Miracle Workers (2019) s01e03 Episode Script

12 Days

1 I've decided to blow up Earth.
If I answer one of these "Impossible" prayers, you spare Earth.
It's a bet.
All we have to do is get these two people to kiss.
- Sam? - Laura? - Can I maybe get your number? - Do you want to hang out sometime? Yes.
- Yes! - Yes! - Oh.
- So sorry.
Who's this guy? I ran in here to get out of the rain.
Once we started talking, the rain stopped.
Maybe it's a sign.
You know, one of my goals in life is to find, like, my own type of berry.
Like a new special type of berry.
- What the hell is happening? - We have to stop this.
Oh, it's fine.
It's fine.
This is a brief conversation with a stranger.
Any second now, she'll leave for work.
I guess I should leave for work.
You know, you could leave.
For work.
The endless routine.
Or Or what? We take our bikes.
We ride.
And just for today, we grab life by the tail and live like this is it.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no! Dope.
Do you mind if I What is this? This feeling between us? I-Is this real? What is this? I don't know.
I want to keep finding out.
No! He must have had it taken out already.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- He's unstoppable.
- Okay, we gotta ruin this date.
- Rain them out! - On it.
Rain sequence initiated.
I guess we should leave.
- Ha ha! - Wait.
Oh, shit.
We made him hotter.
You have opened me.
You've made me new again.
And, with your permission, I'd like for you to kiss me.
What the I'll get more coffees.
I'm so wet.
Let's see what we're up against.
His personal website describes him as a conceptual artist and an ambassador for truth.
What? He makes these.
We're more connected than ever but are we? When's the last time that you really connected? And not through your screen.
But through your soul.
Imagine a world where tweets were for birds, the Web for a spider.
Where we unplugged from our phones and plugged into each other.
What if it's here? What if it's now? The String Theory.
Join the revolution at stringtheoryrevolutionwakeup.
This is great.
Laura will lose interest the moment she sees this bullshit.
Right, she's already seen it.
Several times.
I figured it out.
She's watching it on mute.
She's just attracted to him.
What about Sam? Has he made any progress? This morning, he tried to text Laura "hello" 16 times, but he couldn't work up the nerve to press "send.
" And since then, he has been attempting to put a fitted sheet onto his mattress.
I mean, to be fair, those can be tricky.
Okay, Sam doesn't have a chance unless we ice this guy.
I-I have never "iced" anyone before.
I'm not sure.
It sounds complicated.
Craig, you've been working here forever.
No one knows this stuff like you do.
- You can totally handle this.
- You really think so? Yeah, man.
You're the best.
They say I'm the best.
The greatest talent to ever work in this department.
And they're right.
Hi, Craig.
Hey, Sanjay.
What are you doing here? Oh, they're just doing a little profile on me for "Gamechangers.
" "Gamechangers.
" Profiling the greatest executives in the universe.
Broadcasting weekly to over 500 trillion viewers.
A really important show.
- Never heard of it.
- I just, uh, wanted to show them where I got my start.
I can't believe that guy used to work here.
- Yeah.
- Was he any good? I mean, he was fine.
All his miracles were pretty forgettable.
This week's game changer is the mastermind behind planet Earth's most popular miracles Captain Sully, the 2000 NBA Slam Dunk Contest, and, of course, the Octomom.
That woman was in danger.
It's better to be cautious than to be a showboating hack.
I don't know.
Seems pretty talented.
He's all style, no substance, okay? Trust me.
What? - Safety's on.
- Oh! Yes! I was checking the safety, Sanjay! Shall we go back to work? And then, of course, there's Apollo 13.
Fun fact 13 is actually my favorite number, so I was like, "I'm definitely doing that one.
" Sanjay, you've told us at some length about your past achievements, but I'd love to know what your current job entails.
Well, as executive archangel, I work directly with God, our C.
What's that like? Every day is an intense intellectual challenge.
Speaking of which, duty calls.
So, what's wrong with the microwave? I'll tell you what's wrong.
Nobody told me that, in order to work it, you have to have a science degree.
What? Okay.
All right, just pull it out when you hear the ding.
- Easy peasy.
- Great.
- Love you, buddy.
- Okay.
Love you.
The adventure begins.
Okay, so, I've got 15 ways we can kill this Mason guy.
One, we drop an anvil on his head.
Two, I found this grand-piano factory on the ninth floor I worry that murdering Mason might traumatize Laura.
Their relationship seems to be getting serious.
They just met yesterday.
How serious can it be? Well You are my soul.
You're the purpose of my heart.
But there's something you must know.
What? The string revolution is going global.
Tonight, I fly to China.
I'm going to tie a string to the iPhone manufacturing plant in Zhengzhou and connect it to the Songyue Pagoda on the summit of the sacred Mount Song.
It's about six weeks of walking, at least.
He's leaving.
I guess I'll see you when you're back? Guess again.
What if it's now? Take this leap.
Be my muse.
Come to China.
Okay? - Okay! - Okay, okay.
- Okay! Yeah, okay! - Okay! Okay.
Maybe it's time to bring in reinforcements.
Well, what do you mean? What? No! No, absolutely not! We do not need him! I can handle this! - Safety.
- Yes! Safety is on.
People say, "Sanjay, you're a loose cannon.
" I'm a maverick.
A trailblazer.
- Here.
- B-R-B.
Sanjay, is there any way that we could tag along? We could really use some footage of you in action.
Oh, no.
This is top-level stuff.
"Need to know" only.
So, what happened to the pot pie? Buddy, let me tell you, these pot pies, they aren't exactly what you would call "user-friendly.
" I mean, it started out fine.
I heard the ding, popped open the door.
There's my pie.
I figure at this point, I'm in the clear.
So I reach into the microwave, grab the pie.
And right away, I knew something was wrong.
Because this thing is hot! I'm talking, like, whoa! I mean, now I'm running around, and this thing is burning my hands.
And And I'm shouting, "Rosie, Rosie, get in here," 'cause, you know, I thought she might know what to do.
So she comes in.
She's no help.
She starts screaming, "Well, drop it! Drop it! Why are you still holding it?! Drop it!" And I'm like, "Drop it? Are you crazy?" That's my lunch.
Well, anyway, the point is, these paws are outta commish.
So I'm gonna need you to make me a new pot pie and then feed it to me one bite at a time, like I'm a little baby.
You could have another pot pie.
Or you could try these cold-pressed juices.
- Juice for lunch? - Uh-huh.
That is a wild idea, man.
All right.
Thanks, buddy! - Love you.
- Okay.
Laura can't kiss Sam if she's on a six-week trip to China.
We need to bring in Sanjay.
No, we don't, because I have just handled it.
What? Yeah.
The trip is off.
In international news, China's Zhengzhou Airport, celebrated for its architectural beauty and pristine runways, has been destroyed in a flood that scientists say should have been impossible.
I worry this newsroom will experience a flood of its own tonight.
I'm referring, of course, to a flood of my own tears.
Whoa! Great job.
"All flights canceled indefinitely.
" Oh.
That's too bad.
I was really looking forward to going with you.
And I, with you.
But unfortunately, for now, the String Theory must remain a string hypothesis.
- Nice.
- Yes.
Problem solved.
Sanjay, we just need one shot of you doing something, anything, related to your work.
I'll be right back.
What's wrong? You You didn't like the juices? No, I-I loved the juices.
But, buddy, they sure rocked my tum-tum good.
You know that scene in "Titanic" when all the people are trying to get out and there's just one tiny little gate just holding them all back? That gate is about to go, and I'm going to need all hands on deck.
Oh, no.
I know you're not looking forward to this experience, and, well, neither am I.
But believe it or not, there's a there's a lesson here.
That lesson is Oh.
Oh, buddy, we gotta get in there.
Wait, what about the lesson? Oh, there's no time for that.
The train is leaving the station, and, baby, it's an express.
I love you, buddy! Okay, yes, yes, yes.
It looks like Mason is leaving Laura's apartment.
What's wrong? I'm just trying to figure out where I'm going to stay.
What do you mean? In anticipation for my trip to Zhengzhou, I gave up my apartment and put all my earthly possessions in storage.
So now I'm a man without a home.
I'm a homeless man.
Well, I guess you could stay here for a little bit.
Laura, oh, God! Thank you! Wow, thank you.
This is crazy.
If the trip to China hadn't been ruined, you would have never asked me to move in.
Feels like divine intervention.
Thank you.
I'm getting Sanjay.
What? No! No, no, no, no! We We can think of something else a breeze or something involving a a Yeah, a breeze! Sorry, guys.
Just had some executive, you know, work.
Slow down, please.
Eliza, how can I convince you that this is not a good idea? - Hey! - So sorry.
Let's just print this snowflake twice.
Two can be the same.
Who's gonna notice, Todd? Sanjay, we need some footage that we can use.
This is "Gamechangers.
" We have to see you changing the game.
Go ahead.
Ask him.
Oh, hang on.
Why do I have to ask him? You know him better.
Come on.
Hi, uh, Sanjay.
Uh, could you help us with something? Hey, Craig! Oh.
This happens constantly.
A lower-level employee has, uh, some problem that's beyond his skill set, so he comes to me.
Um, like a student to a teacher, or a child to a man.
So, what do you need, Craig? Your help with something.
Would you say you need to me to change your game? Yeah.
Yes, Sanjay, please.
Please change my game.
We had a little sound issue.
Craig, could you say that again, much louder? Yeah, Sanjay, please change my game.
Sure thing, little buddy.
I think we got it.
Thank you so much for bailing us out, Sanjay.
Can you come right now? Uh, sure.
I don't see why not.
Sanjay, he says, "Another train is leaving the station, and, baby, it's a bullet train.
The midnight Tokyo to Osaka express.
" "The conductor's hopped up on greenies, and his pedal's to the metal.
- He's got a need for speed.
- Oh.
The train is literally shooting out of the tunnel right now.
Oh, mama.
Please come immediately.
" I'll be down in five.
Can't tell if we're through this or just in the eye of the storm.
It was the eye.
It was the eye.
Sanjay! Sanjay, wait! Great job, dude.
You got rid of the one guy we needed.
Sanjay, call Al Roker.
This storm's gonna need a name.
- Hey, Sanjay.
- Hi, Craig.
Uh, good one.
You You got me.
That was I loved it.
I I-I am really sorry that I just did that.
Why? No, you showed everyone the truth.
Yeah, I'm pathetic.
I don't do anything.
Well, maybe not up here.
But come on.
Down in Prayers, you were the best.
Everyone thinks so.
Not you.
No, you think I'm a showboating hack.
No, you said it.
I heard you.
You said "showboating hack.
" Yes, because I was jealous.
And you might be a showboat, but you are definitely not a hack.
And we really, really need you.
Will you still help us? Do my eyes look puffy? Uh, no.
No, not at all.
Be honest.
No, no, you look great.
- Doesn't he look great? - He looks great.
You look great.
Yeah, I'll help you.
All right.
Give me something on this guy.
What does he do for a living? He's a professional thought leader and brand disrupter.
Those aren't real jobs.
He must be rich.
What do his parents do? Oh! Holy shit! His dad owns Royal Britannia Oil.
Time to change the game.
I've rerouted the oil tanker.
Crash it into that deep-sea drill and light it up.
I can't get any closer.
We're gonna lose our window! Uh I'll send a tidal wave.
No, that'll capsize it! What about, uh, just a a breeze? - Great idea.
- Yes.
Yeah? Okay.
Let's see what we have.
Thank you.
Breeze sequence initiated.
- Hey, hey! - The world weeps today in the wake of a massive oil spill just one mile from the cherished Galápagos Islands.
The images of sea turtles caked in oil, gasping for air, will not soon leave my nightmares.
Meanwhile, the company at fault Royal Britannia Oil is in financial free fall as their stock price plummets.
Okay! So, we have caused a gigantic oil spill, and Mason's dad's company's is ruined.
Now what? You'll see.
I mean, not to be rude, but I'll probably make a lot - of changes around the house.
- Hey, sir.
I'm sorry, but your your card was declined.
Okay, what? - Oh.
- Oh, boy.
Daddy, what the "F"?! Why did you cancel my credit card?! Oh, co Oil spill? Oh, oil spill.
So what, bitch? Look, look, look, look.
I need $7,000 right now! Dad, please.
I said "pl "I said "please"! This is my allowance.
Yes! - Yes! Ooh, what a meltdown! - Yes! I almost feel bad for him.
You know, uh, sometimes a little humility can be good for someone.
Maybe he'll learn something.
Or maybe not.
Put Mom on, you bitch! I mean, it comes off one It's on one side, and then it comes off the other side.
Those can be tricky.
Okay, let's just try it again, but be a little bit more methodical this time.
Uh, Nana, I-I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna have to call you back, okay? - Okay.
- Love you.
Love you.
- Yes.
Mm! - Yes! Back on track! Thanks again for your help, Sanjay.
It is too bad you can't stick around.
- Maybe I will.
- What? It feels so good to actually do something for a change.
This is where I belong.
- Awesome! - Doesn't God need you for Unh-unh.
We got a lot of work ahead of us.
Oh, maybe we should make some coffee.
Mm, good call.
Craig, would you mind making us some coffee? Oh.
Uh of course.
Uh, I'll be right back.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Oh, he's sending a meme.
- Don't, Sam.
- Don't! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Cancel, cancel.
Sometimes life doesn't always go your way.
Some things you can't control.
So control what you can.
Dance your dance, sing your song, and cherish the small things.
Because this moment it's already passed.
But here's another one.
And another one.
So seize it.
Live it.
'Cause what if it really is now? The String Theory.
Someone gets it.
Sanjay! You gotta see this! Sanjay? Rosie? Someone gets it!