Metalocalypse (2006) s01e02 Episode Script
Dethwater
~ Riding Riding ~ ~ Riding ~ ~ Riding ~ ~ Thunder Thunder ~ ~ Thunder Thunder ~ ~ Thunder horse ~ ~ Thunder horse ~ ~ Thunder horse ~ ~ Thunder horse ~ ~ Thunder ~ ~ Horse ~ ~ Thunder ~ ~ Horse ~ ~ Thunder ~ ~ Horse ~ ~ Thunder ~ ~ Horse ~ Here we go again.
OK, wait.
Before we do anything drastic, let's put this all in perspective, Nathan.
Look.
Dethklok has spent a reported 500 million in the recording studio so far Fan suicide rate is up due to the album's late release.
Sources have corroborated that the band has recorded 16 individual albums.
All deleted.
Sources say the Dow Jones decline is directly related to Dethklok front man Nathan Explosion's constant deleting of potential new albums.
No, no.
Don't.
- No! - Session deleted! Mother douche bags.
Did it again.
Dudes, what's wrong with that one? Let me guess.
Not heavy enough? Not tuned low enough? Not brutal enough? Dudes, we can't not tuning down any lower.
Well, maybe it'd be better if I just killed myself, huh? Why don't you record that, huh? Would that be brutal enough for you, me being dead? Somebody should tell Murderface, dude, it's not always, always about him.
So what? Now we're all the back to square f'ing one? Yeah.
That's right.
But here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna re-re-rerecord it.
Right there.
Right there! ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong, Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ OK, so you want to re-re-re-re-record in the ocean in.
I see.
No problem.
No, not in the ocean.
Inside the ocean.
- OK.
- In the heaviest, deepest, most brutal part.
- All right.
- The Mariana trench.
Well, let me make some calls.
The good news is they're gonna give you more money to record.
The bad news is they're going to send a producer down to work with you.
So I hope that's not Dethklok is recording an album underwater.
- And they're using a submarine.
- A nuclear submarine.
Yes.
This could prove to be a most dangerous combination.
I may have a solution.
We're now in touch with the underwater record label producer that Dethklok will use under water.
His name is Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler and he's a real piece of work.
Tax evasion; disfigured a co-worker at an office party, melted her face with acid; soliciting prostitution; drugs.
He's looking at a 25-year sentence.
He'll do anything we want.
Excellent.
And he'll be our man on the inside.
We'll contact him once the underwater record is complete and get a full report.
A report? Now's the time to take out Dethklok once and for all.
They're just sitting there under water.
We could make it look like an underwater accident.
No! It is too soon.
We must watch them.
It's getting nice and heavy.
Your guitar's picking up strange sounds.
Look, dude, I didn't know these pickups were that strong.
It picks up the whales saying hello.
It looks like you're going to have to re-record it.
- That's brutal.
- Maybe we can isolate Toki.
What about that? - What does this lights mean? - He will die without safety briefing.
Hey, I'll take it from here.
OK, buddy? Skwisgaar, I think I need that safety briefings.
Really quickly, the reason I come in here was we're all gonna order some food.
Do you want something? I can't think about it now.
What are these buttons flashing? Start thinking about what you want because, honestly I'm starting to get hungry.
Anything.
Gnocchi or something.
It's filling up! By the way, don't screw this one up.
What is this button? I think I hit it.
I got to get going.
See you later.
Hey, guys, nuclear submarine power is out.
Hi, Pickle.
Have you fixed the problem down there? Dude, stupid nuclear, whatever.
I don't know what's going on.
And who gives a f? It ain't my sub.
Unidentified vessel outside requesting permission to board.
Oh, great.
Probably some recording producer who comes to try to tell us how to makes metal.
Don't knows snakes from dildos about that.
- Get in line.
- OK, calm down.
We got to be professional.
Unless he pushes us, in which case, I swear to God I will f'ing knife him in the Yeah! Punch his face off! Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface.
Have a little decency.
I mean, we're stuck together in a frigging submarine, for C Fine.
How about I starve to death? How's that? Oh, excuse me.
These boots are killing my feet! These feet stink.
Hey, guys.
So let's hear this album.
Hey, I got those same shoes.
Yeah, bear with me, dudes.
I think I made the trip a little too fast.
My body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here.
I'm sure I'll feel a little better once I have some Pop rocks and Coke.
Now, shut up and listen to this, Dick.
This is metal for fish.
- Fish don't got no good metal to listens to.
- Yeah.
That's true.
Fish, huh? This one's called Mur-maid-er.
It's about mermaid murder.
~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ ~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ ~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ ~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ ~ Underwater friends You are my underwater ~ ~ Underwater friends ~ ~ Yeah, you're my best friends now ~ ~ Let's all cheer ~ ~ Yeah, we got to come down here Once a year, yeah ~ ~ OK, I pee into liquid oxygen ~ ~ I breathes my own pee ~ ~ It tastes like coffee ~ ~'Cause I had some f'ing coffee ~ ~ Before I comes down here To say underwater ~ ~ Underwater, underwater ~ ~ Underwater friends ~ ~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ This is amazing.
I mean, there must be billions of fish out there.
It's a totally untapped market.
And so many hits, too.
Electric Eel Chair.
Yeah! Scaled And Gutted And Undercooked.
Yeah! Scuba Tank Filled With Farts.
You boys knocked it completely out of the park.
I am back on top.
I'm going straight to the label.
You know something, Knubbler you ain't that much of a dildo after all.
Not safe, not safe.
There's monsters.
Like I said, boys, when the label hears this, they're literally gonna f fish.
Literally.
All right, let's Dear God, Knubbler! Your face! What have they done to you? It's called metal, General.
Well, we need to know exactly what they've been up to.
What have they been up to? They've been up to kicking ass and taking names.
- Knubbler! - Put that in your report, General Crozier.
- What the hell is going on down there? - Dethklok is amazing! The album is gonna rock so hard! The drums rock.
The bass rocks.
And the guitar the guitar rocks! Check it out.
Check it out! What? Now what's happening? Dear God! No! No! No!
OK, wait.
Before we do anything drastic, let's put this all in perspective, Nathan.
Look.
Dethklok has spent a reported 500 million in the recording studio so far Fan suicide rate is up due to the album's late release.
Sources have corroborated that the band has recorded 16 individual albums.
All deleted.
Sources say the Dow Jones decline is directly related to Dethklok front man Nathan Explosion's constant deleting of potential new albums.
No, no.
Don't.
- No! - Session deleted! Mother douche bags.
Did it again.
Dudes, what's wrong with that one? Let me guess.
Not heavy enough? Not tuned low enough? Not brutal enough? Dudes, we can't not tuning down any lower.
Well, maybe it'd be better if I just killed myself, huh? Why don't you record that, huh? Would that be brutal enough for you, me being dead? Somebody should tell Murderface, dude, it's not always, always about him.
So what? Now we're all the back to square f'ing one? Yeah.
That's right.
But here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna re-re-rerecord it.
Right there.
Right there! ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong, Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ OK, so you want to re-re-re-re-record in the ocean in.
I see.
No problem.
No, not in the ocean.
Inside the ocean.
- OK.
- In the heaviest, deepest, most brutal part.
- All right.
- The Mariana trench.
Well, let me make some calls.
The good news is they're gonna give you more money to record.
The bad news is they're going to send a producer down to work with you.
So I hope that's not Dethklok is recording an album underwater.
- And they're using a submarine.
- A nuclear submarine.
Yes.
This could prove to be a most dangerous combination.
I may have a solution.
We're now in touch with the underwater record label producer that Dethklok will use under water.
His name is Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler and he's a real piece of work.
Tax evasion; disfigured a co-worker at an office party, melted her face with acid; soliciting prostitution; drugs.
He's looking at a 25-year sentence.
He'll do anything we want.
Excellent.
And he'll be our man on the inside.
We'll contact him once the underwater record is complete and get a full report.
A report? Now's the time to take out Dethklok once and for all.
They're just sitting there under water.
We could make it look like an underwater accident.
No! It is too soon.
We must watch them.
It's getting nice and heavy.
Your guitar's picking up strange sounds.
Look, dude, I didn't know these pickups were that strong.
It picks up the whales saying hello.
It looks like you're going to have to re-record it.
- That's brutal.
- Maybe we can isolate Toki.
What about that? - What does this lights mean? - He will die without safety briefing.
Hey, I'll take it from here.
OK, buddy? Skwisgaar, I think I need that safety briefings.
Really quickly, the reason I come in here was we're all gonna order some food.
Do you want something? I can't think about it now.
What are these buttons flashing? Start thinking about what you want because, honestly I'm starting to get hungry.
Anything.
Gnocchi or something.
It's filling up! By the way, don't screw this one up.
What is this button? I think I hit it.
I got to get going.
See you later.
Hey, guys, nuclear submarine power is out.
Hi, Pickle.
Have you fixed the problem down there? Dude, stupid nuclear, whatever.
I don't know what's going on.
And who gives a f? It ain't my sub.
Unidentified vessel outside requesting permission to board.
Oh, great.
Probably some recording producer who comes to try to tell us how to makes metal.
Don't knows snakes from dildos about that.
- Get in line.
- OK, calm down.
We got to be professional.
Unless he pushes us, in which case, I swear to God I will f'ing knife him in the Yeah! Punch his face off! Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface.
Have a little decency.
I mean, we're stuck together in a frigging submarine, for C Fine.
How about I starve to death? How's that? Oh, excuse me.
These boots are killing my feet! These feet stink.
Hey, guys.
So let's hear this album.
Hey, I got those same shoes.
Yeah, bear with me, dudes.
I think I made the trip a little too fast.
My body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here.
I'm sure I'll feel a little better once I have some Pop rocks and Coke.
Now, shut up and listen to this, Dick.
This is metal for fish.
- Fish don't got no good metal to listens to.
- Yeah.
That's true.
Fish, huh? This one's called Mur-maid-er.
It's about mermaid murder.
~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ ~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ ~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ ~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ ~ Underwater friends You are my underwater ~ ~ Underwater friends ~ ~ Yeah, you're my best friends now ~ ~ Let's all cheer ~ ~ Yeah, we got to come down here Once a year, yeah ~ ~ OK, I pee into liquid oxygen ~ ~ I breathes my own pee ~ ~ It tastes like coffee ~ ~'Cause I had some f'ing coffee ~ ~ Before I comes down here To say underwater ~ ~ Underwater, underwater ~ ~ Underwater friends ~ ~ Mur-maid-er, mur-maid-er ~ This is amazing.
I mean, there must be billions of fish out there.
It's a totally untapped market.
And so many hits, too.
Electric Eel Chair.
Yeah! Scaled And Gutted And Undercooked.
Yeah! Scuba Tank Filled With Farts.
You boys knocked it completely out of the park.
I am back on top.
I'm going straight to the label.
You know something, Knubbler you ain't that much of a dildo after all.
Not safe, not safe.
There's monsters.
Like I said, boys, when the label hears this, they're literally gonna f fish.
Literally.
All right, let's Dear God, Knubbler! Your face! What have they done to you? It's called metal, General.
Well, we need to know exactly what they've been up to.
What have they been up to? They've been up to kicking ass and taking names.
- Knubbler! - Put that in your report, General Crozier.
- What the hell is going on down there? - Dethklok is amazing! The album is gonna rock so hard! The drums rock.
The bass rocks.
And the guitar the guitar rocks! Check it out.
Check it out! What? Now what's happening? Dear God! No! No! No!