Mission Impossible (1966) s04e05 Episode Script

Fool's Gold

Good morning, Mr.
One of these 100-drona notes is the legitimate currency of the Kingdom of Bahkan, the other is a perfect counterfeit.
One hundred million of this counterfeit drona have been printed by Igor Stravos, finance minister of the Federated People's Republic.
Stravos has demanded that Bahkan redeem its currency in gold.
If Bahkan cannot prove the notes are counterfeit, it must meet the demand.
Stravos knows this will exhaust Bahkan's gold reserve and precipitate the overthrow of Bahkan's pro-Western government.
Your mission, Jim, should you decide to accept it, is to destroy the counterfeit drona, get the plates, and make certain that Stravos never again presents a threat.
As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
This tape will self-destruct in five seconds.
Good luck, Jim.
All I heard was a low hum.
It'll protect you from the ultrasonic sound.
But only for ten minutes, - After that, the power pack burns up.
- What happens then? Ultrasonic waves operating at a million cycles a second can cook an egg.
The sound frequency in that corridor is 3 million cycles.
You won't be able to hear it, but in two minutes, it can turn you into a vegetable.
I will try to remember that.
Unfortunately, only Stravos' voice print can turn off the current in the corridor.
We can't do it without their knowing about it.
- Willy? - This will fit right over their time lock.
When they set this to open at 8 in the morning, this will recalibrate the time so that it will open the vault door at 12 midnight.
Now, the Bahkan government has agreed to cooperate with us.
They've already allowed Stravos access to a duplicate of this file.
And they've given us a legitimate drona.
At least one side of it.
And these.
- Legitimate plates? - Yes.
With one minor alteration.
Barney? Good.
That's fine, Barney.
But, Jim, paper money packed that solid won't burn all the way through.
That's right, Beth.
But Stravos has made perfect counterfeit drona.
They're undetectable.
So you can be sure that he's taking every precaution to see that they're protected.
Well, we're going to use his precautions to destroy him.
Yes? Baron Rakozny, special envoy from the Kingdom of Bahkan, minister.
Show him in.
Baron Rakozny.
- Minister Stravos.
- Please, sit down.
Thank you, I would prefer to stand.
- A cognac? - No, thank you.
I would like a glass.
I'd like to come to the point of this.
We do not have time for amenities.
- Proceed, proceed, baron.
- You have been informed that my country's government has decided to redeem in gold the 100 million drona held by the Federated People's Republic.
Oh, yes.
I therefore propose this meeting take place tomorrow afternoon, here in your office, 2:00, and that the World Monetary Commission witness the exchange.
- That is satisfactory.
- Very well.
This is Yuri Zagar.
If you have no objection, I would like him to inspect the drona your country holds.
But why? We have heard rumours our currency has been counterfeited in quantity.
Your government may have received some of this unwittingly, of course.
Naturally, we would like to isolate it.
Is Mr.
Zagar qualified to discover counterfeit drona? Eminently qualified, minister.
When would you like this inspection to take place? If you so please, immediately.
Very well.
Follow me.
What is the trouble? These bulbs are due to be replaced.
I have a meeting at the embassy.
If you have no objection, Mr.
Zagar will stay here and continue the inspection? Of course.
Give Mr.
Zagar any assistance he may require.
Minister Stravos, my wife, the Baroness Elizabeth Rakozny.
- Baroness.
- Minister.
I am very busy, Elizabeth.
What do you want? You promised me this morning you would take me to lunch, remember? Possibly, but I'm afraid it's out of the question now.
Oh, but this is our last day here and I wanted to see the Café Intime.
Café Intime? You can't be serious.
Don't you know its reputation? Yes.
It's one of the most famous cafés in Europe.
Well, infamous, you mean.
It's a rendezvous for lovers, for men and their mistresses, Elizabeth.
Bruno, we are married.
- I want to go.
- No, I forbid it.
You did not forbid Mr.
Zagar does as he pleases since he does not have a reputation to protect.
Now, I must meet the ambassador in 20 minutes.
- But, Bruno, I - No, absolutely not.
Would you like for me to arrange for a government car to take you? I'm tired of looking at your country through a hotel window.
I'm sorry, it's not your fault.
It's just that Bruno is so impossible.
Well, he is rather strange, quite Victorian.
Victorian? Autocratic, you mean.
He believes he rules everything.
Everybody but Mr.
Zagar is different.
He is What? How is he different? Are you as curious about him as I am about the Café Intime? Your husband forbids you to go there.
I know a lot about Mr.
I would be willing to discuss him over lunch.
No, I'm afraid your husband would be very, very angry if Mr.
Zagar is a criminal.
What kind of criminal? Lunch, say, 1:00? I'm afraid that I'm not brave enough to risk your husband's anger.
Now, please, what kind of criminal? He is a counterfeiter.
And more.
One o'clock? One o'clock it is.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Turn on the lights, please.
Premier Roshkoff, I understand your concern.
But I can assure you that the Kingdom of Bahkan can prove nothing.
I trust not.
It would be very embarrassing if they did.
An embarrassment that would have severe repercussions.
Do I make myself clear, Stravos? Perfectly, premier.
- Yes.
- Mr.
Zagar to see you.
Show him in.
Have you completed the inspection already, Mr.
Zagar? Yes.
At least, to my satisfaction.
Yours? What about Baron Rakozny's? We will see.
It amazes me that Baron Rakozny would enlist the aid of a man like you to advise him.
- A man like me? - Yes, counterfeiter.
Can you think of anyone who would be better qualified to detect counterfeit money? - What do you mean? - You know what I mean.
But they are good.
In fact, excellent.
- They are not counterfeit.
- They are.
But they will pass the inspection of the World Monetary Commission.
However, they will not bring about a monetary crisis in Bahkan.
- Why not? - Because you have been misled about the amount of gold the Bahkan government has in reserve.
It has 200 million, not one.
I do not believe you.
Why should I lie? Lgor, now that you are forewarned, all you have to do is print another hundred million drona.
It is not that simple.
The baron has the authority to withdraw the entire 200 million in gold from the Bahkan treasury.
If necessary.
Why are you being so helpful, Mr.
Zagar? What do you want? My needs are very simple.
I live a modest life.
Say, 3 million drona in gold.
Of course, in order to pay me, you would have to induce the baron to exchange the rest of Bahkan's gold reserve for another hundred million drona without your government knowing about it.
- A secret exchange? - Exactly.
One which would take place somewhere along the border after the official exchange.
The idea is preposterous.
It would never work.
Besides, I know of no way to blackmail Baron Rakozny.
Do you? No, no.
But I am sure that the Federated People's Republic has a complete dossier on every high-ranking official in the Bahkan government, and that somewhere in the baron's file, there must be something you could use.
Think about it.
- Yes, minister? - Bring me Baron Rakozny's file.
I can see now why this café is a legend.
I wonder how many of these people are married.
Most of them are, but not to each other.
Zagar is apparently quite a ladies' man.
- Yes.
- I don't understand it.
- Oh, I think he's terribly attractive.
- Really? Well Well, I mean Well, I can understand why women find him attractive.
Even though he's a criminal? But you do not think of counterfeiters as criminals.
They seem more like artists.
There's something so romantic about the way they Please, get me out of here.
He mustn't see me.
This way.
Every worker is entitled to a lunch break, baron.
Yes, I see.
Elizabeth, how could you, after I have expressly forbidden you to come here? Baron, I can explain.
It's my fault.
- You see, I - That's not true.
I asked Minister Stravos to bring me here.
- Yes, I can believe that.
- Baron I know my wife better than she thinks I do.
- Bruno.
- Don't make a scene, Elizabeth.
You're despicable, Bruno.
We will discuss that and your behaviour back at the hotel.
Now come.
You are making a spectacle, Elizabeth.
Do not forget you are a Rakozny.
Oh, how I wish I could forget.
Well, this is a surprise.
Wait in the car, please.
I would suggest you also leave, Mr.
Zagar, and finish your inspection.
Of course, baron, after I have said goodbye to my friends.
Zagar, I would like to talk with you in my office about what we discussed this morning.
I have never read such a dreary compendium of rectitude in my life.
This man is so virtuous, he is absolutely inhuman.
Well, if you found nothing in the baron's dossier, what makes you believe you can still blackmail him? Through his wife, the baroness.
- I don't understand.
- Oh, yes, you do.
You're a very perceptive man.
You have seen the way the baroness looks at you? All you have to do is invite her for a late supper at the Café Intime, this evening, in one of their private dining rooms.
That is all I have to do? I will record the entire rendezvous on film.
Which you will then show to the baron, who will then kill me.
- He's a very proud man.
- Exactly.
The baron is so proud of the name Rakozny that he will do everything to protect it from public scandal and shame.
And there will also be some extra gold for you, perhaps an additional quarter million.
I thought more like a half.
A half a million? Oh, that is getting steep.
No, no, no.
I mean half of the hundred million.
A full partnership.
No, you can't be serious.
I am very serious when it comes to risking my life.
I don't know what I would do without it.
Well, Igor, shall I call the baroness or the baron? Foreign currency exchange.
Box 9-14.
- Do you have a match? - Yes, I think so.
- Just keep them.
- Thank you.
Let me pour you another glass of wine.
I really don't think I should.
If Bruno ever found out that I Please, I want to hear no more talk about the baron.
- But - Please? To us.
But we hardly know each other.
That is a mistake which can easily be corrected.
Do you think this is proper? With a beautiful woman, what could be more proper? We really shouldn't.
Your voice tells me no.
But your eyes say yes.
I wonder which I should believe.
Oh, Yuri.
You know my terms, baron.
Either you release the extra hundred million in gold, or the film that you just saw will become public property.
Decency, my Have you no decency? No.
Only a problem, one which you can solve.
Well, baron? The House of Rakozny dates from the 14th century without a breath of scandal.
Now, to protect it, you would ask me to become a thief and a traitor to my country.
We all have to make little compromises.
- I need time to think.
- No, I want your answer now.
Well? When and where do you propose this secret exchange to take place? At the border crossing west of Zinograd, 5:00 tomorrow afternoon.
The gold will be there.
Congratulations, Igor.
I am going to arrange with the government printing office to send over two of their best men in the morning to start printing up the extra drona.
- They might talk.
- No, no.
I will take care of them the same way that I took care of the first two.
That could look suspicious.
Two more government printers missing so soon after the first two disappear.
If the premier heard of it, he might begin to suspect.
- There is no alternative.
- Yes, there is.
Two former colleagues of mine, excellent men, they just happen to be visiting in the Federated People's Republic at the moment.
I see.
You had this whole thing planned before you left Bahkan, didn't you? No, no.
What time shall I have my men here in the morning? Eight tomorrow morning, ready to work as soon as I get the plates from the vault.
What is that? Ink and cleaning solvent.
Hello, this is the minister.
Turn off the sound, please.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, minister.
- Your men are here? - Ready and waiting.
- How much have you told them? - Everything.
They are friends.
Completely reliable.
And what about the guard outside? Reliable also.
Please, this printing has to be done by 2:00 this afternoon for shipment to Zinograd.
- You have everything you need? - Yes, Your Excellency.
Then get to work.
Are you staying, minister? These plates never go out of my sight, except when they are in the vault.
Please be seated, gentlemen.
I will tell the minister you are here.
Yes? Oh, I'll be right there.
Rakozny and Sir Malcolm Forrester of the World Monetary Commission have arrived.
Guard, put this in the room next door and bring out the currency that's already there.
Minister, why waste time, moving this into the other room, shifting around like this? Why not use this currency upstairs and send the other to Zinograd? After all, it's all the same.
Take this currency up to my office and load the other currency onto the truck to Zinograd.
Give me the plates.
Take this to the minister's office.
Get me the vault office.
Minister, a call for you.
Yes? What? Oh, premier, how nice to see you again.
- Sir Malcolm.
- This is the Baron Rakozny.
- Baron.
- Premier Roshkoff.
Has the other currency been sent to my office? Yes, minister, a few minutes ago.
- Premier Roshkoff.
- Igor.
I was not informed that you would attend, premier.
No, I changed my plans at the last moment.
Sir Malcolm, shall we proceed? But the baron's man, Yuri Zagar, has already inspected the money.
Must we have another examination? I am sorry, but the rules of the World Monetary Commission require that I at least make a cursory inspection.
It's mere formality.
I am sure you understand.
- That's odd.
- What is, Sir Malcolm? I never knew that King Boris had acquired a blemish on his left cheek.
Are you saying they are counterfeit? I'm afraid so.
I'm afraid there will have to be an investigation.
I assure you, Sir Malcolm, that neither my government nor myself know anything about this.
Oh, I'm sure there was no plot to defraud.
But there will have to be an investigation.
A mere formality.
I hope you understand.
Of course, of course.
I myself will conduct an investigation in this matter.
If you will excuse me, I will see that the gold is ordered back to the Bahkan treasury.
I was thinking of having a little late lunch with the ambassador, premier.
Perhaps you'd care to join us.
Some other time, Sir Malcolm.
You see, I have some very important business to attend to.
I understand.
Goodbye, minister.
Premier, I can explain.
Please, Stravos, I do not want to listen to any lies you just thought up.
But, premier I have only one simple request to ask of you.
But I can explain everything.
You must listen.
Give me a chance.