Metalocalypse (2006) s03e02 Episode Script

Tributeklok

The big news of the day Dethklok bailed out of performing at the Michigan "Metal Health" Alliance benefit because as stated by William Murderface, "they weren't making any money off of it" But the real back lash happened when Murderface, representing Dethklok appeared on a popular political talk show Dethklok doesn't owe you shit pal, or anybody else You need me to spell it out for you fine, I will! Hey, everybody in the whole fuckin' world! We're Dethklok! And you can just suck our krillionaire cock! We can't afford to pay our mortgages and Dethklok is laughing at us! fuck them! They've gotten too big, they used to be one of us! Doodily ding dong ticktock Doodily ding dong ticktock Doodily ding dong ticktock Doodily ding dong ticktock Doodily ding dong ticktock Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! I'llteach you torock Dethklok, Dethklok skwisgaar skwigelf, taller than a tree Toki Wartooth, Murderface Murderface Pickles the drummer doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo Nathan Explosion They've gotten too big They used to be one of us! Alright guys, this is costing us several million dollars to destroy this report I want you to know that, William A lot of stuff that you don't know about goes into silencing the media First off, we need to make agreements with all participants to evict all information from the record That of course includes rounding up all participants What the fuck?! And of course if there are any problems we'll have to deal with them You can take this waiver and shove it up your ass! Let it be known that the participant is belligerent Noted Participant slated for mental reprogramming, facial reconstructive surgery, and relocation [ groaning .]
Well you guys don't need to know everything that goes into it Just know it's a long, complicated expensive process This isn't my face! This happens every time you, William, have a media disaster, which is often Why is everybody blaming me? You consistently make us look like a bunch of dumb, rich, sheltered assholes We should put's a fuckin' muzzle on dat guys Toki? Ams you wearings my pants? What's? shuts up Dammits Murderface! We puts a muzzle on you asshole! Boy dids you fuck up! I would likes my pants back fuck you, Toki! I'll take that shit from these assholes but not you Well regardless Murderface Fuck you! Right Furthermore, due to this backlash we decided to get closer to the fans by lifting the worldwide ban on Dethklok tribute bands And, uh, you don't have to worry about that now We'll get to it tomorrow My lords your jet to lbiza awaits What the fuck are we going to lbiza for? Well it's the location of the pentuplemint gum company You all participated in a monster European ad campaign for Pentuplemint gum and the premiere's tonight Yeah, Pentuplemint, like Pentagram That's fuck badass Right guys? Yeah, it's totally badass and brutal Pentuplemint gum [ dance music plays .]
this is a pretty metal party Yeah! Hey you get over here What are those? This is a sugar crusted baconwrapped chilean sea bass seared in a platinum pan just how you like it, sire Ohhh! Dear god, that's good Oh kick ass, they're gonna show our bubblegum premiere Oh brutal! You know Murderface, you might have fuck up some fuck, but at least this has got the Dethklok stamp of approval And it's gonna be fuck badass! And it's gonna be fuck metal! oh when you're feeling alright you know you really gotta and it's really times to rock and roll! super squares are the magical thing it's a hob nobby dildo that's shaking a tree i'm talking pentuplemint spearmint gum i'm talking pentuplemint spearmint gum i'm talking pentuplemint spearmint gum fuck seriously chewy [silent crowd.]
oohhh That was not very good Hey, you're Nathan Explosion right? Uh, yeah Get away from me I just want to say I think you're a real sellout and I ain't buying no more of your records Take this fuck head fuck you Pentuplemint gum's fuck lame! You should know that Dude it's okay! lt's a European ad! Come back! lt's a Europeans ads lt doesn't make a difference! I thought it didn't makes a difference! Uh, apparently it does fuck I think that fuck kid was right What are we doing? selling gum in Europe? There's nothing brutal about that We wouldn't have done that when we started out lt's not just Murderface, it's us Maybe we should just get used to being sellouts We're totally out of touch You know right? Right super model that I just fuck'd? Cfo: welcome back everyone You look a little tired, a little hung over Let's get right into this since the lifting of the worldwide ban on Dethklok tribute bands, there has been an explosion all around the globe As per the terms of the vote, Dethklok retains the right of approval or disapproval of each band Let's begin First, from Boulder, Colorado, smoothklok, who perform smooth jazz versions of Dethklok songs sKWlsGAAR: Yeah that's ams pretty crappsy TOKl: Gots to admits it's brutal though NATHAN: Brutal as in, like, what if I had to listen to this shit CFO: This is Ladyklok, an allfemale tribute to Dethklok ALL: Nooo MURDERFACE: Women are physically incapable of achieving brutality lt's just a cruel fact of nature That Lady Pickles is pretty cute though That's kind of creepy No it isn't she does have pretty eyes From Korea, Dethkrok No The Barbarklok Quintet No Christklok Uhh Thunderhorse Noo Yes sorry Toki? Did I hear a yes? I likes 'em Next band Wait a minute Are you kiddings Toki? Look at them guys I thinks they're pretty cool Wait a minute! No that's pretty cool Let's move on Wait! stop the video!! Zoom in Closer To the right Right there That's Toki MURDERFACE: lt is! Holy shit You're in a tribute band paying tribute to yourself? That's like jacking off to a picture of yourself online Which I've done Of course I'm not's paying tribute to myself ln Thunderhorse, I'm skwisgaar Dats why my pants and shirts keep disappearing! Dats fuckin' weird dudes Well, we're really good We plays every Thursday night Wait a minute! Thursday night? That's impossible! You have astronaut class on Thursday night Astronaut class is a lie?!! I've been telling everybody that you're going to be an astronaut Now you're making me look like an asshole! Now waits, waits! Give us a chance Come sees us play! Uhhh, I don't know Wait a minute Tribute band, crappy club, real people Maybe we should go Wow What a shit hole Look at that stage lt's fuckin' tiny! PlCKLEs: Oh, wait no dude, it's just an optical illusion lt just looks small because it's real far away Check it out I'll walk all the way over to it Holy shit, it's tiny! Hey uh, I'm Jimmy Palamino, uh Palamino Tribute band Emporium Your home to the best, to the next best thing to the best lt's my pleasure to welcome to the stage Norman Blowup, Pockles the Drummer, Tooki Wolfpaint, Billy Butterface and skwisgaar skwigelf Didn'ts even change my name? Ladies and gentlemen, Thunderhorse! Hey guys, are you ready to get brutal? You gotta let us into your band I agrees I think this is just what we needs But we already gots a you Me Well fines then I'll be you A much betters you lt'll be perfect! We'll be regular jackoffs! No one will even know it's us if we're in our own tribute group! You all want to join Thunderhorse? Yes We do We're going to take a break from the fuckin' disgusting asshole rich life And what better way to do that than by joining a tribute band to the greatest band in the world Dethklok! But Nathan's we can't kicks everyones out of de bands! lt's their tribute band! fuck that, watch this Hey you guys, fuckin' scram Bye bye Fired You don't have to go home but you can't stay here Bye bye Uhhhh, they're not getting it Look guys, we're only thinking about what's best for Thunderhorse here Alright how 'bout this You guys got about five seconds to get out of here then the beatings begin get out, scram even me? No, no no You're special We need you Just kidding Yes, you too, pug nose scramarooney On through that door Go on Get out of here! Gentlemen, we are faced with a volatile situation Dethklok has deliberately stepped down from celebrity status in an attempt to meld into normal society lf this type of behavior spread to the greater celebrity world, the effects could be devastating We have a celebrity specialist to tell us more Gentlemen, once a mortal becomes a celebrity, their credibility is constantly challenged by regular jackoffs This of course sends them in search of their innocence and former naivete When these celebrities realize they can no longer be who they were they become despondent selfhating zombies and flee from the public lf Dethklok withdrawals the consequences will be abominable The economy would begin to fall upon itself and world relations would crumble We all die Good god Our worst nightmare Exactly What can we do? Right now, nothing We can only pray that by some miracle, Dethklok comes to their senses Thank you! We are Thunderhorse, a tribute to the greatest band in the world Dethklok Good night! Man can you believe this? I mean, this is what we were talking about not too long ago This fuckin' lifestyle, five sweaty dudes in a shitty little room No bull shit, fancy caterings and topshelf booze yeah, and no wide screen tvs to throw our empty champagne bottles through Hey, nice job, guys You almost sound like the real thing Anyway, here's a few beer tickets On the house Beer tickets? I think he said, "beer tickets" beer tickets? I don't know what that is Well these are good for any of the cheap domestics Yeah, let's try your little theory out, shit head You do it, I'm not doing it I'll do it, I don't care Yeah do it Pickles, see what happens! stand and wait for him Go Go go, go go go Uhh, I have a beer ticket for one beer please What is he doing? What happened? Guys! lt's a beer! You mean that that things he gaves you ams likes little monies what ams only for beers? How come Dethklok never got beer tickets before? Yeah what the hell? Okay, this is bullshit all right? All we ever get is all the booze we can drink We never get beer tickets Hey uh, excuse me? Are you Norman Blowup? Uh, yeah That's who I am I'm heading up the Pontiac Michigan Metal Health Alliance Benefit and would love for you guys to play it Uh lady I don't think so We don't do that kind of thing Wait, guys Dethklok would never do something like this, but Thunderhorse would We'll do it Thunderhorse is going to be there Yeah you can count on them I know of a party at this dude's house, and I think his parents are out of town Will there be people there we can get in touch with our roots with, like ugly chicks? Probably We're going This is it, guys Hanging out with regular jackoffs I feel like we're finally getting in touch with our fuckin' roots and fuck guys, that's pretty fuckin' awesome [ loud rumble .]
I think that's my stomach [ rumble .]
I think that's me maybe [ rumbling continues .]
Wait When was the last time we ate? I don't know We usually get fed by our servants But, they aren't here Right they ring that bell and then we know we're supposed to eat I don't remembers no ones ringing no bells, so that's means it's been days since we ates Guys, I think we're starving I remember this Does we gots any monies? Nope We got those beer tickets That's all Well how the fuck are we gonna eat then?! I got it We're hungry I'm going to get us a gig so you know, this gig here doesn't pay but, you know, when you're done you can have all the spaghetti you want Dats fine Probably what we'd use our money on anyway: spaghetti Yeah spaghetti Cut out the middleman so uhhh, I'm not seeing any loadin team Can you page them or whatever and tell them to load us in? I'm started to get worried about time here Oh, no no no no There's no loadin team You guys are gonna have to set up your own gear Alright We're done loading in gear Murderface, you haven't even loaded your gear in yet I'm not loading it I don't do that Dude, everyone loads in their own stuff lt's the rules! Oh like it matters I'll just fuckin' pretend play lt won't be the first time What? Nothin! lt won't be the first time you pretend played? Well that's good That's good to know [ music continues .]
Great The spaghetti is ruined We'll at least we got the gig tonight at Palaminos We'll just make sure to not get paid in beer ticket money, but actual money Thank you! Good night! Whoa, that's the smallest audience we've ever played You guys must've forgotten to flyer Flyering? Am I from outer space? What's flyering? We have to print out some advertisements, write the information on there, pass them out to people Boom! Everyone's here We'll be turning people away [ rumbling .]
Looks like Dethklok's stirring up things again! The Pentuplemint Gum Company was attacked earlier today by angry Dethklok fans for "exploiting" the band The destruction cost the company nearly 12 million in repairs but who's really at fault here? And where's Dethklok to answer these questions? Looks like it's a good time to not be in Dethklok ln related news, the struggling Dethklok tribute band, Thunderhorse, has been signed to headline the Metal Health Alliance benefit Big deal! Who cares! sloppy seconds anyone? Hmm Guys we don't have a lot of money, so we're not going to get that many flyers so we gotta place them very strategically, all right? We got to place them really, really strategically Next Oh look at you guys You're a band That's real exciting Making flyers so you can get big and famous? Ugh, yeah We'd like to make flyers What's your band called? Hey we're called uh, Thun never heard of you surprise! Dats why we ams gettings flyers, so peoples knows whats who we are And then you'll be a big rock and roll star!!! Wowie! Another band lf I wasn't so lethargic from from hunger I'd, uh, kick your ass and make copies of it here Copy That's my stomach, making that sound Uhhhh Why are we here? Why do we have this stack of paper? Passing out flyers Right Fuck Why am I so fuckin' tired? I mean I know I'm hungry, but why am I so hungry? I know why We haven't eaten We haven't had a good night of sleep Well our sleeping situation could be better [ skwisgaar moans .]
Moves your arm Does you likes that? Does you likes that? Lets me knows if I tickles you [ rumbling .]
sorry that's my stomach so yeah We have a hundred flyers here, that's it We need them to go out to people who will come to a show Do not fuck this up, Murderface And with the real Dethklok on indefinite hiatus, tonight's benefit is being touted as the local event of the year And it features the band that sounds almost just like Dethklok more or less [ Nathan grunting .]
CFO: so, uh, this is what you guys have been up to, huh? No answer? Getting back to your roots been good? Nathan? Yes lt's been really good You guys doing okay with no money or accommodations? We've been fine! God! Well uh, you don't sound fine You sound agitated Hungry Miserable Anyway the reason I'm here is that I caught wind that "Thunderhorse" is doing a health benefit You realize tonight is your uh, Chefs from around the World Taste Test party? But we have an obligation and Thunderhorse doesn't back down on obligations not like some other bands Well uhh, I brought you guys some Kobe beef fois gras burgers No!!!! We don't eat that fancy expensive stuff anymore!!! We're getting in touch with our roots!!!! Uhh, alright then Well, you guys know how to get in touch with me Goodbye [ rumbling .]
Thunderhorse! Thunderhorse! Thunderhorse! Thunderhorse! Thunderhorse! Thunderhorse! [ chanting continues .]
Well uh, guys, tonight's the big night metal health alliance benefit that we said we'd do You all feeling good? [ clears throat .]
Ugh [ sniffs .]
Hey, you are Norman Blowup from Thunderhorse right? Yeah, yeah I am I just want to say I think you are a fuckin' sellout for doing this health benefit concert Dethklok would never do something like this and you're ruining their good name Fuck you! You should know better than that! [ rumbling .]
You know, uh, guys, it's hard to say this but, I've have my fuckin' fill of getting back to our roots And, that's because it fuckin' sucks I am so glad you said that I mean the reason we are in Dethklok is because we all paid our dues already I didn't I says we gets the fuck out of here But dude we still have to do that benefit We promised those guys we'd do it! Thunderhorse promised Not Dethklok Dethklok's getting the fuck out of here and getting some fuckin' food Waits stops! We needs to tell thems that we are going lt's a health benefits! We needs to do the right things! lts a mob of angry people, Toki Who do you wanna throw out there to the fuckin' sharks? Hello one and all I have a small announcement We want Thunderhorse!! lt would seem that Thunderhorse will not be performing this evening as scheduled What? What the fuck?! Hear me out I think if we can all just remain calm Take this beer bottle on your face Look, you fuckin' pricks!! I don't have to take this kind of bullshit from you fuckin' dildos!! I'm fuckin' William fuckin' Murderface! And you can suck my millionaire cock! [ angry shouting .]
We're ready now Pick us up in our big fancy fuckin' helicopter
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