Monsters vs. Aliens (2013) s01e21 Episode Script

The Sorry Syndrome

MVA MVA Monsters vs.
Aliens It's us vs.
them Foe vs.
friend Brain vs.
It's a super-freaky job Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
MVA Monsters vs.
Aliens Monsters vs.
Aliens [cackles] Monsters vs.
Aliens MVA 1x34 - It Came from Channel 5 [dramatic news theme music] Area 50-something.
It's no secret monsters call it home.
But there is something more frightening, more dangerous.
Inside this secret outpost, the government is hiding aliens! That's right, folks, aliens from other planets! Of course, the government denies that, but this news scooper has the inside scoop.
[phone buzzing] - Derek, what a nice surprise.
- I know, right? Well, hold on to your hat, Susan, because news flash: I'm considering getting back together with you! - Uh-huh.
- Yeah, I decided your being big wasn't so big after all.
So how's about I come over to the old secret base and we talk it out? Oh, and while you're here, maybe I could show you some things, - like, I don't know, aliens? - Aliens? Yeah, that could be cool.
Uh-huh, now, just one question, Derek is it my TV, or is your hairline really starting to recede? Wait.
Are you watching? Oh, yeah, Derek, and I've got late-breaking news for all your viewers.
I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on Earth! [phone beep] Cut to commercial! Karen, get the shine off my skull! - Ha! Burn! - My, my, my, how intriguing.
I know, they mixed the peas with these little onions.
Shouldn't work, but [chomps] boy howdy, it does! I assure you, Grand Coverlord, this plan is flawless.
I will make contact with this news stooge.
Then when word of my existence is broadcast, the world will descend into panic! Plus the camera loves me.
It's the cheekbones.
Where do you think you're going? General, I was just about to, you know, hover around.
De-nied! Especially with a reporter snooping around.
Last thing I need is your ugly mug on the TVs.
Now, hover yourself back into your secure area, - and give me that hat! - Um, but I Dum-da-dum-da-dum-dum-dum - Ah, here comes plan "B.
" - dum-da-dum-da-dum-dum-dum So, B.
, quite a scene in the mess hall today, eh? I know.
Those peas and onions shouldn't work together, but gosh darn it, they just do.
Actually, I was thinking of another odd couple, - Susan and Derek.
- They are not a couple.
Susan said she wouldn't go out with Derek if he was the last man on Earth.
Mm, but he's not the last man on Earth, is he? [gasps] Which means she would go out with him.
Mind blown.
I gotta get those two crazy kids together! Exactly, B.
Bring Derek onto this base.
But tell no one what you're doing.
"The man" will do whatever he can to keep them apart.
- "The man.
" - Yes, "the man.
" Now, fly, B.
! Fly the on the wings of love! [phone ringing] - Hello? - I know what's going on, and I want to help you.
- B.
? - I'm on a call.
- With me.
- Wow, huh.
How crazy is that? Derek, I'm going to bring you to your one true love.
- Myself? - No, silly, Susan.
You're going to take me to Susan? In the top secret underground base? - Where all the aliens are? - Yup, I'm a hopeless romantic.
[giggles] I'm about to single-handedly sneak into Area 50-something.
I alone will face the gauntlet of deadly Hey! It's this way.
Okay, but stay out of my shot.
Can you do that? [laughing] [grunting] Oh! Oh! [grunts] - Wow, that was stinky! - Dietl here.
I've infiltrated Area 50-something, Using methods I'm not at liberty to disclose.
He came in through the sewer! - So B.
, when do we see aliens? - Aliens? You mean Susan, right? Uh slip of the tongue? Oh, I can see that.
Aliens, Susan.
They're both spelled with letters.
[gasps] Someone's coming.
- Maybe "the man.
" I gotta hide you.
- Wait! [shudders] [spits] Call me crazy, but I'm not a fan of the little onions.
Hey, guys! I'm not hiding Susan's ex-boyfriend behind this door! - You're crazy.
- I like what I like.
- B.
? - I'll go get Susan.
You hide from "the man.
" This is the worst place to hide from "the man.
" It's "the man's" office! - Finally, alone at last.
- Okay.
Okay, "D" man, focus now.
Get the scoop.
Network gig.
Eye on the prize.
[electronic voice] Konichiwa.
Time to dancing.
Busting your moves on level one.
[dance music] Consider them busted.
Surprise? B.
, what surprise? All I'm going to say is what you're about to see - will change your life, forever! - O, M, and G.
Wow, the General's totally loose in the caboose.
What are you doing? This is a private office! Get out! Where was I? Oh, that's right.
Locking my way back to funky town.
Well, B.
, that did change my life forever.
Not for the better.
Ah, B.
! Have you found the report [muffled speech] "The man" has ears everywhere.
[humming] There you are! Come on, I'm taking you straight to Susan.
, wait, you know, I like the hiding/surprise thing.
But maybe we need to hide me somewhere a little more secret and secure.
What'd you have in mind, you sly dog? [barks and laughs] Well, do you have any, I don't know, aliens on this base? Genius! Nobody but nobody goes in here, ever! It's perfect.
[laughs] Perfect.
Wait, what's with the giant doggy toys? [growling] Unless somebody's got a giant [roars] [screams] And you're sure this isn't another Monger booty quake, right? Oh, no, you're going to want to see this.
Ta-da! [licking] Okay, B.
, thanks for showing me that.
[licking] [hiccups] [screams] [shudders] [burps] That thing ate me.
I was eaten! [sobbing] I don't want to be eaten.
Wait, did it digest any of my hair? Uh, maybe.
Was this shiny spot always here? Hair damage! No scoop is worth that.
Unless it gets me my own show.
Ho, ho, then I could No, no, "D" man, that's crazy talk! You can't replace hair like mine.
The curl.
I can't pay that price.
This story is just not worth it! No, Derek! I will not have you giving up on this story, this fairy tale, this romance.
You know what? You need a pep talk, from my peppy friend.
[chuckles] [electronic voice] Busting your moves on level one.
Level one can prepare to be annihilated - by my "skillz" with a "Z.
" - Coverton! Ah, B.
and the TV blabber-person of ill repute.
- So you have seen my show? - Indeed.
I find your appetite for the exploitation and debasement of others positively delightful.
Uh, cool.
Coverton, can I leave Derek here with you? - He needs a pep talk something fierce.
- Dearest Derek, let us chat.
Great, you two chew the fat.
[singsong] I'll get Susan.
[camera snaps] Get me in 3/4 profile and make sure the lighting isn't too harsh.
Sometimes there's an awful, unflattering shine on my forehead.
Alien, we speak each other's language.
No really, Susan.
This time for sure.
Okay, but this is the last time.
Susan, B.
, what can I do for you? - Where's Derek? - Wait, Derek was here? Ah, dang! I ruined the surprise.
Derek's long gone now.
But he did walk away with a hot exclusive: "Close encounter: Me!" The world's going to love it.
[evil laugh] Oh, no! [beeps] Ah, no signal.
Why do they have to put these secret installations - in the middle of nowhere? - Yeah, so you can't upload pictures or videos.
Susan? Is that you? - You're you're normal! - Normal? Yeah, you're not a 50-foot giant abomination anymore.
Why didn't you tell me, baby? Now we can totally get back together.
For reals.
Might fix the hair, though.
But other than that, you're totally normal again.
- Sweet.
- Derek, I've always been normal, even when I'm ginormous.
[screams] I want you to meet Sqweep.
You'll like Sqweep.
- Sqweep's an alien.
- Really? An alien? Yeah, an alien with a nice little memory wiper.
Wait! No! Nooooo! Ah, look at them.
Derek and Susan together again, just like peas and onions.
[laughs] [gasps] Where am I? Wait a second.
Who am I? "Your name is Derek Di-et-l, "and you have no chance with Susan Murphy.
Your hairline is definitely receding.
" [screams] 1x35 - It Ruled With an Iron Fist It's finally here, boys.
Today's the day! [all cheering] You have no idea what today is the day of do you? - Not a clue.
- Not really, no.
January 43rd! [all cheering] Today's the day Monger is going off base for the weekend, which means he'll be putting someone in charge while he's away.
Get ready, guys.
Today is Susan Murphy's time to shine! - Yeah! - All right! I object! The giantess can barely control her own monsters.
If anyone is to be left in command, it should be me.
- Pbbbt.
- You know, on my planet, this is an extremely insulting gesture! Enough! Coverton, I've already made up my mind.
The one I'm leaving in charge is - Sta-a-a-abi! - No-o-o-o.
- The Rule-bot 9000.
- What the what? - What is this Rule-bot? - Fascinating.
It appears to be some sort of prehistoric computing device.
[grunts and sniffs] [roars] [muffled yelling] The Rule-bot ain't just any comp-u-box.
I had it built back in the cold war to assume command in case of catastrophic - world-ending events.
- Paradox! If the world ended, who would be alive for it to command? Nosy-bodies like you who ask too many questions! Now, clam up! The Rule-bot's been programmed to enforce every rule and regulation in the book.
[electronic humming] [electronic voice] Rule violation 34-B, litterbug! [laughing] Hot dog almighty! That was bleeding tech back in the day, and I can't think of a better person to leave in charge.
- But it's not even a person.
- At ease, soldiers.
Don't burn the base down while I'm away! [growling] Ugh! Look on the bright side, Suze.
This thing can't possibly be worse than if Coverton was in charge.
So there's that, right? Rule violation 16-D.
Unsanitary consumption.
Rule violation 22-G.
Buck naked in public area.
Ah! My skivvies! - Rule violation 49-C.
- Ah! Mixing hazardous chemicals.
[grunts] Helmets must be worn during combat drills.
Violation! Unaccompanied minor without hall pass.
Rule violation.
Rule violation! - Rule violation! - Make it stop! Obey or face punishment! Move it, people.
We've got a rule box to whomp.
- Guys, it's not that bad.
- It's gone rule-mad, Susan.
Months of careless experiment planning, and boom! Gone! I meant careful planning, of course.
Yeah, and ever since I started wearing clothes, I have to use my other senses to see who I'm talking to, like taste.
[licking] I get enforcing normal rules, but this thing's just a power-mad nitpicker.
- Agreed.
- Annoying noise machine will not let Sta'abi make combat.
I don't even know what a hall pass is.
Yes and it scolded me for planning an invasion! Of privacy.
Love those celebrity gossip sites.
[licking] Who's there? Rule violation 54-C.
No licking.
What's the deal, man? Why are you busting our chops for rules that don't matter? Rule-bot does not compute.
- Okay, that's retro, but - All rules matter.
Obey rules or you will face punishment.
It's scientifically impossible to obey all your rules.
Subject Susan has not yet committed a single violation.
- What? I'm a good girl.
- [taunting] Teacher's pet.
[taunting humming] [gasps] [grumbling] Look, Monger put the Rule-bot in charge.
It's only for one weekend, so let's just deal, 'kay? Oh, we gonna deal.
Violators everywhere.
There, that must be the manual shutdown.
All right now, focus.
This is for reals, not for plays.
We gotta be stealthy, like the night.
[dramatic music] [flushing] [robot powering down] - Yeah! - All right! Who's your monsters? We your monsters! CPU checkmate! Slo-mo victory five? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Still not there.
So guessing that button just resets it, huh? - I'm sorry, what? - Rule violators! Violators will be punished! - He did it! - It was his idea! [grunting] Violators! Susan, it's being mean! Make it stop! Um okay, uh Mr.
Bot, Link and Cockroach are sorry for whatever they did.
And if you leave them alone, I promise to make sure they behave from now on.
You can trust me.
Like you said, I haven't broken any rules.
Untied shoes are a violation of dress code 37-A! Rule breaker! Okay, it's just being mean.
You will obey all rules or you will be punished! Punished? How exactly? Um with punishment! Yeah, but specifically, how? You dare question Rule-bot? You will get double punishment! Oh, I dare.
Come on with the details already.
T-t-t-triple punishment! There, Rule-bot has decided and will leave now.
Wait, you can't really punish us at all, can you? Say what? No, Rule-bot can punish.
Rule-bot just doesn't feel like it right now.
Wait, so let me get this straight.
All this thing can do is yell at us? - Has it been doing anything else? - Well, that kinda changes things.
[dance music] [growls] Ha! Victory belongs to Sta'abi! [roars] [grunting] [humming] No horseplay in work areas.
Illegal pop and locking.
Oh, stop being such a fuddy-duddy.
Rule-bot has learned humiliation.
Link, you might be pushing this a bit.
You don't even see Coverton goofing off this much.
This is my conquering dance.
[humming] Oh! Oh! Infernal gravity! [snaps fingers] [struggling] - Pushing it.
- Chill, Suze.
We'll speed-clean before Monger gets home.
Besides, it's not like that rule box can take itself out of the wall or anything.
[metal bending] [all gasp] Both: Huh? [gasps] Rule-bot is upgraded! [grunts] Look out! [both grunt] Ah! A force field? I didn't know I had one of those.
Rule breaker! That's an epsilon class rump massager.
It can't poss [babbles] [babbling] - Time to go! - Ugh! [grunts] Who rules the Rule-bot? No one! Rule-bot rules all! Moo-hoo-hah hah hah hah! Okay, I've got a plan to save my team, but I'll need your help.
[straining] Oh, goody.
I heart monsters.
- Hope again.
- You know, maybe you're right.
I doubt even a mind as brilliant as yours could defeat the Rule-bot.
Oh, do you honestly think reverse psychology will work on an alien mind? An alien that can't outthink a robot.
Yes, I can! I can and I will show you! Come, insignificant human.
I shall lead us to glory and victory! [ripping] [screams] That took the hairs! All the hairs! Now, tell Rule-bot.
What punishment options do you prefer? A: Laser punishment? B: Bazooka punishment? Or C: Rule-bot punishment.
Archaic bot, you have challenged Earth's greatest Coverton to combat.
Now, feast upon the doom of your mistake! Oh! [whimpers] [evil laugh] Rule-bot's turn to punish! [whimpering] Change of plans! Everyone for themselves! [whimpering] [babbling yell] Ah! [crash] Ugh! Ha ha ha! Rule-bot laughs at you.
Did you really think an alien could outthink a computer? Mm, nope.
That was just my distraction.
Your shoes are untied.
[warning beeps] Which means you just broke a rule! No! No! Illogical! Rule-bot cannot break [prolonged yell] r-r-u-u-u-ules! Oh.
[all grunt] - You guys all right? - Huzzah, Susan! - Brilliant plan! - Retro.
- Yay! - Suze, you may not be Monger's choice for substitute leader, but as far as Team Monster goes, you'll always be ours.
- Thanks, guys.
- Oh, please, I led the attack.
This is my doing! Coverton did this! - You destroyed my Rule-bot? - General? No! [stutters] It's not what it seems, you know.
I-I-I can fi Ugh! [chuckles]