Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s03e22 Episode Script

Holding Out For a Hero

Guardians of the Galaxy, all of Asgard stands in your debt this day.
For with your aid, we defeated the Darkhawk invaders and my corrupted brother, the Serpent.
Tell me, Thor, how is it I specifically saved Father's life from the Darkhawks, yet I receive no such appreciation? You are a trickster, Loki, not a hero.
But I helped! As honorary Asgardians, you shall receive new titles.
Peter Quill, you are hereby dubbed Scoundrel Supreme, for your untrustworthiness rivals that of Loki himself.
[both] Hey! Rocket, you are hereby dubbed Master of Combustion and Explosion.
Mmm.
Expensive.
[chuckles] I assume my new title comes with a weapons upgrade.
Eh, I'll have to take it up with the All-Father.
What? You upgraded those losers' weapons.
They didn't even ask! Mm, uh, Drax, I dub thee I am the All-Drax, for there is no Drax before me! Huh zah I dub thee Lady Gamora, Most Dangerous Woman in Eight of the Nine Realms.
Eight? [creaking] I am Groot? Ah, but of course.
Who could forget Groot, the Mighty? [straining] [medal clangs] I am Groot.
[grunts] Guardians, Asgard salutes you! [Asgardians cheering] Hmm? Mm mm [rumbling] I am Groot.
I am Groot! You're d'ast right something's wrong.
I still don't got a weapon upgrade.
[rumbling intensifies] - I think it's something worse.
- Aye, Gamora.
Much worse.
[Asgardians scream, yell] The Serpent! But we defeated you! We got the medals to prove it! Your victory, like my brother Odin's reign over Asgard, is nothing but a lie! Wait! We still keep the medals, right? Hey, no fair crashing our Whoa! [grunting] [yells, groans] Brother Odin, it is long past time I took back this realm and returned it to power and glory.
[yells] You'll have to go through the legions of Asgard first, villain! You would call me villain, Thunder Bringer? The World Tree knows your father's betrayal and serves me.
[grunts] Eh, serve this! We took you down once, Serpie.
We can do it again.
[grunting] Yield before Lady Gamora and the All-Drax! [grunting] We're not really going with those titles, are we? [Guardians, Thor cry out] Submit to me, brother.
Never! Aah! [grunts] [scoffs] I banished your evil once, and I shall do so again! You forget, brother, I planted this tree when it was but a sapling.
- I feed on its power.
- You corrupt its power! It was never meant to be a weapon! It was meant to enforce my rule! [grunts] [grunts] 'Tis not possible! I will show you what is possible.
[crying out] Hold, Serpent! Aah! [groans] [Serpent] I will hold all of Asgard [Asgardians straining] in the grip of the World Tree, which I control! [Rocket] Uh, you know, this is a family thing.
Maybe we should just, you know, go.
We are Asgardians now.
We must fight.
Then you will perish! I am Groot! [Guardians grunting] I am Grooooot! [Guardians yelling, grunting] [grunts, sighs] I think we stopped.
I am Groot! [Guardians screaming again] [screaming continues] [grunting] [crash] [Guardians groaning] I am Groot.
[Drax laughs] - This is not a joke! - Of course it is not.
If it was a joke, I would not be laughing, because I do not understand jokes.
Uh, okay, where are we? - The last place you want to be.
- Loki, what are you doing here? Mostly chafing, after hitching a ride in your shrubbery.
I am Groot! [clangs] Many things chafe Drax.
That is why Drax does not wear shirts.
I'll show you a chafing if you don't tell us why you let the Serpent into Asgard! Oh, please.
I'm not that foolish.
Oh, yeah? Then how'd he get in? I don't know.
I'm not that clever either.
What I do know is the Serpent has joined with the World Tree.
And no place in Asgard is safe, least of all this one.
Wait.
We're still in Asgard? Verily.
The Forge of Asgard.
[Rocket] You mean, the Asgard Forge, where all Asgardian weapons are made? Guys, this is where Thor's famous nail-knocker comes from! [thud] Shh! You shush! This is a thing for me! [growling] Can you imagine the weapons in there? [thudding footsteps] They're made of metal so advanced, it may as well be magic! [growling] - I am Groot! - What? I don't hear no stomping.
[growling continues] - Good guy or bad guy? - Does it matter? [roars] [all grunt] [Loki] The stone giant both fuels and defends the forge.
It's programmed to destroy intruders.
Where are we supposed to go? [roars] [Rocket] Obviously, we break into the forge, steal a weapon or, better yet, build one and defeat the Serpent.
And I suppose get your blaster upgraded while we're in there? I wouldn't say no to a much deserved, long overdue upgrade.
[singsong voice] Somebody's got blaster envy.
You need an Asgardian to operate the forge, and I'm much more interested in surviving than weapon-smithing! - Farewell.
- [gasps] Vermin! What sorcery is this? A little something I been tinkering with called a "teleportation anchor.
" I will make you suffer endless torment for this humiliation! Yeah, you're gonna have to get in line for that, horn-head.
Meantime, you're with us.
This door is locked to me.
Trust me, I've tried.
We need another way! [roars] I see one.
Follow me! No! Wait! The giant Will never fit through there.
Now shut up and move! Ohh! [grunts] That's not why I advised against it! Remember when I told you he also fuels the forge? [roars] [panting] Move it, move it, move it! [grunts] Behold, the Forge of Asgard.
[music] [mechanical rumbling] We need to get up there, where the good stuff is.
[chuckles] Let's get one thing straight, rodent.
I am not trudging through this entire foundry just so you can drool all over some Uru swords.
[thud] [roars] Fine.
Suit yourself.
Wait for me! [grunts] Aah! Drax is chafing! Which you wouldn't be if you wore a shirt.
- How's that for irony? - Uh, guys? [Loki grunts] I've got this.
[panting] [grunts] [grunting] [yells] [stone giant cries out] Well done, daughter of Thanos.
[roars] Yeah, thanks for giving it armor! No way out.
[growling] Then we go up.
[Drax, Gamora grunt] [yells, grunts] [grunts] What are you gonna do now, rock head? [chain rattling] Ugh! You had to ask.
[growling] [Quill] Yes! Upgraded Element Blaster! Ha-ha! Okay, now you're just rubbing it in.
Do not rub it on Drax.
I will be chafed no more this day.
We made it.
The promised land! - Ahh - I am Groot! [Rocket] No, don't touch! [groans] Only I may touch.
[groans] Which one of these weapons can we use to defeat the Serpent? Precisely none.
I've told you, you cannot win.
Well, not with that krutack attitude.
I am not a hero, as my brother has said repeatedly.
I am a trickster.
You know you can be both, right? We do it all the time.
And if you save Asgard, think how you could rub it in your father and brother's faces forever.
Hmm? Forever is a long time.
All right, so what's it gonna take to slap down your uncle? Nothing in this chamber.
Perhaps nothing in all the Nine Realms.
What if we don't defeat him? What if we just contain him? The Serpent was banished before, so it is possible, theoretically.
I know you can make shackles, and I know just the enchantment to make them nigh-unbreakable.
Trick is, getting them on dear old Uncle.
[evil chuckle] Leave that to me.
Groot, fire up the forge! [grunts] I am Groot! [industrial music] [music continues] [clanking tools] - Did you put a sword on that? - [scoffs] No! I put two swords on it! [cackles] Mm-hmm.
- Now all we have to do is get topside.
- [Loki] Verily.
[Gamora] Let's just hope we're not too late.
- I will never surrender, brother.
- Nor will I! Then you will perish! The World Tree's making the Serpent too powerful.
Look, we'll lure him away from it, then Rocket and Loki can shackle him.
[cries out] Who dares? [Quill] That would be us.
[all grunt] Now, my son! Aah! This better flargin' work.
Fools! We prefer "tricksters.
" [grunts] Aah! Aahh! It's holding! We got him! I saved Asgard! Me! You had some help, brother.
Submit, brother! Your evil heart has failed you.
Your weak heart has failed you, brother.
You lack the will to rule, to conquer! [grunts] Well, that's bad.
[cries out, grunts] [straining] Father.
No! Let the Nine Realms proclaim: the Serpent rules Asgard! [Serpent] Asgard belongs to the Serpent now! You have fought valiantly.
You are worthy of serving at my side.
We'll never join you! - He was not talking to us.
- I just figured that out! Fight beside me, Odin-son.
Never! You would corrupt all that Asgard stands for! Asgard is merely the beginning.
I will use the Bifrost as it was intended a tool for conquest.
The World Tree will expand through the other realms of the universe, pulling their power back here! I will not allow you to steal the lives of every world as you have your own, nor the life of my father! [groaning weakly] Then you will share his fate.
[Rocket] Hey, we're all in a sharing mood! [yelling] [grunts] Upgraded Element Blaster.
What are you gonna do? [yells, grunts] [yells] [Drax, Gamora grunting] [grunts] Guardians, to me! We must free the All-Father! [Loki] 'Tis too late, brother! Father is lost! Save yourself! I expect cowardice from you, Loki, but the Guardians will join me.
Actually, Loki's right.
This is a losing fight.
We can't beat that old man and his tree.
That sounds really lame out loud.
[Drax, Gamora grunting] [Drax, Gamora screaming] [both grunt] Get to the Bifrost! I will hold the Serpent back.
- What's wrong? - He didn't try to stop our escape.
Eh, Serpie's got bigger thunder bringers to fry.
Come on.
Heimdall, Asgard has fallen.
Why didn't you spot the Serpent coming with your all-sight? I did.
[grunts] [yells] [Drax, Gamora grunt] Heimdall, wait.
Loki had nothing to do - with sneaking the Serpent in.
- Possibly.
Just for the record, we had nothing to do with it either.
[Rocket, Quill crying out] I am Groot! You were supposed to protect the Bifrost, Heimdall! He's been doppel-Hawked! Now we know how the Serpent got into Asgard.
Feel free to apologize for accusing me of it.
Anytime.
[grunts] Lucky for you all, I brought a sword to this sword fight.
Aw! That thing shoots swords? Why, yes.
Yes, it does.
Now who's got blaster envy? Huh?! [Loki] Quickly! We must protect the Bifrost! [thunderclap] [cries out] [gasps] Thor? Thor! We can't let the Serpent get to the Bifrost.
He'll destroy the whole galaxy! [both grunting] There's too many branches! [Serpent] Submit, Thunder Bringer.
Bow to me! [grunts] We may not defeat you now, but we will stop your evil from spreading! [yells] [yells] [yells] [grunts] No! [straining] Guardians, finish what [muffled] I have begun! You heard the man! Take out the bridge! [Guardians yell] [music] [boom] [all yelling] [Guardians grunting] [bodies thudding] [sword clangs] [thunderclap] [grunts] [weakly] I am Groo-ooot.
Ugh.
Now I know how my socks feel in the dryer.
I'm all that's left of Asgard now.
I am alone in the universe.
So were we, until we found each other.
You're with the Guardians now.
And I thought this day couldn't get any worse.