Lost In Space (1965) s03e22 Episode Script

The Flaming Planet

I've altered our course by four degrees.
That should give us a clearer flight path for at least 24 hours.
Going on the assumption, of course, we aren't hit by a wild comet or a falling star.
Or, uh, plow into some unknown asteroid.
You amaze me, Major West.
Worrying about, uh, normal occupational hazards like that.
Say, where's the Robot? He was supposed to compute our radial reactor.
Oh, uh, Smith said he needed him for a few minutes on a project of major importance.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Careful! Careful, you incompetent imbecile.
Not too much water.
Give this here.
Give it here.
I raised this plant from a tiny cutting.
I have mothered it to its present size.
There is no need for concern, Dr.
- Unlike yourself, I have excellent judgment.
- Have you, indeed? Among the other members of this expedition, I am held in high esteem.
You might even say they regard me with deep affection.
Hold your tongue, you bumptious braggart.
You'll pop a rivet.
Stand aside.
Stand aside.
There are many good reasons, Dr.
Smith, why I am so well liked.
I am honest, kind, gentle, courteous, brave self-sacrificing and a real great guy.
And a real great goose.
Smith, if you're done with the Robot, can I-- - What's the trouble, William? - This plant.
You know Dad's orders.
No one's supposed to bring any kind of vegetation of alien kind on the ship.
I recall your father's edict very well indeed.
But surely it does not apply to this innocent little orange tree.
Besides, Dr.
Smith is its mother.
If you quote me, quote accurately, booby.
That is not what I said.
Smith, I'm not so sure that's an orange tree.
Oh, William.
Of course it's an orange tree.
Any day now, a great crop of luscious Valencia oranges will burst forth.
But space radiation can affect any plant's photosynthesis process.
We don't know what that might turn into.
You might be placing us all in deadly danger.
You're both making much ado over nothing.
Well, just the same, when Don sees it, he's gonna throw it overboard.
- Will he indeed? - And you with it.
To please you, William, I shall get rid of the plant immediately.
This parting brings an end to "horrah.
" Let us hope we do not meet "tomorrah.
" Be gone, booby! How ridiculous.
As if a harmless little citrus plant could be anything but a fountain of delicious orange juice.
They're all jealous of my horticultural ability.
All of them.
Looks like some kind of radiation belt.
[ Don ] Must be a galactic phenomenon.
- The scintillometer's way off.
- [ Thud ] We're encountering radiation shock waves.
John, can't we alter our course? We don't have enough time.
Whatever it is we're gonna have to take a chance and fly right through it.
I guess I better warn the children.
[ Yelping ] Maureen, stabilize the ship.
- [ Groans ] - Dr.
- He's really hurt bad.
- [ Groans ] I have computed his condition.
The good doctor is only paralyzed with fear.
Silence, ninny.
Why shouldn't I be? There's just so much a man can stand.
- Man? Ha! - Spare me the asinine aside, you insensitive idiot.
- I've suffered a severe emotional shock.
- I'm terribly sorry, Dr.
Thank you, William.
My entire nervous system's been damaged.
I shall require at least William, dear boy.
Would you see to it that my dinner is served in my quarters? All right.
You can goldbrick later, Smith.
Right now we've got a lot of repair work to do.
Believe me, Major, I am beyond physical efforts of any kind.
I don't wanna have to tell you again, move.
But I need a little time in order to recover from my recent experience.
- Smith.
- Very well, Major.
But you will regret it.
Denying an exhausted man a little peace and quiet.
Cold and cruel you are.
All right, Smith.
Never mind the compliments.
I'll meet you on the upper deck in 30 seconds.
Thirty seconds indeed.
That dreadful man.
[ Grunts ] - System A's all right.
- I'd say we were lucky.
Only minor damage.
- Let's try System B.
- Right.
- Hold that steady.
- Uh-huh.
Smith, give me an R-14 transistor unit, please.
- I think the ship is burning up.
- What? I think the ship is burning up! - [ Console Beeping ] - Well, what are you going to do? - [ Beeping Stops ] - Nothing to worry about.
There's no danger.
Our hull picked up some electroactive waves going through the radiation belt.
- It'll burn off in a few hours.
- How nice.
[ Yawns ] - Are you all right? - In reply to your question, I must tell you I have reached a point beyond any feeling at all.
All right, Smith.
We get the idea.
You're tired, right? You're quite wrong, Major.
I am completely and utterly exhausted.
Well, then, perhaps you'd, um-- you'd better get some rest.
Perhaps I'd better.
Bless you both.
[ Chuckles ] You know that whole routine was an act? Yeah, tell me about it, Don.
[ Yawns ] Now for a healthful draft of spring water.
[ Yawns Loudly ] Mmm, and a nice little nap.
It's so good to be safe in one's own little room in one's own little bed.
[ Loud Yawn ] Dr.
Smith, dinner's ready.
- Dr.
Smith, wake up! - What? [ Screams ] William! Get away from me, you loathsome thing.
William, what is it? It's your orange tree, Dr.
Space radiation must've mutated it.
Boy, it's a good thing I decided to wake you up.
Oh, William, I am indeed grateful.
How terrible it is.
That thing was going to attack me, and I raised it from nothing.
I wouldn't say it was attacking you.
It looked kind of affectionate.
Affectionate? Affectionate? Do you really think so, William? Well, that doesn't change the fact that you promised to get rid of it.
I fully intended to, William, but you see, we encountered the radiation belt and it slipped my mind.
Well, I think I'd better go tell Dad and Don.
William, there is no reason to act in haste.
After all, we discovered the danger before any appreciable harm could be done.
I'm quite sure that we can handle this situation without involving the others.
- I don't know.
- There is really no problem, believe me.
I promise to dispose of this thing immediately.
Well, all right.
But you're gonna have to put it through the jet exhaust so it'll burn up.
No sooner off your tongue than it is done.
Now run along and have your dinner.
I'll join you in a thrice.
What a pity.
In season, we could have had oranges as big a watermelons.
[ Yelps ] Well, you are an affectionate little devil, aren't you? Here's our position, and this is where we're going.
How many days did Dad say it'd take us to get there? - About 10.
- Sure is a long time from now.
Why didn't Dad select this galaxy? Look, it's much closer.
But the chances of finding an advanced civilization in any of these small worlds is pretty slim.
I suppose so.
- Penny, what's wrong? - Nothing.
Everything's just fine.
- Penny? - Well, it's just that well, now we're back in space, I'm anxious to go home.
- All of us feel the same way, Penny.
- Yeah, but we're so close.
Oh, sure we are.
Just 10 million miles away, give or take a few million.
Oh, Judy, you know what I mean.
Of course I do.
But let's not rush things.
We'll get home.
You know the old Chinese proverb: "A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step.
" [ Chuckles ] All right.
I'll try to curb my impatience.
[ Hissing ] Something's wrong with the air ventilation system.
Get Dad and Don.
The stabilizing unit's overheating.
- Switch them off and turn on to auxiliary.
- [ Coughs ] How long do you think you can keep her steady on secondaries? Oh, about a couple of hours, I think.
Do you think you can find and fix what's wrong by then, Dad? - We'd better, Judy.
- [ Penny ] What happens if you don't? Well, the Jupiter 2 will just start rolling over and over, like a ball.
The aero balance meter indicates all our intake ducts are closed.
- That's strange.
We couldn't have picked up anything in space.
- It doesn't make sense.
The distribution imbalance seems to be resting directly on top of the Jupiter.
- Some kind of a plant growth.
- Now we know what's shutting off the air ducts.
But we've been traveling in space for hours.
- How could a plant attach itself to the spaceship? - That's a good question.
Oh, sadness, oh, sorrow.
It never occurred to me that anything as terrible as this would happen.
All this extra work is your fault.
Will told you to dispose of that plant through the jet exhaust.
Yes, I know he did.
But it was so heavy.
So like the prize idiot, you sent it out into space through the escape hatch.
Believe me, Major, I never thought for a moment it would attach itself to the Jupiter.
I'm truly sorry.
Really, I am.
Unfortunately, your regrets don't help the situation now.
It wasn't all Dr.
Smith's fault.
I'm responsible too.
Yes, you are, Son.
You should've reported the finding of that plant immediately.
- Anyone have any suggestions? - [ Robot ] Perhaps I can be of service, Professor Robinson.
Not unless you have some idea of how to get that plant off this ship.
My computers indicate the plant is clinging to the ship because it believes Dr.
Smith to be its mother.
- Tattletale.
- Oh, no.
Now I've heard everything.
Unfortunately, I have no ready solution - but I can give you some further information.
- All right, let's have it.
I have computed the performance range of our auxiliary stabilizers.
They will function for If the intake ducts are not cleared of the plant growth before that time we will all perish.
Forgive me for revealing such depressing information.
Thirty-eight minutes and 10 seconds.
Oh, dear.
There must be some way out of this.
Get me a reading of the atmospheric density of that planet down there.
About 30 pounds per square inch.
- That just might do it.
- What's the plan? Destroy the plant, if we're lucky.
Take her down.
John, wait a minute.
The Robot might have something.
That plant seems to have some kind of intelligence.
You might be right.
It moved up when I said destroy it.
Let's go.
This is madness, Professor.
You'll destroy us all.
I'm fully aware of the danger, Doctor.
Who knows what horrid alien life-forms may exist down there.
We have one chance, Dr.
If Dad's plan works, our entry into the planet's atmosphere will set the vegetation on the ship afire, killing it.
And possibly us into the bargain.
Suppose the gravitational pull of this unknown world is too strong for us? In that case, Smith, your miserable life will come to a merciful end.
We'll be entering the planet's atmosphere in a few moments.
- [ Low Beeping ] - The radio.
Someone's trying to contact us.
- Match our wavelength to theirs.
- Yes, sir.
This is the Jupiter 2 space expedition from Earth.
Come in.
- This is the Jupiter-- - [ Man ] You are about to enter a restricted zone.
Alter your flight pattern immediately and leave the area.
We repeat: This is a restricted zone.
Give me the mike, Son.
This is John Robinson from the planet Earth.
We're having some trouble up here.
We must enter your atmosphere.
A final warning: Leave this area at once.
Do not attempt to enter our atmosphere, or you will be destroyed.
We've got to make an entry.
This is an emergency.
They've stopped sending.
- [ High-pitched Beeping ] - Dad, look at those blips.
I wonder what they are.
We'll find out soon enough.
Maybe we'd better take that advice from our unfriendly host.
Danger! Danger! There they are.
[ Explosion ] There's another one.
[ Explosion ] Take her out of here! We're under attack! - It's coming directly at us! - Full rocket power! Check! - [ Exhales ] - That was close.
- Oh, dear.
- Did you know that I once studied to be an architect? - That's much too dangerous a profession, Major.
- [ Chuckles ] You fall off a 40-story building and whammo, that's it, buddy.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Dad, why would they want to attack us? We told them we were friendly.
Oh, William.
In the hostile environment of space, there are no reasonable explanations.
Well, it could've been a mistake, Dr.
We're not positive they heard our radio message.
That's a possibility, Son.
Why don't you try to contact them again? Well, gentlemen, what are we going to do? We cannot enter the environment of that hostile planet and we do not have the time to try and reach another one.
We still have a little time, Dr.
Hardly an optimistic outlook, if you would like my opinion.
We don't like it and we don't wanna hear it, Smith.
Spare me your bullying tactics, Major.
You cannot frighten me.
I shall say whatever I please whenever it pleases me.
We've got enough troubles without you two acting like a couple of overgrown schoolboys.
- He started it.
- Well, I'm going to finish it.
- Doctor, go to your quarters.
- I believe I shall.
It will be a distinct pleasure to leave the presence of this militant moron.
I oughta-- This is the Jupiter 2 space expedition from Earth.
We're requesting permission to land on your planet.
I repeat.
This is the Jupiter 2.
We're in desperate shape.
Do you think we could land? - Guess that answers our question.
- What'll we do now? An immediate decision is essential.
The mass of the monster plant outside is growing with every moment.
- We take her down.
- What about the warning? Maybe we can burn off the plant before they launch another missile at us.
- You and the Robot go below, Will.
- Yes, sir.
Try a third gyro.
- Gyro regulator's reading 162.
- Check.
Right there.
There it is again.
[ Don ] The Robot's right.
It's getting bigger.
We haven't got a minute to lose.
Try four more points.
Atmosphere entry in nine seconds.
Eight, seven, six five, four three, two, one.
Give me a constant reading on the outer hull temperature.
Twelve hundred degrees.
Sixteen hundred degrees.
Twenty-four hundred degrees and still climbing.
- I think it's working.
- Skin temperature, 4,000 degrees.
Nothing could survive that.
The ducts are clear.
No indication of outside mass attached to the ship.
All right.
Let's get out of here while we can.
Rig for emergency lighting.
John, what's happening? Some kind of laser beam from that planet below drained all our power.
We're like sitting ducks up here.
Why don't they just knock us over? Well, that beam and all those missiles came from one attack area.
Our orbit's taking us out of range.
How long before we can recharge and get out of here? We'll need 20 hours, full recharge.
- That'll give us enough power to reach escape velocity? - There's only one problem.
In 11 hours, our orbit's going to take us right over that attack area again.
- [ Knocking ] - Yes? - Major West.
- Oh.
Come in.
I wanna talk to you, Smith.
It's quite important.
Very well, proceed.
We're still trying to make contact with the planet.
So far, no luck.
Something has to be done, and we have to do it.
Did you say, "we," Major? Someone has to go down to that planet and convince them we're not their enemies.
And how do you propose to accomplish this miraculous mission? - Do we grow wings and fly? - No.
By using the space pod, we can get to the attack area before the Jupiter 2.
You see, the pod's small enough to go undetected.
That's a splendid idea, Major.
I suggest you go along and my blessings go with you.
I'm glad you approve, Dr.
Smith, because you're going with me.
I am? Oh, we'll have a much better chance of success if there are two of us.
Well, much as I would like to accept your kind invitation, Major I'm afraid you'd better look for somebody else.
You see, by nature, I am not exactly suited for this particular type of work.
You're the most expendable of the whole group, and you're going with me.
Thank you, no.
My mind is made up.
I'm sorry, Dr.
Smith, but I just can't take no for an answer.
You're quite right, Major.
Two heads are better than one.
I shall be delighted to accompany you.
Come on.
Indeed, forcing me to leave without saying good-bye to my dear friends.
You're a cold, callous man, Major.
You'll be back before they know it.
Get in here.
I fear they will never see me again.
What a dismal and desolate place.
There's no sign of habitation anywhere.
Major, I suggest we return to our spaceship.
Well, those missiles didn't fire themselves, Smith.
We're not alone on this planet.
Come on.
[ Thrusters Firing ] Major, the space pod! It's gonna take off! Stop it! - Let me go! Let me go! - Smith, come back here.
Look, Major.
It's gone.
Do you realize we're marooned on this forsaken planet? Why didn't you try to stop it? Because I deliberately set the remote-control system so it would return to the Jupiter 2.
Right now, Smith, we're expendable.
No sense in sacrificing a vital piece of equipment along with us, now is there? - Oh, good heavens.
I'm trapped here with a madman.
- You just take it easy, Smith.
As far as we're concerned, the space pod has served its purpose.
Now if the Robinsons want to return to this planet, they'll be able to.
- Why don't you understand that? - I understand that.
And suppose we wish to rejoin them? Well, Smith, old boy, in that case, we've burned our bridges behind us.
Now, we've got three hours before the Jupiter 2 passes over here.
Come on.
Let's find those aliens who don't like us.
I can't see a living thing.
There was never any life on this planet.
You're wrong again, Smith, and I can prove it.
[ Gasps ] From the looks of this skull, animals, greatly resembling our own once inhabited this planet.
[ Shudders ] Take it away.
You know how sensitive I am.
- Let's take a look over here.
- But, Major, I'm completely exhausted.
My delicate back is a disaster area.
I must rest.
All right.
You stay here.
I'll take a look behind those rocks.
Oh, dear.
This whole thing is an incredible wild goose chase.
[ Screams ] Major! Major! Major! - What is it now, Smith? - Over there! Look.
All right, I'm looking.
He was here.
Just a moment ago.
Smith, you better take hold of yourself.
You're beginning to slip.
I am not imagining things.
He was an old man, and he was looking directly at me.
All right.
All right.
Maybe there was someone here.
But he's gone now.
Now there's a cave over there behind those rocks.
Let's go investigate.
It's an excellent idea.
Why don't you run along, and I shall wait for you here.
Smith, am I gonna have to drag you along with me? There's no need for both of us to go.
I wouldn't want to leave you here alone in this dangerous place.
How very considerate of you.
He was here.
Right here, and I saw him.
I did.
Major, I beg you to reconsider.
We could be placing ourselves in deadly peril.
Which would you rather face, Smith? What's inside there or me? Let us proceed.
It doesn't look like anyone's been in here for a long, long time.
- I wonder who lived here? - I am not in the least bit interested.
[ Gasps ] Major! Oh.
Help me up.
[ Male Voice ] Hear then the story of this ancient world.
In the beginning, the planets fought among themselves.
For 10,000 years, civilizations battled with each other.
And then, the Sobrams appeared.
A race whose sole enjoyment was the making of war.
They had created an indestructible planet capable of moving through the galaxy at will.
But if the world of the Sobrams was indestructible they themselves were not.
They fought to their own extinction.
Now, nothing remains of this warrior race except this world and the history you have heard.
But if there are no more Sobrams, who fired those missiles at us? I don't know.
But no matter how it was done we've got to find those missile launchers and destroy them.
Let's look in there.
- Smith, come on.
- I can't get down.
Come on.
Come on.
Dad, I just can't figure out why Dr.
Smith would volunteer to go down on that planet with Don.
It is completely against Dr.
Smith's normal behavior pattern of stark terror.
If we could find the means that Don used to convince him, we should bottle it.
How are we going to find this place? The servomechanism is set to home in on the exact spot the pod took off from.
Touchdown should be within 20 seconds.
Well, we found what we were looking for.
Those are missile launching tubes.
Then I suggest we destroy them immediately and relay the information back to the others.
You know something, Smith? Once in a while you do come up with a good idea.
What are you waiting for? Why don't you shoot? - I can't seem to pull the trigger.
- Well, try.
Put away that weapon.
It is useless here.
My dear sir, we meant you no harm.
All we would like is your permission to leave.
- I know all about your problem.
- You do? Yes.
I've been observing you.
Since you're aware of our situation, I'll get right to the point.
We can be away from here in 15 hours if you'll allow us to continue our orbit around this planet without firing.
I might, provided you agree to my terms.
- Anything, sir.
- Smith! Let's hear the proposition before we go jumping, huh? What do you have in mind? I am the last of the once mighty warrior race of the Sobrams.
According to the history I heard, I thought there were no more Sobrams.
That record was prepared by myself.
- I didn't think anybody would arrive here before I perished.
- Go on.
The end of my life is near.
But before it is over, there is a legacy I must leave.
Oh, my dear sir, I shall be more than happy to help you with your will.
You see, as something of a legal brain, let me assure you I can avoid all but the most complicated of probates.
- Yes.
Well, that's not what I meant.
- Just what did you mean? What is your legacy? One of you must stay behind and take over this planet.
Either that, or you will all be destroyed.
- Where do you think they are, Dad? - Your guess is as good as mine.
Let's scout the area.
- Professor Robinson.
Professor Robinson! - What is it? My sensors indicate that Dr.
Smith is approaching from that direction.
Are you all right? - I am perfectly well.
- Where's Don? He's safe and sound, and I have other good news.
Our difficulties are over.
We can keep the spaceship in orbit around this planet as long as we like without fear of further attack.
- That's great, Dr.
- My sensors are also highly pleased.
- Why isn't Don with you? - He's still making arrangements with the alien.
Arrangements? There's no reason to concern yourself, just a minor detail.
You know how fussy these aliens are.
All right, let's have the whole story, and I want the truth.
- I promise you.
It's nothing.
- I'm waiting.
Surely you don't doubt my word! - Are you going to answer me? - There's no need for hostility.
The alien agreed to allow the Jupiter to stay in orbit if one of us would remain here on the planet.
Major West volunteered.
I feel as badly as you do, believe me.
The major acted in the noblest tradition of the true hero.
He sacrificed himself for us.
You can cut the embroidery.
I wanna talk to Don, and I wanna talk to that alien.
- Believe me, it is the best way.
- For the last time, are you gonna take me to them? If you insist.
- You'll find the major in there.
- After you.
Perhaps I should remain out here.
There's really no need for me to-- [ Whirring ] - What's that noise? - I haven't the faintest idea, and I don't wish to find out.
Well, I want to find out.
- You're making a mistake.
- Keep moving.
I think this way.
Uh, no.
This way.
[ Yells ] I refuse to go another step.
- Dr.
- Yes, Professor Robinson? [ Robot ] Cease and desist, or I will destroy.
Your friend will recover in a few moments, Professor Robinson.
He submitted to this test as his own choice.
- What are you doing to him? - The major volunteered to run this war world for me.
I was testing him to see if he was capable of it.
- Will.
- Don, are you all right? - Do we have a deal? - No.
Unfortunately, you have not the qualities necessary to run this world.
I must make other arrangements.
But there must be some mistake, sir.
The major is an expert in military strategy, and his courage is beyond question.
I'm sure he's an ideal choice.
His character test has revealed those facts.
It's in the area of moral conscience that the major fails.
Now let me get this straight.
You offered to take over the operation of this place? In exchange for the privilege of orbiting our ship around this planet.
- I see.
Look, let me handle this.
- All right.
If Major West is unacceptable to you, maybe I am.
- Dad, no.
- Your father is also unacceptable for the task, Earthboy.
Like the major, his sense of honor and fair play is too great.
Ethical standards have no place in my world.
What's to prevent us from destroying this place right now? First of all, you must kill me, and that's against your ethical code.
But if you could bring yourself to do it there is a missile site on the other side of the planet which is automated to destroy if this site is attacked.
My sensors have computed this machine, and it is not as the alien says.
He does not wish someone to take over this world after he dies.
- What does he mean? - Merely a harmless deception designed to make it easier for one of your group to stay behind.
You'd better start explaining fast.
Why should I? Time is on my side.
Within 40 minutes of your Earth time, your ship will be over this site.
The alien seeks one thing.
Someone to play against him in one last war game.
A game that eventually will destroy this entire world.
Is that true? My opponent will be given the other missile site and together we will do battle until there is nothing left of this world.
Can you think of a better way for a warrior race to end? - I can think of lots better ways.
- Naturally.
You're the constant victim of your own ethical standards.
There's only one person I know who's totally without any standards.
He certainly has the sneaky look of a dirty fighter.
- You've got my personal guarantee for it.
- No, no.
You can't take me.
I'm not at all well.
I wouldn't be any good at war games.
Ask William.
I can't even beat him at a game of chess.
Smith, you told me you beat the Robot 10 straight games.
Beat the Robot? I? Why that's impossible, William.
What are you saying? Tell them.
Tell them.
Tell them, my magnificent mobile, that nobody can beat a machine.
Tell them that-- A machine.
Of course.
The best competitor in any glorious war game.
You, sir, volunteer.
Smith, you can't do that.
I am afraid I must, Will Robinson.
My computers indicate there is no other course of action.
But it will never work.
You're programmed only to defend, not attack.
And besides, you're more ethical than any of us.
A condition that can be easily remedied.
I shall simply remove his sensory tapes.
And would the mechanical man be then well equipped enough to do battle with me? Absolutely.
Is that true? It's true.
- Do you accept my offer? - I do.
Then it's all settled.
I shall at once remove his tapes.
I'd like to say good-bye to the Robot while he still has all his tapes.
Good heavens, William.
This is hardly the time for sentimentality.
If you must, you must.
And so, my young friend, we come to the parting of the ways.
You shouldn't have done it.
We could've thought of another solution.
There was no time.
Besides, you are a big boy now, Will.
The realities of life must be faced.
But none of us will ever see you again.
Even if all my sensors are removed, I shall not forget you.
Robot, I-- I-- nothing.
Go, Will Robinson.
Leave me, and do not look back.
Good-bye, Robot.
Well, we may as well get this over with.
- There's no point in remaining.
- Smith, we'll meet you back at the pod.
I shall join you in a few moments.
Well, Judy and Penny are taking it very badly I'm afraid.
[ John ] There just wasn't anything else we could do, Maureen.
- I understand.
- Don and Will are on their way back to the spaceship.
When they arrive, send the pod down to pick us up.
- All right.
- Mother, they're back.
- Oh.
John-- - I heard, Maureen.
- Now, you know what to do? - Yes.
I'll see you soon, dear.
[ Sighs ] Oh, dear.
Well, I see that William and the major have departed for the spaceship.
- Is that the Robot's sensory tape? - Yes, it is.
I thought that William would like to keep it for old time's sake.
- That's very kind of you.
- Good heavens.
Don't tell me you're suffering pangs of loss for that ridiculous robot? - As a matter of fact, I am.
- For shame, Professor.
- For shame.
- Well, let's just drop the subject then.
Very well, but not to worry.
This tape can surely be installed in any other mechanical man once we return to Earth.
- It wouldn't be the same thing.
- Nonsense.
One robot is like another.
When you've seen one, you've seen them all.
- Freeze.
- Freeze, indeed.
Why should I freeze? The climate on this planet is really quite comfortable.
- F-Freeze? What-- No! - [ High-pitched Whine ] - [ Whining, Boinging ] - Shoot! Shoot! What are you waiting for? Can't you see we're being invaded by an alien plant monster? Wait a minute.
I've got an idea.
That's the same plant creature.
It is? It's the same little fellow that I raised from nothing? Are you sure? It's a mutation of its original form.
Somehow it's learned survival.
It may have enough basic intelligence to help us.
Well, of course it will help us.
Just tell me what you want it to do.
There's only one of 'em.
That could be a problem.
Its cell structure indicates it could be parthenogenetive, and that could do it.
Parthenogenesis? I used to know what that means.
- Never mind what it means.
You've got a big job ahead of you.
- Me? Yes.
When the space pod returns, get all the neutron grenades and a spare laser.
- The spare laser.
- Now-- Now comes the hard part.
- Here's what I want you to do.
- [ Boinging ] [ Blows ] Now, you've been told where the other launch site is.
Now, you will go there and activate all missiles for the final battle.
[ Speaks Slowly ] Affirmative.
Without your sensory tapes, you're not much of a conversationalist.
However, that was not what I bought you for.
Now mark this.
Our little battle will begin precisely at-- I'm afraid you're gonna have to postpone your little battle indefinitely.
Now you keep out of this.
I bought this robot.
He's mine.
I'm not arguing about that.
I'm here to tell you that this planet, this war world of yours, is being invaded.
- Invaded? - By an army of plant creatures.
[ Scoffs ] Ridiculous.
No one would dare to invade this war world.
Look for yourself.
- [ Whining ] - Now, hold still while I fasten your gun belt.
- [ Boinging ] - Oh, the pain of it all.
A valet to a monster.
Now, don't be sensitive, dear boy.
When a child goes forth into the world it is the duty of his mother to see to it that it learns to face realities.
Do you understand? If you're going to be a monster, be the best monster.
Now hold perfectly still.
Any moment now, you're going to have to look like a whole invading army.
Don't go away.
I must fetch the grenades.
Now let me put them right here.
Now, take one.
Take one.
Take it, and hold it.
Now, then, throw it like that.
- Bravo.
There's a good boy.
- What is your friend doing? He's trying to convince the leader of the plant creatures to leave in peace - and save your world.
- Save my world? The greatest warrior race in the galaxy and you dare to presume that we would accept peace? I shall destroy their leader with a hyperlaser beam.
I wouldn't suggest that.
You might be in for an unpleasant surprise.
Nothing could withstand a Sobram hyperlaser beam.
[ Whining, Boinging ] A parthenogenetive life-form.
Now I remember what that word means.
[ Grunts ] Oh, here.
Here, hold this, will you? Carefully, it's the Robot's tapes.
Now all the grenades are activated.
[ Chuckles ] Perhaps a worthier opponent than I thought.
It will be necessary to avoid using light-amplifying weapons.
Now, let me see.
Ah, suppose we try radion rockets? [ Screams ] Attack! Attack! Throw the grenades.
Go on! Do it for Mother.
Impervious to radion rockets.
Fascinating! Ha.
Let me see now.
Ah, flame bombs.
That's the answer.
[ Laughs ] First they must be cut off from their main attack force.
Now, let me see what the range might be.
Now, X-X-X-6.
- [ Gasps ] - Nine.
- They just seem actually to be enjoying themselves.
- Come on.
Oh, my heavens! The Robot's sensory tape.
I gave it to one of the monsters.
If we don't get that tape back, he'll be a mindless machine.
- Don't throw that tape! - Wait here.
- Smith, get the tape.
- I can't! Get it! - Ten.
- I got it.
- I did it.
I did it.
- You certainly did.
Now let's get inside.
You know, I'm really proud of you for saving the Robot's sensory tapes, Dr.
My gratitude also has no bounds.
A mother could do no more for her own child than you did for me.
Spare me your gratitude.
You're no child of mine, you cumbersome clump.
I just blacked out for a moment.
I don't know what could have possessed me.
Oh, come on, Dr.
You're not fooling anyone.
We all know you're as fond of the Robot as the rest of us.
There, you juvenile junk pile.
You're as good as new.
Thank you, Dr.
I am now doubly in your debt.
However, I'm not sure if my basic arithmetic tape is intact.
I will have to test it.
One and one makes two.
That is correct.
Two and two make four.
That is correct.
- Three and three make six.
That is correct.
- Oh, good heavens.
To think that I abandoned that charming and intelligent little plant - for this bumbling bucket of bolts.
- Eight and eight make 37.
- Thirty-six.
- Nine and 36 make "leventy leven.
" - "Leventy leven"? - Leventy leven and one mile make six oranges.
Oranges? What have oranges to do with this? Oh, good heavens.
I shall have to start all over again.
- [ Giggling ] - Ow! Oh.
- [ Laughing Harder ] - Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Oh dear.
"Leventy leven and oranges.
" This is all your fault.
However, let me tell you.
You're simply not worth it, and that is correct.