Louis Theroux s01e12 Episode Script

1 How much meth would you have to take to become that badly damaged by it? Well, crystal meth, it has It has basically poisoned and affected my nervous system.
You took so much meth it affected your nervous system? Yeah.
It affects your nervous system, and I have The receptors are going so fast movements, and I have jaw movements that is acting up in my body.
Crystal meth, what happens is it deteriorates your teeth, right? Can you show us your teeth? It rots up your teeth and it gets it actually just tears them all up, see? Tears them all up.
Tears them all up.
I was in Fresno, California, on the trail of the world's most abused hard drug.
You're up so high, you're speeding like a kite.
You're biting your teeth, you're grinding because you don't even know what your body is doing.
Your eyes are going 100 miles an hour in every direction.
- What is it? - Crystal meth.
Methamphetamine, or crystal meth, is a derivative of speed.
Cheap and easy to produce, it can be devastating for those who get addicted.
Face the other way, face away from me.
I hate not I hate not being clean, but I hate being clean, you know? I messed up by using again.
I was hoping to understand the hold the drug exerts over its users by spending time in the world of the hardcore addicts.
Does it look tempting, Louis? No? Look tempting? And so I'd come to one of the worst-affected areas in America.
206.
What's your location? On the frontline of Fresno's meth problem are the city police.
Copy, 2711.
Where are we now? Pretty much exactly downtown Fresno.
How much of the crime you see is meth related? Half or maybe even more.
Everybody knows somebody that's got a family member or friend or relative that somehow has been impacted by narcotics.
Everything from domestic violence, child abuse, property crimes, theft, vehicle burglaries.
Lot of activity here.
In fact, this one's now vacant, This one's now vacant.
Gang activity, drugs.
We had a shooting here, we had a stabbing here.
One of the first spots we hit, an apartment belonging to the sister of a suspected dealer in a complex that was well known to the police.
- OK, you guys come in.
- Thank you.
It's quite rough in here, isn't it? - This istypical for a drug house.
- Why, though? Drug, the addiction, users that come around, people dealing out of here.
I think it's just the people that come.
She's just vulnerable to them, and lets them in and they start either using here or What's sad is I think there are kids living here, too, aren't there? - Yes, three kids.
- Three kids? Yeah.
I think the smallest one's under five.
Just the conditions this place is in here, that's not enough to notify social services? No.
She has food in the refrigerator.
Other than the mess, it doesn't pose a hazard.
It's just It's just messy.
On the other side of the city, a car pulled over for a minor violation contained a woman acting strangely and some friends.
Anything interesting? We've got some pipes, scales and dope.
- What kind of dope is it? - Meth.
It's meth? They've got meth on them? What's so funny? Yeah, I don't know.
Everything's funny.
Is there already a warrant out for her arrest, did someone say? - What are you under arrest for? - Not going to court.
- What's your warrant for? - For drugs.
- What is it? - It's a methamphetamine pipe.
How much does a small bag like that cost? About $10.
What was his original offence, the guy in the back? Possession for sales.
So this guy could be a dealer? You did time in prison for dealing meth? - For dealing drugs, meth.
- You were taking it as well? Pretty much.
I've been on a good little run.
How come you got so caught up in meth? You smoke that shit and it's over, man.
You know? I've snorted cocaine, I've done meth, I've done crack, I've snorted it.
I took a hit of some meth, and it's pretty much a wrap.
- You smoke about a gram a day? - Sure do, maybe more.
- Really? - Yes.
- You smoke every day? - Every day.
How come? Because I want to, because I feel like it.
For how long have you been doing this? Since 1995.
- And you have three kids? - Yes, I do.
Do they know that you get high every day? Yes, they do.
Most likely, yes, they do, because their grandparents tell them everything.
I left that house to just come out here and do whatever I want to do.
Is that because of the drugs you used, or? No, not even because of that.
Because my baby's dad freaking left me, and I couldn't stay in that house no more because of the fact it brought too many fucking memories inside my fu inside You still care for your children, right? - Who wouldn't?! - You ever think about your children? I do, every day! Every day! And that's why I get high, because I just want the fucking pain to go away.
I don't care if you're gonna believe me or not, but After today, I wasn't gonna smoke no more at all cos I was gonna go fucking do everything I was supposed to do and everything, after today.
I don't care if you believe me or not, but that's the truth.
That's all in my It's all I have to do, is just fucking wanted to stop.
And that's all I have to do, I just want to stop.
How old are your children? 13, 6 and 4.
Watch your head as you get in.
I was curious to meet more addicts, and to try to understand the appeal of the meth lifestyle.
# One, two, three, four # You saw the sun that rises up for more Over and over Given the scale of the drug problem in Fresno, it's perhaps not surprising that the city is also home to the largest rehab facility in the State of California.
It's run by a company called WestCare.
# And if there's any justice in this world Gotta keep moving on Many of the addicts here have been sent by the courts as an alternative to a jail term.
They live segregated by sex.
A majority have a problem with meth.
I'm writing you this letter to say goodbye to meth.
You have made my life hell and have destroyed my life for the last time.
Recently, there's been a surge in the numbers of addicted women.
One of the side-effects of meth is unbridled sexual activity, and many of the women are mothers to large numbers of children.
WestCare deputy administrator is Lynn Pimentel.
How many people do you have in residence here in recovery, total? We're licensed for 299 adults and 55 children.
- The children aren't addicted to drugs? - Some are born addicted, yes.
Some are born addicted, really? How do you know? They test at birth, they test the urine and they test the mother.
We have a lot of problems in the Valley with poverty, unemployment, crime.
Meth is very accessible and it kinda takes the pain away for folks and makes them feel good.
Epidemic.
Growing.
Easily manufactured, very cheap and spreading across the country.
So, the pathways for women are very different.
Women's pathways to addiction tend to come through relationships, to develop a connection with another human being.
Men's pathways What, so a husband or boyfriend will introduce her to the drug? Boyfriend, husband, father, molester, abuser.
95% of the individuals, the women that walk in here, test positive for mental health disorders, either depression, anxiety, compulsive behaviour.
85% have been the victims of sexual, physical or emotional abuse.
Men know who their enemies are and who will wanna hurt them - they're gangs, they're the police, they're enemy in war.
Women tend to be abused and hurt by those who say, "I love you," so it's very crazy making.
So we treat the men different than the women.
They have to learn how to express themselves.
Women have no problems expressing themselves.
It's what they do with it is the problem.
- Good morning, ladies, I'm Janice.
- Hi, Janice! I woke up feeling mischievous today.
Something good about me is I'm a good mom, good daughter, good friend, loyal friend.
I'm clean and sober today and I love my children and grandchildren.
Something good about me is I'm still here, I'm still trying, I'm still willing to get help.
One of those coming close to the end of her stay at WestCare was a recovering addict and convicted meth manufacturer called Senteka.
So you're on a relatively short The short-term programme here, which is 30 days.
- And you had done some time in jail? - Yes.
- How long? - This last time, seven months.
Seven months? And you'd done another sentence before that? Yeah, four months.
See, I was looking at I was looking at about eight to ten years' prison.
It sounds like you at one point had been kind of quite deep into the meth lifestyle? - Right.
- Is that fair to say? Yeah, very much.
For 15 years.
How much How often would you take it? When I was snorting it, it was It wasn't as much.
I could do a 20 sack, which is, you know, it's small.
- $20? - $20 worth.
But then I started smoking it, it became to be almost like I'm smoking a cigarette, OK? And I'm, like So every time I get up out of bed, wanted to smoke a ball.
I mean, did you ever go on binges where you were staying up a long time? How long would you stay up? - The longest I stayed up was two weeks.
- Without sleeping? Without sleeping.
And I was just like I mean, seeing things.
It was off the wall.
- Did you like it? - I did, because it was different.
And what would you be doing when you were on these long binges? I mean, just socialising, or what? No, I would be by myself most of the time.
On your own? Not even with a boyfriend? No, I was more of a I felt like I wanted to do it so I can get stuff done - clean, you know? Get the house all clean.
Thinking I'm getting it done, but I'm really stuck in one spot for frigging five or six hours.
Cleaning one thing.
- And you have kids, right? - Right.
- How many? - I have five girls.
- Where are they? - Four of them are in CPS.
- Child Protective Services.
- Right.
- And the other one? - And the other one is with her dad.
It was more important to you at that stage At that stage, right.
To get high than to be with your children? Right.
I guess you could say I chose the dope, at that moment, over my children, but I felt that I was doing the best for them, at that time.
You know, I just I didn't think I had anywhere to go with them.
Who are you with now? I'm still kind of with my children's father, but he's still He's still in his addiction.
And I know I cannot When I leave this programme, I can't go to him if he is still using, because I cannot jeopardise my sobriety again.
I can't.
Or I'm not I may not come back again.
I might go out and I'll not make it back.
There is that.
There is that chance.
- Meaning? - Death.
Jails, institutions and death.
Roughly half a million people live in Fresno.
Historically, it was an agricultural centre, but for years the city has struggled with unemployment.
And the recent downturn has only made the situation worse.
Some say people take meth to help them work longer hours in boring jobs, others simply to escape their problems.
I wanted to get to know some active addicts.
Being illegal, the use of meth is highly secretive, but I'd heard about a weekly needle exchange programme supported by WestCare.
It would be a way to meet users who take their drugs by injecting them, also known as slamming.
- What's your name? - Karl.
Karl.
How do you do, I'm Louis.
And you've got a problem with meth, would you say? Meth, shards, whatever you wanna call it any more.
- I've been doing it for 35 years.
- Really? I slam three or four times a day, every day.
And I eat, sleep every day, you know? Take vitamins, take care of myself.
And, you know, sure, it's affected my life some, but I have a wife, we've been together 27 years.
- Does your wife use as well? - Yes, she does.
- How often does your wife use? - Same thing as I do.
- Three or four times a day? - She just smokes, she don't slam.
- Really? - Mmm-hmm.
In money terms, how much are you using a day? Probably $100 a day.
- That's $700 a week.
- Mmm-hmm.
£400 a week or more.
That's a lot.
Yeah, I've went through it.
- When did you last shoot up? - About an hour ago.
- You don't seem that high.
- It's how you do it.
I don't care if I've just done one.
If I need to, I can be as straight as the next person.
- Do you have children? - I have five boys.
- Five boys? - Mmm-hmm.
But they're not with us.
They live with her brother.
Wouldn't you like them to be with you? Well, I'm smart Yeah, I would, but then I'm not gonna jeopardise my children over my choices.
Sounds like you chose your drug over your children, in a sense.
No, I chose the fact that I love my children enough not to let them get involved with me around it.
Have you ever thought about going into WestCare? You know, they have these inpatient facilities.
Rehab stuff will not do anybody any good that's not already ready to quit.
And if you're already ready to quit, you don't need rehab, OK? They can help.
I plan on when I'm 90 years old in my wheelchair, be rolling down the aisle and, boom, do a big one and that's it.
Blow my heart out.
And it'll be all over with.
As long as it's in my wife's arms.
I just wanna die in her arms, then I don't care.
I was back with law enforcement, this time the Sheriffs Department.
The rural parts of Fresno County are well known for hiding clandestine labs where meth is cooked up using an over-the-counter cold remedy.
Even the small towns have large numbers of meth addicts.
So we're What are we doing? What they're doing right now, they've got a UC car that's set up on a residence - That's undercover? - Yeah, an undercover car.
set up in a church parking lot, almost catty-corner from the house.
Stand by.
They're looking for an escapee, he's an 18-year-old escapee and has a warrant, a no-bail warrant out for his arrest.
Only see the front door and the front of the house, I can't see down the street.
I can't see anything else.
I'm kind of looking over a fence.
Let's just get this one crossed off the list.
- What's happening? - They're gonna hit the house.
The best way in there I think that's our primary, he's walking back towards me.
Last time we went in, there were a couple of smaller kids.
Grandma, sister, Mom.
Right now, she's putting something under the bed.
Brett, did you know you had a warrant? No.
Are you Brett? How do you do? I'm Louis.
We're from the BBC, British Broadcasting.
Do you know why they've come for you today? It's OK, Brett.
It's OK.
Hey, Brett? Brett? Cross your feet for me.
Ditching her dope on the scale.
Ditching her dope in the scale, my goodness.
Scales.
- What kind of drug was it? - It's methamphetamine.
You can see it here.
It's a nice-sized rock.
- What is it? - Crystal meth.
Yeah, my car's right there.
How you doing? I'm Louis.
What's your name? My name is Barbara, I'm Brett's grandmother.
Brett is the very tall, skinny young man who was the guy they were looking for, basically? Yes, he had a warrant, which I was unaware of.
- He's got a problem with crystal meth? - I guess.
- And his mother, too? - She has it She had in the past, yes.
Really? But she's been out She's been out and off parole now for over four years.
It sounds like meth's been a problem in your family? Yes.
My daughter, she left me with Brett, Brett was four years old, when she was doing drugs.
I've given, probably, the last 19 years of my life to help raising my grandchildren.
So that they don't wind up in They don't wind up in CPS and they don't wind up in Well, look at poor Brett.
Just breaks my heart to see him have to to try and walk through his mother's footprints that she did for so long.
You think Brett got off-track because of the mistakes that your daughter, his mother, made? I think it contributed to it, yes.
Watching Mom out on the streets and leaving him alone Cos of the drugs? Leaving him with family and friends, not having a mother and a father.
Being shuffled between families.
And his dad serving 25 years for premeditated murder in Washington.
Hey, y'all, we'll call you when we get back.
OK.
Back in Fresno, I was hoping to get deeper into the meth lifestyle.
I'd met up with an ex-dealer called Kevin.
He told me that one of his best friends, Chris, was a serious meth head.
And what is your what is your routine? What do you do together? Ummake money.
Really, I'm like his manager.
He gets stuff and then he brings it to me, I tell him what it's worth and then I sell it for him.
Sort of on the fringes of legality, as it were? I don't understand.
- Stolen goods? - Yeah.
I don't wanna put you on the spot, Kevin, but would you say that you're a criminal? Nah.
Hey, Kevin.
How you doing? Louis.
Louis.
What's your name? - Chris.
- Chris, nice to meet you.
A little later, with Chris on board, we headed back to Kevin's house.
- Hi, how do you do? I'm Louis.
- Hi, Louis.
A few of his friends were having a barbecue.
Hi! - So, this is your place? - Yeah.
- And are those your kids? - Yeah.
What time do they normally turn in? - For real? - Really.
You don't find it makes them cranky if they haven't sort of had a good night's sleep? Bubbas! Get out of the window.
One of those present was a meth dealer with an unusual nickname.
- This is Wiggles? - Yes.
Nice to meet you, I'm Louis.
How's it going? You also go by Andrew, is that right? That's your name? Andrew, you use a bit? Quite a lot? Quite a lot? Where do you get it from? Your connection? From people who are cooking it themselves? Why? I mean, the meth that's sold in Fresno, would it be mainly cooked around here or in California, or is it brought? Do you think Andrew's use is Do you think it's had a mental effect on him? Yeah.
I think it has effect on everybody, anyone who does it.
- Since you were 11?! - Yeah.
- So, Louis? - Yo? I'm'a take another break.
- OK.
- I'll be right back.
- OK.
- All right.
Pick up where we left off.
Chris had been taking occasional breaks all afternoon.
I had a hunch they might be meth related.
This time, Andrew joined him.
For me, it was an awkward moment.
Though I'd wanted to experience the depths of the meth lifestyle, I hadn't thought much about what I'd do when I got there.
Does it look tempting, Louis? No? Look tempting? Do you feel different now, Andrew? About six more of those It's quite weird for me.
On one level I felt like I should be kind of challenging you and telling you not to do it, d'you know what I mean? You seem a little tweaked now, is that the word? You seem a little twitchier, like head movements and stuff.
Where did they just come from, Kevin? You don't mind if I sit down for a while? No, take a load off.
- Louis, man, you're cool with me, man.
- Thank you, man.
I don't care what they say about They'd better not say nothing about this guy.
Got a problem with all of us! It was close to midnight and, for me, bedtime.
The most troubling part of the evening had been the presence of children.
Though I was fairly sure they hadn't seen any drug use, I still felt I should talk to Kevin.
Do you ever worry about the lifestyle that your friends are involved in, and your kids being around it? No.
I mean, I think there's a lot Bubs, go inside.
Bubbas.
It seems to me there's a danger here that they could be exposed to some of the chaos, you know, that goes with the lifestyle? I don't know.
Because Chris and Andrew They're relaxing in there with your children, toddlers.
If anything, they'll they'll help keep them safe.
If any trouble did come, they would You know? All in together.
Know what I mean? - Do you feel I'm being judgmental? - Kind of.
A little.
You've got to live the life for a minute to really see, you know? You just got kind of a quick glimpse and Really, it was the better side, like It's a whole lot worse, I tell you.
I've been a lot of places it gets a whole lot worse.
I was heading back to WestCare.
As a way of understanding the importance of family support to recovery, I've been invited to observe a therapeutic exercise called the hot seat.
Clients and their family members would be facing off in public in the hope of repairing their relationships.
One of those taking part was a recovering meth addict called Leanne.
So how many times have you been in recovery, inpatient? This is my fourth.
Fifth.
Fifth.
- Do you think you can do it? - I'm gonna try.
I think I got I'm gonna get more tools now, and I know what the big issue of me relapsing was, because I have five kids, and I lost them all, they're all adopted, and I'm still not getting over the fact that I lost them.
But it's been 17 years.
So I'm not gonna say never.
Is there a man in your life? Yeah, I just got married.
- When? - A year ago October.
How's that going? The day we got married, I relapsed.
So The night we got married, that night, I took off and I didn't come home for four days.
Supposed to be the best day of your life, right, when you get married.
And then that evening You couldn't even stick it out for the whole day? I didn't go thinking I wasn't gonna come home.
I went to go get high, and then I was gonna come home, but I didn't come home because once I got high, I got guilty.
You didn't come back for three days, did you say? Three days, but that was the first time.
It's already been four more times after that that I've took off on him.
So I am very blessed that he's still there.
And you've only been married a little over a year? A year and two months.
So your track record is not that good.
No, no! I wouldn't say so.
I'm good with that today, though.
- How are you feeling? - Nervous, like - Nervous? - Nervous.
Why? You think he's gonna give you You think he's gonna grill you? I don't know.
At this point in time, I do not know.
This is not a joke.
Amen.
Addiction is not a joke.
It's killing people, it's robbing children of their mothers and their fathers.
It's robbing you of your family, your life.
You lose yourself in this addiction.
But you know, I'm just happy to say you are beautiful women in recovery today, and this is where you make a change in your life.
I'm not going home and doing all my old behaviour again, I've told you that.
I don't want you involved in my life any more, I don't want nothing, because all you're doing is bringing me down.
Your way of dealing with things is to disappear, not answer the phone, and then afterwards, you pick up the phone and say, "How you doing?" like nothing happened.
I'm sorry, that's the part I was telling you I was sorry about, that I did all those things to you.
I put you off, I put you second and I put Mikey second, and I'm not gonna put you guys second any more.
- All right? - OK.
We got married a year and two months.
And our honeymoon Next day, you ran off.
I left at 5.
45 for work and you was gone at 6.
30, like that.
You hurt people that care about you.
- You understand? - I understand.
You can't live two lives.
Am I pushing you out there? - No.
- Am I making it too easy for you? Is that what it is? - Sometimes it was.
- Most of the time, sweetheart.
- Too easy for you.
- Yeah.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
The other recovering addict I'd met at WestCare, Senteka, was back at home and living with her boyfriend, who also had a meth problem.
She'd allowed me to tag along at her monthly visit with the one daughter she still had contact with.
She was belatedly giving her a Christmas present.
Have you noticed changes in your mum since she came out of WestCare? Yes.
I know she's doing better and she's trying harder to get me and my sisters back.
And when she does, she's gonna stay better.
- How do you know that? - Because she's Senteka, she's my mom.
My mom's a strong person, she's always been a strong person.
That's just the kind of person my mom is.
I know you're only 15 and so there's things you wouldn't have been aware of, but did you have a sense that your mum had a substance abuse problem? People tried telling that you were.
I wouldn't believe them, but in the back of my mind, I'm like, I know my mum's probably doing it, she just doesn't want to tell me to hurt my feelings.
I remember that one night, you left cos you said you were going over to the store, but you never came home, and I got scared and my sisters were all sleeping, so I got on the bike and rode over to Dwayne's and found you there, remember? You don't remember that? You were asleep in the garage with him.
And I said, "Mom, Mom," and I'm like, "I found you.
" - Oh, yeah.
- I was only 11.
Yeah.
I left you guys I left you at home.
It must be difficult for you staying clean if you live with someone who's not clean.
Right.
And I really think that he should go to a programme, because he drinks and I think he's using.
He's, um Since I've been home, he's not there all the time.
He's leaving.
And I just can't go back to that kind of life.
Have you used at all since you came out? No.
No.
Not even crossed my mind.
Because all I picture is my girls, and I figure Every time I wanted to pick up that pipe before, I would always see them saying, "Mom, don't do it.
" Back in the world of active users, I'd been invited to see Karl, the addict I'd first met at the needle exchange.
Hi.
You're the next contestant on The Price Is Right.
Are you Diane? I'd been struck by Karl saying he was still with his wife of 20-plus years.
- Karl told you how we met? - Yes.
- At the needle exchange? - Mm-hm.
I was curious to see what life was like for a couple who were heavily involved in meth use.
How do you bring income in? I clean houses for some church ladies I know.
Right now, we're both full-time students, so we have student loans.
You're both in school at the moment? What are you studying? I'm studying to be a drug counsellor.
- Are you? - Oops, a relapse.
I hate it when that happens! You seriously are studying to be a drug counsellor? Yeah.
- You're not clean at the moment, though? - No.
And how long were you using before that? It's been about over 30 years.
- So basically, you get high every day? - Oh, yeah.
First thing in the morning, like when you get up? Mm-hm.
If we get lucky, maybe in the afternoon, but around nap time we get to get high, maybe.
But usually at night, when we've taken care of all our responsibilities for the day, we get high in the evening.
What is your criminal history? Extensive.
I was an independent businesswoman.
I used to sell $10, 20,000-worth of meth a week.
You had periods where you were apart? - For seven years.
- During her incarceration.
Her incarceration? Have you been incarcerated? - Yeah.
- What for? About the time she was getting out, I got throwed in.
She did three and a half and I did three and a half, so that put us apart for seven years.
We love being together, OK? I couldn't stand anybody else.
Nobody else would put up with me.
I can't stand anybody else either, I just love her.
- Nobody would put up with him either.
- Hey! They would, too.
Would you like to kick the drug? I would give anything not to I hate using.
You like being high? - I don't Well - Do you? At times.
I don't like I don't like being suicidal.
I don't like laying in my bed for three weeks at a time, not being able to get up and take a shower.
I don't like that.
I don't like not feeling right.
You know? I just I just want to be able to function andyou know? I'm a smart person, I have a lot to offer and I love people, and I want to do things with my life.
But, no matter what the consequences are, you end up using again.
We've been spending some time at WestCare inpatient.
The position they would take there is you do have a choice.
When you're active in your addiction, you don't have that choice.
When you get clean for a while, then there is a choice.
I may make bad choices, but I'm not a bad person, you know? And it's hard.
There have been times in my addiction when - and I'm not proud of that - that I turned to prostitution, and the things I've had to do to survive and to support my drug habit.
Karl, how did you deal with that? I made sure that she was safe was she was turning tricks.
- He'd watch the door, and that's sad.
- Why? Because it has nothing to do with my love for her.
- My love for her - Be honest, be honest.
And because we wanted the dope, and we wanted the money at the time.
I'm the ultimate recycler.
- Are you? - Yes.
Karl found this stuff out in the yard the other day.
He said, "Man, that looks like a duck.
" So I start putting I don't know.
- I made my curtains and - Did you do that? This was just a stick out in the yard.
- You can see the faces that are in it.
- You whittled that? This is the first time I've ever done That's my first one.
And she's excellent.
Everything in here, she sews herself.
And this is where you spend a lot of time too? Yeah, this is our Where we sit.
Is that you? Yes.
- You had a little more meat on you.
- Yeah, that was before I relapsed.
You don't keep more photos of your boys around, for what reason? - It's hard.
- Why? When I was in prison, they would send me some pictures and I would see the pictures - there's just almost too much pain to bear, cos, I mean, it's almost like I couldn't almost even breathe air cos I missed everything so much.
I would give anything to change a dirty diaper or clean up puke.
I just loved being a mom so much, and you would think that after seven years that the pain would lessen and that you would get over it, but you never do.
I hate the quietness, I hate not having the chaos.
That's why you came out to Fresno, to be nearer the kids? Yeah.
And I did I was doing well.
Sometimes a trigger can be doing poorly, it's a trigger.
Sometimes doing well can be a trigger for me.
Sometimes money is a trigger for me.
And that's kind of what happened.
We got this place and everything, we had a couple of bucks and I needed to clean the house.
I lost my choice when I went and used again, you know? You needed to clean the house? What's that got to do with? I needed the energy.
People drink coffee, I do meth.
You know?! I hate not I hate not being clean, but I hate being clean, you know? I messed up by using again.
I was back out with the police.
- Is that your boyfriend or your husband? - My husband.
Your husband? By now, our patrols had become a nightly ritual of busts of the desperate and the addicted Fresno Police Department, come to the door.
many of them on meth.
It's about15, 20.
The faces changed, but the stories had become familiar.
I was in danger of becoming desensitised to the plight of the people I was seeing.
All right, John, go ahead and relax.
What I want you to do is follow my finger for me, OK? - He's under arrest, Matt? - Yes, he is.
- What's his charge? - Possession of methamphetamines.
Possession of meth.
OK, so where'd you get the meth from? He don't live round here? How much did you pay for it? How old are you? You know it's illegal, right? - Yes, sir.
- You know it's a felony? Yes, sir.
Have you ever been arrested for any narcotics in the past? Are you a bit worried about what's gonna happen? Yeah.
You're worried about your grandparents? - Do you live with your grandparents? - Yes, sir.
Where are your parents? You're worried about what they'll think when they find out you've been arrested? - Yeah.
- What do you think they will think? - Disappointed and mad? - Yeah.
- Upset? - Yeah.
Hey, John, follow me, buddy.
What's your sense of what's going to happen in the next five, ten years? That's a kind of a scary thought.
It's kind of like a plague on this generation.
You see that so many people are getting addicted, and in the last few years, I'd say the majority of the ones we are seeing are meth.
Meth is the primary drug of choice.
It almost seems like it's family and kids who are getting involved now and parents are allowing it.
It seems to be so many people are getting addicted to the drug and not as many are getting turned around and going the other way.
They're addicted and they continue to want that lifestyle.
I was on the way back from my last patrol when Sergeant Teagan made a stop that was unlike anything I'd seen before.
A domestic in front of the ampm.
What's going on? - Are you having an argument? - We're just talking.
Do me a favour, come over here for me.
Keep your hands on top of your head.
A man high on meth and armed with a knife had been having a rowdy argument in a parking lot with his sister.
- Has he hit you? Has he hurt you? - No.
- Has he hit you in the past? - Yeah.
When he gets high, does he get violent? Yes? I don't have to admit to nothing, I have the right to remain silent.
OK.
- Dennis is your brother? - Yeah.
Am I right in thinking you've been using meth this evening? Do you use occasionally, or quite a bit? When he's used in the past, he's been he's been violent to you, sometimes? Yeah.
Also on the scene was the man's wife.
You said he never was violent with you, but now I notice that you have a restraining order.
It wasn't a violence restraining order.
What was the purpose of the restraining order? I wanted them out of the house.
They were sleeping together.
- Who? - Him and her.
His sister? OK, so how long has that been going on? - Two, two and a half years.
- How did you become aware of that? They finally told me.
Dennis and his sister have been sleeping together? Yeah.
He said in his head that he was supposed to be with his sister, so I don't really know what was in his mind.
He told you that he was meant to be with his sister sexually? He told you that? I found it out after they started staying in the other room.
I mean, that's kind of a crazy thing to say, isn't it? Yeah, it is.
I don't know what possessed him.
Is there a history of meth in their family? I think between father and son.
Anna and Dennis's father had a meth problem? Yeah.
It was a strange parting moment to my experience of families destroyed by meth.
The next day, and I was heading back to WestCare for a final catch-up with Lynn.
Guide me in my recovery, and show me how to live clean.
Keep coming back.
It works if you work it, so work it cos you're worth it! Beep-beep! - How's it been going here at WestCare? - It's been kind of rocky.
People must be suffering from spring fever, because we've had a real outbreak of relapse, going out and using, coming back, asking to be readmitted.
- We had a death.
- Did you? Not in the programme, but a child of one of our mothers who was struggling with respiratory problems and birth defects passed away at three months.
That was last week.
We had the funeral yesterday.
That's very sad.
It was very sad.
When you get upset about that, what are you thinking about? What a tragedy, that it didn't have to happen.
That there's education, there's services, there's prevention.
Our hope is that the plan here avoids it in the future.
Maybe that baby had to die so some other mother who's using right now won't.
It's tough.
- Anyone here got a problem with meth? - Meth is the devil's drug.
That's what I say.
It's just It's evil.
It's bad.
I mean, I'm 23 years old, I've already been in prison twice behind it.
It's horrible.
- Takes your freedom.
- Takes your self-respect.
It takes your self-respect.
It takes anything positive you ever had.
What do you think it is that makes people recover? A lot of it has to do with a single incident in time, like having a litter mate lose their baby.
Others might be that finally they saw themselves in the mirror as they walked by a storefront and thought, "Oh, my God, who is that person?" Some folks come in here to avoid other things, like prison and losing their children, and along the way they discover they're not such bad people, and they're pretty good company.
So they decide to like themselves.
And once you start liking yourself, you start feeling entitled to all the good things life has to give you, and so you'll do things like take good care of yourself, and say, "No, I'm not gonna hang out with you", or, "Methamphetamine is ruining my life.
I'm going to stop.
" Would you say a majority don't? Um No, I think you'll find as a national average, about 64% of folks that enter treatment successfully complete the treatment episode.
How many of those stay clean and sober is really unknown.
From being with you, I know anecdotally that you see the same faces coming in.
I do.
I don't have a problem with someone coming in 14, 15 times.
- At least they're back here.
- Yes.
Is it possible that it's not really about meth, it's about severely damaged people, people from traumatic backgrounds, and that they'll find something to medicate themselves with, no matter what? Yes.
I think you're right.
The physical and the psychological addiction is much more potent than other drugs.
And because it's cheap, abundant and rapidly and highly addictive, of course, that's why we have more of them.
Methamphetamine, the rapid spread, the rapid addiction, the rapid destruction of families, the rapid growth of criminal behaviour to support the drug habit, is measurable.
You've seen it in the last decade.
The question of why goes back to availability.
It's very easy to cook in your kitchen, therefore I can cook it, sell it, make some money and take care of my family.
And then it takes care of you.
My time among the addicts in Fresno was nearly up.
But before I left, I tracked down a few of the people I'd met during my stay.
Senteka, I found back behind bars at the Madera County jail.
So what's the story? Umwell, when I left the programme, when I saw you guys - Yeah.
- Um, well, that Thursday, I got high.
- Really? - Yeah.
Were you high when we saw you? No.
I won't be high to go see my daughter.
That day, though? You don't wake up just saying I don't know, you don't wake up saying you're going to get high, you just do it, I guess.
For me, I just do it cos I liked it.
It's not that I don't want my kids or anything, it's that I like to get high.
That's the problem.
And it's the problem of not wanting to like it, but you just do.
I just do.
You had also said that living with your boyfriend while he was using was going to be a challenge for you.
- Right.
- So maybe that was the obstacle I pretty much set myself up for failure, didn't I? Um Well, I guess I did, because at that moment, I didn't have nowhere else to go.
Um, and he had come to visit me, thinking that it was all going to be OK, I'm not going to use either.
Well, it didn't change.
You really love him? CHUCKLING I don't know.
Because I don't know if he's gonna change, so if I go back to him, then he's just going to be my enabler and I'm gonna use again.
I won't change, and I'll never get my kids back.
It's definitely open to you to go back into recovery.
That road is still They're not going to say, "No, you've had enough chances.
" They just want to give me another chance, I guess, so they're giving me another chance with the programme, but I have to do at least up to a year programme, which is fine.
Hopefully, it'll work this time.
I'll try to make it work.
You know, I want my kids, they're my life, but it's just hard, you know? It's hard to quit.
Leanne, on the other hand, was back living with her husband.
I was created to make your praise And by all appearances, making good progress.
How have you been doing? - Great.
- Are you clean? Yep.
64 days today.
- Robert? Is she clean? - Yeah.
- You sure? - Yep.
How do you know? 24/7.
I'm not gonna lie.
I have wanted to use twice since I've been home, but I'm done.
I'm done.
My last appointment was with Karl and Diane.
I'd arranged to meet Karl outside a pizza parlour near his house.
From our conversation last time, I had the sense that in some ways, you were happier in your addiction than Diane is in hers? Being a girl, first up, she started out when she was only 12 or 13.
The people she was with, they would let the dealers rape her.
Therefore, I haven't had to go through the things that she's had to go through, you know? And so, yeah, I have a whole lot better outlook.
And being a mother that's doing drugs, andprobably the consciousness or the reality of doing those drugs and how it affects you and your children and your life is probably more I'm sure it's way more devastating to women than it is say, like, a man, OK? You think it's possible she'd be happier if she was clean? She hasn't reached that point yet where she's completely, totally committed to staying clean.
I would throw everything away.
I would throw it all out of my house today if she said, "No more".
Here she is.
Here she comes.
There comes the love of my life.
- How are you doing? - All right.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Get in there! - Come on in.
- Thank you.
Throw this out of the way! Karl and I were just talking about this.
Would you say, Diane, that you want recovery and you want sobriety more than Karl does? - I would say that, maybe.
- Probably.
Maybe, yeah.
At the same time, perhaps you're not ready? It's embarrassing, because I know I'm stronger and better than that.
It's really a cop-out, using.
It is.
But if I was to quit the destructive behaviour, things could be so much better.
How could your life be better, do you think? Oh, I could have a big old five-bedroom house with all my boys in it, you know, sending them all off to college, and being able to get a car for my son that's fixing to get his driver's licence, you know? Just all those things, any aspirations that most people have, you know.
You don't share Diane's idea that, you know, your lives could be so much more than what they are now? I'm sure it would be.
But then again, if I wasn't doing any dope, it would be better in certain ways, but then again, you cannot give me that guarantee, you can't give me that promise that if I quit doing dope, my life's going to get better.
You can't make that call.
I can't make that call.
She can't make that call.
You'll never know, though.
You'll never know unless you do it.
But I have done it before.
And was your life better? Yeah, I guess.
I mean He swims in a river of denial! Diane, do you think if you did make the jump and decided to quit and stay clean, are you confident Karl would go with you and support you? Oh, yeah.
He wouldn't use behind my back or anything like that.
So he's just waiting for you to make the change.
I can't sit there and, you know, put off my choices on him.
"Oh, it's because of him that I do this".
Realistically, I'm not making that choice.
My choice is using right now and, you know, that's on me.
I can't put that on anybody else.
Is it possible that your life is kind of OK now? - Oh, it's wonderful.
- You know what I mean? - Our life is great.
- It seems very nice.
It is, it is, but it could be so much more.
It's not always roses for us.
Considering what all we've been through and everything else, I do love her with all my heart.
We've been together 20 years.
I wouldn't trade her.
She's mine.
All mine.
You know, win, lose, draw, whatever, she's mine.
I'm happy.
You know, I'm more content right now with life with her being in my life.
Nothing else matters.
Not really.
Nothing.
I'm sorry - kids, nobody, nothing matters to me, without her.
He is the love of my life, always has been.
Always has been.
It was time to leave Fresno and the world of meth.
I hoped Diane found recovery.
I also knew she came from a background where her use was in some ways an understandable response to trauma too awful to imagine.
Meth can destroy lives and create misery, but it also takes root in communities that are already chaotic and under strain.
It provides a primitive and dangerous kind of pain relief, going on to cause new pain across the generations.