Misfits s03e02 Episode Script

Series 3, Episode 2

They needed to send a message.
Turning into a girl, does it cause sexual confusion? They all got their powers before me.
That's all he had left.
This girl he turns into, would you fuck her? We've never seen her.
Shit! We can't get caught, we're on probation.
Didn't take you long did it? Congratulations.
What d'you say? I said do you miss it, the running? Ain't nothing I can do about it, is there? Why you even asking? You're in a good mood! Hey, you ran an 11.
9.
That's quick.
That's very quick.
Who's your coach? I haven't got one.
You should have one.
Just think what you could achieve.
I just want to run.
I'm not interested in anything else.
OK.
It's your call.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Emma.
And you're? Mel issa.
I'm one of the losers you thrashed out there.
Looks like we'll have to up our game.
I should go.
The toilets are out of order.
So you piss in a sink? Yeah, I was going to piss in like a bottle or the vending machine, but this seemed more civilised.
I'm not a complete caveman! Oh.
Do we know each other? I don't think so.
Now that is a tragedy.
We should really do something about it.
Move! Imagine being up to your balls in there.
What can I get you? Vodka and coke.
Double.
You're Curtis Donovan, aren't you? I'm doing the training camp at the Community Centre.
Saw you doing Community Service.
Right.
So is that for drugs? Nah.
Something else.
That's four quid.
This is going to make me sound totally sad, but I used to love to watch you run.
You were so focused, like there was nothing else.
It's not cool, I know.
I said it.
Thanks.
I thought you'd be off the alcohol and that since you're training? You sound like my coach.
He says I've got to take my running more seriously.
I remember that! Your whole life becomes the training.
You say it like you enjoyed it.
You're one of those people.
What do you call them? They get off on being spanked Perverts? No.
Masochists.
I'm not saying you do like being spanked.
Maybe you do.
Not sure where I was going with that! Where are you staying? Some student halls of residence.
So what is there to do around here? You should do the lottery.
Use your power.
See the numbers.
Stick it to them.
We'll split it, 50:50.
Why should I split it with you? Because it was my idea, you! I'm the brains, you're the stare.
OK.
60:50.
It's supposed to add up to 100.
Whoa, don't you even think about screwing me, sweet cheeks! I don't get to choose what I see.
Ah! Fine! 80:30.
But I feel like I've been raped, and not in a good way.
What're you smiling at? What? Am I not allowed to smile? You look like you just got laid.
Did you just have a shag? Something like that.
So who's the lucky girl? You don't know her.
Piece of shit! It won't start.
I don't know why I opened the bonnet.
No idea what I'm looking at.
Want me to look? What you know about cars? I know about electronics, cos I'm a fucking rocket scientist, aren't I? Try it now.
Thanks.
You want a lift? Look, you've already undermined my masculinity.
At least let me drive you somewhere.
Get in.
Where to? There.
Thanks for the lift.
Any time.
I owe you.
Well you can give us a new power if you want.
I don't owe you that much.
Right, see you around.
Mind if I run with you? Yeah, I do.
You fancy going to for a drink sometime? How about dinner? Hmm? Jesus! Catch you on the next lap, yeah? You look like you had a late one? You'll never guess who I met last night.
Who? Curtis Donovan.
Remember him? Sprinting guy that got banned for drugs? Right.
So what's he like? Well, I thought he was cute.
Then we went back to his.
By the time my ban's over, it'll be too late.
No decent coach will want to work with me.
All the guys I trained with, I was way better than them.
He was so negative.
Talk about feeling sorry for yourself! Running's the only thing I was ever really good at.
The only thing that made me feel good about myself.
It's like he blames everyone else for what happened to him.
I had to kiss him just to shut him up! I ended up giving him a sympathy shag.
What do you mean? Big mistake.
The guy is clueless.
It was some of the worst sex I have ever had.
I have to warm down.
Good work today.
Hey, walking back to the Community Centre? I'll walk with you.
What d'you want? I want you to come for a drink with me.
Just one drink.
I'm not interested, OK? You don't know what you're missing.
I know how to please a woman.
Take your fucking hand off my arse before I break it! Oh, my mistake.
Lesbian! Hi.
Hi.
Look, about last night It's all right.
We were both drunk.
Let's just forget it ever happened.
I should get changed.
Ho-ho-ho! Oh, that were brutal, weren't it? That were like watching someone fist a baby lamb.
She just took a huge shit in your mouth! Shut the fuck up, man! All right.
Look, it happens to all of us.
Women are cruel and insensitive, and they are hurtful.
But they're so beautiful.
They smell really nice.
They smell like Toffee apples.
Can I ask you something? When we were together.
Was I? What? Was I all right? You know, the sex stuff? We couldn't actually touch each other, so No, what we could do.
Was I shit? No.
That's one of those nos that means yes.
"No!" Fucking yes! No! What're you saying? I haven't said anything.
You were thinking it.
Go on, I want to hear it.
No, you don't! Is he better than me? What, him? He's better than me?! Don't talk about him like that! Oh, man! When we're doing it, he's focused on me.
What, and I wasn't? You just spent a lot of time watching yourself.
That's bullshit! Oh, really? Look, you were like this.
You done? Look, this is the reason why girls never tell boys this stuff.
Your egos can't take it.
Oh, so that's another thing wrong with me? Oh, here we go! What's that supposed to mean? It's like there's this big fucking cloud hanging over your head.
There ain't no cloud! Oh really? "My life's shit! Everything's shit! I shouldn't even be here!" Look, if you don't want to hear it, don't ask.
Oh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! D'you want to go out tonight? It'll be fun! I haven't got anything to wear.
I'll lend you something.
About the same size.
C'mon.
Go out with me.
All right.
Guys, drugs test.
I'm going to need a urine sample from both of you.
Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! Oh! I had some trouble with my aim.
Come here.
Where are you going? What's he doing? I don't know.
So d'you want to tell me what's going on? Why're we following him? Cos I want to know what he's doing.
Kelly! What's going on? Oh, my God.
You fancy him, don't you? You totally fancy him.
Shut up! He is really fit.
So who's the dead girl, then? What're you doing? That's Curtis' locker.
It's me.
Curtis.
This is how I look when I'm a girl.
What're you doing? I'm running again.
You're running? Like this? It's the only way I can compete.
You can't tell anyone.
Not even Alisha.
C'mon, man.
I need this.
All right.
Do me a favour.
Zip me up.
I don't know how you're supposed to do these things up yourself.
It's fucking weird, man.
Don't tell anyone about this, yeah? Hi! It looks better on you than it does on me! Let's get a drink.
Are you bringing anyone to the party tomorrow? No.
I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend.
You're so beautiful.
I don't really have time, with all the training and everything.
Are you gay? Why d'you say that? I see how you look at me.
It's like how a boy looks at me when he wants to get into my knickers.
I like it.
Have you ever been with a girl before? It's OK.
I'll show you what I like.
Ah! Ah! Ah Being out with her, it's like we connected.
We just talked.
There was no bullshit.
Like I could just be myself.
But you weren't yourself.
She's not interested in me as a guy.
I tried that.
It's different.
Maybe I'm different.
Why can't it be like that with her when I'm me? We think differently to them.
Girls.
That's not all.
The sex You ain't lived until you've had a multiple orgasm.
Guys are getting short-changed.
Ours is all, "Uh! Pth.
" Their's The slow build up, then it's like all through your body, ha, like waves of pleasure.
Are you a lesbian? What? No! No.
When I'm her, I'm still me and and I like girls, so I guess she does, too.
So she is a lesbian? I don't think there's an official term for this shit.
So what're you going to do? I don't want to stop seeing her.
Hi.
Hi.
How I was with you the other night being all negative.
That's not how I want to be.
I guess I need to work some shit out.
I'm sorry.
Hiya.
I hear you girls are having a bit of a party tonight.
I was er thinking we should probably go together.
I'm already going.
And I will see you there.
I am definitely in there, mate.
And the nice thing is, she's already seen my cock, and she's still up for it, so How come she's seen your cock? She caught me pissing in a sink.
It's all worked out very nicely.
Mm! Hey.
What? Nothing.
OK, I'll see you later.
Is that painful? I've just tweaked a muscle.
Let me take a look.
You're very tight.
The muscle's all knotted.
We can't have you cramping up now, can we? Ah! You OK? Yeah.
It feels better.
I'm going to take a shower.
Mel? Hi.
Drink? Go on.
Enjoy yourself.
Relax.
No training tomorrow.
Thanks.
Listen, we should talk about fixing you up with some more training.
One on one.
I think you could really benefit from it.
OK, yeah.
Maybe we should go somewhere a bit quieter and talk about it properly.
Can we talk about this some other time? Thanks for the drink.
Hey! You made it.
Why are you looking at my tits? Hello! They're just there, aren't they? They're very nice, they're perky.
It's a reflex.
Drink up.
We're dancing.
You have yourself a little dance and I'll get you a drink in.
Oh, yeah.
Are you all right? I need some air.
How much have you had to drink? I'm going to take you home, OK? I'll get the number for a taxi.
Don't move.
You all right, love? Eh? You all right? Kiss me Are you sure that's a good idea? It's just that you seem a bit out of it and Oh! Ohh, OK! Yeah, I'll wait outside.
Emma? What're you doing? I'm, er I'm pleasuring you? It's not generally a spectator sport.
I thought it was you! Is that why you were calling me "Emma"? Emma! Wait! Got one of your pubic hairs stuck in my throat here.
Hey, are you all right? I need to find Emma.
OK.
We'll find her.
C'mon.
Just relax.
Ugh! Can I come in? Are you all right? You know, when you think you know someone, then they turn out to be something different? Fuck it.
I don't want to think about it.
So, what've you been up to? Nothin'.
Just hanging out.
Oh I don't think you really want this.
Put your clothes on.
What is your problem? Do you want to have sex with me, or is this a revenge fuck? I don't want that.
You don't need to do this.
Put your clothes on.
I was wrong about you.
Have I messed things up? No.
This is my dress.
Why have you got my dress? I lent this to Mel.
You're shagging her? No, it's not what you think it is.
So, what is it? How did this get here? You're such a fucking prick.
Wait, Emma! Emma? Emma found the dress she lent me.
She thinks I'm shagging Mel.
She thinks you're shagging Mel? No.
She thinks Curtis is shagging Mel.
But I thought you were sleeping with Emma? I was, but then Emma came round last night.
She made a pass at me.
She made a pass at you? No.
She made a pass at Curtis.
Isn't that what you wanted? Yeah, but then she found the dress she lent me, now she thinks Mel's cheating on her, with me.
So who's with Emma? No-one.
She thinks I'm fucking myself! I'm gonna get dressed, yeah? Hey.
Listen, about last night.
I guess we were both drunk.
I only had that one drink that you gave me.
Well, maybe it was just me then, seemed like some really weird shit was going on.
I think it would be best if neither of us said anything about it.
We both just forget about it, yeah? What's going on with you and Simon? What? Nothing.
That's my mate's boyfriend, so you stay away from him.
Listen What's all that? Nothing.
It better be nothing.
What's going on? It looks like she's after your boyfriend.
Fuck knows why.
That's bullshit.
He was zipping up your dress.
You were sticking your arse out and jiggling your tits.
Is that true? It's not what you think.
What is going on?! This here, is your fault.
Were you flirting with him? No.
Get your own boyfriend, you slut.
I'm not a slut.
You're fucking Curtis Donovan! No.
You're shagging Curtis now? It isn't like that.
Ow! Emma! She's got an attitude on her, hasn't she? I've got an attitude? You're always staring at my tits.
You had your hands all over my arse.
I was just being friendly.
And you ask before you touch.
All the groping, and staring the sleazy chat-up lines.
You have no idea what it's like to be a woman.
What?! I think you got your period.
No-one needs to see that.
It's Curtis.
Hmm? The girl.
It's Curtis.
You're kidding? What is wrong with you? Nothing wrong.
Curtis? I know it's you.
Are you all right? Oh, yeah.
I'm great! D'you need a tampon? D'you need me to show you how to shove it up there? I'm good, thanks.
You need to put them on a hot wash, mate.
So what're you going to do? I'm going to tell Emma.
Ain't nothing else I can do.
Hey.
Are you all right? Yes, I just thought you were someone else.
Oh? Listen before you go.
We should talk about fixing up some more training.
One on one.
Emma? Hi! Erm, I'm looking for Emma.
She's out for a drink with her coach.
Just relax.
What the fuck is going on? How did I get here? Mark spiked you.
Don't worry, I stopped him before he really did anything.
Where is he? Tied up in the boot of the car.
He did the same to me last night.
He spiked me.
That's why I was so out of it.
What're you talking about? There's something I need to show you.
Curtis isn't shagging me.
He isn't cheating on you, and neither am I.
This is totally insane.
I just wanted to run.
To feel it again to feel good about myself.
Being her it was the only way I could do it.
I never meant for any of this to happen, to hurt you.
Thought I wanted it more than anything.
It's not worth this.
I need to find something else that makes me feel like that.
What should we do with him? It was you, you've done this to me.
No-one needs to know about that.
Next time you find a girl unconscious, you don't touch her.
You get it? I was checking on you.
It was you that was grabbing me, kissing me, pushing my head down.
I don't like that.
Who's the real victim? You never heard "no means no"? You didn't say no.
You said, "Suck my nipples.
" I was spiked.
You didn't think it was strange when I called you Emma? People say all kinds of weird shit during sex.
I was fucking this bird, one time, right, about to blow my load, and I went "Auntie!" What's that all about? You should've known.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
That's one fine looking gift horse you've got.
Ooh, I've got it.
Eugh, is that a pube? Mmm! D'you want it back? Did you? For a bloke, he's got a lovely pussy.
Fuck it.
Why are you so obsessed with becoming him? I have to save you.
But if you become him, you're gonna leave me.
You're the guy in the mask! You can't tell anyone.
You have a future self? It's my destiny.
That is so fucking cool.
Being a super hero and having a girlfriend, they don't mix.
Where the fuck have you been the past few weeks? I don't know what's going on! Simon, wait! One day you'll come to see that I did it all for you.