Miracle Workers (2019) s04e04 Episode Script

The Grouping Ceremony

Thanks for giving up your
weekend to straighten out the books.
It's big of you to step up like that.
Yeah, sure.
By the way, I am
I am getting paid overtime
for this, right?
Oh, Sid, you always know
how to put a smile on my face.
No, I'm being serious.
Otherwise, this would be
a major labor violation.
Oh, Sid, you're too much!
My sides are hurting
from laughing too hard.
Oh, sorry about that.
I've got my son for the week.
I didn't even know you had a son.
Yeah. Timmy!
Ow! Quit hitting myself!
Ow! I'm not hitting myself. I am.
Oh, so Timmy is, um, how do I say this?
A radioactive freak? Yes.
He's from my first marriage.
You could say it was
a "toxic" relationship.
But seriously, it was
an abusive dynamic.
The psychic wounds
from which I'm still recovering.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Now, Timmy, Sid and I are working.
Your pops happens to be
a pretty important business man.
Well, I think you're a phony,
and I hate you.
Yeah! Suck deez nuts, old man!
It's just a game we play.
No, I will not "suck deez nuts", son.
We have fun.
Good morning, Mr. Rubinstein.
The wreckage from this week's
death race has come in.
Do you want me to start off
by washing off the brains
or picking out the little bits of
bones from underneath the seats?
Either is fine.
What's wrong?
I'm worried about Timmy.
It's his Grouping Ceremony next week.
When you get placed
in one of the five groups
Strong, Heroic, Kind,
Wise, or Malicious.
Wait, those are the only
five groups a person can be in?
What if you're something else,
like funny or well-organized?
Nope, just the five.
I'm sorry, did you say one of
the groups was called Malicious?
Like evil?
That seems like something you
wouldn't want to actively encourage.
Enough with the questions.
You probably don't get it
because you're an animal-person
from the Wasteland.
Oh, yeah, good point.
I always dreamed that Timmy
would get into Strong, like his old man.
You wouldn't know it now, but, uh,
I was quite the beefcake in my day.
Wow. That is a disturbing image.
Oh, I was ripping phone books in half,
grabbing nerds by the ankle,
and swinging them into outer space.
I don't know if Timmy
has the right stuff.
Well, hope it all works out
for the best.
Um, have you seen my junkyard keys?
Ah, there they are.
Say, you're a strong guy.
Think you could tutor Timmy?
Maybe give him a pointer or two?
I mean, suppose I could, but, I mean,
this work is gonna take me all day.
No, that's fine.
You can just get them both done
in the same amount of time.
Yeah, great. Why didn't I think of that?
You're not a dog, you're a man ♪
You've been brainwashed
by your captors ♪
You should kill them
and return to your old life ♪
Man, where have I heard
that song before?
It's been stuck in my head for years.
Oh, hi.
I need coffee.
Looks like someone had a big night.
Tai and I went to one of those
heavy metal concerts
in the middle of the Wasteland.
I think at one point,
I may have gotten up on stage
and battled a flame-throwing guitarist?
Am I, like, melted anywhere?
Well, not to brag,
but Sid and I had
a pretty wild night ourselves.
We cooked a sensible dinner,
than played some cards by the fire.
But let's just say we didn't
get much playing done,
because we were asleep by 9:00, baby!
Ugh. That is so lame.
If you ever see me staying in
on a weekend,
do me a favor and kill me.
- Aah!
- What?
- Wait, what's wrong?
- [ Groans ] I don't know.
Ah, it feels like my skull
is being ripped apart!
Go get help, boy!
Yeah, no, I'm I'm on it.
I just need need to finish
my breakfast first.
Oh, man, that's good.
"In the Wasteland, you happen
upon a gang of marauders
robbing an innocent man.
Do you A risk life and
limb to save the innocent man?
B befriend the marauders?
C bash the marauders
with your huge muscles?
Or D kill everyone,
innocent man included,
and dance in their blood?"
Well, I guess we know
which one Malicious is.
This is a waste of time.
I'm never getting into Strong.
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Don't say that, even if
that instinct is likely correct.
Let's just We'll tally up your score,
and we'll see where we are.
Oh, my God.
Timmy is heroic.
He chose the Heroic response
to every single question.
My son is Heroic?
That's terrible news!
What? That's not the reaction
I was expecting.
Well, what's he gonna do as a hero?
Help a little old lady
across the street?
Stop a terrorist attack?
Where's the money in that?
Uh, okay, I mean,
if you're looking at it
from a strictly money-making angle
No, it has to be Strong.
It was best for me,
and it's best for Timmy.
Look, I hear you,
but what do you want to do?
I mean, Timmy just doesn't have
the qualifications.
Maybe not in the traditional sense,
but old Morris has his ways.
You mean cheating?
Bingo, baby.
Oh, that's the stuff, baby!
Ooh! Who's my next victim
I mean, patient, patient.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Thanks for seeing me
on such short notice,
Dr. Crazybrainz.
I heard you were the best
doctor in Boomtown.
Actually, I'm the only
doctor in Boomtown.
Because all the other doctors
were my patients.
I can't tell if you're kidding or not.
Let's take a little looksy-loo
under the hoodsy-hoo, shall we?
- Ow.
- Instruments, instruments.
Whoo! All right, cranial sac
looks healthy.
And a nice squishy spleen.
What do you think it could be, doc?
Some kind of deadly super-virus?
Highly advanced nanobots?
God, I hope it's not a zombie infection.
I'm too young to eat brains!
You have a hangover.
What? That's it?
Yeah, just a regular,
run-of-the-mill hangover.
You probably hit it
a little hard last night, right?
No, no, no, no, no.
That can't be right.
I do not get hangovers.
Well, at your age, it's pretty
normal to start getting them.
I recommend eight hours of sleep
and plenty of liquids.
And that'll cure me?
No, you'll be some combination of tired
and sore for the rest of your life.
This will make you feel
slightly less bad.
Sorry, one second.
I'll leave you to it.
- Hey, Tai.
- Hey!
Last night was epic, huh?
Oh, I went home with
this super hot droid,
but then this morning
I woke up and realized
he was just a normal trash can.
The sex was still amazing, though.
So what are you doing tonight?
I don't know. I was, um
I was thinking maybe I would
just take a night off.
No, no, no! You can't tonight.
The Sunpiercer's in town.
It's that high-speed
bullet train carrying
an entire society on an endless
loop around the Earth.
It is supposed to be lit!
Damn, that sounds really fun.
You know what? Screw it.
I'm in.
Wait, you can't leave now.
You need to rest.
Thanks for the advice, doc,
but you forgot
one thing about
I'm not a freakin' loser.
Later, Doctor Dork.
Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?
Oh, well, time to drill a hole
in my brain.
Excuse me? We're look for
The Administrator.
- I'm
- Morris Rubinstein.
I've been expecting you.
Wow, how how did you know that?
Hm. Well, much like this bonsai tree,
we've perfected the technology
that sculpts human behavior
what you might call "fate".
Yeah, something tells me this
woman is not gonna help you cheat.
Shh, will you let me do my thing?
Everyone has their price.
Uh, so, listen, my son, Timmy,
really wants to get into Strong,
but doesn't really have the grades.
Think you could help him out for,
oh, I don't know 1,000 bird beaks?
Mr. Rubinstein,
if you're asking me to cheat,
the answer is no.
The Grouping Ceremony must
remain pure for the proper functioning
of our society.
Would you do it for 2,000?
Mr. Rubinstein,
you are embarrassing yourself.
Yes, I agree.
Um, thank you so much,
Ms. Administrator.
Sorry for wasting your time.
You have a lovely office, by the
way, very sterile and cold.
Come on, she said no, Morris.
Did you say 10 G's?
All yours if you can get
Timmy into Strong.
Wow, it worked.
You know what, I am just gonna
stop asking questions
at this point and sort of go with it.
All right, let's go over
this plan one more time.
Oh, did a child make this?
No, I did, and it took me all night.
All right, now,
Timmy's test is tomorrow,
but Timmy won't be there.
You will, passing with flying colors.
Wait, I'm gonna be Timmy?
Am I not missing an extra head?
Three steps ahead of you.
I'll be there with you
in an oversized sweater, baby!
Meanwhile, Timmy will take
a fake exam with a fake proctor.
All we have to do is find
someone Timmy won't recognize.
Someone with smarts,
a real professor type.
Who farted?
False alarm.
I think we found our guy.
Did we?
So, the Sunpiercer is divided
by socioeconomic class,
so I say we pregame here in Poorville
where the drinks are super cheap,
then make our way over to first class
where you can teabag an oil tycoon.
Wow, sounds like a long night.
When did you say this party ends?
The Sunpiercer runs on
a perpetual-motion engine
that never stops, baby!
Just like us, right?
Whew. I'm gonna need a pick-me-up.
Yo, yo, yo, what's up, party people?
What's on the menu tonight?
We talkin' Zappers? Freeze? Sludge?
Oh, sorry, we we don't do drugs.
Yeah right. Look at you.
You're all hyped up and tweaking.
That's because we're young
and full of natural energy!
Oh. Cool, cool. Me too.
Hey, guys! Let's eat a full
pizza after this.
We can do that because
we have great metabolisms!
Timmy Rubinstein.
I told you we should have practiced.
And I told you practicing would ruin
the electricity of the moment.
- Timmy Rubinstein.
- Timmy Rubin oh, right.
Sid, sorry, you say it.
Thank you, Timmy.
Have a seat now, please.
Thank you.
She bought it.
She's in on it!
Hey, enough with the talking.
Eyes up here.
Class is in session.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
My name is Professor Scraps.
How do you spell "Pruh"?
"How big are your muscles?"
Sid, hey.
I think this little girl is on to us.
Why do you think that?
She's not even looking at us.
Yeah, because she knows.
I'm cracking under the pressure, man.
I got to get out of here!
Wait, no.
Just calm down, okay?
You literally have to sit here
and do nothing for this plan to work.
Oh, I picked a bad day
to stop wearing underwear.
Why are you not wearing underwear?
Because we're supposed to be one person.
If somebody saw two pair of underwear,
then the whole plan is blown wide open.
- Frey-Frey!
- Ah!
I'm not asleep, you are.
I'm getting kind of tired.
There's not much going on
in this middle-class section
of the train.
It's just kind of normal.
Oh. I mean, well,
I could keep partying forever.
But, I mean, if you're tired,
I suppose we could leave.
Oh, no, we don't have to go.
I just have to switch out my battery.
Whoo-hoo! Back to 100%.
Oh, are you freakin' kidding me?
Choo-choo, bitch!
It's just hard to weigh
the pros and cons.
And private school
can just be so expensive,
but I really liked the way it looked.
And the teachers were
quite nice and experienced.
Alfred Ronschtadt, you are Malicious.
Why are we allowing this to happen?
They're all just standing there.
We could arrest them right now.
Will you shut up? Timmy's up next.
Oh, this is it.
Nothing we can do now
but expect the outcome
we predetermined through bribery.
Timmy Rubinstein.
You are Strong.
- I am?
- I am?
Yes! He did it!
And you tried to stop me. In your face!
Are you joking? I helped you.
Yeah, but you were reluctant.
Now that Strong is complete,
they'll begin their
strength training immediately
by breaking rocks
in the hard labor camp.
Uh, Sid, I hope we didn't
make a huge mistake.
Ah, it's good to be back in Strong.
Ooh, I like what I'm seeing.
Keep it up.
All right, nice and tight.
Hey, up high. Too slow.
Bongo, bongo, bongo!
Anyone seen Timmy?
Down here.
What are you doing under there?
I got stuck under this rock.
I've been here all day.
Aw, you just need time to adjust.
Can't expect to grow freakishly
huge muscles overnight.
Are you making friends at least?
Sort of.
A few of the guys woke me up
in the middle of the night
and threw me through a brick wall.
That sounds less friendly
and more like a hostile attack.
But you're happy here, right?
I mean, this is what's best for you?
Sure, I'm happy.
Because you're finally proud of me.
Timmy, I'm always proud of you.
I mean, sure, maybe
I don't always show it.
And, sure, there's plenty of times
when I don't feel proud of you,
but, well, I guess that's
sort of the end of the thought.
Aw, geez.
Come with me.
But I have to finish my rocks.
Oh, that's okay.
I'm sure these beefcakes
can handle a few extra.
Hey, one for the road.
Hey, I made it to my own bed
with zero repercussions.
Guess I'm not too old
to party after all.
Into your arms, we commend
Freya's spirit, oh, Lord.
Uh, what's going on?
Hey, yeah.
You fully died last night.
What? Really? That's embarrassing.
She's lives! It's a miracle.
Yo, hey, I'm kind of in the middle
of a conversation right now, so.
Did you witness the afterlife?
Please, you must bestow
your knowledge upon us.
Fine, yeah, I went to hell,
and it's exactly like everyone thinks.
Everything's on fire, and the Devil
stuck a pitchfork in my ass.
Now will you please shut up?
Anyways, I'm glad you're feeling better
because there is this
awesome clone party tonight.
That's where you get cloned
so you can have sex with yourself.
It's so cool because afterwards,
they kill one of you,
and you don't know if
you're the clone or the original.
I mean, that does sound fun.
But I think I need a night off.
So, what, you're just gonna abandon me?
It's not like I want to.
I just I'm too old
to keep partying like this.
Okay, fine, then go home and be a loser.
I'm gonna go 69 myself.
Tai, wait!
Please, tell us more
from the Great Beyond.
Will you give it a rest?
You're, like, obsessed.
I'd like to place an order
for more black pants, please.
That's right, I wear them every day.
Sorry, I need to call you back.
What the hell are you doing here?
Yeah, what are we doing here, Dad?
I brought you here because I got to
come clean about something.
Now, now, let's not go saying
something we might regret.
The truth is I cheated
to get you into Strong.
- Timmy 1: You did?
- Why?
I thought I was doing
what was best for you.
But really, I was just trying
to make you more like me.
It was wrong of me to do it.
I'm proud of the person that you are.
What a touching moment
between father and son.
Too bad no one's
gonna find out about it.
Whoa, take it easy!
I'm not going to let you destroy
everything I've worked for.
I've determined your house,
Mr. Rubinstein.
You're in
Timmy! That was so
And this time, I don't mean
it as an insult.
Thank you, Dad.
Another weird, long day.
- Hey, Sid.
- Aah! Intruder!
Sid, it's just me.
Sorry, I thought you'd
be out with Tai still.
It destroys my soul to say this,
but I think I need a night in.
Well, in that case,
allow me to introduce you
to Sid's Evening Ritual
for Rest and Relaxation.
You have a name for it? That's so lame.
Okay, first off, we have
a strict no-shoes policy.
Next, we'll get some pillows going.
- And a nice blanket.
- Mm.
And then we will crack
into this jigsaw puzzle.
Aww, kitty!
I mean, yeah,
I guess that could be cool.
Oh, and a pro-tip?
Let's brush our teeth now,
so we can go to bed
as soon as we're sleepy.
Okay, now that's freakin' rules.
I would love to relax,
but I got to finish
grading these papers.
Oh, no, Scraps,
y-y-you don't have to
pretend to be a teacher anymore.
Who's Scraps?
It's Professor Scraps.
It's a hard job,
and lord knows the pay ain't great.
But at the end of the day,
I love my students.
Don't ask.
It's too stupid.
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