MacGyver (2016) s02e14 Episode Script
Mardi Gras Beads + Chair
1 [WIND HOWLING.]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
Keep your foot on that! I want to hear you say it! It was a bad idea getting in this thunder box! Hey, if you want to leave, the door is right there.
This mission was supposed to be easy.
Fly to a beautiful island nation, crash a government shindig and get proof of a brewing coup d'etat.
Which we did! Mission accomplished! Mission not accomplished! Number one: we just found evidence that not one, but two generals were planning to overthrow the government.
Not exactly a good idea to wait out the storm in a building locked with them, okay? And number two - Hey! Do me a favor! - Huh? You keep number one and number two out of this, you hear me? All right, fair enough.
That was a bad choice of words.
That was definitely the worst choice you made in the last 20 minutes.
[GRUNTING.]
MACGYVER: The structural integrity of these things is actually pretty solid, because of the one-piece molding, the-the lightweight polymer.
Portable toilet facts? Really? That's the last thing that I'm gonna hear before I die? We're not gonna die! We're not gonna die! Okay? We're gonna be fine.
I don't think we're in agreement on what the word "fine" means.
Okay, okay, all right, fine! You're right.
It was a bad idea! Probably one of the worst ideas I've ever had.
[SIGHS.]
But I'm allowed to be wrong every now and then, aren't I? I don't disagree, but this time, it may be the last time.
So, dinner's going great, man.
She's laughing, I'm laughing.
Then about halfway through, Bruce Willis's name comes up.
- I'm not really sure how.
- I could imagine why.
So, she looks at me deadpan straight-faced and goes, "Bruce Willis? Was that the old guy from The Expendables?" - Did she say it like that? - It's not how - she said it, it's what she said.
- And what'd you say? - I said, "Check, please.
" - Hold on.
No second date? - No way.
- All right.
No.
Stop.
- You got to stop doing this.
- Stop doing what? Coming up with ridiculous reasons to stop dating people.
That's not a ridiculous reason.
Okay, let me put it this way.
How many dates have you been on - the last year? - I don't know, man.
I ain't counting.
But my Tinder profile is pretty en fuego.
How many have been second dates? - Not that many.
- Look, we both know what happened this time last year.
What? Oh, come on, Mac.
This has nothing to do with that.
Really? Your clear refusal to even try and have a meaningful connection with a woman over the last year has nothing to do with Sarah getting married, which, coincidentally, - was just over a year ago? - Nope.
[SIGHS.]
Sarah is happily married, man.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you still won't let yourself - move on.
- Hey, I'm moving on just fine.
Don't you worry about that, okay? It's not my fault that most of the women I've met recently don't have that special something.
I'm not that picky.
All she has to do is be smart and beautiful.
And-and know some Krav Maga and be able to handle herself in a firefight.
You know, that's a real asset.
No one is ever going to be Sarah, but comparing everyone else in the world to her is unfair to them, and more importantly, it's unfair to you.
What do I need a girlfriend for anyway, man? You ain't got one.
- Not for lack of trying.
- And neither does Bozer.
We get to do what we want, when we want.
Bachelors ain't got to answer to nobody, man.
It's awesome.
Hey, what's up? Bam! Ooh.
Mama looks pissed.
- Excuse me? - Well, I'm just saying, you don't look as-as sunshiny as usual.
Okay, I would like for you to switch to your inner voice now.
- Okay.
- I'm serious, Jack.
All right.
What's going on? Yeah, is this about Murdoc? MATTY: I wish, but unfortunately, it's about another notorious figure from the past.
- Who? - Someone I thought I'd buried a decade ago.
Duke Jacoby.
Ooh, no way.
How is that even possible? Wait.
Am-am I supposed to know who this person is or? Yeah.
What is he? A drug dealer? Gunrunner? Is he a mercenary? Depends on the day of the week.
BOZER: Uh, why does Duke Jacoby have Jack's face? It's one of my old CIA covers, Bozer.
MATTY: After Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans was basically the Wild West, so while law enforcement was busy reinstating order in the streets Duke was sent in to keep an eye on all the sinister activity going on in and around the Port of New Orleans.
With Duke's help, the Agency was able to disrupt over 100 criminal and terrorist plots.
Yeah.
I mean, he was one of the best CIA covers, like, ever.
He was also one of the most expensive - CIA covers, like, ever.
- Yeah.
So much so that the top brass considered having him assassinated.
They called it "Operation Budget Cuts.
" Well, by that point, I almost wish they did kill him off.
I-I hated being that guy.
Okay, but if Jack is Duke, and Jack is here, then how exactly has Duke resurfaced in New Orleans? - Yeah.
- I don't know, Bozer, but two days ago, someone started reactivating Duke's digital footprint in NOLA Opening new bank accounts, unfreezing old credit cards, accessing his DMV records.
How'd this person get all this info on a CIA cover? And what are they planning on doing with it? Well, that is exactly what I'm taking Mac and Jack to New Orleans to find out.
You're coming with us? That's how serious this is.
All right.
Riley, I need you here, combing through both the Phoenix and CIA networks.
Find out if someone hacked in and stole Duke's info.
Okay.
I'll be sure to bring you back some beignets, Riley.
MATTY: Actually, Bozer, you're staying here to work on another assignment.
Then you'll assist Riley in the war room.
- Mm! - So I guess you can pick us up some donuts.
MATTY: All right, people, we've got work to do.
Mac, Jack, wheels up in 20.
- Yeah.
- Yes, ma'am.
[UPBEAT FRENCH MUSIC PLAYING.]
JACK: Man, it's weird being back here.
I was really hoping Duke had said good-bye - to this place for good.
- [STREETCAR BELL DINGS.]
You've been checking over your shoulder ever since we got here.
I'm guessing - Duke had some enemies.
- You know that old-school white pages phone book I have at my house? Yeah.
The one that I told you to get rid of because - it's pretty much useless.
- Yeah.
That's the one.
Well, Duke made enough enemies to fill two of 'em.
Just showing my face around here is a risk.
Okay, to be fair, Dalton, showing your face - anywhere is a risk.
- I'm just saying.
Okay, now where are you taking us? I'm taking you right to the source.
[DOOR BELLS TINKLE.]
I call upon the spirits of the beyond and ask that they give me the power of sight! [WOMAN GASPS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
You can drop the act, Willy.
You ain't fooling anybody.
Except for maybe these yahoos.
WOMAN: What? Show's over.
Everyone out.
You have got a lot of nerve coming in here, Jacoby.
I'm still quicker with a blade than you are, old man.
- [LAUGHING.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Hey, you old - salty dog.
- How are you, Duke? - I'm doing good.
Good to see you.
- [LAUGHING.]
Guys, this is Willy.
He is king of the Big Easy underground.
Nothing goes on in this town without him knowing about it, and more often than not, he's got a piece of the action, ain't that right? Well, a man's got to eat, Duke.
JACK: You're right.
Uh, can I help you? Sorry.
I was just trying to see how you made the flame so big, but now I see the modified butane lighters and the flash powder for a kick, yeah? Underneath the sleeves.
That's what I would've done.
Uh, who the hell is this, Duke? Well, these two are my associates, Will.
Are you in town long, man? Only long enough to find out who's been running around town pretending to be me.
You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Well, I would love to help you out, Duke, but first, there's the small matter of the five grand you owe me from that business with the Dominicans.
Right.
Here you go.
MATTY: I see now why you haven't mentioned this place before, Duke.
Just tell us what you know, will you? I'm sorry, Duke.
I-I wish I knew something, but I haven't seen anybody pretending to be you.
Copy that.
Thanks.
It's good to see you.
Let's go.
However, I did see your wife, and, man, she's a knockout.
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
She's a real peach, huh? You haven't seen her around, have you? Yes, I'd like to find her right now.
I imagine Dixie Lee's at your new place, Duke.
You do remember where your new place is, right? Because if, by some odd chance, you've forgotten your own address, I'd be happy to remind you [CLEARS THROAT.]
for a small fee, of course.
Of course.
You know, I'm a little a little light.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
Matty, give me a little scratch, will you? Looks like Mrs.
Jacoby is not home.
- Really? - That's a shame.
I was really looking forward to meeting the old ball and chain.
Yeah.
Me, too.
MacGYVER: Look what I found.
Well, now we know what she's been doing with Duke's good credit.
Riley, you're up.
Whoa, this computer's so brand-new, there's next to nothing on it.
Well, "next to nothing" isn't nothing.
It sure isn't.
I just found a hidden folder of financial, DMV and IRS info, all belonging to Duke Jacoby.
JACK: That's great, Ri.
But we already knew Dixie Lee had that stuff on Duke.
Okay, Jack, but what about the other 16? - What? - What? 16? I just found 16 more hidden folders, containing info on 16 other CIA cover identities.
I'm sending them over now, Matty.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
Some of these are still active.
Well, that means we're looking at a much bigger breach than we originally thought.
Whoever Dixie is, we need to find her now, before she gets a whole bunch of undercover CIA operatives killed.
JACK: Man, we have searched every inch of this place, and all we've learned about my better half is that she has kick-ass taste.
- Does she, though? - I don't know.
It's not really my thing, but MacGYVER: More importantly, why would an operative who just stole 17 CIA cover I.
D.
s risk this big of a footprint? Maybe that was part of her plan.
She suspected Duke was a CIA cover, she poses as his spouse, starts making noise to see who will show up.
Well, if this is a trap, then we've already walked into it.
Look, I want to know who this lady is and where she is right now.
Riley? I'm working on it.
But I'm having a little trouble.
There's not a single active cell phone registered to either Mr.
or Mrs.
Jacoby.
Well, can you track her credit card purchases? I could, but she didn't make any purchases with Duke's credit cards.
She used them to take out cash advances at ATMs.
And before you ask about the ATM cameras, she blocked them.
Every last one of them.
She sounds like a pro.
How much cash did the missus take? Just north of 50 grand.
50 grand isn't exactly walking around cash.
- No, it is not.
- Dixie's got a hiding spot in this house somewhere.
We got to find it.
Jack, I need your cell phone.
- Huh? It's brand-new.
- You heard me.
- Jack.
- There's three phones sitting right there.
And she is my wife, so technically they're half mine.
Just use one of those.
Okay, number one, those phones are evidence.
Number two, she's not really your wife.
And number three, give Mac your damn phone.
Yeah, yeah, one, two, three, break Jack's phone, I get it.
Oh, I'm gonna need a broom.
What, are we gonna clean the place? Go get it.
Fine.
MacGYVER: So, ever since 2004, all U.
S.
currency has been printed using metallic ink.
So, more bills You don't got to smile while you're breaking it.
Sorry.
Means more metal.
Now, if we can attach the Hall effect sensor from your phone to this radio speaker Thank you.
We should have our own makeshift - metal detector.
- [METAL DETECTOR BEEPS.]
[CRACKLING.]
[METAL DETECTOR BEEPS.]
How long is this gonna take? [METAL DETECTOR BEEPS.]
MacGYVER: Got something.
Oh - What? - Hello, Mrs.
Hello, Mrs.
Jacoby.
Let me see that.
Ay, Chihuahua, yes, please.
You know, Duke's the one with kick-ass taste.
Riley, sending you a picture now of the woman who is not Jack's wife.
Yeah, but has serious potential.
Copy that.
Running facial recognition against all databases.
Got her.
Dixie Lee Jacoby's real name is Darlene Hagen, born February 19.
Oh, I spoke too soon.
I'm looking at seven I.
D.
s from seven states with seven different names, all with the same face.
Who is this woman? That's a good question.
RILEY: I don't know about the who, but I might be able to help you with the where.
She's not on any law enforcement databases.
I've been running her face against all the security cams and social media posts in New Orleans.
Ooh.
I got her walking into a jazz club on Royal 20 minutes ago.
I'm sending the address now.
All right.
Bounce.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yes, ma'am.
A-And technically, that-that's half mine.
Hey, Bozer, you alone? Looks that way.
Why? What's up? [KEYPAD BEEPS.]
I scanned the CIA's network to see if Dixie broke in to steal those cover identities.
But I didn't find any sign of a breach.
That's good news, right? Yeah, until I used that same scan on our network, and that's when things got less good.
Less good how? Just like the CIA, I found zero evidence on anyone trying to break into the Phoenix network.
But I did find some hidden, encrypted traffic heading out.
These are encrypted data streams from an unauthorized user.
A bunch of small, daily bursts, like, maybe text messages.
And then yesterday at 3:28 p.
m.
, there was a sustained transmission.
Like, maybe a phone call.
I think we have another mole in the Phoenix.
ROBOT: How curious, Bozer.
3:28 p.
m.
is precisely the same time - you were on the phone with - Thank you, narc.
[SIGHS.]
It's me.
You? I met someone.
At spy school.
Her name's Leanna.
She's amazing.
Like, amazing amazing.
But at graduation, we were ordered never to communicate with any of the other students ever again.
So instead of following this order, you decide to try and sneak unauthorized encrypted transmission to your girlfriend through the Phoenix? Bozer, are you trying to get caught? No, of course not, but love makes you do crazy things, Riley, I Oh, my God.
That's the first time I've ever admitted I'm in love with Leanna.
Well, congratulations, Bozer, but now I'm gonna have to kill you for involving me in this.
Please.
You can't tell Matty.
I don't want to.
But if she finds out I knew about this and stayed quiet Look, I'm sorry you got dragged into this, but I've never met anyone like her before, Riley.
Isn't that the same line you used on me when we first met? Leanna's different.
She's special.
I-I mean, we don't work together, so it's not awkward like it was for you and me Okay, I don't know what I'm saying.
I'm freaking out here.
Look I already made my choice.
So now I guess you got to make yours.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING.]
Well, cover me.
I'm gonna go introduce myself to my wife.
Uh, bourbon.
Neat.
Please.
And would you refill this lovely young lady's glass again for me? Thanks, but I prefer to pay for my own poison.
Yeah, if that were true, you wouldn't be here drinking on my dime.
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, hang on now.
Just relax.
Relax.
Don't you want to have a little drinky-poo with your hubby? What are we drinking to? To your last days as a free woman.
You're even cuter in person.
- Mmm.
- I like the way you do your hair.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, is that your play? Cheap compliments? Then you bat those eyelashes, and you head for the door, is that it? Wouldn't be the first time that little combo got me out of a jam.
- Mm.
- Besides, if you really wanted to turn me in, you would've brought cops.
So, what do you want, sugar? Answers.
You can start with your name and who you work for.
My name you're gonna have to earn.
And who says I work for anyone? Come on, you lifted 17 I.
D.
s.
You expect me to believe you did all that on your own? I'm a woman of many talents.
I bet.
Another one for you, Ms.
Jackoby? - It's Jac - It's Jacoby.
[LAUGHS.]
Another round for me and my husband.
And keep the change.
JACK: Ooh.
Wow.
Just like that.
Right in front of me.
Okay.
Why have money if you're not gonna spend it? Mmm, Ms.
Jacoby, you are a cute one, I'll give you that much.
Thank you.
But I think you're a plain old con artist who's in way over her head.
I think we both know there's nothing old or plain about me.
Listen, Dixie Or whatever your name is Playtime is over.
Okay? This is serious business.
You're gonna have to tell me right now how you got my identity and the 16 others.
For your own safety.
You understand? You know, most marks only care about their bank balance How much money they've lost, if they're gonna get it back.
And no one's ever followed me in person, let alone this fast.
Just tell me how you got the I.
D.
s.
And now that I think about it, there was something off about the paper trail on you and your 16 friends.
Zero fraud claims, not even a late payment.
It was a little too clean, a little too perfect.
What can I say? I'm a responsible guy.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, come on, sugar.
We both know that's not true.
I may be just a plain old con artist, but you ain't Duke Jacoby because Duke Jacoby doesn't exist.
So, why don't you start by telling me what your real name is? Duke, you got some fans looking for you.
Front door.
Ooh! Ow.
Go! Friends of yours? Yeah, Duke didn't really have friends.
You know what I'm saying? [STREETCAR BELL DINGS.]
Go get Dixie.
I got these guys.
JACK: All right.
- Move! Move! - [GASPING.]
- Stop! Stop.
- Okay.
Nice try, honey, but you're not going anywhere.
Now listen to me for a sec.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Don't move.
What's up, man? No! Get your hands off my damn wife.
MacGYVER: Hey! Matty we got a problem.
Someone just stole a lot more than Duke's identity.
[SNORING.]
[GROANS.]
Morning, sunshine.
Morning.
How long was I out? - Hmm, 30 minutes, give or take.
- [GROANS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- I already tried that.
- Yeah? - They cut the emergency release.
- Oh.
- We're good and stuck.
So, hubby, you want to tell me who these guys are? Well, it's hard to say, really.
Could be the 39ers.
Could be the Bayou Mafia.
Could be the two guys I hunted down for the Bayou Mafia.
It's dealer's choice, really.
Seriously, who are you? It it's complicated.
You know, maybe you should do a tad more research before you go pretending to be somebody's wife next time, okay? - [CAR STOPS.]
- Look, I actually don't care who you are, - or what's going on here.
- That's not very nice.
I just don't want to get in the middle of this, okay? All right? So if this is about the identities I stole, I'm sorry.
I've been conning this government IT contractor for weeks, planning to drain his 401k.
But when I got access to his computer, I found his bank accounts, credit cards, social security numbers.
I mean, I thought I hit the jackpot.
I figured y'all were just 17 people in some government database, not 17 people the government made up.
All right, look, I-I can't tell you what's going on, I'm sorry.
But I promise I'm gonna get you out of this, okay? I promise.
[SNORING.]
- Who is this guy? - No clue.
But someone sent him and eight others to grab Jack and our fake Mrs.
Jacoby.
In all the excitement, this guy got left behind.
And from what I've heard about Duke, I think it's a safe bet that whoever sent these guys is not a friend.
Great.
Which means we have yet another problem.
Because it's only a matter of time before Duke's better half realizes she's sitting on one hell of a bargaining chip.
17 freshly stolen CIA identities could fetch millions on the black market.
Yes.
So first things first: let's I.
D.
sleeping beauty here.
Riley? All right, let's see who you are.
Well, first, there's too many hits, now there's too few.
Sorry, guys, all I can tell you is this guy doesn't have a criminal record or a driver's license.
Would you like to rouse our guest? My pleasure.
Where you going? I was gonna go make some smelling salts.
Oh, never mind, Goldilocks.
I'll just do it the old-fashioned way.
Hey, sleepyhead.
How you feeling? Where did you take Duke Jacoby? BOZER: Hey, Matty.
Sorry to interrupt, but at spy school, we learned an interrogation technique for situations like this.
You start by going into his mental space - and then you want to - MATTY: Bozer.
You do realize that I wrote that entire curriculum, right? [MAN GROANS, SPEAKS ALBANIAN.]
That's Albanian, and so is he.
Riley, pull up everything - about the Albanian mob in Duke's file.
- Okay.
Oh, and Bozer, here's a tip: whenever you're in pain, you always revert to your mother tongue.
You might want to write that down.
RILEY: Well, I see a long list of dirtballs who despise Duke, but nothing about any Albanians.
So how do we find Jack? [CLICKS TONGUE.]
He may not be able to tell us where Jack is, but he might be able to show us.
[EXHALES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Little Raymond? [EXHALES.]
It's just Raymond now.
Oh, okay.
You know, the last time I saw you, your pops had you dragging Lake Pontchatoony, Pontchatong whatever You remember that? When you lost that huge drug shipment.
This guy's a moron, man.
No.
What I remember is you losing the shipment and blaming me.
Yeah, well, who can be sure about something like that after this long? I can.
I remember that entire June perfectly.
You want to know why? - Why? - 'Cause that was the month you double-crossed us.
Pops went down for racketeering.
Got 60 years in the can.
And you skipped town.
Hey, hey.
What's with the attitude? "Just Ray.
" Looks like you're running things just fine now.
You know, you should probably be thanking me for your promotion.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
I've dreamt of killing you for a long time, Jacoby.
Can't believe I actually get to be the one to do it.
Congratulations.
Don't worry.
It'll be quick.
- For the missus.
- [GASPS.]
Not so much for you.
No-no-no, wait, wait, wait a minute now.
She has nothing to do with this.
- She's not even my real wife.
- It's true.
- You got to believe him.
- You think I'm married? - I've never seen him before today.
- No.
If I'm being honest, I don't really care who you are.
- [GUN COCKS.]
- [GASPS.]
I'll give you half a million dollars.
What? Yeah, the-the 500.
Now put the gun on me.
$500,000 I stole from your old man before I split.
There you go.
I mean, y-you are family.
Technically, it's yours.
I'll just give it to you.
What $500,000? What-what are you talking about? Why do you think I would come back to this armpit? I hate New Orleans.
Do you know how many people want to kill me here? Huh? [CHUCKLES.]
I'd need a good reason.
And I got 530,000 good ones, you know what I'm saying? But, baby, we were gonna use that money - to build a house - Not right now, Dixie Cup.
- With a view of the bayou.
- Sugar Pie, Sugar Pie.
- We will work this out.
- Should of known this was gonna happen.
- Mama warned me from the start you were - Karen, no good at follow-through.
Are we still role-playing? Shut up, the both of you.
You really have $500,000 of my money? Yup.
Maybe now would be a good time for you to let me in on what you're doing.
I'm coating the cuffs in a mixture of selenium powder, cadmium oxide, and good old muriatic acid.
When blended together, they cause a reaction that emits a light at a wavelength that can only be seen by infrared cameras.
Like, say, the IR camera in one of our keyhole satellites? Exactly.
So, now, all we got to do is slide these cuffs on our large friend over there, let him think that he's escaped, and then he's either gonna run to the nearest airport or Straight back to his boss, who's holding Jack and Dixie.
Okay.
It's a long shot.
But 50/50 odds are a hell of a lot better than nothing.
Got to make this look convincing, so step one is letting him know we're gonna be moving him to a more secure location, - which will motivate him.
- [MAN GRUNTS.]
Sounds like your friend just skipped step one.
[GRUNTS.]
Well, did you get the cuffs on him? Barely.
And don't worry about me, Matty, I'll be fine.
Good.
Riley, you're up.
Get us an eye in the sky.
You know when that lunatic realizes you didn't actually steal his money, - he's gonna kill us both.
- Don't worry.
I'm working on getting my hands free.
The trick's gonna be to get close enough to one of these goons to lift a weapon.
- I might be able to help with that.
- Yeah, how's that? Mr.
Scowly over there's been patting his pockets for two hours.
He wants a cigarette, but he's out.
If I tell him I have a pack on me and offer one in exchange for a light He'll close the distance himself.
- Very clever.
- Thanks.
Smart, beautiful, brave You know, you could've been anything.
How'd you wind up doing something like this? You'd rather play "get to know you" than "get the hell out of here"? Still working on getting my hands free.
Thought we could do both.
- [SCOFFS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
I tried the legit life.
But had to be honest with myself I like life on this side of the law.
And I love my work.
It does make it hard to meet Mr.
Right, though.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Why is that funny? It's just it's just familiar.
You know, I think if we'd have met under different circumstances and-and weren't about to die I think we might've had a second date, maybe even a third.
Oh, you're assuming I'd have said yes to the first.
Hmm.
Okay.
I almost got my hands free.
- You-you about ready for that smoke? - [DOOR OPENS.]
So, I called some associates.
And guess what? Not a single person can confirm your story about the 500 grand.
But the more people I spoke to, the more it became clear you were right about one thing: there are a lot of folks in New Orleans who hate you.
And so, I made a few more calls and found a mutual acquaintance who said you left him and his brother for dead years ago.
- In a swamp? - Oh, yeah, well, I wanted to kill those two ding-dongs on the boat.
It was just more convenient to throw them overboard.
And a lot nicer, if you think about it.
Well, that's not how they see it.
Turns out these brothers dislike you so much, Duke, they're willing to pay me a cool million for the honor of killing you themselves.
It's been a real pleasure being your husband.
BOZER: Okay, Mac's infrared handcuffs are doing the trick.
Our Albanian friend just turned right on Tulane Avenue.
RILEY: But Mac was right about the chemical tags wearing off.
Color's fading fast.
I don't think we're gonna be able to track him much longer.
MATTY: This guy's our best hope at finding Jack.
I need you to pinpoint his position now.
Well, either Riley just jinxed us and the tag wore off, or he just ran into a building on Pierce Street.
[SPEAKING ALBANIAN.]
[EXPLOSION.]
Drop your weapons! Hands in the air! Get down on your knees! [SHOUTING.]
- No.
- Get him up, now! [GASPS.]
I sincerely hope y'all are friends - with my husband.
- Where is he? I don't know.
But I know somebody's paying a million dollars to kill him.
And I might be able to help you figure out who.
So how about we make a deal? Okay, according to Dixie, the Albanians are selling Jack to a couple of brothers he left in a swamp.
Let's hope Duke put something about them in the files.
Bet Jack never thought his life would hinge on his ability to fill out paperwork.
[TYPING.]
RILEY: Matty, I think we got a hit.
In 2009, Duke was transporting two Brazilian smugglers through the bayou at night, when, quote, "Things went kind of sideways, due to nobody's fault in particular, and I wound up tossing 'em both in the drink.
" Ooh.
Do these smugglers have a name? BOZER: Matheus and Gustavo Barbosa.
They blew into New Orleans after the hurricane and put down roots.
It looks like they've expanded from smuggling to real estate.
They're buying up properties all over the city Vacant lots, abandoned houses, a couple of car washes, a cemetery.
A cemetery? If I was gonna kill someone and hide the evidence, that would do the trick.
MATTY: Okay, Mac, SWAT's in place, and they're not gonna move until I give them the green light.
If our targets suspect anything suspicious, they can kill Dalton on-site.
Any signs of the Albanians or Brazilians? No.
Everyone is resting peacefully on my end.
But this place is huge, and we still don't know if this is where the deal is going down for sure.
Matty, I got eyes on the Albanians.
Headed for the south exit.
[SIREN CHIRPS.]
- Don't move! - Put your hands on the wheel! Where I can see 'em! - They're not in the vehicle! - Where is he? Duke.
Where's Duke? Don't know anyone by that name.
Where did the Barbosas take him? RILEY: Uh, Mac, there's a crazy heat plume that just popped up on the sat feed.
It's in the southwest corner of the cemetery.
Crematorium.
[NAIL GUN CLACKING.]
[GROANING.]
Hey, wait a minute, fellas! We can work something out, can't we?! Come on! [SWITCH BUZZES.]
Oh Well, Duke, I kind of always thought you'd get me killed one day.
I just didn't think it'd be today.
Mac, what are you doing? SWAT's mobilizing an assault now.
Jack can't wait, Matty.
Incinerator's already burning.
Follow his lead! Go, go, go! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
Mac, we have no idea how many hostiles are in that building.
You have a plan to deal with that? I'll worry about that once I shut off the gas.
And how do you plan to do that? After Katrina, all gas lines in New Orleans were retrofitted with emergency shutoff valves in case of another disaster.
And? [ENGINE REVVING.]
I'm about to be that disaster.
[MOUTHS.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[PANTING.]
Come on, Mac.
I need you now, buddy.
I need you now more than ever.
Mac.
Mac! Hey! Help! [ENGINE REVVING.]
[HORN HONKING.]
MAN: Go, go, go! [HONKING CONTINUES.]
Shoot him.
[GUNSHOTS.]
Drop it! Drop it! Don't you move! Get down on your knees now! Jack, I'm here! Hang on! Mac, get me out of here! I'm coming! [GRUNTING.]
[COUGHING.]
[GRUNTING.]
- You okay? - I don't know, man.
I was just on fire.
You tell me.
- You look good to me.
- Good? [COUGHS.]
Let's scratch that one off the bucket list.
What? Being burned alive, you know, I was I was kind of curious.
[PANTING.]
You're insane, man.
So are you.
[GROANS, SHOUTS.]
That was a mistake! - Mac? - [SHOUTS.]
JACK: Well, thanks for getting me out of there, buddy.
It was getting a little warm.
[GROANS.]
Easy with the tootsies there, bud.
So, what kind of gadget did you come up with to bust me out? Drove that Cadillac through the building, and then I pulled you out with my bare hands.
Sounds like I'm rubbing off on you.
What, did you run out of paper clips and bubble gum - or something? - [GRUNTS.]
Yeah.
- Something like that.
- Thanks, man.
Oh, yeah.
Cute mittens, Blondie.
Thanks.
You like my socks? No, Jack.
I was just kidding.
But, seriously, you guys are lucky to be alive.
Unfortunately, Duke Jacoby can't say the same thing, because he never made it out of that coffin.
I just got off the phone with the CIA.
Duke Jacoby is now officially KIA.
Well, that is fantastic news.
No offense.
No, none taken.
RIP.
No one's happier seeing him in the rearview mirror than me.
But, uh what's gonna happen to her? Dixie Lee Jacoby will be buried here, right alongside her husband, Duke.
But as far as the unidentified con woman in handcuffs over there, we're gonna put her skills to good use.
I just negotiated a deal to have her charges dropped in exchange for her helping the CIA to make better cover identities.
NOPD should be getting the word right about - Okay.
Copy.
- Now.
Matty, that is the nicest thing you've ever done for me thank you.
You must have left some brain cells back in that box, Dalton.
I did it for national security, not for you.
Speaking of which, the very first thing I am doing when we get home is ordering a full review of your after action reports.
Every last one.
Yeah, well, as horrible as that sounds, it's better than being barbecued alive.
I look forward to what I'm sure will be an unending ass whooping.
They told me you guys are responsible for my release.
Thank you.
Thank her.
Thank you.
Seriously.
And for what it's worth I am so sorry for everything I put you through.
That is so sweet.
You're so sweet.
Apology accepted.
MacGYVER: Hey, Matty, I think SWAT has some more questions about the seismic shutoff valves.
Yeah, all over it.
It's Dawn.
Yeah.
Yeah, I kind of figured that - when I saw the sun coming up - No.
The first question that you asked me That's the answer.
My real name it's Dawn.
Oh, Dawn.
Pretty name for a pretty girl.
Hi, I'm Jack.
- Hi, Jack.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Oh, Dawn, walk with me, Dawn.
Okay.
Ooh, ah.
What's your, uh, what's your last name, Dawn? Oh.
Slow down, cowboy.
You're gonna have to buy me dinner first.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Okay, I can do that.
Can I borrow some money? [LAUGHS.]
Anything you want.
RIP, Duke.
We hardly knew ye.
Mac, Jack and Matty are wheels up in 10.
Only a few more hours before Matty walks back through that door.
And have you thought about what you're gonna say or not say? Look, Bozer, what you did was stupid and selfish, and and shortsighted.
But, after I decrypted your messages to Leanna I may have read a few.
You did? It was kind of hard not to "Snuggle-bear.
" [LAUGHS.]
And the parts that didn't make me want to throw up were actually really sweet.
So you're not gonna turn me in? I don't have to turn you in, because you're never gonna get caught.
Let me see your phone.
I built you guys a way more encrypted app.
Completely undetectable on the Phoenix network.
Which means this conversation right here never happened.
Riley.
Riley! Thank you, Riley.
[BOTH LAUGHING, MOANING.]
Oh Jack Dalton, I like your style.
You do? Mm-hmm.
Hey, do you like Bruce Willis? I love Bruce Willis.
He is so hot.
- Really? - Yeah.
You want to have a Die Hard marathon in the bedroom? Oh, yeah.
"Welcome to the party, pal.
" [TRUCK BEEPING OUTSIDE.]
No.
She robbed me? [GROANS.]
Not again.
No, please.
She better not have taken my dad's dog tags.
[EXHALES.]
[DROPS REMOTE.]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
Keep your foot on that! I want to hear you say it! It was a bad idea getting in this thunder box! Hey, if you want to leave, the door is right there.
This mission was supposed to be easy.
Fly to a beautiful island nation, crash a government shindig and get proof of a brewing coup d'etat.
Which we did! Mission accomplished! Mission not accomplished! Number one: we just found evidence that not one, but two generals were planning to overthrow the government.
Not exactly a good idea to wait out the storm in a building locked with them, okay? And number two - Hey! Do me a favor! - Huh? You keep number one and number two out of this, you hear me? All right, fair enough.
That was a bad choice of words.
That was definitely the worst choice you made in the last 20 minutes.
[GRUNTING.]
MACGYVER: The structural integrity of these things is actually pretty solid, because of the one-piece molding, the-the lightweight polymer.
Portable toilet facts? Really? That's the last thing that I'm gonna hear before I die? We're not gonna die! We're not gonna die! Okay? We're gonna be fine.
I don't think we're in agreement on what the word "fine" means.
Okay, okay, all right, fine! You're right.
It was a bad idea! Probably one of the worst ideas I've ever had.
[SIGHS.]
But I'm allowed to be wrong every now and then, aren't I? I don't disagree, but this time, it may be the last time.
So, dinner's going great, man.
She's laughing, I'm laughing.
Then about halfway through, Bruce Willis's name comes up.
- I'm not really sure how.
- I could imagine why.
So, she looks at me deadpan straight-faced and goes, "Bruce Willis? Was that the old guy from The Expendables?" - Did she say it like that? - It's not how - she said it, it's what she said.
- And what'd you say? - I said, "Check, please.
" - Hold on.
No second date? - No way.
- All right.
No.
Stop.
- You got to stop doing this.
- Stop doing what? Coming up with ridiculous reasons to stop dating people.
That's not a ridiculous reason.
Okay, let me put it this way.
How many dates have you been on - the last year? - I don't know, man.
I ain't counting.
But my Tinder profile is pretty en fuego.
How many have been second dates? - Not that many.
- Look, we both know what happened this time last year.
What? Oh, come on, Mac.
This has nothing to do with that.
Really? Your clear refusal to even try and have a meaningful connection with a woman over the last year has nothing to do with Sarah getting married, which, coincidentally, - was just over a year ago? - Nope.
[SIGHS.]
Sarah is happily married, man.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you still won't let yourself - move on.
- Hey, I'm moving on just fine.
Don't you worry about that, okay? It's not my fault that most of the women I've met recently don't have that special something.
I'm not that picky.
All she has to do is be smart and beautiful.
And-and know some Krav Maga and be able to handle herself in a firefight.
You know, that's a real asset.
No one is ever going to be Sarah, but comparing everyone else in the world to her is unfair to them, and more importantly, it's unfair to you.
What do I need a girlfriend for anyway, man? You ain't got one.
- Not for lack of trying.
- And neither does Bozer.
We get to do what we want, when we want.
Bachelors ain't got to answer to nobody, man.
It's awesome.
Hey, what's up? Bam! Ooh.
Mama looks pissed.
- Excuse me? - Well, I'm just saying, you don't look as-as sunshiny as usual.
Okay, I would like for you to switch to your inner voice now.
- Okay.
- I'm serious, Jack.
All right.
What's going on? Yeah, is this about Murdoc? MATTY: I wish, but unfortunately, it's about another notorious figure from the past.
- Who? - Someone I thought I'd buried a decade ago.
Duke Jacoby.
Ooh, no way.
How is that even possible? Wait.
Am-am I supposed to know who this person is or? Yeah.
What is he? A drug dealer? Gunrunner? Is he a mercenary? Depends on the day of the week.
BOZER: Uh, why does Duke Jacoby have Jack's face? It's one of my old CIA covers, Bozer.
MATTY: After Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans was basically the Wild West, so while law enforcement was busy reinstating order in the streets Duke was sent in to keep an eye on all the sinister activity going on in and around the Port of New Orleans.
With Duke's help, the Agency was able to disrupt over 100 criminal and terrorist plots.
Yeah.
I mean, he was one of the best CIA covers, like, ever.
He was also one of the most expensive - CIA covers, like, ever.
- Yeah.
So much so that the top brass considered having him assassinated.
They called it "Operation Budget Cuts.
" Well, by that point, I almost wish they did kill him off.
I-I hated being that guy.
Okay, but if Jack is Duke, and Jack is here, then how exactly has Duke resurfaced in New Orleans? - Yeah.
- I don't know, Bozer, but two days ago, someone started reactivating Duke's digital footprint in NOLA Opening new bank accounts, unfreezing old credit cards, accessing his DMV records.
How'd this person get all this info on a CIA cover? And what are they planning on doing with it? Well, that is exactly what I'm taking Mac and Jack to New Orleans to find out.
You're coming with us? That's how serious this is.
All right.
Riley, I need you here, combing through both the Phoenix and CIA networks.
Find out if someone hacked in and stole Duke's info.
Okay.
I'll be sure to bring you back some beignets, Riley.
MATTY: Actually, Bozer, you're staying here to work on another assignment.
Then you'll assist Riley in the war room.
- Mm! - So I guess you can pick us up some donuts.
MATTY: All right, people, we've got work to do.
Mac, Jack, wheels up in 20.
- Yeah.
- Yes, ma'am.
[UPBEAT FRENCH MUSIC PLAYING.]
JACK: Man, it's weird being back here.
I was really hoping Duke had said good-bye - to this place for good.
- [STREETCAR BELL DINGS.]
You've been checking over your shoulder ever since we got here.
I'm guessing - Duke had some enemies.
- You know that old-school white pages phone book I have at my house? Yeah.
The one that I told you to get rid of because - it's pretty much useless.
- Yeah.
That's the one.
Well, Duke made enough enemies to fill two of 'em.
Just showing my face around here is a risk.
Okay, to be fair, Dalton, showing your face - anywhere is a risk.
- I'm just saying.
Okay, now where are you taking us? I'm taking you right to the source.
[DOOR BELLS TINKLE.]
I call upon the spirits of the beyond and ask that they give me the power of sight! [WOMAN GASPS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
You can drop the act, Willy.
You ain't fooling anybody.
Except for maybe these yahoos.
WOMAN: What? Show's over.
Everyone out.
You have got a lot of nerve coming in here, Jacoby.
I'm still quicker with a blade than you are, old man.
- [LAUGHING.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Hey, you old - salty dog.
- How are you, Duke? - I'm doing good.
Good to see you.
- [LAUGHING.]
Guys, this is Willy.
He is king of the Big Easy underground.
Nothing goes on in this town without him knowing about it, and more often than not, he's got a piece of the action, ain't that right? Well, a man's got to eat, Duke.
JACK: You're right.
Uh, can I help you? Sorry.
I was just trying to see how you made the flame so big, but now I see the modified butane lighters and the flash powder for a kick, yeah? Underneath the sleeves.
That's what I would've done.
Uh, who the hell is this, Duke? Well, these two are my associates, Will.
Are you in town long, man? Only long enough to find out who's been running around town pretending to be me.
You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Well, I would love to help you out, Duke, but first, there's the small matter of the five grand you owe me from that business with the Dominicans.
Right.
Here you go.
MATTY: I see now why you haven't mentioned this place before, Duke.
Just tell us what you know, will you? I'm sorry, Duke.
I-I wish I knew something, but I haven't seen anybody pretending to be you.
Copy that.
Thanks.
It's good to see you.
Let's go.
However, I did see your wife, and, man, she's a knockout.
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
She's a real peach, huh? You haven't seen her around, have you? Yes, I'd like to find her right now.
I imagine Dixie Lee's at your new place, Duke.
You do remember where your new place is, right? Because if, by some odd chance, you've forgotten your own address, I'd be happy to remind you [CLEARS THROAT.]
for a small fee, of course.
Of course.
You know, I'm a little a little light.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
Matty, give me a little scratch, will you? Looks like Mrs.
Jacoby is not home.
- Really? - That's a shame.
I was really looking forward to meeting the old ball and chain.
Yeah.
Me, too.
MacGYVER: Look what I found.
Well, now we know what she's been doing with Duke's good credit.
Riley, you're up.
Whoa, this computer's so brand-new, there's next to nothing on it.
Well, "next to nothing" isn't nothing.
It sure isn't.
I just found a hidden folder of financial, DMV and IRS info, all belonging to Duke Jacoby.
JACK: That's great, Ri.
But we already knew Dixie Lee had that stuff on Duke.
Okay, Jack, but what about the other 16? - What? - What? 16? I just found 16 more hidden folders, containing info on 16 other CIA cover identities.
I'm sending them over now, Matty.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
Some of these are still active.
Well, that means we're looking at a much bigger breach than we originally thought.
Whoever Dixie is, we need to find her now, before she gets a whole bunch of undercover CIA operatives killed.
JACK: Man, we have searched every inch of this place, and all we've learned about my better half is that she has kick-ass taste.
- Does she, though? - I don't know.
It's not really my thing, but MacGYVER: More importantly, why would an operative who just stole 17 CIA cover I.
D.
s risk this big of a footprint? Maybe that was part of her plan.
She suspected Duke was a CIA cover, she poses as his spouse, starts making noise to see who will show up.
Well, if this is a trap, then we've already walked into it.
Look, I want to know who this lady is and where she is right now.
Riley? I'm working on it.
But I'm having a little trouble.
There's not a single active cell phone registered to either Mr.
or Mrs.
Jacoby.
Well, can you track her credit card purchases? I could, but she didn't make any purchases with Duke's credit cards.
She used them to take out cash advances at ATMs.
And before you ask about the ATM cameras, she blocked them.
Every last one of them.
She sounds like a pro.
How much cash did the missus take? Just north of 50 grand.
50 grand isn't exactly walking around cash.
- No, it is not.
- Dixie's got a hiding spot in this house somewhere.
We got to find it.
Jack, I need your cell phone.
- Huh? It's brand-new.
- You heard me.
- Jack.
- There's three phones sitting right there.
And she is my wife, so technically they're half mine.
Just use one of those.
Okay, number one, those phones are evidence.
Number two, she's not really your wife.
And number three, give Mac your damn phone.
Yeah, yeah, one, two, three, break Jack's phone, I get it.
Oh, I'm gonna need a broom.
What, are we gonna clean the place? Go get it.
Fine.
MacGYVER: So, ever since 2004, all U.
S.
currency has been printed using metallic ink.
So, more bills You don't got to smile while you're breaking it.
Sorry.
Means more metal.
Now, if we can attach the Hall effect sensor from your phone to this radio speaker Thank you.
We should have our own makeshift - metal detector.
- [METAL DETECTOR BEEPS.]
[CRACKLING.]
[METAL DETECTOR BEEPS.]
How long is this gonna take? [METAL DETECTOR BEEPS.]
MacGYVER: Got something.
Oh - What? - Hello, Mrs.
Hello, Mrs.
Jacoby.
Let me see that.
Ay, Chihuahua, yes, please.
You know, Duke's the one with kick-ass taste.
Riley, sending you a picture now of the woman who is not Jack's wife.
Yeah, but has serious potential.
Copy that.
Running facial recognition against all databases.
Got her.
Dixie Lee Jacoby's real name is Darlene Hagen, born February 19.
Oh, I spoke too soon.
I'm looking at seven I.
D.
s from seven states with seven different names, all with the same face.
Who is this woman? That's a good question.
RILEY: I don't know about the who, but I might be able to help you with the where.
She's not on any law enforcement databases.
I've been running her face against all the security cams and social media posts in New Orleans.
Ooh.
I got her walking into a jazz club on Royal 20 minutes ago.
I'm sending the address now.
All right.
Bounce.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yes, ma'am.
A-And technically, that-that's half mine.
Hey, Bozer, you alone? Looks that way.
Why? What's up? [KEYPAD BEEPS.]
I scanned the CIA's network to see if Dixie broke in to steal those cover identities.
But I didn't find any sign of a breach.
That's good news, right? Yeah, until I used that same scan on our network, and that's when things got less good.
Less good how? Just like the CIA, I found zero evidence on anyone trying to break into the Phoenix network.
But I did find some hidden, encrypted traffic heading out.
These are encrypted data streams from an unauthorized user.
A bunch of small, daily bursts, like, maybe text messages.
And then yesterday at 3:28 p.
m.
, there was a sustained transmission.
Like, maybe a phone call.
I think we have another mole in the Phoenix.
ROBOT: How curious, Bozer.
3:28 p.
m.
is precisely the same time - you were on the phone with - Thank you, narc.
[SIGHS.]
It's me.
You? I met someone.
At spy school.
Her name's Leanna.
She's amazing.
Like, amazing amazing.
But at graduation, we were ordered never to communicate with any of the other students ever again.
So instead of following this order, you decide to try and sneak unauthorized encrypted transmission to your girlfriend through the Phoenix? Bozer, are you trying to get caught? No, of course not, but love makes you do crazy things, Riley, I Oh, my God.
That's the first time I've ever admitted I'm in love with Leanna.
Well, congratulations, Bozer, but now I'm gonna have to kill you for involving me in this.
Please.
You can't tell Matty.
I don't want to.
But if she finds out I knew about this and stayed quiet Look, I'm sorry you got dragged into this, but I've never met anyone like her before, Riley.
Isn't that the same line you used on me when we first met? Leanna's different.
She's special.
I-I mean, we don't work together, so it's not awkward like it was for you and me Okay, I don't know what I'm saying.
I'm freaking out here.
Look I already made my choice.
So now I guess you got to make yours.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING.]
Well, cover me.
I'm gonna go introduce myself to my wife.
Uh, bourbon.
Neat.
Please.
And would you refill this lovely young lady's glass again for me? Thanks, but I prefer to pay for my own poison.
Yeah, if that were true, you wouldn't be here drinking on my dime.
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, hang on now.
Just relax.
Relax.
Don't you want to have a little drinky-poo with your hubby? What are we drinking to? To your last days as a free woman.
You're even cuter in person.
- Mmm.
- I like the way you do your hair.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, is that your play? Cheap compliments? Then you bat those eyelashes, and you head for the door, is that it? Wouldn't be the first time that little combo got me out of a jam.
- Mm.
- Besides, if you really wanted to turn me in, you would've brought cops.
So, what do you want, sugar? Answers.
You can start with your name and who you work for.
My name you're gonna have to earn.
And who says I work for anyone? Come on, you lifted 17 I.
D.
s.
You expect me to believe you did all that on your own? I'm a woman of many talents.
I bet.
Another one for you, Ms.
Jackoby? - It's Jac - It's Jacoby.
[LAUGHS.]
Another round for me and my husband.
And keep the change.
JACK: Ooh.
Wow.
Just like that.
Right in front of me.
Okay.
Why have money if you're not gonna spend it? Mmm, Ms.
Jacoby, you are a cute one, I'll give you that much.
Thank you.
But I think you're a plain old con artist who's in way over her head.
I think we both know there's nothing old or plain about me.
Listen, Dixie Or whatever your name is Playtime is over.
Okay? This is serious business.
You're gonna have to tell me right now how you got my identity and the 16 others.
For your own safety.
You understand? You know, most marks only care about their bank balance How much money they've lost, if they're gonna get it back.
And no one's ever followed me in person, let alone this fast.
Just tell me how you got the I.
D.
s.
And now that I think about it, there was something off about the paper trail on you and your 16 friends.
Zero fraud claims, not even a late payment.
It was a little too clean, a little too perfect.
What can I say? I'm a responsible guy.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, come on, sugar.
We both know that's not true.
I may be just a plain old con artist, but you ain't Duke Jacoby because Duke Jacoby doesn't exist.
So, why don't you start by telling me what your real name is? Duke, you got some fans looking for you.
Front door.
Ooh! Ow.
Go! Friends of yours? Yeah, Duke didn't really have friends.
You know what I'm saying? [STREETCAR BELL DINGS.]
Go get Dixie.
I got these guys.
JACK: All right.
- Move! Move! - [GASPING.]
- Stop! Stop.
- Okay.
Nice try, honey, but you're not going anywhere.
Now listen to me for a sec.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Don't move.
What's up, man? No! Get your hands off my damn wife.
MacGYVER: Hey! Matty we got a problem.
Someone just stole a lot more than Duke's identity.
[SNORING.]
[GROANS.]
Morning, sunshine.
Morning.
How long was I out? - Hmm, 30 minutes, give or take.
- [GROANS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- I already tried that.
- Yeah? - They cut the emergency release.
- Oh.
- We're good and stuck.
So, hubby, you want to tell me who these guys are? Well, it's hard to say, really.
Could be the 39ers.
Could be the Bayou Mafia.
Could be the two guys I hunted down for the Bayou Mafia.
It's dealer's choice, really.
Seriously, who are you? It it's complicated.
You know, maybe you should do a tad more research before you go pretending to be somebody's wife next time, okay? - [CAR STOPS.]
- Look, I actually don't care who you are, - or what's going on here.
- That's not very nice.
I just don't want to get in the middle of this, okay? All right? So if this is about the identities I stole, I'm sorry.
I've been conning this government IT contractor for weeks, planning to drain his 401k.
But when I got access to his computer, I found his bank accounts, credit cards, social security numbers.
I mean, I thought I hit the jackpot.
I figured y'all were just 17 people in some government database, not 17 people the government made up.
All right, look, I-I can't tell you what's going on, I'm sorry.
But I promise I'm gonna get you out of this, okay? I promise.
[SNORING.]
- Who is this guy? - No clue.
But someone sent him and eight others to grab Jack and our fake Mrs.
Jacoby.
In all the excitement, this guy got left behind.
And from what I've heard about Duke, I think it's a safe bet that whoever sent these guys is not a friend.
Great.
Which means we have yet another problem.
Because it's only a matter of time before Duke's better half realizes she's sitting on one hell of a bargaining chip.
17 freshly stolen CIA identities could fetch millions on the black market.
Yes.
So first things first: let's I.
D.
sleeping beauty here.
Riley? All right, let's see who you are.
Well, first, there's too many hits, now there's too few.
Sorry, guys, all I can tell you is this guy doesn't have a criminal record or a driver's license.
Would you like to rouse our guest? My pleasure.
Where you going? I was gonna go make some smelling salts.
Oh, never mind, Goldilocks.
I'll just do it the old-fashioned way.
Hey, sleepyhead.
How you feeling? Where did you take Duke Jacoby? BOZER: Hey, Matty.
Sorry to interrupt, but at spy school, we learned an interrogation technique for situations like this.
You start by going into his mental space - and then you want to - MATTY: Bozer.
You do realize that I wrote that entire curriculum, right? [MAN GROANS, SPEAKS ALBANIAN.]
That's Albanian, and so is he.
Riley, pull up everything - about the Albanian mob in Duke's file.
- Okay.
Oh, and Bozer, here's a tip: whenever you're in pain, you always revert to your mother tongue.
You might want to write that down.
RILEY: Well, I see a long list of dirtballs who despise Duke, but nothing about any Albanians.
So how do we find Jack? [CLICKS TONGUE.]
He may not be able to tell us where Jack is, but he might be able to show us.
[EXHALES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Little Raymond? [EXHALES.]
It's just Raymond now.
Oh, okay.
You know, the last time I saw you, your pops had you dragging Lake Pontchatoony, Pontchatong whatever You remember that? When you lost that huge drug shipment.
This guy's a moron, man.
No.
What I remember is you losing the shipment and blaming me.
Yeah, well, who can be sure about something like that after this long? I can.
I remember that entire June perfectly.
You want to know why? - Why? - 'Cause that was the month you double-crossed us.
Pops went down for racketeering.
Got 60 years in the can.
And you skipped town.
Hey, hey.
What's with the attitude? "Just Ray.
" Looks like you're running things just fine now.
You know, you should probably be thanking me for your promotion.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
I've dreamt of killing you for a long time, Jacoby.
Can't believe I actually get to be the one to do it.
Congratulations.
Don't worry.
It'll be quick.
- For the missus.
- [GASPS.]
Not so much for you.
No-no-no, wait, wait, wait a minute now.
She has nothing to do with this.
- She's not even my real wife.
- It's true.
- You got to believe him.
- You think I'm married? - I've never seen him before today.
- No.
If I'm being honest, I don't really care who you are.
- [GUN COCKS.]
- [GASPS.]
I'll give you half a million dollars.
What? Yeah, the-the 500.
Now put the gun on me.
$500,000 I stole from your old man before I split.
There you go.
I mean, y-you are family.
Technically, it's yours.
I'll just give it to you.
What $500,000? What-what are you talking about? Why do you think I would come back to this armpit? I hate New Orleans.
Do you know how many people want to kill me here? Huh? [CHUCKLES.]
I'd need a good reason.
And I got 530,000 good ones, you know what I'm saying? But, baby, we were gonna use that money - to build a house - Not right now, Dixie Cup.
- With a view of the bayou.
- Sugar Pie, Sugar Pie.
- We will work this out.
- Should of known this was gonna happen.
- Mama warned me from the start you were - Karen, no good at follow-through.
Are we still role-playing? Shut up, the both of you.
You really have $500,000 of my money? Yup.
Maybe now would be a good time for you to let me in on what you're doing.
I'm coating the cuffs in a mixture of selenium powder, cadmium oxide, and good old muriatic acid.
When blended together, they cause a reaction that emits a light at a wavelength that can only be seen by infrared cameras.
Like, say, the IR camera in one of our keyhole satellites? Exactly.
So, now, all we got to do is slide these cuffs on our large friend over there, let him think that he's escaped, and then he's either gonna run to the nearest airport or Straight back to his boss, who's holding Jack and Dixie.
Okay.
It's a long shot.
But 50/50 odds are a hell of a lot better than nothing.
Got to make this look convincing, so step one is letting him know we're gonna be moving him to a more secure location, - which will motivate him.
- [MAN GRUNTS.]
Sounds like your friend just skipped step one.
[GRUNTS.]
Well, did you get the cuffs on him? Barely.
And don't worry about me, Matty, I'll be fine.
Good.
Riley, you're up.
Get us an eye in the sky.
You know when that lunatic realizes you didn't actually steal his money, - he's gonna kill us both.
- Don't worry.
I'm working on getting my hands free.
The trick's gonna be to get close enough to one of these goons to lift a weapon.
- I might be able to help with that.
- Yeah, how's that? Mr.
Scowly over there's been patting his pockets for two hours.
He wants a cigarette, but he's out.
If I tell him I have a pack on me and offer one in exchange for a light He'll close the distance himself.
- Very clever.
- Thanks.
Smart, beautiful, brave You know, you could've been anything.
How'd you wind up doing something like this? You'd rather play "get to know you" than "get the hell out of here"? Still working on getting my hands free.
Thought we could do both.
- [SCOFFS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
I tried the legit life.
But had to be honest with myself I like life on this side of the law.
And I love my work.
It does make it hard to meet Mr.
Right, though.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Why is that funny? It's just it's just familiar.
You know, I think if we'd have met under different circumstances and-and weren't about to die I think we might've had a second date, maybe even a third.
Oh, you're assuming I'd have said yes to the first.
Hmm.
Okay.
I almost got my hands free.
- You-you about ready for that smoke? - [DOOR OPENS.]
So, I called some associates.
And guess what? Not a single person can confirm your story about the 500 grand.
But the more people I spoke to, the more it became clear you were right about one thing: there are a lot of folks in New Orleans who hate you.
And so, I made a few more calls and found a mutual acquaintance who said you left him and his brother for dead years ago.
- In a swamp? - Oh, yeah, well, I wanted to kill those two ding-dongs on the boat.
It was just more convenient to throw them overboard.
And a lot nicer, if you think about it.
Well, that's not how they see it.
Turns out these brothers dislike you so much, Duke, they're willing to pay me a cool million for the honor of killing you themselves.
It's been a real pleasure being your husband.
BOZER: Okay, Mac's infrared handcuffs are doing the trick.
Our Albanian friend just turned right on Tulane Avenue.
RILEY: But Mac was right about the chemical tags wearing off.
Color's fading fast.
I don't think we're gonna be able to track him much longer.
MATTY: This guy's our best hope at finding Jack.
I need you to pinpoint his position now.
Well, either Riley just jinxed us and the tag wore off, or he just ran into a building on Pierce Street.
[SPEAKING ALBANIAN.]
[EXPLOSION.]
Drop your weapons! Hands in the air! Get down on your knees! [SHOUTING.]
- No.
- Get him up, now! [GASPS.]
I sincerely hope y'all are friends - with my husband.
- Where is he? I don't know.
But I know somebody's paying a million dollars to kill him.
And I might be able to help you figure out who.
So how about we make a deal? Okay, according to Dixie, the Albanians are selling Jack to a couple of brothers he left in a swamp.
Let's hope Duke put something about them in the files.
Bet Jack never thought his life would hinge on his ability to fill out paperwork.
[TYPING.]
RILEY: Matty, I think we got a hit.
In 2009, Duke was transporting two Brazilian smugglers through the bayou at night, when, quote, "Things went kind of sideways, due to nobody's fault in particular, and I wound up tossing 'em both in the drink.
" Ooh.
Do these smugglers have a name? BOZER: Matheus and Gustavo Barbosa.
They blew into New Orleans after the hurricane and put down roots.
It looks like they've expanded from smuggling to real estate.
They're buying up properties all over the city Vacant lots, abandoned houses, a couple of car washes, a cemetery.
A cemetery? If I was gonna kill someone and hide the evidence, that would do the trick.
MATTY: Okay, Mac, SWAT's in place, and they're not gonna move until I give them the green light.
If our targets suspect anything suspicious, they can kill Dalton on-site.
Any signs of the Albanians or Brazilians? No.
Everyone is resting peacefully on my end.
But this place is huge, and we still don't know if this is where the deal is going down for sure.
Matty, I got eyes on the Albanians.
Headed for the south exit.
[SIREN CHIRPS.]
- Don't move! - Put your hands on the wheel! Where I can see 'em! - They're not in the vehicle! - Where is he? Duke.
Where's Duke? Don't know anyone by that name.
Where did the Barbosas take him? RILEY: Uh, Mac, there's a crazy heat plume that just popped up on the sat feed.
It's in the southwest corner of the cemetery.
Crematorium.
[NAIL GUN CLACKING.]
[GROANING.]
Hey, wait a minute, fellas! We can work something out, can't we?! Come on! [SWITCH BUZZES.]
Oh Well, Duke, I kind of always thought you'd get me killed one day.
I just didn't think it'd be today.
Mac, what are you doing? SWAT's mobilizing an assault now.
Jack can't wait, Matty.
Incinerator's already burning.
Follow his lead! Go, go, go! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
Mac, we have no idea how many hostiles are in that building.
You have a plan to deal with that? I'll worry about that once I shut off the gas.
And how do you plan to do that? After Katrina, all gas lines in New Orleans were retrofitted with emergency shutoff valves in case of another disaster.
And? [ENGINE REVVING.]
I'm about to be that disaster.
[MOUTHS.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[PANTING.]
Come on, Mac.
I need you now, buddy.
I need you now more than ever.
Mac.
Mac! Hey! Help! [ENGINE REVVING.]
[HORN HONKING.]
MAN: Go, go, go! [HONKING CONTINUES.]
Shoot him.
[GUNSHOTS.]
Drop it! Drop it! Don't you move! Get down on your knees now! Jack, I'm here! Hang on! Mac, get me out of here! I'm coming! [GRUNTING.]
[COUGHING.]
[GRUNTING.]
- You okay? - I don't know, man.
I was just on fire.
You tell me.
- You look good to me.
- Good? [COUGHS.]
Let's scratch that one off the bucket list.
What? Being burned alive, you know, I was I was kind of curious.
[PANTING.]
You're insane, man.
So are you.
[GROANS, SHOUTS.]
That was a mistake! - Mac? - [SHOUTS.]
JACK: Well, thanks for getting me out of there, buddy.
It was getting a little warm.
[GROANS.]
Easy with the tootsies there, bud.
So, what kind of gadget did you come up with to bust me out? Drove that Cadillac through the building, and then I pulled you out with my bare hands.
Sounds like I'm rubbing off on you.
What, did you run out of paper clips and bubble gum - or something? - [GRUNTS.]
Yeah.
- Something like that.
- Thanks, man.
Oh, yeah.
Cute mittens, Blondie.
Thanks.
You like my socks? No, Jack.
I was just kidding.
But, seriously, you guys are lucky to be alive.
Unfortunately, Duke Jacoby can't say the same thing, because he never made it out of that coffin.
I just got off the phone with the CIA.
Duke Jacoby is now officially KIA.
Well, that is fantastic news.
No offense.
No, none taken.
RIP.
No one's happier seeing him in the rearview mirror than me.
But, uh what's gonna happen to her? Dixie Lee Jacoby will be buried here, right alongside her husband, Duke.
But as far as the unidentified con woman in handcuffs over there, we're gonna put her skills to good use.
I just negotiated a deal to have her charges dropped in exchange for her helping the CIA to make better cover identities.
NOPD should be getting the word right about - Okay.
Copy.
- Now.
Matty, that is the nicest thing you've ever done for me thank you.
You must have left some brain cells back in that box, Dalton.
I did it for national security, not for you.
Speaking of which, the very first thing I am doing when we get home is ordering a full review of your after action reports.
Every last one.
Yeah, well, as horrible as that sounds, it's better than being barbecued alive.
I look forward to what I'm sure will be an unending ass whooping.
They told me you guys are responsible for my release.
Thank you.
Thank her.
Thank you.
Seriously.
And for what it's worth I am so sorry for everything I put you through.
That is so sweet.
You're so sweet.
Apology accepted.
MacGYVER: Hey, Matty, I think SWAT has some more questions about the seismic shutoff valves.
Yeah, all over it.
It's Dawn.
Yeah.
Yeah, I kind of figured that - when I saw the sun coming up - No.
The first question that you asked me That's the answer.
My real name it's Dawn.
Oh, Dawn.
Pretty name for a pretty girl.
Hi, I'm Jack.
- Hi, Jack.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Oh, Dawn, walk with me, Dawn.
Okay.
Ooh, ah.
What's your, uh, what's your last name, Dawn? Oh.
Slow down, cowboy.
You're gonna have to buy me dinner first.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Okay, I can do that.
Can I borrow some money? [LAUGHS.]
Anything you want.
RIP, Duke.
We hardly knew ye.
Mac, Jack and Matty are wheels up in 10.
Only a few more hours before Matty walks back through that door.
And have you thought about what you're gonna say or not say? Look, Bozer, what you did was stupid and selfish, and and shortsighted.
But, after I decrypted your messages to Leanna I may have read a few.
You did? It was kind of hard not to "Snuggle-bear.
" [LAUGHS.]
And the parts that didn't make me want to throw up were actually really sweet.
So you're not gonna turn me in? I don't have to turn you in, because you're never gonna get caught.
Let me see your phone.
I built you guys a way more encrypted app.
Completely undetectable on the Phoenix network.
Which means this conversation right here never happened.
Riley.
Riley! Thank you, Riley.
[BOTH LAUGHING, MOANING.]
Oh Jack Dalton, I like your style.
You do? Mm-hmm.
Hey, do you like Bruce Willis? I love Bruce Willis.
He is so hot.
- Really? - Yeah.
You want to have a Die Hard marathon in the bedroom? Oh, yeah.
"Welcome to the party, pal.
" [TRUCK BEEPING OUTSIDE.]
No.
She robbed me? [GROANS.]
Not again.
No, please.
She better not have taken my dad's dog tags.
[EXHALES.]
[DROPS REMOTE.]