M.O.D.O.K. (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[wind howling]
[M.O.D.O.K.] What's this?
It's your utopia, M.O.D.O.K.
-[Fin Fang Foom laughs]
-[A.I.M. agents cheering]
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
I did it! I conquered the--
-[alarm buzzes]
-[groaning]
Shut up!
Okay. So we don't need to hit me.
[M.O.D.O.K. gasps] I forgot
it's my first weekend with the kids!
I can't have Jodie
seeing the apartment like this.
I have four hours
to whip this place into shape.
You have not made a lot of progress.
Why did the killer who lived here before
us have to be the "Bloodstain Killer"?
The stain is so juicy.
You should be doing this.
Mmm. I don't do floors.
-[knocking]
-[gasps]
[M.O.D.O.K.] Hey, guys.
Dad, this place is incredible.
Such dark hallways.
What an absolute sanctuary
for migraine sufferers.
Uh, is this where we wait for the shuttle
that takes us to your apartment?
No, this is the apartment.
It's his funky little boho space,
and I love it.
Ugh! It smells like soup here.
Yes, everyone in this building
makes a lot of soup.
No matter what time of day it is.
Oh, is this original wallpaper? How--
No, it's just very intricate water damage.
-It's beautiful.
-You're beautiful. Can I move back in?
You guys, this bed murphys? Wonderful.
Really opens up the room.
Yes, thank you, Lou.
I am loving all these murphy elements.
And you can hear every spring
and gear working, which I appreciate.
Okay, am I seeing this right?
Does the toilet… [screams]
Okay.
The water just comes
right out of the toilet.
-Don't leave me here. Take me with you!
-Sweetheart, I have to promote my book.
Besides, it's your father's weekend,
and this is how it has to work now.
God, that soup smell is so strong.
It's like I'm in a hot chicken fog.
I have to get out of here.
Uh, just before you got here,
I heard them kill that chicken.
So you know that soup's gonna be fresh.
Is Dad's the best or what?
-[gunshots]
-[neighbor screams]
-Oh, my God.
-[siren wailing]
Dinner!
I thought you said you were
making Mom's enchiladas rancheras.
That's what this is.
So the itinerary for the weekend
is jam-packed.
First off, I've always wanted to know
how water treatment facilities work.
I assume you're the same.
So I've arranged for us to have a tour
of a library where we can
read books on the subject.
After that, soup for lunch at any
of my neighbors'.
Then five hours of dedicated
rat catching time.
Heads up, there are a lot of rats.
So these will be hard hours.
-M.O.D.O.K.!
-Die, corporate scum!
-[rats squeaking]
-Dang! It's a hologram.
Lou, track 'em. Watch where they go.
We'll get them later.
Whoa, Modes, you're doing
a poverty-themed escape room.
Hope you get out.
That place looks like it sucks!
It's my let-loose-in-the-city
pied-à-terre.
It's got great flow.
Anyway, I'm h-gramming you to see
why you aren't here at the airport.
-What?
-Come on, brother.
The GRUMBL Leadership Conference.
All the executives from dozens
of GRUMBL-owned companies
are meeting this weekend at Boca Caliente,
the world-famous island resort.
This is the first I'm hearing
of a leadership conference.
I've sent a lot of emails to your
GRUMBL account. It goes to Outlook.
I don't use Outlook.
Too cool.
We can't have a leadership conference
without the great M.O.D.O.K.
I have my kids this weekend.
Bring 'em. Come on, M.O.D.O.K.
You're the guest of honor.
Tonight's the welcome reception, and
there's a keynote address on leadership.
I cannot wait to hear
what you're going to say.
Guest of honor?
Maybe that wouldn't be so bad for
the kids to see their dad in his element.
But things here are going
pretty great too.
-Rat-Ladies, please!
-[straining]
There's plenty of Lou to go around.
-Huh? Pretty nice, right?
-Wow!
Melissa, can I get a "wow"
or a "whoa" or a chef's kiss?
Wow!
-I am here.
-So you are.
Check me in!
I'd love to.
He doesn't know who you are, Dad.
You have to tell him your name.
Nonsense! He knows who I am.
I am so sorry.
I'm the guest of honor, Melissa.
This man doesn't need me
to tell him I'm M.O.D.O.K.
M.O.D.O.K.! It goes without saying.
It goes without spelling. M.O.D.O.K.
M-O-D-O-K, not C.
Ah, yes. Mr. M.O.D.O.K., sir.
Ah, yes. I am M.O.D.O.K.
You-- You caught me, yes.
Okay,
I have you in a partial ocean view room.
As requested.
I don't wanna be bludgeoned all night
with deafening wave sounds.
Paddle boarding.
Couple's cliffside massage.
A Bulgari store. I am doing all of this.
Ooh, sorry. I only have ones and fives.
[laughs]
Whoa!
[sighs]
Holy smokes! How plush and
enticingly short are these robes?
Do yourself a favor, Melly,
crane your neck out that window,
look hard right
and take in that ocean view!
Mmm, yeah, I don't want to.
What is your deal?
Do you not wanna be here?
Yeah, I don't.
I think I was pretty clear about that.
I wanna be home at Mom's house.
This is better than Mom's house!
I'll say! There's, like,
three types of moisturizer here.
I'm gonna take these shower caps now
so the maid replenishes them tomorrow.
And that's an LLT: Little Lou Trick.
Time to go to the welcome reception.
I've had no time to prepare
my speech on leadership,
except that I've been preparing
for it, oh, about my whole life!
Dad, I want nothing more than to support
you right now, but I need to be here,
placing calls on the phone
that hangs above the toilet.
-I'm so sorry.
-Fine. Melissa, let's go.
I'm staying here.
[Lou] Time to test these sheets
on my young, naked body.
There's food downstairs, right?
[chattering]
[Melissa] Whoa!
There's actually
some pretty big players at this thing.
That's Goose Brunton.
He and seven friends co-founded Pufugugu,
the app where you take a picture of your
food and a filter puts buzzing flies
to make your food look like
a steaming pile of crap.
GRUMBL just bought them
for a hundred billion dollars.
-What?
-How many billions did A.I.M. go for?
Oh, waiter. More mushroom tartlets.
I've already eaten, like, 30 of these.
Yes, I know.
Dad, who are they?
The GRUMBL Board of Directors.
Extremely powerful.
If I'm ever gonna get A.I.M. back,
it's imperative that I impress them.
[chokes]
The presentation is about to begin.
We'll have a small word
from a special celebrity guest.
Then the welcome address
to kick off the leadership conference.
You ready, M.O.D.O.K.?
Completely.
Melissa, take my plate to our table.
Ah, uh, ah. And these short rib sliders.
Oh, this is going to slay.
This is amazing.
[woman on PA]
To introduce tonight's speaker,
we have the one and only,
the wickedly talented,
Mr. Tony Stark.
-[crowd cheering]
-Die, scum man!
Crap, it's a hologram!
While I've accepted GRUMBL's
significant appearance fee,
I do not endorse
your loathsome conglomerate.
In fact, I send my hologram as my proxy
because I am, at this very moment,
actively working to dismantle
your whole disgusting company.
[crowd cheering]
He's talking about us. That's so cool.
And now, for our welcome address,
someone we all respect
so much and look up to--
-The dictionary defines leader as--
-Me!
Wait! What did you say?
I'm giving the leadership address.
[gasps] Oh,
did you think you were giving it?
-[crowd laughs]
-You said there's a speech.
You said, "I can't wait
to hear what you're going to say."
About my speech.
-I love feedback.
-[crowd cheering]
-But I'm the guest of honor.
-I see the confusion.
You're not here to teach leadership,
M.O.D.O.K.
You're here to learn it.
You're the guest of honor, yes,
which means you're the guest
we're most honored to see improved.
[crowd laughing]
[chuckles]
Okay, hugely embarrassing,
but I think I've maintained some dignity.
Mr. M.O.D.O.K., I asked,
but unfortunately hotel management
said there's no wiggle room on our policy.
You cannot go in the hot tub if you've
had diarrhea in the past 14 days!
-Why are you doing this now?
-[crowd laughing]
I took it as far up the chain as I could.
I asked everyone. I used your name.
I said, "Mr. M.O.D.O.K.'s got diarrhea."
That's what I said!
I'm gonna blast a hole to the Earth's
core and raise up a volcano.
We'll see how hard everyone's laughing
with their mouths full of lava!
Dad, that's just what they want you to do.
Of course. These sickos.
They want to be melted into goo.
They get off on it.
No, I mean they're trying to make you
throw a fit and act out.
In front of the Board.
The Board. I have to impress them.
They're my only chance
of getting rid of Austin.
Actually, I keep thinking about it,
and I think this whole thing
is a setup from Austin.
Using an email account
he knew you wouldn't check,
the misleading phrasing
of his last-minute invitation.
It's exactly the kind of
slick gaslight I would pull.
It's like when my friend Roxanne
wore purple, my color, forbidden,
so I made her think she was going insane
by hiring a guy to dress as Grimace
and stand in her bedroom window at night.
She hates purple now, by the way.
I see. These wicked games,
you know them better than I do.
You need to help me.
I already helped you
by telling you not to do a volcano.
More help! Bigger help!
To force these people
to like me and crave my approval!
[sighs]
I'll help you on one condition.
I don't have to spend weekends
at your place anymore.
Sure, sure. Anything.
And you have to do whatever I tell you.
I'm in charge.
-Oh, yeah, boss.
-Okay.
If we wanna undo what just happened,
we're gonna have to start
by playing nice with people.
You got it, chief. Nice.
Care to join us for horse golf tomorrow,
M.O.D.O.K.?
Not in one million years, suit.
Now creep away.
Actually, we'd love to.
You heard her.
We're looking forward to it immensely.
Now walk away,
knowing that your kind invitation
has made you forever dear to me.
[Melissa] All right, Dad.
We'll have these execs eating
out of your hand by the end of this,
but you gotta be friendly,
you gotta be fun.
Today, this mental organism
is designed only for kibitzing.
M.O.D.O.K., you made it.
Who is this?
My caddie.
Who I've never seen before in my life?
-Mm-hmm. No.
-Oh, we're not lying about that.
It's-- It's my daughter.
My caddie is my daughter.
Right. Well,
let's pick our horses and get started.
[whinnies]
Look at the paws on that Clydesdale! Dibs!
Don't worry, boy.
My legs are locked in all around you.
I'm not going anywhere.
[whinnies]
But before we tee off,
did you have any opening remarks
for us, M.O.D.O.K.?
[executives laughing]
Oh, relax, big guy.
It's a joke.
[whinnies]
-That's how you get ahead.
-Perfect shot.
I don't know how to play
this ridiculous game, Melly.
Don't worry about playing well.
That's not what we're doing today.
Oh, what are we doing today?
Figuring out their weaknesses,
then using that against them
to make them crave your approval.
Take him. If you really focus,
he'll tell you what buttons to push.
Bingo! He's lost weight,
but he's still self-conscious about it.
So I should call him fat. Genius.
[chuckles] No. Ask the other two how
they stay in such good shape.
[gasps] That's so mean.
How do you two do it?
You're so trim. [chuckles]
You make guys like us look bad.
[laughs]
[Melissa] She waxes between her eyebrows.
Hey, I have tweezers in my chair,
by the way.
What? Why?
[Melissa] When other people make jokes,
he gets anxious that he's not funny.
Ah, you're salt of the earth, my friend.
It's nice to be around someone
who isn't always on.
[whinnies]
His name is Brad. Call him Ben.
Point out how hard she's trying.
Take a low-angle group photo
of everyone to make them uneasy.
And stop waving that thing
so close to my face. God.
You've broken them, Dad.
Now they'll flock to you.
They were playing horseless golf.
I mean, are we cavemen?
Am I in the Savage Land right now?
-We gotta hang at the party tonight.
-[laughs]
You have to be there or we'll die.
Just relax. I'll be there.
[male exec 2]
Oh, that M.O.D.O.K. is giving me life.
[male exec 1] I didn't like that guy,
but now I love him.
Yeah, I have your two cribs
and the trundle bed you ordered.
Bellissima!
Is there anything else I can get brought
to the room that I might not know about?
We offer complimentary wheelchairs,
I guess.
Oh, Lou wanty.
I'll take as many
as you can fit in Bedworld.
Mom's on TV!
Jodie, let's talk about your book.
Love it! But as a single father
with two demon baby hands,
I have to say,
I had a hard time holding it.
Any tips out there
for other people like me?
Well, you'll just have to
buy the audiobook. [chuckles]
-[laughing]
-[screaming]
-Oh, my God!
-[crowd gaps]
Shut up! It's fine!
It's a demon!
You look lovely, my caddie.
Shut up.
-Shall we?
-[chuckles]
-[male exec 1] Hey, M.O.D.O.K.!
-Look at me, M.O.D.O.K.!
M.O.D.O.K.!
I did it.
I played the social game, and now I won.
Surely they'll demand I perform
my speech from yesterday.
That'll impress my soon-to-be BFFs,
the Board!
What?
This is an outrage.
What are you doing?
You can't just try to blast
all your problems away.
-You're playing the long game now.
-I don't want to!
You said you'd listen to me.
We'll get your stupid company back, okay?
Whoa! It's the shrimp toast man!
Hey, everybody. What up?
-[crowd cheers]
-Hey! I love this.
Well, I hate the long game.
I need a fast and splashy plan
to make everyone love me.
Brain Time!
GRUMBL doubts my ability to lead.
And I know from a second visit
to the dictionary
that leaders are often found
in times of crisis.
Ergo, if a crisis happened here,
I could rescue everyone and assert
myself as a leader in record time.
Since I remembered to pack
my portable portal device,
it should be child's play to summon
a nasty alien to the party.
Another successful Brain Time complete.
Lots of dangerous alien worlds,
but which one is right for me?
Too slimy. Too sexy.
Having a big head is my thing.
Oh! The Brood.
Crazy scary, scary crazy
and susceptible to my mind blasts.
This will do nicely.
[growling]
-Where were you?
-Where was I?
I was-- Wait, what's happening?
[all gasp]
It's some kind of portal!
Did you do something?
Are you trying an unapproved plan?
Melly, no.
Some maniac's opened a
portal to the Broodworld!
Austin, mind blast them with your jewel!
What? You can't? You don't have one?
Don't worry! I'll save us!
[all gasp]
Hey, party people!
-You like to get down? 'Cause we sure do.
-[dance music playing]
What the… [bleep]
That's not the Brood.
I connected to the Broodworld.
Why did I get Ciegrimites?
Snail-like anthropoids,
master distillers, hedonists.
What-- What are you?
We're the Ciegrimites, baby!
Ooh! Look at me dance.
Tonight is what it means to be alive.
Are you dangerous?
Not at all.
And I can prove it.
Proof is in the pudding, yo!
Yes.
[dance music continues]
Yes! Yes! Yes!
We have to party with
these things right now.
Whoo-hoo!
[both kissing]
These creatures are amazing!
Great news, everyone!
You can have sex with them!
-[crowd cheering]
-[Ciegrimite 1] Oh, yeah!
What a brilliant stroke of fun-making
leadership.
Austin, did you do this?
It was me! I brought them here!
I am the one responsible
for this party of the century!
-[crowd cheers]
-Oops.
Thanks for ignoring my
advice and lying to me about it.
It was time to be bold, Melly.
You'll understand when you're older.
The long game is for suckers.
[sighs] I have a party to lead.
How we doing? Having fun, I hope.
Hey, M.O.D.O.K.
just wants you to have a good time.
That's my name. This is my party.
I brought the aliens.
Should I order pizzas?
Hey, DJ! Play "One Headlight"
'cause Austin's being a real wallflower.
-But don't actually. It'll kill the party.
-Over here!
[male exec 1] Beach ball!
Yeah! Slap that thing!
-Whoo!
-[crowd] Aw.
I'll get it! The party continues!
[groans]
The Broodworld.
So I did connect to the right planet.
-Uh, a little help?
-Listen closely.
The Ciegrimites--
Are great.
They never tire.
They never stop partying.
Oh, the best. So fun.
Until every living thing is dead.
[groaning]
I can't believe she didn't pop it.
[dance music continues]
These guys killed the Brood?
They just don't seem dangerous.
-I gotta catch my breath.
-Limbo! Limbo!
-Lower!
-Well, okay.
Let's go for it. [screams, groans]
You call that low?
Come on!
Well, looks like I got
this beach ball for nothing.
Also-- Oh, shit!
I want this night to go on forever!
Oh, my favorite song!
I love this jam!
[laughs]
Uh-oh. This party went from total blowout
to total diaper blowout.
Hey, why don't you go up
to your room, bud?
-Call it a night?
-[sobbing] I'm gonna dance forever.
Oh, yeah.
P-p-p-party foul.
Oh, and of course the Board sees all.
Although, maybe they like
this party where everyone's dying?
Dang! Okay, it's blasting time.
Hey, Ciegrimites! You love the night life?
You've got to boogie
on the disco of death!
Oh, that felt amazing. I'm tingling.
Ciegrimites can't be blasted?
[chuckles] Give me another blast.
I'm so close.
Absolutely not!
This facial is everything.
And that pan flute music is live.
[phone rings]
[M.O.D.O.K.] Hey, girl.
You're my girl.
But also randomly the Ciegrimites
are partying everyone to death.
The Board is watching. It's a bad scene.
I don't know what to do. Help.
Oh, totally. No problem.
Since you love taking my advice.
Listen really closely, okay, Dad?
I'll tell you exactly what to do.
[muffled yelling, bleeping]
[gasps] That language.
That's not the sweet Melissa I know.
Oh, it's 100% pure Melissa.
Mental Entity Living to Induce
Seriously Sinister Anarchy.
That's not what your name stands for.
You were named after Melissa Etheridge,
and you know it!
-[line drops]
-She hung up on me.
[laughs] Oh, yeah!
-[Ciegrimite 2] Drink! Drink!
-You're not even listening to me.
[gags, vomits]
Well, if Melissa won't help me,
I'll just use my powerful brain
to create a perfect simulacrum
of her entire consciousness.
[imitating Melissa] "Oh, M.O.D.O.K.--
I mean, oh, Dad, you're so great.
And I'm sorry I was so unreasonable."
That's all I've ever wanted to hear.
"Remember my trick from horse golf?"
I do. I do remember that trick.
Okay, here we go.
Oh, nice. The background's dropping out.
Things are nice and slow.
Mind, what is the meaning of these
increasingly deep butt drops?
Present findings in text form.
Interesting. Let's scan another.
This time, let's have the text appear one
letter at a time, like it's being typed.
Love that effect. Easier to read.
They have the same weakness. They all do.
They need to be the wildest.
They're insecure,
which makes them competitive.
That guy, right there,
is the life of the party!
Oh, yeah, yeah.
This isn't the kind of music
you usually dance to, is it?
What?
It's cool you have a shell.
It's great to be safe.
You know, to play it safe.
No!
-We're the Ciegrimites!
-Me too!
Oh, yeah?
Well, none is freakier than I, Bizrumel.
Look only at my body!
It's working. And I think Bizrumel
must be that one's name.
Drink! Drink! Drink!
And now the solution that everyone
keeps telling me doesn't work:
the one and only, my mind blast.
[all screaming]
Now that's what I call leadership!
[crying]
Come on, everybody.
Big smiles for the Board.
[male exec 2] Oh, my God.
-Oh, Mr. M.O.D.O.K.!
-[groans] This guy.
I must loudly apologize!
The hotel was unable to relax our policy
on viewing pornography
in the business center!
Dear God! Stop yelling!
I'm so sorry you weren't able to
visit the following wonderful sites!
"Desperate elderlies--"
Stop! Get me the bill!
Thanks again, Melly.
Your technique worked great.
Oh, congratulations.
You killed a bunch of horny alien slugs.
I did do that.
Your tone is confusing to me.
Of course it is.
Oh.
Oh.
What?
Eh… [sighs] Nothing.
Let's go home.
Oh, amazing trip.
Next time, let's go to Paris.
I can really see myself
never leaving the hotel room there.
Okay, see you in two weeks, Dad.
I know we had a deal.
You don't have to come back
to my apartment if you don't want,
but I won't hold you to it
if you'd rather back out and still come.
I know I had a lot of fun at horse golf.
Yeah.
A deal's a deal though.
I don't have to come, right?
Yeah. A deal's a deal.
So I guess it's the long game then.
[Austin scatting]
We obtained another of M.O.D.O.K.'s
devices, a planetary portal.
He suspects nothing.
[in unison] Excellent.
The end of his usefulness draws near.