Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) s02e02 Episode Script

Willdependence Day

2x02 - Willdependence Day [Jerrod humming "The Star-spangled Banner"] Happy Willdependence Day, brothers.
This is gonna be the best Fourth of July ever.
- Yeah, whatever, dude.
- I don't care about anything.
What's wrong, brothers? You love Willdependence Day.
- Normally we do.
- Yeah, but our mom is coming to town, And all she ever wants to do is spend time with us.
- She never lets us do anything fun.
- It's horrible.
Well, we'll see you later, Jerrod.
We gotta get home, and try to enjoy our last few minutes of freedom.
'Cause that's what Will Smith would want.
And that's why he died in "Bagger Vance.
" So we can be free.
Wait, Will Smith died in "Bagger Vance"? [Engine sputtering] [Lighter flicks, exhales] - Yo, Kenny.
- Yeah, Keef? - You feeling free? - Yeah.
- Yo, Keef.
- What? You ever think that maybe our lives are just a TV show - that aliens watch out in space? - I do.
Of course I do.
[Doorbell rings] Oh, snap.
It's mom.
- Try not to look stoned.
- How do you not look stoned? I don't know.
Welcome to greenpoint, mom.
Whoa! Go get changed, Lucas brothers.
We are going to church.
- But this is how we always dress.
- Yeah, exclusively.
Put on your church clothes now, and hurry up.
[Muttering] stupid What was that, Lucas brothers? - Nothing, mom.
- Nothing, we're gonna go change.
That's what I thought.
Why would anyone go to church on Sunday? That's your day off.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's god's day off.
Why would god make us go to church on Sunday if he's taking the day off? He's not even there.
- Yeah.
- So we're praying to nobody.
- Doesn't make sense.
- And one thing I know about god, is that he makes sense.
- Mom? - ™º Happy Willdependence Day.
™º ™º what it do Lucas brothers ♺ I got the whole day planned out.
We gonna pregame at your goofy-looking friend Jerrod's bar, then we gonna go to the park, shoot guns into the sky, and then we hitting the club to pick up some white women.
Dude, what's gotten into mom? I don't know, she's acting and looking like - a completely different person.
- Yeah, but I like it.
- I agree.
- Let's hang out with her.
Happy Willdependence Day! [Gunshots] [Dance music playing] ™º Hop on it.
Hop on it.
™º ™º Hop on ™º Who wants shots? I'm buying.
I got that church money.
[Cheering] Now, let's see if this jukebox got any Keith sweat on it.
Hey, Lucas brothers.
Who's the cool light-skinned lady? - Oh, this is our mom.
- Wait, what? That's not your mom.
Your mom's dark-skinned and mean.
- Not anymore.
- She's light-skinned and nice.
Oh, snap! They do got Keith sweat.
Yeah, but aren't you guys the least bit concerned that your mom's been replaced? By a new, cooler, light-skinned mom? Nah, dude, it worked for the Fresh Prince.
Was Will skeptical about Aunt Viv? - Nope, he was a-okay with it.
- Just like we are.
Hmm something doesn't seem right about this.
Jerrod, can you please stop being the voice of reason? Let's just roll with it.
Jerrod: Whoa, whoa, what's going on? [Electric whirring] Kenny: Yo, these are the craziest fireworks I've ever seen.
Keef: I don't think those are fireworks.
™º ™º [Electric whirring] Both: Whoa, that's cool.
Oh, schnarp.
It's the Lucas brothers! - Hey, what's happening right now? - I don't know.
[Chuckles] Dude, I can't believe we're actually meeting these dudes in person.
Oh my do you think they'll smoke with us? Yeah, they'll smoke with us.
- Yo, real quick question - Who are you guys? - I'm Toni.
- I'm Tonã©.
- And I'm Tony.
- And we're space aliens.
From the planet Omarion.
Aw, man, that's so cool.
Omarion's an awesome name for a planet.
Oh, we know.
That's why we named it that.
We were gonna call it Planet Lil' Bow Wow, but we're like, "I don't know, Omarion sounds sinister.
" Cool.
So what are you guys doing here? Uh [laughs] we're your biggest fans.
Yeah, we watch you every week on TV.
- What do you mean? - Uh [clears throat] Has it ever occurred to you ♺ ♺ that the small marble of humanity that is human life is nothing more than the entertainment for us, space aliens? - Yeah.
- Yeah, we were just talking about that, - like, two minutes ago.
- Absolutely.
So what are you guys doing on Earth? Well, we wanted to see what's going on with your new mom.
- What up? - Damn, she looking fine.
Oh, snap.
Y'all had something to do with new, light-skinned mom? Yeah, well we replaced her.
- Why? - 'Cause your old mom was, like, mean, - and she wanted you to go to church.
- And church is boring.
- Yeah, totally.
- Church is the worst.
No one wants to watch that on Willdependence Day.
We want that classic Lucas brothers hijinks that all us aliens love.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
Hey, since we're already down here on Earth, would you guys mind taking us to check out the rest of your set? - You mean our apartment? - Yes.
Oh, dude, that would be derp.
- That would be derp.
- That would be so derp, dude.
Hey, mom.
We'll be back.
We're gonna go hang out with our alien friends.
- Okay, that sounds fine.
- Man, new mom is so cool.
She doesn't care what we do or who we do it with.
Hey, you wanna smoke some space weed? - That'd be cool.
- Oh, you know we got that dank dank.
- [Chuckles] Definitely.
- What's "dank dank"? And, like, stop me if this is, like, too crazy - I will.
- but do you ever think that, like, - there's aliens watching us? - Yep, that's all I think about.
I think about that a lot, actually.
That seems like it would be cra Like, that's not believable to me.
[Beeping] Oh, schnarp! It's 7:00, dude.
We gotta get out of here.
We don't want to miss you guys on TV.
[Car chirps] I'll see you on the flip side, flipping on your side.
W-Wait.
We almost forgot.
Before you guys leave, can you bring our original mom back? Yeah, you know.
We got to miss church, which is cool, but now we need her for everything else.
Yeah, she reminds us to pay our bills and stuff.
See? [Beeps] Momma Lucas: What up? Pay your Netflix bill.
[Beeps] What up? Pay your Xbox Live bill.
[Beeps] What up? Renew your American Airlines Admiral Clubs membership.
You know what it is.
Holla at your mom.
See? We need her to survive.
- Sorry, no can do, Lucas brothers.
- Yeah [chuckles] you see, after we replace the original moms, the old moms, they get sent to prison on the mothership.
- Wait, prison? - Is there any way that we can get her back? Hm Well, there is one thing that you could do.
- For real? - What? You could save her.
- Oh, that's a good idea.
- How do we do that? All you gotta do, is go to the mothership.
- Mm-hmm, which is at the world's fair.
- The one from "Men in Black"? Yeah, it's right around the corner, in Queens.
If you take your van it's probably like, uh - 15 earth minutes.
- You know, one hot Mars minute.
Oh, man, we gotta go to Queens.
That sucks.
- All right, let's go save mom.
- But only this one time.
I don't want to have to do this again.
Now that is classic Lucas Bros' hijinks right there.
[Chirps] ♺ ♺ - Hey, Kenny.
- Yeah, Keef? You know what the difference is between you and me? - What? - I make this look good.
W-What do you make look good? I haven't really figured that much out.
- I'm guessing it's the glasses.
- That works for me.
♺ ♺ [Growling] Yo, dude, how are we gonna get past all these alien guards? - "WWJDD.
" - What would Jaden's dad do? Yep.
What would Will Smith do? Big Willy would dance.
Whoa - That's a wonderful idea.
- Thanks, Will Smith.
- One more thing.
- What? I'm a ghost.
- That was crazy.
- He was Bagger Vance.
I told you Will Smith died in "Bagger Vance.
" Hey aliens, check this out.
[Growls] We're about to dance.
[Funk music playing] ™º We're gonna get mom back ♺ ™º We're the Lucas brothers ♺ ™º We're gonna get mom back ♺ ™º Saving dark-skinned mothers ♺ Now freeze! [Beeping] So, this mother ship is nice, I guess.
- It's like a womb.
- Yeah, it feels like a womb.
- The wom-b.
- You don't pronounce the "b".
- I-I pronounce it.
- Why? Because I can.
[Laughs] Oh, do you see mom around here? - Nope.
Oh, no, wait.
There she is.
- Damn.
[Electronic pulsing, flushing] [Thud] Oh, hey, mom.
Y'all really gonna recast me and think I wouldn't notice? You think America wouldn't notice? Don't tell me y'all replaced me with a light-skinned woman.
Y'all have no decorum.
It wasn't our fault, mom.
It was Tony, Toni, Tonã©.
No, no, no.
Don't y'all bring Raphael Saadiq into this.
[Alarm blaring] [Roaring] - Oh, hell nah.
- Darn it, we forgot about the mechanical spider from "Wild Wild West.
" All right, we gotta get out of here.
Don't rush me.
I got bad knees.
[Roars] [Screams] Let's get out of here! Momma Lucas: Don't stop for anything! Whoa.
[Momma Lucas screaming] [Beeping] [Faster beeping] [Sirens blaring] [Screaming] I'm Mike Lowrey.
[Screaming] Oh, snap.
[Yelling] Whoa.
♺ ♺ [Roaring] Shit just got real.
[Whirring up] Oh, man, we're definitely gonna die this time.
But at least if we die, we don't gotta go to church.
Yeah, but if we go to heaven, that's kind of like going to church forever.
Damn it.
I hope we go to hell.
Hey, Lucas brothers, I'm back! Light-skinned mom! - Hey, it's light-skinned mom.
- You think I'd just let you die? [Laughs] I'm the Lucas brothers' mom.
Man, new, light-skinned mom was a true warrior.
Some might even say, the Ultimate Warrior.
Man, remember when the Ultimate Warrior beat Hulk Hogan? That was Wrestlemania 6.
- It was a little boring.
- It was a little boring.
- But, Ultimate Warrior's dope.
- Yeah.
I miss Ultimate Warrior.
Oh, yeah.
Back to the story.
[Both chuckling] Man, this was the best Willdependence Day ever.
Hey, original, dark-skinned mom who's mean, - would you die for us? - Hell no, I'm not dying for you.
Will Smith was right, parents just don't understand.
™º It ain't nothing but a party going on ♺ I make this look good.
Now that [clapping] is classic [clapping] [All] Lucas brothers hijinks right there.
There's a lot of aliens.
- Meryl Streep's an alien.
- Mm-hmm.
- Anne Hathaway's an alien.
- Yeah.
Jared leto, he's an alien.
From planet, holy shit I'm gonna smoke his dick.
[Laughs] - Tell me about it.
- I wanna [bleeps] that dude.
[All laughing] - What network are you guys on? - Oh, snap.
[Laughing]