Major Lazer (2015) s01e01 Episode Script

Bad Seed

1 [warbling, static] [theme music playing] # Major # # Lazer # # Major Lazer # # Major Lazer # # Major Lazer # # Major Lazer # Yeah! [echoing] [beeping] # Major Lazer # [laughter] [music playing] [squeaking] [radio tuning] PG Tipps on radio: Greetings, Jah Warriors! [reggae music playing] Tonight's episode is about weed.
'Cause from the beginning of time, everybody enjoyed trees, you know? Sometimes people just need to relax, even kings and thieves.
Major Lazer, our hero of this generation, is going on a little ganja vacation.
Going on a weed retreat Major Lazer's on vacation Weed retreat He won't be here to save the nation Old rasta, I'm going on a high-atus.
Hold down the bar for me.
See ya in a week.
You have enough meditation medication? [Chuckles] Ja, man.
Take care now.
[Door slams] Hey, Major Lazer, I'm all packed and ready to get high.
Penny, I go on this vacation alone.
But that's not fair, Major Lazer.
No means no, and now I go.
[Humphs] I'm gonna get high if it's the last thing I do.
[Reggae music playing] Penny: # Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # Whoa See, they don't understand that I I got issues of my own So I need to get high Gotta get in my zone Major Lazer won't let me He's telling me I'm not ready, no But I'm gonna show them, I'm gonna show them I need to get away tonight Something's gotta give right now There's gotta be a way for me to know Where the weed man lives, somehow The rasta's useless Major Lazer doesn't want me to do this No But ain't nobody telling me what to do, I'm grown I'm going out on my own Out on my own I'm going out on my own Doing what I gotta do Even if I gotta do it alone Out on my own Out on my own I'm going out on my own Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah [Switches clacking] # It's me, man # I am your weed man's weed man If you're looking for trees, man I got everything you need, man Sour diesel, purple haze Every kind, I breed man Don't mess with none of my seeds, man I'm quick to make a bitch bleed, man I'm the weed man Weed man I'm the weed man A'ight, see this plant over here? Lemme tell you about this one over here Bad bitch, Mary Jane Purple hair, insane Won't feel your toes if she gave you brain Numb you up like novocaine Wanna try her? Gotta buy her Wanna sell her? I'm the supplier Try to steal her, I'ma harm you I'm a shooter too, not just a farmer Weed man Weed man I'm the weed man Weed man It don't matter if it's green like my money Brown like the mud I let the trees grow, then I pick the buds Welcome to my farm Another day in the life of my farm I'll take it.
[Music playing] Penny: # Get up # Get high Get high, high Time to get lifted We want to get lifted Wanna take a trip with me To a magical place Where ain't nobody worried about sound We all got our own space Well, there's no need to be scared Major Lazer will be there At the same time, you'll be here You'll be there, you'll be everywhere [Thunder crashes] # I said you're high # [vocalizing] [Ominous music playing] [Music playing] [Evil laughter] Mr.
Mary Jane: # Not quite what you imagined, is it? # [Laughs] [Laughs] Feels like it's laced With some kind of acid It's a bad trip You wish you never had this Shoulda took the advice the old rasta gave ya 'Cause even now Major Lazer can't save ya! Bet you wish you'd never smoked this No, no, no, no Bet you wish you'd never smoked this No, no, no, no The farmer try to warn ya Say the ganja gonna harm ya But you steal the seed, because you want the weed Thinking it gonna calm you Now the vines, dem swarm you You can't escape this High Hello, Penny I'm Mr.
Mary Jane Bet you wish you'd never smoked this No, no, no, no [Birds chirping] [Wind blowing] [Echoing] Major Lazer, help me! I'm in trouble! [Evil laugh] Penny's in trouble.
I'm coming for ya, baby girl! [Music playing] # Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey # [Laughs] - Major Lazer: Let her go, man! - Huh? [Hums, Lazer firing] Look out! [Grunts] I'll keep growing back, Major Lazer! - You'll never kill me! - Why kill weed - when I can smoke weed? - What? [Sizzling] Nooo! Hey, hey, hey, hey Thank you so much, Major Lazer.
- I got too high.
- The only problem with getting this high is coming back down.
Brace yourself, hard.
[Music playing] Major Lazer, I am so sorry I ruined your vacation.
Don't worry, Penny.
It's all part of the journey.
Now let's go get us some beef patties.
I'm starving.
[Ominous music playing] [Screeches] Penny: # You're high # [Vocalizing] If you like, you can kiss the sky I said you're high [Vocalizing] [Chitters]