Milo Murphy's Law (2016) s01e10 Episode Script
The Wilder West
1 [MUSIC.]
[FALCON SCREECHES.]
Here we are.
Okay, kids, remember, we're just a phone call away at the Outlet Mall.
We only have to pay half price when it breaks.
Thanks, Milo's mom and dad.
- Thanks, guys, have a good time.
- So long.
Oh, didn't realize we still had her.
Bye, Sara, be sure to look up from your phone once in a while.
Ah, the great outdoors.
The sky is blue, the fields are wide open The bargains are close by.
BRIGETTE: You kids have fun.
It's just so peaceful.
[WHISTLES.]
Welcome to the Nowhere Desert Dude Ranch.
Where you will experience [AIRPLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
The serenity of the wild frontier.
Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh! I think this is the undiscovered shooting location of episode 576 of Dr.
Zone.
See? Definitely a similar beaut shaped beaut.
- Am I pronouncing that correctly? - I can't wait to see what my fellow Dr.
Zone fans have to say about this.
Ah, Dr.
Zone fan.
You're gonna wanna check out that corral over there.
Awesome! Oh, I gotta document this.
I'll find you later.
- Use helmets.
- Got 'em.
Oh, I mean on the horses.
- Do they even make helmets for - Got 'em.
COWBOY: Those are our three best horses.
Princess, Buttercup and Psycho.
[NIEGHING.]
Whoa, boy! Any chance of us getting a calmer horse? Well, Psycho there is usually our calmest horse.
That's why we named him Psycho, for the irony.
We crack ourselves up.
Not that I don't enjoy danger, which I don't, but, do they have other stuff to do here? Like other stuff that we might not necessarily get injured doing.
- Archery, white water rafting - No, no - zip lining, cattle roping - No, no - straws making - Oh, that sounds fun.
- On an open bonfire.
- Okay Maybe there's a hayride? It goes around the open bonfire.
- All right, horseback riding, it is.
- I'm ready! [NEIGHING.]
Whoa, boy! What's that up ahead? [MUSIC.]
You know, every time a masked bandit comes furiously charging towards me I'd like to take a deep Whoa! [NEIGHS.]
Whoa, whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa - Look out! - Stop, stop, stop.
[SCREAMING.]
[YELLS.]
It's a good thing I had the lacrosse stick.
What is a masked bandit even doing on a dude ranch? Well, he can't get away with that at the Outlet Mall.
[NEIGHING.]
[ANGELIC MUSIC.]
[HEART BEATING RAPIDLY.]
Hey, I'm Jackie.
I pull that with all our guests.
Did I get your hearts racing? - Yes, indeed.
- Sure did.
- [CHUCKLES.]
A little.
- That's how I like it.
After all, I am the great-great- great-great-granddaughter - of Calamity Jane.
- Really? I am the great-great- great- great-grandson of the original Murphy.
- Of Murphy's Law.
- Never heard of it.
- Really? - Yeah.
I make a point of not knowing any laws.
Well, it just means that, anything that can go wrong, - will go wrong.
Around me.
- Awesome.
Do you guys want my version of the tour? [CHUCKLES.]
I don't know.
The two of us together? Yeah, we already hit our danger quota, right, Zack? I wasn't saying that.
Why would I say that? I love danger.
Danger is in my blood.
It's my fuel.
Danger is my middle name.
Well, it's Milo's middle name.
But it could be my middle name, I could change it.
[CHUCKLING.]
I'm afraid we've lost him.
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think this is the exact pasture they used.
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
Oh, that is the exact hay! Oh, those are the exact cows! [SARA MOOING.]
[COWS MOOING.]
Yep, yep, hey, I know you guys.
Say, "Cheese.
" Or, maybe that's rude to say to a cow.
BOY: Yeah, they look like the same cows.
We saw your post, we came right away.
Of course, as the official moderators of the Dr.
Zone fan site, we will have to verify the authenticity before we post anything.
Hey, guys! Wait, I thought I thought we were dressing up.
[FALCON SCREECHES.]
So, what school do you go to? What grade are you in? I've gone to a lot of different schools, so Well, I was being home schooled, but I got kicked out.
- Rattle snake? - Oh, sure.
Don't suck on it.
There's still venom in those fangs.
Oh, good thing you said something [IMITATES MUNCHING.]
- I don't know if we should go up here.
- Why not? Because all these signs say don't go up here.
Rock slide possible.
Well, Zack doesn't seem worried.
And he's the cautious one.
Oh, don't worry about the signs.
They just say possible.
How often does the worst thing that can happen, actually happen? Yeah, we'll be fine.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
ZACK: Oh, no! Out on the branch.
[SCREAMING.]
[EXCLAIMS.]
I can't believe the rock slide actually happened! - My beaut believes it.
- What a rush! So, back to camp for s'mores? - No, we got more adventuring to do.
- Yeah, more that.
Scorpion pop? You can suck on this one.
Oh! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
I was hoping the cliff was the finale.
You can't keep danger away but why seek it out? Oh, I remember when Zack used to say stuff like that.
Yeah, way back this morning.
Hey, boy band, a little more wrist if you wanna rope that dummy.
- Way to go, danger zone.
- I work with rope a lot.
MELISSA: Uh, Milo, that's no dummy.
- Now, this is a rodeo.
- Everyone split up.
[ROARS.]
Whoa! [SNARLS.]
[SCOFFS.]
That was a close call.
- Although, I'm sure he's harmless.
- Nope, he's a killer.
But I assumed the shackles would hold him.
Well, you know what they say about assuming.
Makes a bull's lunch out of you and me.
- Next activity! - Yeah! I can't wait.
Looks like one dummy got roped for the whole afternoon.
[CAMERAS CLICKING.]
[MUSIC.]
Now, me in front of it.
- Now, me in front of it.
- Now, me in front of it.
Are you sure? I mean this could be any wall.
Josh, why can't you accept it? This is the actual wall.
Remember what the wall was like, there at the background, - out of focus.
- The wall.
Here's some of that serenity we were talking about.
- I thought you'd like it.
- That is so thoughtful of you.
Are those storm clouds gonna be a problem? - Maybe we shouldn't tempt fate.
- Well, you know what they say.
Tempting fate is like a rainbow.
It's too beautiful, knocks you upside down like a leprechaun.
No one has ever said that.
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
Let's try to get to shore before - it starts raining.
- [SCOFFS.]
No big.
Deal breaker! [SCREAMS.]
Steering wheel, piggy bank Look out, sharp boulder.
Whoo-hoo.
Hey, this is a blast! - No, this is not a blast! - Everyone, stay close.
- Jackie, the waterfall.
- Whoa! Whoa! Help! [SHATTERS.]
Hold on, I've got you [SCREAMING.]
- Thanks, Milo.
- Yeah, thanks.
Cool, time for target practice.
- Last one there is the target.
- Yeah, so that girl's crazy, right? - Welcome back.
- Thank goodness.
I guess I just wasn't seeing Jackie as she really is.
Well, to be fair, when she was first charging at us, with a bandit mask on, she seemed, uh, less insane? Nah, she was always crazy.
And though, some of you may have doubted me, Josh, my instincts never let me down.
I knew this was the very dirt where they shot Dr.
Zone.
Shot him? No, sir.
Dr.
Zone's our favorite old race horse.
We'd never shoot him.
Though he is getting long in the tooth.
[NEIGHS WEAKLY.]
- What? - A horse? Oh, but he said Dr.
Zone, I just assumed Wait, I thought this was "the dirt, " you mean, this is just dirt? Thanks for wasting our time, Sara.
Wait, wait! A racehorse named Dr.
Zone.
That's worth noting, right? [GROANS.]
Photo-op.
[SIGHS.]
Well, that was a delightful day.
Loaner clothes, after disaster ruined yours? Yep.
Stuff you broke and had to buy? Yep.
Thankfully at half price.
- Bye, boy band.
- Bye, cool ranch.
Stay safe.
Not likely.
Sara! [GASPS.]
Why do I keep forgetting about her? Well, I guess the shooting location of episode 576, remains an unsolved mystery.
Oh, no, they filmed that episode here.
Why do you think we named this horse Dr.
Zone? What?! Oh yeah I knew it I was right I said knew it I was right I knew it Oh, hey, oh, yeah, I knew it I knew it I was right [TITLE MUSIC.]
# We're all livin' in it # CHORUS: # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody.
That is so motivational! # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # # Whoa # # Whoa # # I'm not sitting here watching the world turn # You know I'd rather spin it # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # # It's my world and we're all livin' in it #
[FALCON SCREECHES.]
Here we are.
Okay, kids, remember, we're just a phone call away at the Outlet Mall.
We only have to pay half price when it breaks.
Thanks, Milo's mom and dad.
- Thanks, guys, have a good time.
- So long.
Oh, didn't realize we still had her.
Bye, Sara, be sure to look up from your phone once in a while.
Ah, the great outdoors.
The sky is blue, the fields are wide open The bargains are close by.
BRIGETTE: You kids have fun.
It's just so peaceful.
[WHISTLES.]
Welcome to the Nowhere Desert Dude Ranch.
Where you will experience [AIRPLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
The serenity of the wild frontier.
Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh! I think this is the undiscovered shooting location of episode 576 of Dr.
Zone.
See? Definitely a similar beaut shaped beaut.
- Am I pronouncing that correctly? - I can't wait to see what my fellow Dr.
Zone fans have to say about this.
Ah, Dr.
Zone fan.
You're gonna wanna check out that corral over there.
Awesome! Oh, I gotta document this.
I'll find you later.
- Use helmets.
- Got 'em.
Oh, I mean on the horses.
- Do they even make helmets for - Got 'em.
COWBOY: Those are our three best horses.
Princess, Buttercup and Psycho.
[NIEGHING.]
Whoa, boy! Any chance of us getting a calmer horse? Well, Psycho there is usually our calmest horse.
That's why we named him Psycho, for the irony.
We crack ourselves up.
Not that I don't enjoy danger, which I don't, but, do they have other stuff to do here? Like other stuff that we might not necessarily get injured doing.
- Archery, white water rafting - No, no - zip lining, cattle roping - No, no - straws making - Oh, that sounds fun.
- On an open bonfire.
- Okay Maybe there's a hayride? It goes around the open bonfire.
- All right, horseback riding, it is.
- I'm ready! [NEIGHING.]
Whoa, boy! What's that up ahead? [MUSIC.]
You know, every time a masked bandit comes furiously charging towards me I'd like to take a deep Whoa! [NEIGHS.]
Whoa, whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa - Look out! - Stop, stop, stop.
[SCREAMING.]
[YELLS.]
It's a good thing I had the lacrosse stick.
What is a masked bandit even doing on a dude ranch? Well, he can't get away with that at the Outlet Mall.
[NEIGHING.]
[ANGELIC MUSIC.]
[HEART BEATING RAPIDLY.]
Hey, I'm Jackie.
I pull that with all our guests.
Did I get your hearts racing? - Yes, indeed.
- Sure did.
- [CHUCKLES.]
A little.
- That's how I like it.
After all, I am the great-great- great-great-granddaughter - of Calamity Jane.
- Really? I am the great-great- great- great-grandson of the original Murphy.
- Of Murphy's Law.
- Never heard of it.
- Really? - Yeah.
I make a point of not knowing any laws.
Well, it just means that, anything that can go wrong, - will go wrong.
Around me.
- Awesome.
Do you guys want my version of the tour? [CHUCKLES.]
I don't know.
The two of us together? Yeah, we already hit our danger quota, right, Zack? I wasn't saying that.
Why would I say that? I love danger.
Danger is in my blood.
It's my fuel.
Danger is my middle name.
Well, it's Milo's middle name.
But it could be my middle name, I could change it.
[CHUCKLING.]
I'm afraid we've lost him.
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think this is the exact pasture they used.
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
Oh, that is the exact hay! Oh, those are the exact cows! [SARA MOOING.]
[COWS MOOING.]
Yep, yep, hey, I know you guys.
Say, "Cheese.
" Or, maybe that's rude to say to a cow.
BOY: Yeah, they look like the same cows.
We saw your post, we came right away.
Of course, as the official moderators of the Dr.
Zone fan site, we will have to verify the authenticity before we post anything.
Hey, guys! Wait, I thought I thought we were dressing up.
[FALCON SCREECHES.]
So, what school do you go to? What grade are you in? I've gone to a lot of different schools, so Well, I was being home schooled, but I got kicked out.
- Rattle snake? - Oh, sure.
Don't suck on it.
There's still venom in those fangs.
Oh, good thing you said something [IMITATES MUNCHING.]
- I don't know if we should go up here.
- Why not? Because all these signs say don't go up here.
Rock slide possible.
Well, Zack doesn't seem worried.
And he's the cautious one.
Oh, don't worry about the signs.
They just say possible.
How often does the worst thing that can happen, actually happen? Yeah, we'll be fine.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
ZACK: Oh, no! Out on the branch.
[SCREAMING.]
[EXCLAIMS.]
I can't believe the rock slide actually happened! - My beaut believes it.
- What a rush! So, back to camp for s'mores? - No, we got more adventuring to do.
- Yeah, more that.
Scorpion pop? You can suck on this one.
Oh! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
I was hoping the cliff was the finale.
You can't keep danger away but why seek it out? Oh, I remember when Zack used to say stuff like that.
Yeah, way back this morning.
Hey, boy band, a little more wrist if you wanna rope that dummy.
- Way to go, danger zone.
- I work with rope a lot.
MELISSA: Uh, Milo, that's no dummy.
- Now, this is a rodeo.
- Everyone split up.
[ROARS.]
Whoa! [SNARLS.]
[SCOFFS.]
That was a close call.
- Although, I'm sure he's harmless.
- Nope, he's a killer.
But I assumed the shackles would hold him.
Well, you know what they say about assuming.
Makes a bull's lunch out of you and me.
- Next activity! - Yeah! I can't wait.
Looks like one dummy got roped for the whole afternoon.
[CAMERAS CLICKING.]
[MUSIC.]
Now, me in front of it.
- Now, me in front of it.
- Now, me in front of it.
Are you sure? I mean this could be any wall.
Josh, why can't you accept it? This is the actual wall.
Remember what the wall was like, there at the background, - out of focus.
- The wall.
Here's some of that serenity we were talking about.
- I thought you'd like it.
- That is so thoughtful of you.
Are those storm clouds gonna be a problem? - Maybe we shouldn't tempt fate.
- Well, you know what they say.
Tempting fate is like a rainbow.
It's too beautiful, knocks you upside down like a leprechaun.
No one has ever said that.
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
Let's try to get to shore before - it starts raining.
- [SCOFFS.]
No big.
Deal breaker! [SCREAMS.]
Steering wheel, piggy bank Look out, sharp boulder.
Whoo-hoo.
Hey, this is a blast! - No, this is not a blast! - Everyone, stay close.
- Jackie, the waterfall.
- Whoa! Whoa! Help! [SHATTERS.]
Hold on, I've got you [SCREAMING.]
- Thanks, Milo.
- Yeah, thanks.
Cool, time for target practice.
- Last one there is the target.
- Yeah, so that girl's crazy, right? - Welcome back.
- Thank goodness.
I guess I just wasn't seeing Jackie as she really is.
Well, to be fair, when she was first charging at us, with a bandit mask on, she seemed, uh, less insane? Nah, she was always crazy.
And though, some of you may have doubted me, Josh, my instincts never let me down.
I knew this was the very dirt where they shot Dr.
Zone.
Shot him? No, sir.
Dr.
Zone's our favorite old race horse.
We'd never shoot him.
Though he is getting long in the tooth.
[NEIGHS WEAKLY.]
- What? - A horse? Oh, but he said Dr.
Zone, I just assumed Wait, I thought this was "the dirt, " you mean, this is just dirt? Thanks for wasting our time, Sara.
Wait, wait! A racehorse named Dr.
Zone.
That's worth noting, right? [GROANS.]
Photo-op.
[SIGHS.]
Well, that was a delightful day.
Loaner clothes, after disaster ruined yours? Yep.
Stuff you broke and had to buy? Yep.
Thankfully at half price.
- Bye, boy band.
- Bye, cool ranch.
Stay safe.
Not likely.
Sara! [GASPS.]
Why do I keep forgetting about her? Well, I guess the shooting location of episode 576, remains an unsolved mystery.
Oh, no, they filmed that episode here.
Why do you think we named this horse Dr.
Zone? What?! Oh yeah I knew it I was right I said knew it I was right I knew it Oh, hey, oh, yeah, I knew it I knew it I was right [TITLE MUSIC.]
# We're all livin' in it # CHORUS: # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody.
That is so motivational! # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # # Whoa # # Whoa # # I'm not sitting here watching the world turn # You know I'd rather spin it # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # # It's my world and we're all livin' in it #