Love, Lies & Records (2017) s01e05 Episode Script

Episode 5

1 She tricked me! Told me she was pregnant and all the time she was just pretending! Police! Don't move! You can't just opt out of performing same-sex marriage! She won't let me see the boys unless I dress as a man.
If I get to see my boys, then I don't really care any more.
It would make me very happy if you'd do me the honour of becoming my wife.
It's five past eight.
God! Shit! Who turned the alarm off? - We didn't set it.
- I haven't got a phone! If Lucy isn't allowed to use her phone any more, why can't I have it? For God's sake! Have you thought about knocking before you come barging into someone's room? It's my phone, it belongs to me.
Tell him! That is enough! - Tell him what? - I haven't got a phone.
Cos you didn't look after it! You dropped it down the toilet! You've got one that you're not allowed to use, and my contract's up next month! I don't want your contract! I've got my own! Neither of you are having the phone.
It is in my drawer, and that is where it is staying.
So there! Until Lucy can be trusted to have it back.
And that's the end of it.
Right I'll just get another one with the money Nanna gave me for my Paris trip.
And, by the way, Jamie didn't come home last night, so Liam and Bethany have slept in the living room.
I can't wait to be old enough so I can leave home.
It's like living in a doss house! Any time you like, sweetheart! Any time you like! Oh, God, give me strength! Thank you for your support! You were doing great on your own.
No message from Jamie.
I wonder if he's all right.
So, I've got two weeks' holiday to take before the end of the month or I lose it.
What has that got to do with anything? I was thinking honeymoon.
I'll get my mum to look after the kids.
We haven't even registered our notice of marriage yet.
How long does that take? 28 clear days before the date set for the wedding.
That's bloody crazy! Well, we could see if we can try and get it reduced.
Hi, Jamie, it's it's Kate.
Listen, you didn't come back to ours last night.
I'm just checking to see if everything is all right.
Can you ring me as soon as you get this message? All right, bye.
Can't you swing it, this notice thing? I mean, you are the super.
There must be some perks to the job.
Me being super means that I have to do things right.
Let's just see how quickly I can get us an appointment, OK? Maybe Anna or Your mate Rick? Yeah, or Jamie, whoever's free.
Might even be able to do something today.
I'd better go and see if I can get these kids sorted, see what the hell is going on down there.
For God's sake! Shit! Shit! Shit! I bloody knew it! Have a look at that.
Oh, my God! That's my DI chances right down the swanny.
You know what? Next time you want advice on immigration, sort it out yourself.
I just asked for Anne-Marie's number, that's all.
- You didn't have to get involved! - You asked me to! You've got a bloody short memory! Right, can I suggest the pair of you get a bath or a shower after we've all left? Put them sleeping bags over the washing line to air.
Yeah, cos you both stink.
That's because there's never any hot water left after you lot have finished.
- You should have said something.
- Can you put the hot water on? Why can't he do it? - Cos I don't pay the gas bill.
- And, while we're talking about bills, what's happening with your university fees? - Are you going back or? - No, I'm not.
- Well, that's 9K down the grate! - I've got a job.
I told you - washing cars is not a job.
Are you planning on doing that for the rest of your life? No.
Me and Beth are going to set up a dog-walking company.
Oh, great! Even better - picking up dog shit for a living.
I'll work for you.
I'd love to pick up dog poo.
You just finish your breakfast.
We're leaving in two minutes.
You're going to have to drop me off at work and the kids off at school.
I've left my car at the office.
Right, well, get a move on.
Right, I'm going now.
- If you want a lift, get in the car.
- I've put the hot water on again.
There's shampoo, conditioner and body wash in the bathroom cabinet.
What's happening about the dog? I told him we'd be around to pick it up tonight.
Are you going to ring me if you get a slot to do the notice? Yes.
I'll see what we've got on today.
Smile, Rob.
It's not the end of the world.
God knows what's going to greet me when I get into work! So, me and your dad have decided to get married now that he's officially divorced.
Can I be a bridesmaid? Well, we're not really planning a big wedding.
Emily was her mum's bridesmaid when she got married.
I want a long dress to the floor, a tiara and a fur cape.
Well, we'll see.
No tears for us No tears for us Think love and wear a smile Our dreams have magic because We'll always stay in love this way Our day will come.
Er, Kate! Hey, I left you a message.
What are you wearing? Um, I tried to call you back, but it went straight to voicemail.
Have you seen the news? Yeah, I've seen it.
He's not best pleased.
I'm not surprised.
I bet the shit was flying in your house.
No change there, then.
Where were you last night? I .
I was worried.
Well, I went home.
I decided Sarah was right.
I was being selfish.
I should just wait for them to grow up and leave and Ewan is 11.
I know, but I can't stand being apart from them .
and, if she moves down south, I'll never see them.
Well, that was just emotional blackmail to try and get you to It doesn't matter what it was.
She could do it.
And she's got the money to do it now that her mother's died.
And I want to be with my family.
It means more to me than living as a woman.
You told me you WERE a woman, so does that mean that you're denying who you are? Please, Kate, don't make this even more difficult for me than it already is.
I have been going round in circles.
I've thought about it till my brain hurts, and there's no other way.
Well, if it's what you've decided.
It is.
I'm sorry if I've let you down.
You've not let ME down! Oh, come here.
Oh! I just want you to be happy, that's all.
I will be.
Well, my other news, besides Rob being plastered all over the internet, is that he proposed last night.
No way! So he hasn't seen the footage of you and Rick? Well, obviously not.
So what did you say? I said yes.
Congratulations are in order, then? Yeah, I think so.
You think so? What's that supposed to mean? I think I'm pleased.
You told me you wanted him to propose properly, and now he has.
Yeah, cos he has to take some holiday or he loses it, and he wants to roll it into being our honeymoon.
Right, so he wants to get married fast? Yeah, before the end of the month.
God, that's fantastic! I'm not being funny but, if you get anyone else to marry you, I'll never speak to you again.
And I mean it.
I was thinking of asking Judy.
What? It's a joke! As if! I'm going to have to do our notice sometime today.
Yeah, not a problem.
Olivia! Er, this is a surprise.
I bet it is.
I thought you'd come swanning in with Rick on your arm.
Where is he? I don't know.
Um, do you want to come through to my office Not really, no.
I think it would be best if I don't care what you think.
Cos, clearly, you don't care what I think, or you wouldn't have had sex with my partner.
I'll go get the Brotherton Suite ready for the .
Somerville and Patel wedding.
Talia, um, come and help? But I have to finish this report.
You can do that later.
Now, please! If you just let me explain.
I'm all ears.
It was just It was a one-off.
It was really stupid.
It was at Christmas, and Let me guess - he was playing Santa Claus and you were his little helper? It was just a shag! And it meant nothing.
So you go round shagging men, and it doesn't mean anything? Great! No, no, I don't! It was totally irresponsible of me and, as feeble as this is going to sound I was drunk.
And is that what you told Rob - that you were drunk and it didn't mean anything? Rob doesn't know.
You mean that whoever sent me that footage hasn't bothered sending it to your husband? He's not my husband and, yes, she did try to send it to him, but I managed to stop him seeing it.
Well, I think he has a right to know.
And I am going to make it my business to tell him.
And you'll just break up a relationship? And there are children involved.
Well, aren't you the lucky ones? It meant nothing! It was .
it was just sex.
You're not the only one he's been messing about with.
Well, I don't believe that for a single second.
It's true.
I've had him followed.
But he's not that kind of man.
Well, that's what I thought until I saw the photos and watched the footage.
I thought I knew him, but he has made a complete and utter fool of me.
You sent the photographs? Morning.
Oh, Anna, could you give us a couple of minutes, please? Yeah, sure.
I'll go open up.
He's been going out and coming back stinking of perfume and, when I ask him where he's been, he lies.
And I can always tell when he's lying cos his eye twitches.
And the worst thing about it is she's half his age.
Look at it! That's not a lover.
That's his daughter.
His daughter? No.
No, that's not what I meant.
She came in to register the death of her father, and And what? I think you should speak to Rick about this, but I want you to believe me when I tell you that he is not seeing her like that.
Why did you say daughter? It's not my place.
It's up to Rick to tell you.
So we meet again.
I wish I had never come forward to you and told you about my friend now.
I'm sorry to hear that, but we couldn't let you fly off home to Slovenia when we're in the middle of investigating how Eva died.
It is obvious how she died, they killed her.
Who's they? I do not know their name, but they live in a big house on Kingsbury Road.
And have you been there? Once, yes.
Who took you? Dominica, the interpreter.
And why did she take you there? You told us she was sorting out a visa problem with your passport - that was a lie, wasn't it? There was nothing wrong with your passport, was there? Why did you tell us there was? Because I thought you would take my passport away from me.
Why would you think that? Because they did - but I managed to get it back.
I told them immigration was asking to see it.
Did they want you to meet a man? Someone they wanted you to marry so that he could get a visa to stay here? Yes.
Yes, that was the idea.
And I went along with it, because I knew if I didn't they would come after me, like they came after Eva.
Did she tell you it was them? No, she did not need to, I knew.
So it was Ramin? Eva never said that name.
Well, he's the man that lives at the house, with his wife Marcia.
Have you heard of her before? Yes.
Eva told me that Marcia wanted her to marry an old man from Pakistan, and that she had to live with him in the same house for three months.
And post pictures on social media.
She said she would rather die.
Why didn't you tell me this before? Because you never asked.
You asked me if I knew that she was married before, and all I knew was she didn't want to marry the Pakistani.
That's why she left 17 Copperfield Road and came to live with me.
But they found her.
And then they had this .
big argument in the kitchen - I knew it was just a matter of time.
And they knew that she was walking home along the canal from her cleaning job.
So you think this Marcia and Dominica killed her? No, not Dominica.
She is just the fixer.
She arranges the marriages, but she does what she is told.
She's frightened of them too.
So this other woman, Marcia, is the person that's behind all of these girls coming over here.
She runs the whole racket.
And she gets rid of anybody causing trouble.
And now that I have told you, she will get rid of me too.
She won't have the chance.
Cos we're going to arrest her and bring her in for questioning right now.
Then you will let her go, because she is a very clever woman.
And then .
then I will disappear.
No, we won't let that happen.
I-I-I've been ringing you Olivia was waiting for me when I got here, and I'm so sorry but I accidentally told her about your daughter.
She thought you were having an affair and I just, I tried to explain, I mean You know that she knows about us, and that she's seen the footage.
She confronted me in the lobby of the Hadfield.
It wasn't nice.
And then I tried to warn you that she was on the rampage, only to find Rob down on one knee.
That's great timing, innit? So did you say yes? It doesn't matter what I said, cos if he finds out about us, then it's all going to be over, isn't it? He still doesn't know? It doesn't seem like it.
What did you say, when he proposed? I think that you should go and find Olivia.
I'm not going anywhere - what did you say to him? I think you should phone her at least.
I'm not phoning her, what's the point? It's over between us.
I don't want to be with her anyway.
Maybe all this happened for a reason.
Maybe I've been looking for you.
We've got a bride with cold feet and we're running out of time.
Er I'm coming.
- Are you going on yer hols? - Yeah.
Yeah, summat like that.
Ring Olivia.
I'm sorry.
Did I interrupt something? No, it's all right.
Couldn't really handle it anyway God, why is life so complicated? I hope you don't mind me saying, but I think he's in love with you.
He has no idea what love is.
There again, I'm not sure I do either.
So, has he left Olivia Is the bridegroom all right? Yeah James is keeping him talking.
But the guests are getting a bit anxious Sorry for speaking out of turn.
No, it's, it's my fault.
I shouldn't have mixed my personal and professional life.
You have every right to know what's going on.
The truth is, things are a bit of a mess.
We both have feelings for one another, but we both have .
partners and families that we care for and don't want to hurt.
I understand that, but .
in't it better to be honest in the long run? I don't know, Anna, I really don't know.
Keep smiling.
Shouldn't be too long now, I'm just going to talk to her.
- They're from the next wedding.
- Oh, right.
Bit of a jam, have we? So, what's the bride's name? Hannah.
Bridegroom's Jeffery.
They were fine at their notice, I did it and there were no problems, it was straightforward.
Calm down It'll be all right.
She's having second thoughts.
I'm sorry! No.
don't be! Don't worry, happens all the time.
Really? Yeah.
You're not the first and you .
certainly won't be the last, I can vouch for that.
I just feel so stupid.
Right Here's the thing, it's very simple really, we can go in there right now and explain that you don't want to go through with the wedding.
Her mother will be very upset.
She's gone to a great deal of trouble and no expense has been spared.
People have travelled from India and I'm sorry, but we're talking about a life commitment here, money and travel don't really come into the equation.
Do you love Jeffrey? Yeah, I think so I was so sure before.
I mean, everything was just so lovely and romantic.
But then the closer we got to today, the more I started to worry.
And we've been so tetchy with each other lately.
Weddings are very stressful.
I often say that if you can get through the wedding you'll manage married life all right.
But the thing I keep worrying about the most is, how do I know if he's the right one for me? Can you imagine living your life with anyone else? Not really.
But then maybe I haven't met the person I'm supposed to be with yet.
- Oh, for heaven's sake! - No, it's a good point At the end of the day getting married is a leap of faith.
She's been going out with him for seven years, they've lived together for the past three years.
None of that really matters.
You can live with someone for 15 years and still not know if he's the right person for you.
None of us have a crystal ball, we have no idea if we're going to be happy, if he's the right one, the one you're supposed to be with, your soul mate.
So, Hannah, you tell me if you want me to go in there and cancel the wedding, because I will.
It's all right.
I feel much better now.
I'm going to marry him.
I just need to fix my face first.
Well, don't take all day, he's already waited 25 minutes.
Good decision, Hannah.
MUSIC: Canon in D Major by Pachelbel So, ladies and gentlemen, and anyone who hasn't quite decided yet .
my name is James McKenzie, and I'll be the registrar officiating on behalf of Yorkshire County Council today.
So can I please confirm that you are Hannah Rose Patel? Yes.
And you are Jeffrey Andrew Somerville? Yes, that's right.
So we're all gathered here today, in this place which has been sanctioned according to law for the celebration of marriage, to witness the marriage of Hannah Patel and Jeffrey Somerville.
Before you are joined in matrimony, I have to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make.
Marriage is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life to the exclusion of all others.
I don't understand why you didn't check the register before you let them leave.
It wasn't Judy's fault, she wasn't there.
What do you mean, she wasn't there? It was your first wedding, you needed to be supervised.
We were juggling a few things, we had a suspected sham marriage, and I felt as though I should be there You didn't show up at Amir and Kristina's wedding, Judy.
No - that's because I heard the bridegroom had given back word.
And how did you hear that, when you were in the middle of Thea and Joanne's wedding? Well - whatever your reason, it's going to cost us a fortune to fly the couple back from New York or .
Barbados or wherever the bloody hell they are.
It's a bloody catastrophe! Kate, I want to see you in your office right away.
Of course.
Maybe you didn't need to hear that the wedding was off, because YOU were the one that informed Amir and his cousin that we were onto them.
That is slander, my dear.
And refusing to marry a same-sex couple is against the law - "my dear".
I didn't refuse - I conducted the ceremony but then had to slip off before the end as I had things to attend to.
This isn't going to go away, Judy - I want to know how you knew that the sham wedding wasn't going to happen.
Or I'm going to tell the PO that you've got problem with same-sex marriage - and that will be the end of your career.
Have you ever considered that you and your husband might be racist? - I'm sorry?! - It's nothing short of persecution what you've done to that poor young Iranian boy, what you've put him through.
What the hell are you talking about? Was it you that went to the press? As it happens it wasn't me, but I'm glad someone did.
You cow! That "poor Iranian boy" is exploiting our system and using that "poor young Slovenian girl" to get himself a visa! And have you ever for a single second asked yourself why? I'll tell you why, because if he's sent back to his country he will be persecuted for being a Christian.
Oh, a Christian? Yes.
He'll probably be tortured to death, how does that make you feel? Amir is not a Christian! Yes, he is.
He's a member of my church.
Since when? Since I invited him.
He's joined the choir, and Er, Talia Could you, er, check on Amir's cousin Ramin Rajavi, he got his citizenship about a month ago, and just see what religion he put down on his form? I don't need to.
Amir is a Muslim.
No, he's not.
He can't be.
He wears a silver ring with a symbol of Islam on his little finger.
My brother wears the same ring.
But that's impossible, he's .
he's a practising Christian that's why he had to leave his country.
He also told immigration that he had to leave Iran because he was being persecuted for being gay.
Well, that's absolutely not true.
You're probably right.
But he applied for asylum five years ago, but was refused due to lack of evidence.
I can show you the paperwork if you like.
I'm sorry, but I don't know what the problem is.
I've introduced friends of mine to men who I thought they'd like - what's wrong with that? What's wrong with wanting to make my friends happy? Ramin teases me sometimes, he calls me "the matchmaker".
And have you ever received money from these men you've introduced to your friends? No, of course not, I don't do it for money.
I have a full-time job.
I'm an anaesthetist, I get paid well for what I do.
Yes, we contacted St Hilda's.
They told us you were a health care assistant.
I'm training to be an anaesthetist.
We'll check that out.
And you live at 21 Kingsbury Road? Yes, that's correct.
We bought the house three years ago just before we got married.
And your husband, Ramin Rajavi, lives there too? Yeah, of course.
We're extremely happy, we're planning a family.
That's a very expensive house to buy on a health care assistant's wage.
What is it your husband does? He has a restaurant.
It's more of a cafe, really, isn't it? A small takeaway cafe.
- Sorry, but I don't know what any of this has got to do with - You own another house, on Copperfield Road, number 17.
Yeah, that's right.
Ramin bought the house when he came over here, but I don't like the area very much so we rent the house out.
Actually according to Land Registry, the house is registered in your name Yes, but Ramin paid for the house.
It's an investment.
So who do you rent it to? Various people, I don't have much to do with it.
But you knew Kristina Kovac lived there.
Yes, because she's marrying Amir, Ramin's cousin, and the house was empty.
So it made sense that they lived there.
And Eva Kowalski lived there? Did she? I have no idea.
I don't know who she is.
Let me remind you.
She looks familiar.
Perhaps you might recognise her like this.
That's horrible.
Poor girl, who did that to her? That's what we're trying to find out.
Did you try and introduce HER to any men you thought might make a "good match"? No, I told you I don't know her.
Even though she lived in a house you owned? My husband deals with the house and the tenants.
I don't know all the people that have lived there.
Are you insinuating that I have something to do with this poor woman's death? Do you know Lara Resnik? Yes, I know Lara.
Did you ever try and introduce her to any men you thought might make a good match? Oh, for heaven's sake! Did she say that I had? Just answer the question.
No, I certainly haven't.
I'm sorry, but I don't like the tone of these questions, I think I'd either like to leave now or ring my lawyer.
What the hell is going on? Every two minutes there's something kicking off.
And now your partner is plastered all over the internet, manhandling a young Iranian lad in the Priestly Room.
I know, I know, I'm I'm so sorry.
And why was Talia left to do the signing of the register? Oh, I'm not sure - but that should never have happened and I am trying to get to the bottom of it.
I hope to God I haven't made a mistake, Kate.
You haven't, Matthew.
I'm the right person for the job, trust me.
Well, I'm trying to.
But everywhere I turn, there's problems.
And the erm other thing? You and buggerlugs, has that blown over now? I'm not sure.
We're still waiting on a date for the disciplinary.
You're not going to get a date, because I er thought about it and I didn't want to cause you any more problems at home.
Are things there any better? Yeah, er I think so.
We've decided to get married.
Well! That's, that's great news.
Especially for a superintendent registrar - I have to say I was surprised when you said you weren't already married.
Well, we'd always meant to, but we just never got round to it.
Well, it shows that you believe in what we're doing, in the sanctity of marriage, et cetera.
In fact, we're going to try and do our notice today.
Good - listen, if it's Judy that's causing all the problems Oh, I think I can handle it.
I could always suggest early retirement.
No, I wouldn't want that.
I'd feel like I'd failed.
I've been half an hour now looking through these pre-'80s cards.
Some of them, they're not even in the right order.
What are you doing? We're busy out there.
Some bloke rocked up at Elle's father's funeral, saying he was her uncle and he's entitled to half the house.
I'm going to take her to Citizens Advice Bureau - when I get a break.
- Should be straightforward.
Yeah, you'd think so.
Oh, Talia Do we have any slots free for this afternoon? - Erm, how long do you need? - Er just about half an hour, I'm going to need another registrar though, preferably Jamie, er - .
- Is it an RGL? No, it's, it's just a notice.
So why can't you do it? WHISPERS: Because it's MY notice to be married.
Oh, I see right, that's exciting.
WHISPERS: Why are we whispering? Because I don't want everyone to know.
I'll have to look again later.
- Have you rung Olivia? - No.
And I'm not going to.
She was upset, I think you should ring her - and at least explain about Elle.
- What is there to explain? She was the result of a sperm donation I did when I was a student.
End of.
James is free.
Once he's finished his marriage vows renewal.
Great, er, could you, could you book that out for me and James then? What are you and James doing? Nothing I almost forgot, er, Matthew told me there isn't going to be a disciplinary, so we're off the hook.
Can I just say we're really struggling out there? Yeah, I know.
You too.
Judy, could you hang on a minute? And, Talia, would you be able to print out a couple of baby naming speeches for me and stick them in the file for this afternoon? Thank you.
Er, there's an old saying - keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer.
I don't think of myself as either a friend OR an enemy, I'm simply a work colleague.
That's right.
And I would like that to continue.
But that's up to you.
I don't know what you're trying to say.
You brought Amir and Kristina's second notice forward by three days.
A sackable offence.
You tipped them off that immigration were going to be at the wedding, another sackable offence.
And you've tried to blackmail me and Rick, yet another sackable offence.
I didn't Oh, Judy, please! Don't insult my intelligence by trying to deny it.
I still have the text.
And the video clip you sent me on my phone.
I'll hand in my resignation.
Or you can cooperate.
I know that they lied to you to try and get you on their side.
I believed him.
He joined my church, he seemed like such a lovely young man.
The truth is they're not really interested in Amir, they've got bigger fish to fry.
A young Slovenian girl has been murdered.
Accusations have been made against Ramin's wife, and the police are following her now.
She's been accused of murder? She's the one that asked me if the notice could be brought forward.
Really? And did she offer you money? Oh, good heavens, no, I would've reported it immediately if she did.
She said Amir and Kristina wanted to be married before the baby was born - well, I didn't know at this point the baby wasn't real - and time was running out for Amir, he only had a couple of weeks left on his student visa.
We could have used that to our advantage.
The fact that they KNOW you and, and trust you - this could help us catch the person who's at the root of all this.
Where's this bloody lawyer, then? I've got things to do.
There's still no sign.
Yeah? Can you get here this afternoon? - I've got a couple of hours.
- Yeah, that's perfect, but don't be any later because we've only got a small window.
And bring your passport and a utility bill.
James is going to do it.
And I know that you said you didn't want to get involved this morning, but I think you might like to know it was Judy that tipped off Amir and his cousin.
She more or less confessed it.
- Right.
I'm going to do her for perverting the cause of justice.
- And what good's that going to do? She's pissed off that they lied to her, and now she's willing to cooperate with us.
She told me it was Marcia who asked if the notice could be brought forward.
Well, we're just waiting on her lawyer arriving now.
Seems like she's got an answer for everything.
Shit Husband's here.
- Where is she? Where's Marcia? - I've gotta go.
What time are we picking up the dog? Rob HE HANGS UP Rob! I'm going to need a couple of hours to do a proper search.
Maybe you can't find this birth certificate cos he's making it up, and he's not my uncle.
I wish it was as simple as that.
I'll get it sorted, Elle, I promise.
Don't worry.
But what if I have to leave the house? Where will I live? Nobody is going to throw you out on the street.
Hi! Hiya.
Er, she's just going, we're going to meet up later.
I'll see you at the side of the market in 15 minutes.
All right.
Are you sure all this is legit? What do you mean? I dunno You were at to her father's funeral, did you see this guy? No, but she wouldn't make it up, she's not like that.
That poor kid's worried half to death.
Well, it's just a thought.
What's she doing here? Dunno.
I've got a couple who want to book in for the next citizenship ceremony, and then I'm going to go.
Mr and Mrs Lym? Let's get started.
Knock, knock Come in.
Everything all right? Fine, I just wanted to introduce myself to you - I'm Kate Dickenson, superintendent registrar.
Very pleased to meet you.
I'm Neil Stanley, and this is my fiancee Nika.
And her parents, Polina and Vlad Federov.
BOTH: Hello.
And this is Dominica, who's helping to interpret.
We've met before.
If you don't mind me asking, where did you two meet? In Russia.
I'm a travel consultant, I went over there last year to check out a couple of new tours, and Nika was our tour guide.
And after four days, we fell in love.
My parents are here for a holiday, and to meet Neil's parents.
Unfortunately they don't speak much English, so we thought we'd hire an interpreter so Nika and I could concentrate on the questions.
Are you planning on getting married here, or I hope so.
This is a very beautiful building.
Oh, we have some spectacular rooms, I'll get someone to give you a tour before you go.
Let's get you signed in The "precious boy" and "much wanted baby" speeches.
You've used them both before.
It's in the Priestly Room, but the mother wants to meet you in the anteroom first if that's all right.
Yeah, fine.
Er, am I OK for time? I've got my notice in half an hour.
Yeah, she is a bit early.
I've allowed half an hour for the ceremony, - but it shouldn't take that long.
- All right.
Carla? Hi.
Is everything all right? Yeah, everything's fine.
Really good, it's just, erm I wasn't sure what you were going to say during the naming ceremony, and I thought if we could have a quick chat beforehand I wouldn't be so nervous.
Yeah, no problem.
Tell me what's worrying you.
Well, it's just, erm Alfie's, not Dave's.
That's all.
I mean - he knows he isn't .
but it's still very sensitive and he sometimes gets upset.
I was really stupid.
It was my friend's hen night, and I had a bit too much to drink and I ended up with some bloke I hardly even knew.
I mean I'm not like that.
I don't know what got into me Well, I do.
I thought about having an abortion, but .
I'm 38, and this might be my last chance.
OK, well, I'll tweak what I was going to say a little bit.
Did you ever think about not telling your husband? Not really.
I don't think I could've lived with myself if I hadn't told him.
I felt like I owed him the truth.
Even though it nearly killed him, and it broke us up for a bit.
That's why he's not on Alfie's birth certificate, and why we wanted to have a proper naming ceremony now.
You can't live a lie, though, can you? It wouldn't have been fair on either of us.
So .
Alfie David Jameson.
what a strong and wonderful name that is.
A name that'll serve him well through his whole life.
He's a blank canvas, he's a clean slate .
and we all get to watch what he paints on that canvas .
writes on the slate.
We wish him all the happiness in the world.
And with Carla and Dave as his parents, we know that he is going to be cherished and loved.
So I'd like you all to raise your glasses and wish Alfie a happy, healthy BELL RINGS Oh, shit! What is it? Come on.
It's the fire alarm - if you could all just please leave the building and go and stand in the, in the, er, square outside Thank you.
No need to run, it's, er .
probably just the smoke alarm that's been triggered accidentally.
Thank you That's it, no need to panic.
BABY CRIES Just this way.
Hopefully won't be long.
It's a fire alarm.
Fire alarm.
Yeah, I thought you and the boys could meet me and we could go for a pizza or a Yeah, well, we could, we could go to the pictures Well, I'll I'll call you when I'm close too finishing, then.
- All right, see you la Bye, Sa - Have you got a minute? - Oh, she's gone - You do British Sign don't you? Yes.
I'm really struggling here.
Can you explain to my clients it's a fire alarm, we should be back inside in a minute, because I don't think - they know what's going on.
- Thank you.
Do we know what triggered it? No, I was just warming up my vegetable and feta pasty.
We're going to get off because we've got a restaurant booked.
Are you sure, because we'll be able to get back in when the alarms stops? No, it's all right, we'd just about finished anyway.
Erm, what do we do about the certificate? Oh, we'll post it out to you.
Will you make sure Dave's name's on it? Of course.
Thanks for everything.
No problem.
SHE SIGHS Everything OK? Mr and Mrs Derbyshire are hearing impaired.
They've come to register the death of Mr Derbyshire's father.
But, er, it's obviously a slow process, so I've asked James to come and help out.
Great Rob is going to be here any minute.
What can we do? It's like it's not meant to be.
Don't be daft, Kate.
I'm so sorry about this.
No problem, better to be safe than sorry.
How long do you think you're going to need? SIREN WAILS We're about halfway through.
It's taking longer cos her parents keep asking the interpreter to tell them what I'm saying.
Who's in charge here? I'm the superintendent registrar.
How can I help? Has everyone vacated the building? As far as I know, but I would check with security.
- Do we know what triggered the alarm? - I have no idea, I'm sorry.
OK, fellas Great timing.
You said not to be late.
Well, I don't think we're going to be able to do this notice, what with this bloody fire alarm going off and it looks like James is going to be tied up I thought you said we had to do it today Oh, but we don't need to be married to go on holiday, do we? Are you backing out now? No, it just feels like everything's conspiring against us.
I had James lined up to do it, but now he's going to help some clients.
Anna's busy and I don't want Judy to do it, obviously.
And there isn't anyone else ALARM STOPS SHE SIGHS Thank God.
What's she doing here? Er she's interpreting for a Russian notice.
So what is going on with Marcia? We've had to let her go.
It was Lara's word against hers.
She said she was with her sister on the night Eva was killed and the sister has said the same, so it's stalemate.
Right You know Judy has decided to help us.
It's got nothing to do with me.
Actually it does, Rob, because she has got information about the woman that you're investigating for the murder of Eva Kowalski.
Ramin and Marcia think they have Judy in their pocket Is she being paid? No, she thought he was a persecuted Christian, that was why she did it.
Anyway, she's told them that she's going to suggest a church wedding and she's told them that she's going to sign the registration form.
You're out off your depth, talk to Immigration.
Rob, we don't know where this is going to lead.
Oh, forget it.
Erm, we've checked every room and it was the smoke alarm in the back admin office that was triggered.
There was some incinerated pastry-looking thing in the sink, the oven door was open and it was still turned on.
Well, I'll do a bit of investigating.
We're just doing a final check and then you can all go back inside.
What's going on? I thought that you were taking Elle to It's appointments only now, you can't just walk in.
Hiya, mate.
How's things? Yeah, not so bad.
You? It's been better.
What have you got on this afternoon? Er, a wedding at 3:30 with Anna, then some paperwork to catch up on, so There you go.
Rick'll do it, won't you, mate? Do what? I've got to take some holiday before the end of the month or I lose it.
I expect you know me and Kate are getting married, so I thought I'd take me holiday and we could go on honeymoon, but I didn't know you had to do this notice thing first and everyone's busy so Well, we were wondering if you could do it? She says it only takes 20 minutes.
OK, guys, we've had the all clear.
You can go back inside.
Yeah, of course I will.
Let me dump my coat and then I'll be right with you.
There you go.
Problem solved.
Right, I've got everything I need.
I just need to log on, shouldn't take long But first of all I need £35 each off you both, please.
You never said it was going to cost me money.
Do you get a discount cos you work here? Just give him the money, Rob.
I'm not sure I have that much on me.
Do you have your passports or driving licence? There you go, and I've got 60 £62.
I'll have to go to the hole in the wall.
I'll sort out the money difference later.
Erm Gas bill, phone bill and my driving licence.
You came prepared, then? We need to get a basket, some food and a lead - before we go to pick up the dog.
- Right.
You're getting a dog? Yeah.
Yeah, Lucy's finally worn us both down.
I always wanted a dog, but Olivia - she was more of a cat person.
Place of marriage? Here Yeah? Yeah.
Greater Leeds Register Office.
And you want to apply for your notice period to be reduced? That's right.
Have either of you been married or formed a civil partnership in any country? No.
Er, I've been married before, but I'm divorced now.
Can I see your decree absolute, please? Well, I haven't got it yet, but it's coming so can't you Rob.
What? He knows we're legit.
Christ, we've been living together for 14 years.
But you're not technically divorced till you've received your absolute.
I'll drop it in next week as soon as it comes.
But you need to prove that you're free to marry I Those are the rules.
So what can we do? Nothing.
Come on.
What a waste of bloody time.
I'll have me money back.
Cheers, mate! - Jobsworth, what a knobhead.
- No, he's not.
- I thought you said he was all right.
- He can't break the law, Rob It's not his fault you didn't divorce Gill.
You should've done it years ago.
It was bloody embarrassing.
How do you think I feel? Why didn't you tell me I needed the bloody absolute thing? I forgot.
You forgot! And he was a complete dick, he hardly had two words to say to us, he barely looked at us.
He could've made it a damn sight easier.
And now we're going to have to go through the whole bloody palaver again.
Do you know what? Let's not bother.
Let's just stay as we are.
We've told Lucy and Tom now.
They won't be bothered.
I I don't need all this stress right now.
All right, whatever you want.
I want to just forget it.
Fine by me.
Oh, and just for the record I got hauled up in front of the governor and I didn't even get an interview for DI.
Oh KNOCKING Oh, just a minute.
I'm really sorry, I didn't make that easy.
No, honestly, it's fine.
You did the right thing.
I don't mean about the divorce, I mean No, I know, I know what you mean I'm sorry, I didn't want you to get involved - I didn't even want you to know.
- I was going to find out anyway.
It's weird, my relationship's breaking up and you're making yours official.
Well, I'm not sure we are any more because I told him I didn't want to get married.
Really? He's gone off in a huff.
So there's a chance for us, then? I don't think so.
Why not? You have this romantic notion of what I'm like to live with and it's not real.
I don't have any notion of what you're like to live with, but I'd love to find out.
I know we've got a spark of something, both of us.
I'm really attracted to you, even with mascara all over your face.
Have I? You still look beautiful.
I love coming to work cos I get to see you.
I listen to things that you say to people, clients, and I think, "I want to be with that person.
" I I don't know what it is, but believe me it's not just some romantic notion.
Oh, Jesus, that nearly killed me in there.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
See you tomorrow! Yeah.
See ya.
Well, you weren't drunk and it wasn't Christmas, so Are we going over the road for a drink? No, I've got to go home, we're picking the dog up tonight for HE SIGHS Oh, right, it's back to playing happy families, is it? No, it is not bloody happy families! I don't think you've got any idea quite how much havoc you're creating in my life! I don't know what I'm doing any more.
I'm questioning everything that I think and everything I do.
I've got a partner, two children and a stepson.
I'm supposed to be a grown-up You're also just a human being and a woman.
I'm acting like a teenager.
That's good, if you feel like a teenager.
No, it's not good! Where are you going to go with all that stuff anyway? Do you want a lift somewhere? I I said I'd meet Anna in the pub.
She said I could stay at hers tonight.
Great, go and shag Anna then.
That wasn't called for I just can't upset people.
But you can upset me, or don't I count? Of course you count! But it's not just about me wanting to be happy.
Why not? What else is there? I'll see you tomorrow.
And we'll be what, work colleagues, lovers? What will we be? Different from what we were.
What are you afraid of? SHE SIGHS Being on my own.
- OK, we're here.
- Can I just look at my phone for five minutes to see if I've got any messages? I said no phone for a month.
It's not fair.
I didn't do anything.
I only went to a concert.
Without our permission, with a strange boy that you met on the internet.
I don't know why I have to come with you.
Because we want your opinion.
It's a desk for your room and if you don't like it I couldn't care less about a desk.
Well, we'd like you to at least look at it.
Come on.
Miss Spencer said I need a waterproof sock for my verrucas? Good for Miss Spencer.
I'll try and see if I can get you one for you tomorrow, if I've got time.
We've come about the desk.
Simon! Hiya, I didn't I didn't know it was you, come in.
Come in.
Come in.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
How do you two know each other? I married Simon and his wife and registered the birth of their little boy.
And Jenny's death.
What did she die of? Lucy - No, it's all right.
- Erm, she died of cancer.
How are you doing? Er, you know, I'm all right.
Just sort of, still taking it one day at a time.
I just miss her like mad.
It's just every time Harry does something new, I want to tell her, I want to share it with her, but she's not here, so Aw, you've got a dog.
Come here! Hello, wee man.
Aw, he's doing really well, isn't he? Yeah, he's got a tooth now.
What's he called? He's called Happy.
You're so lucky, I wish I had a dog.
Really? Well, you know Happy loves children, but he needs loads of walks and lots of attention and I have little Harry to look after now.
So I can't give Happy the time I used to.
So, I have decided that maybe someone else can give him a better home and love him better than I can.
You're giving him away? Mm-hmm.
Would you like him, Lucy? What? Do you think that you can give him all the love and all the attention that he's going to need? There is no desk, so you'd better pick him up.
You mean he can come home with us? If it's what you want.
That is loud! Turn that bloody thing off.
I hope that's not that horrible shooting and killing game again.
No! It's violent and sexist, I don't know where you got it from or who So we've got a surprise for you boys.
- Who's is that? - He's so cute! He's mine.
Well, he doesn't belong to anyone, he's part of our family.
Can I hold him? You said he was mine, I went to pick him up.
Beth's going to go mental, when I show her these.
- Can you send me one as well? - Yeah.
TEXT ALER That's you.
Oh, it's just work Where's Bethany? She's gone home, her mum and dad've fallen out and she's gone to go see if she can sort them out.
Don't you dare tell your mum that video game's mine.
My phone's still not working.
OK, we'll see what we can do about it tomorrow.
Have you sent me the photos? Yeah, I've sent you three.
Can I go and see if they've come through, Dad? Please.
I don't know, your phone's in your mum's drawer.
Go have a quick look, and don't tell her.
Well, that went down well.
Shit day, turned out all right after all.
There'll be other opportunities, it'll come round again.
Yeah So what we havin'? Er, sausages, mash and broccoli, and we're going to need a blanket or something for the dog basket.
What about one of my old jumpers? Yeah, great.
- Have you found it? - No, it's not here.
You've made a right mess, she's going to know you've been looking for it.
Try her bedside drawer.
Found it! Who are you texting, Kate? This is the best day of my life.
It just looks like a regular office phone, but transmits really good sound.
Would you be able to find a bride for Ezinwa to marry? The most important thing is what you decide to do.
I saw the way you looked at her.
You used to look at me like that.
I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life.