Loot (2022) s01e01 Episode Script


[PASSENGER] Awful weather today, huh?
Ugh. Hideous.
Can we turn the sun down, like, 20%
and get rid of the dolphins too?
- Way too cute.
Happy birthday, baby.
Thank you.
So, what do you think of your new boat?
Good present?
I'll tell you when I
actually step foot on it.
Oh, my God. There she is!
I can't believe you're turning
45. You look incredible.
On the scale of ageless Jennifers,
you went from Aniston to Lopez.
Aw, you're the sweetest.
Now, I told Nicholas to fill this
thing with all your favorite stuff
no matter the cost.
- Which was a lot.
- Ooh! Let me show you around.
This is the third deck bar.
We've got a beautiful
Meneghini refrigerator,
some handblown crystal stemware,
and heated stools for the
most important butt in my life.
[GASPS] You know what
we should get in here?
A full-time crepe chef.
- Love it. Genius. I'll get on it.
- Right?
And he could live on the boat.
I'll find one that's
going through a divorce.
John, what do you think?
Love crepes.
And as you can probably tell,
this is the smallest
pool on the entire ship.
I'm actually a little embarrassed
to have to show it to you.
No, it's cute.
You know who this pool
will be perfect for?
The dogs.
Sweetie, do you think Mary-Kate
and Ashley would like this pool?
Yeah, uh, looks great.
Seriously, are you even listening?
Hmm? Uh, yeah.
Sorry, I-I'm just, um,
getting slammed here.
Okay, but it would be nice to
get your input at some point.
[SIGHS] You want my input?
Well, let's see. Uh [SIGHS]
What I would really love to see
would be whatever you wanna see.
This is your birthday gift.
I want it to be special
and perfect for you.
Oh. [SIGHS] You fucking kidding me?
I am so sorry, guys.
I have to go meet with
Hailey. It's an emergency.
They're sending the chopper.
Why don't you two just stay here?
You drink some champagne
and keep poking around.
Whatever you want, consider it donezo.
- Okay?
- Okay.
See you at the party.
It looks amazing,
guys. Thank you so much.
Oh, my God, you guys made it! And
I can't wait to catch up with you.
Hey, how you guys doing?
Hi. Don't forget to tell
me about Denmark, okay? Hi.
Molly's birthday!
Hey, come find me later.
I'll give you a tour, okay?
Do you guys mind if I borrow this
particular beautiful woman right here
for a few minutes?
- [JOHN] All right.
Hey, I am so sorry that
I jetted off this morning.
Did you enjoy the rest of the boat?
How about this party, huh?
I mean, this is quite a birthday, right?
The boat is amazing.
The party is incredible.
There was just one other
thing I thought could be nice.
What is it?
What if we had dinner
alone? Just the two of us.
That's a great idea.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Tomorrow night?
I can even cook.
Spaghetti, microwave burrito,
the options are endless.
[CHUCKLES] That sounds amazing.
You Oh. No, shit.
I actually I have to go to Sweden.
That's tomorrow?
- Yeah.
- Well, what if I come with you?
Oh, no. You don't wanna do that.
It's just It's gonna be so boring.
It's, like, endless
meetings about finance
and international tax
law and you know?
Well, I can hang with that stuff.
Seriously, let's do it.
I will swing by Ikea in the morning,
learn some Swedish, and then we can go.
[LAUGHS] Okay.
- Get a love seat, maybe some meatballs?
- Sure.
Hey. [SIGHS] Where's
this all coming from?
I don't know.
Remember back at the beginning?
We used to do everything together.
You'd stay up all night
in the garage coding,
and I would call back
all our angry customers.
- Pay the bills you forgot about.
We were kinda like partners.
Well, we still are partners.
I'm only in Sweden for a
couple weeks and then Prague.
Then I'm back here, and
we can go have that dinner.
Just you and me, okay?
- You got a spot on your tie.
- Oh.
I'll go get you a new one, okay?
Always looking out for me. I love it.
- Thank you, hon.
- Course.
[MOLLY] Hailey?
Molly. Uh, hey.
What are you doing in here?
I just noticed that John
had something on his tie,
so I was bringing him a new one.
How do you know where his ties are?
He told me he was gonna talk to you.
[JOHN] Thank you so much, everybody,
for being here with
us on this special day.
And uh, by the way, the
cash bar opens at 7:00
- okay? No, I'm just kidding.
Uh, drinks are on me.
I own four soccer teams.
Uh, listen, our good friend Seal is here
to sing a birthday song to Molly.
Seal, why don't you come on up here?
[MOLLY] Hailey?
In our house? In our bedroom?
Uh, Molly, you know what? I can explain.
She's a fucking child.
What is wrong with you?
[STAMMERS] Was she even born
when we graduated college?
Actually, she was one.
Oh, very cool.
Was this going on when we
renewed our vows in the Bahamas?
The new ring?
Michael Bolton singing to me?
- Michael Bolton?
- Shut up, Seal!
Uh, Molly, how about we talk in private?
I have been by your side for 20 years!
I had sex with you when
you had your weird body
- Okay.
- before you fixed it with money.
I want a divorce.
Don't ever speak to me again!
[JOHN] Okay. Don't worry, everybody,
everything's gonna be
Everything's gonna be fine.
- [MOLLY] Fuck you!
- [JOHN] Molly.
Molly, please, just let me explain.
Shut the fuck up!
- Goddamn it!
- Honey
- Just come back inside. We'll talk.
Bartosz, this is a stick.
How do you use a clutch?
[STAMMERS] It's hard to
describe. It's more of a feeling.
You know what? Fuck it.
[JOHN] Goddamn it, Bartosz.
Lawyers today announce the
official dissolution of the marriage
of tech CEO John Novak and his wife
eight months after
accusations of infidelity.
Without a prenuptial agreement,
Molly Novak's net worth
is now $87 billion,
making her the third-wealthiest
woman in the country.
- Trading some man for 90 bill.
I'd take it. That's
a lot of shoes, honey.
Let's not diminish
what she's gone through.
I don't care how much she's got.
Money alone can't buy you happiness.
- Well, it helps.
- It helps.
- Am I right? It helps.
- Maybe a little, just a little.
- Helps a lot. [LAUGHING]
- Stop it. [LAUGHING]
Whoo! I feel so happy!
That's the drugs!
I see why they're so popular!
I think I wanna dye my hair.
- I love that.
- Right?
Oh, my God, it's Sting.
I'm gonna go say hi.
- You do that. I'll get us more drinks.
- 'Kay.
Hey, Sting. What's up?
Oh, uh, I'm actually not Sting.
Sting, it's okay.
Molly Novak. You might
have seen me on TV.
Eighty-seven billion.
I I do recognize you, but
I I'm just a waiter here.
Ooh. I like that you're role-playing
as a waiter tonight, Sting.
You're so funny.
We have the same hair color
now. Let's get a photo.
- Oh, my God.
- Say "Sting."
- Sting.
- Oh, my God. Look at us.
- Wait, I need a better angle. Hold on.
- How's that?
- Is that better?
- Just hold on to me. Sting!
Got some dinner ready for you.
You okay?
Why did this happen to me?
Is it because I didn't
get preventative Botox?
Don't be crazy, okay?
You look beautiful. You're a goddess.
You have the best skin
of any human being alive.
You should be having sex with
all three members of Migos.
I don't know who that is, but thank you.
I've been playing it
over and over in my head.
And I just keep thinking, "Should
I have done things differently?
Or was I always meant to lose
out to a 25-year-old vagina?"
Stop. Don't blame yourself.
It's It's straight
guys. They're idiots.
There's an entire channel devoted
to fishing because of them.
I just You always hear
about stuff like this happening.
You never think it's
gonna happen to you.
- Hello?
- Molly Novak?
Um Yeah, this is she.
This is Sofia Salinas.
I'm the executive director
of your foundation.
- My what?
- Your charity foundation.
You and your husband
started it seven years ago.
I was wondering if you wouldn't
mind coming into the office tomorrow.
I have an office?
Yes. It's a fairly
important conversation.
I would love to have it in person.
Okay, sure.
Great. How's 9:00 a.m.?
Oh, uh, can we say 11:00?
You have something at 9:00?
Yes, I'll be asleep.
I really would prefer 9:00.
Thank you very much, Miss Novak.
Okay, thank you No, you
know what? Can we say 10:00?
She hung up.
No. That can't be who I think it is.
Cousin Molly, come in
here, girl! [CHUCKLES]
- Oh.
- Give me a hug.
Ooh, it's so good to see you!
Hi, there.
My Aunt Patty is your mom's
cousin? Little Wee-wee.
Of course!
- Howard! Little Wee-wee.
- Mm-hmm.
It's been a long time!
- I'm guessing we got you a job here.
- Damn straight you did.
I used to work at this
comic book store/vape shop,
but now I run the
computers here or whatever.
Come on. Let me show you around.
- Great.
- Come. Follow me.
So, the kitchen's down there.
And you better get here
early if you want a muffin.
- Okay.
- My desk is right here.
And this is Arthur, my
boring, white cubicle mate.
[SIGHS] Hi. It's so nice to meet you.
- [MOLLY] Nice to meet you.
- I'm the accountant here.
Oh. We probably need one of those.
- If you say so.
- Great.
Sorry. I d I don't mean to stare.
It's just wild seeing you in person.
I'm not used to meeting
celebrities, so
Oh, no. I'm I'm not
a celebrity. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, yes, you are.
You're like the most famous
cheated-on woman on the planet.
And I need you to know,
Black Twitter has your back.
Oh. That's nice.
White Facebook is also very supportive.
Sorry, that sounds like I'm on
white supremacy groups. I'm not.
My aunt does send me some pretty
bad stuff that's very troubling
You know what? I'm
gonna cut it off there.
- You know, I have to run to a meeting.
- Yes. That sounds great.
Knock, knock. Hi.
Oh, hello.
- Sofia Salinas.
- Hi. Molly. So nice to meet you.
- Thank you for coming in.
- Yeah.
Oh, that's my name.
What are they thanking me for?
Oh, I'm really proud
of that after-school
program we funded for at-risk kids.
What are they at risk for?
Being too damn cute? [CHUCKLES]
No, gang violence.
Right. Right.
Well, you guys do a lot
of stuff like this, huh?
Yes. Uh, we funnel your money
to different charities
in Southern California,
give them the resources
they need to do good work,
and try to draw attention
to people in need.
Well, those two look really
messed up. I hope we help them.
Those are my grandparents.
And they're beautiful.
So, uh, tomorrow we have
a ribbon-cutting ceremony
for a new shelter downtown that
we've been working on for years.
And that's actually the
reason I called you in today.
To remind you that your behavior
does reflect on us as an organization,
which makes our job harder.
And what, exactly, do
you mean by my "behavior"?
Look, I'm not trying to shame
a girl for having a good time,
especially after what
happened. You do you.
But you can't go
traveling around the world,
getting on the news for falling
into swimming pools. [CHUCKLES]
Lots of people fall into
swimming pools all the time.
Yeah, but they don't then get out
and try to give the waiter a lap dance.
In my defense, I really
did think it was Sting.
They have the same hairline
when you're on drugs.
Okay, look. Our reputation
here is very important to me
because lives are literally at stake.
Wow, you really take
this seriously, don't you?
Yeah, well, I kinda spent my
whole life doing it. So, yes.
I admire that.
And you won't have any
more problems from me.
- That's all in the past. So
- Okay.
- It was great to meet you. And thank you
- Of course.
- for all that you do.
- Oh, thank you.
Tonight, for your first course,
I've made foie gras with lychee,
pine nut, and Riesling gelée.
Thank you, David Chang.
Hey, this is a weird question,
but you're a successful guy.
Do you do any sort of charity
work or anything like that?
Yeah, I work with a few
charities in the food space.
See, that makes sense. That's
something you're passionate about.
Yeah, it's tough to find the
time, with all my restaurants
and my product lines and my job here.
- But it's good for the soul.
- Hmm.
Yeah, I get that.
Mmm. Wow. That's amazing.
Oh, but you know what
I could really go for?
A microwave bean and cheese burrito.
I'll go heat that up for you.
With Pringles on the side.
Thanks, David Chang!
What in the hell?
Hi, there! I decided to come.
Uh, what are all these cars for?
So we can go to the
ribbon-cutting in style.
Okay. W-We talked
about optics yesterday,
and I don't think it's a good idea
to show up to a shelter
for unhoused people
in a fleet of $100,000 SUVs
that are absolutely
terrible for the environment.
- [SIGHS] Good call.
- [SOFIA] Mmm.
All right, let me fix this.
And sent.
- Okay, we're good. Get in.
- What did you just do?
I gave $10,000 to Greenpeace.
That should even it out, right?
What? No. [STAMMERS]
That's not how this works.
Let's roll!
Holy shit.
You ride with her.
Oh, wow, look at this.
Individual temperature controls. Huh.
That's pretty great. You
can be 71, and I can be 68.
What a dream that is, right?
Yeah, it's good. [CHUCKLES]
Thank you again for, uh,
getting us these cars.
Oh! Please, it's the least
I could do for our team.
You've been with us for for
Twenty-eight years.
No, I'm just kidding. [CHUCKLES]
It's just been a few years.
- Um, I was at a big firm before.
And then after my divorce,
I wanted better hours to spend
more time with my daughter.
- Oh, that's really sweet.
- Yeah.
I bet you're her hero now.
- No. No, not at all. She hates me.
- Oh.
[CHUCKLES] Her new nickname
for me is Mitt Romney.
- What?
- I know.
It's extremely offensive.
I'm very liberal.
I follow the Squad on Facebook.
- Right? So, that's something.
Well, I mean, maybe she's
just going through a phase.
You know, she could still
be processing the divorce.
Yes. No, you're right.
It It took me a few
years to recover myself.
Yeah, I went to a pretty dark place.
- I bought a djembe, and I took lessons.
- Oh, Jesus.
It's like a big bongo drum.
- That's what that is?
- Yeah.
Wow. I guess I'm doing really
good in comparison. [LAUGHS]
Well, it took me a while,
but I finally realized
I couldn't control
my ex-wife's behavior.
I could only control
how I respond to it.
- Hmm.
- [ARTHUR] Mmm.
Well, I'll tell you what I can control.
The temperature in this car.
And Mama's goin' down to 66.
- Are you with me, Mitt?
- I Wow.
- We have a wild one on our hands.
- Yes, take me with you.
- Let's do it. Whoo!
Wow. I can't believe there are
so many people here. [CHUCKLES]
Yeah, I had Nicholas float
that I was coming down.
- Oh.
- I mean, people are going to follow me
no matter where I'm going,
so I figured I might as well
use it to help you guys out.
That's actually not
a bad idea. Thank you.
No problem.
I'm ready for my speech.
Wait, you're not
scheduled to do a speech.
- What is up, Los Angeles?
[MOLLY] Hi. Oh.
Oh, thank you. We are so
proud to open up this shelter.
Um, it took a lot of hard work
from a lot of dedicated
and wonderful people.
And I just want to applaud them
and all the brave women who
are here with us today, so
Yes! You guys!
What defines a home really?
Is it just four walls and a roof?
Or is it something more than that?
I can tell you that for me,
home is where my wine fridge is.
Now, I've personally
never been unhoused,
but there was one summer
where they were doing
construction on our New York home,
and I had to stay at The Plaza.
At the end of those three weeks,
I felt like I was
getting out of Shawshank.
Now, the shelter will offer
physical and mental wellness checks.
And I'll give you the
diagnosis right now.
You're batshit crazy if you don't
take advantage of that. [LAUGHS]
you are crazy, we're here for you.
Now, before we officially open things,
I have a little surprise for everyone.
So last night I decided to personally
curate a grab bag of
absolutely essential,
must-have items that I think
no woman can live without.
So, go ahead and open your bags.
Everybody, please enjoy, and
thank you so much for coming.
God, we are so fucked.
A disaster at a charity
ribbon-cutting earlier today.
Billionaire Molly Novak
gave out luxury gift bags
while delivering a
rambling, incoherent speech
that many are calling out of
touch and extremely offensive.
All the sheltered ladies ♪
All the sheltered ladies ♪
All the sheltered ladies ♪
All the sheltered ladies ♪
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Critics say this is an
embarrassing black eye
for the charity led by the country's
newly minted third-richest woman.
[SCOFFS] Please.
They're overreacting.
This coverage is so skewed.
Mm-hmm. You're being treated unfairly.
I mean, these candles are dope.
This whole room smells
like clean white women.
Excuse me, Molly. Can I
speak with you in my office?
Yes, of course.
I'm sensing you're a little mad,
but there's actually
some incense in the bag
that will really help with that.
You know what? I'm gonna ask
you something politely right now.
Find something else.
Start a handbag line. Join a book club.
Go to space. Anything.
Okay, maybe I didn't nail
it on what I put in the bags,
but my heart was in the right place.
You're not taking this seriously.
And let's be honest,
you only showed up today
because you got divorced.
So you have this hole inside of
you, and you're trying to fill it.
You're not totally wrong. [CHUCKLES]
There is a hole inside of me.
But I think
it's been there for a long time,
since way before the divorce.
I just got swept up
in my husband's life.
Everything was him, him, him, and
I never did the
work to find out who I am
or who I am supposed to be.
But I'm doing that now.
it's really, really scary.
I'm sorry. I don't really
care about any of that.
Wow. When I said that to Oprah,
she gave me one of the
biggest hugs of my life.
You know what? You have your
trauma, and I respect that,
but I'm not here to be your therapist.
We're here to help as
many people as we can
in the short time we have on this earth.
That's all I care about.
We're on the same team here.
All I wanna do is keep
coming in. That's it.
I'm totally committed.
I won't let you down.
[SIGHS] Fine.
And now that I think about
it, was there any world
where you could've stopped me from
coming in if that's what I wanted?
- No, of course not.
- Right.
You're just incredibly intimidating.
Thank you. I know.
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