Men at Work (2012) s01e07 Episode Script

Plan B

Can I get you another one of those? Oh, I'd luh another one! It's suh good.
What did she say? I have no idea.
I may have heard the word "penguin.
" Hang on was it like a sexy version of baby talk? I lie yuh beer, Milo.
That's lazy mouth.
It's an epidemic in the club girl population.
Like everything else that's wrong with america, It can be traced back to the kardashians.
Amy, you're a girl, right? How come you don't talk like a kardashian? Tyler, cah yah plea paa mah thaah ketchaa? What? Thanks, babe.
She watches a lot of "Khloé and lamar.
" We watch a lot of "khloé and lamar.
" Anyway, after much consideration, I've come to the conclusion I'm not going to find the girl of my dreams.
At a bar or club.
So, as of this moment, I am officially opening the door to Prostitutes? Set-ups.
Oh, set-ups.
Yeah, that makes more sense.
Men At Work - Plan B S01E07.
It's not that I don't enjoy.
Screaming over house music at drunk girls.
I just think the odds are better of finding somebody great.
If they've been pre-screened.
Already on it.
She's married, but not like married married.
I got five michelles.
Actually, four.
This one's a dude now.
I got to sync this phone.
You know what, guys? I don't want either of you setting me up.
What? Why not? Are there any girls in your phones.
That you haven't slept with, haven't tried to sleep with, Or aren't going to try sleeping with when I'm on a date with them? Good point.
Fair enough.
There's only one person I trust to set me up.
I'm flattered.
That person is amy.
What? Amy is cool, And cool girls know other cool girls.
Amy's not cool.
I'm sorry, honey.
It's just I have the perfect girl for him.
She is funny and smart and so cool.
Neal, how do I put this.
In the least-offensive way possible? You're off to a bad start.
It's just that you're already using up.
Several lifetimes of miracles by dating amy.
Well, I wouldn't call it a miracle.
You're right.
What's more rare than a miracle? - What?! - You're welcome.
We already belong to a gym.
Not like this.
This is the gym of the future.
Really? Does it have moving sidewalks? You mean treadmills? Oh, yeah.
We already have those.
Nice job, science! Look, look, look, look.
Wall-to-wall pretty people just trying to be.
The fittest they can possibly be.
And, I mean, would you look at her? Wait, do you seriously think.
The model from the flier works out at the gym? It's possible.
Dude, I'm sorry, but I like our crappy gym, Even if it's filled with 90-year-old men.
Tyler, if you honestly want to see.
One more old man accidentally sit on his own balls, I will drop this right now.
I can't believe this place.
It's like heaven opened up.
And all the hard-bodied angels landed here.
I don't know how I ever drank water without cucumber.
I will just leave you gentlemen with these.
And give you a moment to discuss.
You're looking for that model from the flier, aren't you? Am not.
Gibbs, she's a model.
She's not gonna be There she is! Give me that contract.
Yes, gym buddy? Have you seen the price? I'm sure it's high, but Wait.
Is that for a one-year membership.
And a bag of diamonds? Hold up, ty.
Look at this.
Couples are two-for-one.
This is perfect.
Why is that perfect? We're not a couple.
Oh, no.
Gibbs, no.
Stop smiling.
The answer's no.
We are a couple.
Amy, I like the sound of her.
She modeled for J.
Crew? Oh, she rowed crew.
Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm gonna call you back, okay? I'm not gonna call her back.
I'm not so sure about Amy’s dating candidates.
It's too bad you don't have a close friend.
That happens to know the perfect girl for you.
That is too bad.
Hang on, milo.
You're gonna want to take a look at this.
Who is that? Really, guys? Didn't even realize I was moving.
Sorry, my legs just started walking.
See, that's not a club girl.
That's the kind of girl I'm looking for.
If only you had a mutual acquaintance.
That could make an introduction.
Hey, neal.
Oh, wait.
I could have done that.
Hey! These are some of my friends.
Let me guess.
Um Charlotte, miranda, and samantha.
Actually, I'm more of a carrie, but Are you ready for lunch? Yeah, I was thinking we could eat in the park.
Or are you still afraid of pigeons? It was a hawk! Mm A baby hawk.
That ate bread out of my hand.
As much as I am loving the juice bar.
And the climbing wall, The best part of this gym is the towels.
They smell like a meadow.
And they feel like Also a meadow! Okay, I know we have to play up the gay-couple thing.
Because the manager's around, But you might be overdoing it a little with this towel stuff.
Oh, man.
It's like petting a puppy.
But you do raise a good point.
About just how gay we need to act here.
Hello, dennis! Hey-y-y! Too much? A little bit.
I think the sweet spot is like bert and ernie, you know? You're not sure they're gay, but you can't prove they're not.
Sounds good, bert.
Hey, ernie.
Yeah? Maybe you keep your rubber ducky in your pants.
Good call.
Let's establish ourselves as a couple, Then stage a breakup.
So we can experiment with the opposite sex.
We're on exactly the same page here.
Six months Is probably overdoing it.
How about a month? That seems a little too long, too.
- Come on.
We can do a month.
- You're right.
You're right.
A month it is.
What is going on back there? Is channing tatum teaching a spin class? Okay, so, I ordered your lunch, I watered your desk plants, Then I wrote a rave yelp review.
Of your cousin's cheese delivery service Which, I got to be honest, Seems like a really tough way of making a living.
Now if you could just take care.
Of this running-low-on-cocoa situation.
Really? Again with the cocoa? You do realize it's June, right? And you're a grown-ass man? I'm sorry, I was under the impression.
That you wanted me to set you up with my gorgeous friend hannah.
No, no.
You're right.
I was wrong.
She seems great.
You have no idea how great she is.
She's smart, funny.
She was a model and a nationally ranked archer Before it was cool.
So, you'll call her for me? Perhaps.
What say you pop some pizza bagels in the oven? I didn't know that we had those.
We don't.
You're a smart guy.
You'll figure it out.
can you believe at my old gym, They only had regular, cucumber-less water? What a nightmare that was.
I know.
I just love this stuff.
I could take a bath in it.
Me too.
Well, it's a date.
You move fast, but I can keep up.
Oh, hey, tyler.
Uh, kim, this is tyler.
Tyler, this is kim.
Hi, kim.
I see you've met my lover, gibbs.
Just my luck.
All right.
I'm off to yoga.
What the hell was that? What the hell was that? Dude, we had one rule, and you broke it.
Yeah, but did you see her? Okay, first of all, I love this gym, And you're gonna get us kicked out.
But more importantly, You seem to have forgotten that you and I.
Are supposed to be in a relationship.
It's a fake relationship.
Not to them.
And now I look like a guy who can't keep his man happy.
How do you know what they think? Maybe they think we're in an open relationship.
No, I'd never be in a fake-gay open relationship.
When I fall in fake-gay love, it's for real.
So, milo and hannah.
Should be in the middle of their date right now.
Unless they're at the end of the date, Which means it's not going well.
Neal, it's their date.
It's out of your hands.
Well, that's like saying.
A football game is out of the coach's hands.
You know, I put the players on the field.
I want them to score.
You're such an alpha.
How crazy is it? "Top chef" is making fajitas on our fajita night.
You know, it might not be a bad idea.
To shoot milo a text just to check in.
No one checked in on us on our first date.
Look where we ended up.
I guess that one really snuck up on you.
I don't get it.
I could do calf raises five times a week.
And never get calves like that.
It's like a python swallowed a dolphin.
Oh, gibbs, this is brian.
He's a homosexual like us.
Nice to meet you, brian.
Can you excuse us for a minute? I don't believe what I just saw.
I know.
It's like a koala climbing a telephone pole.
What are you talking about? Brian's calves.
What are you talking about? Uh, you being a hypocrite.
What's your problem, gibbs? The problem is yesterday I heard you, And if we're gonna do this, we're doing this.
Well, haven't talked to any girls.
'Cause you've been too busy.
Chatting up the calf master over there.
I talked to one guy.
Oh, then who was that upstairs with tommy tank top? He asked me for a spot.
And it looked like you hated every second of it.
So, now you're following me? I don't have to.
I just look for the hottest guy, then slightly to the right.
You know what? Jealousy's an ugly color on you.
And so is peach.
It's sherbert! All I'm saying is, I set you up.
It would have been nice to get a text or something, Let me know how it was going.
It went great.
She's really nice.
I'm sorry.
Did you say "nice"? Yes.
You have access to the entire english language, And you go with "nice"? Oh, wait.
I know what happened.
Did I accidentally set you up with one of the care bears? Oh, are you waiting for me to answer? Seriously? If was single, I would be banging down her door to do things That I don't think about because I have a girlfriend.
You know what? It kind of sounds like.
Maybe you have a little thing for hannah.
What? I do not have a thing for hannah.
I couldn't have less of a thing for Hannah.
Really? 'Cause the way you're talking makes me think.
That maybe Hannah's your plan "B.
" My what? Your plan "B.
" Your backup in case things don't work out with you and amy.
That's ridiculous! I set you up with her! So you have no feelings for hannah? None.
Great, 'cause we're hanging out again tonight.
That seems a little fast.
Not if she's not your plan "B.
" she's not.
So whatever happens between me and her.
Won't bother you? Nope.
Not at all.
Well, then, I'll send you a text and let you know how it's going.
Your phone does get pictures, right? Wow, this cheese is not soft.
That's because it's frozen solid.
And the delivery guy is about to get a scathing review on yelp.
Well, I look forward to spreading it on a cracker.
Next time I'm in town.
Next time? Looks like someone's angling for another date.
Maybe I just like crackers.
We can discuss that over our next date.
So, when do you come back into town? Um, I'm in miami till next week.
God, that sounds fun.
I'd love to get out of the city.
Well, it shouldn't be hard.
You have a giant propeller leaning against the wall.
Oh, yeah.
It's my roommate's.
He bought that so we'd never forget The day he bought a propeller.
I wonder if he has a propeller-less plane somewhere.
Or a giant beanie.
God, this is kind of fun.
I haven't been on a good date in so long, I don't know what's supposed to happen next.
It's probably not me narrating how it's going.
no, it's good.
It's good.
I feel like I'm on a date with morgan freeman.
and that was the moment.
The pizza guy rang the I can't really do morgan freeman.
No, it's terrible.
I'll just grab the door.
Hey, milo.
Door still sticks a little, huh? Yeah.
Hey, hannah.
Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, But something pretty major came up at work, And it looks like you and I are gonna have to pull an all-nighter.
Does it have anything to do.
With that magazine matter we discussed earlier? Because I was pretty sure.
You were going to go with plan "a.
" This is about something completely different.
And it will take all night.
Well, I should probably get going.
Oh, no.
Hannah, this will just take No, it's totally fine.
I have a flight early anyway.
So, this was fun.
So, I'll talk to you soon? Sure thing.
Good night, neal.
Milo, I was lying just then.
There is no magazine emergency.
Really? So we're not going to be working all night.
For the first time ever? I guess I didn't realize how much this bothered me.
Until it seemed like something might happen with you two.
Then why did you set us up? I don't know.
Do you know that amy and I have fajitas every Tuesday? I know this is going to be a shock to you, But, no, I did not know that.
See, you don't get it because you're free again and single.
Neal, I don't know what you think "free and single" is like, But before you broke into my apartment, Hannah and I were having a conversation about cheese Cheese and morgan freeman.
Now, granted, it was a charming conversation, But nonetheless, it was a conversation about cheese.
Look, what you and amy have is great.
It's what everybody wants.
Well, except for gibbs And tyler But it's what regular people want, Which is why I was desperate for a set-up.
I know it's a big risk to commit to one person, But it's a risk I would gladly take.
If I could find my amy.
Is amy your plan "B"? Of course not.
I'm a boob guy.
This taken? Some guy just left.
I think he's done, But I wouldn't know 'cause I wasn't talking to him.
All right, I can't do this anymore.
This fake relationship is tearing us apart.
Oh, I'm so glad you said that.
What happened to us? Going to the gym used to be so fun, and now I know.
We're smothering each other.
We just don't work as a couple.
You're right.
Stuff as many towels in your gym bag as you can.
And meet me out front I got an idea.
This probably looks crazy.
It looked less crazy before the pizza came.
What are you doing here? I was waiting for you.
And eating half a pizza.
Why were you waiting for me? Neal, I know you didn't come by for some work emergency.
Look, I've I've held back on this for a long time.
Because of your girlfriend.
But the way that you've been acting lately, I feel like you want this to happen.
And I want you to know that it can.
Well, I want you to know.
That I wasn't expecting you to say that.
I know it's a lot to process.
But Whatever you decide, here's a key to my hotel room.
I'll be up late.
I already paid for "the lorax.
" Hey, guys.
Dennis, we have something we'd like to say.
Love your gym.
You've been great.
The towels are beyond.
Which is why it kills us.
To have to tell you that we lied to you.
What? Dennis, we're not gay.
We're straight.
And we're coming out.
Well, technically, I guess we're coming in.
We know this means we're gonna lose our discount, Which means we can't afford to stay here, But for the record, you should know.
That your couples discount policy.
Is blatant discrimination against single people.
Just because we were born this way, Unable to make a serious commitment to another person, Doesn't mean we shouldn't be able to work out.
At this awesome facility for a reasonable fee.
Wow, guys.
It appears you wildly misread our couples discount policy.
Nowhere does it say.
You have to be in a relationship to get the discount.
It's really just for people that join two at a time.
I see.
Well, great.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Guys towels? - You got it.
- No problem.
You didn't have to get me flowers.
Chicken noodle.
Oh, good.
I was worried you just got me flowers.
No, neal.
You're gonna get sick.
I'll take the risk.
But just to be safe, I'm gonna go chug some O.
I don't want to play because it's stupid.
It's just a game.
He doesn't want to play? I'll go first.
If we were gay I'd "F" tyler, marry milo, and kill neal.
It's textbook.
Okay, I'll go.
I would "F" gibbs My man.
Marry milo, and kill neal.
You get it, right? Fine.
I'll play.
I would marry gibbs, kill tyler, and "F" neal.
I don't need your pity "F," all right? I got a hot girlfriend, And I turned down a girl that all three of you wanted.
"F" tyler, kill neal.