Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s02e08 Episode Script

Me and You and a Dog Named Cosmo

1 - I am Groot.
- [Rocket.]
Got that right, bud.
Ain't every day a princess invites you to a party for helping avert a war.
It's a peace conference, Rocket, not a party.
The Rigellians and the Empathetics still have a lot of issues to grapple with.
Drax the Destroyer is an excellent grappler.
I must ensure the success of this conference for Princess Tana.
She is like a daughter to me.
That's why we must all wear the traditional Rigellian headgear.
[chuckles.]
Pass.
Hats are beneath me.
You lick your own fur, but helmets are beneath your dignity? Look, wearing the silly hats is the one thing we have to do to get into the party.
[grunting.]
[thudding.]
Okay.
There's one more thing we have to do.
Break up the fight before there's no food left for the party.
Empathetic barbarian! Rigellian oppressor! [grunts, yells.]
This is intolerable, Jukka.
As leader of the Empathetics, you must wear the helmet.
It represents Rigellian tradition and heritage.
Know what else they represent, Grand Commissioner? Rigellian conformity, suppression of emotions, and hat hair! Let me show you what I think of your helmets! [grunts.]
[grunts.]
Allow me to return the favor.
[both grunting.]
Father, Jukka, please stop.
This is a peace conference.
Step aside, Tana.
You may be a neutral party, but I must teach this emotional ruffian a lesson.
[both grunting.]
Seriously, who cares about a krutackin' hat? Apparently they do.
[grunts.]
Cosmo, where are you? We need security in the marketplace, now! [grunts.]
Which you should know already, being a telepathic pooch and all.
[cries out.]
I haven't seen a food fight this good since I nailed Mikey Coogan with a trayful of sloppy [cries out.]
This is a peace conference.
Cease this fighting, or I will hurt you! How dare you wear the red Helmets of War instead of the gray Helmets of Peace! I was unaware the hats came in different colors.
Okay, okay.
Hey, look.
Hey, look.
We're removing the Helmets of War.
See? [gasps.]
How dare you allow the helmets to touch the ground! And we're picking the helmets up.
Mmm [yells.]
[all grunt.]
[creaking.]
Whoa! Somebody gonna pick that up? [rumbling.]
[clamoring.]
I am Groot! [straining.]
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
[both straining.]
Hold on! I'll weld the support struts! Quill, no! The heat is softening the metal! [both grunt.]
[straining.]
[gasps, sighs.]
Couldn't have just done that in the first place? [Tana.]
In light of this breach of protocol, I propose we postpone the opening ceremony and proceed directly to negotiations, so that the helmet issue may be resolved.
[both.]
Agreed.
[sighs.]
As you can see, there is still much tension between the Rigellians and Empathetics.
We will require extra security at the conference.
We will see to it, Tana, once we find that tiny mammal, Cosmo.
Thank you, Drax.
So, uh, no party? We just have to do one more thing.
You know how many "one more things" I've done already? Huh! Where is that mutt? [whistles.]
Cosmo! Here, boy! Cosmo! I'm just thinking nasty thoughts.
That usually brings the mind-readin' mutt runnin'.
Should we not search his office? Yeah, right.
A dog with an office.
Okay, so a dog with an office.
One to grow on.
[grunts.]
I ain't stooping so low to go through a doggie door.
And you can take that literally, Drax.
Ugh! Dog drool.
Ugh! Why would he leave this thing on the comm unit? Oh.
Maybe 'cause it is the comm unit.
You believe you have reached Cosmo, but Cosmo believes you should believe in leaving message at sound of beep.
You can believe Cosmo will call back.
Holy krutack! You hear that? Cosmo's joined the Believers! What, just because he said "believe" a lot? Come on.
He's a dog.
He has a limited vocabulary.
Rocket may be right.
The Believers have been scooping up a lot of people with mind powers, like Mantis and Ebony Maw.
Cosmo is not a person, but he does have mind powers.
You know, that's just your anti-dog prejudice talking.
Cosmo can't be a traitor.
He's man's best friend! I am Groot.
Like the tree says, we ain't men.
And Cosmo's gone missing right when Knowhere is hosting several powerful Rigellian telekinetics.
The peace conference could be a target for the Believers.
We'll start by tracking down Cosmo, who would never be a traitor.
I will provide security for the conference.
We cannot allow harm to come to Princess Tana.
Especially from you.
I propose we settle the issue of headgear.
If the Empathetics will not wear the ceremonial helmets, could they at least be persuaded to comb their unruly hair? That sounds like a reasonable compromise.
Jukka? [sighs.]
Sure.
Whatever.
Then I believe we should begin [pounding on door.]
[grunts.]
You believe? Traitor! - [Gamora.]
Drax, no! - Huh? Stop! [grunts.]
[grunting.]
[grunts.]
Govern your emotions, brute.
They will be the end of you.
You betray your own daughter! Back off, flatliner! Delegates, please! [Drax straining.]
[beeping.]
Looks like someone used the Continuum Cortex recently.
Judging by these fresh paw prints, I'd say it's our mutt.
We gotta follow him.
Program it to send us to the same coordinates.
I am Groot.
Passport wristbands.
Good idea, Groot.
Don't want this to be a one-way trip.
Okay, Rocket.
Hit it.
[beeping.]
[whirring.]
Hmm? I believe, I believe, I believe [quietly.]
I think we're on a Believer ship.
So, the pooch teleported right into the heart of our enemies.
Yeah.
Probably just a big, fat, old coinkidink.
You know, how about we find Cosmo first before we jump to conclusions? [groans.]
All right, fine.
But remember, the mutt's a mind reader, so don't think about him, or he'll know we're here.
I am Groot.
What did I just say? I told ya not to think about him, bark-for-brains! What are Quill, rodent, and tree friend doing here? What are we doing here? What are you doing here? Yeah, on a Believer ship, ya turncoat! Away to put weapons.
Cosmo is no coat-turner.
Is undercover.
See? I knew he wasn't a traitor.
Who's a good boy? You are.
Ugh! Cosmo thinks Believers have plan to sabotage Rigellian peace talks.
But Believers able to mask thoughts from Cosmo.
Cosmo must dig for truth like buried bone.
[Mantis.]
Intruders! The Guardians of the Galaxy.
How utterly predictable.
[Rocket yells.]
[all grunt.]
[Groot groans.]
Take the Star-Lord and his friends to a holding cell until judgment can be rendered.
Although I believe they will be found guilty.
[groaning.]
[groaning.]
[groans.]
Still think your four-legged pal is on our side? [groans.]
Okay, yes, this looks bad, but there's gotta be an explanation.
I am Groot.
That fleabag blasted us in the back! What more proof do ya need? Look.
Cosmo left us a means to escape.
He would've taken our passport wristbands if he really betrayed us, right? [dog whimpering.]
Or he's just stupid, like everything else from your planet.
Either way, let's just use 'em and get outta here.
[whimpering continues.]
That sounds like Cosmo.
We gotta save him.
I am Groot.
Fine! But only to put a muzzle on that krutackin' howling.
Ugh! I believe I can get us outta here.
Don't start.
Quill! Rocket! I need backup at the conference! Quill? [grunts.]
Believer spy! Your treachery will not disrupt this conference! [grunts.]
[yells.]
Unhand me, barbarian! Drax, please release him.
My father and I may disagree on many things, but he is no traitor.
Ow! Huh? I will be watching you, tiny bearded man.
I appreciate your vigilance, Drax, but you must realize the delicacy of these negotiations.
That is why I will make sure they are not sabotaged by Believer spies.
Perhaps you can do that from outside the room? Or at least sitting quietly in the corner? I'll keep an eye on him.
Let us begin the negotiations with opening statements.
- Grand Commissioner, would you care to - I object! How can we trust you to be an impartial judge when you choose to wear the very symbol of Rigellian conformity? Trust me, you are not a hat person.
- Hey! - How dare you insult Princess Tana! All hats compliment her features! I know who is endangering the conference.
- Who? Tell me, and I will - It's you, Drax! Not the Rigellians, not the Empathetics, and not the Believers.
You! But I was attempting to help.
I know.
Just don't.
[Cosmo whimpering.]
Your only belief was that you could deceive us, Cosmo.
[whimpers.]
Pity.
He could've turned so many into Believers.
Once we've harvested all of his psychic energy, he still will.
Come.
Our ship approaches Knowhere.
Now's our chance.
I am Groot! [Believers yelling.]
Let's get you outta here, pal.
[growling.]
[exclaims.]
[growling continues.]
[barking.]
Uhh! Aah! I take it back! That furball's a traitor through and through! [growling.]
He's just behaving like a normal dog.
[ barking.]
This thing must've sucked out his intelligence along with his mind powers.
Yeah, well, if he don't quit yapping, he's gonna alert the whole stinking ship! [barking continues.]
Grab him so we can teleport outta here! I am Groot! [groans.]
Fine.
I'll catch him.
Surrender, Guardians! I believe you can kiss my grits.
[both grunt.]
[chomp.]
[exclaims.]
[muffled growling.]
Quill, now! [Jukka laughing.]
You know what I think about helmets? I think somebody's compensating for something.
You know the old saying: "Big hat, small brain.
" Your statement is both incorrect and insulting the product of an overly emotional infant.
You're not helping, Father.
Both of you, please apologize.
I will not apologize for speaking the truth.
Well, there's one thing we can agree on, old man.
[Grand Commissioner.]
I have not yet begun to agree.
Drax, help me stop this.
- You ordered me not to help.
- [Jukka.]
I can do this all day! [Grand Commissioner.]
As can I.
Use your powers to throw him into the fight.
That'll get him going.
Hey! No fighting at the peace conference.
We got a situation.
[grunts.]
[whistles.]
Thought you might like to know the Believers are about to attack.
[Grand Commissioner, Jukka grunting.]
They would not listen to me either.
[grunting continues.]
[groans.]
Aah! What happened to my powers? How did you do this? My telekinetic abilities have also failed.
The only rational explanation is the action of an outside force.
[groaning.]
Something must be draining all of our powers.
[beeping.]
Specifically, that "something.
" [Gamora.]
The Believers.
[Mantis.]
Psychic energy siphon at maximum capacity.
Locking on target.
[Rocket.]
The Believers ain't just draining your powers, they're draining all of Knowhere! [barking.]
If Cosmo's any indication, once they're done draining your powers, it's bye-bye, brain.
[Mantis.]
Commencing psychic energy upload.
[groans.]
[groans.]
Huh? Rejoice, Rigellians! Your mental powers will serve the Believers! Yeah, right after you turn their brains into mush.
Okay, listen up.
We're gonna need a two-prong strategy here one prong to take out that Believer flagship, and the other to rally the Rigellians to fight back.
I approve of these prongs.
Rocket and Groot, you're with me in the Milano.
I am Groot.
Bad dog! Stay! [whining.]
Stay! Stay! [barking.]
[beeping.]
[Rocket.]
Target locked.
Hit 'em with everything we've got! I'm trying! [barking.]
The belief siphon charges our shields faster than their feeble weapons can deplete them.
[barking.]
Yeah, go chase your tail, mutt! Ain't my fault their shields are too strong.
Gamora, it's time for your prong! Will try, but the Rigellians are getting weaker by the second.
We must all work together if we are to defeat the Believers.
[groans.]
I cannot work with this arrogant, un-centered fool.
[groans.]
Never trust a helmet-head.
[groans.]
[barking.]
The ship can't take much more of this firepower.
And I can't take much more of that krutackin' barking! [sighs.]
Fine.
I'm sorry.
You're a good dog, okay? [barking continues.]
[grunting.]
- Down, boy.
Down, boy.
- We're trying to fight a space battle.
[grunts.]
[whines.]
You trying to tell me something? Nose.
You want us to aim for the ship's nose! [barks.]
Guys! We need you to open a hole in the shields over the ship's nose! It's no use.
Without something to unify my people, we won't be strong enough to breach those shields.
There is only one thing both sides can agree on: they all hate me.
Throw me at the forward shield.
That's it! Unite in your hatred of Drax.
It will give you strength.
Hurl Drax at the Believer shield! Rigellian helmets are ridiculous, and Empathetics are childish buffoons with bad hair! - Insolence! - I'm sorry, what did you just call me? [Grand Commissioner, Jukka.]
Throw him out of here! [yells.]
[gasps.]
What? Now, Rocket! Take the shot! Where? That ship's got a big nose! [barking.]
Cosmo, settle down! I can't hear myself think! [whining.]
[beeping.]
What's that? You want me to target the guidance thrusters? Dude, he's just a dog.
Yeah, a krutackin' smart one, even without his powers.
[grunting.]
[barking.]
Whoo-hoo! Score one for the four-leggers! I think there's a two-legger that needs our help.
Hang in there, Draxy.
We're coming.
I am Groot.
[rumbling.]
We've lost power! Our ship cannot maintain orbit! [creaking.]
[whirring loudly.]
[Quill.]
Mantis, Ebony Maw, I believe you should surrender.
Hello? I'm reading life signs, but they ain't responding to our hails.
Eh, they can sit tight till Nova Corps digs them out.
And since we've got some extra time, how about We finally head over to the peace conference party? No more "one more thing.
" [disco.]
[chattering.]
Thanks to the Guardians, my people have reached an agreement.
The Rigellians and Empathetics are both in favor of facial hair.
It's an expression of individuality.
And useful for stroking and focusing thought.
[sighs.]
It's a start.
And we wouldn't have gotten this far had Drax not united the factions and then stayed away for the remainder of the conference.
That's because he trusted you to handle it on your own.
That's a start too.
[Rocket.]
Don't worry, Cosmo.
[barks.]
We'll find a way to restore your powers.
I am Groot.
Ha! Ah, if a dog can make peace with a tree and a raccoon, anything's possible.
What did you call me? Now, this is my kind of party.
But there is no party out here.
Exactly.
[clattering.]
[Rocket yelling.]
Nobody calls me "raccoon"! Ya hear me, Quill? Nobody! [yelling.]
[Quill grunts.]
Aah! Ow! Ow!
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