Mad (2010) s02e06 Episode Script

Are You Karate Kidding Me? & Fresh Prawn of Bel Air

We interrupt this program with some breaking news.
After honing his skills on "Jeopardy!", Watson the computer predicts the winner of the NCAA Basketball Tournament.
Who's it gonna be, Watson? [Beeping] What is basketball? Well, looks like once again I'll vote for the team with the cutest uniforms.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
[Laughter] Mad! I hate China, with all its know-it-all cookies and overly tall walls.
This place stinks.
You just have to get to know it.
I'm Kai-Lan.
That's Chinese for "broccoli.
" I'm Dre.
That's American for "son of Will Smith.
" [Gong] You shouldn't talk to me in front of the school bullies.
Why? Afraid I'll get black and blue? Oof! More like black and white.
You think you can just show up and star in a karate movie 'cause you're cute? I'm a panda! I'll always be cute.
You've got 3, maybe 4 years of cuteness left in you.
- Noodles? - Ooh, I love noodles! Aah! Unh! Did you notice how I beat you using only this bowl? No, I was too busy watching my coach beat up your guy with a spoon.
Ah.
Enough! We will save fighting for tournament.
You must learn discipline.
Take off your backpack and throw it down.
But it got it from my friend Dora.
I'm the backpack, the backpack, the backpack Throw it down.
Ow.
What are you doing? - Pick up.
Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up.
Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up.
Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up.
Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up.
Throw it down.
- Ow.
- Pick up.
Throw it down.
- What'd I do? What did that teach me? Nothing.
I just hate that "Dora the Explorer" show.
[Gong] Many mysteries will be answered today, but it all starts with one question.
What's that? Ow! - Why are you hitting yourself? - Ow.
- Why are you hitting yourself? - Ow.
- Why are you hitting yourself? - Ow.
- Why are you hitting yourself? - Ow.
- Why are you hitting yourself? - Ow.
Ugh.
Po's got a much better trainer.
That true.
I put sleeping potion in his lunch.
[Sneezes] [Gong] You must feel the force throwing through you.
Only then can you defeat Vader.
Vader? I thought I was training to fight Po.
Sorry.
Our training montage look alike.
Looking to be sued you are, hmm? As are you.
We're not even training, you snot colored goblin.
Enough! We will save fighting for tournament.
Wait a minute.
What kind of tournament are we training for? Welcome to the Chicken Fight Championships.
Let's have a clean fight and no fouls, except for the chicken kind.
Begin! [All grunting] And the winner is - Wait just a second! - [All gasp] Who did this to my backpack? I have such a concussion, I can't remember.
Do you know who did this to backpack? [Beep] Gracias! Hyah! [Shouting] That's Chinese for "somebody help me!" [Shouting] Bad idea number 21: Birdfeeder earrings.
[Birds chirping] [Screaming] Him, I'm Lebron James.
A lot of people questioned why I went with a team all the way down in Florida.
And the answer is simple, really to try out my new Lebrony paper towels.
With Lebrony, you can clean up even the toughest spills.
Petroleum, diesel, unleaded, - even grape juice.
- Aah! Other paper towels fall apart when you get them wet and try and support a can of tuna on them, but Lebrony actually helps save wildlife.
Let's face it.
This country has had its share of messes, and we need a paper towel that can help clean things up.
Lebrony paper towels.
I mean, really, why else would I have come all the way down to Miami? [Horn honks] Heh heh.
[Crowd cheering] Really? I gotta change my insurance.
"Mad" has discovered some rejected audition tapes, including Jay-Z as Spider-Man! Help! Someone help! Go help that gentleman.
Ok, boss.
The "Jersey Shore's" the situation as Sherlock Holmes.
The situation here is that we've got a crime, and that crime is how good looking my situation is right here.
Am I right, ladies? I'm not a lady.
Tracy Morgan as a Na'Vi.
You don't love me, Jake Smelly.
You just love my blue alien cat face.
IWhat? And Fred as Edward Cullen.
[High-pitched voice] Hey, it's me, Fredward! I'm a vampire.
Hisss.
I hate you, Isabella Swan.
Psych! I'm just kidding.
I love you! Aah! The votori! Don't choose Jacob.
Choose me! Choose me.
Choose me.
Choose me.
Choose me.
Choose me.
And now it's time for snappy answers to stupid questions.
Is that an octopus? No, it's a balloon with many strings.
Is that an octopus? No, it's a bunch of snakes sucking on a watermelon.
Is that an octopus? Gee, I don't know.
I've never actually looked behind me.
This has been snappy answers to stupid questions.
Ha! Ha! Ha ha! Tonight, just when you thought these shows couldn't get dopier Donatello! Donatello! What are you hiding from? Get out of my face! Teenage mutant ninja turtles can run, but they can't hide on "TMNTMZ.
" See what happens when Michelangelo gets caught eating too much pizza.
Ohh.
This is a mess.
[Laughing] Hey, Michelangelo, say "cheese.
" Get it? Cheese? 'Cause he had pizza.
And we had pictures.
Wordplay! Yeah! And Raphael is a pretty cool guy until you wake him up in the middle of the night.
- Hello? - Raphael? - Who is this? - Raphael? It's 3:00 in the morning! Is this Shredder? No.
It was totally me.
And wait till you see what the "TMNTMZ" crew have in store for Leonardo.
Huh? I'm I'm fine.
Wait, I thought you were going to take care of Leonardo.
- Huh? - Huh? Eh, we were close.
Don't miss "TMNTMZTV.
" [Crowing] What the What's going on? The sun is up.
Man, can't a guy sleep in for once? Sorry, that's my job.
Really? Well, my job is working at Blue Lobster, and today I don't have to be there till noon, ok? So thanks a lot.
Abra! Abra! Abracadabra! [Whistle blows] Whoo! Yeah! Are you sure this is what they mean by fantasy football? You shall not pass The football to anyone else.
[Tires squeal] [Snickering] [Snickering] Bad idea number 554: Convertible submarines.
Ok, which one of you Nimrods forgot to put the top up? When ordinary hair gels just don't cut it, there's B.
O.
B.
's monster hold hair gel.
Helps fight dryness, split ends, and even aliens.
Just one dollop of our genetically altered gelatinous goo, and your hair will go from run-of-the-mill to run-for-the-hills! Aah! B.
O.
B.
's monster hold hair gel will let you look your best At the mall At parties And even playing sports.
B.
O.
B.
's monster hold hair gel.
Ok, Melvin Kosnowski, what are 3 things that best describe you? Lots of fun and bad with numbers.
Next.
28 years ago, an alien spacecraft appeared in the sky.
Phone home.
Different alien.
These aliens were stranded Mm-hmm.
Malnourished Uh And didn't have a limited edition collector glass.
Ouch.
Nicknamed "Prawns" for their resemblance to shrimp, these aliens were placed in special zones and forced to take the only jobs suitable for malnourished creatures.
Today, disgusted by the negative attention the prawn have brought to the city, protestors have demanded that the government relocate these prawn to a different area.
[Hip-hop music playing] Now, this is a story you're gonna go "what?" 'bout how my life switched, turned rightside-up and I'm gonna take a moment, don't go nowhere to tell you how I became the prawn of Bel-Air in the southeastern hemisphere, you'd be amazed is where we crashed down, where I spent my days eating out of cans 'cause I love that gruel shooting space guns, man, that stuff is cool when a couple of guys, they were government men said that we'd be moving out to District 10 I put up one little fight, and my mom got scared she said, "I'm moving you across the world to live in Bel-Air Yo, yo, I made it.
[Cheers and applause] Look, honey.
Someone threw another shrimp in the lobby.
[Canned laughter] You must be master William.
And you must be the president of the penguin look-alike club.
[Canned laughter] Well, if it isn't our new tenant Will.
My name is Carlton, but you can call me The shortest man I've ever seen.
And to think they call me shrimp.
Would you care for a beverage? Do aliens explore Uranus? [Canned laughter] I don't know, but they sure get mooned a lot.
Ha ha ha! Wh-wh-what's happening to my Aah! My arm looks like yours now! Heh.
I guess that explains why I got kicked out of my last place.
Why? They thought I was an arms dealer.
[Canned laughter] I'm not sure this is the best place for you after all, Will.
Wait, dad.
Do you know how cool this arm is gonna make me look in school? I can learn a thing or two from this guy.
Well, ok, as long as he doesn't cause any trouble.
Great! I'll bring your stuff up to your room.
Careful! That gun's loaded.
That's odd.
Barbecued shrimp is usually Wednesday's lunch.
[Laughter and applause]