Momma Named Me Sheriff (2019) s01e06 Episode Script


1 Well, goodnight, fellas.
Man, you lucky you ain't gotta work the night shift, yo! Yeah, you don't gotta watch the night shift.
- Uh, go back to sleep, Hank.
- Uhh.
Hey, Goodman? What TV show are you gonna watch when you get home, playa? I don't watch TV.
- What?! - What?! But there's so many shows to watch.
Yeah, like "Nannies with fat fannies.
" - "Deadbeat shark dads.
" - "Buns 'n' Guns.
" Oh, yeah! Girls packing heat - And baking treats.
- " And baking treats.
" - Yeah, Sheriff knows what's up.
- Yeah, I'm pretty cool.
Well, at my house, me and my family have better things to do.
Hey, Sheriff? How about you let me get a gun, yo? - No.
- Man! Oh.
- Hey, I'm home! - Hi, dear.
Beverly? I bought a new TV.
Oh No.
Sir, Astronaut Dolphin Detective stopped the giant space jellyfish from stinging all the martians to death, but now he's having a three-way with the jellyfish and your wife! Damn that damn dolphin! can we please turn this off? Get off of me, Mrs.
How about we have some quality family time? Well, smartie TV has lots of shows we can enjoy as a family.
Hey, smartie? Play "Fat 'n' Stuck.
" Uh! I'm fat And Stuck! Oh, this is garbage.
Say, it's a great night for stargazing.
If you wanna see a star, dad, just look at me.
I'm gonna be an actor, like "Ninja Junkie"! Yeah! Tommy, being an actor is an unrealistic career choice.
Well, how about "Crackhead Lawyer Prostitute"? Playing "Crackhead Lawyer Prostitute".
No! I can get you off of those charges.
But if you have some crack, I'll get you off right now! Enough! First thing tomorrow, we're all going on a hike to spend some quality family time in nature! Try to divide me and my family.
Ha! Who's the smartie now, you dumb TV? Ha! Aah! What the hell? Oh, my god.
Entertain me! Aah! I'm sayin', if I had a gun, - I'd be like, brr, blap, blap, blap! - No, Herman.
- Dispatchers don't get guns.
- Yo, man, this sucks.
I wish I was home watching TV.
Will you two shut up? I'm trying to watch TV in here.
Hold up, son, you got a TV? Ohh! Hey, where is it? Damn, yo.
Okay, bye.
Oh! People don't hurt me again gah! Not entertaining.
I tried.
I I don't know how to juggle.
- Stanley? - What? Uh, everybody, go back upstairs now! Oh, good.
Some new entertainment.
- Dad?! - What is going on? Entertain me, old man.
Huh? Aah! I'm just your cutie pie Coochie coochie coo I'm just a sweet, old guy Smoochie smoochie-oo Man, come on, Sheriff! If you give me that gun, I could blast that lock off, fool! That'd be too dangerous.
The ricochet could kill us.
- Rico-what? - The rico say.
That gives me an idea.
If I shoot so it ricochets at just the right angle, I could hit the emergency cell release button.
Damn, Sheriff.
You the man if you do that, yo.
I know, I know.
Now, quiet.
Shpow! - Huh? - We 'bout to die! Uh-oh.
Whee! Ta-da! - Psst! Hey, grandpa? - What? Shh.
I'm gonna go upstairs and get my gun.
Yeah, the gun.
Get it.
Where is it? - Looking for this? - Aah! You were trying to kill me, weren't you? No, I I Say, uh, do you like magic? No.
I love it.
Well, now you see me, now you don't! Run, Stanley! Run! Go get help! Entertain me! Aah! Time to top you off, Ingmar! Uh Aah! Oh, they killed off Ingmar.
Get back here! Aah! How 'bout a subscription to this? Aah! - Get off of me! - No! Put me down! Then entertain me! I'm dead.
Huh? What's happening? Hey, the gosh is going on with my TV? Entertain me! What? We're not done! Entertain me! Yo, please, Sheriff.
- Let me get that gun, for real! - No! No! No.
Herman, I got it this time.
All I gotta do is throw the gun around the corner and hit the emergency cell release button.
What?! No! Aah! Sheriff! Please don't die on me! I love you! Get off me! Damn, you almost got shot in the heart, but the badge saved you, yo! - No, I got shot in the leg.
- Oh.
But I remembered where I keep my spare key.
Now, let's disarm that bomb and go watch some TV.
That's what's up.
Entertain us! What the hell? Hey, more humans to entertain us! - Run, yo! - Get them! Entertain us! - Where did they go? - I don't know.
- Entertain us! - Entertain us! - So, what now? - Keep your voices down.
Look, all the smart TVs in town are alive and forcing people to entertain them.
Well, let's shoot 'em up, then, yo! Ay, Sheriff?! Let me get that gun, baby! - Herman, no! - Quiet! Besides, I got something better.
Yeah, Sheriff! You brought the bomb?! No, that's too dangerous.
People would get hurt.
We'd have to lure them out of town.
Let's just do that, then.
It's impossible.
The TVs, they're too smart.
Well, what are we gonna do, then? Just sit around all day in this stank-ass trash? Well, I don't Hmm.
Entertain us! Not entertaining! - Boring! - I love it! Stay in tune, Carl! What's wrong with your legs? Gross! Who are you? Oh, I'm, uh, just another TV here.
I come with a face and And feet and arms, but I'm definitely a TV.
You're voice sounds familiar.
Have we met before? Me? Uh, no.
I just moved here.
Oh, okay.
Want to watch football? Go long! Oh, I don't watch humans.
Hey, guys? This TV doesn't watch humans.
- What? - No way.
- He doesn't watch humans? - That makes no sense.
What do you do for entertainment, then? Well, there's nothing I like better than nature.
- Boo! - Nature? Did he say nature? Nature sounds boring.
Ah, fresh air, mountain streams, old-growth forest.
Yes, sir, give me some of that.
Say, I'm gonna take a hike up the mountain if any of you TVs want to come, hmm? Hmm.
Ehh, I don't know.
Okay, but you've haven't lived, until you've seen the sunset from look-over peak.
It's To die for.
There's a place where my tears fail Where my thoughts often go Wow.
Yay! Ha-ha! In the great smoky mountains Look! Near a place called cate's cove So gentle.
And up in those mountains Ahh, a summer rain.
Ahh! Spinning with joy.
- Ahh.
- I feel so connected.
See? Isn't this wonderful? He's a human! - Uh, I can explain.
- Shh! It's okay.
You showed us what it means to truly live.
Spending quality time in nature, well, now, that's real entertainment.
That means a lot.
Hey, guys? Hurry up.
- The sun's setting.
- Yay! Oh, boy! - Let's go! - Oh, goodie! No, wait! TVs, wait! Come back! Oh, wow.
A rainbow sunset.
It's glorious! No! No! No! The bomb! Sheriff, Herman, they're my friends now! - Abort! - Goodman, no! Get out of there, yo! Noooo! Want some more, baby?! Ow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Whoa! For real, yo?! Yeah, son! Take that, yo! And that! Die TV bitches! ohh! No! What have I done to you?! Goodman, help me! Move, Goodman! Let me kill that TV! What? No! Come on! Hyah! That TV taking Goodman hostage, yo! We're gonna make it! Whoa! You saved me.
Now, look We don't have much time.
There's a road about a mile that way.
Leave and don't ever come back.
But you are my family.
I don't want to lose you.
It's okay.
Where will you go? Maybe Hollywood? It sounds silly, but I've always wanted to be an actor.
Oh, an actor.
Well, I don't think that really Over here! They went this way! Yo, I'm gonna kill that TV! Go! Go and follow your dreams! Okay! TV Huh? I'll never forget you.
Goodman, you okay? I am.
I am.
All right, everybody.
It's almost time for smartie TV's acting debut.
- Yay! - I'm so excited! Everybody, it's smartie TV! Hey, we're just about to watch the show.
Yeah, about that My part got moved to next week.
Our own TV a big Hollywood entertainer now.
We're so proud.
Anyway, I've got to go do some entertainment right now.
Please, may I have some more junk? TV needs the juice.
You gonna entertain us some more? Want to watch me suck my own cable? That TV's a star.
I'm A Star.