Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) s01e05 Episode Script

Beeper Beeper

1 Hey, man, do we have a move today? - Yes, we do.
- What time? - I think it's now.
- Wait, is that dude waiting on us? Yeah, but I told him we had to get our van fixed, so it's cool.
Oh, perfect.
When'd you tell him? Uh, I haven't told him just yet.
I plan on telling him once we get out of here.
You know, once we do our shopping.
- He'll understand.
- Of course, man.
Who doesn't have car problems? - Superman.
- Yep.
- Presidents.
- Yep.
- Motorcycle cops.
- Yep.
What about bike cops? Do they have car problems? Oh, snap! You see that? Yo, is that what I think it is? Yep, those are Eddie Murphy's vampire teeth from when he played a vampire in "Vampire in Brooklyn.
" "Vampire in Brooklyn"? That movie's an undeniable masterpiece.
You got that right.
This here's all Eddie Murphy's stuff.
Are you Eddie Murphy? No.
But I was his limo driver.
Hell yeah.
I drove Eddie all over the place.
- That was up until he fired me.
- Damn.
What happened? I remember it like it was yesterday.
The year was 1995.
It was the premiere for "Vampire in Brooklyn," an undeniable masterpiece.
I dropped Eddie off, no problem.
But then when I was buying myself a cranberry juice at 7/11, some idiot stole my limo.
I never got to pick up Eddie, and Eddie never forgave me.
Fired my ass the very next day.
All I got left are the memories, and all of this memorabilia.
Yo, that's a sad and boring story, dude.
Oh cool, a beeper.
Oh, man.
That was the beeper Eddie would hit me on whenever he wanted me to pick him up.
And I used to love that beeper 'cause you put "8008," it spelled "boob.
" Backward and frontward.
I'll give it to you for $100.
We'll take it.
1x05 - Beeper Beeper Imagine all the cool things we can do with this beeper.
It's gonna open up so many doors for us.
Yeah, beepers are so versatile.
Oh, snap! It's vibrating.
- And they're paging "911.
" - Must be serious.
Brothers, brothers, brothers, you know you can't call a beeper from a cellphone.
You gotta use a payphone.
Haven't you seen "the wire"? That's ridiculous.
Payphones don't exist anymore.
Wrong, brothers.
They still got payphones in the ghetto.
All right, let's do this.
Come on, man.
Where you at, man? - Where's my limo? - Uh, who's this? - It's me, Eddie Murphy.
- Eddie Murphy? Like Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy? Are you deaf? [bleep] The "Vampire in Brooklyn" premiere is at 8:00 PM sharp.
Pick me up.
You guys, Eddie Murphy thinks it's 1995.
I'm Eddie Murphy.
Whoo! Dude, it's a real shame when black celebrities go crazy - and think that it's 1995.
- Yes, it is.
Yo, Bill Clinton's a real jerk.
I actually like him.
He's real charming.
You know what? When you put it that way, I'm happy he currently the President of the United States.
- Wait, what? - Yo, what year is it? It's 1995.
Flavor in your year, son.
Oh snap.
We've been paged back in time to the year 1995.
This is so dope, brothers.
1995 was my best year ever.
That was the year I was the face of "Fubu.
" Yep.
1995 was a great year.
So many great things happened in '95.
Like, um Oh, I got one.
Bone Thugs in Harmony came out with "Eternal" in 1995.
Yeah, you're right.
That was the best album ever.
Bet it sounds even better in 1995.
I bet it sounds great in 1995.
You know what we gotta do.
Wait, will our money work in '95? Oh, man.
1995 Lil Kim was so fine.
We'll take two copies of the Bone Thugs CD.
Wait, why do you need two copies? We always buy two of everything, so we can have the same experience at the same time.
Yeah, we've done that since we were kids.
See? Bone bone bone.
Bone bone bone.
Bone bone bone.
Bone bone bone.
- 'Sup? - 'Sup? We'll take two copies of the Bone Thugs CD.
Sorry, little Lucas brothers, there's only one left.
Then I guess I'll take whatever that is.
All right, now it's time to listen - to the harmony of these Bone Thugs.
- In 1995.
Oh man, how are we gonna listen to these CDs, man? Let's go get some CD players.
All right.
We gotta go back in to buy two discmans.
Disc I say CD player.
I say CD players too.
Is that wrong? Oasis? Come on, man.
Kenny, you know the hood ain't gonna back you up on this.
Forget the hood.
When I grow up, I'm gonna move to England like my new heroes Oasis.
And in gonna be with Oasis.
I'm gonna be just like my heroes in Oasis.
Forget the hood, Keef.
I'm getting out of the hood.
Oasis sucks, you suck, England sucks, the hood is dope, and we can't be brothers anymore.
- Yo, Keef, you just disappeared.
- You disappeared too.
Dude, what's happening to us? I think I know what's going on.
The moment lil Kenny and lil Keef bought different CDs, your identities began to drift apart.
- Oh word? - And now your lives are heading in two completely different directions.
And if the Lucas brothers aren't exactly alike, you're nothing at all.
That's why you're disappearing! So that's why we're disappearing? I think I know what we gotta do.
- What is it? - We gotta find little Kenny and little Keef and make them start agreeing on everything.
And we better do it fast, 'cause we're gonna keep disappearing if we do it slow.
Hey, look.
There we are.
You really think Shawn Michaels is better than Bret Hart? - Absolutely.
- But we've been Bret Hart fans - since day one.
- I don't care.
Shawn Michaels is so much better.
He has more charisma, and he dances.
Bret's boring, just like the hood.
- I'm going to England.
- That's it.
It's official.
If we can't find something to agree on, then we can't be brothers anymore.
Shawn Michaels, little Kenny? Why? I'm really disappointed in my little self.
We have to find a way to make them agree.
- But how? - I know one thing that everyone can agree on.
That "Vampire in Brooklyn" is an undeniable masterpiece.
And Eddie Murphy said the premiere is tonight.
Light bulb.
I figured it out.
We gotta get little Kenny and little Keef to the premiere.
Obviously they'll both love the movie.
- And once again they'll be brothers.
- And we'll stop disappearing.
Okay, so here's the plan.
Jerrod, while you distract our Mom, we'll go kidnap our younger selves.
And how am I supposed to distract your mom? Just say something about church - Or Keith Sweat.
- She really loves Keith Sweat.
Big fan of Keith Sweat.
What up? This better be important.
I'm in the middle of playing "Madden '95.
" Well, I just got out of the church and was wondering if you wanted to listen to the soulful sounds of Keith Sweat? Come on in, you handsome stranger.
- Hey, who are you guys? - Do you like Oasis? Why'd you kidnap us? We're your future selves.
We're here to make you like each other again.
That ain't gonna happen, dude.
- Never gonna happen.
- Yeah, I hate this dude.
Hey look, just give us 102 minutes.
If you both don't agree that "Vampire in Brooklyn" is an undeniable masterpiece - Then we'll let you go.
- That cool? - Yeah, cool.
- Whatever.
- Ooh, I'm a vampire! - But you're in Brooklyn.
I'm a Vampire in Brooklyn! Ooh, ooh! I gotta say, those two older dudes were right.
"Vampire in Brooklyn" is an undeniable masterpiece.
Yeah, it's a perfect movie.
It's flawless cinema.
It combines our two favorite things, vampires and Brooklyn.
- I'm so sorry about earlier, man.
- I know.
Why were we fighting? I don't know.
Let's be twins again.
- Identical.
- Perfect.
Yo, Keef, we're not disappearing anymore.
- It worked.
- But I'll tell you what didn't work.
- What? - "Vampire in Brooklyn.
" - That movie was awful.
- That movie sucked.
That movie stunk.
- Why was he a vampire? - I don't know.
- Why was he in Brooklyn? - Yo, over there.
Those are the identical twins that stole my identical twins.
Freeze or we'll shoot.
Wait, no no no.
Don't shoot.
Let me explain it.
We're from the future, and these little dudes, they're us.
- We were disappearing, right? - And we needed them to agree that "Vampire in Brooklyn" was an undeniable masterpiece so that they would agree so we'd stop disappearing.
We're all done now, so you can have them back.
Open fire and aim for anything black.
Hop in, brothers! Hey, hey! Get back here.
That's my limo! - Dude, clutch.
- You saved our lives.
Yo, where'd you get this awesome limo from? I saw some dude that left his limo idling in a 7/11 parking lot.
So I stole it.
Man, I hope that dude doesn't get fired over this.
Pull over the stretch vehicle.
Hold on, brothers! Whoa! Oh snap! Oh snap.
There's the payphone.
Now all we gotta do is page ourselves to the future.
Hello? - Hey, Mom.
- Kenny, what you doing calling so late? You know I got church in the morning.
We need you to page us at this number so we can travel back to the future.
- Yeah, it's 845-478-4154.
- Fo sho'.
Lucas brothers! Put down the payphone now.
Pick up the phone, woman.
Please pick up! Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.
Open fire! Hello? Hello? - We're back.
- Awesome.
Oh snap.
Damn ghetto.
You let us down.
But we still love you.
You know what they say.
The ghetto giveth, and the ghetto taketh away.
Oh snap!