Love Life (2020) s02e10 Episode Script


I used to think that I excited him,
that I completed him.
But he was lost. [scoffs]
So was his manhood.
[dramatic music playing]
Look at this, Melvin ♪
Look at this little-ass boy ♪
Snatching up a Black queen ♪
Then treating her like a toy ♪
He's got a meal
But acting like she's a snack ♪
She calls him out, and he deflects ♪
Imagine that ♪
He's not a king, he's a little-ass boy ♪
Can't tell the truth
Can't experience any joy ♪
Women, if you meet him, you better run ♪
He'll waste your time ♪
And he won't even be able to come ♪
[scattered laughter]
Hey, babe.
You wanna know what the key
to great celery is?
- What is it?
- It's gotta be hard and stiff.
And it can't wilt under pressure.
- Okay, you know what? I
- [laughs]
Why did we even come to this?
Why would she invite me?
It's obvious, to embarrass you.
You want me to spell it out?
You ain't a king, you a little-ass boy ♪
With a tiny little pee-pee ♪
- Marcus.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Thanks so much for coming.
Yeah, no, thanks so much for inviting me.
Oh, congrats on your New York mag
write-up. You must be thrilled.
I am, I am. Take that, Lin.
[all laugh]
Got him!
This is my boyfriend, Ben.
Nice to meet you.
This is my girlfriend, Mia.
- Hi.
- [Mia] Hey, I loved your play.
- It was very illuminating.
- Uh
Illuminating of what?
[Mia] Mm.
Oh. Uh
Well, Mia was just saying
that she appreciated
how you could take our relationship
and turn it into art.
Okay, wait. [scoffs]
Marcus, you didn't think
that was about you, right?
I wrote that during the pandemic.
It was purely a product of my imagination.
She did. And it was. I was there.
- We should make the rounds.
- Yeah.
My friend from A24 is here,
he's excited to meet you.
- Well, Yahtzee.
- [Ola] Okay.
[all laugh]
- Nice seeing you, Marcus.
- [Marcus] Yeah.
And, uh, good luck, Mia.
Good luck. Just a little luck.
Come on, babe.
[Mia] Oop!
- Good luck to you, too, bitch.
- Yo, wow.
- What?
- That was crazy.
That was crazy.
Little-ass drink for my little-ass boy ♪
And my little-ass drink
For my little-ass boy ♪
And he can't even come
He can't even come ♪
He got a little weenie
And he can't even come ♪
Here, I'm sorry.
That was the last one, I promise.
You got reamed, huh?
- Yeah, I got worked.
- [laughs]
I mean, you do realize
that you broke us up, right?
Remember we ran into each other
- when I was moving a car in the street?
- Oh.
Listen, baby.
I can't help it that you be like
breaking up with people
whenever I walk by.
Maybe I should write
a little shitty play about it,
see if I can't figure that out.
Don't be mad 'cause Ola's profiting
off of her bitterness.
Off-Off-Broadway turns a profit?
Ouch. Wow.
You are spicy tonight. This is crazy.
I know, I know, I'm bitter, I'm bitter.
'Cause I ain't got no job.
I'm out here freelance editing
these shitty manuscripts.
And I cannot tell folks
that they are shitty
and I wrote better stuff in high school
because I need to earn.
Why don't you just write something?
[chuckles softly]
Why don't you write a book?
Yeah, pissed-off Black man
writes stinging takedown
of the racist white publishing industry.
I mean, yeah, there's something there.
Yeah, but you're into it. I can tell.
You're thinking about it
- Babe, babe
- calculating.
Baby, I appreciate your enthusiasm,
but I need an income.
We're talking about saving up for a place,
having a kid, you're still
helping your mom.
Look, as far as the money,
I can hold us down for a bit.
You don't have to worry about it.
The big question is,
what do you have to say?
All right. I mean, I do have a lot to say.
I know, you got
a lot of little-ass thoughts?
Kidding. I had to.
It's like you set me up.
What the fuck are we talking about?
Then say it. Write it.
- I love you so much.
- I love you, too.
- Hey, yo, marry me.
- What?
Marry me. Come on, you know you wanna.
"Come on, you know you wanna marry me?"
What? What are you saying?
- I think I said it.
- Where's my ring?
You didn't get down on your knee.
You know what? We can buy one.
Not an expensive one, but a nice one.
And I do want to build a life with you.
I want, you know, a house and a kid.
I want all that stuff with you, so
[soft music playing]
What do you think?
I think that's cool.
I think I want it, too.
- You do?
- I do.
- [cheers]
- [both laugh]
[microwave beeping]
[Mia] Marcus?
- Marcus.
- Oh. Shit. Okay.
Hey, hey, here you are.
Hi, okay, can you get
some hot sauce, too, please?
Mia. Mia, that food
is hot enough as it is.
I don't wanna hurt the baby.
I am so fucking sick of being pregnant.
I gotta get this baby outta me.
- Kind of gonna miss it.
- Yeah.
'Cause the longer I'm pregnant, the longer
you get to take to finish the book.
I'm almost done. You hear that, peanut?
Daddy's gonna be an author.
[winces] Ow, shit!
What? Contraction?
- I don't know. I I hope so.
- Okay.
Oh, my God, I am not ready
to have this baby.
It's okay, we got this.
I think it only gets worse from here.
[narrator] In the span
of the next 26 hours,
Marcus and Mia became
Marcus, Mia, Baby Audre,
and a half-finished manuscript.
- [Mia] I would hope so.
- This face.
Ooh, she's the cutest.
Yeah, it is so nice
seeing her from this angle
- in somebody else's arms.
- [laughs]
[Ida] She's a lot.
I'ma post this with no comment,
see all the shit people got to say.
- You gotta cover her face.
- [Ida laughs]
We're a couple of breeders now, huh?
I've been a breeder, man.
I'm trying to put as many Black folks
on the planet as I can.
I mean, to be honest, man, I
I didn't think
we'd get pregnant this quick.
I thought we had 6 to 12 months at least.
Yeah. You all right?
You're not getting any sleep. I can tell.
- Yeah, I'm not. I'm not, but I'm fine.
- [both laugh]
We're getting help.
- Mm. Like a Roomba?
- No, man.
We're getting a nanny.
- Oh, shit. That's fancy.
- Yeah.
Bro, you sure y'all can, you know
Y'all can afford that?
Yes, yeah. We can afford it.
Don't look at me like that.
I'll be pulling my weight in no time.
This is just until I finish the book.
All right. Yeah, man, I respect it, bro.
Black man breaking them
generational curses, hiring help.
We don't never get help. We need our help.
Get your help, but make sure
she not fine as hell.
- You don't
- You know what?
The nanny's gonna be
whoever takes $20 an hour.
- $20 an hour?
- Yeah.
She is me. First of all, look,
y'all getting bank like that? Listen.
Jaleesa, bring my client to me.
I will burp everybody in this house
for $20 an hour. Know what I'm saying?
Are we sure about this nanny thing?
We better be.
I'm going back to work tomorrow.
I don't know, I was just thinking, like,
I could watch the baby.
And I could write during her nap.
- Wait, what?
- What?
Did you not learn anything in two months?
- Are you insane?
- [cooing]
Okay, but I just think that, like,
it's really expensive,
I'm worried about bonding time.
Baby, we have nothing
to feel guilty about.
Right, you and me, right here?
We are in the fucking trenches together.
White people been using nannies
for centuries. They don't feel no guilt.
I saw this episode of Downton Abbey
where Lady Mary had a newborn son.
She patted him, left the room,
and didn't see his white ass
for three full seasons.
Okay, but So we're
slightly better parents
than a duchess from, like, the 1920s?
No, baby, she's not a duchess.
I don't know her rank. I didn't watch it.
I told you to watch it with me.
It's a classist show.
I have a hard time with that.
Everything's Okay, you know what?
I know this is hard.
Okay, I don't wanna leave Audre either.
But we, you know, we worked really hard
to create that budget for six months
so you could work on your book.
And if you don't finish it,
I will fucking cut you.
- All right, my love?
- All right.
All right.
- Please turn the light off.
- All right. Good night.
[Audre crying]
[Marcus] Oh, there we go.
There's my princess.
[Mia] Yeah, my little queen.
- Here we go.
- [cooing]
Terry, you're like a one-woman
Indy 500 pit crew over there.
I see why your rates are so premium.
My rates are normal.
Yeah. No, no, I
Didn't mean it like that. Um
All right, well, I'll be
at my desk if you need me.
I won't.
[funky music playing]
[Marcus] Okay.
[cell phone vibrates]
[narrator] Back in kindergarten,
Marcus had won a class prize
for a picture book he'd written
entitled Big Dog Digs.
But subsequently,
a fear of failure had managed
to convince him out of
the dream of being a writer,
a dream he had put on the shelf
- like it was just some paperback.
- [clattering]
Oh, I was gonna do those.
It's no problem.
[narrator] Now Marcus had been working
on his tale
of the dark, oppressive world
of publishing
for just shy of a year.
And by the time he finished,
whether it was good or bad
was no longer for him to say.
But whatever it was, it was something.
[whispering] Daddy finished his book.
And thanks for reading this so fast, man.
I gotta say, I really
appreciate you taking the time.
Oh. No problem. It was my pleasure.
So, yeah, you know,
I know it's not perfect.
But I, you know,
I gotta say I'm feeling good.
And you should feel good.
You got it done with a new baby. Crazy.
- Yeah. Thanks, man.
- It's a solid first draft.
Okay. Okay. Uh, what do you got?
I love the premise. I get it.
Black guy goes crazy
in a white work space.
Very Kanye at the TMZ office.
Uh, it's a lot of good stuff
in there, bro.
It's just, I don't feel you in it.
There's not enough you in this.
We can get it there.
I know you can get it there.
But what I will say is,
you have a really nice manuscript
that could be a really good book
if you stop fucking playing.
- Wow, wow. Okay.
- [laughs]
That was my best
Marcus Watkins impression.
You nailed it. You nailed it.
But I will say it does feel good
to be on this side of the table.
- I bet.
- It feels great.
And I also, I'm paying for this.
[narrator] There was a reason
Marcus had been an editor
and not a writer.
This moment felt
as if every note he had given
had come back to haunt him.
And as the sea of red ink
bled into Marcus' eyes,
he decided to close them
and worry about what to do later.
[Terry] Okay, Mia, see you tomorrow.
[Mia] I'll see you later.
- Marcus.
- Hey, y'all wearing coats?
- What?
- Hmm?
[narrator] Worrying about it later
turned into ignoring it for several weeks.
[cell phone buzzes]
Can I sh
I am shitting, Mia. I am shitting.
Hang on. Mia, what the
[Mia] Sorry, Terry's sick.
I need you to take the baby today.
Can you work from home today?
I need to write.
[Mia] Baby, are you serious?
It won't come together today
while you're dropping bombs.
I have to go to work.
- I love you.
- Love you, too.
Jesus, why did I look in the mirror?
[narrator] As Marcus pushed his child
through the American Museum
of Natural History
on a Friday afternoon,
he couldn't help but feel
a little sorry for himself.
And he wore zebra pants.
[crowd laughs]
[narrator] He was a failure,
both professionally and personally,
a little-ass boy after all.
Marcus? Hi.
- Darby, yo, hey! What's up?
- Hi, how are you?
Aw, I saw this sweet single dad,
and then it's you. This is Theo.
- Hey, Theo.
- This is Marcus.
- [Marcus] Hey.
- Oh, this must be Audre.
It's nice to see her
without an emoji over her face.
Yeah. Mia's pretty protective.
I've been meaning to text her,
but I figured saying, "Hi, show me your
baby's face," would be aggressive.
- Yeah. Little bit.
- How are you guys?
Uh, you know, good, good. Mostly.
- Yeah? Yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah. How's Grant?
Grant, yes. Good. Same.
You know, it's Every day's an adventure.
- [chuckles]
- Oh. Okay.
Once you become a parent,
it never goes back to normal.
No, no, God, that would be nice, but no.
[both chuckle]
Hang in there. It's it is all worth it.
All right.
- Hi, baby.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey, hey.
- Shh.
- [whispering] Oh. Sorry.
[in normal voice] What's all this?
I just wanted to show my appreciation.
You know, how lucky I am.
I've been having a really hard time
ever since Trae read the book.
[sputters] He really got in my head.
Like, what the fuck am I even doing?
You're writing a book.
That's what you're doing.
Well, I mean, his, uh his big note was
that I'm not in the book,
and he's right.
I'm not. I don't want that guy in there.
I wrote a character
that I wanted to be, you know?
And it it just didn't ring true.
'Cause I'm hiding. I'm always hiding.
I was hiding in editing, but,
maybe that's all I'm cut out for.
No. Fuck that. You hated editing.
Baby, how are you gonna fix this book?
I don't know.
I guess I could do that real scary shit
and write a guy like me.
Complicated softy
prone to juvenile fuckups.
You ain't that complicated.
Look, baby, I know
that this is really hard.
I do.
But you gotta keep pushing.
Okay, I will.
[narrator] And he did.
In three months, the book was finished.
And a year after that, it was published.
Thanks, man.
Hello! I'm home.
- Baby, hi.
- Hey, baby.
- [kisses]
- Mm!
- How was your flight?
- It was good.
- It was good?
- Yeah. Where's Audre?
Terry got her into the bath.
- Oh. I'm gonna go say hi.
- Wait.
But don't rile her up.
Don't give her any cookies.
She lost her mind last time.
Oh, I would never.
And why aren't you dressed?
We gotta get going soon.
Because I've been
a single parent for ten days?
I'm just nervous,
the Times reporter is gonna be there.
Do you not wanna go?
'Cause you don't have to.
No, I want to go.
Thanks, babe.
We're gonna have a great time.
[Audre laughs]
[Marcus] My baby!
[Trae] Honestly, he wouldn't even be
a writer if it wasn't for me.
- [chuckles]
- Damn, that's kind of true, actually.
- Trae was very helpful.
- Ah, you heard it.
Make sure that makes the profile.
Trae Lang made Marcus Watkins.
- Whoa, sound bite. [chuckles]
- All right. As
As did my wife, who worked her ass off
and allowed me to be
a very unemployed writer
for two years.
Thank you. We had a daughter.
- [woman] Really sweet.
- We
How did your friendship change
being peers?
Well, first off,
Marcus talks way more shit now.
- [laughs]
- [woman] I love you two.
Yeah, me, too.
I'm gonna re-up on some eggnog.
- You guys want anything?
- No, I'm good.
- [Mia] Okay.
- I'll take a scotch and soda.
[Ramones' "Merry Christmas" playing]
Merry Christmas
I don't want to fight tonight with ♪
Merry Christmas, I don't want to ♪
[Marcus] Yeah. Yeah,
the book is really personal.
This next one,
it's a bit of a tonal shift.
So it's been sort of a battle.
[Otis Redding's
"Merry Christmas Baby" plays]
Merry Christmas, baby ♪
Can you excuse me for one second?
Of course. Of course.
Bought me a diamond ring for Christmas ♪
I feel like I'm in paradise ♪
I feel mighty fine, y'all ♪
- Hey.
- Hi.
Is everything okay?
I just needed a minute.
Look, I appreciate you.
- Really?
- Yes. Yes.
I know you're tired and I dragged you out
to this party, and I shouldn't have, and
Babe, it's just been a long
ten days with you gone,
and now you're back
and you're diving right back in.
I know. I'm sorry.
And I
I guess this is
this is all really new to me.
And I guess I'm just scared
that if I don't say yes
to everything, that,
it'll all just go away.
Listen, baby, you're doing really well.
You just gotta trust it.
- You know what?
- What?
Let's get the fuck outta here.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Yeah, how late can Terry stay?
How much are you willing to pay?
So wait, wait, wait, wait,
she bought the purse
- Mm-hmm.
- the purse, a first class ticket?
Yes, babe, 'cause she said it was cheaper
to buy an unaccompanied
minor ticket than to ship it.
And then somewhere
in between Dubai and New York,
that shit went missing.
No, it didn't go missing.
It went home with a flight attendant.
I know!
So now it's, like, an Interpol situation,
and it's detectives and shit.
It's crazy.
And honestly, my job is so stupid.
It's stupid.
And I think I wanna quit. I do.
[R&B music playing]
Yeah, fuck it. Quit then.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, we're doing okay.
I think I got us for a while.
And nothing's worth that stress.
I think you should quit.
- I'm gonna quit my job.
- Yeah?
- I'm gonna quit my fucking job.
- Let's quit your job.
Let's celebrate, do some shots.
- Let's do some fucking shots.
- Yeah.
Let's do some shots!
Damn, okay, all right.
[as Buffalo Bill] Excuse me,
can we get two shots of vodka, please?
It's Buffalo Bill.
- I think she's a vodka person.
- Oh, no.
If you wanna go and get high with me ♪
Smoke an L in the back of the Benz-E ♪
Oh, why must I feel this way? ♪
Hey, must be the money! ♪
We got a babysitter.
- [Marcus] So we gonna get lit up!
- [Mia] Whoo!
You should feel the impact
Shop on plastic ♪
Let's do another one.
- Do another one.
- You!
Watch me as I gas that 4 dot 6 Range ♪
Hey, must be the money!
If you wanna go and get high with me ♪
Smoke an L in the back of the Benz-E ♪
Oh, why must I feel this way? ♪
Hey, must be the money ♪
If you wanna go
And take a ride with me ♪
We three-wheeling
In the fo' with the gold D's ♪
Oh, why do I live this way? ♪
Hey, must be the money! ♪
If you wanna go and get high with me ♪
Smoke an L in the back of the Benz-E ♪
Oh, my Can you please pull over, please?
- Oh.
- Oh.
[Marcus] Okay.
I'm sorry.
[narrator] As Marcus wiped
regurgitated eggnog
off the side of the Uber,
he was warmed
by a feeling of being needed.
For he now knew that being a man
meant stepping up to the plate not once,
but in perpetuity.
And even just having a plate to step up to
made him as lucky as a person can get.
We're going to go see Grandma and Grandpa.
Hey, baby.
Why you bringing this many coats?
It's Michigan. It's not Russia.
Your parents keep it to 56 degrees.
So layers, babe.
Come on, they turn the heat on.
- Do they?
- Yeah.
- Okay. They don't.
- [knock on door]
Who is that?
Oh, Uh, I don't know.
- Hey.
- [laughing]
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi.
- Hey, look, Audre, it's Grandma.
- [Donna gasps, exclaims]
Come here, my precious.
I could eat you with a spoon.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh.
There's been a change of plans.
Mom's gonna watch Audre for five days
while we go to The Bahamas.
- Wait, what?
- Yeah, yeah.
So you might want to get rid
of some of those coats.
Uh, I'm gonna go get a snack.
Let's go get a snack,
shall we, baby? Yes. Let's go get
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
We can't go to The Bahamas right now.
I'm, like, not ready.
I'm, like, not even waxed appropriately.
- I'll wax you.
- [chuckles]
You didn't book a Sandals, right?
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Okay.
- It is not a Sandals.
- Good job.
It's gonna be perfect. I promise.
You trust me?
- Yes.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
- All right.
[Donna] Audre, you might get
a little brother for Christmas.
- Yeah. What? No. No, no.
- Oh, no.
- Mom.
- Uh-uh.
Like some champagne?
Thank you so much.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Thank you.
[airhostess] Champagne for you?
- Mm.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
Holy shit, babe.
They got a massager on here.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, that's good shit.
I'm ruined.
I love you so much.
Aw. Baby, I love you, too.
I'm serious.
Like, growing up, I never had a good model
of what a relationship was, you know,
and I didn't know how much work it takes.
And my parents didn't do any of that,
and I just feel so lucky
that I get to figure it out with you.
Thank you for sticking with me.
Well, thank you for putting up with me.
- [laughs]
- Yeah. Yeah.
You are definitely worth the trouble.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Excuse you.
- Yeah, no.
- "The trouble"?
- Yeah, you are trouble.
- Whatever. Whatever.
- [laughs]
[chuckles] Hey, I got a question.
Back when we first met, do you remember
getting, like, this hangover
care package thing?
- No. No.
- Okay.
Well, I showed up
at your apartment,
and I I brought Gatorade,
fucking Pedialyte,
Smartwater, chips, soup, all that shit.
And, Amar'e Stoudemire
- answered the door.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Damn.
- Yeah.
- I forgot to tell you I was
I was dating STAT, yeah.
- He's so tall.
- Yeah. That's a big dude.
Yeah. I felt like a Smurf.
- [laughs]
- I learned that that day.
And I remember walking away
just being so upset.
Like, "Why did this woman
even talk to me?"
Oh. 'Cause I liked you.
And look at us now.
Great kid, great life
It's pretty tight, right?
Okay, I'm reclining, right now.
- Bye, babe.
- Oh, snap, okay.
- I'm gonna race you.
- Bye.
- No, ain't no bye.
- Bye.
- I'ma join you.
- You're not.
I'm gonna beat you down.
- You're not going to.
- I am.
You're so competitive. You're insane.
Yeah. It's that Y chromosome.
- [Mia] I guess.
- You know how we do.
[George McCrae's "You Can Have It All"]
If you want, want my love ♪
Take it, baby ♪
If you want, want my heart ♪
Take it, baby ♪
You can have it all ♪
You can have it all ♪
If you want, want my time ♪
Take it, baby ♪
And if you want my last dime ♪
Take it, baby ♪
You can have it ♪
Have it all ♪
Baby, have it all ♪
Baby, you can have it ♪
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