Madam Secretary (2014) s04e22 Episode Script

Night Watch

1 ELIZABETH: Can you imagine how many meetings and discussions it took to get this thing made? Apparently, there was an argument to make the structure a log cabin.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
- Pretty big cabin.
- Mm-hmm.
Why won't Russell answer my text? JASON: Um, other than helping run the most powerful country in the world? I never ask for anything, but I need a Monday off - in two months.
- What for? Emma Feldman's wedding, in Turks and Caicos.
Can people stop with the destination weddings? Hey, who remembers the actual occasion for the Gettysburg Address? Don't make it school, honey.
They used to like it.
Well, then they grew up.
We've lived here almost four years.
This is the first time doing D.
as a family You thought they'd like it.
Me, too.
But we forgot they have lives.
They have phones.
Their lives happen - on phones.
- I hate that.
Go ahead, - but there's no point.
- I hate that, too.
God! Why has no one checked my blog post about the history of the poncho? It's, like, everyone wants to be in it, but no one wants to know where it came from.
- Huh.
Funny that.
Okay, come on, - (ELIZABETH LAUGHS) Vietnam Memorial.
Let's go.
- (GROANS) - No, please.
- One memorial and you're done? - No, it's just, like, the wall is gonna be so heavy.
Can we, like, break it up - with something fun, maybe? - Yeah, sure, we'll go directly to the statue memorializing what fun it was forming a democracy.
Yeah, okay, okay, we need a break and maybe some food.
I know a fun place that's nearby, and we can look at the cherry blossoms on the way.
Come on.
Gift from the Japanese government in 1912.
- Stop teaching.
Stop teaching.
- That's what I do.
Oh! It's a little long.
Really? Inches.
Inches inside.
Receiver's call.
Gentlemen's game, dude.
Right? Okay, Viscount.
Try this.
Breeze helped you out a little.
- I can feel it.
- Yeah.
More like the breeze of the ball saying, "Don't bother.
" Yeah.
Come on.
Okay, Waffles, water break.
- Come on and drink.
- Uh (LAUGHING) Sorry.
Thor just has to meet every dog in the park before he does his business.
- Thor? - Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry, cutie, but you are not a Thor.
Right? He was already named when I rescued him.
Oh, I-I rescued Waffles, too.
Waffles? Seriously? Uh-huh.
A bomb- sniffing-school washout.
Named after a fancy pancake.
- Oh, are you in the Bureau? - No, State.
Is your husband in State, too? I'm not married.
I'm kind of single mom'ing it.
I'm Thomas.
- Eh! Hooked it.
- Eh.
Just the right amount, Mr.
Where's Elizabeth today? She had a family conflict.
Talk about a swing.
She can't make the NSC game, my wallet just says thank you.
BECKER (LAUGHS): Amen to that.
ELIZABETH: Yes! Incredible.
Your mom has always been really turbo about this game.
- Mama needs that big - Whoa.
What is that up there? - HENRY: Manatee? - Manatee.
Yeah! Oh! You guys should pay attention and see how this is done.
I don't need a manatee.
- Is anyone getting reception in here? - No.
I'm just - deleting photos.
- It's a total dead zone.
Maybe that's why I still haven't heard from Russell.
Maybe the parking lot? Hey, could we all put down our robots and enjoy this family activity that we insisted on doing? - Come on! - Okay, fine.
Hand it over.
- Come on, here.
- There, you can do this one.
Wait, wait.
- Bring it straight back.
Straight back.
- Whoo! Straight back.
No spin, no spin! ELIZABETH: Yeah, baby! - KAT: Hey.
- BLAKE: Hey.
- What are you in for? - Oh, self-imposed spring cleaning M-Sec's personal files.
You? A big policy binder for the Bureau of South Central Asian Affairs which isn't due for a month, but it's keeping me awake at night.
Do you need some help? - I'm almost done with my pathology.
- Really? No, really.
It's a 500-page dossier, and it's not exactly a potboiler.
I'd like to dip my toe in another department.
I should also get a more concrete idea of what I'm supposed to do next.
Well, if you still want to do policy after this, you may have found your calling, my friend.
DALTON: That really was - a hell of a drive, Gordon.
- Well, thank you, sir.
My lucky day, I guess.
Not if POTUS cuts your budget.
(CHUCKLES) Thank you, Russell.
Now, do I have to wonder every time I win if it's because someone was afraid of me? Well, you really weren't wondering that already, sir? (PHONE PLAYING ALARM TONE) That's a soothing ring choice.
This is NSA Ellen Hill.
What's going on? Confidence level? Gather the NSC plus five and kick it to CiC comms - immediately.
- What the hell is it? Early warning satellites detected multiple Russian launches.
- What?! - Salnikov can't be that crazy.
He said he'd get us back after Syria.
- By launching nukes? - AGENT: Cover Falcon! Cover Falcon! CIA's psych eval of Salnikov indicated volatility and mood swings.
We just killed - 300 Russians in Aleppo.
- Mr.
President, I have STRATCOM.
Put them on speaker, Captain.
Yes, sir.
Colonel McPherson is on the line.
- McPherson? - General Bradley is off duty, sir.
NSC plus five is being patched in.
Colonel McPherson, what's the sitrep? Mr.
President, SSPARS is now tracking more than 400 Russian ICBMs heading for U.
mainland, striking in about 20 minutes.
- Oh, my God.
- What about our monitoring stations? London and Alaska already confirmed; Greenland on alert.
Is there anything indicating otherwise? - No, sir.
- Do we have all NSC on the line? All but Secretary McCord and DNI Ware, sir.
We can't reach them.
Does anyone have any reason to believe that our systems could be wrong? Admiral Forsyth here, Mr.
It's a long shot, but we've always worried about a hack.
Not possible.
The network's air gapped and continually monitored for unauthorized code.
Now is not the time to be defensive about our systems, Gordon.
Colonel, is there anything indicating a possible intrusion in the network, anything at all? No, sir.
Every indication is that we are under attack, Mr.
Sir, I recommend initiating Night Watch continuity of government protocol immediately.
Do it.
Major, open the football.
ELIZABETH: Three, two, one ALISON: Dad, you're already so far behind.
HENRY: Well, I - Put your foot on the gas! What are those those oil can things? You have to grab them, Dad, so you can leave the oil slicks.
- I'll crash.
- It's okay to crash.
I can't crash I'm a trained pilot.
These things have consequences.
It's called Redline Rampage, you got to be a little bit more rampage-y (ALL SHOUTING) (CHUCKLES) Oh I am seriously stunned to be beating you right now.
I mean, I don't know what's happening.
Well, don't get used to it.
And you can stop with the - (PHONE CHIMES) - psych-out.
MATT: That was uncalled for.
Is everything okay? Uh, family emergency.
- Is Chloe okay? - Yeah.
I, uh I just have to go.
DALTON: Major Attack Option Three takes out all of their military installations but limits civilian casualties.
Problem with that is we can't guarantee - it neutralizes their entire military.
- Mr.
President, I strongly advise Major Attack Option One.
I concur.
Anything less than the most devastating counterstrike invites a second wave, killing even more Americans.
We need to get you airborne, Mr.
President, we're running out of time if you don't launch before the Russian missiles hit, they could take out our silos, - severely limiting our response.
- We'd lose an entire leg of the nuclear triad.
There has to be a better option than just responding in kind to an all-out Russian attack.
It'd almost certainly bring on a nuclear winter, killing everyone on the planet.
We have to think about that.
HILL: Nuclear winter is a theory, Russell.
The president has to execute what we've been gaming and planning for decades.
There's only one way to fulfill your constitutional obligation, Mr.
It's Major Attack Option One.
Does anyone disagree with that assessment? Do we have the Pentagon War Room on the line? Yes, Mr.
General Nelson here.
Ready to authenticate the nuclear launch codes on your call.
Ignore it.
- It's 11:00, doofus.
- Mm-hmm.
(LOUD KNOCKING) That really isn't housekeeping.
(SIGHS) - Sorry to interrupt.
- Angela.
See you in court, you bastard.
Looks like you got a late start this morning, Dave.
Long night.
Not much sleep.
Teenagers, huh? No, the kids are fine.
I think.
I didn't go home.
Angie served me with divorce papers last night.
Oh, man.
I had no idea.
Could you believe it? New keyboards are pretty sweet, too.
Yeah, just the right resistance.
(MONITOR BEEPING) Teykovo and Kartaly lighting up.
I've got Kozelsk and Yurya.
Talbot, report.
Dozens of launches across Russia.
Get any warnings from FSB about tests? - No, sir.
- Anybody anything on MOLINK? No reports, sir.
SSPARS, report.
Confirmation from Thule and Fylingdales.
More than a hundred so far.
Not in range of Alaska yet.
I have trajectory.
Mainland U.
, coast to coast, top to bottom.
Get me CiC's crisis coordinator.
(PHONE PLAYING ALARM TONE) - Soothing ring choice.
This is NSA Ellen Hill.
DALTON: Do we have the Pentagon War Room on the line? Yes, Mr.
General Nelson here.
Ready to authenticate the nuclear launch codes on your call.
I'm ready for your challenge code, General.
Copy, sir.
Your orders? DALTON: Zulu.
Eight, sir.
NELSON: Copy, Mr.
Godspeed, sir.
(COMPUTER BEEPS) - General Nelson.
- What? Your security clearance has been revoked under the Personnel Reliability Program.
We're at war, damn it.
And you must leave the building.
What the hell is this about? Your divorce, General.
Captain Barnes.
Yes, ma'am.
The Pentagon War Room cannot issue the EAM to launch control centers.
- Since when? - What the hell? Look, I'm sorry, sir, but you need to reissue the order to STRATCOM.
Your orders, Mr.
President? Zulu.
God bless, Colonel.
Thank you, Mr.
There's no turning back now.
Not a drill.
Unlock launch keys.
I agree.
I have a match.
Authentication confirmed.
I agree.
Belt up.
Insert launch keys.
ELIZABETH: Hey! Where is everybody? I'm going for a personal best here.
- Ma'am.
- Huh? We have to get you off the premises.
- Now.
- What's this about? Code Night Watch, ma'am.
Okay, wait, hold on, my family.
- What's going on? - We're trying to reach the secretary.
There's no reception in here.
We have Mr.
Jackson on the line outside.
Okay, um, I'll be right back.
What the hell's going on? RUSSELL: It's real.
The Russians launched the kitchen sink.
What? You should be heading to Mount Weather.
Where's the rest of the NSC? Aren't we advising POTUS on countermeasures? RUSSELL: We already did.
The president ordered Major Attack Option One.
It's done.
Oh, my God.
I Bess, just go.
You take care, okay? We have a helicopter on top of the Unified building.
We have to hurry.
No, no.
I-I'm not, I'm not going.
I'm-I'm gonna stay with my family.
Ma'am? Try Deputy Cushing.
I'm trying to decide if I should call Carol and the boys.
What's the point? (ALARM BLARING) There's no turning back now.
Keep working.
Man your stations.
- Initiate Major Attack Option One.
- I agree.
- Shut up.
- Stop coaching.
Okay, wait, hold on, my family.
Too much skill.
Bess, just go, okay? Mid-course phase.
Warheads detaching.
Tracking more than 2,000.
No, no! Abort! Abort! General Bradley Now! Send a new EAM aborting it! Do it! Oh, for God's sake.
- Abort, abort.
- Come on.
- Silo covers clear.
- Agreed.
STEVIE: Oh, my God.
Launch actions.
Hands on keys.
I agree.
Fire on my mark.
Three, two, one, - mark.
We're off Code Night Watch.
All clear.
Wait, that's that's confirmed? Yes, ma'am.
All clear.
Thank you, Jimmy.
Thank you.
(SOBBING) Mom? Mom.
Are you okay? Oh, I just got so light-headed.
HENRY: Uh, she forgot to eat.
So, Jace, just go get her a pizza or something, okay? I need - Eat, Mom.
- Okay, yeah.
(CHUCKLES) STEVIE: You ready for this? (BOTH LAUGHING) Problem solved? He's not gonna like it.
POTUS was head faked into ordering Armageddon.
Not gonna like it is the least of your worries.
I just had a nice chat about organic juicing with my son in Santa Barbara, who I thought I was never going to see again, so this better be good, Gordon.
As you recall, sir, STRATCOM recently upgraded its systems; hardware, software Are you telling me this was some kind of glitch? No, sir.
Apparently, General Bradley wanted to run a stress test on this new equipment to see how it would interact with personnel.
- A stress test? - So he had his CTO upload a simulation on the backup system at the end of his shift last night because he wasn't gonna be in for the weekend.
God forbid he be inconvenienced.
DALTON: A simulation? I almost ended the world because of a simulation? Bradley didn't inform staff.
He wanted them to believe it was real.
Planned on running it when he got back in, but the primary system unexpectedly failed and the backup came on seamlessly, so no one in the GOC knew.
Pretty convincing simulation.
I think that's the point.
Fire Bradley.
I've already relieved him of duty, sir.
HILL: Didn't we change our procedures on simulations after '79? Supposed to be on computers off-site.
Like many four stars, Bradley doesn't lack confidence.
He ignored the rule.
And what if General Nelson didn't have clearance issues? Would Bradley have arrived in time to abort the launches? No, sir.
It slowed the order by almost two minutes.
We were down to the wire in a few of our launch control centers.
So the world was saved by a philandering general.
Maybe his mistress should get a medal.
I've ordered a review of our alert procedures, sir, - system wide.
- Well, that ought to take care of it.
We've been on this posture for over 50 years, what else do we need to know? - What are you getting at, Bess? - Isn't the problem the policy itself? Being on hair-trigger alert to order the destruction - of the planet.
- HILL: Like you said, it's worked for 50 years.
I didn't say it's worked.
It's more like we've been lucky.
The Russians are on ready-alert, too.
What choice do we have, but to counterbalance? De-alert our silos.
And how exactly would we do that? Remove the warheads from the missiles.
So it'd take several hours or days to rearm.
If we de-alert our ICBMs, it would put too much pressure on the other forces of the nuclear triad.
- There's a reason a stool has three legs.
- Our subs become vulnerable.
If there's a problem with our bombers We have 14 stealth subs, each with more than enough warheads to destroy Russia.
We have a hundred nuclear-armed bombers.
Clinging to the notion that we need to maintain ready-alert ICBMs, that means STRATCOM has three minutes to make the call to the crisis coordinator, who has two minutes to call the president.
And then POTUS has five minutes to make a decision.
I mean, talk about vulnerability.
It's insanity.
After what happened today, how could we come to any other conclusion? Maybe you should stay in your lane, Elizabeth.
Not if you're gonna blow up - the entire highway, Gordon.
- HILL: Okay, okay.
Even if we got the Russians to go along with the de-alerting, there would be no way we could verify that they were holding up their end.
We verified START I and II.
And what if there's a crisis and we have to go back on alert? A frenetic and unstable re-alerting race could spiral into a launch.
That threat could be managed.
But forcing leaders to make a snap decision about nuclear war with limited and hastily compiled information is untenable.
That's the game we're in, and it's not gonna change.
Why are you so dug in that you-you can't even see another point of view? I'm not gonna argue.
You're obviously having an emotional reaction.
Normally, I would have a problem with a man telling me that I was emotional at work, but after what happened today, after thinking that I was seeing my kids for the very last time, you are damn right I'm emotional.
And maybe emotion is what's missing from the stupid, so-called logic behind our dehumanized nuclear posture.
You know what's even stupider? We've been here before.
1979, like you alluded to, only back then it was NORAD.
They kicked it up to the NSA, who almost alerted Jimmy Carter because a simulation was triggered between shifts.
Talk about not learning a lesson.
How many times today did we hear, "This can't be a mistake.
This can't be a mistake"? Meanwhile, satellites pick up a couple routine launches practically every day, STRATCOM automatically starts the drill in response, again and again, rinse and repeat.
Bess is right.
This-this is not a rational, deliberate process.
It-it's the rote enactment of a prepared script that forces leaders to render decisions determining the fate of the planet and mankind under excruciating pressure.
If we, if we don't do everything in our power to fix it, reduce the odds of this happening again, then aren't we all complicit in recklessness that borders on immorality? We'll talk again tomorrow.
(GROANS) Russell hasn't gotten back to me, and Emma is freaking out.
God, she wants the whole guest list two months in advance; I mean, like, people lose their minds over weddings.
ALISON: And what's with Turks and Caicos? - Can you even afford that? - STEVIE: No! I cannot, I can't eat out for an entire month.
It is very insensitive of her.
- So blow it off.
- She's one of my best friends.
I can't do that.
You know, you guys, just go on, we got this.
- Okay.
- Back to compulsively checking my blog.
Oh, yeah, - when is your project due? - Um, a week from Friday.
I can't normalize.
Me, either.
How do we get our lives back? We just keep doing it, I guess.
What were you thinking about, when we were waiting? What a lucky man I am.
What a blessed life I'd had.
But sad, you know, for the kids, for the future they wouldn't get to have.
Me, too.
I thought of telling Lydia, but she was washing her face, complaining about her crow's feet.
I told her all I see are those beautiful eyes, and she called me a liar.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) If only she knew how beautiful she looked tonight.
Ignorance really is bliss.
Whole country.
HENRY: Well.
We were all in that oblivion for a little while, but now there's no going back.
No, indeed.
When I believed the Russians had launched, I kept trying to understand why.
I thought, if it's all going to hell, and I'm responsible for half of it, I should at least comprehend it.
HENRY: And what did you come up with? Well, you're gonna laugh.
And it's not the perfect analogue, Professor.
That fable about the scorpion and the frog.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) Well, that sounds about right.
I thought, well, we killed 300 Russians in Syria last week.
It must just be President Salnikov's nature to retaliate with everything they've got.
I know it doesn't make sense, but that's what keeps spinning in my mind.
Things that don't make sense.
Like what if these missiles don't protect us nearly as much as they threaten us? We need to do everything we can to make sure that our policies make sense, and if they don't, we need to change them.
I thought you wanted to sleep on it.
I did.
Until I realized I can't sleep without doing something.
Name it.
Back channel with the Russians.
I'm guessing they got a whiff of our silo doors opening.
If you can get any interest in mutual de-alerting, maybe we push for a new treaty.
I'll drink to that.
Isn't it a little late to call Moscow? Avdonin is in the Caymans at a banking conference or money laundering.
I want to back channel right in front of him on this one.
DAISY: Hey, gang.
- Pass me that pitcher, and a straw.
- ALL: Hey.
What news from the world? Same.
Just cable news continuously reporting on Marine One landing on the golf course, Air Force One's mystery flight, and high-level officials being whisked away and all of a sudden, returned.
Well, everyone at the White House is saying that it was some kind of drill, so For nuclear evacuation also, I have a friend at the Pentagon - saying it wasn't a drill.
- What? Hey, you were whisked away from the tennis courts.
That was a nanny thing.
No, that wasn't your nanny face.
Here's what I think.
I think it wasn't a drill, and Jay got whisked.
Because he's on the list.
What list? The list, dude, the-the people that get taken to Mount Weather.
It's an underground city where they keep a small population going for a couple of years.
How do you know if you're on the list? Well, they tell you.
For example, I know I am not on the list, so My skin will be melting off my bones along with all of you lovely people.
- You're welcome.
- (SNORTS) But you're-you're on it, though, aren't you? I mean, come on, you can tell us.
We're not gonna hold it against you.
Can we change the subject? - Seriously.
- Uh-oh.
I knew it.
I'm not saying I'm on the list.
(LAUGHS) But let me, let me just tell you what that particular privilege buys you.
Tell him.
You get whisked away, you do Mm-hmm.
without saying good-bye to your friends and family.
And then, you get to be in an underground bunker with generals and top government brass for weeks or months, eating MREs and drinking ionized water.
You emerge after the radiation's reduced to livable levels, at which point, you get to try to pick out your loved ones' bones from the rubble and ash.
And then, you spend however many years running the bombed out husk of the former United States government under martial law.
That's not a list that you want to be on.
Have a good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
He's definitely on the list.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Secretary McCord.
I was surprised to hear you requested to meet after what happened in Syria last week.
The loss of life was tragic, and I am truly sorry for the soldiers' families.
But that's not why I'm here.
Did you not get the message that I declined this meeting? I did.
Yet you flew over a thousand miles just to come here anyway.
How do you say, "This better be good.
" (EXHALES) We need to overhaul our nuclear weapons posture.
Oh, is that all? Specifically, the hair trigger.
Alert status, you call it boy-eh-voy stat-tohs.
Curious timing.
GRU reported an interesting military exercise your country performed yesterday.
(SIGHS) Well, let's just say, made a compelling argument for de-alerting.
You must have had quite a day.
I can get another one.
No, thanks.
All I'm asking is if you think there might be an opening for a new treaty.
Maybe even reducing stockpiles.
We cherish our children as much as you do, Elizabeth.
This this is an initial proposal for a framework.
We could even start now.
Gordon Becker, ma'am.
I heard about your little jaunt to the Caymans.
Well, yeah, I alerted your office.
And coffee? You're giving the president bad advice.
Well, isn't that for him to decide? I know you're the Dalton whisperer, but now you're getting into just Excuse me, what? Oh, come on, Elizabeth.
Everybody knows you play the friend card with him.
Really? I'm just trying to decide if that's more insulting to me or POTUS.
Look, I've never balked at your out-of-the-box ideas when it comes to diplomacy, but now you're infringing on national security.
Well, as a member of the National Security Council, I fail to see how I'm infringing on anything.
You are threatening long-standing security policy.
Threatening? If questioning how things have been done is threatening, - doesn't that tell you something? - Fine.
I'm happy to authorize a thorough feasibility review.
Feasibility of what? No one questions that we can de-alert.
There's nothing not feasible about it.
I think we need to study that.
You mean jam it up.
And kill any hope of passage in the Senate, where there is literally an ICBM caucus.
Politics ain't beanbag.
No, it ain't.
So what's it gonna take to move you on this, Gordon? I mean, how can we work together to make this world a safer place for our kids? Our kids are safest when we maintain the most robust deterrent possible to Russian aggression.
Look what happened last week in Syria.
They saw weakness in our relationship with Turkey, and not 24 hours later, they were exploiting it to attack our troops.
But is a regional dust-up really comparable to what happened yesterday? Giving up even a shred of strategic advantage I'll never get behind it.
After decades in the Pentagon, that's just where I am.
You need to let this go.
ALISON: I totally need to change my project.
I need at least 50 likes on my blog post to qualify, and I'm at 28.
What is wrong with people? Uh, they don't care about ponchos.
That's my first guess.
STEVIE: Russell Jackson is ruining my life.
I have texted him twice and e-mailed once about Emma's wedding radio silence.
I mean, what else am I supposed to be doing?! Maybe just give him a few more days.
I just feel like he could show me the respect of a one-word response.
You know? Like, come on, other people have lives.
Oh, for Pete's sake, Stevie, the man's busy.
He has a lot more on his mind than your spoiled friend's Caribbean wedding.
Okay, Mom might be just a little bit over-carbed.
We're gonna take a time out.
Come on.
ELIZABETH: They gotta hand it to me, first real snap since this whole thing started.
- Okay, what's going on? - You mean, other than seeing my life go up in a nuclear flash? - Uh yeah, other than that.
- (SIGHS) Gordon and Ellen are still against taking our nukes off the hair trigger.
Even with Russian cooperation.
- (SIGHS) - I mean, it's like I went and I got the witch's broom and the Wizard still won't send me home.
I Now I understand why they call the inner sanctum at the Pentagon the "priesthood".
Our nuclear stance is, like, their dogma.
Even the most stodgy religious institutions can change with time.
Yeah, well, we don't have that.
And the Catholic Church was never in danger of blowing up the world while they were evolving.
It's Okay, let's use the Socratic method.
- Oh, please.
- How do you get both the Church and the government to change their position on anything? I don't I don't know.
(SIGHS HEAVILY) Popular demand.
And where does popular demand come from? You mean other than the people? Why did the Protestant Reformation happen? Hurry this up, Socrates.
The printing press.
Putting the Bible into the hands of the people.
The Church couldn't control the information anymore.
If you want to change our nuclear policy, you need the people on your side.
To get them, you need to tell them how close we came.
RUSSELL: Why the hell would we declassify any of it? (SIGHS) Because sunlight is the best disinfectant.
Yes, and it causes cancer, too.
Sir, I am convinced that the only way to move the Senate on de-alerting is to bring the public into it.
- By scaring the crap out of them.
- Yes, exactly.
The secrecy has lulled everybody into this false sense of security.
It's time we wake 'em up.
Then they'll pressure their senators, you think, into, uh, getting on board with de-alerting? I do.
Or it'll be a black eye on this administration.
Hell, it could put us in traction, giving more ammo to our already considerable opposition in Congress, and you'll be the lamest lame duck in history, sir.
So release it all.
Every false alarm, glitch and close call all the way back to the '50s, including by the Russians.
And the priesthood will buckle.
Well, certainly those in the Senate worried about the next election.
I say yeah.
Let's scare the crap out of America.
- 35 seconds, Mr.
- Thank you, Amy.
Lock it up, everyone.
- 30 seconds.
- Well - any second thoughts? - (SIGHS): Always.
But it's a bold move, sir.
Hey, I, uh, heard you're working on a model airplane.
- Corsair.
- From who? 15 seconds.
If you could please have a seat, Mr.
Break a leg, sir.
Are we sure this is the right color tie? (MAN CHUCKLES) And five, four, three Good evening, my fellow Americans.
I want to share with you a crisis that unfolded this past Saturday.
Fortunately, it was resolved with no harm done, but as stakeholders in our nation's safety and security, you deserve to know what happened.
At 10:48 in the morning, I was informed that Russia had launched a massive nuclear attack against the United States.
Every indication was that it was real and would strike in 20 minutes.
My fellow citizens I ordered an equally massive counterattack.
NEWSWOMAN: After weeks of protest in the U.
and around the globe, the United States and Russia have agreed to a treaty to take their ICBMs off hair-trigger alert.
Seeing the overwhelming popular support for the new policy, a supermajority of U.
senators have signaled they will ratify the treaty, which would also draw clear parameters U.
-India Strategic and Commercial Dialogue Support for local female entrepreneurs manufacturing sea salt in Indonesia.
Fact-checked and footnoted, with alphabetical headings and subheadings.
I say "boom" sometimes.
No, I'm just I am staggered by your speed and persistence.
Well, they're my superpowers.
(LAUGHS) Good job.
All right, go, go, go.
Go have a Saturday.
(CLEARS THROAT) What's up? I want more.
Oh, my God, you're one of us.
Okay, um earthquake resilience development in Turkmenistan.
Come on, Waffles.
Come on.
Let's get a break.
MAN: Hey, is that a beagle? Sure is.
- Rumor is his parents were show dogs.
- (LAUGHS) You get him, uh, from a breeder? No, he's a rescue.
I've been thinking of doing that.
How's it working out? Well, so far, so good.
JAY: Right where we left off.
One-four, my serve.
Man, I can't even believe I got a point off of you, - let alone, what, four games? - Will you stop? You're going down.
I hope you're hungry, - 'cause you're gonna eat this.
- Let's go.
(VIDEO GAME TIRES SCREECH) ALISON: See, Dad? Once you got over the not-crashing phase, you're unstoppable.
I love crashing.
It's my thing.
Okay, well, the game's not over yet.
STEVIE: All but the crying.
He's five laps ahead.
Okay, I'm making nachos.
Ooh, yes, please.
And guacamole.
I am only one person.
(GROANS) Okay, I'll chop and shred.
- You mean like I'm doing right now? - Oh, okay, yeah, keep it up.
They did a nice job of sodding over where Marine One landed.
Almost like it never happened.
Take it, uh Gordon and Ellen bowed politely out of the game? Quite politely.
(CHUCKLES) They're still stinging over de-alerting, but they'll come around.
I am just grateful to play a quiet round of golf without worrying about nuclear winter.
Not that it can't happen anyway, but at least we, uh, turned the odds significantly in our favor.
(CHUCKLES): Bess you want to go ahead and put him out of his bliss? Well, actually, I'm a little rusty, but Huh.
I let the president win.
HENRY: Smart.
Russell I hammered.
(CHUCKLES): Good for you.
So, what's this return visit about? Sort of a full-circle celebration? Sorta.
It just felt appropriate.
This whole ordeal has reminded me about the importance of civic duty.
It's reaffirmed my faith in the process, you know? I do.
We got this enormous thing done, Henry, and I feel a responsibility to make sure it doesn't get undone.
When the time comes I want to run for president.
I know.
- You do? - Mm-hmm.
I really didn't.
But that's nothing new.
There's one other thing I know.
I'm with you.