Miracle Workers (2019) s04e06 Episode Script


So when did the infestation start?
A few weeks ago.
We can hear them
skittering behind the walls.
It's making our war dog crazy.
Damn you!
Why must you torment me
with these mind games?!
Oh, yeah, I see one of them now.
What is it?
- You got feral children.
- Oh, ugh.
- We get this a lot.
Orphans abandoned by society.
They grow into primitive warriors.
They like to sneak into
your home, eat your sweets,
play with your toys, that sorta thing.
Ugh, I mean, look at its
chubby cheeks and button nose.
It's disgusting.
Is there anything we can do?
Oh, yeah. Easy fix.
What I do is I take this flute,
I play it, it hypnotizes the children,
then I lead them out of town.
But I gotta warn you, it's expensive.
I don't know if it's worth it.
They're just kids after all.
Unless you are scared of things
that go bump in the night.
- There's one on your foot.
- What?
Okay, yeah, no. We can do it.
- We'll do the flute thing.
- Great.
I'll get to work, then.
Yeah, that's right, scram!
How are we going to pay all these bills?
400 bird beaks
for anti-radiation filters?
300 bird beaks to fix
our broken urine purifier?
Uh, the urine purifier is broken?
[SIGHS] This sucks!
Why does everything have to be so hard?
I feel like we're failing at life.
- Oh, hi, Mom.
- Mom?
You never told me you had a mom.
Oh, you and Dad want to visit?
You have a dad, too?! Tell them yes!
I am absolutely dying to meet them.
Um, now's not a great time.
- Our schedules are pretty packed.
- No, no, no.
Tell them we literally have zero plans.
It would be an honor to host you!
Okay, great.
- Yeah!
- When are they coming?
Right now.
Uh, Freya?
What exactly am I looking at here?
Oh, did I not mention that my family
is part of the ultra-wealthy .001%
and live in a utopian city in the sky?
No, I don't believe you did.
Hi, Mom.
Foofie? Can I call you that?
- No.
- Okay.
Oh, this damn ball pit.
It's busted again!
I paid a fortune for this piece of crap.
Oh, honey, you're so tense.
Would a massage help?
Thanks, Holly. Your hologram hands
are really hitting the spot.
Finally! The repairman's here.
Good morning!
Tai's Ball Pit and Sauna Repair
at your service.
I'm here for a Mr. Morris
"The Junkman" Rubinstein.
Oh, shit.
You're Sid and Freya's robot friend.
What are you doing here?
Well, unfortunately, my day job
traveling through time,
assassinating humans
doesn't afford me the lifestyle
I want/deserve,
so I do this as my side hustle.
Another good human job
stolen by a robot.
You non-people make me sick.
Well, this has been
a complete waste of time.
I hope you have a good rest
of your brief human lifespan.
Hey, where do you think you're going?
Now, you work for me now.
Unless you want me
to leave you a bad review.
Oh, you wouldn't dare.
I think I'll give your service one star.
Maybe one and a half
if I'm feeling generous.
No, no, no. You can't!
I It would completely
tank my algorithm!
I would be ruined!
I guess you should get started, then.
Shoes off?
You know it.
That's the last of it.
You guys sure packed a lot
for a weekend trip.
Foofie, we are finally
getting to meet the famous Sid.
Have you been hiding him from us?
I have. Like, really, yeah.
Stephen and Margaret have been
showing me family photos.
How did you never tell me you
were a Little Miss Death Games?
Mom, this is so embarrassing!
I only did the Death Games
because you said
it would be good
for my college applications.
Of course, it's always my fault.
Oh, new people! [LAUGHS]
- FREYA: Scraps, down.
- Down! No! Hey! [SHOUTING]
- No! No! Down, boy!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Go to your bed. Go to your bed.
- No. No.
Sorry, he's just really friendly.
So nice to meet you guys. Ugh!
Its got its wet all over me.
Would you take me up to the
main house so I can wash up?
Um, this is the main house.
I don't understand.
I thought this was a
little mudroom to remove the filth.
I can't sleep in a place
like this. I'm too delicate.
Oh, why don't the two of you
come stay with us for the weekend?
Yeah, we would love to.
Oh, well, I think what Sid
is trying to say is
- we're good, thanks.
- What do you mean?
You were literally saying
earlier we're failing at life
Oh, that? I was just being ironic.
Like, "Oh, we have no money,
and we live in a dump,
and our careers are going nowhere.
We're failing at life!"
But we're actually doing great.
Really, really, really, really great.
I'll go pack my bag.
Hey, this is probably
going to take a while,
so you don't have to loom
over me the whole time.
Oh, so you think I'd trust
a robot to roam free in my home?
Wouldn't want you stealing my batteries
or getting all handsy with my microwave.
Oh, uh, I think I found your problem.
There's something stuck in the drain.
Oh, what is it?
Almost looks like a toe bone
from a human skeleton.
That is so random.
How'd that get in there?
Here, let me see that.
HOLLY: Who is she, Morris?
Is it that skeleton slut
that you slept with
at your high school reunion?
Well, that's not a sentence
you hear every day.
You said it was a one-time thing.
It's not like that.
I I'm a serial killer.
Yeah, that's it.
That's a trophy from one of my kills.
I'm sick. I need help.
I am through with you, Morris.
I'm taking Timmy to my sister's.
You can't leave. I mean literally.
Your instructions say you have
to take care of my every need.
Well, you should have read
the fine print.
There's an exception
for lying pieces of shit!
- Ooh!
- She's dead to me, I swear.
Wow, Freya, this place has everything!
Clean water, flying cars.
And this strange invisible forcefield.
That's glass.
That's spectacular.
Hey, kids! Care to join me
for a round of Pegasus polo?
You have Pegasuses here? Ha! I'm in!
No, thanks. I'm just gonna do
my work and pretend
that I haven't fully given up on life.
You have fun, though.
Shall we, Stephen?
Oh, please. Call me Dad.
Okay, Dad. Let's go, Dad. [LAUGHS]
I love you, Dad.
Foofie, sweetheart!
I 3-D printed a grilled
cheese sandwich for you,
- your favorite.
- Mom!
I'm in the middle of working.
You can't just barge in like that.
Oh, is this your little lord-warring?
It's warlording. And I'll have you know,
I'm actually doing
really well for myself.
Well, at least you're having fun.
Oh, by the way, your father is hosting
one of his silly charity events later.
Do you mind cleaning up your toys?
They're not toys,
they're strategic miniatures.
You may put the grilled cheese
on top, thank you.
Whoa, baby.
Do you mind? That's my breakfast.
Oh, sorry. Y You must be
the family pet.
I I'm Scraps.
- What is your breed?
- My what?
For instance, I am a seventh-generation
Yorkshire toy eunuch.
I've been bred for my weak knees
and inability to breathe properly.
Oh, and that's a-a good thing?
Don't make me laugh.
Whereas you seem to have
all of your teeth
and no discernible diseases.
Let me guess you're a mutt.
Ugh, I'm so embarrassed. [CHUCKLES]
W-We can still hang out though, right?
"Hang out," like those testicles
you still presumably have?
Are they at least petite,
or more of
the "big dirty dangler" variety?
Big dirty danglers.
Well, I'm off to have
my weekly injections
so my butthole doesn't fall out.
Dang. Dude's a friggin' pimp.
You know who I feel bad for? Holly.
Good luck trying to find
another guy as rich and powerful
and as virile as I am.
Have I mentioned how virile I am?
Oh, yes. It's come up several
times in this conversation.
She's nuts, I tell you.
All my exes are wackos.
And we're sure it's definitely
not any issues on your end?
Oh, so now the robot is
an expert on how humans work?
Alright, forget I said anything.
Oh, no, no.
I-I really wanna know what you think.
This is gonna be good.
I think you have bad relationships
because you're afraid
of being vulnerable.
You hide behind your wealth and status,
but deep down, you're just
a scared, lonely child
if I had to guess, possibly due
to an emotionally unavailable mother.
Would you excuse me for a moment?
Goodbye cruel world.
[MUFFLED] Leave me alone! Let me drown.
It doesn't work like that.
You're clearly still breathing.
I can't do anything right!
I lost the one woman
who would put up with me
because I needed to feel like a big man.
But I'm just a sad, stupid loser
who's gonna die alone.
And now I'm crying in front of a robot!
How pathetic is that?
No, no, it's not pathetic.
You're being vulnerable.
It is
You don't really mean that.
Hey, I'm gonna throw something
out there, and
and this might seem completely crazy,
but can I paint you?
I think I'd like that.
The youths of today
face many challenges
nuclear winter,
roving gangs of bandits
but the greatest challenge of all
is a lack of classical music
But thanks to your generous donations,
we will be dropping thousands
of violins down upon Earth,
so these poor little lost souls
can stop crying over their dead moms
and start playing some Brahms.
Foofie! There you are.
I wanted to introduce you to my
dear friend Susan's nephew, Levi.
He's into warlording, just like you!
I'd love to grab a coffee sometime,
and chat about the biz.
Mom, I told you,
I don't need your help, okay?
I'm doing really well.
I'm not some newbie.
Oh, I'm not a newbie.
I actually just got back
from sacking the Great Golden City.
Uh, wait, you sacked
the Great Golden City?
Yeah, they chant my name,
build monuments in my honor.
It's pretty hype.
How about you?
Sack any good spots recently?
Oh, um
Yeah, do you know of Mud Valley?
I It's kinda low profile,
but also pretty hype
because it's so muddy.
Well, I should probably go.
Oh, um, do you still want
to grab coffee sometime?
I'd really love to collab on something.
Here. Can Can
I'm gonna give you my number.
Uh, actually, I'll have one
of my henchmen reach out.
Wow. That was truly humiliating.
Foofie, it doesn't look like things
are going very well for you.
You know, there's no shame
in moving back home.
Wait, what?
You could work for the family business,
and Sid can live a life
of luxury like Stephen.
Just think about it.
Oh, there's Susan.
She claims she hasn't had any work done,
but that unicorn horn
didn't grow by itself.
Say, what do you call a guy
with no brains or no eyeballs?
You when you picked these outfits.
That is very rude. Not nice.
How about a little kiss for Daddy?
- CROWD: Aww!
- Sid?
Oh, hey, Freya!
You're missing
the father-son talent show.
I'm sorry, I can't even begin
to unpack that right now.
But you will not believe
what my mom just said to me
She said we should move to Olympus
and live here rent-free
for as long as we want.
I mean, can you believe that shit?
Wait, that's a bad thing?
Yeah, of course it's a bad thing!
She just wants to rub it in my face
how amazing her life turned out
and how mine's just a big fat failure.
I don't know.
Your parents have been nothing
but kind to us.
Is it possible they're not doing
anything bad, and this is just, like,
a little bit your ego talking?
No, I know they're doing something bad.
I just can't explain exactly
what or how, but it's something.
Hey, come on, dummy. It's showtime.
Ha! Sorry, dummy that's my cue.
Who are you calling dummy, dummy?
- Where were we?
You have such intriguing features.
Soft eyes. A childlike smile.
Shut up.
Why are you being so nice to me
after I was such a jerk to you?
Everyone needs a helping hand.
Even if they don't always deserve it.
Boy, I was wrong about you, Tai.
I thought robots were missing humanity.
But you're the most human being I know.
Thank you, Morris. That means a lot.
Oh, shoot.
I'm out of toner.
I think I need to switch cartridges.
If your heart was ever there ♪
Stupid thing. They put it in
such a weird spot.
Can I help?
Uh, I've never let anyone
do that before.
Well, a wise man once told me
that vulnerability
is a beautiful thing.
Did you ever really cry ♪
Like this?
No, put it in the other way.
It sort of clicks in.
Yeah, just like that.
tell a lie? ♪
And then I said, "You call this a yacht?
I've pissed on bigger fire hydrants!"
SCRAPS: May I cut in?
Scraps, y-you look different.
Different good?
Different very good.
Everyone, this is my friend, Scraps.
So is anyone else spraying
terrible diarrhea
with some green in it?
- Yeah. [LAUGHS]
- Mm, just sensational.
- Yes, that's right.
- Mom.
Yeah? Can I talk to you?
What did I do this time?
I want to apologize.
I've been a total jerk to you,
and I think it's just
because I'm embarrassed
that my life hasn't panned out
to be as good as yours.
And maybe it's not such
a bad idea to move back home.
[LAUGHING] Oh, Foofie,
that is wonderful news!
I can't wait to tell your dad.
He's gonna be so excited
to receive his new organs.
What was that last part?
Oh, I didn't tell you?
Stephen wants to harvest
Sid's organs for his own use.
And that's worth killing Sid?
I thought you liked him.
We do like him
for a starter husband.
I mean, let's be real,
the boy is Wasteland trash.
Oh, my God. I need to find Sid.
Wait, Foofie, you're being ridiculous.
Ah, this is the life, ain't it, Pops?
It sure is, champ.
Sid, we gotta get out of here.
My parents are planning to
Oh, my God!
Ah, Freya. Hello.
Stephen and I have retired
to the gentlemen's quarters
to smoke cigars.
But I must say, they are
making me quite light-headed.
Sid, he's stealing your organs!
What? Don't be ridiculous.
Oh, my God! You're stealing my organs!
Daddy, how could you?
It isn't personal.
You're still my sweet baby boy!
Come on, let's go!
Baby boy!
Move! Out of my way!
Give me back my son!
Foofie, where are you going?
You're being so dramatic.
They're gonna catch us!
Not if I have anything to do with it.
- Eat spleen!
- Oh!
And have some appendix!
- Yucky!
- Take this.
Wait, wait, wait, that's your heart!
Ugh, thank you.
Well, well.
Looks like the trash
learned to take out itself.
Hey, that's my Mommy and Daddy
you're talking about.
Oh, Scraps, come on.
You're better than that.
You're a pure-breed now.
Yeah, well, you're all wet.
No! I'm allergic to water!
And that's a good thing!
Hey, hey, sorry I'm late.
Scraps? You look like a freak.
Aw, you're too kind.
Foofie, why would you go back
to your sad little life
when you can have all of this?
Because I don't want to live your life.
I want my life.
You gotta hit P2. We're on P1.
Oh, okay. My bad.
Have a nice day.
Don't slip on the guts.
- Bye.
Well, it it may take a while,
but I think I'm gonna come
through this a better man.
Thank you, Tai.
Today was really special for me.
It was special for me, too.
You're a good man, Morris Rubinstein.
So what do you say?
Uh, same time next week?
We could have a few drinks,
break out the Twister,
see where it goes.
Yeah, I was kind of hoping
this would be a one-time thing.
I don't know how my robot
friends would feel about me
palling around
with a crotchety old human.
You understand, right?
Hey, I-I was doing you a favor.
You think I want to be friends
with a glorified tin can?
Yeah, right.
Alright, well, good.
Bye, I guess.
- Go suck on a floppy disk!
Trying his best to take
the same big steps ♪
That his daddy took ♪
Johnny was small I was 10 feet tall ♪
I could write a book ♪
About a father and his son,
and the things we've done ♪
And the way life looked ♪
I taught him how to whistle
through his teeth ♪
And I taught him how to bait a hook ♪
Uh-huh ♪
Are you sad to be back
in our crummy little house
with our crummy little lives?
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Ow! Christ. [HISSES]
- Cool.
Think I put all your organs
back in place.
- Thank you.
- How do you feel?
Do you feel like
I'm maybe missing something?
- Aw, man.
- What is this?
I mean, it's probably not vital, right?
- I feel fine.
- I guess I'll just leave it.
- Yeah.
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