Monty Python: Almost the Truth - Lawyers Cut (2009) s01e02 Episode Script
The Much Funnier Second Episode
And now, a short introduction from the producers' legal representative, Mr Abe Appenheimer.
Hello, and welcome to this documentary containing new and exclusive interviews with the five surviving members of Monty Python.
The producers wish to make it clear that any opinions expressed herein are those of the individuals and hold no truth whatsoever.
Pursuant, therefore, to clause 4.
6 of the Broadcasting, Video, Television Act, 1989, subsection 4, 3 and 2, clause .
.
subject to clause 4.
123, no viewer or watcher may copy, repeat, impersonate, mime, either contextually or noncontextually, any material whatsoever in any public place, such as a street, pub, club, hotel, oil rig, Baptist church Python The documentary of Python lt's all about Moo-o-o-onty Python A no-holds-barred documentary That's the entirely the truthish! lt's the story of Python Here comes yet another one Similar but not quite the same as the last one A documentary of the team called Python Here is a preview of some programmes you'll see shortly on BBC Television.
A meeting was set up, we went in to see Michael Mills, who was the Head of Light Entertainment.
l always liked Michael, but it was a very strange meeting, cos everyone who went to see them in those days wore suits.
And we only wore jeans.
Gray and l were in sports jackets, and the other guys were being so bohemian in black leather jackets.
And he was very nice, and he said, ''What do you want to do?'' We said, ''We want to do a funny show.
'' He said ''What's the show going to be about?'' We said, ''We don't know, really.
'' He said, ''Well, now, what about film, are you going to use a lot of film?'' We said, ''Oh, fi ''Film.
Are we going to use film? Yeah, we'll probably use some film.
'' Then he said, ''Well, is it going to have any music in it?'' ''No, no, no.
'' ''ls it gonna have guest stars?'' ''We haven't thought about that.
'' He said, ''Well, what's it going to be called?'' ''Well, we haven't got a title.
'' lt was the worst interview that anyone or any group has ever done.
Then they all go looking at each other and saying, ''Well'' ''l'll give you 13 shows, but that's all!'' Just like That was great.
So, odd sort of double kind of confidence and no confidence.
Those were the good executive-free days of the BBC.
Now, that would only have happened at that time, that he would take such a huge risk on a completely unknown group.
Because l was the only one who was known as a performer at that time because l'd been in The Frost Report.
All the others had just done, in quotes, ''kids' television''.
The BBC was like the RAF in those days.
So people with pipes in the bar, saying, ''Well, time to go to the bar.
''Let's not waste time on these programme things.
'' The heads of the BBC, the heads of different departments, couldn't wait for five o'clock to get to the bar and get pissed.
And they let you get on with things.
They left it to individual producers and directors to get on with it.
They didn't read our first scripts.
We were not interfered with, and that doesn't happen now.
The BBC, particularly now, almost all television, there's so many executives, the pyramid has become inverted.
Before, it was a few people at the top and a lot of talent.
Now it's a little bit of talent and a lot of people sitting on top making important decisions about what goes or doesn't go.
Because we'd been obeying conventions that we didn't really agree with, for a very long period of time, it was really like someone opening the gate to a field full of flowers, none of which had been picked.
And we sort of ran into the field and it was so easy to pick them.
At the beginning of Python, we were trying to work out what the format was, how to do it.
l had done this one cartoon that Terry really liked, it was very stream of consciousness as a way of doing it.
Milligan was doing with his Q series He was breaking all the rules.
l mean, there were no rules, except there was a structure you could never work out.
lt was only the structure of his brain, l think, is what it was.
l thought, ''This is really free, what they're doing.
''They're commenting on themselves, stepping out of character, doing anything.
'' l thought that was fantastic.
l remember Terry Jones and l talking on the phone and saying, ''Did you see Spike's show?'' Terry said, ''l thought that's what we were going to do.
'' l said, ''l know, l mean, he's so far out ahead of the bunch.
'' And that enabled us, in a sense, you know What do they say? ''Dwarves standing on the shoulders of giants.
'' .
.
to go further than we could have without him.
Spike Milligan was very funny on the subject, because one day he would say, ''Those brave boys are flying the flag.
'' The next day he'd say, ''Those bastards are ripping me off.
'' This is a doctor sketch.
What do you want? Doctor, do you have anything for amnesia? A what? For people with bad memories, here it is again.
Here's what, again? Spike had done Q5 which had been very silly, very off the wall.
Your sketch has ended and there is a cheque in the post.
Another sketch will follow almost immediately.
He used to do sketches when the actor was doing the lines a caption would come up: ''John Bluthal, take-home pay 16 pounds, 43 pence.
'' ''Not weekends'' and all that, you know.
So, subversive stuff was being done.
Terry would say, ''Let's do it like my cartoons ''where we don't need punch lines.
'' Cos l'd been so aware Pete and Dud were doing their series.
They'd do these brilliant sketches great character stuff, great lines.
Then they'd have to end with a punch line, and it was like damp squib.
lt wasn't really very good.
So, let's get rid of the weak bits.
Just chop them out.
And that's where it seemed to work so well.
We'd get to a point in the sketch and think, ''lt doesn't work beyond that.
'' OK.
l take over at that point and try to get us to the next thing.
And it just freed us up.
OK.
All clear.
Coming up with a title for a show is more difficult than writing or performing a show in the same way that coming up with an album title is more difficult than recording the album.
Groups are well known for spending months trying to come up with a decent title after they've recorded a perfectly good album.
And it's the same with comedy shows.
Well, the BBC would never accept any titles we did.
Each of the first four shows has different titles: ''Owl-stretching time.
A Horse, A Spoon and a Basin.
''Bun Wackett Buzzard Stubble and Boot.
'' My favourite one is, l think, one of Jones's: ''You Can't Call A Show Cornflakes.
'' We would get very silly and giggle a lot and then, in the morning, telephone each other, shamefaced, and say, ''No.
No.
Forget it.
Forget it.
'' They referred to it as Barry Took's Flying Circus in their contracts.
Barry Took was responsible for it.
l think Michael Palin said it should be Gwen Dibley's Flying Circus.
Somebody in his village was called Gwen Dibley, and how wonderful for her to see she had a show.
That seemed good.
Flying Circus had a nice ring to it.
Then, we just sat around throwing names around.
l can't remember which came first, Python or Monty.
l said Monty because there was a chap in our pub in Mappleborough Green called Monty, had a little bow tie, one of those bar types.
People said, ''Has Monty been in?'' ''Has Monty come in?'' ''Monty'' was clearly some shabby talent agent on Shaftesbury Avenue.
And ''Python'' was as snaky and slimy as you'd hope.
On this particular occasion, we giggled and giggled and giggled, and the next morning, we didn't ring around, we still liked it.
Monty Python's Flying Circus.
This was us.
Would people like us or hate us? Were we getting the balance right? l still remember as Gray and Terry Jones did that very first of all our sketches, which was about the sheep who could fly.
Good afternoon.
Afternoon.
Lovely day, isn't it? l remember Michael and l had had a conversation in the dressing room just beforehand.
l said to him, ''Do you realise, we could be the first people in history ''to do a 30-minute comedy show to complete silence?'' He said, ''l was having the same thought.
'' We just didn't know how funny it was.
We thought it was funny.
So, we really didn't know whether it was going to work at all for anyone.
lt's my belief that these sheep are labouring under the misapprehension that they're birds.
Observe their behaviour.
Take for a start the sheep's tendency to hop about the field on their back legs.
Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree.
Notice they do not so much fly as plummet.
Those early shows are actually very challenging.
They do drop sheep suddenly in the middle of nowhere, for no reason at all.
They're actually quite situationist shows.
Some people quite close to us obviously said, ''Very good'', then rushed off.
There weren't that many people who came to the bar afterwards, and it had been quiet in the audience, that's how l remember it.
There were stories of coach loads of dear old pensioners, coming and thinking it was a circus.
That clip of the little old ladies, that's how our first audience was.
They were people who want to go and see a nice Saturday night variety show.
l remember after the first recording thinking it hadn't worked.
lt was only by about show four or five, that we started getting feedback.
That was in the form of letters to the BBC from school kids.
There's a good measure in life as to what is culturally important, and that is, those shows that divide the generations.
lf older people start tut-tutting, and young people are having a wonderful time, you probably know you've hit on something interesting.
l first discovered Monty Python through people at my junior school who were watching it.
Everyone else was talking about this mad programme.
Some people had seen Monty Python and some hadn't.
lf you hadn't seen Monty Python, you were just completely left utterly baffled about what was going on.
Good evening.
For my parents, l think they didn't get Monty Python at all.
l think that they saw it as slightly subversive, which in many ways it was.
But l think if you're lndians and you've gone through partition, and you've left lndia for a better life, and come to Britain which ran an empire, was head of the Commonwealth, and everyone spoke English, you didn't want your kid to be influenced by people who dress up as women.
That's not why you travelled in the first place.
You travelled so your kid has a good education, and becomes a doctor, or a lawyer, or an engineer, something like that.
Not somebody who is quite patently a bloke, dressed as a woman with a high voice.
- Hello, Marge! - Hello, Janet.
How are you, love? Fancy seeing you! How is little Ralph? Oh, don't ask me! He's been nothing but trouble all morning.
Stop it, Ralph! Stop it! Same as my Kevin.
Nothing but trouble.
Leave it alone! He's just been in the Florentine room and smeared tomato ketchup all over Raphael's baby Jesus.
Put that Baroque masterpiece down! So, l think they found it slightly disturbing, that l'd be sitting there going, ''This is really funny!'' And they'd be going, ''This isn't funny.
''No, no.
Comedy is Dickens.
Dickens is comedy.
'' l was exposed to it at a young age, and like a form of inoculation, the virus of it grew in me as a child.
l remember shouting at my family to come, ''The programme's coming on.
''lt's starting.
Hurry up.
''You'll miss it! You'll miss it!'' You can't record it.
''Tell Dad to finish.
Come down.
We have to watch it right now.
'' Before l had a right to watch programmes like that.
lt's quite sophisticated, but as a kid you can appreciate the silliness of it and the childishness, ''Oh, yes!'' and people dressing up.
That's all right.
- Hello, Mrs Thing.
- Hello, Mrs Entity.
How are you, then? - Oh, l have had a morning! - Busy? Busy? Huh! l got up at five o'clock, l made myself a cup of tea, l looked out of the window, well, by then l was so worn out, l had to have a sit-down.
We'd talk about it, relive it and say, ''What was your favourite moment?'' Because you couldn't replay it.
What l would do, there were no VCRs, my mum might say, ''Did you see that?'' or her sister would say, ''Did you see that programme?'' And you couldn't replay it.
They'd said to me, ''Steve, do what was on the show last night.
'' So l would just be a video recorder.
l would just try to replicate what l had seen.
l would get angry if l saw people trying to describe what was in the show, and getting it wrong.
- l've been here for seven hours! - You must be exhausted! Have you been shopping? - No.
l've been shopping.
- That's funny.
l'm worn out.
l've been shopping for six hours.
- What have you bought, then? - Nothing.
Nothing at all.
A complete waste of time.
Wicked, isn't it? lt will be worse when we join the Common Market.
That nice Mr Heath would never allow that.
lt's funny he never married.
- He's a bachelor.
- That would explain it.
l think as the first series went on we realised that there were a lot of people who were equivocal at the start who were really beginning to get it.
l used to play football in Hyde Park, with some team.
Every Monday The first week was like, ''That was a weird fucking show you did last night.
'' The second week, ''That was a really strange show you did last night.
'' Then he said, ''l like that weird show you're doing, now.
'' lt grew on people.
Years later, the one sketch, it's one of my favourite Python sketches, that mum suddenly burst out laughing at, was the Fish Slapping Dance.
And you kind of go, the Fish Slapping Dance talks to people across generations and across the cultural divide.
That's what they should do, they should parachute in little mpegs of the Fish Slapping Dance into war-torn areas.
lnto lraq, Afghanistan.
Palestine.
The Palestine issue could be resolved by a bunch of people getting together and watching the Fish Slapping Dance.
Most of the comedy l had enjoyed, at least it understood the rules of comedy, you know, that you set up a joke and there was a punch line.
This just seemed bizarre to me, l didn't understand what was going on.
lt was making me laugh and l didn't understand why.
lt was completely baffling to me.
Genuinely perplexed.
What they did, with their subversion of the typical grammar of the comedy that preceded them, is they overrode the tedious white noise of end-of-the-pier humour.
When a joke is delivered in that fashion, it's no longer interesting.
Sometimes they were They can't be bothered to finish a sketch.
So they would have Graham Chapman come on and go, ''Stop it.
This is silly!'' They broke down that grammar, the way you receive information.
So, it's not like they couldn't think of a punch line, it was just that it was boring! Yes, you know, it's a man's life in England's mountains green.
Right, l heard that.
l'm going to stop this sketch now.
lf there's any more of this, l'll stop the whole programme.
lt was supposed to be about teeth.
Do something about teeth.
Go on.
What about my rustic monologue? l'm not sleeping with that producer again.
What they did, like all true innovative geniuses, is that they ignore the predilections of their immediate antecedents, like, comedy doesn't have to be like that, it doesn't have to be so prescriptive and formulaic.
Now, where does it go? lt's No, no.
Bloody hell.
There hadn't been a comedy show that had wonderful animation, not to that extent, so you knew straight away you were watching something different.
lt wasn't going to be quite the sort of thing you'd seen before.
Terry's animation was hugely important to Python, because just the animation itself was so well executed.
lt just seemed to get the timing right, the humour was right, this kind of absurdity, the surrealism of it was all right.
What he was doing was extraordinary.
He didn't know what he was doing, but his collaging of art made a whole new art form.
lt also sort of, you know, plastered over a lot of cracks in shows, where sketches didn't end in the right place or, you know, didn't even have an ending.
For he's a jolly good fellow Which nobody can deny lt's no good, Spider, you can't escape that easily.
We're coming in after you.
He would explore his own subconscious.
There was always something and he was always going into stomachs.
All right, we'll check the spleen.
So much of the show is still basic, just traditional sketch format, but by breaking it up as we did, it seemed to be new, l think, it seemed to be fresh and it also avoided embarrassing bits.
lt can go from one sketch into another sketch, and it doesn't feel like this is a new sketch.
You kind of just accept, you just go along with the ride.
l think it in some ways encapsulated how the world was changing.
Up until then, Spam had seemed like a perfectly normal, wholesome sort of food substance.
- What you got, then? - Well, there's egg and bacon.
Egg, sausage and bacon.
Egg and Spam.
Egg, bacon and Spam.
Egg, bacon, sausage and Spam.
Spam, bacon, sausage and Spam.
Spam eggs, Spam Spam, bacon and Spam.
Spam, Spam, Spam egg and Spam.
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam.
Or lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce, garnished with truffle pate, brandy and fried egg on top and Spam.
The Spam sketch was actually something l wrote, really.
Have you got anything without Spam in it? Well, Spam egg, sausage and Spam has not got much Spam in it.
l don't want any Spam.
Why can't she have egg, bacon, Spam and sausage? That's got Spam in it.
Not as much as Spam, egg, sausage and Spam.
Look, could l have egg, bacon, Spam and sausage without the Spam? lt's like one of those moments when you write something, and, you know, is this funny? l remember reading it to Mike and Mike saying, ''lt's all right.
lt's quite funny.
'' Then l think we put in bits about the Vikings and things like that.
l wanted to put those in.
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam Lovely Spam, wonderful Spam! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! We read it out.
l think Mike read it out in the group session, and John and Graham said that they'd take it away and rework it.
And so John and Graham rewrote it, and Mike and l felt they'd missed the point.
l don't know what it was, they'd missed the rhythm, the whole thing is a rhythm joke.
lt's just like, it's just rhythms.
And so, we absolutely, without saying anything to them, we just substituted our original sketch in the final shooting script.
And that's what we did.
l don't like Spam! Don't make a fuss, dear.
l'll have your Spam.
l love it.
With the Pythons, there is a lot of satirical stuff, but there is a thing about a curse on all your houses.
lt doesn't shut anyone out.
lt's very inclusive.
lf you get it, it doesn't really matter where you've come from.
lt doesn't matter what kind of day you've had, your ethnic background, your age, or anything like that.
They would take the piss out of a working-class guy.
You know, the Gumby l would put a tax on all people who stand in water.
.
.
and an upper-class guy l would tax the nude in my bed.
No.
Not tax.
What is the word? .
.
and, you know, women in the hairdressers and God knows what.
You know, so everybody was fair game.
That's the great thing about absurd and surreal comedy, is that, even a lot of Python stuff is based on word play, a lot of it is based on literary references and stuff like that.
lt's still absurd.
l suddenly felt that l kind of understood this world.
But, also, then it became a sort of currency within which you connected with other people, because other people got it, as well.
That became your community.
You didn't define your community by your ethnicity, or by where you lived.
Suddenly, there was a comedy ethnicity, which was much more interesting.
lt also made you feel a bit superior, because you got all the references.
You knew who Proust was.
And then you got beaten up by the kids who didn't know who Proust was.
Proust in his first book wrote about, wrote about Proust in his first book wrote about, he wrote about Proust in his first book, he wrote about, he wrote about He wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about He wrote about, he wrote about lt's a typical Python thing.
lt pretends to be intellectual, but isn't.
Nobody's fucking read Proust! But a Summarize Proust competition sounds very intellectual.
lt isn't, because nobody's read the fucking stuff.
Well, ladies and gentlemen.
l don't think any of our contestants this evening have succeeded in encapsulating the intricacies of Proust's masterwork, so l'm going to award the first prize this evening to the girl with the biggest tits.
What l loved about Monty Python is they would not compromise.
And l would hear sketches and laugh at things, and it's only as a child, and l wouldn't understand these references often.
There's stuff that l know, that l only know because of like, because l would have seen it in l wouldn't have known that Beethoven was deaf but for a Morrissey album and a Monty Python sketch.
l didn't know who Reginald Maudling was, you know.
A forgotten politician.
A lot of my education, and this is important if you've been state educated, is received by proxy from programmes like Python and Blackadder.
That's where l learned what those things mean.
La Fontaine, l mean, l didn't know, l had no idea what that meant, but these were funny words that Monty Python used, so it kind of worked in a rhythmic way.
There's was nothing supercilious or haughty about ''Oh, God, we know who Wittgenstein is.
'' lt's like, there's Wittgenstein's mum and look at his tits.
Like, sort of, it was never overtly like you don't notice that you're learning stuff.
And that's how education should work.
ln retrospect, had l said to my parents at any point while they were saying, ''Turn this rubbish off.
''Why are you watching these people? lt's a man.
''lt's patently a man and he's dressed as a woman.
'' lf l'd said, ''He went to Oxford.
'' They'd go, ''Really? lt's very good.
''Be like him.
Why don't you wear a dress?'' As you get older, you start to see traces of the fact that they are highly educated men with brilliant vocabularies and dangerous, subversive ideas.
All the Pythons are essentially middle class.
They are the sons of professional people.
And what their revolt is, really, is against their parents and their generation.
l don't think anybody really took Flying Circus to be as filthy and as subversive as it is, because it's so silly that you don't view it as being politically incendiary or anything like that, but it is.
l never thought of Pythons as being politically ''on the nose''.
Their genius was that they were wonderfully subversive.
Subversive in the sense that they would allow their imaginations, and impulses to take them places where we hadn't been before.
Don't say the kid's name, Vic.
Francesco Luigi We was too late.
The Reverend Nuke saw the light.
They are anti-Establishment because, of course, the architects they're always sending up, the programme planners they're always sending up, the accountants they've always got it in for.
All those people represented the kind of deferential society into which they'd been introduced by their parents.
Of course, that is finally political.
They've nailed the foibles and the characters in English society.
lt was a sociological triumph, really.
Oh, l've had such a morning in the High Court.
l could stamp my little feet the way those QCs carry on.
Don't l know it, love.
Objection here and objection there, and that nice policeman gave his evidence so well.
Beautiful speaking voice.
After a bit, all l could do was bang my little gavel.
- You what, love? - l banged me gavel.
l did me ''silence in court'' bit.
Ooh, if looks could kill, that prosecuting council would be in for thirty years.
They were anti-Establishment, but not, l mean A lot of the jokes were, again, this thing about becoming a little bit more, not abstract, but the sort of madness of it.
Come in.
- What do you want? - l'd like to leave the army, please, sir.
Good heavens, man.
Why? - lt's dangerous.
- What? - There are people with guns.
- What? Real guns, sir.
Not toy ones, sir, proper ones, sir.
They've all got 'em.
All of 'em, sir.
And some of 'em have got tanks.
Watkins, they are on our side.
And grenades, sir, and machine guns, sir.
So, l'd like to leave, sir, before l get killed, please.
You've only been in the army a day.
l know, sir, but people get killed.
Properly dead, sir.
No barley crossed fingers, sir.
A bloke was telling me if you're in the army and there's a war, you have to go and fight.
That's true.
Well, l mean, blimey, l mean, if it was a big war somebody could be hurt.
Watkins, why did you join the army? For the water-skiing and for the travel, sir.
You could say things that ordinarily you wouldn't be able to say, by having this comic licence, things that would be unacceptable if it weren't for the fact that you were making people laugh.
lt was your ''get out of jail free'' card.
Miss Rita Fairbanks, you organised this reconstruction of the Battle of Pearl Harbor.
Why? Well, we've always been extremely interested in modern drama.
We were, of course, the first townswomen's guild to perform Camp On Blood lsland and last year, of course, we did an extremely popular re-enactment of Nazi war atrocities.
So, this year we thought we'd like to do something in a lighter vein.
l think that Pythons were probably a little unsophisticated, so far as the fair sex was concerned.
And, l don't think that we would have felt very comfortable writing anything that approached a genuine love scene.
l think ''Ooh, dear.
We're English, after all.
'' ''This isn't emotion, this is sentiment, ''and, therefore, to be despised.
'' So, what we wrote was caricatured stuff, and, most of the time, it was the sort of stuff you saw when you went to a pantomime.
Well, l can see you're all ready to go, l'll wish you good luck in your latest venture.
Thank you very much, young man.
Ladies and gentlemen, the World of History is proud to present the premiere of the Batley Townswomen's Guild re-enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor.
And if we wrote something that was about sex, like the marriage guidance counsellor, then we brought in Carol Cleveland who was genuinely sexy.
But, most of the time, we stayed away from those areas.
Are you the marriage guidance counsellor? - Yes.
Good morning.
- Morning, sir.
And good morning to you, madam.
Name? Mr and Mrs Arthur Pewtey.
Pewtey.
And what is the name of your ravishing wife? Wait.
Don't tell me.
lt's something to do with moonlight.
lt goes with her eyes.
lt's soft and gentle, warm and yielding, deeply lyrical and yet tender and frightened like a tiny white rabbit.
lt's Deirdre.
lt was the producer/director at the time who took me on to be in only five that's all l was meant to be in, five episodes.
And, by the time we got to the second or third episode, the guys decided they liked me a lot.
They thought l fitted in beautifully and they put their foot down.
l wasn't going to be in any more episodes.
But they put their big Python foot down and said, ''No.
We want Carol.
We're not having anybody else.
'' So, thanks, guys.
Tonight, l want to examine the whole question of 18th-century social legislation .
.
its relevance to the hierarchical structure of post-Renaissance society .
.
and its impact on the future of parochial organisation in an expanding agrarian economy.
She just was so good at doing what she did.
And l can never work out how she does it, but Cos everybody could be so bizarre and strange, and she would just float right through it with lntegrity's a funny word for Carol, but there it is.
There's something that's so solid and she There were other girls in the show, but they never got it right.
They never seemed to get the way of performing right, and she got it.
To put England's social legislation in a European context, is Professor Gert Van Der Whoops of the Rijksmuseum in the Hague.
She always saw the irony of it.
There was always an extra twist.
She knew what she was sending up and how she was sending it up.
So, she would play the dumb blonde, but she was no dumb blonde.
Part of the reason l watched Python, this is terrible as a comedy fan, but l watched it for Carol Cleveland possibly getting her tits out.
You had a good shot at seeing a pair of tits, even cartoon tits.
They had that woman.
Carol Cleveland? l remember she was sort of sexy.
But no, l was in it for the songs and the voices.
Cos my interest in it predated my interest in breasts.
That must be hard for you to imagine.
You find, if you ask all these kids, the reason they were watching is cos they had bare breasts on that show.
Sometimes real, even.
A good 40 per cent of why l watched it was because it was naughty, and there might be boobs, which is terrible, really.
What's my favourite sketch? That's the hardest question you could ever ask a Python fan.
Favourite Monty Python sketch - Man! - Monty Python.
l'd have to think.
God, that's tricky.
lf l had a favourite sketch What would that be? l'd have a top ten.
The Mr Hilter sketch.
The fact that Hitler got away and is living in Minehead.
And, over here, is Mr Hilter.
Good afternoon.
Planning a little excursion, Mr Hilter? Ja.
Ja.
We make a little - Hike.
- Hiking.
We make a little hike for Bideford.
Oh, well, you'll be wanting the A39 there.
No.
No.
You've got the wrong map there.
This is Stalingrad.
You want the llfracombe and Barnstaple section.
Reginald.
You have the wrong map here, you silly old leg-before-wicket English person.
l'm sorry.
Sorry, mein Fuhrer, l did not Mein dickie old chum.
Lucky Mr Johnson pointed that out, eh? You wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad.
lf you say, ''Pick one and put it in the time capsule'' it would have to be the Parrot.
''l wish to register a complaint.
'' You know, l mean, we've all met them, haven't we? Hello.
l wish to register a complaint.
Hello, Miss.
What you mean ''Miss''? Oh, l'm sorry.
l have a cold.
l wish to make a complaint.
- We're closing for lunch.
- Never mind that.
l wish to complain about this parrot what l purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
The Norwegian Blue.
What's wrong with it? l'll tell you what's wrong.
lt's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
That humour of deniability and just the stubbornness, the way Palin plays it, it's just fantastic, fantastic.
No.
No.
lt's resting.
Look.
Look, my lad.
l know a dead parrot when l see one and l'm looking at one right now.
- No.
lt's not dead.
lt's resting.
- Resting? Yeah.
Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue.
Beautiful plumage, innit? The plumage don't enter into it.
lt's stone dead.
No.
No.
lt's resting.
All right, then.
lf it's resting l'll wake it up.
Hello, Polly.
l've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot.
- There, it moved.
- No, it didn't.
Just after l married Connie, beginning of '68, we did a show called How To lrritate People, and we wrote a sketch about a second-hand car salesman that was quite cliche, but it was based on a guy called Mr Gibbins, who Michael Palin used to buy cars from.
Michael would ring him up and say the gearbox is sticky.
Mr Gibbins would say, ''A quality car.
''You always get a sticky gearbox inside of a quality car.
'' A completely slippery person.
We wrote a second-hand car sketch and then, years later, looked at it and l said, ''There's something about this l like.
'' And we decided that the thing was to change into an animal.
We had a bit of a discussion about if it was a dog or a parrot.
ln the end, we just thought the parrot was funnier.
Look, my lad.
l've had just about enough of this.
That parrot is definitely deceased.
And when l bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Gray and l used to write out of the thesaurus all the time.
lf we couldn't think of something, l'd flip through the thesaurus and shout out words.
Plummet.
Cardigan.
And, sometimes, we would go And we'd be off.
Most the time, of course.
And, so, l just looked up ''Dead'', and there was this extraordinary, wonderful list of synonyms for dead and we started to write it.
This parrot is no more.
lt has ceased to be.
lt's expired and gone to meet its maker.
This is a late parrot.
One of the sketches where l remember being really amused, and thinking, ''Wow, this was really cheeky'', is the one where there appears to be a TV game show, centred around blackmail.
Hello, good evening and welcome to Blackmail.
To start tonight's programme, we go north to Preston in Lancashire, and Mrs Betty Teal.
Hello, Mrs Teal.
Now, this is for 15 pounds, and it's to stop us revealing the name of your lover in Bolton.
They show some footage of two people having an affair, shot on a grainy camera through a window, and say if you don't call soon and donate money, then we'll show the rest of it.
Hello, sir.
Hello.
Yes.
No, sir.
l'm sure you didn't.
lt's all right, sir.
We don't morally censure, we just want the money.
l just remember that being really amazing to me, because l'd never seen anyone explode the conventions of TV before.
l thought that was l mean, even though l came to it late, l'd never really seen someone mocking television before.
That just seemed really outrageous to me.
Really naughty, you know.
And kind of saucy and quite adult.
l remember that seeming quite exciting in a way.
Not at all, sir.
Thank you.
The eruption of the lnquisition into the room and the torture by a comfy armchair, that still makes me laugh.
l love that.
So, you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions? Well, we shall see.
Biggles! Put her in the comfy chair.
Now You will stay in the comfy chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.
- ls that really all it is? - Yes, lord.
l see.
l suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot? Confess, woman.
Confess.
Confess.
Confess.
Confess! l confess! Not you.
l like the one where he goes in lsn't it he goes into a shop and it's all about being a spy? Wasn't there one where it's all supposed to be passwords and the guy has no idea what he's talking about? l hear the gooseberries are doing well this year.
And so are the mangoes.
l'm sorry? Oh, l was just saying, thinking of the weather, l hear the gooseberries are doing well this year, and so are the mangoes.
- Mine aren't.
- Go on.
- What? - Go on.
Mine aren't but What? You say, mine aren't, but the big cheese gets his at low tide tonight.
No.
Oh.
Ah, good morning.
Wait.
And it's all code words and there's people with, l don't know, it's probably Cleese in a sort of trench coat, and everyone's looking like a spy and he's not.
How much do you know? Are you from the British Dental Association? - l'm a tobacconist.
- Get away from that door.
- l'll go over the other - Stay where you are.
- You'll never leave this bookshop alive.
- Why not? You know too much, my dental friend.
- l don't know anything.
- Come clean.
You're a dentist.
No.
l'm a tobacconist.
A tobacconist who just happens to be buying a book on teeth.
My favourite sketch is a strange one.
lt's the one where Graham and John are watching television and there's a penguin on top of the TV.
Funny that penguin being there, innit? What's it doing there? - Standing.
- l can see that.
lt's brilliant, because for the level of hilarity they were getting across they were very good at not laughing.
Penguins don't come from next door, they come from the Antarctic.
But, in that one sketch, l think Graham Chapman shouts Burma.
.
.
and then has to turn away.
- Why did you say Burma? - l panicked.
And l just remember watching it as a 15-year-old kid, just loving the fact that they found it funny and they were enjoying it.
And seeing them having such enormous fun, just dressing up as old women and being utterly batty.
- Lions don't moult.
- No, but penguins do.
There, l run rings round you logically.
Oh, intercourse the penguin.
lt's just gone eight o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.
l really like that one where Graham Chapman goes into a shop.
He goes, ''Oh, hello, Mr Luxury Yacht.
'' And he says, ''Oh, no, it's spelt Luxury Yacht, ''but it's pronounced 'Throatwobbler Mangrove'.
'' l have with me in the studio tonight, one of the country's leading skin specialists, Raymond Luxury Yacht.
That's not my name.
l'm sorry.
Raymond Luxury Yacht.
No, no, no.
lt's spelt ''Raymond Luxury Yacht'', but it's pronounced ''Throatwobbler Mangrove''.
The joy of ''Fucking hell, that sounds amazing.
'''Throatwobbler Mangrove', what does that mean? ''What could that ever mean? And it's spelt Luxury Yacht.
'' l like that.
You're a very silly man and l'm not going to interview you.
- Anti-Semitism.
- Not at all.
lt's not even a proper nose.
lt's polystyrene.
- Give me my nose back.
- You can collect it at reception.
- l want to be on television.
- You can't.
There is a such a thing as a classical sketch.
The other one is the slapstick one with the custard tarts.
First, the simple, straightforward offensive deposit.
Second Second, the simple sideways offensive deposit.
Next, the simple surprise deposit.
l remember them first doing that up at Edinburgh, l guess, and it had me rolling in the aisles.
And it still does.
l remember in the Piranha brothers where he goes, ''They called a week later, said l bought one of their fruit machines, ''and will l pay for it?'' How much did they want? ''Three-quarters of a million pounds.
'' Why didn't you call for the police? ''The bloke with the thermonuclear device was the chief constable for the area.
'' Anyway, a week later they come back, said the cheque had bounced and that l had to see Doug.
''Doug.
'' He pours a glass of water.
''l was terrified.
'' Everyone was terrified of Doug.
''l've seen men pull their heads off rather than see Doug.
'' Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug.
What did he do? ''He used sarcasm.
''He knew all the tricks.
'' - Dramatic irony.
- ''Metaphor, bathos.
'' Puns, parody, litotes.
- ''Hyperbole.
'' - And satire.
''He was vicious.
'' That sums up what they did.
Good afternoon, and welcome to Hurlingham Park.
You join us just as the competitors are running out onto the field, on this lovely winter's afternoon here, with the going firm underfoot and very little sign of rain.
l would probably have to go for Upper-Class Twit of the Year, because it was soaccurate.
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith has O level in kennel hygiene.
Simon Zinc-Trumpet-Harris, married to a very attractive table lamp.
lt was good that they poked fun at, you know, the sort of the upper classes, the Establishment.
Gervais Brook-Hamster.
He's in the Guards and his father uses him as a wastepaper basket.
And finally Oliver St John Mollusc, Harrow and the Guards, thought by many to be this year's outstanding Twit.
That was less sketch, more documentary.
l've met people like that.
And now they're coming into their first test, the straight line.
They've got to walk along this straight line without falling over.
And Oliver's over at the back there.
Simon's coming through quite fast on the outside.
Simon and Nigel, both coming very fast.
No, there's Nigel, l'm sorry, and on the outside there's Gervais, just out of shot lf you had to pick one, and go, ''This explains the ethos of what they're about,'' l would go with that, Upper-Class Twit of the Year.
Three layers of matchboxes to clear, and Simon's over! Vivian's over beautifully.
A jump of a lifetime.
lf only his father could understand.
Here's Nigel No, and Gervais is over.
Nigel's Nigel The Lumberjack Song is a wonderful theme lt's great, some of the live performances.
- How would you like it? - Short back and sides, please.
- How do you do that? - Ordinary short back and sides.
lt's not a razor cut.
Razor, razor, razor cut, blood, spurt, artery, murder! The Lumberjack Song totally came out of a sketch that we were writing about a barbershop, and we just couldn't think how to end it.
l'm going to cut your hair, sir.
l'm going to start cutting your hair, sir.
Start cutting.
Now.
Nice day, sir? Yes, the flowers could do with a drop of rain though.
You see the match last night, sir? Yeah, good game l thought.
l thought Hurst played well, sir.
- l beg your pardon? - l thought Hurst played well, sir.
Oh, yes, only one who did though.
- Put your head down a little.
- Oh, sorry.
l prefer to watch Palace nowadays.
Oh, sorry, was that your ear? No, no, didn't feel a thing.
What's going on? And l think l said, after you know, we were absolutely stuck, it was the end of the day and we really wanted to go and have a beer, and l said ''Why don't we just end with a song?'' You know, that's how they used to end Music Hall routines, if they couldn't get an ending, they'd end with a song.
l didn't want to be a barber anyway.
l wanted to be a lumberjack.
Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia.
The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty Scots pine.
The smell of fresh-cut timber.
The crash of mighty trees.
With my best girlie by my side.
We'd sing, sing, sing.
l'm a lumberjack and l'm OK l sleep all night, l work all day He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day And then l have blank, l cannot remember, l don't know whether Mike can, how we came up with a lumberjack, but it was written in about 20 minutes.
He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has buttered scones for tea l think we then rang up the group who organised the music on the Python shows, and hummed the tune to him and he set it to music.
Then we had a beer.
l cut down trees, l skip and jump, l like to press wild flowers l put on women's clothing and hang around in bars He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wild flowers He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars l like how they, the chorus, gradually become disgruntled and reject it.
They're going along with it, like that, that's what l like, ''What? No! We've been cajoled into agreeing with a lifestyle ''that we would condemn.
''This isn't what a lumberjack's about.
'' l cut down trees, l wear high heels, suspenders and a bra l wish l'd been a girlie, just like my dear mama Oh, Bevis! And l thought you were so rugged! ''Dear Sir, l wish to complain in the strongest possible terms ''about the song which you have just broadcast, ''about the lumberjack who wears women's clothes.
''Many of my best friends are lumberjacks and only a few of them are transvestites.
''Yours faithfully, Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Mrs).
''PS, l have never kissed the editor of the Radio Times.
'' lf you're an anarchic but intelligent bunch of people, you're going to run into trouble with the authorities, particularly since sending up the authorities is one of the routes of your humour.
One of the authorities they ran into difficulties with immediately was the BBC, the very people who were putting them on.
We were quite grumpy, l suppose, with the BBC.
We appreciated being able to do the show, but everything else had been closed in fairly tightly.
l remember Terry Gilliam, they paid him so little that he couldn't afford an assistant, so he had to do absolutely everything himself.
This was one of the early points of contention, because he was doing great stuff but no one was acknowledging it.
Panorama will be returning introduced as usual by Tony Jacklin and Lulu will be tackling the Old Man of Hoy.
For those of you who prefer drama, there's sport.
Early battles were to do with scheduling The show went out late anyway.
There was a feeling in the BBC that young people should not see this show.
We didn't mind so much, we accepted that, but then it would be taken off for three weeks.
You don't mind being bumped on for something important or an outbreak of World War Three, but Crufts Dog Show, give me a break.
They would change the time, pull us off, all of those things.
You can be mucked about by schedules but you've got to get used to that, you've got to produce a programme that people want on.
Python was establishing itself as a sort of cult show, and only later did we kind of realise how many people at university were sort of cramming in Whatever, you know, time it was on, they would sit and watch this show, you had to watch it.
The fact that some weeks it wasn't there, other weeks a different time, that was testing your loyalty to the programme.
So, l think we built up a lot of people who were jolly well going to see Python whatever the BBC did with it.
Hello, and welcome to this documentary containing new and exclusive interviews with the five surviving members of Monty Python.
The producers wish to make it clear that any opinions expressed herein are those of the individuals and hold no truth whatsoever.
Pursuant, therefore, to clause 4.
6 of the Broadcasting, Video, Television Act, 1989, subsection 4, 3 and 2, clause .
.
subject to clause 4.
123, no viewer or watcher may copy, repeat, impersonate, mime, either contextually or noncontextually, any material whatsoever in any public place, such as a street, pub, club, hotel, oil rig, Baptist church Python The documentary of Python lt's all about Moo-o-o-onty Python A no-holds-barred documentary That's the entirely the truthish! lt's the story of Python Here comes yet another one Similar but not quite the same as the last one A documentary of the team called Python Here is a preview of some programmes you'll see shortly on BBC Television.
A meeting was set up, we went in to see Michael Mills, who was the Head of Light Entertainment.
l always liked Michael, but it was a very strange meeting, cos everyone who went to see them in those days wore suits.
And we only wore jeans.
Gray and l were in sports jackets, and the other guys were being so bohemian in black leather jackets.
And he was very nice, and he said, ''What do you want to do?'' We said, ''We want to do a funny show.
'' He said ''What's the show going to be about?'' We said, ''We don't know, really.
'' He said, ''Well, now, what about film, are you going to use a lot of film?'' We said, ''Oh, fi ''Film.
Are we going to use film? Yeah, we'll probably use some film.
'' Then he said, ''Well, is it going to have any music in it?'' ''No, no, no.
'' ''ls it gonna have guest stars?'' ''We haven't thought about that.
'' He said, ''Well, what's it going to be called?'' ''Well, we haven't got a title.
'' lt was the worst interview that anyone or any group has ever done.
Then they all go looking at each other and saying, ''Well'' ''l'll give you 13 shows, but that's all!'' Just like That was great.
So, odd sort of double kind of confidence and no confidence.
Those were the good executive-free days of the BBC.
Now, that would only have happened at that time, that he would take such a huge risk on a completely unknown group.
Because l was the only one who was known as a performer at that time because l'd been in The Frost Report.
All the others had just done, in quotes, ''kids' television''.
The BBC was like the RAF in those days.
So people with pipes in the bar, saying, ''Well, time to go to the bar.
''Let's not waste time on these programme things.
'' The heads of the BBC, the heads of different departments, couldn't wait for five o'clock to get to the bar and get pissed.
And they let you get on with things.
They left it to individual producers and directors to get on with it.
They didn't read our first scripts.
We were not interfered with, and that doesn't happen now.
The BBC, particularly now, almost all television, there's so many executives, the pyramid has become inverted.
Before, it was a few people at the top and a lot of talent.
Now it's a little bit of talent and a lot of people sitting on top making important decisions about what goes or doesn't go.
Because we'd been obeying conventions that we didn't really agree with, for a very long period of time, it was really like someone opening the gate to a field full of flowers, none of which had been picked.
And we sort of ran into the field and it was so easy to pick them.
At the beginning of Python, we were trying to work out what the format was, how to do it.
l had done this one cartoon that Terry really liked, it was very stream of consciousness as a way of doing it.
Milligan was doing with his Q series He was breaking all the rules.
l mean, there were no rules, except there was a structure you could never work out.
lt was only the structure of his brain, l think, is what it was.
l thought, ''This is really free, what they're doing.
''They're commenting on themselves, stepping out of character, doing anything.
'' l thought that was fantastic.
l remember Terry Jones and l talking on the phone and saying, ''Did you see Spike's show?'' Terry said, ''l thought that's what we were going to do.
'' l said, ''l know, l mean, he's so far out ahead of the bunch.
'' And that enabled us, in a sense, you know What do they say? ''Dwarves standing on the shoulders of giants.
'' .
.
to go further than we could have without him.
Spike Milligan was very funny on the subject, because one day he would say, ''Those brave boys are flying the flag.
'' The next day he'd say, ''Those bastards are ripping me off.
'' This is a doctor sketch.
What do you want? Doctor, do you have anything for amnesia? A what? For people with bad memories, here it is again.
Here's what, again? Spike had done Q5 which had been very silly, very off the wall.
Your sketch has ended and there is a cheque in the post.
Another sketch will follow almost immediately.
He used to do sketches when the actor was doing the lines a caption would come up: ''John Bluthal, take-home pay 16 pounds, 43 pence.
'' ''Not weekends'' and all that, you know.
So, subversive stuff was being done.
Terry would say, ''Let's do it like my cartoons ''where we don't need punch lines.
'' Cos l'd been so aware Pete and Dud were doing their series.
They'd do these brilliant sketches great character stuff, great lines.
Then they'd have to end with a punch line, and it was like damp squib.
lt wasn't really very good.
So, let's get rid of the weak bits.
Just chop them out.
And that's where it seemed to work so well.
We'd get to a point in the sketch and think, ''lt doesn't work beyond that.
'' OK.
l take over at that point and try to get us to the next thing.
And it just freed us up.
OK.
All clear.
Coming up with a title for a show is more difficult than writing or performing a show in the same way that coming up with an album title is more difficult than recording the album.
Groups are well known for spending months trying to come up with a decent title after they've recorded a perfectly good album.
And it's the same with comedy shows.
Well, the BBC would never accept any titles we did.
Each of the first four shows has different titles: ''Owl-stretching time.
A Horse, A Spoon and a Basin.
''Bun Wackett Buzzard Stubble and Boot.
'' My favourite one is, l think, one of Jones's: ''You Can't Call A Show Cornflakes.
'' We would get very silly and giggle a lot and then, in the morning, telephone each other, shamefaced, and say, ''No.
No.
Forget it.
Forget it.
'' They referred to it as Barry Took's Flying Circus in their contracts.
Barry Took was responsible for it.
l think Michael Palin said it should be Gwen Dibley's Flying Circus.
Somebody in his village was called Gwen Dibley, and how wonderful for her to see she had a show.
That seemed good.
Flying Circus had a nice ring to it.
Then, we just sat around throwing names around.
l can't remember which came first, Python or Monty.
l said Monty because there was a chap in our pub in Mappleborough Green called Monty, had a little bow tie, one of those bar types.
People said, ''Has Monty been in?'' ''Has Monty come in?'' ''Monty'' was clearly some shabby talent agent on Shaftesbury Avenue.
And ''Python'' was as snaky and slimy as you'd hope.
On this particular occasion, we giggled and giggled and giggled, and the next morning, we didn't ring around, we still liked it.
Monty Python's Flying Circus.
This was us.
Would people like us or hate us? Were we getting the balance right? l still remember as Gray and Terry Jones did that very first of all our sketches, which was about the sheep who could fly.
Good afternoon.
Afternoon.
Lovely day, isn't it? l remember Michael and l had had a conversation in the dressing room just beforehand.
l said to him, ''Do you realise, we could be the first people in history ''to do a 30-minute comedy show to complete silence?'' He said, ''l was having the same thought.
'' We just didn't know how funny it was.
We thought it was funny.
So, we really didn't know whether it was going to work at all for anyone.
lt's my belief that these sheep are labouring under the misapprehension that they're birds.
Observe their behaviour.
Take for a start the sheep's tendency to hop about the field on their back legs.
Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree.
Notice they do not so much fly as plummet.
Those early shows are actually very challenging.
They do drop sheep suddenly in the middle of nowhere, for no reason at all.
They're actually quite situationist shows.
Some people quite close to us obviously said, ''Very good'', then rushed off.
There weren't that many people who came to the bar afterwards, and it had been quiet in the audience, that's how l remember it.
There were stories of coach loads of dear old pensioners, coming and thinking it was a circus.
That clip of the little old ladies, that's how our first audience was.
They were people who want to go and see a nice Saturday night variety show.
l remember after the first recording thinking it hadn't worked.
lt was only by about show four or five, that we started getting feedback.
That was in the form of letters to the BBC from school kids.
There's a good measure in life as to what is culturally important, and that is, those shows that divide the generations.
lf older people start tut-tutting, and young people are having a wonderful time, you probably know you've hit on something interesting.
l first discovered Monty Python through people at my junior school who were watching it.
Everyone else was talking about this mad programme.
Some people had seen Monty Python and some hadn't.
lf you hadn't seen Monty Python, you were just completely left utterly baffled about what was going on.
Good evening.
For my parents, l think they didn't get Monty Python at all.
l think that they saw it as slightly subversive, which in many ways it was.
But l think if you're lndians and you've gone through partition, and you've left lndia for a better life, and come to Britain which ran an empire, was head of the Commonwealth, and everyone spoke English, you didn't want your kid to be influenced by people who dress up as women.
That's not why you travelled in the first place.
You travelled so your kid has a good education, and becomes a doctor, or a lawyer, or an engineer, something like that.
Not somebody who is quite patently a bloke, dressed as a woman with a high voice.
- Hello, Marge! - Hello, Janet.
How are you, love? Fancy seeing you! How is little Ralph? Oh, don't ask me! He's been nothing but trouble all morning.
Stop it, Ralph! Stop it! Same as my Kevin.
Nothing but trouble.
Leave it alone! He's just been in the Florentine room and smeared tomato ketchup all over Raphael's baby Jesus.
Put that Baroque masterpiece down! So, l think they found it slightly disturbing, that l'd be sitting there going, ''This is really funny!'' And they'd be going, ''This isn't funny.
''No, no.
Comedy is Dickens.
Dickens is comedy.
'' l was exposed to it at a young age, and like a form of inoculation, the virus of it grew in me as a child.
l remember shouting at my family to come, ''The programme's coming on.
''lt's starting.
Hurry up.
''You'll miss it! You'll miss it!'' You can't record it.
''Tell Dad to finish.
Come down.
We have to watch it right now.
'' Before l had a right to watch programmes like that.
lt's quite sophisticated, but as a kid you can appreciate the silliness of it and the childishness, ''Oh, yes!'' and people dressing up.
That's all right.
- Hello, Mrs Thing.
- Hello, Mrs Entity.
How are you, then? - Oh, l have had a morning! - Busy? Busy? Huh! l got up at five o'clock, l made myself a cup of tea, l looked out of the window, well, by then l was so worn out, l had to have a sit-down.
We'd talk about it, relive it and say, ''What was your favourite moment?'' Because you couldn't replay it.
What l would do, there were no VCRs, my mum might say, ''Did you see that?'' or her sister would say, ''Did you see that programme?'' And you couldn't replay it.
They'd said to me, ''Steve, do what was on the show last night.
'' So l would just be a video recorder.
l would just try to replicate what l had seen.
l would get angry if l saw people trying to describe what was in the show, and getting it wrong.
- l've been here for seven hours! - You must be exhausted! Have you been shopping? - No.
l've been shopping.
- That's funny.
l'm worn out.
l've been shopping for six hours.
- What have you bought, then? - Nothing.
Nothing at all.
A complete waste of time.
Wicked, isn't it? lt will be worse when we join the Common Market.
That nice Mr Heath would never allow that.
lt's funny he never married.
- He's a bachelor.
- That would explain it.
l think as the first series went on we realised that there were a lot of people who were equivocal at the start who were really beginning to get it.
l used to play football in Hyde Park, with some team.
Every Monday The first week was like, ''That was a weird fucking show you did last night.
'' The second week, ''That was a really strange show you did last night.
'' Then he said, ''l like that weird show you're doing, now.
'' lt grew on people.
Years later, the one sketch, it's one of my favourite Python sketches, that mum suddenly burst out laughing at, was the Fish Slapping Dance.
And you kind of go, the Fish Slapping Dance talks to people across generations and across the cultural divide.
That's what they should do, they should parachute in little mpegs of the Fish Slapping Dance into war-torn areas.
lnto lraq, Afghanistan.
Palestine.
The Palestine issue could be resolved by a bunch of people getting together and watching the Fish Slapping Dance.
Most of the comedy l had enjoyed, at least it understood the rules of comedy, you know, that you set up a joke and there was a punch line.
This just seemed bizarre to me, l didn't understand what was going on.
lt was making me laugh and l didn't understand why.
lt was completely baffling to me.
Genuinely perplexed.
What they did, with their subversion of the typical grammar of the comedy that preceded them, is they overrode the tedious white noise of end-of-the-pier humour.
When a joke is delivered in that fashion, it's no longer interesting.
Sometimes they were They can't be bothered to finish a sketch.
So they would have Graham Chapman come on and go, ''Stop it.
This is silly!'' They broke down that grammar, the way you receive information.
So, it's not like they couldn't think of a punch line, it was just that it was boring! Yes, you know, it's a man's life in England's mountains green.
Right, l heard that.
l'm going to stop this sketch now.
lf there's any more of this, l'll stop the whole programme.
lt was supposed to be about teeth.
Do something about teeth.
Go on.
What about my rustic monologue? l'm not sleeping with that producer again.
What they did, like all true innovative geniuses, is that they ignore the predilections of their immediate antecedents, like, comedy doesn't have to be like that, it doesn't have to be so prescriptive and formulaic.
Now, where does it go? lt's No, no.
Bloody hell.
There hadn't been a comedy show that had wonderful animation, not to that extent, so you knew straight away you were watching something different.
lt wasn't going to be quite the sort of thing you'd seen before.
Terry's animation was hugely important to Python, because just the animation itself was so well executed.
lt just seemed to get the timing right, the humour was right, this kind of absurdity, the surrealism of it was all right.
What he was doing was extraordinary.
He didn't know what he was doing, but his collaging of art made a whole new art form.
lt also sort of, you know, plastered over a lot of cracks in shows, where sketches didn't end in the right place or, you know, didn't even have an ending.
For he's a jolly good fellow Which nobody can deny lt's no good, Spider, you can't escape that easily.
We're coming in after you.
He would explore his own subconscious.
There was always something and he was always going into stomachs.
All right, we'll check the spleen.
So much of the show is still basic, just traditional sketch format, but by breaking it up as we did, it seemed to be new, l think, it seemed to be fresh and it also avoided embarrassing bits.
lt can go from one sketch into another sketch, and it doesn't feel like this is a new sketch.
You kind of just accept, you just go along with the ride.
l think it in some ways encapsulated how the world was changing.
Up until then, Spam had seemed like a perfectly normal, wholesome sort of food substance.
- What you got, then? - Well, there's egg and bacon.
Egg, sausage and bacon.
Egg and Spam.
Egg, bacon and Spam.
Egg, bacon, sausage and Spam.
Spam, bacon, sausage and Spam.
Spam eggs, Spam Spam, bacon and Spam.
Spam, Spam, Spam egg and Spam.
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam.
Or lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce, garnished with truffle pate, brandy and fried egg on top and Spam.
The Spam sketch was actually something l wrote, really.
Have you got anything without Spam in it? Well, Spam egg, sausage and Spam has not got much Spam in it.
l don't want any Spam.
Why can't she have egg, bacon, Spam and sausage? That's got Spam in it.
Not as much as Spam, egg, sausage and Spam.
Look, could l have egg, bacon, Spam and sausage without the Spam? lt's like one of those moments when you write something, and, you know, is this funny? l remember reading it to Mike and Mike saying, ''lt's all right.
lt's quite funny.
'' Then l think we put in bits about the Vikings and things like that.
l wanted to put those in.
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam Lovely Spam, wonderful Spam! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! We read it out.
l think Mike read it out in the group session, and John and Graham said that they'd take it away and rework it.
And so John and Graham rewrote it, and Mike and l felt they'd missed the point.
l don't know what it was, they'd missed the rhythm, the whole thing is a rhythm joke.
lt's just like, it's just rhythms.
And so, we absolutely, without saying anything to them, we just substituted our original sketch in the final shooting script.
And that's what we did.
l don't like Spam! Don't make a fuss, dear.
l'll have your Spam.
l love it.
With the Pythons, there is a lot of satirical stuff, but there is a thing about a curse on all your houses.
lt doesn't shut anyone out.
lt's very inclusive.
lf you get it, it doesn't really matter where you've come from.
lt doesn't matter what kind of day you've had, your ethnic background, your age, or anything like that.
They would take the piss out of a working-class guy.
You know, the Gumby l would put a tax on all people who stand in water.
.
.
and an upper-class guy l would tax the nude in my bed.
No.
Not tax.
What is the word? .
.
and, you know, women in the hairdressers and God knows what.
You know, so everybody was fair game.
That's the great thing about absurd and surreal comedy, is that, even a lot of Python stuff is based on word play, a lot of it is based on literary references and stuff like that.
lt's still absurd.
l suddenly felt that l kind of understood this world.
But, also, then it became a sort of currency within which you connected with other people, because other people got it, as well.
That became your community.
You didn't define your community by your ethnicity, or by where you lived.
Suddenly, there was a comedy ethnicity, which was much more interesting.
lt also made you feel a bit superior, because you got all the references.
You knew who Proust was.
And then you got beaten up by the kids who didn't know who Proust was.
Proust in his first book wrote about, wrote about Proust in his first book wrote about, he wrote about Proust in his first book, he wrote about, he wrote about He wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about He wrote about, he wrote about lt's a typical Python thing.
lt pretends to be intellectual, but isn't.
Nobody's fucking read Proust! But a Summarize Proust competition sounds very intellectual.
lt isn't, because nobody's read the fucking stuff.
Well, ladies and gentlemen.
l don't think any of our contestants this evening have succeeded in encapsulating the intricacies of Proust's masterwork, so l'm going to award the first prize this evening to the girl with the biggest tits.
What l loved about Monty Python is they would not compromise.
And l would hear sketches and laugh at things, and it's only as a child, and l wouldn't understand these references often.
There's stuff that l know, that l only know because of like, because l would have seen it in l wouldn't have known that Beethoven was deaf but for a Morrissey album and a Monty Python sketch.
l didn't know who Reginald Maudling was, you know.
A forgotten politician.
A lot of my education, and this is important if you've been state educated, is received by proxy from programmes like Python and Blackadder.
That's where l learned what those things mean.
La Fontaine, l mean, l didn't know, l had no idea what that meant, but these were funny words that Monty Python used, so it kind of worked in a rhythmic way.
There's was nothing supercilious or haughty about ''Oh, God, we know who Wittgenstein is.
'' lt's like, there's Wittgenstein's mum and look at his tits.
Like, sort of, it was never overtly like you don't notice that you're learning stuff.
And that's how education should work.
ln retrospect, had l said to my parents at any point while they were saying, ''Turn this rubbish off.
''Why are you watching these people? lt's a man.
''lt's patently a man and he's dressed as a woman.
'' lf l'd said, ''He went to Oxford.
'' They'd go, ''Really? lt's very good.
''Be like him.
Why don't you wear a dress?'' As you get older, you start to see traces of the fact that they are highly educated men with brilliant vocabularies and dangerous, subversive ideas.
All the Pythons are essentially middle class.
They are the sons of professional people.
And what their revolt is, really, is against their parents and their generation.
l don't think anybody really took Flying Circus to be as filthy and as subversive as it is, because it's so silly that you don't view it as being politically incendiary or anything like that, but it is.
l never thought of Pythons as being politically ''on the nose''.
Their genius was that they were wonderfully subversive.
Subversive in the sense that they would allow their imaginations, and impulses to take them places where we hadn't been before.
Don't say the kid's name, Vic.
Francesco Luigi We was too late.
The Reverend Nuke saw the light.
They are anti-Establishment because, of course, the architects they're always sending up, the programme planners they're always sending up, the accountants they've always got it in for.
All those people represented the kind of deferential society into which they'd been introduced by their parents.
Of course, that is finally political.
They've nailed the foibles and the characters in English society.
lt was a sociological triumph, really.
Oh, l've had such a morning in the High Court.
l could stamp my little feet the way those QCs carry on.
Don't l know it, love.
Objection here and objection there, and that nice policeman gave his evidence so well.
Beautiful speaking voice.
After a bit, all l could do was bang my little gavel.
- You what, love? - l banged me gavel.
l did me ''silence in court'' bit.
Ooh, if looks could kill, that prosecuting council would be in for thirty years.
They were anti-Establishment, but not, l mean A lot of the jokes were, again, this thing about becoming a little bit more, not abstract, but the sort of madness of it.
Come in.
- What do you want? - l'd like to leave the army, please, sir.
Good heavens, man.
Why? - lt's dangerous.
- What? - There are people with guns.
- What? Real guns, sir.
Not toy ones, sir, proper ones, sir.
They've all got 'em.
All of 'em, sir.
And some of 'em have got tanks.
Watkins, they are on our side.
And grenades, sir, and machine guns, sir.
So, l'd like to leave, sir, before l get killed, please.
You've only been in the army a day.
l know, sir, but people get killed.
Properly dead, sir.
No barley crossed fingers, sir.
A bloke was telling me if you're in the army and there's a war, you have to go and fight.
That's true.
Well, l mean, blimey, l mean, if it was a big war somebody could be hurt.
Watkins, why did you join the army? For the water-skiing and for the travel, sir.
You could say things that ordinarily you wouldn't be able to say, by having this comic licence, things that would be unacceptable if it weren't for the fact that you were making people laugh.
lt was your ''get out of jail free'' card.
Miss Rita Fairbanks, you organised this reconstruction of the Battle of Pearl Harbor.
Why? Well, we've always been extremely interested in modern drama.
We were, of course, the first townswomen's guild to perform Camp On Blood lsland and last year, of course, we did an extremely popular re-enactment of Nazi war atrocities.
So, this year we thought we'd like to do something in a lighter vein.
l think that Pythons were probably a little unsophisticated, so far as the fair sex was concerned.
And, l don't think that we would have felt very comfortable writing anything that approached a genuine love scene.
l think ''Ooh, dear.
We're English, after all.
'' ''This isn't emotion, this is sentiment, ''and, therefore, to be despised.
'' So, what we wrote was caricatured stuff, and, most of the time, it was the sort of stuff you saw when you went to a pantomime.
Well, l can see you're all ready to go, l'll wish you good luck in your latest venture.
Thank you very much, young man.
Ladies and gentlemen, the World of History is proud to present the premiere of the Batley Townswomen's Guild re-enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor.
And if we wrote something that was about sex, like the marriage guidance counsellor, then we brought in Carol Cleveland who was genuinely sexy.
But, most of the time, we stayed away from those areas.
Are you the marriage guidance counsellor? - Yes.
Good morning.
- Morning, sir.
And good morning to you, madam.
Name? Mr and Mrs Arthur Pewtey.
Pewtey.
And what is the name of your ravishing wife? Wait.
Don't tell me.
lt's something to do with moonlight.
lt goes with her eyes.
lt's soft and gentle, warm and yielding, deeply lyrical and yet tender and frightened like a tiny white rabbit.
lt's Deirdre.
lt was the producer/director at the time who took me on to be in only five that's all l was meant to be in, five episodes.
And, by the time we got to the second or third episode, the guys decided they liked me a lot.
They thought l fitted in beautifully and they put their foot down.
l wasn't going to be in any more episodes.
But they put their big Python foot down and said, ''No.
We want Carol.
We're not having anybody else.
'' So, thanks, guys.
Tonight, l want to examine the whole question of 18th-century social legislation .
.
its relevance to the hierarchical structure of post-Renaissance society .
.
and its impact on the future of parochial organisation in an expanding agrarian economy.
She just was so good at doing what she did.
And l can never work out how she does it, but Cos everybody could be so bizarre and strange, and she would just float right through it with lntegrity's a funny word for Carol, but there it is.
There's something that's so solid and she There were other girls in the show, but they never got it right.
They never seemed to get the way of performing right, and she got it.
To put England's social legislation in a European context, is Professor Gert Van Der Whoops of the Rijksmuseum in the Hague.
She always saw the irony of it.
There was always an extra twist.
She knew what she was sending up and how she was sending it up.
So, she would play the dumb blonde, but she was no dumb blonde.
Part of the reason l watched Python, this is terrible as a comedy fan, but l watched it for Carol Cleveland possibly getting her tits out.
You had a good shot at seeing a pair of tits, even cartoon tits.
They had that woman.
Carol Cleveland? l remember she was sort of sexy.
But no, l was in it for the songs and the voices.
Cos my interest in it predated my interest in breasts.
That must be hard for you to imagine.
You find, if you ask all these kids, the reason they were watching is cos they had bare breasts on that show.
Sometimes real, even.
A good 40 per cent of why l watched it was because it was naughty, and there might be boobs, which is terrible, really.
What's my favourite sketch? That's the hardest question you could ever ask a Python fan.
Favourite Monty Python sketch - Man! - Monty Python.
l'd have to think.
God, that's tricky.
lf l had a favourite sketch What would that be? l'd have a top ten.
The Mr Hilter sketch.
The fact that Hitler got away and is living in Minehead.
And, over here, is Mr Hilter.
Good afternoon.
Planning a little excursion, Mr Hilter? Ja.
Ja.
We make a little - Hike.
- Hiking.
We make a little hike for Bideford.
Oh, well, you'll be wanting the A39 there.
No.
No.
You've got the wrong map there.
This is Stalingrad.
You want the llfracombe and Barnstaple section.
Reginald.
You have the wrong map here, you silly old leg-before-wicket English person.
l'm sorry.
Sorry, mein Fuhrer, l did not Mein dickie old chum.
Lucky Mr Johnson pointed that out, eh? You wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad.
lf you say, ''Pick one and put it in the time capsule'' it would have to be the Parrot.
''l wish to register a complaint.
'' You know, l mean, we've all met them, haven't we? Hello.
l wish to register a complaint.
Hello, Miss.
What you mean ''Miss''? Oh, l'm sorry.
l have a cold.
l wish to make a complaint.
- We're closing for lunch.
- Never mind that.
l wish to complain about this parrot what l purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
The Norwegian Blue.
What's wrong with it? l'll tell you what's wrong.
lt's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
That humour of deniability and just the stubbornness, the way Palin plays it, it's just fantastic, fantastic.
No.
No.
lt's resting.
Look.
Look, my lad.
l know a dead parrot when l see one and l'm looking at one right now.
- No.
lt's not dead.
lt's resting.
- Resting? Yeah.
Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue.
Beautiful plumage, innit? The plumage don't enter into it.
lt's stone dead.
No.
No.
lt's resting.
All right, then.
lf it's resting l'll wake it up.
Hello, Polly.
l've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot.
- There, it moved.
- No, it didn't.
Just after l married Connie, beginning of '68, we did a show called How To lrritate People, and we wrote a sketch about a second-hand car salesman that was quite cliche, but it was based on a guy called Mr Gibbins, who Michael Palin used to buy cars from.
Michael would ring him up and say the gearbox is sticky.
Mr Gibbins would say, ''A quality car.
''You always get a sticky gearbox inside of a quality car.
'' A completely slippery person.
We wrote a second-hand car sketch and then, years later, looked at it and l said, ''There's something about this l like.
'' And we decided that the thing was to change into an animal.
We had a bit of a discussion about if it was a dog or a parrot.
ln the end, we just thought the parrot was funnier.
Look, my lad.
l've had just about enough of this.
That parrot is definitely deceased.
And when l bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Gray and l used to write out of the thesaurus all the time.
lf we couldn't think of something, l'd flip through the thesaurus and shout out words.
Plummet.
Cardigan.
And, sometimes, we would go And we'd be off.
Most the time, of course.
And, so, l just looked up ''Dead'', and there was this extraordinary, wonderful list of synonyms for dead and we started to write it.
This parrot is no more.
lt has ceased to be.
lt's expired and gone to meet its maker.
This is a late parrot.
One of the sketches where l remember being really amused, and thinking, ''Wow, this was really cheeky'', is the one where there appears to be a TV game show, centred around blackmail.
Hello, good evening and welcome to Blackmail.
To start tonight's programme, we go north to Preston in Lancashire, and Mrs Betty Teal.
Hello, Mrs Teal.
Now, this is for 15 pounds, and it's to stop us revealing the name of your lover in Bolton.
They show some footage of two people having an affair, shot on a grainy camera through a window, and say if you don't call soon and donate money, then we'll show the rest of it.
Hello, sir.
Hello.
Yes.
No, sir.
l'm sure you didn't.
lt's all right, sir.
We don't morally censure, we just want the money.
l just remember that being really amazing to me, because l'd never seen anyone explode the conventions of TV before.
l thought that was l mean, even though l came to it late, l'd never really seen someone mocking television before.
That just seemed really outrageous to me.
Really naughty, you know.
And kind of saucy and quite adult.
l remember that seeming quite exciting in a way.
Not at all, sir.
Thank you.
The eruption of the lnquisition into the room and the torture by a comfy armchair, that still makes me laugh.
l love that.
So, you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions? Well, we shall see.
Biggles! Put her in the comfy chair.
Now You will stay in the comfy chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.
- ls that really all it is? - Yes, lord.
l see.
l suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot? Confess, woman.
Confess.
Confess.
Confess.
Confess! l confess! Not you.
l like the one where he goes in lsn't it he goes into a shop and it's all about being a spy? Wasn't there one where it's all supposed to be passwords and the guy has no idea what he's talking about? l hear the gooseberries are doing well this year.
And so are the mangoes.
l'm sorry? Oh, l was just saying, thinking of the weather, l hear the gooseberries are doing well this year, and so are the mangoes.
- Mine aren't.
- Go on.
- What? - Go on.
Mine aren't but What? You say, mine aren't, but the big cheese gets his at low tide tonight.
No.
Oh.
Ah, good morning.
Wait.
And it's all code words and there's people with, l don't know, it's probably Cleese in a sort of trench coat, and everyone's looking like a spy and he's not.
How much do you know? Are you from the British Dental Association? - l'm a tobacconist.
- Get away from that door.
- l'll go over the other - Stay where you are.
- You'll never leave this bookshop alive.
- Why not? You know too much, my dental friend.
- l don't know anything.
- Come clean.
You're a dentist.
No.
l'm a tobacconist.
A tobacconist who just happens to be buying a book on teeth.
My favourite sketch is a strange one.
lt's the one where Graham and John are watching television and there's a penguin on top of the TV.
Funny that penguin being there, innit? What's it doing there? - Standing.
- l can see that.
lt's brilliant, because for the level of hilarity they were getting across they were very good at not laughing.
Penguins don't come from next door, they come from the Antarctic.
But, in that one sketch, l think Graham Chapman shouts Burma.
.
.
and then has to turn away.
- Why did you say Burma? - l panicked.
And l just remember watching it as a 15-year-old kid, just loving the fact that they found it funny and they were enjoying it.
And seeing them having such enormous fun, just dressing up as old women and being utterly batty.
- Lions don't moult.
- No, but penguins do.
There, l run rings round you logically.
Oh, intercourse the penguin.
lt's just gone eight o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.
l really like that one where Graham Chapman goes into a shop.
He goes, ''Oh, hello, Mr Luxury Yacht.
'' And he says, ''Oh, no, it's spelt Luxury Yacht, ''but it's pronounced 'Throatwobbler Mangrove'.
'' l have with me in the studio tonight, one of the country's leading skin specialists, Raymond Luxury Yacht.
That's not my name.
l'm sorry.
Raymond Luxury Yacht.
No, no, no.
lt's spelt ''Raymond Luxury Yacht'', but it's pronounced ''Throatwobbler Mangrove''.
The joy of ''Fucking hell, that sounds amazing.
'''Throatwobbler Mangrove', what does that mean? ''What could that ever mean? And it's spelt Luxury Yacht.
'' l like that.
You're a very silly man and l'm not going to interview you.
- Anti-Semitism.
- Not at all.
lt's not even a proper nose.
lt's polystyrene.
- Give me my nose back.
- You can collect it at reception.
- l want to be on television.
- You can't.
There is a such a thing as a classical sketch.
The other one is the slapstick one with the custard tarts.
First, the simple, straightforward offensive deposit.
Second Second, the simple sideways offensive deposit.
Next, the simple surprise deposit.
l remember them first doing that up at Edinburgh, l guess, and it had me rolling in the aisles.
And it still does.
l remember in the Piranha brothers where he goes, ''They called a week later, said l bought one of their fruit machines, ''and will l pay for it?'' How much did they want? ''Three-quarters of a million pounds.
'' Why didn't you call for the police? ''The bloke with the thermonuclear device was the chief constable for the area.
'' Anyway, a week later they come back, said the cheque had bounced and that l had to see Doug.
''Doug.
'' He pours a glass of water.
''l was terrified.
'' Everyone was terrified of Doug.
''l've seen men pull their heads off rather than see Doug.
'' Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug.
What did he do? ''He used sarcasm.
''He knew all the tricks.
'' - Dramatic irony.
- ''Metaphor, bathos.
'' Puns, parody, litotes.
- ''Hyperbole.
'' - And satire.
''He was vicious.
'' That sums up what they did.
Good afternoon, and welcome to Hurlingham Park.
You join us just as the competitors are running out onto the field, on this lovely winter's afternoon here, with the going firm underfoot and very little sign of rain.
l would probably have to go for Upper-Class Twit of the Year, because it was soaccurate.
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith has O level in kennel hygiene.
Simon Zinc-Trumpet-Harris, married to a very attractive table lamp.
lt was good that they poked fun at, you know, the sort of the upper classes, the Establishment.
Gervais Brook-Hamster.
He's in the Guards and his father uses him as a wastepaper basket.
And finally Oliver St John Mollusc, Harrow and the Guards, thought by many to be this year's outstanding Twit.
That was less sketch, more documentary.
l've met people like that.
And now they're coming into their first test, the straight line.
They've got to walk along this straight line without falling over.
And Oliver's over at the back there.
Simon's coming through quite fast on the outside.
Simon and Nigel, both coming very fast.
No, there's Nigel, l'm sorry, and on the outside there's Gervais, just out of shot lf you had to pick one, and go, ''This explains the ethos of what they're about,'' l would go with that, Upper-Class Twit of the Year.
Three layers of matchboxes to clear, and Simon's over! Vivian's over beautifully.
A jump of a lifetime.
lf only his father could understand.
Here's Nigel No, and Gervais is over.
Nigel's Nigel The Lumberjack Song is a wonderful theme lt's great, some of the live performances.
- How would you like it? - Short back and sides, please.
- How do you do that? - Ordinary short back and sides.
lt's not a razor cut.
Razor, razor, razor cut, blood, spurt, artery, murder! The Lumberjack Song totally came out of a sketch that we were writing about a barbershop, and we just couldn't think how to end it.
l'm going to cut your hair, sir.
l'm going to start cutting your hair, sir.
Start cutting.
Now.
Nice day, sir? Yes, the flowers could do with a drop of rain though.
You see the match last night, sir? Yeah, good game l thought.
l thought Hurst played well, sir.
- l beg your pardon? - l thought Hurst played well, sir.
Oh, yes, only one who did though.
- Put your head down a little.
- Oh, sorry.
l prefer to watch Palace nowadays.
Oh, sorry, was that your ear? No, no, didn't feel a thing.
What's going on? And l think l said, after you know, we were absolutely stuck, it was the end of the day and we really wanted to go and have a beer, and l said ''Why don't we just end with a song?'' You know, that's how they used to end Music Hall routines, if they couldn't get an ending, they'd end with a song.
l didn't want to be a barber anyway.
l wanted to be a lumberjack.
Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia.
The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty Scots pine.
The smell of fresh-cut timber.
The crash of mighty trees.
With my best girlie by my side.
We'd sing, sing, sing.
l'm a lumberjack and l'm OK l sleep all night, l work all day He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day And then l have blank, l cannot remember, l don't know whether Mike can, how we came up with a lumberjack, but it was written in about 20 minutes.
He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has buttered scones for tea l think we then rang up the group who organised the music on the Python shows, and hummed the tune to him and he set it to music.
Then we had a beer.
l cut down trees, l skip and jump, l like to press wild flowers l put on women's clothing and hang around in bars He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wild flowers He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars l like how they, the chorus, gradually become disgruntled and reject it.
They're going along with it, like that, that's what l like, ''What? No! We've been cajoled into agreeing with a lifestyle ''that we would condemn.
''This isn't what a lumberjack's about.
'' l cut down trees, l wear high heels, suspenders and a bra l wish l'd been a girlie, just like my dear mama Oh, Bevis! And l thought you were so rugged! ''Dear Sir, l wish to complain in the strongest possible terms ''about the song which you have just broadcast, ''about the lumberjack who wears women's clothes.
''Many of my best friends are lumberjacks and only a few of them are transvestites.
''Yours faithfully, Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Mrs).
''PS, l have never kissed the editor of the Radio Times.
'' lf you're an anarchic but intelligent bunch of people, you're going to run into trouble with the authorities, particularly since sending up the authorities is one of the routes of your humour.
One of the authorities they ran into difficulties with immediately was the BBC, the very people who were putting them on.
We were quite grumpy, l suppose, with the BBC.
We appreciated being able to do the show, but everything else had been closed in fairly tightly.
l remember Terry Gilliam, they paid him so little that he couldn't afford an assistant, so he had to do absolutely everything himself.
This was one of the early points of contention, because he was doing great stuff but no one was acknowledging it.
Panorama will be returning introduced as usual by Tony Jacklin and Lulu will be tackling the Old Man of Hoy.
For those of you who prefer drama, there's sport.
Early battles were to do with scheduling The show went out late anyway.
There was a feeling in the BBC that young people should not see this show.
We didn't mind so much, we accepted that, but then it would be taken off for three weeks.
You don't mind being bumped on for something important or an outbreak of World War Three, but Crufts Dog Show, give me a break.
They would change the time, pull us off, all of those things.
You can be mucked about by schedules but you've got to get used to that, you've got to produce a programme that people want on.
Python was establishing itself as a sort of cult show, and only later did we kind of realise how many people at university were sort of cramming in Whatever, you know, time it was on, they would sit and watch this show, you had to watch it.
The fact that some weeks it wasn't there, other weeks a different time, that was testing your loyalty to the programme.
So, l think we built up a lot of people who were jolly well going to see Python whatever the BBC did with it.