Love (2016) s03e08 Episode Script

Stunt Show

1 [CELL PHONE VIBRATING] Dreaming, yes, I'm dreaming I never get my head out the ceiling 27, 28, 29 I'm dreaming of you when I'm dreaming Walking, yes, I'm walking I'm talking to myself when I'm walking I wanna tell you what you already know I'm walking with you when I'm walking Dreaming Dreaming I'm dreaming of you when I'm dreaming I wanna tell you what you already know I'm dreaming of you when I'm dreaming [SIGHS] My angel.
- Randy! What the hell? - Oh Oh, no, I can explain.
What's happening, Randy? It's just a little situation I got going on.
[PANTING] It's nothing big.
Randy, do you live in your car? No, I do not live in my car.
So, when I say I need a night alone to get some rest and you say you're going home, do you go sleep in your car? Okay, yeah.
That's what I do, but it's just temporary.
I Airbnb'd my apartment for cash.
For how long? For six months.
Six months? That's not temporary, you're homeless! I have a homeless boyfriend.
I didn't wanna be a mooch anymore, okay? I felt like shit after I borrowed money from you, and I just wanna save up.
- I wanna be the guy you deserve, Bertie.
- The guy I deserve sleeps in his car? [SIGHS] Look There's another reason that I'm not staying at my apartment, okay? What is it? I'll tell you, but promise you won't laugh at me.
I promise you there is zero chance I'm gonna start laughing right now.
[SIGHS] My apartment's haunted.
Last time I was there, I walked in, and I saw this little ghost girl, and she was holding a fucking mirror.
Nope, no, no, no.
Guess what.
There aren't ghosts.
Ghosts aren't real.
Ghosts are real.
I saw them with my own eyes.
Forget about ghosts, okay? Even though they're real.
I love you, Bertie.
Look, I know I fucked up by not telling you I live in my car, but I love you.
You're the nicest, funniest, sweetest, kindest person I've ever met.
I know that I'm a mess.
I just need a chance to get my life together, okay? Just, please, give me a chance.
Let's talk about this later.
[SIGHS] Thank you, Bertie-bear.
[SIGHS] [INHALES] [SIGHS] Is it cool if I brush my teeth in your house? - Yep, great.
- Okay, cool.
Let me just get my toothbrush.
It's in here.
I got a bunch of toiletries.
Jesus Christ! It smells so bad! You think so? I must be used to it.
What are all those loose feathers? I left my window down one night.
It was roasting hot.
I woke up.
There was a pigeon on my chest, staring at me.
I didn't kill it or anything, but it was crazy getting it out of there.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING] Okay, good one today, guys.
We're bringing out the ratchet pull.
Anybody know what that is? Chris! Ratchet pull, you start with a simple harness-to-cable hookup, also known as a jerk vest.
Um, then from there, you just attach it to a high point, the cable, and then it's just all a math problem from there.
All right! I'mma walk each of you through a few fight moves before each pull.
[GRUNTING] [BOTH GRUNTING] [SCREAMING] [SCREAMS] [BOTH GRUNTING] - Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! - Yeah! Yeah! [TYPING] - Good morning.
- Yo.
I got you a latte.
Dude, thanks.
I'm not even gonna question this because it's my first day off cigarettes, and I would kill for stimulants.
So Are you kidding? Good for you.
You know, that is not easy.
- You can do this.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
- So, what's up? - What's up? What is up? Well, as you know, my situation around here has been less than ideal lately.
I hemorrhaged listeners when they cut my show an hour.
I think the fans are so broken up about it that they stopped listening altogether.
That's maybe it.
So, I was wondering if I could come on Stella's show.
[SIGHS] Uh We could do, like, a he said-she said kind of a thing.
People call in and we each give advice or whatever you want.
I have to mention the book, but I am game for anything.
Um It's an interesting idea.
Look, you know how hard it is for me to ask you for this.
All right, I will ask Stella.
- It's her show, but I will try.
- Thanks, Mick.
[SIGHS] - Hey, Chris.
- Hey, Patty.
- I'm loving what I'm seeing out of you.
- Oh, thanks.
That fight earlier? You made me believe.
You made me believe.
It felt like you were really trying to kill me.
- Yeah, I was.
- Ha! Yeah, I just really want to take this seriously.
Like, someday maybe I'll be the Daniel Day-Lewis of stuntmen.
[BOTH CHUCKLE] Not Daniel Day-Lewis' stuntman, but I mean, that'd be cool, too.
Right, right.
Hey, you know the WaterWorld stunt show at Universal? At Universal? Yeah.
That's probably the best live stunt show of all time.
Well, the director is actually a good friend of mine.
And no promises, but I think I can get you an audition.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
Oh, my God, that would be amazing.
- Great.
- [CHUCKLES] Oh, my God! - Thank you, Patty.
- No problem.
I actually watched that movie recently, it still holds up.
And Kevin Costner at the beginning of the first scene, drinking his own piss, which a lot of people got grossed out about.
But if you think about it, you can't drink saltwater.
- Right.
I actually haven't seen the movie.
- Oh, yeah.
- But I'll be in touch, all right? - Thanks, Patty.
I'm saying, why don't we give these two lines to Brooklyn? I mean, Brooklyn is a kind of a good actress.
She just, you know Can't say lines well.
- Hey.
- [CHUCKLES] Dude! - Jesus! - What? Hi.
Oh, sorry.
Do you guys know where Gus is? Are you a friend of Gus'? - Yeah, he's my best friend.
- Not surprising.
We don't know where Gus is, I'm sorry.
Um, what's your name? - Randy Monahan.
- Randy, Wyatt.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Don't worry about it.
We're talking about the script.
Gus might be over there or over there.
Walk around till you find him maybe.
- I'm not in the script.
- No, we know that.
- Hey, Randy, hi.
How's it going? - Gus.
This is my friend Randy.
It's his first day on set as an extra.
- We met.
- [GUS] He's really I've been sleeping in my Jeep, and my girlfriend's pretty pissed off, - so I'm trying to get some extra cash.
- Okay.
Let's wrap this conversation up.
You shouldn't really talk to these guys.
They're very important.
- Oh, cool.
Nice to meet you guys.
- Nice meeting you, too.
Randy, is it? - Yeah.
Hey, great show.
- Oh, thanks.
- Okay.
Come on.
- Bye.
Good to have you on board.
Hey, Randy, it's no big deal, but you probably just should talk to me.
Those guys are kinda grouchy-grumps.
- Okay.
Hey, how's the movie going? - Yeah, yeah.
It's good.
I mean, stressful.
Just sticking my chin out and making this thing.
Even if it comes out great and I put it online, I don't know if anybody's gonna watch it.
You should put someone famous in it.
Like Matt Damon or Blythe Danner.
- Blythe Danner.
- She's Gwyneth Paltrow's mom.
No, I know of her.
I just don't know Blythe Danner personally.
Well, how about Arya? You know her.
Yeah, you know what? Actually that Liberty Down movie is gonna come out.
She's gonna blow up from that.
But a lot of people would watch my short if Hey, Gus.
And your buddy.
We can hear you.
Could you guys just give us some room? - Just clear the stage.
- Oh! Yeah, we'll keep it down, sorry.
Don't keep it down.
Maybe instead of keeping it down, just go? - Go! - Oh, sorry.
Hey, that reminds me, as far as food stuff goes, I can take whatever I want? Anyway, I've had sex with 36 people.
Only three of them more than once.
Is that sad or awesome? I can't really tell.
You know you can talk to me about stuff other than sex, right? - I can? - Yeah.
No, no! You just quit! You are not supposed to be out here.
I'm not gonna smoke, relax.
I just miss the ritual.
I wanna be with you guys.
Why'd you quit in the first place? You would have already gotten cancer, right? I don't think that science checks out.
Can I sniff your hand? Weird.
Look at me, I'm your boss.
Let me smell your hand.
You might get a whiff of onion in there, too.
[SNIFFING] Oh, my God.
That smells so good.
All right, I'm good.
Now I don't need to smoke.
"Dad, I got a job! I talk about giving head all day, and my boss makes me let her smell my hand.
" Oh, you're just living the dream! [INHALES] All right.
Your boss has to ask a little favor of you.
Yeah, whatever you want.
We have to have Dr.
Greg on the show tomorrow.
Gross, no! Why? I know he's kind of a dick.
It's not my favorite idea.
"Kind of a dick"? He's a huge dick.
He treats me like I'm a total amateur.
Which I sort of am, but he acts like I'm not even a person.
When we first met, he asked who the president was when I was born and then when I said Clinton, he just laughed and walked away.
Look, I know that he's an asshole.
He is 100% an asshole, but he's going through a hard time, and this might help him.
- What do we have planned for tomorrow? - Nothing good.
You're just gonna call your mom and pretend to be pregnant again.
Yeah, I guess that might be getting kind of old.
- Please? - Fine.
If you really want to.
I guess it could be good.
- Yes.
- You guys are gonna be fine.
Do you even know what we're talking about? No, I tuned out.
[MAN ON TV] Just as other millions and quadrillions of atoms are the tiny building blocks which make up everything in the world.
Ships and - Hey, Gus? - [GUS] Uh-huh.
Just one sec.
It's 4:30.
I think we're done.
- Huh? - It's 4:30.
It is.
Okay, um, class dismissed.
I don't know what you're working on that's so important, but I'm trying to get into Brown over here.
Yeah, no.
I was just working on lesson plans for next week.
Really? 'Cause I can see the reflection in your glasses and it definitely looks like a screenplay.
You're vaping in class? Jesus Christ! Come on.
Sorry, class is over.
Thanks for not telling anyone.
[SIGHS] Hey.
How are you feeling? I'm just tired.
I just wanna sleep.
Well Hey, before you go, I just wanted to talk to you about something real quick.
Not a big deal.
Just wanted to ask you a little, teeny-tiny favor.
Oh, fucking fuck! Okay.
Well, you know I like to write, and I've been writing, and also been directing something that I wrote.
And it's really cool.
It's kind of a thriller.
Sort of like a dark, erotic thriller kinda thing, and I was thinkin' it'd be really fun and really cool if you had a part in it.
You want me to play a part in your erotic thriller? Well, it's not an "erotic" erotic thriller.
I mean, it's more just for adults.
Oh, so it's an adult film? No, it's a movie for adults that's just a regular movie that I've put a lot of time and energy and money into.
Basically, emptied out my bank account.
You're using your own money? Gus, that's so sad.
Well, yeah, I have to.
I don't have any funding or connections or whatever.
I mean, you and me, we're in the same boat.
We're two people who had to make our own luck, roll up our sleeves, work hard to get the things we want.
We're not like these guys who were born on third and thought they hit a triple.
I mean, you're a white guy who I think is straight.
You were at least born on second.
That's true.
That's a good point.
Um I guess I'm asking you 'cause you're really the only person who can help me out right now.
Stop, stop.
You're really making me feel uncomfortable.
I understand.
I will do this one thing for you.
This will be the one time that I do something for you.
Do you want this to be the one time that I do something for you? Your one favor.
There's a lot of other things I could do for you.
- In the world.
- Mm-hmm.
And you're choosing this.
Are you sure about that? - It's scary when you say - Yeah, I hope it's scary.
I hope you're very scared because there's a lot of other things I could do for you and this is what you're choosing.
I mean, I'm confident 'Cause, you know what? This is gonna be really cool.
I'm sure of it.
Is that sarcasm? No.
- Hello.
- Hi! Sorry, I hope this isn't weird, but can I please borrow some of your makeup? Why do you wanna borrow my makeup? You know, just to look a little bit nicer and just amp myself up.
Just something casual for daytime, no big deal.
Why, are you meeting a guy or something? - Oh, yes.
But I have a boyfriend, so - Oh Just friends meeting.
Lip gloss.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
- How old are you? - I'm 16.
You're cool.
I didn't get cool until way later.
So, good job.
Oh, yeah? [CHUCKLES] I gotta tell ya, I love the swag, by the way.
- Oh, yeah, thanks.
- Your own condoms.
I tried to get them to make Heart Work mugs for me, - but they said it wasn't in the budget.
- Oh.
Made one for myself, though.
Are we ready? Hey, guys! It's me, Stella.
And this week, we've got a special guest.
Greg Colter, who He hosts Heart Work at Gravity, and he also just wrote a new book.
Welcome, Greg.
Thank you, Stella.
Guess I'm here to represent the male perspective.
[CHUCKLES] Right, 'cause society needs more of that.
Well, I actually think it does.
I believe wholeheartedly that men and women are equal, but, lately, with the popularity of feminism, I do think that it has drowned out some prominent male voices, and that is a real shame.
Um, Dr.
Greg is not a comedian or performance artist.
He is a professional therapist who believes the words he's saying.
- [CHUCKLES] - Let's take some calls.
Hey, Sarah in Portland.
You're on with me and a man who believes men don't get heard enough, Dr.
Greg Colter.
- [LAUGHS] Hi.
- [SARAH] Hey, guys.
So, I recently discovered that I like being choked.
During sex, not, like, in general.
Is that bad? No.
I mean, as long as you're safe and with a partner that you trust, I think you should do what makes you feel good.
Don't be ashamed of who you are, you fucking freak.
GREG] Well, I totally disagree.
Maybe you should feel weird about it.
Because what is freaky is not always what is healthy.
Sometimes, self-harm is a cry for help.
Oh, hold on a second.
Life is hard.
I think you should get yourself a sweet orgasm any way you can.
Don't listen to Dr.
Greg Colter.
Actually, google Dr.
Greg Colter.
You can tell by his face he has boring sex.
Well, I've actually had many adventurous experiences.
I have experienced food play many, many times.
Uh I'm into feet.
I once orgasmed by giving cunnilingus.
Do we have another caller? Okay, so then, this guy, way far stage right, pulls up a fucking rocket launcher.
And he fires it.
[IMITATES EXPLOSION] It goes across the entire stadium, hits the Deacon and his entire body bursts into flames.
- Good Lord! - Yeah.
Still fighting the whole time.
[IMITATES BLOWS LANDING] And then, comes to the edge, he's, like, so high up, and all of a sudden Falls.
Like no big deal.
Thirty feet easily, lands in the pool, huge splash, and then Awesome.
Chris, I'm really proud of you.
I hope you get it.
It's so cool.
Oh, thanks.
Me, too.
What about you? What's up with you? - I've been going back to Bar Body a bit.
- Cool.
I went this morning, actually.
Did a whole class.
And I did not vomit afterwards.
Not puking, very cool.
[LAUGHS] Is your place far from here? I could really use the bathroom.
Oh, well, the public restroom is right around the corner over there.
But that one's gross.
Come here, I'll show you my place.
Yeah, so basically, think Mad Max, although instead of sand, water.
Ruby, Ruby, easy with the smoke, man.
It's to keep the tone of the film.
It looks grainy, like Yeah, but we talked about this.
This scene is lighter on smoke because Roman has clarity and the audience has clarity.
So the mise-en-scène has clarity.
Okay? - No, that's what I was telling Wade.
- It looks like the school's on fire.
- Okay.
- You'll see it in post.
[CHUCKLES] [WOMAN OVER PHONE] I've been seeing this guy.
He's successful and smart and really nice, but - But you don't wanna fuck him.
- I don't wanna fuck him.
Anyway, he's taking me out to meet Lana Del Rey.
He has a friend who's friends with her.
Can I go even though I'm not gonna date him or fuck him after? Dude, yes! Totally go! Your body, your choice.
His Lana connection, his choice.
GREG] What? Here's the advice, Amy.
Okay, you ready for it? Cancel the date, or if you go, have sex with him.
No, don't do that.
She just said she doesn't wanna have sex with him.
I mean Greg MD.
- Can I call you Greg MD? - No, you can't call me Greg MD! Are you saying every time a guy takes us out, we're obligated to fuck him? That's not what I'm saying.
Don't put words in my mouth here.
Let me break it down, this whole thing, what all of this is about.
- Please.
I was - Face the facts.
Face the facts.
- I'm ready.
Let's face them.
- Women use sex to manipulate men.
I use sex for sexual pleasure.
You've made that painfully obvious.
Of course, yeah, you love sex.
Get it, good.
But also, bullshit.
Sex got you famous.
This asshole Amy from Hollywood is using her sexuality to meet Lana Del Rey.
Even your amazing producer here, Mickey Dobbs, who's really been bringing in the thought-provoking calls here, used me for sex, right? - Admit it, Mickey, am I right? - Yeah.
Hi, this is Mickey.
Okay, I'm not ashamed to admit it.
We had sex.
And it was gross.
And I wasn't manipulating you.
Give me a break! You led me on! You fucked me so that I wouldn't fire you.
You probably slipped me Viagra during lunch because I remember getting harder than usual.
Greg, moving on Men are not necessarily the problem, okay, Miss Feminist? Women are the fucking problem, too, because you fuck us and you fuck with us! - Here! You wanna fuck? - [GASPS] There you go.
Fuck your life away! Fuck this! Dr.
Greg just threw condoms at my head, guys.
This is real.
He threw the chair down.
He's leaving.
And, action! Haley, I know you're scared.
We all are.
But you have to tell me what you saw before someone else gets killed.
They threatened my family! And what if I'm next? Haley, it's always better to tell the truth.
And what if the truth's not so simple? Well, I have time.
I'll listen.
I'll protect you.
Yeah! Cut! All right! Okay.
Yes, yes, yes.
All right.
Up top.
Down low.
[CHUCKLES] Too slow.
Great job, guys.
Gus, I have a fuck up.
The card is full.
Oh, the card is full? [LAUGHING] Okay, Mr.
I didn't know we had a Mr.
Clooney on set.
No, it's just, my card The card is full.
And so, we did not get the Did you get any of the take? No.
I got the first three seconds and then [CLICKS TONGUE] [GUS] Okay, get a new card.
I don't care.
Let's do it again.
We got five minutes.
We'll do it again.
I'll go out to my car.
It's in my car.
You don't have the card here? - No.
- It's in your car? Then just wipe the card.
Just wipe it clean, we'll start from the beginning.
We'll start from the [INHALES DEEPLY] top.
The first five takes were shit anyway.
I'm sorry, but they were.
So now we're in a groove, so we'll just wipe the card.
- We're gonna lose all those takes? - One request.
Can people care about this as much as I fucking care? Wow, cool vibe on set, Michael Bay.
Let's roll.
Let's just roll.
Yeah, and then they replaced two of the treadmills with ellipticals.
- Oh, that's crazy.
- [CHUCKLES] It's just like Gus' place.
Same weird art on the walls and everything.
Well, actually, there's a couple small differences Uh, my microwave broke.
So, they came and replaced it, and this one is top of the line.
That's cool.
So if you ever need to microwave anything, don't go to Gus'.
[CHUCKLES] I won't.
Oh, check this out.
I wanted to know what the meaning of this painting was, so I found the artist on Facebook and reached out.
He got back to me in two seconds.
What was the meaning? Um No meaning.
Just that, it was just dots.
Yeah, he, um, likes dots.
Do you need to use the bathroom? No.
- You're very physically capable.
- I'm a stuntman.
That's so fucking hot.
Excuse me.
We had a lunch break on set, all these buildings look alike, but Witchita is that way, right? The Witchita set is that way, right? I'm supposed to be there now, so Witchita set.
Is that the zombie cart? Hey! Hey, excuse me.
Zombie cart, hold on.
I'm supposed to be on the cart.
We are living in a very sensitive time, and we need to be mindful of hateful, sexist rhetoric.
The whole point was to have a very frank discussion about gender and sexuality.
- You cannot throw condoms at a co-worker.
- I was building to that.
You cannot call out a co-worker's sexual history on live radio.
Also true.
And you cannot verbally abuse our subscribers.
So, what happens now? - You're suspended until further notice.
- [DR.
GREG] Wow.
I have devoted 15 years of my life to helping people.
I've been at Gravity since the beginning.
How am I supposed to pay my mortgage? - You rent.
You don't have a mortgage.
- It's a figure of speech.
Hey, just keep a cool head here.
I'll call you as soon as I know what we're gonna do, all right? Rick is gonna escort you out.
Bet you couldn't be happier about this, huh? - Me? - Yeah.
I tried to fucking help you.
- [DR.
GREG] Oh, my fucking God.
- It's not my fault he fucked himself.
We have no choice.
I'm sorry, Greg.
It's "Dr.
" Let's go, Rick.
Hey, hey, hey.
I got it, buddy.
Thanks, man.
- Good day today, huh? - Yeah, great day.
It was a great day.
- Oh, I got it.
I got it.
- You sure? Yeah, it's cool.
- Sure you don't want any help? - Yep.
And, hey, Ruby, you know, as far as that card stuff goes, like, shit happens.
I guess so.
All right.
Got that scene though, huh? Yeah, rock on.
[GUS] Stay cool.
Stay cool.
Stay cool.
We fell asleep.
Okay, I'm just gonna go.
You're very good at sex.
What was his face like? Uh Sad? [STELLA] Who got to be there? You, Erika Yeah, me and Erika.
I hate his Andre Agassi haircut.
It's, like, weak genes or something.
[LAUGHS] I just want more specifics.
It's not fair that I didn't get to watch him leave.
Yes, tell us more.
I don't know, he just seemed broken.
People should throw more tantrums at work.
I would show up more often.
This is the best day of my professional career.
I've only been in the workforce for, like, two months, but still.
- I'm gonna smoke.
- Can I have one, please? Oh, my God, Truman.
Hey, will you watch for roofies? - Yes.
- [TRUMAN] Sorry, Mickey.
No, it's cool.
I'm with you guys in spirit.
Hey, could I get a vodka tonic? Yeah, sure thing.
Never mind.
I'm good.
- Chris, right? - Yeah, hey! The park doesn't open for 20 minutes so I can run you through a couple moves.
Yeah, man.
I'm all yours.
[CHUCKLES] If you build me up to break me down If you're looking for things That you never found Got to give it to get it Got to live it, less you regret it How could everything be wrong When there's so many things going on? Life's a bell that must be rung [EXHALES] If we live tonight Like it's our last chance Oh, they're playing our song We better dance Got to give it to get it Got to live it, unless we'll regret it How could everything be wrong When there's so many things going on Life's a bell that must be rung Life's a song that must be sung Hey! Life's a bell that must be rung Life's a song that must be sung Come on! Life's a song that must be sung [VOCALIZING]