Monarch Of The Glen (2000) s02e04 Episode Script
Series 2, Episode 4
Ahh mine, I think.
Just get dirty magazines, Hector? Huh! At your age! Please! Good morning, Archie.
( theme music playing ) It's from Lizzie.
Is she coming up? I'm sure my sister has better things to do than rush up here just because it's my birthday.
Archie, it's not just any birthday.
It's a special birthday.
I just wish everyone would forget about it- I want to.
And what about you, father? Isn't this your cue for a special speech? - What speech is that, lad? - The same speech we've heard every day this week.
The one that goes, "when I was your age, I'd liberated europe from the hun and sired half a polo team.
" Archie, you're a grown man.
You don't need me interfering in your future.
Right.
That's settled then.
No fuss.
Both: No fuss.
Good.
Gather the troops, Lexie.
Boathouse, five minutes.
Ahh Duncan: It's just that I thought I'd have more responsibility.
Did you? I mean, assistant head ranger I'm still just a skivvy! Will you change the record! It's Archie's ear you should be bending, not mine.
Aye, and maybe he doesn't think I'm up to it.
Duncan, you'll never know unless you ask.
Report for duty.
What duty? Children's party detail.
Archie: You've done a great job setting up the nature trail, Fergal.
Fergal: It'll be good to try it out, before the paying punters start turning up.
Yeah, that's fine by me.
Cool.
I'll tell Katrina.
Katrina? Yeah.
She said the kids would love to see around the estate.
You're seeing quite a lot of her, aren't you? Ha! Not as much as I'd like to.
No need to wait.
Now, we need to find the fairy lights, the streamers- and there's a banner around the house somewhere.
We have to move quickly, 'cause Archie's going to move all this stuff out today so the contractors can move in.
Hey ha ha! Look at this.
Here.
( Molly laughing ) What a party that was! Rained all day, but we still had the most wonderful time.
Remember, Golly? I remember a young lassie eating too much cake and throwing up into the fruit punch.
Wee Jamie, he- oh, it's all right.
You can talk about Jamie.
I wish people would talk about him more.
Aww this was his.
It's funny.
Something about the sound of children I remember most.
Shouting, arguing, giggling, laughing.
All just seemed to say life is wonderful.
Oh, Hector used to love racing these with the boys.
This house was so full of joy.
Then it's time it was again.
We can start with Archie's party tomorrow.
It'll be the best MacDonald birthday party in the history of Both: MacDonald birthday parties.
Hector: Well, of course, old chap, why not? Pop over today.
Shall we say at 4:00? Excellent.
Thanks for ringing.
Archie will hit the roof when he sees this! He'll thank me for it later on.
We've got to get him hitched! Good lord, by the time I was 30, I had three children! I know.
I was there.
Of course you were.
He's got to live up to his responsibility- - ( rings ) - Hello.
Oh, hello, your lordship.
Yes yea- of course you can bring your daughter over to meet the laird.
Yes, absolutely delighted.
Ha ha ha! Yes, bye, your lordship.
( huffs ) Katrina: You know, I could've saved you a trip.
I've got to go up to the big house later to pay my rent and tug my forelock.
I wanted to tell you the good news straightaway.
Kids'll have a great time tomorrow.
Yeah.
Thanks.
And you know I think you deserve a reward.
Oh? And what did you have in mind? Hmm coffee? Well, I've a million things to do.
You can thank me another time.
Without MI5 observing us.
- If you'd just wait in here? Thanks.
- Thank you.
Molly? Come here.
Come see this.
You're never gonna believe this.
Look they're all queueing up in here.
What? Oh! Go get Archie immediately.
Right.
Archie I was wondering as assistant head ranger I was think- I was hoping that I'd get to be showing some of the trekking parties around.
Forget it.
Bad idea.
No, it's a good idea.
You know the place as well as anyone.
I'll talk to Fergal about it.
Right! Thanks! I won't let you down.
Arch, Hector wants to see you in the ballroom, matter of extreme urgency.
Thank you, Alexandra.
( clock striking ) - Lovely to see you again, Gordon.
- You too, old chap.
Molly: The, um the last time that we saw you, the girls were how old? - Both: 12.
- ( giggling ) That'll be all, Lexie.
( laughs pleasantly ) So, um wh-what do you do these days? What do you mean? Why don't I show you around the house, Gordon? Lexie: Just because you've got some fancy new title- assistant head ranger, with special responsibilities for guided tours! Doesn't give you the right to take food without asking.
I told you- I didn't! So that salmon just uncooked itself, and swam away, did it? Golly: How long has food been going missing? A couple of days now.
And I know this is premature but we may as well get it out of the way.
- I'd prefer July.
- But September would suit me better.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
For a wedding.
For a- just what is going on here? Your father says here you'd be anxious to do it before the year is out.
Sorry, it's all been a mistake.
Mistake? I am not up for auction, thank you.
Goodbye.
Father! Hector: I'm only trying to help! A chap your age needs a woman by his side! I have told you countless times, when and indeed if I decide to marry- - if? - It will be to somebody I care about! What about that Justine woman? You were with her for years! - You hated each other! - I did not! She had a spark! I admired that.
Wide enough hips.
Oh, so that's what this is about! Not my future bride, but your future grandchild! You have a responsibility to your lineage! Stay out of my private life, do you hear?! If you don't, I'll- I'll- - I'll have the snip! - Snip? I will have my lineage cut off! ( laughs nervously ) Hector.
This house is tainted by a lack of moral responsibility.
How nice to see you too, Katrina.
( car door shuts ) Poor old Archie.
You don't have to have time for dynasties, but you must find some time for yourself.
Forget about this place for five minutes.
What do they say these days? Chill out? While you're still young.
If money were no object, what would you buy? You know that.
I'd secure a future for Glenbogle.
I don't mean that.
What would you buy for you? Well, I've always fancied a Porsche.
Really? Yeah, a red one.
Ahem-hem! I'll need some help to set up the beach for the party.
Oh, sorry.
I've got my assistant head ranger duties to perform.
I've agreed to let Duncan take our first group around the estate.
It'll be like "The Blair Witch Project" all over again.
( giggles ) Take no notice, Duncan.
You'll be great.
Anyway, the teachers will be with him.
- Teachers? - Yep.
It's the kids from the school you'll be showing round.
Did you say kid- children? 15 sweet little 10-year-olds.
It's a party of children, Dunc, not a party of ax murderers.
( screams ) Katrina: You know it was a mistake, don't you? The bank cocked up the direct debits.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry about the threatening letter.
It goes out to any of the tenants who get into arrears.
Just another one of your tenants now, am I? You know I didn't mean I gather Fergal's asked you to bring the kids over tomorrow.
- It was my idea actually.
- Right.
It must be good having someone like Fergal around.
Really seems to know how to make the place work.
Certainly understands people.
You included? What goes on between me and Fergal is my business, don't you think? - You'd better come quick.
- What is it? There's one of your tenants in my kitchen, saying that you chucked him out into the street.
At least you understand responsibility.
Loyalty.
Duty.
( horn honking ) ( vehicle approaching ) Hector MacDonald? Yes? Kieran Conway.
We spoke on the phone earlier.
Oh, yes.
I'm afraid you've had a wasted journey.
This is my daughter Tanya.
Absolutely enchanted.
I'm sorry, mister, um Tosh.
Tosh McKellan.
I don't understand what you're talking about.
I have never evicted any of my tenants.
- Not you.
Your father.
- I might've known.
Fergal: Evicted you from where? My cottage.
By the west wood.
Is that one of the ones you've been renting out to tourists? They've been vacant for years.
Sent me to a home.
I didn't want to go there! Wanted to stay in the house I lived in 46 years! I am sorry, but you are going to have to go back to the home.
I'll not go back there! You're the laird.
I am your responsibility.
You can't stay here.
Archie, he can bunk down with me tonight.
We can just sort it out in the morning.
Right, thanks.
Arch, you're wanted.
Oh, now what? - You've got guests.
- Guests! An elderly gentleman, and his young, very unmarried daughter.
Right.
( men laughing ) Sorry to disappoint, but I am going to my room, and I shall emerge sometime after my 70th birthday.
You have had a wasted journey, I'm afraid.
I told my father of my intention to take a lifetime vow of chastity some months ago, but he seems to have forgotten! Archie, may I introduce you to the Earl of Nissalagh, from the beautiful Republic of Ireland? Good night.
And may I introduce my daughter, Tanya? Hello.
You got something on your mind? Oh, it's just these kids coming tomorrow.
What? Well you might find this hard to believe, me being a man of the world and that, but when I was a kid, I was an object of fun and ridicule.
Surely not.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Butt of the jokes.
The guy that had his bike stolen, the itching powder down his sports- it's just 'cause I wanted to learn stuff, you know.
I never I never had any friends.
Hector: No, no, I insist! You'll both stay the night.
Well that's jolly decent of you.
Not at all.
Go through.
I'll get Lexie to take the port to the library.
Going rather well, don't you think? I thought Archie told you to stop this skulduggery.
Listen, that chap has a huge estate in Ireland.
Now, I don't want to be vulgar, but an alliance would solve all our financial problems.
Hector, this isn't the middle ages.
People don't marry to secure dynasties and increase their assets.
Archie's got enough on his plate without worrying about the precious family line.
Besides, you can't just throw two people together like that! - We were thrown together.
- Yes, and I wish I could say that it was love at first sight, but it wasn't! We grew together, and I learned to know what a warm, kindhearted, wonderful man that you are, and then and only then, did I fall deeply in love with you.
Archie deserves that chance.
- ( laughter ) - ah.
We thought we'd go for a walk.
- It's such a lovely night.
- Hector: yes.
( humming wedding march ) This is stunning.
You're so lucky.
You must have views like this at home.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I never have time to look.
Yep, I know that feeling.
I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you you don't seem obvious laird material.
Well, I wasn't supposed to be.
I had an older brother, Jamie.
He died.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I was kind of thrown into this laird stuff.
Mostly I've been trying to prove myself to my father.
What about you, your old man the same? Yeah, I guess so.
I'm all he's got.
Well, you must have more time on your hands now that you've managed to turn the estate around.
Yeah, true.
It was tough, though.
Had to sell off the family silver.
Tell me about it.
Of course, father made me keep some stuff back, things he could never part with.
Bet Hector did the same.
Well, if he has, he's never told me about it.
The truth is, we are stony broke.
- Broke?! - Completely skint.
They're pinning all their hopes on this visitor center.
Damn! We'd best get out of here first thing.
No.
I have spent a fortune on this, hiring that car, the suit, those diamonds- I'm not leaving without some compensation.
They haven't got anything worth nicking, dad! Don't you believe it.
Aristos always say they're broke.
But they never mention the Gainsborough stashed away in the attic.
Look, I'll work on the old duffer tomorrow.
You charm the lad.
( slams ) Welcome to Glenbogle.
My name is Dunc.
I'm called I'm called Duncan, and this place is called Glenbogle.
So Archie doesn't know about the party? No, so whatever it takes, just keep him away from the beach.
- How will I do that? - You'll think of something.
- Archie: gone? - Fergal: yeah.
He bedded down on my sofa last night.
This morning, no sign of him.
- Maybe he went back to the home? - No chance.
We'll have to search for him.
Dunc? Sorry, I've got to look after the school kids.
I'll ask around.
Who's he? Oh, don't you start.
They seem to be getting on awfully well.
Ha ha ha! Indeed.
So how many acres do you have here? About 38,500.
Ooh not a bad little plot.
Little? Ha ha! How many acres do you have in Ireland? Oh, give or take, about 50,000.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Still, this old pile of yours is pretty impressive.
Yes, well it could do with a coat of paint, I suppose.
( both chuckling ) - You're not fooling anyone.
- I'm not? Keep this place looking rundown, scare away the taxman.
Well still, it's always a sign of true breeding, keeping the really expensive stuff under lock and key.
Most unostentatious.
Well, never seen the need to flaunt one's wealth.
I've lots of antiques hidden away.
Really? Me too.
Oh, yes.
( children stepping down ) Quickly now.
Right.
Well.
Over to you, Duncan.
Welcome to Glenbogle.
My name's Duncan, and I'm your show here to guide you- I mean, I'm your guide here to show you around this ancient and very old and beautiful estate.
Let's get started.
I'll catch up later.
Come on.
Maybe Fergal's found him.
Hi.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
Hello.
Sorry.
Katrina, this is Tanya.
Nice to meet you.
So, any special plans for the big day? Yes, we're playing hide-and-seek with an octogenarian tenant.
- What? - Fergal: okay, I found Tosh.
- oh, good.
- Not good.
Fergal: Sorry, Archie, he must've nicked the chain from my place.
I'll not budge till you give me my cottage back! Be reasonable.
You can't stay here.
I claim squatter's rights! I'm calling the police! Katrina: He's your tenant, your responsibility.
He's got to go! The contractor's been paid a fortune to sort this place out! He's a person with feelings.
I'm sure Archie's doing what's best for the estate.
You'd know all about that, would you? Fergal: Okay, come on, Tosh.
Let's talk about this outside.
I'll not budge till you give me my cottage back.
( sloshing ) Hector: Kieran? Kieran? Where are you, old chap? Ah, there you are, old chap.
What have you got there? "Robert the Bruce.
" Excellent.
Oh, Lexie! Oh! Do you need a hand? I need several pairs.
Did you get Archie's present? Yes, red one.
Pop up headlights.
The lot.
Mmm.
Archie? They're gonna be on double time in a couple hours.
Okay, okay.
What are you gonna do? He'll have to come out when he's hungry, won't he? ( footsteps approaching ) He has to eat here you are, Tosh.
Excuse me.
There's ham and cheese.
I didn't know whether you took sugar, so I didn't stir.
- She's very pretty.
- I'm sorry? - Tanya: Katrina.
- How're you feeling? Yes, I suppose she is.
What's the story? She's just another one of my tenants.
Duncan: These trees are well, firs.
And these ones over here are firs, too.
Duncan, they've seen trees before.
Right.
One of the reasons that this place is so important is because of the amazing amount of wildlife.
You like animals, right? - Yes? - Is this forest natural? Or has it been replanted by the landowners? Children: Hmmm? This is mainly natural, but if you like, I can take you up to our new replanting project.
Children: Nnnn Maybe not.
Bad idea.
Right.
Let's have a break.
( children laughing, talking ) They hate me.
Of course they do.
You're an adult.
You're doing fine.
That room's out of bounds, I'm afraid, old chap.
Buried treasure, eh? My late son's room.
Family only, I'm afraid.
Come on over to this music box.
It's over 100 years old.
( music box playing ) ( children playing ) Okay, my wee friends.
Time to go.
Right! Back in line now! Sometimes, they just need to know who's boss.
Odd one out, eh? What's your name? Duncan.
I'll die here.
I have had enough of this.
My father would not have kicked him out! That's what he did! I could still have done a decent day's work.
You know that's not true.
You tell him what really happened.
I'll not budge.
What happened, Tosh? My Annie died, that's what happened.
Annie? Without her, I- I didn't cope so well.
The truth is I went to pieces.
I'd always had her beside me, 40-odd years.
But she went so sudden.
It was a bad time.
I stopped behaving like a man.
Stopped looking after meself.
Lost my self-respect.
They packed me off to that place.
But I'm stronger now.
I could do a day's work.
I want my dignity back.
I want my home back.
Thanks.
What for? Asking a question earlier.
That really helped me out, that did.
Girls think it isn't cool if you ask questions.
If you keep asking questions, you become really clever.
You could be a you could be a doctor or an astronaut, maybe.
Did you ask questions at school? Well, I used to.
But the other kids, they they put me off.
I wish they hadn't.
I wish I'd kept asking questions.
So you could've been an astronaut? ( laughs ) Aye.
I think your job's dead cool.
Can I have your autograph? Tosh, I would love to help you, but I have other people to think of.
Things have moved on since you were a tenant here.
I wish I could let you stay, but we just can't afford it.
There was a time when this estate employed 100 workers on the land, and 50 in the house, but well, now we only have four.
If I don't balance the books, and make this place pay, then no one'll have a home here.
No one.
I'm sorry, Tosh.
I can't help you.
It's called autumn days, the number's in the book.
Happy birthday to me.
Golly, you've been saying recently that you could do with a hand.
You know, odd jobs from time to time.
What? Oh, aye, aye.
That's right.
And I was wondering how much the council are paying to keep Tosh at that home? I could ask them if they'd pay for the cottage instead.
Well done, Archie.
Right.
I think you can move back into your cottage.
Do you mean it? Absolutely.
You'll not get it for free, though.
Golly here needs some help.
You're a top man, Archie.
You're taking a risk, but I won't let you down.
Tanya: It just feels wrong.
These people, they're up against it.
Archie has to make this place work.
We've all got to make a living.
It's not just about the money, dad.
These are decent folk.
They support each other.
They rally round.
Has this young lad turned your head, huh? Listen, we might never get a chance like this again.
They'll all be at Archie's party later.
We'll grab what we can, and then be gone before he blows his candles out.
I need your help, darling.
Hi there.
Hi.
Do you still want to see around the place? ( children talking ) Don't let the dogs eat the food.
( lock turns ) You're very quiet.
That's the pot calling the kettle black.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Listen, thank you for making my birthday well, different.
Before you say anything, there's something you should know.
It's about you and me.
It would never work.
Funny, I was going to say the same thing.
I mean, you're tied up with running your estate, and I'm tied up with mine.
I thought you were going to say it was because of Katrina.
Archie MacDonald, you're crazy about that girl.
What on earth makes you say that? Take it from someone who knows.
Don't waste a chance to be really happy with a good person.
It doesn't happen very often.
Tell me you're not in love with her.
- I, um- - party guests: Surprise! # happy birthday to you # oh, no! - Did you know about this? - Yes.
So that's why you spent a day with me, keep me off the trail.
No, I spent the day with you because I wanted to.
# happy birthday to you.
# thank you very much.
Duncan: It'll be good fun.
You like parties, don't you? Wow is that the new series? - Like cars, do you? - Yeah.
Uh-uh.
That'll be one of the guests'.
Best not to touch.
Go to the party.
You said I should ask questions.
Has it got a V-8 engine? I don't suppose it would do any harm to have a wee look.
No touching, mind.
Lexie: Enjoying yourself, Arch? Thank you so much.
Can't thank you enough.
Cake's wonderful.
See? She's already part of the family.
She's only been here one day.
She looks pretty much in there to me.
But we all know what a sucker Archie is for a pretty face, eh? Hector: So, where's your father? Oh, he has a slight headache.
He said he'd join us later.
Splendid.
Well here's to new beginnings, eh? New beginnings.
I know you didn't want a fuss, Archie, but I couldn't help thinking about the past.
Remember? All the parties here, children, Lizzie Jamie would've loved this.
I don't think you realise, Archie, how lucky and proud I feel to have you, birthday boy.
Thank you very much, mother.
( playing with controls ) Might've one of these myself one day.
I'm sure a bright lad like you will be able to have one too.
Oh, don't touch that! That's the ejector button! ( playing with buttons ) You scared the wits out of me! Have you no shame? - I can't afford shame.
- This is wrong! Look, the lad's dead.
He has no use for this stuff.
These trophies aren't worth much.
This is more like it.
I have done my best for you for 10 years, but I can't let you do this! Look at you, dad.
Look at what you've become.
Oh, thanks, Lexie.
Just tell me you're not seriously thinking about it.
About what? Come on.
Arranged marriages.
You don't really believe in all that stuff, do you? I've only just met her.
For what it's worth, I think she's all right.
All right? And besides, whatever goes on between me and Tanya, or anyone else, for that matter, is my business.
It's always been the same, hasn't it? "You wouldn't let your old man down now, would you? Just one more job and I'll be set - " please! Let's just go! We can't take any of this! It's too late! Kieran: Get away from my car.
What's going on? Kieran: Get away! Get away! Get away from my car! ( honking ) ( distant honking ) ( dogs barking ) Where are you going, dad? Where are you running to now? What's going on, old chap? ( yelling ) A real bright spot that lad.
Takes one to know one.
Come on, the party's over.
( van leaving ) I tried to tell you.
Before the party.
Yeah, I know.
Why? Because, believe it or not, I really like you.
I like all of you.
He is my father, Archie.
It's the family business.
You understand that.
Trying to make the family business work, don't you? I'm gonna have to call the police.
It's all right, Archie.
Let them go.
We've been disturbed enough by you people.
Jamie's been disturbed enough.
Thank you, Mr.
MacDonald.
Thank you, Archie.
- Archie - don't gloat.
I'm not! That man is impossible! - You all right, father? - I'm fine.
I'm sorry your party was spoiled.
At least that's my birthday over for another year.
Ho ho.
Not quite.
Molly: This is to remind you that you were once a little boy, my little boy.
Your very own red Porsche.
Couldn't afford the real thing.
Oh, mother, it's perfect.
Hector: I'm sorry I interfered.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
I hope you find someone who makes you as happy as your mother makes me.
Thank you.
I was just trying to tell him that I was sorry things didn't work out with Tanya, but he wouldn't listen.
What's so funny? Just you and Archie.
Always seem to be upsetting each other.
Yeah.
Well he can be a very upsetting person.
Lexie: ready steady go! And they're off! And he's off! Can you believe it? ( yelling ) He's round the tunnel, he's in the tunnel and it's over the hill.
( yelling; chattering ) I better go.
I'll see you soon.
( theme music playing )
Just get dirty magazines, Hector? Huh! At your age! Please! Good morning, Archie.
( theme music playing ) It's from Lizzie.
Is she coming up? I'm sure my sister has better things to do than rush up here just because it's my birthday.
Archie, it's not just any birthday.
It's a special birthday.
I just wish everyone would forget about it- I want to.
And what about you, father? Isn't this your cue for a special speech? - What speech is that, lad? - The same speech we've heard every day this week.
The one that goes, "when I was your age, I'd liberated europe from the hun and sired half a polo team.
" Archie, you're a grown man.
You don't need me interfering in your future.
Right.
That's settled then.
No fuss.
Both: No fuss.
Good.
Gather the troops, Lexie.
Boathouse, five minutes.
Ahh Duncan: It's just that I thought I'd have more responsibility.
Did you? I mean, assistant head ranger I'm still just a skivvy! Will you change the record! It's Archie's ear you should be bending, not mine.
Aye, and maybe he doesn't think I'm up to it.
Duncan, you'll never know unless you ask.
Report for duty.
What duty? Children's party detail.
Archie: You've done a great job setting up the nature trail, Fergal.
Fergal: It'll be good to try it out, before the paying punters start turning up.
Yeah, that's fine by me.
Cool.
I'll tell Katrina.
Katrina? Yeah.
She said the kids would love to see around the estate.
You're seeing quite a lot of her, aren't you? Ha! Not as much as I'd like to.
No need to wait.
Now, we need to find the fairy lights, the streamers- and there's a banner around the house somewhere.
We have to move quickly, 'cause Archie's going to move all this stuff out today so the contractors can move in.
Hey ha ha! Look at this.
Here.
( Molly laughing ) What a party that was! Rained all day, but we still had the most wonderful time.
Remember, Golly? I remember a young lassie eating too much cake and throwing up into the fruit punch.
Wee Jamie, he- oh, it's all right.
You can talk about Jamie.
I wish people would talk about him more.
Aww this was his.
It's funny.
Something about the sound of children I remember most.
Shouting, arguing, giggling, laughing.
All just seemed to say life is wonderful.
Oh, Hector used to love racing these with the boys.
This house was so full of joy.
Then it's time it was again.
We can start with Archie's party tomorrow.
It'll be the best MacDonald birthday party in the history of Both: MacDonald birthday parties.
Hector: Well, of course, old chap, why not? Pop over today.
Shall we say at 4:00? Excellent.
Thanks for ringing.
Archie will hit the roof when he sees this! He'll thank me for it later on.
We've got to get him hitched! Good lord, by the time I was 30, I had three children! I know.
I was there.
Of course you were.
He's got to live up to his responsibility- - ( rings ) - Hello.
Oh, hello, your lordship.
Yes yea- of course you can bring your daughter over to meet the laird.
Yes, absolutely delighted.
Ha ha ha! Yes, bye, your lordship.
( huffs ) Katrina: You know, I could've saved you a trip.
I've got to go up to the big house later to pay my rent and tug my forelock.
I wanted to tell you the good news straightaway.
Kids'll have a great time tomorrow.
Yeah.
Thanks.
And you know I think you deserve a reward.
Oh? And what did you have in mind? Hmm coffee? Well, I've a million things to do.
You can thank me another time.
Without MI5 observing us.
- If you'd just wait in here? Thanks.
- Thank you.
Molly? Come here.
Come see this.
You're never gonna believe this.
Look they're all queueing up in here.
What? Oh! Go get Archie immediately.
Right.
Archie I was wondering as assistant head ranger I was think- I was hoping that I'd get to be showing some of the trekking parties around.
Forget it.
Bad idea.
No, it's a good idea.
You know the place as well as anyone.
I'll talk to Fergal about it.
Right! Thanks! I won't let you down.
Arch, Hector wants to see you in the ballroom, matter of extreme urgency.
Thank you, Alexandra.
( clock striking ) - Lovely to see you again, Gordon.
- You too, old chap.
Molly: The, um the last time that we saw you, the girls were how old? - Both: 12.
- ( giggling ) That'll be all, Lexie.
( laughs pleasantly ) So, um wh-what do you do these days? What do you mean? Why don't I show you around the house, Gordon? Lexie: Just because you've got some fancy new title- assistant head ranger, with special responsibilities for guided tours! Doesn't give you the right to take food without asking.
I told you- I didn't! So that salmon just uncooked itself, and swam away, did it? Golly: How long has food been going missing? A couple of days now.
And I know this is premature but we may as well get it out of the way.
- I'd prefer July.
- But September would suit me better.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
For a wedding.
For a- just what is going on here? Your father says here you'd be anxious to do it before the year is out.
Sorry, it's all been a mistake.
Mistake? I am not up for auction, thank you.
Goodbye.
Father! Hector: I'm only trying to help! A chap your age needs a woman by his side! I have told you countless times, when and indeed if I decide to marry- - if? - It will be to somebody I care about! What about that Justine woman? You were with her for years! - You hated each other! - I did not! She had a spark! I admired that.
Wide enough hips.
Oh, so that's what this is about! Not my future bride, but your future grandchild! You have a responsibility to your lineage! Stay out of my private life, do you hear?! If you don't, I'll- I'll- - I'll have the snip! - Snip? I will have my lineage cut off! ( laughs nervously ) Hector.
This house is tainted by a lack of moral responsibility.
How nice to see you too, Katrina.
( car door shuts ) Poor old Archie.
You don't have to have time for dynasties, but you must find some time for yourself.
Forget about this place for five minutes.
What do they say these days? Chill out? While you're still young.
If money were no object, what would you buy? You know that.
I'd secure a future for Glenbogle.
I don't mean that.
What would you buy for you? Well, I've always fancied a Porsche.
Really? Yeah, a red one.
Ahem-hem! I'll need some help to set up the beach for the party.
Oh, sorry.
I've got my assistant head ranger duties to perform.
I've agreed to let Duncan take our first group around the estate.
It'll be like "The Blair Witch Project" all over again.
( giggles ) Take no notice, Duncan.
You'll be great.
Anyway, the teachers will be with him.
- Teachers? - Yep.
It's the kids from the school you'll be showing round.
Did you say kid- children? 15 sweet little 10-year-olds.
It's a party of children, Dunc, not a party of ax murderers.
( screams ) Katrina: You know it was a mistake, don't you? The bank cocked up the direct debits.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry about the threatening letter.
It goes out to any of the tenants who get into arrears.
Just another one of your tenants now, am I? You know I didn't mean I gather Fergal's asked you to bring the kids over tomorrow.
- It was my idea actually.
- Right.
It must be good having someone like Fergal around.
Really seems to know how to make the place work.
Certainly understands people.
You included? What goes on between me and Fergal is my business, don't you think? - You'd better come quick.
- What is it? There's one of your tenants in my kitchen, saying that you chucked him out into the street.
At least you understand responsibility.
Loyalty.
Duty.
( horn honking ) ( vehicle approaching ) Hector MacDonald? Yes? Kieran Conway.
We spoke on the phone earlier.
Oh, yes.
I'm afraid you've had a wasted journey.
This is my daughter Tanya.
Absolutely enchanted.
I'm sorry, mister, um Tosh.
Tosh McKellan.
I don't understand what you're talking about.
I have never evicted any of my tenants.
- Not you.
Your father.
- I might've known.
Fergal: Evicted you from where? My cottage.
By the west wood.
Is that one of the ones you've been renting out to tourists? They've been vacant for years.
Sent me to a home.
I didn't want to go there! Wanted to stay in the house I lived in 46 years! I am sorry, but you are going to have to go back to the home.
I'll not go back there! You're the laird.
I am your responsibility.
You can't stay here.
Archie, he can bunk down with me tonight.
We can just sort it out in the morning.
Right, thanks.
Arch, you're wanted.
Oh, now what? - You've got guests.
- Guests! An elderly gentleman, and his young, very unmarried daughter.
Right.
( men laughing ) Sorry to disappoint, but I am going to my room, and I shall emerge sometime after my 70th birthday.
You have had a wasted journey, I'm afraid.
I told my father of my intention to take a lifetime vow of chastity some months ago, but he seems to have forgotten! Archie, may I introduce you to the Earl of Nissalagh, from the beautiful Republic of Ireland? Good night.
And may I introduce my daughter, Tanya? Hello.
You got something on your mind? Oh, it's just these kids coming tomorrow.
What? Well you might find this hard to believe, me being a man of the world and that, but when I was a kid, I was an object of fun and ridicule.
Surely not.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Butt of the jokes.
The guy that had his bike stolen, the itching powder down his sports- it's just 'cause I wanted to learn stuff, you know.
I never I never had any friends.
Hector: No, no, I insist! You'll both stay the night.
Well that's jolly decent of you.
Not at all.
Go through.
I'll get Lexie to take the port to the library.
Going rather well, don't you think? I thought Archie told you to stop this skulduggery.
Listen, that chap has a huge estate in Ireland.
Now, I don't want to be vulgar, but an alliance would solve all our financial problems.
Hector, this isn't the middle ages.
People don't marry to secure dynasties and increase their assets.
Archie's got enough on his plate without worrying about the precious family line.
Besides, you can't just throw two people together like that! - We were thrown together.
- Yes, and I wish I could say that it was love at first sight, but it wasn't! We grew together, and I learned to know what a warm, kindhearted, wonderful man that you are, and then and only then, did I fall deeply in love with you.
Archie deserves that chance.
- ( laughter ) - ah.
We thought we'd go for a walk.
- It's such a lovely night.
- Hector: yes.
( humming wedding march ) This is stunning.
You're so lucky.
You must have views like this at home.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I never have time to look.
Yep, I know that feeling.
I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you you don't seem obvious laird material.
Well, I wasn't supposed to be.
I had an older brother, Jamie.
He died.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I was kind of thrown into this laird stuff.
Mostly I've been trying to prove myself to my father.
What about you, your old man the same? Yeah, I guess so.
I'm all he's got.
Well, you must have more time on your hands now that you've managed to turn the estate around.
Yeah, true.
It was tough, though.
Had to sell off the family silver.
Tell me about it.
Of course, father made me keep some stuff back, things he could never part with.
Bet Hector did the same.
Well, if he has, he's never told me about it.
The truth is, we are stony broke.
- Broke?! - Completely skint.
They're pinning all their hopes on this visitor center.
Damn! We'd best get out of here first thing.
No.
I have spent a fortune on this, hiring that car, the suit, those diamonds- I'm not leaving without some compensation.
They haven't got anything worth nicking, dad! Don't you believe it.
Aristos always say they're broke.
But they never mention the Gainsborough stashed away in the attic.
Look, I'll work on the old duffer tomorrow.
You charm the lad.
( slams ) Welcome to Glenbogle.
My name is Dunc.
I'm called I'm called Duncan, and this place is called Glenbogle.
So Archie doesn't know about the party? No, so whatever it takes, just keep him away from the beach.
- How will I do that? - You'll think of something.
- Archie: gone? - Fergal: yeah.
He bedded down on my sofa last night.
This morning, no sign of him.
- Maybe he went back to the home? - No chance.
We'll have to search for him.
Dunc? Sorry, I've got to look after the school kids.
I'll ask around.
Who's he? Oh, don't you start.
They seem to be getting on awfully well.
Ha ha ha! Indeed.
So how many acres do you have here? About 38,500.
Ooh not a bad little plot.
Little? Ha ha! How many acres do you have in Ireland? Oh, give or take, about 50,000.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Still, this old pile of yours is pretty impressive.
Yes, well it could do with a coat of paint, I suppose.
( both chuckling ) - You're not fooling anyone.
- I'm not? Keep this place looking rundown, scare away the taxman.
Well still, it's always a sign of true breeding, keeping the really expensive stuff under lock and key.
Most unostentatious.
Well, never seen the need to flaunt one's wealth.
I've lots of antiques hidden away.
Really? Me too.
Oh, yes.
( children stepping down ) Quickly now.
Right.
Well.
Over to you, Duncan.
Welcome to Glenbogle.
My name's Duncan, and I'm your show here to guide you- I mean, I'm your guide here to show you around this ancient and very old and beautiful estate.
Let's get started.
I'll catch up later.
Come on.
Maybe Fergal's found him.
Hi.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
Hello.
Sorry.
Katrina, this is Tanya.
Nice to meet you.
So, any special plans for the big day? Yes, we're playing hide-and-seek with an octogenarian tenant.
- What? - Fergal: okay, I found Tosh.
- oh, good.
- Not good.
Fergal: Sorry, Archie, he must've nicked the chain from my place.
I'll not budge till you give me my cottage back! Be reasonable.
You can't stay here.
I claim squatter's rights! I'm calling the police! Katrina: He's your tenant, your responsibility.
He's got to go! The contractor's been paid a fortune to sort this place out! He's a person with feelings.
I'm sure Archie's doing what's best for the estate.
You'd know all about that, would you? Fergal: Okay, come on, Tosh.
Let's talk about this outside.
I'll not budge till you give me my cottage back.
( sloshing ) Hector: Kieran? Kieran? Where are you, old chap? Ah, there you are, old chap.
What have you got there? "Robert the Bruce.
" Excellent.
Oh, Lexie! Oh! Do you need a hand? I need several pairs.
Did you get Archie's present? Yes, red one.
Pop up headlights.
The lot.
Mmm.
Archie? They're gonna be on double time in a couple hours.
Okay, okay.
What are you gonna do? He'll have to come out when he's hungry, won't he? ( footsteps approaching ) He has to eat here you are, Tosh.
Excuse me.
There's ham and cheese.
I didn't know whether you took sugar, so I didn't stir.
- She's very pretty.
- I'm sorry? - Tanya: Katrina.
- How're you feeling? Yes, I suppose she is.
What's the story? She's just another one of my tenants.
Duncan: These trees are well, firs.
And these ones over here are firs, too.
Duncan, they've seen trees before.
Right.
One of the reasons that this place is so important is because of the amazing amount of wildlife.
You like animals, right? - Yes? - Is this forest natural? Or has it been replanted by the landowners? Children: Hmmm? This is mainly natural, but if you like, I can take you up to our new replanting project.
Children: Nnnn Maybe not.
Bad idea.
Right.
Let's have a break.
( children laughing, talking ) They hate me.
Of course they do.
You're an adult.
You're doing fine.
That room's out of bounds, I'm afraid, old chap.
Buried treasure, eh? My late son's room.
Family only, I'm afraid.
Come on over to this music box.
It's over 100 years old.
( music box playing ) ( children playing ) Okay, my wee friends.
Time to go.
Right! Back in line now! Sometimes, they just need to know who's boss.
Odd one out, eh? What's your name? Duncan.
I'll die here.
I have had enough of this.
My father would not have kicked him out! That's what he did! I could still have done a decent day's work.
You know that's not true.
You tell him what really happened.
I'll not budge.
What happened, Tosh? My Annie died, that's what happened.
Annie? Without her, I- I didn't cope so well.
The truth is I went to pieces.
I'd always had her beside me, 40-odd years.
But she went so sudden.
It was a bad time.
I stopped behaving like a man.
Stopped looking after meself.
Lost my self-respect.
They packed me off to that place.
But I'm stronger now.
I could do a day's work.
I want my dignity back.
I want my home back.
Thanks.
What for? Asking a question earlier.
That really helped me out, that did.
Girls think it isn't cool if you ask questions.
If you keep asking questions, you become really clever.
You could be a you could be a doctor or an astronaut, maybe.
Did you ask questions at school? Well, I used to.
But the other kids, they they put me off.
I wish they hadn't.
I wish I'd kept asking questions.
So you could've been an astronaut? ( laughs ) Aye.
I think your job's dead cool.
Can I have your autograph? Tosh, I would love to help you, but I have other people to think of.
Things have moved on since you were a tenant here.
I wish I could let you stay, but we just can't afford it.
There was a time when this estate employed 100 workers on the land, and 50 in the house, but well, now we only have four.
If I don't balance the books, and make this place pay, then no one'll have a home here.
No one.
I'm sorry, Tosh.
I can't help you.
It's called autumn days, the number's in the book.
Happy birthday to me.
Golly, you've been saying recently that you could do with a hand.
You know, odd jobs from time to time.
What? Oh, aye, aye.
That's right.
And I was wondering how much the council are paying to keep Tosh at that home? I could ask them if they'd pay for the cottage instead.
Well done, Archie.
Right.
I think you can move back into your cottage.
Do you mean it? Absolutely.
You'll not get it for free, though.
Golly here needs some help.
You're a top man, Archie.
You're taking a risk, but I won't let you down.
Tanya: It just feels wrong.
These people, they're up against it.
Archie has to make this place work.
We've all got to make a living.
It's not just about the money, dad.
These are decent folk.
They support each other.
They rally round.
Has this young lad turned your head, huh? Listen, we might never get a chance like this again.
They'll all be at Archie's party later.
We'll grab what we can, and then be gone before he blows his candles out.
I need your help, darling.
Hi there.
Hi.
Do you still want to see around the place? ( children talking ) Don't let the dogs eat the food.
( lock turns ) You're very quiet.
That's the pot calling the kettle black.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Listen, thank you for making my birthday well, different.
Before you say anything, there's something you should know.
It's about you and me.
It would never work.
Funny, I was going to say the same thing.
I mean, you're tied up with running your estate, and I'm tied up with mine.
I thought you were going to say it was because of Katrina.
Archie MacDonald, you're crazy about that girl.
What on earth makes you say that? Take it from someone who knows.
Don't waste a chance to be really happy with a good person.
It doesn't happen very often.
Tell me you're not in love with her.
- I, um- - party guests: Surprise! # happy birthday to you # oh, no! - Did you know about this? - Yes.
So that's why you spent a day with me, keep me off the trail.
No, I spent the day with you because I wanted to.
# happy birthday to you.
# thank you very much.
Duncan: It'll be good fun.
You like parties, don't you? Wow is that the new series? - Like cars, do you? - Yeah.
Uh-uh.
That'll be one of the guests'.
Best not to touch.
Go to the party.
You said I should ask questions.
Has it got a V-8 engine? I don't suppose it would do any harm to have a wee look.
No touching, mind.
Lexie: Enjoying yourself, Arch? Thank you so much.
Can't thank you enough.
Cake's wonderful.
See? She's already part of the family.
She's only been here one day.
She looks pretty much in there to me.
But we all know what a sucker Archie is for a pretty face, eh? Hector: So, where's your father? Oh, he has a slight headache.
He said he'd join us later.
Splendid.
Well here's to new beginnings, eh? New beginnings.
I know you didn't want a fuss, Archie, but I couldn't help thinking about the past.
Remember? All the parties here, children, Lizzie Jamie would've loved this.
I don't think you realise, Archie, how lucky and proud I feel to have you, birthday boy.
Thank you very much, mother.
( playing with controls ) Might've one of these myself one day.
I'm sure a bright lad like you will be able to have one too.
Oh, don't touch that! That's the ejector button! ( playing with buttons ) You scared the wits out of me! Have you no shame? - I can't afford shame.
- This is wrong! Look, the lad's dead.
He has no use for this stuff.
These trophies aren't worth much.
This is more like it.
I have done my best for you for 10 years, but I can't let you do this! Look at you, dad.
Look at what you've become.
Oh, thanks, Lexie.
Just tell me you're not seriously thinking about it.
About what? Come on.
Arranged marriages.
You don't really believe in all that stuff, do you? I've only just met her.
For what it's worth, I think she's all right.
All right? And besides, whatever goes on between me and Tanya, or anyone else, for that matter, is my business.
It's always been the same, hasn't it? "You wouldn't let your old man down now, would you? Just one more job and I'll be set - " please! Let's just go! We can't take any of this! It's too late! Kieran: Get away from my car.
What's going on? Kieran: Get away! Get away! Get away from my car! ( honking ) ( distant honking ) ( dogs barking ) Where are you going, dad? Where are you running to now? What's going on, old chap? ( yelling ) A real bright spot that lad.
Takes one to know one.
Come on, the party's over.
( van leaving ) I tried to tell you.
Before the party.
Yeah, I know.
Why? Because, believe it or not, I really like you.
I like all of you.
He is my father, Archie.
It's the family business.
You understand that.
Trying to make the family business work, don't you? I'm gonna have to call the police.
It's all right, Archie.
Let them go.
We've been disturbed enough by you people.
Jamie's been disturbed enough.
Thank you, Mr.
MacDonald.
Thank you, Archie.
- Archie - don't gloat.
I'm not! That man is impossible! - You all right, father? - I'm fine.
I'm sorry your party was spoiled.
At least that's my birthday over for another year.
Ho ho.
Not quite.
Molly: This is to remind you that you were once a little boy, my little boy.
Your very own red Porsche.
Couldn't afford the real thing.
Oh, mother, it's perfect.
Hector: I'm sorry I interfered.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
I hope you find someone who makes you as happy as your mother makes me.
Thank you.
I was just trying to tell him that I was sorry things didn't work out with Tanya, but he wouldn't listen.
What's so funny? Just you and Archie.
Always seem to be upsetting each other.
Yeah.
Well he can be a very upsetting person.
Lexie: ready steady go! And they're off! And he's off! Can you believe it? ( yelling ) He's round the tunnel, he's in the tunnel and it's over the hill.
( yelling; chattering ) I better go.
I'll see you soon.
( theme music playing )