Mission Impossible (1966) s01e12 Episode Script

It's a nice kit of fantails.
Strain of Whittingham, aren't they? Here's a crossed Oriental Roller with Persom.
Fancy tumbler.
Some people think pigeons are just pigeons.
Good morning, Mr Briggs.
Anastas Poltroni, head of the International Narcotics Syndicate, now resides as Ted Carson in a country with which we have no extradition treaty.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, would be to get Poltroni out of that country so that he may be legally arrested and brought back to the United States to face trial.
Unfortunately, kidnapping has been ruled out as too embarrassing politically.
As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
Please dispose of this recording by the nearest means.
Good luck, Dan.
Thank you.
How'd I look? Let's just say it works.
Okay, I'll wear it.
You might be starting a whole new style.
Can I wear one with a pattern? Flowers, lace, something? No.
You have no fashion sense.
No.
This is Anastas Poltroni, alias Ted Carson, an alley cat who became a king.
The plan is designed to get him across the border into Chagueo.
Which has an extradition treaty with the United States.
Right.
Carson is still operating his narcotics ring.
In order to get him, we're gonna need a large supply of heroin.
- Where do we get that? - From Carson.
How does he get it? Somehow he's been using the local zoo to receive his stuff.
Do you like animals, Barney? The question is, do they like me? Watch out for this one.
Carson's bodyguard, Hidalgo.
Can you handle him? If I have to.
Can you handle Carson? If the cavalry arrives on time.
It will.
Cinnamon, this is a book called The Purple Decade.
It's really about Carson, although it's disguised.
He looks interesting.
Glad to hear it.
It'll help when I'm supposed to be jealous.
Thank you, Mrs Rutledge.
110? The street's too noisy.
I much prefer the top floor.
Certainly, señora.
- 308? - Lovely.
You know how much that car would cost in your country? $12,000.
But I didn't hurt it, señor.
That scratch wasn't there before.
Now, you see that it's removed, or you'll both be without jobs.
- It will be taken care of, señor.
- I know it will.
Breeding certainly tells, doesn't it, señora? Yes, but unfortunately money dictates.
You're wasting your time with this book.
It's garbage.
- You didn't care for it? - Oh, I didn't read it.
I didn't have to.
I know the author.
Can't write his own name.
Are you generally so opinionated? Only when I know what I'm talking about.
Well, then, what's your opinion of the hotel restaurant? Avoid it.
There's only one restaurant in this town.
That's the Casa Mirada.
Try it.
You'll like it.
Thank you.
So will your husband.
I'm sure he would if he were here.
You know, they don't allow women in the Casa Mirada without an escort.
Well, I can't say I wasn't warned about the hardships of travelling alone.
So why travel alone? I'll pick you up at 9:00, huh? What's your name? Rutledge.
Diana Rutledge.
You haven't told me what you do, Mr Carson.
You haven't told me what you like, Mrs Rutledge.
I make you nervous? No, not at all.
Then you won't mind if I order another bottle of champagne, huh? Steward.
That was Eric Veona on the phone.
He's testing a new turbine-engine race car.
Wants me to do a few laps with him tonight.
At night? You must be out of your mind.
He's quite a guy, that Veona.
Have you any idea, the guts it takes to drive in one of those races, especially when you've had four pile-ups? They were beauts, too.
I never thought he'd be able to walk away from them.
Don't go.
I mean, I like you, and it's dangerous.
Well, anything that's exciting is dangerous.
I'm told that women can be dangerous.
That depends on the woman.
Really, I'd worry.
Don't.
I already told him that I couldn't make it.
You were right about the Casa Mirada.
The dinner was simply marvellous.
I told you you'd like it.
I think I'd better say good night.
Hey, I got something for you.
For me? Well, what is it? Where did you get it? It was the wine steward's.
I stole it from him.
You stole it? Just wanted to see if I could get away with it, and I did.
And if you hadn't? What could they do about it? I'm their best customer.
Why do you do things like that? You women.
You always have to have a reason for something, don't you, huh? Come on.
Let's have a little nightcap.
Well, why your room? The hotel bar is still open.
See what I mean? Always have to have a reason.
Well, now, if I'd asked you to my room I'd accept.
And I do.
You're quite a woman.
You don't know it yet, but that's not your fault.
And whose fault is it? The so-called men in your life.
You know, I bet you never went out with a guy who didn't fall all over himself telling you how beautiful you were, begging your favours.
You're offensive.
Good.
Glad you like me.
Maybe it's the animal in you.
And you figure it'd be exciting, trying to tame me.
Don't try.
I grew up in a neighbourhood where they checked your head for lice once a month and gang fights took the place of birthday parties.
You know who the dirtiest fighters were? The females.
For instance, suppose I wanted to shoot you.
I mean, that I had a reason to shoot you.
I'd get a pistol, I'd look you straight in the face, and I'd let you have it.
But not a female.
Oh, no.
No, she'd shoot you any place she could, including your back.
I get the impression you have a very low opinion of women.
That's the right impression.
I believe that male and female are natural enemies.
And since I'm an animal, I enjoy the fight.
Tell me more about your childhood.
No.
Somehow it's awfully fake, me being as poor as I was.
As fake as these pearls you're wearing.
Why did you do that? I told you, I don't like anything fake.
No more questions.
If you wait a minute, I'll have a statement to make.
That's another thing I don't like, playing games.
You want me to stay, say so.
Stay.
I could learn to live with your philosophy, maybe even like it.
I know you could.
Did you order room service? Why would I do a thing like that? I better go in the other room.
Oh, no.
I'm sure it's just somebody who's gotten the wrong room.
Who is it? Telegram.
Jack! What a charming scene.
Right out of a B-movie.
We all know how this kind of scene ends, don't we? Wait a minute, now.
Wait a minute.
I was under the impression that she was separated.
Jack, put the gun away.
Give me a chance to explain.
- Explain? - He just took me out to dinner.
In that outfit? Get out of here.
I got some business with your dinner date.
Jack, I'm not going anywhere.
Put that gun away before you get us into real trouble.
Now, listen, friend, your beef's with her, not with me.
She didn't have to go out with me, you know.
And you didn't have to ask her out! Look, get us out of this.
Call the police, anything.
You pick up that phone and I'll kill you.
You rich guys think just because you got all that money, you can get away with anything.
Oh, so it's more than just your wife, huh? It's because I have money.
Suppose this barrel that you happen to have me over were full of money.
What would you say to that, huh? You trying to bribe me? Trying to reason with you.
Name your price.
Price? Look at it like a business deal.
What kind of a man do you think I am? A man that wants the best.
No harm in that.
But this time looks like you got a raw deal.
Jack, I'll make it up to you.
Well, what good would killing him do? Don't be a fool.
Take the money.
She's right, you know.
Put that thing down, huh? I'll write you out a cheque.
$5,000? $10,000? $20,000.
You're more of a man than I thought you were.
Jack, be a good boy and give me the gun.
- $20,000.
- Now, wait a minute.
Do you think I'm so stupid I don't know a cheque can be stopped? Yeah, I do.
I think you're stupid.
When you think that a guy like me would be dumb enough to fall for this penny ante amateur night routine, yeah, you're stupid.
The only thing I can't take, that's being low-rated.
What are you talking about? A little badger game that didn't work.
You picked the wrong guy to blackmail.
Don't wanna see either one of you again.
Not gonna go to the cops about this.
I can't.
But you both better be out of here by morning.
Next time, do a little better research, huh? My name happens to be Anastas Poltroni.
You all right? We take him in 30 minutes.
Two margaritas? Thank you.
Tequila.
You know how? How was it? Remember when you asked me if I like animals? Yes.
- Not polar bears.
- Heroin in Carson's room? - Yeah.
- How much would you guess it's worth? When it's cut, close to a million dollars.
- Where did you find it? - You're not gonna believe this.
Try us.
In a python.
In a In a little box inside a big snake.
Well, I believe it.
Now, you tell me, how did you figure out where it was? I saw Hidalgo trying to pick the lock on the python's cage, and he left a machete on top of it.
You mean you had to cut the I don't wanna hear anything more about it.
All right, next problem.
Mountain roads near the Chagueo border are winding and confusing.
We'll need local help to get Carson across the border.
The parking attendant at the hotel, Carson took him over the coals.
It seems he scratched a fender or something.
I think he may be our man.
- Barney? - I'll enlist his help before I call the cops.
- Dan? - Yeah.
We can fool Carson into crossing the border once we get him near it, but the border's 100 miles from here.
- Can we chase him that far? - We won't try.
He'll chase us.
Why? We stole the heroin from Carson.
We just gave it back to him, right? - Right.
- Now we'll steal it again.
Will you be able to get to the border country in time? Oh, yes.
I have my cousin's car.
I hope you have enough relatives for the job.
To get this man out of our country, everybody wants to be my relative.
Mr Carson.
- Who is it? What do you want? - It's the police.
Open up.
We have a search warrant.
We'd like to take a look at your rooms.
- What are you looking for? - We'll let you know if we find it.
You take this room.
No, no, wait.
See? An old trick.
You open the window, it falls out and there is no evidence on the premises.
But here it is.
So what is it? I don't know how it got there.
What's this all about, you know? Several things.
First, your man Hidalgo was killed.
And then, there is this.
The heroin, Mr Poltroni.
Handcuff him.
Let's not get hasty, now.
Can't you guys tell a frame when you see one? Nobody hides that much junk in a hotel room.
I'm sure they will listen to reason at headquarters.
Headquarters? Come on, now, you're not taking me in.
Nobody takes me in, at least not till I make a phone call.
You can call from the station.
Put them on.
Well, you guys just lost yourselves a chance for a nice promotion.
- Who do you think tipped off the police? - Move, move.
Come on.
Is it true the book The Purple Decade was written about you? I'm sorry I can't answer your questions, gentlemen, but then I don't know the answers to them myself right now.
What are they taking you in for? Somebody stashed some junk in my room.
Then you were framed? Yeah, and you can quote me.
Why don't you come down to the station, huh? Maybe I can give you a little story about police brutality.
Hey, move that basket! There are people in here.
Move! Sorry, señores.
Estúpido! Get that fool thing out of here! Sorry, señor.
Hurry! Jack! Don't leave me! Well, that figures.
Let me go! Come on, you're gonna help me find that husband of yours.
- That's what you think! - That's what I know.
Not only because you'll need a plastic surgeon if you don't, but because he deserted you.
- Oh, that's not true.
- What are you talking about? He saw a chance to keep all of that heroin for himself, so he took it.
- Where did he go? - I don't know! Where? The A place we go sometimes, near Vanquear.
- Did he take the main highway? - I don't know.
Which road does he usually take? Which road does he usually take? He didn't hear me, I know it.
I know he didn't hear me! No, of course not.
He was wearing earmuffs! What road did he take? Through the edge of town, a back road.
I'll show you.
How much further? About half a mile.
We interrupt this programme to bring you a news bulletin.
Anastas Poltroni, alias Ted Carson, is wanted by police for questioning after an escape from police who were held up by an unidentified couple.
Poltroni is six feet two, 175 pounds, has blue eyes and blond hair.
He may be accompanied by the woman, blond hair and blue eyes, wearing How long ago did you say you stayed in this dump? Oh, it's been a while.
I don't see his car anywhere.
There are no lights.
Are you sure he's here? Look, I told you I'm not I told you, I'm not sure of anything.
This is the place we said we'd meet.
If he's not here, I don't know where he is.
Well, we'll soon find out.
Come on.
Looks like a Mexican standoff, doesn't it? Put it down.
You put it down.
One I don't even have to aim this, you know.
No, don't.
Two This'll make you look like a piano roll.
That's thinking.
Back up.
I should have known you'd bring him here.
You've got a nerve.
Who ran out on who? Let's can that married dialogue.
Where's the stuff? Where'd you hide it? If you don't want your husband splattered all over that wall, you better wise him up.
- Tell him, Jack.
- Kill me, you'll never find the heroin.
Have you any idea where he might have hid it? Diana, shut up! Look, I'm with you.
Look over there behind the loose baseboard.
He hid some money there once.
Females.
Their loyalty is known and loved throughout the world, huh? - Back here? - Back behind the stairs.
Here we are.
This is the police.
Put up your hands and come out the front door.
Stay where you are.
We have you surrounded.
You have 30 seconds to surrender before we commence firing.
All right, come over here.
Come on! Over by the door.
Come on, move.
Be ready to go out that door when I tell you.
Twenty seconds! And you, you're going with me.
You're gonna be my wolf meat.
What does he mean by that? What does he mean by "wolf meat"? In Russia, a man on a sled chased by wolves would throw meat out to keep the wolves from eating him.
That's right.
Ten seconds! We're gonna take another little ride together.
All right, now's the time.
Out that door.
Five seconds! Three seconds! You'd rather have me shoot you? Firing! Don't shoot! No! He's hit.
All right.
The rest of you, come out with your hands up or we will come in shooting.
- Go on, move! - Culprit! This is the police.
Put up your hands and come out the front door.
We have you surrounded.
You have 30 seconds to surrender before we commence firing.
Twenty seconds! - Just let me get these things.
- We have time.
We don't wanna get too close.
Where are you taking me? Away from the border.
What's the border got to do with it? Everything.
I'm a dead duck if I cross it.
Why? I don't like answering questions, remember? What are you gonna do with me? Like I said, you're my wolf meat, my insurance.
He should be at the construction about now.
That's all I need.
Why don't you try to drive right through? You on my side again? There's something about your logic doesn't appeal to me.
Turn off the siren.
And the light.
I think we've lost them.
I don't see anything.
We'll change cars in Nuevo.
Hey, get that out of there! Too close.
We're across the border.
We're in Chagueo.
Mr Poltroni.
We've been expecting you.
Welcome to Chagueo.
Señor Aniso, I believe you will find the extradition papers in order.
Why, you're quite a miracle, aren't you? Quite a pair.
How much are you gonna get for me, huh? For you? Two cents.