Lost In Space (1965) s02e22 Episode Script

The Cave of the Wizards

[ Man .]
Last week as you recall, we left the professor and Major West making a final check of the spaceship's control system.
After months of repairs, it appears the Jupiter 2 is at last ready to blast off from this forgotten world.
- Astrogator control.
- Go.
- Fuel injection system? - Go.
- Computer system? - Go.
Maureen, as soon as Dr.
Smith and Will get back - we'll have a final briefing.
- All right, John.
Take this, and get yourself some ore samples from that rock formation over there.
Then we can make some geological assays together during our flight.
I can hardly wait.
And I will accompany you, Dr.
Oh, thank you.
You're so good to me.
Come along, you clod.
Rocks, indeed.
They are of no particular interest to me.
The things I endure for young William.
Well, my robust rock hound, where do you suggest that I begin? Right here, Dr.
My sensors indicate that if we expose this outcrop we may uncover a fossil-bearing stratum of great geological interest.
Let me assure you at once that it cannot be of possible interest to me.
Also, I must warn you that you are in a gaseous area.
Ha! [ Groaning .]
Smith, are you all right? What is it? Where am I? What happened? Your heartbeat comes through loud and clear and quite vigorous, Dr.
So I must assume that for devious reasons of your own you must be playing possum.
What is a possum? And who are you? Do you not remember, Dr.
Smith? No, I do not.
And stop calling me Dr.
Smith if you please.
My name is-- My name is-- Oh, good heavens.
What is my name? It seems to have escaped me.
Many things seem to have escaped you, Doctor.
- I mean, sir.
- Sir.
It is merely a polite form of address.
I suggest that we return at once to the Jupiter where hot food, bed rest will restore your temporary loss of memory.
[ Screams .]
Unhand me, sir.
I have no intention of returning to-- to the Jupiter 2 whatever that is.
You've got some underhanded trick up your sleeve.
Loss of memory, indeed.
Smith, the sooner you return to the Jupiter the sooner you will be your normal, unpleasant self.
Stand aside, you mealy mouthed rogue.
Off with you! Avaunt! On your way! Do not leave until I return, Dr.
I shall certainly tell him when I see him.
If I see him.
Whoever he is.
As for you, sir, on your way whoever you are.
I daresay that took care of him.
- [ Groans .]
- [ Beeping .]
Oh, dear.
My head.
My poor head.
And my ears feel very strange.
[ Beeping Continues .]
[ Deep Voice .]
I hear and I will obey.
[ Beeping Continues .]
[ Beeping Continues .]
[ Beeping Continues .]
[ Beeping Continues .]
I hear you.
His tracks lead up here.
My sensors tell me Dr.
Smith is in that cave.
- Dr.
Smith? - Wait, Will Robinson.
- What is it, Robot? - Danger! Danger! [ Creatures Growling .]
Smith? Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith! Why didn't they stop Dr.
Smith from going in there? - Dr.
Smith has amnesia plus.
- Plus what? Plus the attraction of an alien force which I cannot compute.
- I don't understand.
- In his condition of amnesia his brain has become receptive to the influence of external forces.
The monsters are servants of that force.
We've gotta get him out of there.
You try and distract their attention while I sneak past them.
I will try.
[ Creatures Growling .]
Nice work, Robot.
Let's go! [ Growling Continues .]
I don't know how you got here, Dr.
Smith but you'd better come back with us to the Jupiter.
Leave me.
Leave me.
I can't do that, Dr.
That dreadful name again.
He doesn't even know who he is.
I am what I am.
- What are we going to do, Robot? - I am not sure.
The alien force derives from that computer and/or stimulator.
It is my belief that it needs Dr.
- What for? - Data insufficient for satisfactory reply.
Its function is lost in the distant past.
However, I have an idea.
- What is it? - Fetch me one of those rocks, Will.
- Thank you.
- What are you going to do with it? Step aside.
The effect of a blow on the head may be reversed by a similar blow on the head.
You can't bop Dr.
Smith with that! We have no choice.
This is going to hurt me more than it does you, Dr.
- Be very careful.
- I will.
- [ Robot .]
- [ Groans .]
How dare you strike me, you blithering blatherskite! He didn't mean to harm you, Dr.
Are you all right? Certainly not.
I shall never be the same.
William, what on earth are we doing here? I'll tell you about that later.
Right now, we've got to get back to the Jupiter.
That dreadful Jupiter 2 with its devil-may-care crew and its destination of doom.
If only I had a ship of my own to take me where I want to go.
Nice work, Robot.
He hasn't changed a bit.
Smith is normal for the moment.
But he may be subject to intermittent reoccurrence of his amnesia.
- It's all your fault! - We'll watch out for that.
Right now, we've got to get back.
Come on, Dr.
If only I had a ship of my own to take me where I want to go.
[ Steam Hissing .]
Wait! Wait! Do you hear? Wait, I say.
I simply must rest.
[ Groans .]
My back is even more delicate today than as usual with me.
We do not all have the benefit of iron feet and empty bubbleheads.
I must sit here, refurbish my batteries.
Oh, good heavens, I don't have batteries.
You do.
My energies! I'm completely exhausted.
That is your normal state, Dr.
Your caustic comments will provoke only removal of power pack.
Have I ever been wrong, Will Robinson? Have I ever been wrong, Will Robinson? - Well, as a matter of fact-- - Ask rather, have you ever been right.
- Have I ever been right? - I'm glad you asked that.
Never! Emphatically never! Well, Mr.
Wrong-Way Computer, which way do we go? We are headed in the right direction now, Dr.
- Are you sure? - Affirmative.
- Quite sure? - Double affirmative.
- See, Dr.
Smith-- - You may cease your squabbling, both of you.
I know exactly where we are.
That way.
I don't know, Dr.
This seems like the same trail we were on before.
Nonsense, my boy.
My powers of observation are highly refined.
They've never deceived me yet.
This is one of my favorite landmarks-- the sassafras tree.
It is not a sassafras tree.
Kindly stay out of this.
Sassafras is not your cup of tea.
- As you wish, Dr.
- I wish.
My knowledge of horticulture is second only to my sense of direction.
This way.
There you are.
Never fear, Smith is here.
Always listen to your Uncle Zachary.
You'll never go astray.
What's the hydroponic garden doing out here? We never grew anything like this.
- [ Spits .]
It's got no taste.
- Really? I think it's delicious.
Your palate has been spoiled by too many sweets, William.
- I've told you many times.
- Yeah, but why is it purple? Purple? Purple.
Probably the season of the year.
What's wrong with the Jupiter? It's all dark.
And where is everybody? Inside, obviously.
Come along.
I don't know, Dr.
Everything seems strange to me.
- What's wrong, Robot? - No comment, Will Robinson.
We're gonna go inside.
You better stay here and patrol the area.
There appears to be something wrong with the hatch button.
Open up in there! Open up! Mom! Dad! Mom! Open the hatch, will you? It's jammed.
I sure hope nothing's happened to them.
Mom, Dad, it's me Will! Open the hatch! They couldn't be all asleep.
- Let's kick it in.
- No, Dr.
It'll take Dad days to repair the mechanism if we damage it.
Dad! - Dad! - Oh, William! What happened to the hatch? I don't quite know.
But at any rate, it's open.
It'll take days to replace it.
What a pity.
But I'm sure your father will understand when I explain that it was as much his fault as yours for not answering our call.
Now, William, let's go in.
- You first, and turn on the lights.
- Yes, sir.
[ Screams .]
Cobwebs? How very strange.
Where'd they come from? I don't know.
Don't dawdle now, William, go in.
[ Dr.
Smith Sneezes .]
Be of stout heart, William.
I will rise to your defense at once if you're threatened with discipline for damaging the hatch.
I don't understand it.
That's not the first time I've banged on that hatch.
Well, all things deteriorate with time.
Now, William, your father will soon be up to interrogate you as soon as he is dressed.
Now remember, as counsel for your defense, you must leave everything to me.
Now sit down.
- William! - What happened to the chair? First the hatch, now the chair.
Yes, yes, just as I predicted.
Time has begun to take its toll.
Our only hope is to abandon all other plans and return to Earth at the earliest possible moment.
Something's wrong, Dr.
Nonsense, my boy.
Everything appears to be quite normal to me.
- This computer system should be over there.
- It should? - And that computer system should be over here.
- It should? - Everything's all mixed up.
- It is? Let's not panic, my boy.
I'm sure your father knew what he was doing.
Dad wouldn't transpose those systems.
It would affect the ship's equilibrium.
Oh, dear.
I think we'd better call him.
- Where's the microphone? - It's over there.
- No, it's not.
- It's always over there.
- It's gone.
- It's gone? First the hatch, then the chair and now the microphone.
William! You're quite right.
Oh, indeed, you are quite right.
There is something very strange afoot.
- [ Yells .]
- Now the astrogator's gone! In a moment, we will be gone.
I'd better go and try to find your father.
I'm quite sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for all this.
Indeed, I hope there is.
There must be a logical explanation for this as in "X" equals "Y.
" Why? I wonder why.
Oh, no.
Smith, what's wrong? Tell me.
The shock.
The dreadful shock.
My heart.
- I'd better go down.
- Go down where? - To the lower deck.
- Save yourself the trip, William.
Smith, what do you mean? There is no lower deck.
[ Groans .]
Oh, dear.
Oh, I feel faint, William.
A catastrophe.
A major catastrophe.
Oh, good heavens.
It's too much to be borne.
Oh, whatever shall we do? Oh, good heavens.
I don't believe it.
How could it happen? Unquestionably, the ship was struck by a terrible electric storm which wrought havoc on the upper deck.
I just can't believe it.
Oh, William.
My dear William time is the great healer, I promise you.
Now what we must do at once is to repair this ship to the best of our ability and set course straight away for home.
Correction, Dr.
This simulated vehicle will never get off the ground.
What do you mean "simulated"? This vehicle is not the Jupiter 2.
- What? - Why didn't you say so before? Yes, why didn't you say so before, you potbellied prankster? I am no prankster, Dr.
- You led us here.
- If I remember correctly it was you who did the leading, Dr.
- Indeed.
- But I forgive you.
You were probably led astray by the same alien force which led you to the cave.
Must have been the same force that simulated the Jupiter.
Affirmative, Will Robinson.
Simulated or no, it's quite a remarkable bit of wizardry despite its deficiencies.
- I wonder whether-- - No time for wondering now, Dr.
We've gotta get back to the real Jupiter 2.
- Think you can find it, Robot? - Affirmative.
If Dr.
Smith will not interfere with my directional guidance computer.
Hold your tongue, you silly goose.
Yes, quite remarkable.
Now I suggest we keep this incident to ourselves.
There's not point burdening the others with needless details at this time.
A second Jupiter 2 might be quite useful.
Without a lower deck, where would you sleep? To get back to Earth, I would sleep in a chair in a freezing tube on the floor or on a bed of nails.
William, don't trouble yourself with these trifles.
Lead on, you confused compass.
Here we are.
All right, watches all synchronized? - [ All Confirming .]
- I suppose so.
Now, our chief problem is going to be fuel consumption until we can switch to the ion propellant.
In other words, all systems that are not directly connected with flight must be off.
Now, at 0600, we start our final countdown.
At which time, I want you all in your couches, safety harness set.
From that moment through the liftoff, at the red mark.
Well, I guess that covers it.
Unless you've got something else to add.
Well, just this.
If anybody suddenly remembers they've forgotten something the time to get it is now, not later.
Is everything secure downstairs, Judy? - Secured and ready for takeoff.
- What about the food storage units, Penny? - All checked and secured, Mom.
- What about Dr.
Smith and his tape recorder? - Tape recorder? - Uh, yes.
I happened to say to Will that I had left my tape recorder at the ore site.
So if this dreary briefing session is at an end, I shall go at once and retrieve it.
Oh, but, Dr.
Smith, if you leave now, you're going to miss a wonderful farewell supper that I've been preparing.
It'll be ready in 15 minutes.
Never let it be said that Zachary Smith offended a hostess by declining to partake of her culinary delights.
Of course I shall remain, madam.
Thank you.
[ Growling .]
[ Growling .]
Oh, dear.
I do wish there was some way of avoiding these two abysmal creatures.
- There are two ways, Dr.
- What are they? One, I will act as a decoy - which will allow you to duck past them.
- And the other? Abandon your efforts to use the machine for your own selfish ends and return to the Jupiter.
Spare me the asinine advice, you mechanical misfit, and proceed with the decoy.
It will not be necessary, Dr.
My sensors tell me these creatures are not hostile to you.
- Are you sure? - Affirmative.
[ Creatures Growling .]
[ Screams .]
Well, thank you, gentlemen.
How very kind.
Come along, you cowardly clump.
They're quite harmless.
I told you they weren't hostile.
You told me? Yes.
And don't you forget it for the future.
[ Computer Voice .]
Again we bid you welcome, Dr.
[ Computer Voice .]
Again we bid you welcome, Dr.
[ Dr.
Smith Screams .]
[ Computer Voice #2 .]
We were expecting you to return.
Ah, what a piece of work is a machine.
How infinite in faculty.
I wonder how many faculties it actually has.
You have just stated that they were omnipotent.
However, I must again warn you that the alien force contained in this machine is unpredictable.
Be still, you worrywart.
Now what is this? It is an alien symbol of royalty.
Royalty? How nice.
Then it is fitting and proper that I should wear it.
And what is this? It is an alien skullcap, Dr.
Lovely color.
And just my size.
Well, it must belong to someone.
Help! Help! I can't get it off! [ Computer Voice #3 .]
I bid you welcome, Dr.
It pleases me to see you wear the amulet and the crown of the Dranconians.
There is hope for us now.
All our faculties are now at your disposal.
Choose a wand.
A wand? What wand? I command you, choose a wand, Dr.
- Yes, I will.
I will choose one.
- [ Beeping .]
- Here.
- Now place it in the lock.
The lock? The lock? Where is the lock? Is this the lock? - ## [ Anthem Plays .]
- You have chosen wisely.
[ Eyeball .]
I was correct in my belief that you were the one who would restore our civilization to its former grandeur.
You are listening to the anthem of the Dranconians.
It is an original composition culled from the music of the spheres by the foremost composer of Dranconis.
May he rest in everlasting peace.
It is played only at moments of great historical significance, Dr.
[ Brain .]
You have made us very happy.
It is fitting that you should be rewarded.
No, thank you very much, but I really must be going.
A diamond? A real diamond? It is but the beginning of your reward, Dr.
A mere token of our gratitude.
Knock, and it shall be answered.
Ask, and it shall be given.
Ask, and it shall be given.
How very nice.
That presents a new set of interesting possibilities.
Sure hope we can get through before our final countdown.
Well, everything that isn't stowed aboard gets left behind.
We still got three hours left.
Correction, two hours.
[ Singing .]
Robot, what's going on? What's happened to you? - How'd you get to be gold? - Watch it, Will Robinson.
I do not like grubby finger stains on my new suit of gold.
How'd you get it? Where have you been and where is Dr.
Smith? Questions.
Look, Robot, I don't care if you're made out of gold, brass, tin or scrap metal.
Clothes make the man, Will Robinson.
It's more important that Dr.
Smith makes that flight.
Doesn't he know that we're due to leave in a couple of hours? What are a couple of hours to a man who can command the timeless wisdom of the ages? Now I know he's in trouble.
Come on, Robot.
We're gonna go get him.
- One moment, please.
- What is it? From now on, I would appreciate it if you would call me Golden Boy.
Come on, Golden Boy.
Silver service.
Gold and jewels.
At long last, I'm in my natural habitat.
Surrounded by the things I need and love and deserve.
Smith? Welcome to my home away from home, little one.
Give the child an apricot.
This tray is only silver, but I am gold.
Yeah, you've told me that before.
And Dr.
Smith is clay by the looks of him.
And this fruit tastes like putty.
The child is obviously unaccustomed to delicate flavor.
Poor, underprivileged boy.
We must do something for you.
Noblesse oblige and all that sort of thing.
How would you like to be my equerry boy? I don't even know what an "equerry" is.
And what's more, I don't know why you're acting so uppity unless you've lost your memory again.
The memory banks of a thousand generations are within my grasp.
There's one memory of your own that oughta be enough to tell you that we're due for a liftoff pretty soon and we've gotta get back.
I am perfectly happy where I am.
Smith, don't you see what's happening to you? You're beginning to look more and more like an alien.
Don't be impudent, boy.
I think I look rather majestic.
Ah, even my delicate back seems to be improved.
Now hear this! I, Zachary Smith, the omnipotent one within whose brain resides the wisdom of the entire Dranconian civilization will cut a swath of glory through the universe that will never be forgotten.
Did you hear that, boy? Yeah, I heard it, but it sure doesn't sound like you, Dr.
[ Beeping .]
No, no, i-it doesn't, does it? - [ Creatures Growling .]
- Dr.
Smith, the rock monsters! [ Yells .]
How dreadful! Go away! Go away! Stay back! Stay back! Do not touch me! You'll soil the gold! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! [ Creatures Growling .]
Go on, Robot, blast 'em! I would rather not.
It might hurt my delicate golden skin.
Oh, how dreadful! Go away! Go away! Oh, gentlemen, surely you remember me-- friendly Zachary Smith.
I assure you-- I have no designs upon your sinister machine.
I merely want to make a scientific report on its capabilities.
You may stop making with the alibis, Dr.
I have just remembered that these alien organisms are not hostile.
- Are you sure? - It is my computerized opinion that they believe you to be their master.
And they wish to serve you.
Do they, indeed? Attention! About-face! Lovely.
They'll make very interesting house pets.
I think I shall appoint them my bodyguards at once.
You, sir, henceforth your name is Gog.
- [ Groans .]
- [ Growling .]
And you, sir, henceforth your name is Ma-- is Magog.
Be gone! Well, William, what do you think of my omnipotence? I think you'd better forget about your omni-- whatever you call it-- and come back to the Jupiter, 'cause that's where you belong.
[ Beeping .]
[ Deep Voice .]
Leave me.
Leave me.
He has lost you, Will Robinson.
It's 6:00.
They're starting the countdown.
Look, you stay here and keep an eye on him till I get back.
That I will, Will Robinson.
But I still wish you would call me Golden Boy.
All right, Golden Boy.
The youth could have been destroyed quite easily, Dr.
But we prefer to place the temptation of his presence before you to learn where your loyalties lay.
It is now clear where you belong.
Approach the throne.
Be seated.
Oh, ye former masters of Dranconis may ye all rest in peace.
Your servant has found one who is well suited to follow in your footsteps.
Are you prepared to make a vessel of yourself and receive the accumulated wisdom of Dranconis, Dr.
Smith? I am.
Let the procedure begin.
You are entering upon this momentous responsibility of your own volition, Dr.
Warning! Warning! Warning! [ Whirring .]
T- minus 90 and counting.
- Cabin pressure control.
- Cabin pressure control, go.
Orbital attitude system? Orbital attitude system, go.
John, don't you think we ought to stop this and wait until Will gets back? Honey, if we don't take off at 0800, we don't take off at all.
He just better get back here.
- Mom! Dad! - Will! Oh, Will, where have you been? Obviously that briefing I gave you last night didn't register.
Yes, it did, Dad, but when the Robot came back all goldened up - and without Dr.
Smith-- - All what-ed up? It doesn't matter now, Mom.
What's important is Dr.
Smith's got himself all involved with this alien computer in the cave, and he won't listen to a thing that I say.
Are you still with that cave bit? Don, I would have told you and everyone else about it last night - but you wouldn't listen.
- You can tell me about it, dear.
There's no time for that now.
Someone's gotta go there and bring them back.
Is the Robot with Dr.
Smith? Yes, sir.
I left him there to keep an eye on him.
All right.
We'll-- We'll postpone the countdown till we get back.
Maybe we can speed up the check.
And if we happen to speed up the check to a point we forget a few minor details, like the fuel injection system-- Don, don't you care what happens to Dr.
Smith? As a matter of fact, Will, no.
This machine, your servant, awaits your command.
What is your wish? I would like Golden Boy restored to his former vigor.
What does your robot have that we do not have? Well, he's my chum.
If you know what I mean.
Smith, you are displaying a weakness for personal relationships which have no place in the scheme of a machine and its master.
Clearly, there is still much more that must be done for you.
What? You must be made more receptive to our force.
Oh, dear.
Perhaps we'd better forget the whole thing.
It is a little late for calling the whole thing off, Dr.
You know too much about us.
[ Explosion .]
Smith? [ Deep Voice .]
You would be well advised to put away your guns.
If you have something to communicate to me be so good as to make it brief.
My time is precious.
So is ours.
I wish to communicate with Dr.
Smith if you and he are the same.
I am many persons.
Within my brain resides the sum of all the wisdom of my ancestors.
This Dr.
Smith whom you mention is not one of them.
He's really flipped out.
There's nothing we can do here.
[ Sighs .]
That robot belongs with us.
I think that you, too, belong with us in another form.
This other form that you mention is it similar to your own? Yes, it is.
Even if it were desirable, which it is not you are asking me to return to a form of life which my ancestors abandoned a million generations ago.
I'm asking you to return to the man that you really are.
I am a Dranconian.
I am the master of this machine.
Are you sure the machine isn't the master of you? That is impertinence and I know how to deal with impertinence.
Have a care! Look, Dr.
I'm trying to get through to whatever little is left of your real identity.
In less than one hour, the Jupiter 2 is leaving and it is not coming back.
It's hopeless.
Let's get outta here.
I'm gonna try something.
That robot belongs to us.
When we leave, he goes with us.
Whether or not he's your property he is now a member of Dranconian servant class.
He stays.
- Let's take him.
- [ Whirring .]
You have performed nobly.
You have overcome your weakness for personal relationships.
O great Oniac, known as Dr.
Smith in a former existence the omnipotent powers of all Dranconis are now yours.
Prepare to receive the mantle of mastery.
Please rise.
Now prepare to fulfill your destiny and become part of the cosmic brain.
I am ready.
If they don't get back soon, we might not be able to make the escape corridor.
Well, I'm sure your father is well aware of that, dear.
- I wonder what's keeping them so long.
- Look.
- Here they come now.
- Yes, but they're alone.
Where's Dr.
Smith and the Robot, Dad? I'm sorry, Son.
I'm afraid Dr.
Smith is lost to us.
We tried everything we could.
But whatever that alien force did to him it's obvious that he belongs with them now, so does the Robot.
That's 'cause you didn't try hard enough.
I gotta go get 'em! No, Son, it's too late.
There's no time.
Don't you know that if there was any way of getting them out - we'd have done it? - Yes, sir.
Come on now, dear.
You'd better strap in to your couch.
Your father and Don have a lot of work to do.
And very little time to do it.
- Come on, Will.
- I'll be down in a minute, Mom.
All right.
Don't be too long.
T-minus 24 and counting.
- Inertial guidance system.
- Inertial guidance system, go.
I didn't even get to say good-bye to them.
Would it have helped, Son? Even if he didn't know who you were? T-minus 23 and counting.
T-minus 22 and counting.
I am the great Oniac.
Why do you come before me? I couldn't leave without saying good-bye to you and the Robot, Dr.
These are personal affections to which I cannot respond.
If this is the only reason for your presence you are free to go.
Smith, I know you're not acting like yourself.
That's why you don't understand me.
But we may never get a chance to see each other again.
And people usually say good-bye to each other when they've been good friends and have had good times together like I've had with you and the Robot.
I know nothing of these good times as you call them.
Sure you do.
Don't you remember all the hikes and the rock-hunting expeditions we'd go on? And all the chess games and the singsongs and the picnics.
What about the stories you'd tell me about your family back home on Earth? I have but one family-- the Dranconian family.
And I, the great Oniac am its illustrious head.
No, you're not.
Underneath, you're still the real Dr.
And the Robot's still the Robot.
I just can't leave either of you behind.
Come off the machine, Dr.
The machine will let you go if you just tell it that you don't belong.
I belong where I belong.
No, you belong with us and with the Jupiter.
Take my hand, Dr.
I'll lead you out of here.
You try my patience, boy.
I guess Dad was right.
We've lost you.
Good-bye, Dr.
Take good care of yourself.
I'd like to say good-bye to the Robot too if you'll just reactivate him for me, just for a minute.
How tiresome you Earthlings are.
However-- [ Whirring .]
I guess I could take you with me if I wanted to, Robot.
Negative, Will Robinson.
The alien force which courses through my computers is too strong.
I am glad it had not destroyed my memory banks.
That's one consolation.
You haven't forgotten me.
I shall never forget you, Will Robinson.
If you wish, you may autograph my suit of gold.
- There.
- Thank you, Will.
And I love you, too, in my own fashion.
You do not have much time left, Will Robinson.
You had better go.
You'll take good care of Dr.
Smith? I shall serve him to the best of my ability.
Well, I guess there's nothing else I can say but thank you.
Good-bye, Robot.
Good-bye, Will Robinson.
[ Will .]
Good-bye, Dr.
[ Brain .]
O great Oniac.
Not now.
Not now, great Oniac? That is what I said.
Surely it is not possible that the great Oniac has been moved by the sentimentalities of the young Earthling.
has been moved by the sentimentalities of the young Earthling.
He cried.
The tears of an Earthling cannot be of any significance to the great Oniac.
[ Voice Wavering .]
He almost made me cry.
You are manifesting a grave and unforgivable weakness, O Oniac by pitting the powers of this machine against the powers of a stripling's tears.
It cannot be allowed.
You are right.
I must not be weak.
He said we went on hikes together.
We played chess games and singsongs and-- and-- [ Yells .]
I want to go back! I want to go back! Oh, dear.
What time is it? It is now approximately T-minus eight.
- We must hurry.
- We'll never make it.
Accentuate the positive, Dr.
On the double! Stop cackling and go! Go! T-minus six and counting.
Yeah, and it would have been T- minus six and holding if Will hadn't gotten back.
T-minus five and counting.
Stop! Stop, do you hear? Wait! Wait for me! Oh, oh, I can't.
I can't go on! Not another step! I'm completely exhausted.
My back is extremely delicate.
I'm not strong enough.
I'm not strong enough.
Please, what shall I do? What shall I do? Get on my tracks, Dr.
Smith, and ride piggyback.
What? Piggyback, indeed.
How dare you! A man of my quality-- What does that mean, "piggyback"? It means get on my tracks and ride piggyback.
Get on me! - On your tracks? I'm frightened.
- Don't argue.
- I'm frightened I'll fall off.
- You can do it, Dr.
- I can? - Yes, we must try.
- Yes, yes, I'll try.
- Hurry! Just a moment.
I'm frightened.
- We can still make it.
- Yes.
[ Whimpering, Groaning .]
Mush, you ninny! Mush! Mush! T-minus one minute and counting.
- Open fuel pre-valves.
- Open.
T-minus 30 seconds and counting.
Uncage gyros.
- Gyros uncaged.
- All right.
Let's strap up.
Hold tight! [ Yells, Groaning .]
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Good heavens.
Oh! You clumsy clod! On your feet, Dr.
On your feet! It's no use.
We can never make it now.
The countdown is almost over.
Ten, nine, eight seven, six, five four, three, two-- They're gone.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
What is to become of me now? No food, no shelter, no friend.
You have me, Dr.
We have each other.
A fat lot of good you are.
How could they do this to me? How could they break my poor William's heart? [ Screams .]
You're supposed to be gone.
Are you an apparition? Oh, good heavens.
I feel my mind is becoming unbalanced.
No, we're not an apparition, Dr.
We gave up the flight when we spotted you and the Robot on our radar screen.
I knew you would come back for me.
That we never would have done, Smith.
We saw you on the screen before the liftoff.
You mean to tell me that you had been aloft, you wouldn't come back for me? Well, we'll let you figure that one out all by yourself on those long, lonely nights you're gonna spend here before we're ready to go again.
Oh, dear.
Cheer up, Dr.
We can play lots of chess games.
How exciting.
- I'll even let you win a few.
- That will not be necessary.
[ Singing .]
Flat as a pancake, you aluminum canary.
Flat? ## [ Vocalizing .]
No, no.
[ Singing Scale .]
I'm in excellent voice today.
And why should I waste my operatic talents on the likes of you.
Come along.
[ Speaking French .]
What does that mean, Dr.
Smith? Ah, my dear girl, that was the romantic French language.
For a moment, my mind took me back to the fabulous gaming tables at Monte Carlo.
[ Speaking French .]
In pedestrian translation, it means "place your bets.
" Well, I don't know, Dr.
Dad always taught me that gambling was-- I have told you repeatedly that this is not gambling.
I am merely trying to instruct you both in the intricacies of a gentleman's game.
Now place your chips on the number of your choice.
Well, I guess it's all right if it's just instruction.
Of course it is.
Subsequently, we may wish to pursue the subject more deeply and engage in practical applications.
Smith, you are a con man and a shill.
Hold your tongue, you bellicose bumpkin! - I merely wish to warn you.
- Spare me the warnings and start spinning.
This is a final indignity.
Spin! And turn your sensors off.
I want no peeking.
Ah, number eight on the black, an open number.
How unfortunate.
You are both losers.
However, as they say in the gaming casinos-- Just a minute, Dr.
There is something on number eight.
There can't be unless someone cheated.
I must warn you both, the house rules are quite specific on cheating.
But it's not a chip, Dr.
It looks like a-a gold coin.
Gold coin? Let me see.
Why, yes, indeed, it is.
Probably an artifact left from some ancient civilization.
- Let's see if we can find some more.
- But, Dr.
Smith we're supposed to be learning about the gentleman's game not out looking for old gold pieces.
We are not just looking for old gold pieces.
The mere fact that the article could be of gold or platinum is a matter of complete unconcern to me.
[ Guffawing .]
I was merely clearing my tapes.
If you clear them again in that tone of voice I shall erase your tapes permanently, so beware.
Let us search on.
Smith! I think I've found something.
What is it, my dear? Looks like a metal ring.
This is perhaps the entrance to a treasure trove.
- Caution is advised.
- Silence, ninny! Stand aside.
I think it's begun to move.
[ Screams .]