Mighty Med (2013) s02e11 Episode Script

So Stefanie just texted me to say "I will never, ever, ever, ever date you.
Ever.
" I didn't even ask her out.
She just wanted to remind me.
A text from Stefanie.
"I will never, ever, ever date Kaz ever.
" Please show this to Kaz.
I wish I could find a pretty girl who knows that I work at Mighty Med so she'd know how cool I am.
I told you, I'm fine.
Nightstrike barely scratched me.
It's Spark, the girl who was born with superpowers after her mom, an astronaut who was pregnant, was hit with gamma rays while orbiting Mars.
Why couldn't my mom expose herself to gamma rays when she was pregnant? She wouldn't even eat sushi.
Thanks for nothing, Mom.
I said I'm fine! Spark is so awesome.
I'm gonna go ask her out.
You've never even met her.
You can't just ask out a superhero.
You have to become friends first, and then gradually transition into something more.
Trust me, I know everything about being in love with a superhero.
Yeah, except how to get her to love you back.
Yes, that part is harder.
I'm just gonna go for it.
I've already thought of a brilliant line if she says no.
I'll just say, "Who cares what you think?" That doesn't seem all that brilliant.
Who cares what you think? Hey, girl, wanna go out with me? - I'd love to.
- Who cares what you Wait, what? Yeah.
Boys are always too intimidated to ask me out.
They usually wanna become friends first, then slowly transition into something more.
That's just stupid.
I know.
So, uh, when should I pick you up? I don't know.
Maybe I'll pick you up.
I'm so excited about our first date Me, too.
And I have the perfect place to eat.
You know that fancy restaurant down on 5th Street? Sometimes, at the end of the night, they throw away their food.
I can fly, remember? We can go anywhere.
And I know exactly what we should do.
Picnic on a cloud.
This is incredible.
How am I staying up here? You're fine, as long as you hold my hand.
Just kidding.
I'm creating an anti-gravity field all around us.
So don't eat anything too heavy.
Thank you for doing all this.
I'd say I'm on cloud nine, but I don't really know how many clouds there are, or what the numbering system is.
Kaz, I'm having such a great time.
I was nervous because I haven't really dated very much.
The truth is, I've never had a real boyfriend.
How is that possible? Even my sister has a boyfriend, and she looks like Shrek.
Excuse me.
Hello.
Oh, yeah, I'm nowhere special.
Just with a friend.
Yeah, dinner at 7:00.
I'll be Who are you talking to? You have another girlfriend, and you're going to dinner with her after our date? My phone! No! Must have internet at all times.
Who is that boyfriend-stealing floozy?! I'll rip her face right off her head! That boyfriend-stealing floozy was my mother, telling me to be home for dinner by 7:00.
Oops.
Sorry.
My mistake.
Anyway what were we talking about? Why you've never had a boyfriend before.
Oh, yeah.
I have no idea why.
I think it's because I'm not aggressive enough.
Hey, Horace.
Can I make a suggestion? I've a tried all the dandruff shampoos, thank you very much.
No, I was thinking maybe we should increase the security here, given all the recent villain break-ins.
Oh, please.
Mighty Med is perfectly safe.
We already have foolproof measures in place.
See.
Forget the sign.
Don't you think we should replace the broken security bots and get better guards? The ones we have are a bunch of dummies.
Are you talking about me or him? You mean Henderson.
He's just filling in for Jenkins, who's also a mannequin.
Look, I'll prove it to you.
I'll try to break in to the hospital, and you try and keep me out.
And if you can't, then you have to let me implement new security measures.
Oh, you're on.
There is no way you're getting in here, because I have the utmost confidence in my team.
Right, fellas? Another reason I deserve to make more than him.
Hey, Kaz, how was the big date? It was a nightmare.
(Quietly( Spark is completely crazy and jealous.
Why are you whispering? You try dating a girl who has super hearing and can fly at the speed of light.
I can't talk right now.
Why can't you talk right now? Uh because I'm too busy talking to you.
Aw! Did you see I decorated your locker? Pretty.
See ya later.
Aw, how sweet.
You're blown away by me.
I've got to figure out a way to get out of this relationship.
Just break up with her.
I mean, I'm sure she'll be crushed No, I'll be crushed.
She said if I ever broke up with her, she'd crush my bones and use them as bath salts.
Sounds simultaneously violent and relaxing.
Wait.
I have an idea.
She can't hurt me if I'm already dead.
So I'll just fake my own death.
Why is that always your first suggestion? You said the same thing when your father wanted you to mow the lawn.
I'm serious.
All we have to do is fake my own death, then I'll lay low for a few weeks, and hopefully, I'll never have to see her again.
But I'll need your help.
Forget it.
This is crazy.
I'm not gonna help you lie to her like this.
If you don't help me, then I'll just tell everybody at school about your fear of falling airplane toilets.
All right.
Thank you all for coming to "Kaz' funeral.
" Of course, you all know why I use finger quotes.
Yeah, we get it.
Your fingers are flexible.
Well, so are mine.
Come on, boys, we practiced this.
Ooh, pizza! Wait.
I didn't order any pizza.
Then again, maybe I did and I forgot about it.
When I'm hungry, I sometimes have short-term memory loss.
Ooh, pizza Wait, I didn't order any pizza.
Guards, make sure he's clean.
I got this one.
He's clean.
What kind of soap do you use? Do I smell sandalwood? Okay, fine.
Ha! I got you.
Wait.
So there's no pizza? Look how easily someone can sneak in here.
I could've had a bomb.
Or pizza.
All right, Skylar, you proved your point.
I'm putting you in charge of improving security.
Great.
You'll see some real changes around here.
You guys mind if I take these boxes? I'm looking for a new place to live.
My current roommate just lies awake at night staring at me.
It's really creepy, Henderson.
Oliver, I got your message.
I can't believe Kaz is gone.
What happened? He was trying to save a bus full of puppies that swerved off a bridge.
I blame the bus company.
That's what they get for letting puppies drive a bus.
I mean, full-grown dogs, sure, but puppies don't have the attention span.
I just wish I could've done something to prevent it.
Thank you for having this memorial service, Oliver.
The least I could do for my best friend is host this poorly catered, sparsely attended memorial service.
No kidding.
Where is everybody? See if I come to any of your fake memorials.
What are you watching? My own funeral.
See, I was afraid to break up with my superhero girlfriend because I thought she'd destroy me, so I'm pretending to be dead.
This is a terrible idea.
It's in poor taste, and it can only end badly.
Well, I think it's a brilliant idea, is in fine taste, and can only end goodly.
Okay.
It's your funeral.
This is boring.
Isn't there another funeral we can watch? I'm changing the channel.
Stop it.
It's my funeral, and I wanna watch it.
Uh Amazing.
Kaz must've pre-recorded a final good-bye message for his friends.
Look at him.
It's almost as if he's still with us, and I could call out to him and say, "Kaz, I can see you right now on the monitor in the Domain.
" If I seem to be at a loss for words, it's because I'm dead.
Okay, service is over.
Everyone out.
Because this is just too painful.
Especially for his beloved girlfriend Where'd she go? Oh, no.
Kaz.
Hey, there you are, Oliver.
Thank you for warning me.
Hope that psycho Spark bought it.
Um, Kaz.
You might wanna turn around.
Hey.
I was just talking about you.
I cannot believe you.
You faked your own death because you didn't want to spend time with me?! Okay, ordinarily, I would try to lie my way out of this, but I'm just gonna tell the truth.
I'm a ghost.
Oooh.
You two look like you need to be left alone, because it's better if there are no witnesses.
I thought you liked me.
I can't believe I was so stupid.
Good going, Kaz.
We're supposed to save superheroes, not hurt them.
Hope you're happy.
Not really.
She didn't cry at all when she thought I was dead.
What the heck? Horace, I've already taken several steps to better secure the hospital.
So have I.
Anyway Our computers contain top-secret information that villains would literally kill for.
So logging in will now require a 75-character password.
If anyone enters the wrong password, a defense system is armed.
That's weird.
My password won't work Henderson, are you just gonna stand there? Help him! Next, I figured out a way to prevent villains from stealing our weapons and technology.
If any of our equipment is touched by anyone whose fingerprints have not been authorized, an alarm is triggered.
Hey, why won't this thing turn on? Oh, whew.
That was close.
Kaz, what makes you think that Spark came here? I just followed the trail of crumpled-up tissues.
Spark, I'm surprised you're back on your feet after our last battle.
You're tougher than I realized.
What are you doing? My boyfriend dumped me.
This is great.
I can't attack you while you're crying.
Everyone will think I'm a total jerk.
Why did he dump me? Why? Look, I'll give you a minute to pull yourself together.
But then, I'm gonna have to destroy you, because I've already told people I was coming.
Kaz, you have to somehow make her feel better, or she's gonna get destroyed by Nightstrike.
You know, I just got out of a serious relationship, and I don't hear anyone asking about my feelings.
Nightstrike, do you mind if I Please.
Spark, this is all my fault.
I never should've asked you out.
I wasn't ready for a relationship.
But in my defense, I had no idea how crazy you were.
That's who you're crying over? What is wrong with you? Spark, you have 30 seconds.
Spark, listen to me.
You're amazing.
You're beautiful and brave, and an incredible hero.
You deserve someone who will respect you, not hurt you.
You deserve someone who'll make you laugh, not cry.
You deserve someone who'll love you for the treasure you are.
You're right.
Thanks, Oliver.
All right, Nightstrike.
Now it's your turn to cry.
Surrender, or the not-so pretty boy gets it.
Watch out, Oliver.
Oh, me.
You really think I wanna keep him around? Kaz broke my heart.
Spark, you were incredible.
Thanks.
And you're right.
I do deserve someone better than Kaz.
Someone like you.
What? I agree.
Oliver would make a great boyfriend.
I would date him right now if I could, but I can't, 'cause I just got out of a relationship.
Relax.
I'm just kidding.
I would never date you, Oliver.
I may be unstable, but I'm not desperate.
Who cares what you think? Let's say a villain somehow manages to get past the electrified fence and the bottomless pit that I've installed in the janitor's closet.
They'll still need to get past this.
A laser grid that will set off deadly booby traps for any villain who triggers it.
Skylar, I've seen enough.
Turn this thing off before a staff member we actually care about gets hurt.
You have gone completely overboard with these security measures.
What were you thinking? I'm sorry, it's just When the Annihilator broke in and turned me evil, I almost hurt a lot of people I love, and Alan.
I figured if I could keep Mighty Med safe, then I'd never be able to hurt anyone again.
I understand, Skylar.
Why don't we work together and come up with a security system that works for everyone? I'll get you a tissue.
Why would you put an alarm on that? The weird thing is, I didn't.
Then who did?