Max and the Midknights (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

1
- A farmer did venture
to market one day ♪
Hoping to sell
his prize pig ♪
Its tail, it was curly ♪
Its nose, it was pink ♪
And its talent ♪
[gasps]
[goblet clatters]
Bleh. No!
I've tired
of your terrible singing.
If that's all you're good for
then I'll just have
to have you executed.
Now that would be entertaining.
- Oh, but Your Majesty,
there are so many ways
I can entertain you!
- Oh, but there are so many
ways I can have you executed.
- I could make balloon animals.
- I could have you beheaded.
Interpretive dancing?
- Uh, public hanging!
- Sword swallowing!
- Bury you alive.
- Fire breathing.
- Disemboweling!
- Impersonations.
- Drowning.
- Beat-boxing.
- Impaling.
both: Slam poetry.
- Poisoning.
- Making origami.
- Crushed by a boar.
- A one-man kick line.
- Launched out of a cannon.
- Enough!
You are going
to keep me entertained
with something other than
singing, and that is final!
- Fine, but if I can't keep you
entertained,
you'll just have to execute me.
- [sighs] Well, fine.
If I have to.
- [gasps]
Wait, my bad--
[upbeat music]
- Lotta people tellin' me
what I should be ♪
But I wanna make
my own destiny ♪
- [growls]
- Got a feelin' ♪
That it might be time
for me ♪
- To find my own way ♪
- [grunts]
- 'Cause I can feel it
in my heart ♪
It takes a lot to be brave,
but just a little to start ♪
Let's go take
a million chances ♪
Let's go change
our circumstances ♪
I'm gonna write
my own story ♪
And the hero is me ♪
[gentle medieval music]
♪
Midknights, I present
King Gastley's castle.
- - [bleats]
- An imposing edifice that,
in all of its history,
has never once been breached.
Until now.
Rescuing Uncle Budrick
isn't going to be easy.
The bad news is, this place
is a fortress.
Not only is it manned
by armed guards,
we've got the moat,
a drawbridge,
and the main gate to deal with.
Waiting for the good news.
We have a wizard.
Yeah! With Mumblin by our side,
there's nothing we can't do.
We could just walk right up
to the castle,
and once we're in position,
Mumblin will freeze time!
Then, with a single flick
of his wand,
he'll smash open the gate,
fly us across the moat.
and then we'll find
Uncle Budrick,
rescue him,
and blow the place sky-high!
Ka-boom!
Magic explosion!
Oh, I'm melting! No, I'm melt--
- Uhh.
- What?
- Wow.
- Absolutely gruesome.
- Just painting word pictures.
- Yeah.
Well, as much as I'd like
to blow up Gastley's castle,
I think our first step
should be reconnaissance.
We need to know everything
there is to know
about the castle,
the rotation of the guards,
everyone who goes in and out,
how the drawbridge
and gate work.
There's a system of levers
that control the drawbridge
and the gate.
But the entire contraption
is inside the castle and thus,
beyond our reach.
- We need to know
if the castle has a weakness,
a time when
it's least defended.
Simon?
- The fewest guards
are on duty at midnight,
two in the parapet
and one on the ground, here.
Then that's when we strike.
But we'll need
to distract the guards,
get them
to abandon their posts.
Leave that to me.
I'm cooking up
something special.
Yum! Rat jerky, my favorite!
- Ah-ah, I believe these ones
are just for the guards?
Exactly.
I'll make sure
the night-shift guards
have a belly full of this.
Just don't expect
their bellies to stay full
[stomach gurgles]
If you catch my drift.
all: Oh!
- Wait, no, I-I don't get it.
We're gonna make them sick.
- Ohh!
[laughs]
- Okay, so Alice will
take care of the guards.
Mumblin, can you get us
inside the castle?
- [snoring]
Who ate my special pudding?
Mumblin! Hello?
We're planning
a jailbreak here!
- Baa!
- [blubbers] What now?
- Do you think
you can use magic
to lower the bridge
and open the gate?
- Well, I can
probably manage that.
- And what about finding
Uncle Budrick
once we're inside?
- Good point.
We know he's being kept
in the dungeon,
but we don't exactly know
how to get there.
Don't suppose you have a map
of the inside
of the castle too?
Just this one, I'm afraid.
- Hey!
- [gasps] Wait a minute!
Mumblin, you were
the Royal Magician!
You must know your way
around the castle, right?
- I was, yes,
but for some reason,
my memory is fuzzier
than a bunny's backside.
It's okay, Mumblin.
We just need
to find someone else
who's been in the dungeon,
someone who isn't,
you know, dead.
[gasps] I know just the chap!
- And at the bottom
of the stairwell--
- exactly--round the corner
- Mm-hmm.
- You'll find the entrance
to the dungeon.
- All right,
so something like this?
That's it!
Say, what exactly do you kids
need a map
to the dungeon for anyhow?
- Oh, we're gonna break in
and rescue my Uncle Budrick.
Thanks to you,
getting to the dungeon
will be easy.
- Getting to the dungeon
isn't the hard part.
It's getting your hands on
the key that should worry you.
There's only one key
to the dungeon,
and it's held at all times
by the Royal Executioner.
[dark rock music]
[gulps]
♪
Keep that thing sharpened.
I think you're going
to need it again rather soon.
- There's one more problem,
that thing in the moat.
[wails]
[screaming]
I fervently hope it doesn't try
to eat me again.
- That's it, Kevyn!
The creature is hungry, so all
we have to do is feed it.
Great idea.
But feed it what?
- Baa!
- Huh.
- [gasps]
- Hmm.
- Huh.
- [whines]
Oh, right. The sheep.
Yeah, I was totally looking
at the sheep too.
- Think about it.
We use the sheep as bait.
And when the moat monster goes
for it, we can sneak on by.
- Hold on!
We cannot sacrifice Doris!
friends: Doris?
I may have named her.
[bleats sweetly]
I'm sorry, Simon,
but Uncle Budrick doesn't
have much time
and this might be
the only chance we've got.
I have to get him out of there.
- Wait a minute.
You're all okay with this?
Feeding an innocent sheep
to a-a monster?
Circle of life, my friend!
- We'll do whatever we have to.
[grunts]
- Okay, gang,
then it's settled.
We strike at midnight.
What? You're telling me
you've never had lamb chops?
[bleats sadly]
[light jovial music]
- [grunts]
Ah?
- Aha!
- Hmm.
- Ha ha!
- Seen it before!
- Ta-da.
[chuckles]
Sock puppets?
Sock puppets!
[all gulp]
I love sock puppets.
[sighs]
- Nanny would do sock puppets
for me
when I was but a little prince
in royal diapers.
Oh, Nanny!
Whatever happened to her?
Oh, right, I had her beheaded.
Well, what are you waiting for?
[soft orchestral music]
Henrietta was a simple sock
from a simple town.
[high-pitched voice]
I'm just a simple sock
from a simple town.
[normal voice]
Edmund was a noble prince.
[low voice]
I'm a princely sort,
too good for a town like this.
But wait, who is
that beautiful milkmaid I see?
Hmm.
- [high-pitched voice]
Who is that devilishly handsome
yet troubled prince?
I can fix him!
[both crunching]
Oi, Barley.
You ever wonder what
those little lights are
up in the sky?
[chewing] Hmm.
- No, Bean.
- Yeah, me neither.
[burps]
Oh, well, excuse you.
[chewing]
- Okay, any idea
on the timeline
for Operation Make-'Em-Sick?
- [stomach rumbling]
- Should be any minute now.
[groans, farts]
[gasps] Wait, look!
[vomiting violently]
[farts]
[both gag]
[vomiting]
[gags, spits]
- Oh, no, don't,
'cause if you go,
then I'm gonna--
[vomits]
[groaning]
What is happen--
- Your mom is
seriously awesome.
[whispers] I know.
Psst!
[suspenseful music]
♪
- Is the bait in place?
- Um. Sort of.
Simon, what is that?
- I'm sorry, Max,
I just couldn't
let something happen to Doris.
- And you thought
that bloodthirsty tentacle
would be hungry
for cauliflower?
Not just cauliflower, okay.
It's a vegetable medley.
I added potatoes, asparagus,
broccoli, brussels sprouts,
- a little bit of--
- Shh! It's working.
[rumbling]
[roars]
♪
[sniffing]
- Ah, knew I should have added
more salt.
Seasoning, Simon. Seasonings.
Everyone get down.
[upbeat rock music]
- Phew, feeling
much better now.
Huh? How did that get there?
- [roars]
- Oh, no!
[vomiting]
- Well, look at that.
It worked.
Let's move, Midknights.
[all panting]
Ready, Mumblin? You're up.
- Oh. I've got this.
I've got this.
Wing of bat and hair of witch,
pull the lever
to lower this bridge!
- "Witch" and "bridge" make
for a rather clunky rhyme.
Yah! Ha ha!
- Keep going, Mumblin!
You got this!
[gasping]
[groans]
Whew. There.
Oh, right, the gate.
[adventurous music]
[groans]
This castle we must infiltrate,
now pull the lever
that opens the gate.
[grunting]
[squeals, laughs]
- Aww. Pff.
- Hurry, Mumblin!
The guards
could come back any second.
[guards vomiting]
- Barley, if I don't make it
[farts]
I just want you to know, I--
[stomach gurgles]
[moans]
- What did you say--
- [retches furiously]
[straining]
Come on, Mumblin!
We didn't pluck you out
of retirement
for you to get punked
by a hunk of metal.
- [shivers] Anyone have
a weird tingly feeling?
Mm. How curious.
Those gargoyles aren't
on this map.
What gargoyles?
- [roars]
- Aah!
[all panting]
[dramatic music]
♪
[all scream]
[bellows]
- Oh, my.
- [gasps]
- Enchanted gargoyles.
This--this is dark magic.
Dark magic?
- Warthog's tooth
and dragon's flame,
send them back
from whence they came!
Uh-oh.
- Dad!
- Uh, nobody panic.
[gargoyles growling]
♪
[Midknights whimpering]
Okay, maybe we panic.
- [screeches]
- Aah!
[screams]
Aah, aah, aah! Aah!
Boop.
Aah!
♪
Aah!
- [high-pitched voice]
Oh, Edmund.
Yes, I will marry you.
[low voice] Wonderful,
but there's something
I haven't told you, Henrietta.
I'm not really a prince.
I'm merely a lookalike
who traded places
with the true prince.
- Ugh. So obvious.
Saw it coming.
- [high-pitched voice]
Edmund, I know.
I've always known because I'm
not really a lowly milkmaid--
- Aah!
- [gasps] Max?
Max? Who's Max?
I thought Henrietta was in love
with Edmund!
This third act
is falling apart.
- [high-pitched voice] My love,
there's something else.
- Whoa!
- What was that?
Ooh, I'm a ghost.
I've been a ghost
the whole time.
[gasps] Whoa! Plot twist!
Aah!
[grunting]
[dramatic music]
Aah!
I think I got the hang of this.
[roars]
♪
[Midknights scream]
Are they gone?
Yep. Stone dead.
- [screeches]
- Aah!
Millie!
[all grunting]
- all: No!
- [screaming]
Millie!
[yelping]
- [normal voice] And they lived
happily ever after.
Boo!
Happily ever after?
What kind of soppy drivel
is this?
Yuckity, yuck, yuck, yuck!
It was a love story.
Preposterous!
That was a story
of betrayal and deceit
and the mid-life heartbreak
of settling
for less than you deserve.
Why would you spoil it
with a happy ending?
- Oh, well, if it's heartbreak
you're after,
then just wait for the sequel!
Spoiler alert: everyone dies.
Ugh, forget sequels.
They're artistically bankrupt
cash grabs
and always pale in comparison
to the original.
Executioner, off with his head
and all that.
Aah!
[suspenseful music]
- No. No, no, no,
not right now, you idiot.
It's late. If I don't get
eight hours of beauty sleep,
my mustache droops.
Do you want me
to have a droopy mustache?
Of course not, sire.
- Then take him to his cell,
and we'll off him at sunrise.
Oh, I do love an execution
before breakfast.
[laughing]
See you in the morning.
Spoiler alert: you'll be
the one missing a head.
Millie.
- I daresay no one
could survive a fall
from that height.
- She was only here because
of me.
[clanking]
[all gasp]
More gargoyles?
- No it's--
- Millie!
- Hey.
You're okay.
- Thank goodness.
- Mm!
- Now don't you ever do
that again.
How ever did you survive?
- I landed on a big bale
of hay.
I'm just lucky like that. Oh.
[sweet uplifting music]
Guys, look.
We're inside the castle.
It didn't go exactly
as planned, but hey, we did it.
- Teamwork. Aw, yeah!
- [gasps]
[chain clinking]
Egad!
- It's okay, Kevyn,
we're already in.
Baa!
[chewing]
all: Doris?
[roars]
[bleats]
- Oh, no!
She must have followed me.
We can't leave her.
But what about Uncle Budrick?
We'll save 'em both.
[upbeat music]
♪
[grunts]
Aah!
[grunting]
Oh! Oh, no.
Aah!
- We've gotta stop it!
Did you try these two?
Of course I tried those two.
[growls]
[bleats worriedly]
- [growls]
- I got it.
[wincing] Huh?
[wails]
[whimpers]
[sighs]
- It stopped.
- Well, unstop it, Kevyn!
I'm trying. I'm trying!
♪
[exclaims]
[all moaning]
- Aah!
That's the wrong direction!
I hate this bridge.
No! No!
Whoa!
Simon! Doris! Where's Max?
♪
[screeches]
Aah!
Whew.
Max, thank you.
[bleats happily]
- Aww, Doris.
- [laughs]
[peaceful music]
♪
- [gasps]
- [pants]
- Nolan? Mumblin?
What happened?
- Where are the kids?
They need help!
Fruit, man!
Hand me a pear,
a kumquat, anything!
Show me the Midknights.
- Oh, my.
- [gasps]
I don't believe it.
As I live and breathe.
- They made it.
- Yes, they're in the castle,
which means
they're on their own now.
[tense music]
♪
Oh, quickly, Bean,
we gotta get back
to our posts
before Gastley knows
we've been gone.
- Ugh.
- Yeah, righto, righto.
Ugh. Oh, do you know what?
Apparently he's gonna execute
that fool come sunrise, heh.
- Maybe they mean
some other fool?
- You mean the new one
that can't sing?
Yeah, that's the one.
Can't be mistaken
for any other fool.
[gasps]
Hang on, Uncle Budrick.
We're almost there.
[upbeat music]
[heavy rock music]
♪