the image way up.
- Just try it, okay?|- Sure.
C.
K are you all right?|- Yeah, Jimmy.
I'm sorry.
- I just got a lot on my mind.
|- I know.
Tell Lois we miss her.
Yeah.
- Can I ask you a question?|- Yes, sweetheart.
Are you crazy? The guy who put you away|is right in there.
You are upset.
Your suit's showing.
I've got news.
So do I.
Recognize him? Yeah.
Professor Jefferson Cole.
- Is he out?|- I think he just murdered someone.
What? Who? That woman who|videotaped you shooting Holding that gun|that somehow shot Sykes.
- He's connected to her?|- And to you.
He's right there on the list of people|who hated you And could've created the hallucination.
You, me, and Dr.
Klein put him away.
|He was not very happy.
With any of us.
|The guy is a mechanical genius.
If anyone could make a bullet fire|without a trigger being pulled, it's him.
Which brings me to my news.
|I found out about that bullet casing.
At 11:05, it was in evidence lockup|when the guard was called away.
And when he returned at 11: 10,|it was gone.
I got a hold of the phone records.
|Guess where the call came from.
The DA's office.
You are the best.
Maybe I'll should do that "hover|around the building and x-ray" thing.
I was hoping you would.
Please don't do anything|adventurous while I'm gone.
I will remain completely inconspicuous.
Oh, just do it.
Hello, Mother? It's me.
I'm, you know, fine.
L I walked out, Mother.
|It's a long story.
Well, I'm sorry this has taken|such a terrible toll on you.
I'm sorry that you had to|double your medication.
Yes, I know medication is not cheap.
What? Bloodhounds lose the scent|if I hide in water? I'll try and remember that.
|I've gotta go.
I just didn't want you|to worry.
Really.
I'm I'm perfectly safe.
Lois Lane will be brought to justice.
That is what I called you here to say.
The faulty cell door that allowed her|to escape is being investigated and security measures will be tripled|when this ruthless killer is once again behind bars.
Rest assured that this administration|will not sleep while "Mad-Dog" Lane is at large.
No one is above the law.
|Thank you.
Mr.
Clemmons, is there any speculation|as to where "Mad-Dog"? I had nothing to do with that.
|They just showed up.
I checked the whole building.
If the DA is hiding the bullet,|it's not in there.
You know what?|If he was really nervous - He'd keep it really close.
|- That was my thought.
- No more questions.
|- One more.
- One question, Mr.
Clemmons.
|- I've nothing to say.
"Daily Planet" wants to know - Get off!|- Sorry about that, sir.
I'm really sorry.
I am sorry.
Sorry about I'm sorry.
- Really sorry.
|- Calm down.
Sorry.
Sorry, sir.
Dropping him again was a nice touch.
Someone that slippery|is tough to hold onto.
Any luck? You are the best.
No, I haven't looked|at the vacation schedules.
Do you understand? I am a scientist.
What? No, I haven't thought about|the Christmas party.
Superman, don't ever|become an administrator.
My life is a living hell.
- Heigh ho, Dr.
Klein.
|- Heigh ho? I'm here on a matter|of national security.
A terrorist cell|has become aware of Project K.
You know about Project K? I have the highest|security clearance.
Otherwise, I couldn't be in this room.
The Defense Department wants|the Hybrid K moved to storage until security|can be implemented here.
Superman, it's deadly stuff.
- I suppose you have written orders.
|- Of course.
Fetch the Hybrid Kryptonite.
|I'll instruct you where to take it.
You see what I mean, Superman? If I weren't New Projects Chief,|I wouldn't be stuck doing this stuff.
- Yes, Dr.
Klein, I see what you mean.
|- Yes, Dr.
Klein, I see what you mean.
You obviously weren't ready|for promotion.
That's a little rude.
- Hey, if the shoe fits.
|- Heigh ho.
It's an alley between|Gold Street and Hudson.
Third door.
Meet you there.
Clark.
I'm fine.
Really.
Just promise you won't|take any more chances.
All right.
I'll go back to the motel,|but get that bullet to STAR Labs.
- Fine.
Just be careful.
|- Of course.
Besides, what else|could possibly happen? Don't even gasp.
What do you want? I'm making a citizen's arrest.
Superman.
Dr.
Klein, I need to see you.
- You just saw me.
|- I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
You know.
|- Where'd I see you? No I don't.
- You don't know?|- I have no idea.
You and I didn't just "go " on a secret mission?|- No.
- We didn't move the Hybrid Kryptonite?|- No.
- We didn't take it to safekeeping?|- No.
Superman, forgive me,|but you are losing it, my boy.
Dr.
Klein, what is Hybrid Kryptonite? The most dangerous substance|in the world.
It was the government's idea.
- You just took it somewhere?|- To a drop off point.
So special agents|could place it in safekeeping.
- God.
If you didn't tell me to, who did?|- A hallucination.
- That's completely unauthorized.
|- Yes, it is.
I have a feeling that Hybrid Kryptonite|is now in the hands of Jefferson Cole.
Oh, I hope not.
He's insane.
I'd like a cocktail now.
Dr.
Klein, I need you to tell me|where this drop off point is.
I'll try and find that stuff,|but is it deadly to me too? It can pretty much destroy anyone|without harming property " so" it's environmentally friendly.
While I'm gone, I want you|to microanalyze this bullet casing.
I think that Cole rigged it to fire|so he could frame Lois Lane.
No calls.
What? No, I haven't No.
Oh, no.
Apparently there was|just a news bulletin.
Anonymous sources say|most of Metropolis will die in exactly 15 minutes due to exposure|to a deadly substance.
Survivors, if any, can thank Superman|and Dr.
Bernard Klein for their misery.
I was right.
Two feet, seven inches of rope precisely.
One more inch|and there would've been slop.
And I'm anything but sloppy, Miss Lane.
So it falls to me to complete the task|the state botched up.
Your execution.
Oh, you're right.
|The irony leaves one speechless.
You, who once put me away about to be put away by the object of her put-awaying.
Now, the real excitement for you,|other than your annihilation is to get to watch|the bulk of Metropolis die before you do.
With your cohorts Klein and Superman shouldering the blame.
Chief! Chief, any more word from this|nut case threatening the city? Oh, no.
And no one can locate him.
- Not even Superman.
|- Eyewitnesses say Superman and Klein took this Hybrid stuff|from the vault in STAR Labs and delivered it|to some terrorist group.
Well, if I had to, I would guess|that this terrorist group was really Jefferson Cole|out for revenge.
That guy that you|and Lois put in jail? But what about Superman and Klein? If had to guess, I would guess|that Superman who went to Klein was really a hallucination.
Like the hallucination of you|that testified against Lois.
Well, that's pretty impressive guessing.
|You got anything to back it up? - Well.
|- C.
K.
The video frame|you asked me to enlarge shows Cole in the reflection|just before Sheila died.
And guess who was in the same prison|with Cole at the very same time.
Elroy Sykes,|the guy Lois supposedly shot.
I guess I do, chief.
Come on, come on.
This isn't good.
- Now where are you going?|- Chief! Something's happening|outside in the sky.
Memo to self: Kudos are in order.
I could win a Nobel Prize.
If they ever add that atrocities category.
I've been seeding clouds for weeks, Lois.
Preparing to launch a storm|directly on the streets of Metropolis.
But no one will be singing in this rain.
It's laced with Hybrid Kryptonite.
Pure death droplet by droplet.
And they were worried about the ozone.
It's gone.
It can't be gone.
It's gone.
Hello.
Excuse me, Sister.
Have you seen a bullet? Kind of bent.
You know, like it's been used.
It didn't affect him.
Look at that freak.
I had the whole city|keeling over out there " and" he's healthy as a horse.
Well, the same can't be said for you.
Goodbye, Lois, for the second time.
You're only postponing the inevitable.
Freeze.
I'm not gonna say it again.
That's for sure.
- You rang?|- Professor Cole we gotta get out of here,|Superman Well, never mind then.
I had to call and thank you again,|Dr.
Klein.
Your testimony about|the hallucination device and the rigged bullet|really helped clear me.
Well, it certainly cleared me.
That bullet was amazing, Miss Lane.
Microcircuitry of a near molecular size.
Did you know that|I'm management now? I heard.
Congratulations.
I hate it.
Bye.
- Forget your key?|- Nope.
Oh, they're beautiful.
Well, the acting DA decided|not to pursue my big jailbreak.
They wanna put this whole|embarrassing incident behind them.
Aren't you coming inside? I want you to come out here first.
Out there.
There's something that I never|quite got around to doing.
Now it's even more official.
Finally, we can spend our first|quiet evening at home together.
Finally.
Oh, Clark, there was a time|when I thought I would rather die than sit around with my husband watching TV|and talking about the day.
I gotta tell you.
It sounds wonderful.
Here's to "us " sitting around just being|an old married couple.
Oh, yeah.
That's us, all right.
So how about the wallpaper? Do you think we should take it down and put it back up together|so that we can bond? I decided there are|more important things a newlywed couple|can do together to bond.
Race you upstairs.
No cheating.
No superpowers.