Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s01e25 Episode Script

Won't Get Fooled Again

1 DRAX: Where is the food? Drax the Destroyer requires food! (STOMACH GROWLING) (GROANS) (DRAX MOANS) No way, Drax.
My food.
- Mine! - I am Groot.
Okay, "our food," Mr.
That don't mean I gotta share! (EXCLAIMS) That is exactly what it means, Rocket.
Now give me food, or I will feast on your roasted carcass.
- (SWORD UNSHEATHING) - GAMORA: Put the rodent down.
Who you calling "rodent"? Hey, kids, I got a great idea.
Instead of killing each other, why don't we stop somewhere for snacks? SVEL SMARD: That's right, the Guardians of the Galaxy have taken Flood World by storm.
Their heroic faces now adorn every flotbart on the planet.
PETER: Oh, how about Flood World? It's close.
Apparently they love us there.
See? Now, that's what I'm talking about.
Back in my Ravager days with Yondu, no one ever called us heroes.
Doors were locked.
Shields raised.
We have never been to Flood World.
So our legend is preceding us.
This whole saving-the-galaxy thing is finally starting to pay off! ROCKET: Not yet, it ain't.
That's my mug on that flotbart, which means somebody owes me big-time units! For a place called Flood World, it's pretty devoid of floods.
Hello, Flood World! Guardians in the house! Obviously shy around celebrities.
I am Groot! (INHABITANTS MURMURING) Something isn't right here.
Oh, relax, Gamora.
PETER: I just have one thing to say to all you people.
- INHABITANT: What? - You're welcome.
Now, whatever reward you simple townies have to offer, it's not below us to graciously accept.
Well, then, why don't you join us in the square for your big reward? See? Told you.
ROCKET: Uh, Quill? That don't look like no reward to me.
This is the Doom-Giver of Flood World.
I approve of this gift.
I will give much doom with it.
No, they're gonna give us the doom.
On behalf of the Guardians, I humbly accept this rew Aw, krutack.
(CLAMORING) Uh Oh Whoa! Sharp! Sharp blades! (INHABITANTS SHOUTING) Guardians of the Galaxy, you will now pay for your crimes.
What crimes? We just got here.
Lies! You were here three days ago.
You saved us from a giant beast that was gonna destroy our town.
I think I would remember that.
Besides, if we saved you, wasn't that a good thing? Sure, until we got back to our homes and found we'd been robbed of our valuables.
We were never here! (GRUNTS) Well, then, I guess this is some awful mistake that's gonna end in tragedy.
Not today.
(GRUNTS) (GROANS) I am Groot.
(ALL GROANING) My friend said we weren't here.
Then it was someone who looked like you.
Or, now that I look closer, someone who looked somewhat like you.
Wait a minute.
I know this scam.
Ha-ha! So you admit it was a scam.
(FIRING WEAPONS) Give them a taste of their own doom! (DRAX GRUNTS) (CLAMORING) - You know this scam? - I invented this scam.
Called it the "Trick or Treat".
And only one other person in the galaxy knows how to pull it off.
Fear not, good townspeople! The Guardians of the Galaxy are here! (CHEERING) (GROANS) These straps are chafing me.
Try itching to death in fur.
I am a Groot thing.
(QUIETLY) "I am Groot.
" Thought he was Groot, Yondu.
YONDU: We've come to save you from danger.
A danger so great you must evacuate your town immediately.
(BEEP) Cue the danger.
He said "danger.
" RAVAGER: Aw, cutie.
Douse the beastie.
Oh, yeah.
(SHRIEKS) (GROWLING) YONDU: I speak of the Droom, a giant armored beast who will destroy you all! A terror beyond imagining! (CHATTERING) I said, "A terror beyond imagining!" (DROOM GROWLING) (CROWD SCREAMING) (ROARING) (SIGHS) Finally.
Save yourselves! The Guardians will guard all your possessions! (GROWLING) All right.
What are you chuds waiting for? Let's clean them out! And you, dehydrate our big scaly friend before he trashes the town.
(ROARS) So you and Yondu would release these dangerous creatures to frighten the inhabitants away? That's the trick part.
Then you'd rob the place.
I am Groot.
This does not sound like a treat to those you were protecting.
It wasn't.
Because we got the treat.
Get it? Trick or Treat.
Would that not be Trick "and" Treat? Okay, look.
The point is, Yondu must be stopped.
Because he's endangering lives? Or because he stole your idea? Because he's making me look bad.
(SCREAMING) (ROARING) I can do this, I can do this, I can do this! (WHIMPERING) Whoa! (LAUGHS) Too late.
I did it.
I already got you.
More water.
That's not good.
You take care of that Droom? Uh, sort of? What part of "dehydrate that thing" didn't you understand? Come on, let's go! Uh, but what about the Droom? YONDU: Somebody else's problem now.
Just some kinda giant reptile running amok.
That would be the trick.
Which means Yondu was here.
(GROWLS) (GRUNTS) ROCKET: Whoo! (GROWLS) Whoa! Hey, what'd I ever do to you? We can use this.
Rocket, lure it out of town! Aah! Too busy trying to stay alive! You can multitask! So can that thing.
Oh! No! No, no, no, no! No! Aah! (GROANS) (ROARING) - ALL: Rocket! - I'm Groot.
You guys think Rocket could've survived? Not anymore.
ROCKET: Get me out of this krutackin' thing's toes! I am Groot! (GROWLS) Eat dirt, lizard lips! (GRUNTING) PETER: Hey, fun fact.
Mud in the face makes Drooms really angry.
I've got an idea.
Follow my lead.
(DRAX YELLS AND GROANS) (GROWLING) (YELLING) PETER: Everybody okay? Other than smelling like toe cheese? Dandy.
You saved our town.
You all look so different, so much more heroic than before.
Uh, about before.
What if I told you that wasn't even us? - (WHISPERING) - Eh? - Huh? - (GASPS) Our shops have been looted! The storehouse has been robbed! After them! (CLAMORING) Fire up the Milano! We gotta get out of here! I would like to point out that we still have not obtained any food.
First things first.
If I know Yondu, he's not done here yet.
SVEL SMARD: iFear not, citizens of Flood World.
This evacuation will be brief.
The Guardians of the Galaxy will save us from the coming monstrosity.
That's right, good people of Flood World, get to safety.
We'll protect all of your goodies.
(GROWLING) ALL: Huh? Uh (ROARING) Now, let me show you how it's done.
(CHITTERING) (CHUCKLES) Quill couldn't have done that trick better himself, boss.
Now let's treat ourselves.
Gotta, gotta get back Gotta, gotta get back Gotta, gotta get back Gotta, gotta get back Gotta, gotta get back (CHUCKLES) Mine.
Trick or Treat, huh? You don't mind my stealing your idea, do you, Quill? But all the stuff you stole is going back.
Didn't I teach you no respect, boyo? Yondu don't take orders from nobody.
(WHISTLES) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! You're supposed to be me? I didn't want to be.
How do you wear this itchy thing all day? (LAUGHS) Wear this! (YELLING) You don't look a thing like me.
Well, you don't look a thing like me either, lady.
It is as though I gaze into a reflective device.
Really? That part you are doing with your face now That is wrong.
Ow! (WHIMPERING) I am Groot? Yeah, that's right.
I am the Groot too.
I am Groot! "I am the Groot," "I am Groot.
" Come on.
What's the difference? I am Groot! Nobody messes with my reputation.
(GRUNTING) Helping people's made you soft, hero.
I taught you better than that.
You gotta help yourself! That's not who I am anymore.
Think you changed just 'cause you saved the galaxy? All you've done is formed your own gang.
That's who you are.
Who I am is the guy you're impersonating, badly.
I'm also the guy who's stopping you.
I already buried your last monster.
(WHISTLING) (WHIMPERS) You buried it? This entire planet is connected by underground rivers, and when the moons are full, they flood the surface.
I was wondering why they called it Flood World.
(RUMBLING) Quill, you bonehead! Don't you know what happens when Drooms get soaking wet? (GROWLING) (ROARING) Um, they grow wings? You better grow legs, fast! (BOTH YELLING) (BOTH ROCKETS) Did that Droom just (BOTH GAMORAS) Eat them? Uh-huh.
YONDU: See what happens when you try to play hero? We get ate by a Droom! Hey! You know, unlike you, Yondu, I'm not playing hero.
I am a hero.
(BOTH SCREAMING) Pretty sorry one at that.
Yeah? Well, you're a lousy thief.
No, no, no.
Worse than a thief.
You're a copycat! Huh? I don't know what that means, but you take it back! FAUX GAMORA: That's it, we're outta here.
Your leader is in danger.
Where are you going? Anywhere but here! (BEEPING) That mine attached to your ship and this detonator say otherwise.
Try to leave, and ba-boom! No, seriously, try it.
I want to blow up the ship.
If you survive, you'll be stranded here, eaten by your monster or punished by the people you robbed.
How do we stop that thing? It It It doesn't like heat.
Well, why didn't you say so? We can bring the heat.
We just need a decoy.
Someone that thing will chase.
(ALL MUMBLING) Okay, um But, uh, I I didn't want to do this.
Welcome to my world, furry.
(GROWLING) (ROARING) (QUILL AND YONDU GRUNTING) (SCREAMING) You're going to help me up, ain't that right, boyo? Um, hello? Hi! I'm Rocket! Look at me! (ROARS) We got its attention! Go, go, go! Whoa! (ROARING) (LAUGHING) GAMORA: Rocket, are the heat cannons ready? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I, uh I just want to watch fake me squirm a little more.
(CHUCKLES) Have you forgotten Quill is still inside that monster? Not entirely.
Come on, now.
I raised you as my own.
Out of the goodness of my heart.
First, tell me you're proud of what I've become.
A hero.
I'd rather burn.
Whoa! Yondu! You should've let me fall.
You're weak, boyo.
(ROARING) Keep the heat on, Gammy.
It's down to almost half its size.
Hang on! (ROARING) - (ALARM BLARING) - We lost the stabilizer hub.
- Somebody take over while I fix it.
- Drax will help.
(GROWLING) Think the beast is gonna spew.
(GRUNTS) Keep moving.
We can make it.
(GROWLING) (GRUNTS) Knew we shouldn't have trusted those Guardians.
They're worse than us! (GASPS) (GROWLING) We can't take another hit from that monster! Heat cannons to full power! (GROWLING) Aah! It's gonna blow! (GROWLING) Oh, no! You popped Quill! I am Groot.
(COUGHING) - YONDU: Well, that was fun.
- Huh? Like old times.
Guess I'll be going.
(SIGHS) You just don't get it, do you? Come on.
You know what you have to do.
I don't gotta do nothing.
(WHISTLES) Huh? I'm really so Mmm I'm sor (GRUNTS) Say it again.
More sincere this time.
I'm sorry.
(GASPS) (CHUCKLES) If I ever, ever, ever hear of you pulling this job again, I'll be chopping off more than costumes.
I am Groot.
(STAMMERING) You are Groot.
Yeah, I got it.
I got it.
- And now - (GROANS) You will never do it again! (YELLING) Oh, man.
I think you ought to keep wearing that outfit.
(LAUGHS) It suits you.
(LAUGHS) DRAX: Not so fast, counterfeit rodent! Drax the Destroyer will have food! What? It is a delicacy among my people.
PETER: That's it, Yondu.
This is your last Trick or Treat.
I done told you, boyo.
Yondu don't take orders from nobody.
- That's not what I heard.
- What you talking about? You didn't raise me out of the goodness of your heart.
My dad, J'Son of Spartax, paid you to mold me into a pirate so I could continue some stupid quest for him.
Found that out, did you? So now you gonna return the favor and mold me into a hero? Get this straight, boyo.
Yondu ain't no Guardian! (SPACESHIP WHIRRING) (SIGHS) You believe I ever wanted that guy's approval? Cheer up, Quill.
You're about to get it, whether Yondu likes it or not.
Quill: Haha, trick or treat, Yondu!