Love Me (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

1 Clara! Hi.
- Hi, oh! - How are you? Oh, nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
Okay? Yeah, let's go.
So she ends it with everyone except one guy, probably as emotionally immature as she is.
But that's her deal, I mean, I'm sure they're happy, just not very evolved.
I mean, not everyone can process their jealousy and ownership impulses, but hey, that is me.
Right, so like a polyamory kind of deal? Wow, I barely have time for Amory.
Ethical non-monogamy, yeah.
Hm, right, right and um, how many partners do you have at the moment? - Right now? - Hm.
None right now, I'm resetting, I've been busy, - I'm an entrepreneur.
- Yep, already said that.
- I was in IT, doing my apps.
- Apps, yep.
- Did I say that? - Yeah, amazing, yeah.
- Hey.
- Hm? I-I don't have a lot of time.
- So.
- So.
Where do you wanna, where should we? - It's 8:30 in the morning.
- Well, you said eight - and I'm fine with that.
- Yeah, for breakfast.
You were quite explicit in your texts.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck.
You're the wrong one.
- Must be.
- Ah! It's okay, I've got to get to work anyway.
It was, ah, very nice to meet you, Greg.
That was 10.
You're 50 cents short.
- Okay, sorry.
- It's alright.
50 cents, you want 50 cents, okay.
You know, ah, it's really unattractive, just for future reference.
- We're not even- - Having sex? - No.
- No, 'cause you're not getting any and you're not going to by monologuing for half an hour and ordering like a child.
I can't drink hot beverages.
Well, that's a load of dairy before sex.
I get heaps of sex.
I'm sure you do, but not today.
I drag a chair over to the window ♪ And I watch what's going on ♪ The garbage truck tiptoes along the road ♪ Light a candle for the suffering ♪ Send my best wishes with the wind ♪ Oh, shit! I'm gonna miss the bus, I've gotta go, I've gotta go.
Though well-meaning, they don't mean a thing ♪ I really have to go.
No, no, no, - not yet, not yet.
- Yeah? I might change my sheets today ♪ Hey, stop! Fuck! Congratulations, 40 years.
Oh, thank you.
I've only been married for three, hope we get there.
Okay, so something really special to, to mark the occasion.
Um, yeah, so my wife, ah, has specific needs, she-she's, ah, she's quite immobile.
Great, great, we, ah, we can do that.
I mean, she's really not terribly well.
I'm hoping, um, a trip might cheer her up.
Oh yes.
King Island.
Senior Love Romantica.
It's a package designed for senior lovers, in the off-peak season, it's all inclusive, five star luxury, day trips, spa treatments, massages, facials, therapeutics, horizon pool.
Music, dancing.
Oh no, no, um, she can't dance.
You don't have to.
You can sit at the bar, listen to the band.
Plus there's a nurse on-site in case there's Okay, yeah, um, so how much? Including airfares, airport transfers, that's 20K, total.
Ooh! No, no, that's very good for the gold package.
Yeah, um, ah, what other, um- There's gold, silver or bronze.
Right, how about copper? Or tin, perhaps? No, no, there's just the three.
Especially if you want to spoil your wife, I mean, she's obviously had a rough run.
Yeah, um, ah, what's, what's, what's the, what's the bronze? I'll talk you through the silver, that's 18K.
Ah, bronze, ah, thank you.
I'm really, I'm happy to go straight, straight to the bronze.
Well, ah, you lose the French champagne, the helicopter sightseeing, water aerobics.
The travel insurance is also not included, that's the, that's the 15K package.
Yes, yes, um, no, that's fine.
Wonderful! You will have the time of your life.
On the bronze package.
Alright, nice deep breaths for us.
You're gonna feel some pressure on your throat from Sacha, that's nothing to worry about.
We're gonna take great care of you, Phillip.
Deep breath, that's it.
And cricoid on, we're asleep probably.
Let's risk it.
- Why not? - I'm feeling lucky.
I'm done.
You say that every three months.
This is the last time.
Maybe if you gave someone a proper go.
He licked the spoon while talking about being evolved.
And he didn't get any of my jokes.
Okay, well clearly not him then.
I just want one, one grown up man.
I don't want more random sex.
I'll take it.
It's exhausting, I'm talking to seven people at once, I've gotten sick of my own small talk.
I've started using your stories to mix it up.
- Mine? - Yeah.
Well, that's not gonna work, they probably have a lesbian vibe.
Oh, I don't wanna date children, I wanna have one.
Well, you can have mine anytime.
Not to date, don't date my kids.
The whole thing you've got is over.
What, kids and watching TV? I mean, they can't all be polyamorous.
Who's got the time? I don't know, but apparently if you're single at this age, it's just weirdos and hook-ups.
Sarah in Maternity just married the guy she met online.
Have you met him? No.
Phillip agrees with me, the men online are shit.
Are they, are they all shit? Or are you just a little bit quick to judge? - Oh, psht! - Do you remember that guy that you got rid of, because he asked you - if you went to the gym? - I hate the gym, - so that was never gonna work.
- Oh yeah, how dare he ask? He was probably just making conversation.
- Badly.
- Could've been your soulmate.
I think I'm just gonna do the sperm donor thing.
Yeah, sure you can, but I just think you're gonna meet someone.
- Where? - Mum, Mummy.
Definitely not here.
I mean, he's a catch, loves his mum.
Phillip, are you single? Um, excuse me, um, I beg your pardon.
Ah, you-you wouldn't have a nice Moselle, would you? I'm not sure if they're still popular, or? Wait there, I'll check.
Judith, hello.
How is she? Ah, Christine? Oh, um, good, good, you know, she- All this on top of the diabetes.
And how are you? - Um.
- It can't be easy.
Oh well, I'm, I'm not the one in pain, Judith.
Oh, she's still in pain? Chronic? You know, Merah Singh's husband had the stomach cancer.
He took his own life.
Depression from the pain apparently.
I mean, he was terminal, but I was thinking of Christine.
Well, she's, she's not terminal, so- Oh, no, of course not.
But the pain and the trauma of the accident.
I mean, you're probably all still traumatized, nearly losing her.
Ah, well, we-we didn't, so no, we're-we're fine, we're fine, thank you.
I mean, maybe you could, you know, she'd love a visit.
Oh, we didn't want to intrude.
Yeah, um, or perhaps a phone call.
Yes, I must give her a ring.
Yeah, okay, well, it was lovely to see you.
I'm sorry, I have to find the assistant.
- Okay.
- You too.
- B-Bye bye, bye, Judith.
- And I'll pop Christine on the Prayers for the Needy list.
Oh, thank you, okay, bye bye now.
- I did that for Mr.
- Singh when he suicided and it gave Merah great comfort.
Okay, bye now, Judith, bye bye.
Where's he gone? Oh, excuse me! Found some Moselle.
- Oh dear.
- Oh, sorry, sorry.
Um, yeah, I'll have that one, ah, thank you.
Take care of yourself, Glen.
Okay, bye bye now.
Bye, Judith.
How did you miss the bus? Well, it was going when I actually got- No, how did you not, seriously for the one ethical law firm in the country, you, what, you slept in? No, I was awake.
- Then how did you- - We were You know.
Oh, wow! And I snoozed the alarm and I lost track of time and I- - Wow.
- And I was trying to leave, - but- - That's fucked.
No, it doesn't matter, okay? - I mean, I've got an interview- - What is wrong with you? - Taylor McKenzie.
- Does she not know - how important clerkships are? - No, it's not her fault.
I know that.
You, what, you just can't drag yourself away? No, she's just, no, I can't, okay, but when I'm there, it's hectic, okay.
I mean, I fucking, I fucking love her, I just- Okay, you know what this is, right? - What? - Chemicals, Dopamine and Oxytocin flooding the brain, which creates this like addictive dependence.
Okay, please don't brain chemistry me, okay? It's called love.
You're so brutal.
You are, or does she not care that you miss her gigs? - Hey, I've gotta study, okay? - We're not all Uni medalists.
Shut up.
Fine, I'm probably gonna hook up with that waitress tonight anyway, so.
- Aw! - I would've ignored you.
Enjoy the dopamine! And I had to go to three stores.
I mean, people don't use fresh spices anymore, too labor intensive.
Oh! Guess who I saw? Judith.
My God, she's a strange woman.
She was eager to know just how poorly you were.
She's been very concerned apparently.
I don't know, she's had two years to give you a call.
Anyway, she's making sure you're included in the Prayers for the Needy.
So, very helpful.
Mm! Okay, nearly ready.
You hungry? Christine? Chris? Chris? Hm? You fell asleep.
Oh, oh.
Kids will be here soon, better get you dressed, eh? Hm.
- Yeah.
- There you go.
Okay, alright.
You ready, ready? One, two, three.
You okay? I've got you, I've got you.
I just, ah.
I-I think we should talk about home care.
Come on, don't be silly, I can- - No, because I'm- - I can manage, I can manage.
- I'm getting too heavy.
- No, you're not.
You're not, you're not.
Which dress do you want? Oh, ah, I don't know.
What about that one Clara bought you for Christmas that time? No, it'll be too tight.
No, it won't.
It's nice and flowy when it's on, isn't it? Well, maybe last time I wore it, but I, I'm too fat now.
Oh come on, don't be ridiculous.
I've been sitting for nearly two years, I've lost a lot of muscle tone.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Come on, you're a beautiful woman, you're just as beautiful as you were when I first met you.
Oh, rubbish.
Well, shall we try it on anyway? Okay, now light or dark lippy? Dark.
Okay, hold still.
No, no, put the dress on first.
Okay, sorry.
Alright, pucker up, there you go and top, ah.
Okay? Look alright? Okay, let's get this off, arm up.
And this one, I'll do this one.
There you go.
There you go, alright, let's get it up the back.
Sorry, it's stuck under you.
- Ow, ow! - Sorry, sorry, hang on.
- You've caught- - Sorry, sweetie, sorry.
Are you trying to suffocate me? For God's sake! - I'm stuck, I can't- - Sorry, sorry.
- Ow! - Oh, sorry, sorry, darling.
I'm sorry.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, you're okay.
- God! - You're okay.
You're okay.
Now, let's get this dress on you, hey? 20 minutes late? Why didn't you just order a car? 'Cause it was surging.
Well, they can always reschedule.
I mean, that's pretty unreasonable.
Not unreasonable to expect him to be on time, Mum.
Normal in a professional setting.
Well, he doesn't need a lecture from you.
Thanks, love.
Can I have a look? When's your next interview? Um, it's a couple of weeks.
- You'll land that one.
- Hm.
Oh, is that a Rumi quote? - Mm-hm.
- That's, that's beautiful.
Isn't that thoughtful? Hm.
What's this fork? The prong's at a 45 degree angle! How old is this set? Don't worry, I'll get you another one.
It's um, it's a wedding present.
Oh, maybe time to get new ones? It's romantic.
It's cutlery.
There you go.
Less stabby, thank you.
And I've got a very special wine here.
Oh no, Dad, mine's the other one.
Do you remember this? - Oh.
- It's the one we had - at our wedding.
- Oh, no.
I thought maybe we could have a little toast.
No, I've had a double dose of pain meds.
- Oh.
- Hm.
Okay, well, I'll save it for another time.
You have it.
No, no, I don't need to.
I'll try it.
Have a glass.
No, sparkling water will do me.
No, no, no, no, water's fine.
I've got an exam tomorrow, so.
- Open book, though.
- Hm.
That's really refreshing.
It's actually a great little device you got us.
We should use that more often.
Have the wine.
No, no, no, no, I'm happy with this.
Well, why are you punishing me? - Pardon? - Well, you're not the one on medication, so why won't you drink? Well, I, I don't need to.
Well, you obviously want it, why else would you buy it? I mean, you can celebrate.
Well, we are celebrating.
Yeah, why don't I start the toast? If I wasn't here, if I'd died in the accident, you'd be able to drink, yeah? - Okay.
- Mum, do we have to talk about- Yes, because denial doesn't help, doesn't help with the pain, the incontinence, the UTIs.
Okay, can we just enjoy this nice meal Dad's made? It's okay, it's fine, it's fine.
Drink it.
Right, thank you, I will.
Drink it! Oh, drink it properly! Jesus, Mum.
It's, it's good, slatey.
Ella got a new regular gig.
That's good.
Yeah, she actually got this cool, new bar on Rose Street.
Shall we have the main course? Absolutely.
Hm, I'm not done yet.
Mm! Yum, Dad, I've been eating way too much cafeteria food.
Yeah, we haven't seen you for a while.
What have you been up to? How've you been? Oh, with work, um, alright.
Haven't maimed anyone.
Dad means have you been seeing someone? Is that why you haven't been over? - Ah, no, not really.
- Well, what does that mean? It means I've been on a few bad dates, that's all.
Oh, no one good enough? No, it's not that.
Well, they have all been weirdos.
You're so picky.
I'd rather be picky than have no standards.
Well, it's time to lower them, I think.
I mean, you're hardly perfect yourself, Clara, so I don't know why you expect other people to be.
I know I'm not, I don't expect- I mean, you, you, you are too old to be mucking around like this.
You won't even be able to have any ki, if you want kids, you have to stop all this nonsense and just find some reasonable fellow, who- Okay, thanks, reasonable, yep, trying to do that.
Well, you know what I mean, someone decent.
You're not exactly easy yourself, you know.
- Thank you, Mum.
- Okay, - let's just change the subject.
- There are other ways - to have a baby these days.
- There is no perfect partner, it's work, it's compromise, it's disappointment.
- Oh, you hear that, Dad? - Nice, happy anniversary.
- Thank you, darling.
- Your generation - is so delusional.
- Oh.
Thinking you can have babies whenever you like, however you like.
God! I mean, ha, you're like those stupid celebrities in complete denial about your age.
Like you're in denial about that dress? Oh, what? It's too tight, it looks ridiculous.
It-it-it looks fine.
Can you take me back to bed, please? Oh, come on! Chris, you've, you've hardly touched your food and we've got a beautiful dessert.
Mum, don't, please.
Yeah, I'm, I'm too tired.
- Ready? One, two, three.
- Dad, Dad, Dad, - I can, I can, I can help.
- No, no, no, no.
Would you let him help you? I've got you, I've got you, I've got you, I've got you.
You're on fire tonight.
Me? She's the Poor Dad, the thing with the wine was sociopathic.
She's in pain.
Because she's not doing the rehab, that she's supposed to be doing, Aaron.
I've seen a lot worse, by the way.
- You're such an arsehole.
- Oh, fuck off.
- Where are you going? - To study.
Well, this is nice! Great family dinner.
Okay, one, two, three.
Okay, okay, you right? - Okay? - Yeah.
I'll bring you some sticky date? No.
Clara's right, I look ridiculous.
Come on, you can have a little slice.
Doctor says the weight's bad for my mobility, so.
You okay? Yeah.
Comfy? Thanks, yeah.
Water? Thanks.
You off? Oh, I cleared the plates, you want me to do the dishes? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, you go.
Don't mind Mum, she's just tired.
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, happy anniversary.
Thank you, darling.
You drive safe, yeah? Happy studying.
For your open book exam.
Oh, get fucked.
Seriously, you need to! With gastronomic and artistic treasures.
But now we've come to the beating heart of the country, - Rome.
- How exhausting.
It's a 2000-year old metropolis, where past and present collide.
- It's as unique as- - Want a cup of tea? Sure.
- Okay.
- Christ on the cross.
As it is for a food lover.
Today I'm gonna cook you a dish, that is really steeped in history.
Excuse me.
Oh, um, sorry.
Late dinner? I'm kidding, although I used to have that for dinner all the time.
Until I saw that viral gelatine video, have you seen that? Yeah, don't, it's seriously off-putting.
But you know, I-I was an addict, so it was useful to be put off.
But I mean, you seem to have a good relationship with the-the snakes.
You've, you've dropped some.
I just worry that people put them back in, you know, when they drop them.
- Hey, mate.
- Hey, how are you doing? Good? Yeah, I'll just get these two.
- Those two? - Yeah.
There's a two-for-one deal on those.
- You want another one? - Oh, ah Why not? Go nuts.
That's what I say.
Yeah, alright, um, I'll get another one.
Too easy, that'll be five dollars.
Right, there you go.
Beautiful, have a good one, man.
Yeah, thanks, mate, have a good night.
- You have a good night.
- You too.
- Five dollars.
- Oh.
And 20 cents, the snakes.
Hi again.
I'm not stalking you, um Chaperoning.
No, I um, I live just there.
I live there.
Actually, could you just wait there until I'm inside? Just, just so I know that you're not.
Ugh, ah, yeah, sorry, go on, I'm kidding.
Night! Yep.
Oh, the tea will be a bit strong, sorry.
Are they at the Trevi Fountain, Chris? You asleep? It's the entire side of a palace! Christine? Christine? Chris? Chris? Chris? Chris? Christine, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.
Chris, wake up.
Aaron, call an ambulance! Christine? Chris.
Christine! Chris! Don't leave me, Chris.

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