Metalocalypse (2006) s02e02 Episode Script
Dethlessons
Nathan: # You instigate the murder # # At the gates of gods # # Draw your sword # Hey, what the hells are you doing right now? Whys it's gots to be about you? What about my guitar playing? Whats about it, you know? I'm the guitarist, too, Skwisgaar.
Sometimes you forget I wants to play the scales of the notes.
and everything like you, but you don'ts lets me.
You don'ts lets me! You're totally attacking me right now.
He's holding me backs, everybody! I'm a guitarist, too! You go away! # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything fo Dethklok # # Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! # It should be clear at this point that Toki.
is concerned about his role in the band.
What do you mean? He's the rhythm-guitar player.
Am I right? Yes, he is, but he's been complaining.
that he doesn't get enough spotlight and it's become apparent in the media.
Take a look at that.
What does he care? He don't even practice.
He doesn't write.
He just shows up.
That guy doesn't do anything.
Hey, he makes sandwiches, all right? I make sandwiches.
Whoa! That guy doesn't do anything! Well, uh, he is a band member so try to be nice to him.
Hey, hey, why don't you just get out of here.
and let the big boys deal with this one? Or maybe just write it down in that stupid little book you know, you file away with your little receipts.
for your lollipops and your pretzels, idiot.
Excuse me? I'm just messing with you, man.
You sure about that? Just palling around.
Being a little dick.
You know.
Fine, then.
Good day.
Wow, you were a dick! Yeah, you got it down to a science.
You notice how I'm not mad.
He gets mad.
That's being a dick.
That's amazing just to be able to manipulate like that.
Wow.
What a gift.
How do you just turn it on like that? Well, that takes years, boys.
I mean Pickles, you got something on your shirt right there.
I do? Blamo! Ow.
Whoa, what a dick.
Oh, Toki, it's adorable.
You really wants to takes more solos but I am the leads guitarist.
You know why? Because I am, how do you says, way more gooders than you.
That's why I needs me a piano teacher.
You mean guitar teacher.
Looks, looks, I gives you guitar lesson, huh? Takes you under my flippers.
We nots goes downs that dusty roads again! What do you mean? Okay, Toki plays me the harmonic minor scales in the key of "D.
" Oh, like this.
Wrong! Aah! Get your fingers out of my nose! You not great teacher, Skwisgaar.
Permits me to disagree.
Stupid, dumb, dildo, jack off, jerk, tits, ass.
What's this? Dimneld Selftcark! Oh, you're amazings.
Yeah, I guess I am.
Gots to have lessons from you.
Show me what you can do.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
Where's your guitar, boy? Thinks I left it at the Urban Outfitters.
Hmm.
Can I be honest with you? I don't think you got it, kid.
I don't think you got the discipline.
To be great, it takes lots of practice and you either got that fire in your belly, or you don't.
Buts I dos.
I dos.
Looks.
I mades my own guitar identities.
You gots to help me, Mr.
Selftcark.
Only if you promise me you'll go all the way.
No shortcuts.
No bull.
All or nothing.
You gots a deal.
Okay, you two.
Now, being a dick takes a lot of work.
The objective, guys, is to drive somebody crazy.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Skwisgaar's in there, practicing away.
Let's drive him crazy.
Follow my lead.
Try to keep up.
So, uh, sounds like Toki's really getting going.
over there with that new guitar teacher.
Yeah, I went by his room, dude.
He was doing some stuff on the guitar.
I was like, "what?" I never heard nothing like that.
I was like "are you speeding up a tape with a guitar solo on there?" I was like that, too.
But then I found out that he was not.
No, he wasn't.
He was really doing it.
Hey, oh, hey, Skwisgaar.
He's getting pretty good, huh? Yes, he's getting quite good.
If you guys don't mind I maybe wants to be bys myself for a second.
Noooo! It appears as if certain members of Dethklok.
are taking music lessons.
Allow me to officially introduce Vata Orlag political and spiritual specialist.
Having two guitarists in the same band.
is potentially destructive by itself but when one attempts to take away the other's status god help us.
The clashing of these evils is like two warring titans.
It's like Clash of the Titans.
Clash of the Titans.
Uh.
Uh, uh.
Ugh! No! Aaaah! Now, Toki, did you practice this week's lesson? No, master.
I must confess that I didn't.
You want to get better at guitar, right, boy? Oh, more than anythings in the world but first, happy birthday, master! What? What's this? Just a popsicle stick with a pick taped to the end.
You remembered my birthday.
Give me a hug.
I can't believe you remembered my bir Just my way of saying thanks.
Just My way of saying thanks.
Is this hims? This piece of trash! That's what you are.
You know that? You Skwisgaar, no! He's like a father friend! Oh, yeah? This garbage can right here? That your friend father? Well, it's either hims or the band.
What are you saying? I heresby perform citizens band firing effective now! Oh, you can't do that! You needs to present it to the band congress first! It gets the 2/3 vote! I wills begins the paperwork! Good day! Well, it's been a rough time for Dethklok with a full-blown guitar war waging behind the scenes.
All this while the world waits.
to hear what Toki Wartooth can really do on guitar.
I guess we'll find out at the Toki Wartooth recital scheduled this week.
In a press release written by Nathan, Pickles and William Murderface it was stated that Skwisgaar Skwigelf.
is a Swedish dildo licker and that Toki has grown into.
a true guitar master and is a lady on his period.
And that's the Dethklok minute.
I cannot in good faith sign off on this citizen's firing.
Why nots? Because some of the other band mates neglected to vote.
I said it once, and I'll say it again.
Voting sucks.
I was actually the President.
of the Voting-sucks club in high school.
Oh, yeah? How'd that go? Well, I never got re-elected.
Git-r-done! You know it.
Well, Toki, I don't know what to say.
Either you work this out with Skwisgaar.
or you'll have a bigger decision to make.
No, I nots works it out.
See? See? Right there.
I can'ts even talks to him.
He's unrationals.
Well, there you go.
Uh, Skwisgaar that uh, "Toki getting really good" thing, just kidding.
All a lie.
See ya! Ladies and gentlemen Toki Wartooth! Toki will now give information about his musical instrument.
Thanks you.
And nows I demonstrates the name of the string.
This one is an "E," and there's another "E" heres.
And the "G.
" And the "P.
" And the "C.
" Those are what's called the fret.
That's That's not a string.
But it's it's near the string, and, uh, never mind.
Let's play the scale that's, uh the major scales on the guitar string.
No, I can't do this! What? What's wrong? Can't do this anymore, master.
I can'ts takes no more piano lessons.
You mean guitar? Whatever.
I just wish I could be Shh.
Shh.
It's just as well.
I'm dying, boy.
I'm dying.
Toki, stop! I wants you to have this.
This is an importance to you that you have a magical things.
with that guys right there.
And I now know that you never gots good at guitars.
So it's okay for you to have this relationships.
Hey, over here! I'm sorry.
I know it was wrong to have manipulated you.
If I could take it back, I would.
I was wrong.
Skwisgaar, you were afraids that I was better than you? Stop! Over here! Don't quit the band, Toki! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have manipulated the situation! Hey! Pickles, over here! Yeah? It's Nathan! Um, I already said all that stuff, like, already.
You did? Yes.
Toki, the bands needs you evens though you don'ts do nothing.
Stop! I'm sorry! Sorry about being a dick, but sometimes it's hard to suppress.
the urge of ruining other people's lives! Why doesn't everyone of ya just go kill yourself, idiots? I'm sorry! I'm just being a dick! Wowee! You really are my family.
Boy, I just wanted to say one thing before I go.
I love you, boy.
I love y
Sometimes you forget I wants to play the scales of the notes.
and everything like you, but you don'ts lets me.
You don'ts lets me! You're totally attacking me right now.
He's holding me backs, everybody! I'm a guitarist, too! You go away! # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything fo Dethklok # # Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! # It should be clear at this point that Toki.
is concerned about his role in the band.
What do you mean? He's the rhythm-guitar player.
Am I right? Yes, he is, but he's been complaining.
that he doesn't get enough spotlight and it's become apparent in the media.
Take a look at that.
What does he care? He don't even practice.
He doesn't write.
He just shows up.
That guy doesn't do anything.
Hey, he makes sandwiches, all right? I make sandwiches.
Whoa! That guy doesn't do anything! Well, uh, he is a band member so try to be nice to him.
Hey, hey, why don't you just get out of here.
and let the big boys deal with this one? Or maybe just write it down in that stupid little book you know, you file away with your little receipts.
for your lollipops and your pretzels, idiot.
Excuse me? I'm just messing with you, man.
You sure about that? Just palling around.
Being a little dick.
You know.
Fine, then.
Good day.
Wow, you were a dick! Yeah, you got it down to a science.
You notice how I'm not mad.
He gets mad.
That's being a dick.
That's amazing just to be able to manipulate like that.
Wow.
What a gift.
How do you just turn it on like that? Well, that takes years, boys.
I mean Pickles, you got something on your shirt right there.
I do? Blamo! Ow.
Whoa, what a dick.
Oh, Toki, it's adorable.
You really wants to takes more solos but I am the leads guitarist.
You know why? Because I am, how do you says, way more gooders than you.
That's why I needs me a piano teacher.
You mean guitar teacher.
Looks, looks, I gives you guitar lesson, huh? Takes you under my flippers.
We nots goes downs that dusty roads again! What do you mean? Okay, Toki plays me the harmonic minor scales in the key of "D.
" Oh, like this.
Wrong! Aah! Get your fingers out of my nose! You not great teacher, Skwisgaar.
Permits me to disagree.
Stupid, dumb, dildo, jack off, jerk, tits, ass.
What's this? Dimneld Selftcark! Oh, you're amazings.
Yeah, I guess I am.
Gots to have lessons from you.
Show me what you can do.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
Where's your guitar, boy? Thinks I left it at the Urban Outfitters.
Hmm.
Can I be honest with you? I don't think you got it, kid.
I don't think you got the discipline.
To be great, it takes lots of practice and you either got that fire in your belly, or you don't.
Buts I dos.
I dos.
Looks.
I mades my own guitar identities.
You gots to help me, Mr.
Selftcark.
Only if you promise me you'll go all the way.
No shortcuts.
No bull.
All or nothing.
You gots a deal.
Okay, you two.
Now, being a dick takes a lot of work.
The objective, guys, is to drive somebody crazy.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Skwisgaar's in there, practicing away.
Let's drive him crazy.
Follow my lead.
Try to keep up.
So, uh, sounds like Toki's really getting going.
over there with that new guitar teacher.
Yeah, I went by his room, dude.
He was doing some stuff on the guitar.
I was like, "what?" I never heard nothing like that.
I was like "are you speeding up a tape with a guitar solo on there?" I was like that, too.
But then I found out that he was not.
No, he wasn't.
He was really doing it.
Hey, oh, hey, Skwisgaar.
He's getting pretty good, huh? Yes, he's getting quite good.
If you guys don't mind I maybe wants to be bys myself for a second.
Noooo! It appears as if certain members of Dethklok.
are taking music lessons.
Allow me to officially introduce Vata Orlag political and spiritual specialist.
Having two guitarists in the same band.
is potentially destructive by itself but when one attempts to take away the other's status god help us.
The clashing of these evils is like two warring titans.
It's like Clash of the Titans.
Clash of the Titans.
Uh.
Uh, uh.
Ugh! No! Aaaah! Now, Toki, did you practice this week's lesson? No, master.
I must confess that I didn't.
You want to get better at guitar, right, boy? Oh, more than anythings in the world but first, happy birthday, master! What? What's this? Just a popsicle stick with a pick taped to the end.
You remembered my birthday.
Give me a hug.
I can't believe you remembered my bir Just my way of saying thanks.
Just My way of saying thanks.
Is this hims? This piece of trash! That's what you are.
You know that? You Skwisgaar, no! He's like a father friend! Oh, yeah? This garbage can right here? That your friend father? Well, it's either hims or the band.
What are you saying? I heresby perform citizens band firing effective now! Oh, you can't do that! You needs to present it to the band congress first! It gets the 2/3 vote! I wills begins the paperwork! Good day! Well, it's been a rough time for Dethklok with a full-blown guitar war waging behind the scenes.
All this while the world waits.
to hear what Toki Wartooth can really do on guitar.
I guess we'll find out at the Toki Wartooth recital scheduled this week.
In a press release written by Nathan, Pickles and William Murderface it was stated that Skwisgaar Skwigelf.
is a Swedish dildo licker and that Toki has grown into.
a true guitar master and is a lady on his period.
And that's the Dethklok minute.
I cannot in good faith sign off on this citizen's firing.
Why nots? Because some of the other band mates neglected to vote.
I said it once, and I'll say it again.
Voting sucks.
I was actually the President.
of the Voting-sucks club in high school.
Oh, yeah? How'd that go? Well, I never got re-elected.
Git-r-done! You know it.
Well, Toki, I don't know what to say.
Either you work this out with Skwisgaar.
or you'll have a bigger decision to make.
No, I nots works it out.
See? See? Right there.
I can'ts even talks to him.
He's unrationals.
Well, there you go.
Uh, Skwisgaar that uh, "Toki getting really good" thing, just kidding.
All a lie.
See ya! Ladies and gentlemen Toki Wartooth! Toki will now give information about his musical instrument.
Thanks you.
And nows I demonstrates the name of the string.
This one is an "E," and there's another "E" heres.
And the "G.
" And the "P.
" And the "C.
" Those are what's called the fret.
That's That's not a string.
But it's it's near the string, and, uh, never mind.
Let's play the scale that's, uh the major scales on the guitar string.
No, I can't do this! What? What's wrong? Can't do this anymore, master.
I can'ts takes no more piano lessons.
You mean guitar? Whatever.
I just wish I could be Shh.
Shh.
It's just as well.
I'm dying, boy.
I'm dying.
Toki, stop! I wants you to have this.
This is an importance to you that you have a magical things.
with that guys right there.
And I now know that you never gots good at guitars.
So it's okay for you to have this relationships.
Hey, over here! I'm sorry.
I know it was wrong to have manipulated you.
If I could take it back, I would.
I was wrong.
Skwisgaar, you were afraids that I was better than you? Stop! Over here! Don't quit the band, Toki! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have manipulated the situation! Hey! Pickles, over here! Yeah? It's Nathan! Um, I already said all that stuff, like, already.
You did? Yes.
Toki, the bands needs you evens though you don'ts do nothing.
Stop! I'm sorry! Sorry about being a dick, but sometimes it's hard to suppress.
the urge of ruining other people's lives! Why doesn't everyone of ya just go kill yourself, idiots? I'm sorry! I'm just being a dick! Wowee! You really are my family.
Boy, I just wanted to say one thing before I go.
I love you, boy.
I love y