Modern Love (2019) s01e03 Episode Script
Take Me as I Am, Whoever I Am
1 We face the music together And throw our hats in the ring Facing all kinds of weather And not afraid of anything Hey When the sun comes up, we'll be on our way And we don't care where we land And the waves are high, but we won't turn round 'Cause your hand is in my hand And, oh-oh You make me feel invincible 'Cause it's you and me Through the wind and hail Setting sail into the world.
LEXI: Who am I? - (KEYSTROKES CLICKING) - I'm hard to describe.
I mean, everyone's hard to describe, right, but I'm really hard to describe, because I've got this little thing.
It's a little thing.
Nothing more.
Not like a big thing.
Well it's big-ish.
Depending on the way you look at it.
It's-it's-it's not tiny, but it's not huge.
It's a thing, that's all, but But, but how to tell you about it? Oh! You want to know who I am? Here's who I am.
I'm in a supermarket, years ago, looking for some peaches.
Like, a craving for peaches.
You know the way you wake up sometimes with, like, a crazy, crazy craving for peaches? Well, like that, and I'm shimmering.
But literally shimmering, as I've chosen, as my early-morning supermarket-visit attire, a sequin shirt that I absolutely adore and which I can never find the right occasion for.
It matched my mood.
I was in a really good mood.
Which is kind of the problem.
And then, when I thought my mood couldn't get any better, I spied vegetable counter.
My ostensible search for peaches was in reality a search for adventure.
Maybe even love.
I just didn't know it at the time.
If you can find love in a supermarket early in the morning, you know you can trust it.
No one's here to pull, no one's looking for an easy lay or a one-night stand.
Guys aren't buoyed by Dutch courage or high on cocaine.
Men are the real deal in here.
Plus, if you strike out, you don't have to skulk off into the night, empty-handed like a total loser.
It's a store.
There's still bargains in here.
(SNIFFING) I like mine firm and juicy.
- And no bruises.
- So what are you looking for? I had a hankering for a fruit salad, but, um, not preprepared.
- Like, super fresh, you know? - Right? Because there's so much waste, because you have to buy, like, one of everything, and then, by the time you want fruit salad again, everything's gone off just a little bit.
My conscience won't let me make fruit salad for just me.
Unless, of course, you have a load of kids running around and a wife to help you eat your fruit.
- (BOTH LAUGH) - So, do you have a wife and kids - to help you eat your fruit? - Me? No, no.
- No? - I don't, no.
- Hmm.
Me, neither.
- Ooh.
(LAUGHS) Is that what you're looking for? I guess.
(LAUGHS) Ultimately, uh No, I-I meant the peach.
Oh, the peach.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- (BOTH LAUGH) - Right.
Right.
Yeah.
No, totally came in for peaches.
- Yeah, sure.
(LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS) You, um you okay? (CHUCKLES) You seem sort of crazy energized.
Oh, well, that'll be the 8-ball I took this morning.
(LAUGHING) What? No, I've been up for a couple of nights.
- Like, um like, three nights.
- No way.
- Mm-hmm.
- What, you got, like, a deadline, or something? No.
No, I just Uh, life's just too interesting to sleep sometimes.
- You know what I mean? - Right, right.
- Tell that to bears.
- Mm.
(LAUGHS) It's good to know that other stuff, too, though.
What other stuff? You know, that you want those things.
Kids.
A husband.
Why is that? It's just good to know those things when you're going on a date with someone.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's useful.
So where we going? Anywhere.
With you.
- Really? - Yes.
I mean, you just, like, totally brightened up my day.
I was all, like, tired.
Late night.
Woke up dejected, directionless, and Rita Hayworth walks up to me in the supermarket.
- (BOTH LAUGH) - I mean, come on.
You just don't let stuff like that pass you by in life, unless you're a fool.
- I love you.
- What? I love the way you talk.
I I I love it.
(LAUGHS) Oh.
Thank you.
And, uh, thank you for coming in here today.
You're so welcome.
(CHUCKLES) (JEFF CHUCKLES) So, um, I'll see you Thursday evening.
Perfect.
You know Suddenly, work doesn't seem that interesting to me.
Do you want to you want to grab breakfast? - I just met you.
- You're going on a date with me.
Right, but a date is dinner.
Breakfast is intimate.
It's different.
Breakfast is, like, bed head and tired and gloopy and It's no makeup, bright lights.
- It can go hideously wrong.
- Mm.
- So can dinner.
- That's what alcohol's for.
(LAUGHS) Okay.
Um how about coffee? - I can do coffee.
- Okay.
Um, can I get a scone? No, that's breakfast.
I'll see you Thursday.
(ENGINE STARTS) I just met a man In the peach aisle With a twinkle in his eye Today's world is kind And fabulous Not a cloud up in the sky.
LEXI: Okay, okay, enough.
This isn't La La Land.
I'm happy, but it's still real life.
You get the idea.
(HORNS HONKING, SIREN BLARING) (WHISTLE BLOWING, SIREN BLARING, HORNS HONKING) (WHISTLE BLOWING) (DISTANT PHONES RINGING, KEYBOARD KEYS CLICKING) The I.
P.
File.
- Remind me.
- The rapper suing the boy band.
BOTH: Over the sample they never paid for.
Right.
I know that a rapper is suing a band.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's so topsy-turvy.
They want me on it? - They insist on our new hotshot.
- (LAUGHING): Oh.
- Did they use those words? - Of course.
I was the hotshot until you arrived.
And look at you like a ginger cat who got the cream.
You look like Rita Hayworth.
You're the second person to say that to me today.
- Who said that? - A guy.
- Nice guy? - Very nice.
Where did you meet him? Somewhere late, I presume, because you swanned in here at 10:00 a.
m.
And you look like you haven't been home last night.
Wha ? The supermarket, this morning.
- What? - (CHUCKLING): Mm-hmm.
Who gets a date at the supermarket? Really? I was in cold meats and cheese.
He was in fruit and veg.
- We knew it was love.
- Maybe we can meet this one.
I thought you were seeing that musician guy.
I was.
It wasn't a match.
You're way too choosey.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, uh HR asked me to mention to you.
You missed, like, four days out of 20.
Last month, apparently.
I know.
I know, I know.
(WHISPERS): It's that irritable bowel syndrome.
Really? I'm very sorry to hear that.
It doesn't matter how good you are at your job.
I just can't defend anyone missing days like that to our bosses.
I know.
I'm totally on it.
Okay.
Because I don't want to lose you.
You just got here, and I kind of like you.
I kind of like you, too.
(LAUGHS) Drinks later, you can tell me all about him? - Date.
- Okay.
(SIGHS SOFTLY) LEXI: And this is where the problem starts.
(SNIFFLES, SIGHS) I don't know what kicks it off.
Blood sugar? Chemical? Psychological? Who knows? But it comes like a monster from an old black and white movie, walking, and no matter how fast you run, he keeps up with you.
(SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE) And there's only one place he can't find you.
(WIND WHOOSHING LIGHTLY) (PHONE BUZZING) JEFF: Hello, Lexi? Uh-huh.
It's Jeff.
I was just ringing to confirm your street number.
Uh-huh.
Unless you want to cancel.
I I mean, you still have two minutes.
(CHUCKLES) No.
Come over, yeah.
For the date.
LEXI: So Rita Hayworth got herself a date, huh? (DOORBELL BUZZES) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, hey.
- Hi, Jeff.
- Uh, um - (HEADS BUMP) - (LEXI GRUNTS) JEFF: Oh, shit.
(CHUCKLES): Shit, I'm sorry.
- Um - It's okay.
It's not getting off to a great start.
- You okay? - It's fine.
Uh (CHUCKLES) Oh.
What is that? It's a little wooden carved peach.
Out of ash.
You're a woodturner? No.
I-I'm not a woodturner.
I passed it in a store.
It seemed symbolic.
Oh.
That's sweet.
(SIGHS) (JEFF SNIFFS, EXHALES) Let's go? (HORN HONKING) (CHUCKLES SOFTLY): Okay.
So, uh, where-where do you want to go? I don't care.
Just somewhere casual.
You okay? Hmm? Sure.
(LEXI SIGHS) So, what do you want to eat? Muesli.
That might be hard right now.
It I know a place.
Come on.
- Here you go, Lex.
- Thanks, Cynthia.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (SLURPS) You don't have a twin by any chance? No.
- Thanks so much.
Appreciate it.
- Of course.
(SNIFFS) This was, uh Do you want to get ice cream? Okay.
Sure, yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Cool.
Lying in that lonesome gutter Staring at the stars So, do you want to come up for coffee - or sex or something? - You know what? I'm okay, actually.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I understand.
Yeah.
No, I-I should just leave you to it.
To what? To whatever it is you're doing this evening that's more interesting than this.
You shouldn't feel obliged to do this.
No.
No, no, no, it's not that.
It's I'm not I don't feel ob (SIGHS) Okay, I do feel obliged a little bit, but it's really not what you think.
It's, you know, I've I'm s I'm sick, and, uh (SIGHS) I mean, I've had the flu, and I just, I don't really feel up to much.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Why didn't you say that earlier at You Yeah, yeah.
I'll-I'll sleep it off, and we'll do this again properly, you know? Call me? I'll tell you what, um you call me, if you want.
You have my number.
LEXI: It began in high school.
One day, I wanted to stay in bed.
My parents let me, presumed I was sick, as I couldn't physically pull myself out of bed.
21 days later, I was still there.
Children have an amazing way of dealing with new information.
They don't know certain things aren't the way they're supposed to be.
This is where I figured out the knack for living with this.
I could make up for it with intense bouts of productivity.
I would become a star student.
This is how I could miss 50% of the year by being brilliant the other half.
Follow your dreams! Whoo! (WHOOPING, LAUGHING) Same at Vassar.
Weeks in my dorm not coming out, and then weeks in the library making up for it, getting killer grades.
What is wrong with you? And then moving to New York.
I beat out the competition in numerous firms.
Until, one by one, they all realized my forensic attention to detail, burning off gallons of midnight oil when I'm on a case, simply wouldn't make up for my disastrous attendance records.
Over the course of all this was the countless couches the analysis, the electroshock therapy, the cognitive behavioral therapy, the drug therapy, you name it.
- (ELECTRICAL BUZZING) - (GRUNTING) Meanwhile, I kept employers, family and friends blissfully unaware with excuses, only showing up when I was sure to impress.
This was how life became.
And no one really knew who I was.
(PHONE RINGING) Yes.
Lexi Donohoe.
Absolutely, yes.
I am Uh, uh, by tomorrow? Oh, yeah, I could have it by tomorrow.
Okay, no problem.
But as long as the clouds ultimately passed, I could deal with it.
Uh, speaking of which (BIRDS CHIRPING) (GASPS) A perfect morning.
Birds tweeting outside my window.
The smell of fresh-cut grass.
(SIGHS DEEPLY) (GRUNTING) (LAUGHS) (SIGHS, MOANS) (TAKING DEEP BREATHS) Jeff! Jeff, the nicest man in the world.
Jeff with the loveliest smile and all the potential in life and the promise in one, single human being.
(GASPS) Was 6:30 in the morning too early to call Jeff? (PANTS) No, it's fine.
(RINGTONE PLAYING) Hello? - Jeff? - Yeah? It's Lexi.
Really? Is it too early? It isn't too early, is it? - Tell me it's not too early.
- Too early for what? Breakfast.
This time, you have the muesli, and I'll have the steak.
(CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS QUIETLY) Are you the reverse of everything? Actually, you know what, maybe I am.
(CHUCKLES) Are you okay? What was really up with you the other night? Oh, nothing, nothing.
I was just tired.
I've been crazy busy at work.
That doesn't matter now.
Can I see you tonight? Do you want to have dinner? Go to a movie? Go to a club? I don't know, I just want to see you.
Aw, shit, tonight's kind of tricky.
Um how about Tuesday? Tuesday? Tuesday's a-a lifetime away.
Who even knows if we'll make it to Tuesday? It's tomorrow.
I think we have a good chance.
With you-know-who in power? No, no, no, anything could happen in 24 hours.
Let's just, come on, what's wrong with tonight? (LAUGHS): Okay, okay.
What's so special about tonight? 'Cause I don't want to waste another day of not knowing you.
That's nice.
So, see you tonight? My place? I'll cook? Okay.
Okay.
Bye.
I don't know about you, but when I'm in this kind of mood, it's like I'm in the title sequence from my own TV show.
Lexington Avenue Wind in your hair The city is calling your name (WHISPERED): Lexi Jazz and rock music In Washington Square If you were ever doubting That you could climb a mountain Now's your time Lexi, Lexi, Lexi girl - New York is your own town - (TIRES SCREECH) Lexi, Lexi, Lexi girl - Are you up or are you - Wow.
Down ? How are you doing today, Lexi? Up or down? What do you think, Alec? (LAUGHS) Wow.
- It's a beautiful world - Beautiful world - For a bipolar girl - Bipolar girl It's a beautiful world Bi, bi, bipolar girl For a bipolar girl Bi, bi, bi You're a bipolar girl.
Ooh.
I got to clean the bipolar out of this place.
When they had the earthquake In San Francisco Back in 1906 They said that ol' Mother Nature Was up to her old tricks LEXI: Here was pure joy.
Hollywood at its absolute, shameless best.
Every hair in place.
Every move a picture.
Not a step wrong.
Then I remembered an oft quoted line by Rita Hayworth: "Every man I knew went to bed with Gilda - and woke up with me.
" - She started to shim and shake And I felt very sad.
That brought on the Frisco quake So you can put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame On Mame.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) (SHUDDERING BREATHS) Please.
(DOORBELL BUZZES) (INHALES SHARPLY) (EXHALES) Come on.
Come on.
(GASPS) (DOORBELL BUZZING) (SOBBING) Come on.
(SNIFFS) Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
(DOORBELL BUZZING) (TREMBLING BREATHS) (GASPING) (CRYING) (SOBBING) And there it is.
The silence.
The sickening silence of another man walking out of my life before getting past the porch door.
A silence of my own making.
Like a jealous, crazy mother shooing teenagers from her doorstep with her daughter locked upstairs.
Would he have stayed? Jeff? If he had known? If I came clean that time in the supermarket and said, "Oh, by the way, I'm bipolar.
I'm dealing with it.
Will you?" Would he have run for the hills or the frozen food section with an "okeydokey" and a polite smile? Here was a man who didn't want his peaches bruised.
How would he deal with a damaged psyche? Please come back, don't come back.
Please come back, don't come back.
Please come back.
And then, lying there, with a perfectly sweet, beautiful man walking away from my door (SOBBING) something told me this had to stop.
Not the illness that'll never stop but-but not giving people a chance to make up their own mind about me.
To giving them at least some cards in the game.
Surely, there's someone out there who will take me for who I am.
One human being who accepts the two people in you.
You can't show only one part of yourself to someone.
That's Hollywood.
That's Gilda.
And it's beautiful but it can't last.
(PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE) Hey.
Wait up.
Weren't you gonna say goodbye? Of course.
I ju you know, I (WHISPERING): I just didn't want to make a big deal about it.
Hey, I'm sorry the decision didn't go your way.
I'm gonna be lost without you here.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Uh I like moving on anyway.
Someplace new; it's exciting.
Can we get coffee? Yeah, sure, of course.
Okay.
One second.
Oh, you meant now.
So where you gonna go? I don't know.
Um, I have some savings, so I don't need to find a job right away, but, uh, I might take some time off, maybe do some traveling.
With your supermarket boy? How's that going, by the way? Oh, uh, that didn't take.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
You really get through them, don't you? I guess it looks like that.
Well, I guess you're only young once.
I'm bipolar.
Really? Yes.
I have been since I was 15.
How come you never told me? (LAUGHS) Come on, who wants to hire someone with a mental illness in entertainment law? Aren't we crazy enough? (LEXI INHALES SHARPLY) Sorry.
So why are you telling me now? Because you're more than work.
And you should know what you're dealing with if we're gonna see each other outside of the office.
Which I would like.
But I have incredibly low periods.
So low that I can barely move.
I am impossible to be around.
I, uh, can barely answer the phone.
I'm totally unreliable as a friend in fact, in some ways, I'm probably the worst friend you could ever have.
- Uh, I don't check a single box.
- (PHONE RINGING) I have a meeting five minutes ago.
- Okay.
- Phyllis? Hey.
Those guys from admin in my office, tell them we have to cancel today.
I'll see them tomorrow.
Yeah, I know, tell them I'm really sorry.
You want to get lunch? Mm-hmm.
Can we get a menu? (SYLVIA SIGHS) So where are you right now, mood-wise? I'm coming off of a low.
Tonight I'll be pretty manic.
You're the first person I've ever told about this.
How does it feel telling me? (CRYING): Like like an elephant's taken one of its feet off my chest.
(CRYING) (SOBBING) I'm so glad you've told me.
- (SOBBING) - It explains so much.
- (GASPING) - If anything, not knowing made it a little difficult to connect with you fully, the way I would have wanted.
So you want to get a drink sometime? (SNIFFLES) You want to go to the movies? You want to see people? All of the above.
You are the most fun I've ever been around.
I'm not letting that go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(LEXI SOBBING) LEXI: It's amazing what trusting one true friend in your life can do.
Once I told Sylvia, it seemed like the cat was out of the bag.
I rang old boyfriends from over the years, colleagues I had just stopped calling for no reason.
I felt almost proud of my condition.
It turns out I'm bipolar.
It was cathartic, strangely healing, how forgiving and understanding they were.
And how little credit I had given so many people.
And I promised myself no person would not know the full story of me.
The good, the bad Oh, my gosh, that's unbelievable.
and the mad.
How's she doing? Jeff was a couple years ago.
Two long years since, of searching for just the right doctor and just the right dose.
I know there's no cure for the chemical imbalance in my brain, any more than there's a cure for love.
But there is a little yellow pill I'm very fond of, and a pale blue one, and some pretty pink capsules, and a handful of other colors that have turned my life around.
I have moods, but (CHUCKLES) they don't send me spinning into an alternate persona.
And I'm back in the dating circle.
Obviously, seeing as how you're reading this.
I thought about Tinder, but then I just settled for the old-fashioned Web dating service.
And so here I am.
This is me.
If this doesn't scare you off, then feel free to leave me a message.
(GRUNTS) (GROANS) Take a cup and a half of sunbeams Throw them into a deep blue sky Add a couple of drops of love dreams And make a dose of happiness pie Take a spoonful of pleasant weather Any June day will qualify Stir the mixture all up together And make a dose of happiness pie Remember four and twenty blackbirds One day we'll bake into a pie But just forget about the blackbirds With the bluebirds so close by Have a feeling of hugs and kisses With a sweet tooth to satisfy Oh, you don't know what
LEXI: Who am I? - (KEYSTROKES CLICKING) - I'm hard to describe.
I mean, everyone's hard to describe, right, but I'm really hard to describe, because I've got this little thing.
It's a little thing.
Nothing more.
Not like a big thing.
Well it's big-ish.
Depending on the way you look at it.
It's-it's-it's not tiny, but it's not huge.
It's a thing, that's all, but But, but how to tell you about it? Oh! You want to know who I am? Here's who I am.
I'm in a supermarket, years ago, looking for some peaches.
Like, a craving for peaches.
You know the way you wake up sometimes with, like, a crazy, crazy craving for peaches? Well, like that, and I'm shimmering.
But literally shimmering, as I've chosen, as my early-morning supermarket-visit attire, a sequin shirt that I absolutely adore and which I can never find the right occasion for.
It matched my mood.
I was in a really good mood.
Which is kind of the problem.
And then, when I thought my mood couldn't get any better, I spied vegetable counter.
My ostensible search for peaches was in reality a search for adventure.
Maybe even love.
I just didn't know it at the time.
If you can find love in a supermarket early in the morning, you know you can trust it.
No one's here to pull, no one's looking for an easy lay or a one-night stand.
Guys aren't buoyed by Dutch courage or high on cocaine.
Men are the real deal in here.
Plus, if you strike out, you don't have to skulk off into the night, empty-handed like a total loser.
It's a store.
There's still bargains in here.
(SNIFFING) I like mine firm and juicy.
- And no bruises.
- So what are you looking for? I had a hankering for a fruit salad, but, um, not preprepared.
- Like, super fresh, you know? - Right? Because there's so much waste, because you have to buy, like, one of everything, and then, by the time you want fruit salad again, everything's gone off just a little bit.
My conscience won't let me make fruit salad for just me.
Unless, of course, you have a load of kids running around and a wife to help you eat your fruit.
- (BOTH LAUGH) - So, do you have a wife and kids - to help you eat your fruit? - Me? No, no.
- No? - I don't, no.
- Hmm.
Me, neither.
- Ooh.
(LAUGHS) Is that what you're looking for? I guess.
(LAUGHS) Ultimately, uh No, I-I meant the peach.
Oh, the peach.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- (BOTH LAUGH) - Right.
Right.
Yeah.
No, totally came in for peaches.
- Yeah, sure.
(LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS) You, um you okay? (CHUCKLES) You seem sort of crazy energized.
Oh, well, that'll be the 8-ball I took this morning.
(LAUGHING) What? No, I've been up for a couple of nights.
- Like, um like, three nights.
- No way.
- Mm-hmm.
- What, you got, like, a deadline, or something? No.
No, I just Uh, life's just too interesting to sleep sometimes.
- You know what I mean? - Right, right.
- Tell that to bears.
- Mm.
(LAUGHS) It's good to know that other stuff, too, though.
What other stuff? You know, that you want those things.
Kids.
A husband.
Why is that? It's just good to know those things when you're going on a date with someone.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's useful.
So where we going? Anywhere.
With you.
- Really? - Yes.
I mean, you just, like, totally brightened up my day.
I was all, like, tired.
Late night.
Woke up dejected, directionless, and Rita Hayworth walks up to me in the supermarket.
- (BOTH LAUGH) - I mean, come on.
You just don't let stuff like that pass you by in life, unless you're a fool.
- I love you.
- What? I love the way you talk.
I I I love it.
(LAUGHS) Oh.
Thank you.
And, uh, thank you for coming in here today.
You're so welcome.
(CHUCKLES) (JEFF CHUCKLES) So, um, I'll see you Thursday evening.
Perfect.
You know Suddenly, work doesn't seem that interesting to me.
Do you want to you want to grab breakfast? - I just met you.
- You're going on a date with me.
Right, but a date is dinner.
Breakfast is intimate.
It's different.
Breakfast is, like, bed head and tired and gloopy and It's no makeup, bright lights.
- It can go hideously wrong.
- Mm.
- So can dinner.
- That's what alcohol's for.
(LAUGHS) Okay.
Um how about coffee? - I can do coffee.
- Okay.
Um, can I get a scone? No, that's breakfast.
I'll see you Thursday.
(ENGINE STARTS) I just met a man In the peach aisle With a twinkle in his eye Today's world is kind And fabulous Not a cloud up in the sky.
LEXI: Okay, okay, enough.
This isn't La La Land.
I'm happy, but it's still real life.
You get the idea.
(HORNS HONKING, SIREN BLARING) (WHISTLE BLOWING, SIREN BLARING, HORNS HONKING) (WHISTLE BLOWING) (DISTANT PHONES RINGING, KEYBOARD KEYS CLICKING) The I.
P.
File.
- Remind me.
- The rapper suing the boy band.
BOTH: Over the sample they never paid for.
Right.
I know that a rapper is suing a band.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's so topsy-turvy.
They want me on it? - They insist on our new hotshot.
- (LAUGHING): Oh.
- Did they use those words? - Of course.
I was the hotshot until you arrived.
And look at you like a ginger cat who got the cream.
You look like Rita Hayworth.
You're the second person to say that to me today.
- Who said that? - A guy.
- Nice guy? - Very nice.
Where did you meet him? Somewhere late, I presume, because you swanned in here at 10:00 a.
m.
And you look like you haven't been home last night.
Wha ? The supermarket, this morning.
- What? - (CHUCKLING): Mm-hmm.
Who gets a date at the supermarket? Really? I was in cold meats and cheese.
He was in fruit and veg.
- We knew it was love.
- Maybe we can meet this one.
I thought you were seeing that musician guy.
I was.
It wasn't a match.
You're way too choosey.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, uh HR asked me to mention to you.
You missed, like, four days out of 20.
Last month, apparently.
I know.
I know, I know.
(WHISPERS): It's that irritable bowel syndrome.
Really? I'm very sorry to hear that.
It doesn't matter how good you are at your job.
I just can't defend anyone missing days like that to our bosses.
I know.
I'm totally on it.
Okay.
Because I don't want to lose you.
You just got here, and I kind of like you.
I kind of like you, too.
(LAUGHS) Drinks later, you can tell me all about him? - Date.
- Okay.
(SIGHS SOFTLY) LEXI: And this is where the problem starts.
(SNIFFLES, SIGHS) I don't know what kicks it off.
Blood sugar? Chemical? Psychological? Who knows? But it comes like a monster from an old black and white movie, walking, and no matter how fast you run, he keeps up with you.
(SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE) And there's only one place he can't find you.
(WIND WHOOSHING LIGHTLY) (PHONE BUZZING) JEFF: Hello, Lexi? Uh-huh.
It's Jeff.
I was just ringing to confirm your street number.
Uh-huh.
Unless you want to cancel.
I I mean, you still have two minutes.
(CHUCKLES) No.
Come over, yeah.
For the date.
LEXI: So Rita Hayworth got herself a date, huh? (DOORBELL BUZZES) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, hey.
- Hi, Jeff.
- Uh, um - (HEADS BUMP) - (LEXI GRUNTS) JEFF: Oh, shit.
(CHUCKLES): Shit, I'm sorry.
- Um - It's okay.
It's not getting off to a great start.
- You okay? - It's fine.
Uh (CHUCKLES) Oh.
What is that? It's a little wooden carved peach.
Out of ash.
You're a woodturner? No.
I-I'm not a woodturner.
I passed it in a store.
It seemed symbolic.
Oh.
That's sweet.
(SIGHS) (JEFF SNIFFS, EXHALES) Let's go? (HORN HONKING) (CHUCKLES SOFTLY): Okay.
So, uh, where-where do you want to go? I don't care.
Just somewhere casual.
You okay? Hmm? Sure.
(LEXI SIGHS) So, what do you want to eat? Muesli.
That might be hard right now.
It I know a place.
Come on.
- Here you go, Lex.
- Thanks, Cynthia.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (SLURPS) You don't have a twin by any chance? No.
- Thanks so much.
Appreciate it.
- Of course.
(SNIFFS) This was, uh Do you want to get ice cream? Okay.
Sure, yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Cool.
Lying in that lonesome gutter Staring at the stars So, do you want to come up for coffee - or sex or something? - You know what? I'm okay, actually.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I understand.
Yeah.
No, I-I should just leave you to it.
To what? To whatever it is you're doing this evening that's more interesting than this.
You shouldn't feel obliged to do this.
No.
No, no, no, it's not that.
It's I'm not I don't feel ob (SIGHS) Okay, I do feel obliged a little bit, but it's really not what you think.
It's, you know, I've I'm s I'm sick, and, uh (SIGHS) I mean, I've had the flu, and I just, I don't really feel up to much.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Why didn't you say that earlier at You Yeah, yeah.
I'll-I'll sleep it off, and we'll do this again properly, you know? Call me? I'll tell you what, um you call me, if you want.
You have my number.
LEXI: It began in high school.
One day, I wanted to stay in bed.
My parents let me, presumed I was sick, as I couldn't physically pull myself out of bed.
21 days later, I was still there.
Children have an amazing way of dealing with new information.
They don't know certain things aren't the way they're supposed to be.
This is where I figured out the knack for living with this.
I could make up for it with intense bouts of productivity.
I would become a star student.
This is how I could miss 50% of the year by being brilliant the other half.
Follow your dreams! Whoo! (WHOOPING, LAUGHING) Same at Vassar.
Weeks in my dorm not coming out, and then weeks in the library making up for it, getting killer grades.
What is wrong with you? And then moving to New York.
I beat out the competition in numerous firms.
Until, one by one, they all realized my forensic attention to detail, burning off gallons of midnight oil when I'm on a case, simply wouldn't make up for my disastrous attendance records.
Over the course of all this was the countless couches the analysis, the electroshock therapy, the cognitive behavioral therapy, the drug therapy, you name it.
- (ELECTRICAL BUZZING) - (GRUNTING) Meanwhile, I kept employers, family and friends blissfully unaware with excuses, only showing up when I was sure to impress.
This was how life became.
And no one really knew who I was.
(PHONE RINGING) Yes.
Lexi Donohoe.
Absolutely, yes.
I am Uh, uh, by tomorrow? Oh, yeah, I could have it by tomorrow.
Okay, no problem.
But as long as the clouds ultimately passed, I could deal with it.
Uh, speaking of which (BIRDS CHIRPING) (GASPS) A perfect morning.
Birds tweeting outside my window.
The smell of fresh-cut grass.
(SIGHS DEEPLY) (GRUNTING) (LAUGHS) (SIGHS, MOANS) (TAKING DEEP BREATHS) Jeff! Jeff, the nicest man in the world.
Jeff with the loveliest smile and all the potential in life and the promise in one, single human being.
(GASPS) Was 6:30 in the morning too early to call Jeff? (PANTS) No, it's fine.
(RINGTONE PLAYING) Hello? - Jeff? - Yeah? It's Lexi.
Really? Is it too early? It isn't too early, is it? - Tell me it's not too early.
- Too early for what? Breakfast.
This time, you have the muesli, and I'll have the steak.
(CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS QUIETLY) Are you the reverse of everything? Actually, you know what, maybe I am.
(CHUCKLES) Are you okay? What was really up with you the other night? Oh, nothing, nothing.
I was just tired.
I've been crazy busy at work.
That doesn't matter now.
Can I see you tonight? Do you want to have dinner? Go to a movie? Go to a club? I don't know, I just want to see you.
Aw, shit, tonight's kind of tricky.
Um how about Tuesday? Tuesday? Tuesday's a-a lifetime away.
Who even knows if we'll make it to Tuesday? It's tomorrow.
I think we have a good chance.
With you-know-who in power? No, no, no, anything could happen in 24 hours.
Let's just, come on, what's wrong with tonight? (LAUGHS): Okay, okay.
What's so special about tonight? 'Cause I don't want to waste another day of not knowing you.
That's nice.
So, see you tonight? My place? I'll cook? Okay.
Okay.
Bye.
I don't know about you, but when I'm in this kind of mood, it's like I'm in the title sequence from my own TV show.
Lexington Avenue Wind in your hair The city is calling your name (WHISPERED): Lexi Jazz and rock music In Washington Square If you were ever doubting That you could climb a mountain Now's your time Lexi, Lexi, Lexi girl - New York is your own town - (TIRES SCREECH) Lexi, Lexi, Lexi girl - Are you up or are you - Wow.
Down ? How are you doing today, Lexi? Up or down? What do you think, Alec? (LAUGHS) Wow.
- It's a beautiful world - Beautiful world - For a bipolar girl - Bipolar girl It's a beautiful world Bi, bi, bipolar girl For a bipolar girl Bi, bi, bi You're a bipolar girl.
Ooh.
I got to clean the bipolar out of this place.
When they had the earthquake In San Francisco Back in 1906 They said that ol' Mother Nature Was up to her old tricks LEXI: Here was pure joy.
Hollywood at its absolute, shameless best.
Every hair in place.
Every move a picture.
Not a step wrong.
Then I remembered an oft quoted line by Rita Hayworth: "Every man I knew went to bed with Gilda - and woke up with me.
" - She started to shim and shake And I felt very sad.
That brought on the Frisco quake So you can put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame On Mame.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) (SHUDDERING BREATHS) Please.
(DOORBELL BUZZES) (INHALES SHARPLY) (EXHALES) Come on.
Come on.
(GASPS) (DOORBELL BUZZING) (SOBBING) Come on.
(SNIFFS) Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
(DOORBELL BUZZING) (TREMBLING BREATHS) (GASPING) (CRYING) (SOBBING) And there it is.
The silence.
The sickening silence of another man walking out of my life before getting past the porch door.
A silence of my own making.
Like a jealous, crazy mother shooing teenagers from her doorstep with her daughter locked upstairs.
Would he have stayed? Jeff? If he had known? If I came clean that time in the supermarket and said, "Oh, by the way, I'm bipolar.
I'm dealing with it.
Will you?" Would he have run for the hills or the frozen food section with an "okeydokey" and a polite smile? Here was a man who didn't want his peaches bruised.
How would he deal with a damaged psyche? Please come back, don't come back.
Please come back, don't come back.
Please come back.
And then, lying there, with a perfectly sweet, beautiful man walking away from my door (SOBBING) something told me this had to stop.
Not the illness that'll never stop but-but not giving people a chance to make up their own mind about me.
To giving them at least some cards in the game.
Surely, there's someone out there who will take me for who I am.
One human being who accepts the two people in you.
You can't show only one part of yourself to someone.
That's Hollywood.
That's Gilda.
And it's beautiful but it can't last.
(PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE) Hey.
Wait up.
Weren't you gonna say goodbye? Of course.
I ju you know, I (WHISPERING): I just didn't want to make a big deal about it.
Hey, I'm sorry the decision didn't go your way.
I'm gonna be lost without you here.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Uh I like moving on anyway.
Someplace new; it's exciting.
Can we get coffee? Yeah, sure, of course.
Okay.
One second.
Oh, you meant now.
So where you gonna go? I don't know.
Um, I have some savings, so I don't need to find a job right away, but, uh, I might take some time off, maybe do some traveling.
With your supermarket boy? How's that going, by the way? Oh, uh, that didn't take.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
You really get through them, don't you? I guess it looks like that.
Well, I guess you're only young once.
I'm bipolar.
Really? Yes.
I have been since I was 15.
How come you never told me? (LAUGHS) Come on, who wants to hire someone with a mental illness in entertainment law? Aren't we crazy enough? (LEXI INHALES SHARPLY) Sorry.
So why are you telling me now? Because you're more than work.
And you should know what you're dealing with if we're gonna see each other outside of the office.
Which I would like.
But I have incredibly low periods.
So low that I can barely move.
I am impossible to be around.
I, uh, can barely answer the phone.
I'm totally unreliable as a friend in fact, in some ways, I'm probably the worst friend you could ever have.
- Uh, I don't check a single box.
- (PHONE RINGING) I have a meeting five minutes ago.
- Okay.
- Phyllis? Hey.
Those guys from admin in my office, tell them we have to cancel today.
I'll see them tomorrow.
Yeah, I know, tell them I'm really sorry.
You want to get lunch? Mm-hmm.
Can we get a menu? (SYLVIA SIGHS) So where are you right now, mood-wise? I'm coming off of a low.
Tonight I'll be pretty manic.
You're the first person I've ever told about this.
How does it feel telling me? (CRYING): Like like an elephant's taken one of its feet off my chest.
(CRYING) (SOBBING) I'm so glad you've told me.
- (SOBBING) - It explains so much.
- (GASPING) - If anything, not knowing made it a little difficult to connect with you fully, the way I would have wanted.
So you want to get a drink sometime? (SNIFFLES) You want to go to the movies? You want to see people? All of the above.
You are the most fun I've ever been around.
I'm not letting that go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(LEXI SOBBING) LEXI: It's amazing what trusting one true friend in your life can do.
Once I told Sylvia, it seemed like the cat was out of the bag.
I rang old boyfriends from over the years, colleagues I had just stopped calling for no reason.
I felt almost proud of my condition.
It turns out I'm bipolar.
It was cathartic, strangely healing, how forgiving and understanding they were.
And how little credit I had given so many people.
And I promised myself no person would not know the full story of me.
The good, the bad Oh, my gosh, that's unbelievable.
and the mad.
How's she doing? Jeff was a couple years ago.
Two long years since, of searching for just the right doctor and just the right dose.
I know there's no cure for the chemical imbalance in my brain, any more than there's a cure for love.
But there is a little yellow pill I'm very fond of, and a pale blue one, and some pretty pink capsules, and a handful of other colors that have turned my life around.
I have moods, but (CHUCKLES) they don't send me spinning into an alternate persona.
And I'm back in the dating circle.
Obviously, seeing as how you're reading this.
I thought about Tinder, but then I just settled for the old-fashioned Web dating service.
And so here I am.
This is me.
If this doesn't scare you off, then feel free to leave me a message.
(GRUNTS) (GROANS) Take a cup and a half of sunbeams Throw them into a deep blue sky Add a couple of drops of love dreams And make a dose of happiness pie Take a spoonful of pleasant weather Any June day will qualify Stir the mixture all up together And make a dose of happiness pie Remember four and twenty blackbirds One day we'll bake into a pie But just forget about the blackbirds With the bluebirds so close by Have a feeling of hugs and kisses With a sweet tooth to satisfy Oh, you don't know what