Miss Guided (2008) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

MISS GUIDED Hey, you guys! People, knock it off! Knock it off! Again, andrew? This is no way for a mascot to behave.
It's homecoming week.
Have some dignity.
Sit! Sit!Sit! High school can be a scary place.
I know that better than anyone.
My name is becky freeley, and I'm a guidance counselor.
I hate my life.
Come on, russell.
It can't be as bad as you think.
I'm failing remedial P.
E.
I left my inhaler on the bus, and I'm not positive, but I think I have head lice.
These kids are a delight.
I love them, and understandably, they love me.
It's my job to make their lives easier.
I want to show the world just how hard it is to be a teenager hey, peeps.
What's the haps? Because times have changed, and kids today need more guidance than ever before.
it may fill the hole in your mouth, vicky, but it won't fill the hole in your soul.
Gina, "homecoming" is spelled "c-o-M.
" - Good morning.
- good morning, jackrabbits freeley, I heard huffy put you in charge of the dance.
Yeah, he did.
That's funny.
I'm usually in charge of dances.
It's kind of my thing.
Vice principal/dance chair.
I know, bruce, but kids are tired of having dances 10:00 in the morning on a wednesday.
Okay, that was a safety issue.
The difference between day and night is the difference between a dance and a race riot.
I don't think you can really-- dances are more dangeus than they sounD.
If you want me to handle security, you should stop playing coy and ask.
It's okay.
Thanks, but no.
You're intimidated, but I'm just a regular guy, flesh and bone.
Touch me.
Oh, look.
It's tim.
I got it, cindy.
- Thanks.
- All right.
Tim? Tim? I don't think he heard you.
There you go.
Do you need help? That's okay.
As far as the dance is concerned, security won't be necessary.
I've already found some amazing, trustworthy chaperones.
Let me guess.
You asked tim.
I did ask tim to chaperone, and he said yes.
He seemed very excited.
Ideally the next step would be for him to ask me to be his date.
Today will probably be the day.
This is my most expensive outfit.
The competition doesn't stand a chance.
who else is there? He should be so lucky.
Fine.
Handle your own security.
Regardless, you won't be alone.
I'll be waiting in the wings for you to fail.
when I was a student here, I didn't even know we had a guidance counselor.
Luckily I was one of the fortunate ones.
re the most memorable years of my life.
Technically, I wasn't exactly what you would you ca popular, but I did have many exciting interests and plenty of friends.
BLAME IT ON THE RAIN, THE MILLI VANILLI FAN CLUB I just felt so sorry for her, and I thought she would probably put out.
since then, I've changed quite and two years ago, principal huffy offered me this job.
Clearly he was impressed by my maturity and qualifications.
She was much more attractive than I remembered.
People sometimes ask why I would want to come back here.
Who wouldn't want to come back knowing everything they know now? And this week, I found out I wasn't the only one.
Miss freeley, I'm glad you're here.
This is miss germain.
She'll be joining us in the english department.
Lisa germain.
Lisa germain and I had every class together for four years.
I was an "f" and she was a "g, " so you would've thought I would've sat in front, but somehow, that was never the case.
I think we had a class together.
Is she the same becky who vomited during the safe sex assembly? Day after day, year after year, 1 foot away from each other.
I memorized every inch of her long, shiny ponytail because I could never see over her giant head.
but it was fine.
She was fine.
It's becky, right? Wow, you look great.
Nothing like what I remember.
Oh, that's right.
You two were in the same class.
Wasn't one of you homecoming queen? That was me.
¹Ë ÎÊ Ð¡ ½ã µÚÒ»¼¾ µÚ1¼¯ -==ÆÆÀÃÐÜ×ÖÄ»×é==- ·­Ò룺¸öÈËID Уԣº¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺¬ ±ó So, shane, what brings you in today? The dance.
Mm, yes.
Homecoming.
Seems like just yesterday when I was looking forwa to that myself.
richard, it's only 12:30.
He still might show.
dad, turn it off.
So what seems to be the problem? Well, there's someone I want to ask, but she's pretty special.
I mean, I know what goes on at dances.
And I really don't want to make a fool of myself.
I know just what to do.
so - was that helpful? - Sure.
That was unusual.
Thanks.
I used a 12 count instead of the traditional 8, so it's pretty advanced.
It's just that she's older and more mature than anyone I've ever dated.
Really? How much older is she? A lot.
I-it could be seen as weird for someone her age and someone my age to you know? Shane, are you saying what I think you're saying? yes.
lunch.
Can I go now? I think that would probably be best.
Hi, peter.
Have you seen tim? Oh, I'm saving this seat for robert.
We need to discuss some math-related issues.
Oh, that's okay.
I-- see, if I left the geometry lab at 12:15, - and he left the library at 12:30 - tim! - And we both traveled at an average speed of 2.
3 miles - have fun with that.
Per hour, then you--okay.
Where's the rest of the spanish department? Field trip to taco loco.
oh, right.
Taco loco.
- you're hilarious.
- I'm not joking.
The kids are learning how to make tortillas.
Sure.
Of course.
Because food making is such an important-- I thought it was a lame idea.
I mean, the last thing those kids need is more fast food.
Yeah.
That's what I meant.
That's totally lame.
And some of those kids are huge.
Oh, I didn't mean that.
I just wish that the restaurant had been more authentic.
I mean, I feelike I have to try twice as hard to get them to take me serusly.
Right, because you're so attractive.
because I'm teaching spanish now instead of auto shop.
I barely know how to speak spanish.
I'm only one language lab ahead of the kids.
But when senor levine got his hard drive seized by the fbi, they needed someone to fill in.
It was a great opportunity to prove that I'm more than just a mechanic.
Plus, there was nobody else available.
They offered me the job but I didn't want anyone poking around my hard drive.
so how is your day going? Oh, good.
It's always a challenge, but the kids are worth it.
But I do have to be careful not to let them get too attached.
I met with a boy today who has a crush on me.
well, that is a great outfit.
Thanks.
I think he wants to ask me to the dance.
Aww, that's cute.
I guess it is.
But, I mean, a teacher going with a student? I mean, a teacher going with another teacher or faculty member, that I can definitely see.
so you and me chaperoning the dance damn.
It's crowded in here.
Lisa germain.
Tim o'malley.
Pleasure, tim o'malley.
Have you met becky? Oh, hi, becky.
It's so great to see that you're eating without any trouble.
Becky had some pretty elaborate orthodontic issues in high school really? Her teeth look fine now.
Perfect.
Thanks so, tim, what do you teach? Spanish.
Really? Where is the library? The library is in the beach it's such a beautiful language.
I spent six months in spain working on a cattle ranch.
Really? That's amazing.
I never would've guessed.
Well, I was writing a novel.
Knocky knock.
I just wanted to spitball some ideas about the dance-- decorations, security, whatnot.
- I got it covered, phil.
- Do you md if I sit? - You know, actually, I have an appointment-- - are you bringing a date? Of course, my wife won't be coming.
Her bowel went irritable again.
It's probably the lyme disease.
I've been working out.
Can you tell? Oh, I, you know, I don't really-- it's hard for a man my age to admit that he's lonely, becky.
Weren't we at 2:00, miss freeley? Yes, allison, come on in.
- Thank you for stopping by, phil.
- Sure, sure.
The preparations for the dance are complete.
Tim hasn't asked me to be his date yet, but there's still time.
I would advise a female student in this situation to ask the guy herself, but I would never do that.
God no.
hello, desperate.
no, no tengo.
s? s?tengo.
S? s?tengo.
Sorry.
tim! Buenos días! Hey, becky.
Thought that was you.
- How's it going? - Good.
Great, actually.
I have these enchiladas leftover from dinner.
They're authentic.
I thought we could share 'em for lunch and talk about our plans for the dance.
Transportation, for example.
Yeah, sure.
look at that car.
it's gorgeous.
It's okay.
Probably not very good mileage.
Probably not, but it's a classic '65, 289 4 barrel.
yeah.
I love cars.
when I was growing up, we had an '82 lebaron with a red interior.
It smelled like real leather.
we should probably go help.
Yeah.
I told you planning a dance was dangerous.
It wasn't dance related.
My shoe broke when I was helping a fellow motorist with her car.
Speaking of the dance, you should know, I've noticed some disturbing behavior.
- Like what? - Drugs.
I walked past some students decorating the gym, and now my suit smells like bong water.
Or that's your cologne.
you are right.
The point is, you need my security detail.
And dances were my thing.
Okay, bruce, maybe I could use your help.
You can cover security.
I don't know.
I'll have to think about it.
Okay, fine.
I'll do it.
I knew you'd come crawling sooner or later.
when I was in high school, I got my ass kicked three, maybe four times a day.
And you know what? It felt good, real good, because I turned that pain into power.
And you know who likes men with power? Ladies.
Ladies do.
hot ladies and ugly ladies.
Either way, booyah! Bruce means well, and in my job, I've learned to tolerate many different kinds of people and still conduct myself with professionalism and self-respect.
Tim! Are you ready for my enchiladas? I'm so sorry, becky.
I gotta go study for a parent-teacher conference.
It's with actual mexicans.
Sure.
Gracias.
Good luck! what? - Hi - Shane.
There's something I was gonna tell you at the dance, but I think I'm just gonna say it now.
Shane Sit, sit, sit.
Feelings of comfort and safety generated in certain therapeutic situations understandably I don't want to use the word "womb, " but, uh, well, what I'm trying to say is that while these feelings are okay-- feelings? What feelings? When you were talking about the dance, and you mentioned an older woman and yeah, allison haney.
She's a senior, and I'm just a sophomore.
Allison? She's two years older than you.
You probably thought I meant miss germain.
she's so hot.
Can you believe one of my friends s actually gonna ask her to homecoming? Thank god he found out she was going with mr.
@'Malley before he did anything stupid.
What an idiot.
Yeah.
What an idiot.
okayI'll admit, it was difficult for me to hear about tim and lisa, but only because of our shared history with todd collins.
todd collins was my high school boyfriend.
I think becky had a thing for him because they were in some school play together.
I'm sorry, it was more than just a play.
It was "the sound of music.
" captain von trapp, fraulein maria has arrived.
richard, that was her only line.
Let's go.
Hey, becky, wait up.
I'm so sorry that I missed lunch.
I was really looking forward to it.
That's okay.
It was gross.
I heard you're going to the dance with lisa.
That should be fun.
Yeah, she asked me earlier.
Oh, really? She asked you? Yeah.
So we'll see you there, right? You're chairman of the committee.
Yes, I am.
I have to get there very early, you know, in case someone faints or cries has a baby in the bathroom.
there's that sense of humor.
Yep, there it is.
Midnight hula.
Can't wait.
Amecoming-- three months of hard work for one magical night.
I planned every detail except for one-- that tim and lisa would go together.
no groping, no grinding.
No groping, no grinding.
No groping, no grinding.
So I showed up alone, but it was fine.
My mom gave me a ride.
She had a date and needed to borrow the car.
and it wouldn't kill you to show some skin! You look great.
Thanks.
So do you.
are you going inside? I'll go in with you.
You go on ahead.
I'm gonna stay out here and get some air.
don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't cha? Ooh, don't cha? russell, is that you? Hi, miss freeley.
What are you doing here? My parents thought I should take part in normal teenage activities, like going to dances.
I mean, I'm 15 years old.
I'm supposed to like this stuff.
I guess.
But I don'T.
Does that make me weird? Maybe.
But why is weird such a bad thing? Fitting in isn't always the answer.
There was a once a large european family who didn't know how to love until a friendly nun came and made them matching outfits and taught them to sing about raindrops and kittens.
They didn't fit in.
And do you know why not? They were retarded? No, it was because of the nazis.
And retarded isn't a therapeutic term.
The point is even if it's uncool, if doing what makes us happy is weird, I'd rather be weird.
Everyone just has to grow up at their own pace.
maybe that meansgoing to dances? Or maybe it means watching from the sidelines one last time.
thanks, miss freeley.
Su, russell.
can I touch your boob? No, sweetie.
People think because I get so involved in the lives of my students that I have no time for a life of my own, but that's just not true.
I love living with my mother again.
She needs me now that my dad left.
And she'd be here right now, but she probably just lost track of time on her datE.
Do you want a ride home? We can stop for ice cream.
crap! I'm sure my mom won't mind.
and so here I am.
so what about your husband? Jay? Oh, he's fine.
He's living happily ever after, just not with me.
I'm sorry.
Oh, there's nothing to be sorry about.
He was a pig.
it's just hard for someone like me to be single again.
Well, you're not alone around here.
I'm single, becky is single.
I doubt that becky would understand.
What do you mean? Oh, don't geme wrong.
Becky's great, wonderful.
Maybe if her desperation wasn't soobvious, she would seem less pathetic? I know that she can be awkward sometimes, but I guess that's why I'm so impressed.
She still is so positive.
I just find that kind ofinspiring.
Me, too.
Me, too.
She's inspiring.
Do you want to get a drink? Maybe another time.
It's a school night.
So sure.
Well, good night, then.
Good night.
I'm this way.
hey, bruce.
Freeley.
Where weou last night? If you chickened out, that's nothing to be ashamed of.
I would never say I told you so, but I predicted that would happen.
Actually, I was there.
I ran into russell in the bushes outside.
I get it.
how many of his weapons were concealed? No weapons, bruce.
He just needed a little advice.
I had a chance to share what I've learned so maybe he'll have an easier time than I did.
Russell's worth it.
Really? He doesn't even play a sport.
They're all worth it.
I love my job.
Yeah? Why? It's like my car out there.
My whole life, I've wanted that car, and I never thought I would have it, and now it's mine.
I can't believe I'm so lucky.
was that it was.

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