Moone Boy (2012) s03e01 Episode Script
Where the Streets Do Have Names
1 'It was Liam and Debra's 20th wedding anniversary, 'and the traditional gift for this milestone is China.
' A samurai sword? Happy anniversary, Mam.
If I know women like I think I know women, she loves it! That's not what they mean by China, idiot.
Better than your stupid plate.
Ha, you told her.
Idiot.
Well, it's the thought that counts.
Thanks, love.
Got you something a bit more fitting for your weekend away, Deb.
And I got it a size too big, for wandering hands.
Sweet Jesus.
I love it, but knowing Liam, he'll have me out of it fairly sharpish.
Don't worry.
I left the tags on - you can exchange it for leggings when you get back.
Great, I actually need new leggings.
Merciful hour! Right, if we hit the road now we can drop Martin in Dublin and be in the sunny south-east by nine.
The sunny south-east? Oh, it's like Africa down there, buddy.
Thanks a million for staying for the weekend, Lind.
Have you everything you need? We'll be grand, girls, won't we? My new roomies will show me the ropes.
Wish I had a rope.
It's weird she didn't ask you where you got a samurai sword, though.
How come Martin gets to stay in Dublin with Uncle Danny? Well, Moone men are in a minority around here, and we thought it was time for Martin to bond with his uncle.
Just two fellas, getting to know each other, by themselves.
Hiya, lads.
I've a full stomach and an empty bladder.
Let's see what the old Renault can do on the open road! Oh, now THERE'S a pleased lady.
So, you're going on a second honeymoon? Ooh.
Won't be as good as the first time though, when she was 20 years younger, hah, Liam? Don't worry, love.
You've still got it.
Well, I've certainly got some of it.
You brought your geography book? I thought I'd do a bit of revising on the road.
Learn a bit about Dublin.
Learning? Not on my watch.
My book! My precious book.
Padraic, this is three whole days we can forget about bloody books! We know our geography, we're going to Dublin.
The Windy City of Angels! Tinker's Tinseltown! # I want to run # Down the Champs-Elysees # I want to see Disneyland # On Sunday # We'll visit Big Ben # And the Taj Mahal Where the streets do have names.
I'm not sure Big Ben is in Dublin.
I think you're wrong, but we'll get some brochures at the Pyramids.
Oh, yeah.
They must just be gone for petrol or something.
Can't imagine they'd just leave us.
We're the best ones! Are you heading off, are you? All right.
I'll just wait here alone.
I'm better than this.
Wow.
This is cool.
I think.
Where are our beds, Uncle Danny? You're sitting on it.
Who wants milk? Milk? I've cows at home.
No, this is Dublin milk.
Probably comes from buses or some shit.
Sorry, lads, I've no glasses.
No bother, I'm well used to drinking jam.
Listen, boys - we are going to have a fun weekend.
That I guarantee.
But I am going to have to work in the morning.
Oh, are you doing music things? Oh, no.
I'm really only a music man on the minimum, Marty.
Don't want to be a slave to the tunes, you know.
Oh, I do know.
I buy, I sell, I keep my fingers in a beaucoup of pies.
Are you double jointed? A keen heart and nimble fingers will unlock any door, little fella.
I feel like I should be writing this stuff down.
Yeah, he's very enigmatic for someone who doesn't own drinking glasses.
Danny Moone, ici.
Ooh, espanol! Thing is, Bono, I'm still waiting on last week's money, so Bono, Bono, Bono - you tell Larry if he wants a hand with his drums, he's going to have to cough up the ching ching pronto, you know what I mean? All right.
Cheerio, Bono.
Uch, musicians.
Was that Bono from U2? No.
Different Bono.
He's a mate I helped empty some sewage drums into the Liffey last week.
Bono's a very common name in Dublin, you know.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Listen, boys - we'd better get some shut eye.
Early mornings are a ripe selling slot.
What to do you sell, exactly? Knowledge.
I sell knowledge.
Good night, little men.
It's like living with the Riddler.
What a night! We haven't done it like that for ages.
I know, it just went on and on.
It's like we were teenagers! Blew the cobwebs off, all right.
Yep, it was a really great sleep.
Oh, we should have sex at some stage.
Oh, yeah.
Sure, we've a whole weekend.
Ah, yeah.
The Encyclopaedia Irelandica.
It's big, isn't it? Big.
And powerful.
That's quite a combination, Daniel.
Knowledge is power, Mrs Dunphy.
Oh.
And in my hands right now, I'm holding the greatest information resource the world will ever see.
Your hands must be very strong.
Probably from opening all those flipping jam jars.
Do you recognise your one over there? The yuppie-looking one? Who? Isn't it Sheila Something? From our old school? She moved away, I think.
Did you know her at all? Sharon Morgan! Jesus, yeah.
I knew her WELL.
You knew her well? I mean, not WELL Just well.
Hmm.
When was all this "wellness"? Liam? Is that you? Ha! Liam Moone.
The very man.
Well, there is a treat for my eyes! Before we met.
Well before we met.
Quickly, quick! The whistle's gone! Why do you have to move away, Sharon? Why is the world doing this to us? Shh! Remember, Liam - I will always be here.
So you're not going away? Huh? No, I meant your heart.
Oh, stupid heart! Always getting in the bloody way of things.
We can't fight destiny, Liam.
We must learn to love again.
Somehow! But I don't think I can.
Sharon! Hiya! Hey! I'm Liam.
You're nice looking.
Talk about a blast from the past, guys! It's such a treat to see you both.
You too, Sharon.
What are you up to these days? Are you still over in London? Yeah, yeah - I'm an entrepreneur now.
It's a French word.
I own my own business, you've probably heard of it, actually - Body Margarine? Is it like body butter? Yeah.
It's similar, Debra, yeah.
But, erm, cheaper.
Oh.
So what are you doing over here? I'm giving a masterclass on how to be a successful businesswoman in the '90s.
You know, just giving something back.
Oh, yeah.
Energise.
Synergise.
Super-size.
Think like a fox.
Outside the box.
Be applied, be a ride.
Be bona fide - it's the law, bitches! In source, outsource, workforce.
Take charge.
Use Body Marge.
Well, it looks affordable.
Uch, stop, Debra.
I hate it.
I'm trying to revamp the whole design, you know, really bring it up to 1992.
You know Liam's really good at logos and things like that.
Oh, yeah! I forgot you were a talented bastard.
Oh, stop.
Do you want to throw some ideas at me, hon? Suppose I could give it a go.
I bet you bloody could.
Right! Well, I'd better scoot.
I've got a yoga class.
But I'll catch you guys later.
Yoga? You haven't heard of yoga? What, like, the bear? You're too funny.
Not Yogi - yoga.
It's a Japanese form where you elongate your limbs and your muscles to find inner peace.
Yeah, I think I saw something on Tomorrow's World.
I must try it sometime.
Well, make that sometime now, hon! And don't worry, all ages are welcome.
Well, well, well.
Aye.
Well, right.
Hey there, book fella! My wife bought this book by mistake.
We want our money back.
Sorry, pal.
No refunds.
Hey, don't call me pal.
Me name's Bono.
Bono?! Different Bono.
Oh.
You seduced me wife.
You seduced her into buying a book! Hey, Danny! Oh, hi, Ali! Hello! Don't push it, book man.
I'm pretty close to the edge.
The Edge?! The old yoga's doing you wonders, Ali! Great girl.
Ow! Wow! Inner-city crime! We're not even in Harlem yet! Get in there! 'Not to be outdone by Sharon, Debra bravely embarked on a yoga class 'and was really starting to enjoy this China anniversary of hers.
' This is wonderful! Shh! No talking during the downward dog, hon.
'Of course, the thing about China is that it's really quite delicate.
' Oh, Jesus! 'Oh, God.
' Oh, me hip! Oh, me fecking hip! Oh! Man down! Flipping hell.
No-one's going to buy an encyclopaedia from me looking like this.
That's true.
We may as well catch the old dolphin show at SeaWorld.
I'm so screwed, lads.
That was the only sale I made last week.
If I don't flog some fags before Monday, they're going to fire me.
No uncle of mine is going to be out on the street, Danny.
Because this is the city where the streets DO have names.
And the name of this street is, "We're Here To Help!" ".
.
Street.
" Wait, are we selling books now? Dublin, County Dublin - so good, they named it twice! You're back! We are indeed.
I was getting worried.
We thought we'd get a tea-time sale in, but everybody was out.
Well, they don't call it the City That Rarely Sleeps for nothing.
Never mind, Marty.
At least you gave it a go.
Oh, we're not finished, we just came back for more books.
You sold out? Like Santa advertising Coke.
Martin, they're giving out prizes for selling books! What kind of prizes? What are your two favourite words that, when put together, mean something even better? A chocolate fountain? Second favourite.
A flipping speedboat?! Listen, lads.
Thanks so much for helping me out today.
I promise we'll do something fun tomorrow.
Tomorrow? We're working tomorrow.
What are you talking about? We've got a chocolate fountain to win.
Speedboat.
We've got a speedboat to win.
Right.
I'm off.
You sure you don't want to come with me, Tricia? Always room for young blood on a manhunt.
No, I've got period pains.
Oh, gotcha.
Speaking of which, has anyone seen my, erm medicine? What does it look like? They're these little pills, maybe 21 of them, days of the week written next each one? No? Suppose I'll roll the dice then.
Night, girls.
Don't wait up.
Right.
I'm going down the bridge.
Why are we always the ones left behind? We're the best ones! Shall we paint our toes now? Do you want to do that? Would that be weird? You're just going to go.
All right, I'll just stay here.
Oh, the breeze has really picked up.
Oh! It's going right through me.
That's nice and snuggly now.
You have your flask there as well.
Oh, yeah, that'll do nicely.
Oh, Jesus.
Yes! Whoo! Oh, hey, guys! What's hip-happening? Well, Deb's hip's not happening, so Oh, Debs.
I feel terrible.
All these years and I've never had a yoga injury, but I guess I'm just really bendy.
Oh, there's Marcus.
Marcus! Marcus! Marcus! You're a .
.
loon! That's Marcus.
Oh, is it? Yeah, we were at a rave last night, he's a .
.
loon.
Do you know what I mean? Absolutely.
Actually, I'm having a come-down rave in my room tonight, if you fancy coming along? Oh, sounds fun! Sure, we'll COME DOWN too, then.
From our room.
OK.
Coolio, babe.
Well, I'd best keep bladin', clear the head.
Trip her! Liam, trip her! How are you? More rashers on the way there.
Bet you've built up an appetite? Vigorous bastard.
Wait, why do we even have suits with us? We were hoping to catch a show on Broadway.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
The Encyclopaedia Irelandica is the greatest information resource the world will ever see.
Fact.
You poor lads.
My da made me work when I was your age too.
And if I complained, he just gave me a fecking belt.
Are your das like that? Dad gave me a belt on my birthday.
I bet he did.
The big brute.
I think it's snakeskin.
'Sorry, lads, I'm just not interested.
' Wait, please, erm A man stole our shoes.
We have no shoes? 'All right, so.
' We need one more sale.
We don't have much time left.
We need to find someone who has respect for the brand but for some reason doesn't own an encyclopaedia.
Well, hello there, beautiful.
Oh! My God, your skin is soft! Thanks! I use Body Marge.
Oh.
So, is Bono in? No.
He's gone out with his friend Adam.
Lovely.
Throw on the kettle, there.
Oh! Two storeys! Put us on the board! What?! You sold them all? Like candy to a cash-rich baby.
We may have come here in a car of rust, but we're leaving in a boat of speed.
Put us on the flipping board! So, the ice numbs my ear and then you disinfect it with the vodka? No.
That's to keep my hand steady.
I don't know about this.
Do it, Sinead! Do it! Come on, we've all done it, we've all done it! Ow! Oh, for Ow, my ear! Stop! Ow! Stop, ow, that hurts my ear! What have I become? I need to go hang with my homies.
Oh, my God! Ow! Stop, stop! You're grand.
Hey, cowboy! What are you doing?! Straight into the canapes, Liamo? It's a wonder you stay so buff! Ah! Just a bit peckish, Sharon.
Your anniversary weekend duties left you famished, did they? No buffet was closed.
So, where's Maude? Oh, she's just taking a little nap.
You're too much for her, Liamo.
You have her tied to that bed.
Yeah, something like that.
Actually, I was hoping to have a chat with you anyway.
Well, if you want to get me alone I'm going skinny-dipping later.
Skinny-dipping? Outside? Nothing I haven't seen before.
I'm sure like the rest of you, it's aged well.
Like a fine wine.
More like a wheel of old cheese.
I'll wheel your old cheese.
What? So, let's have a look at these logos.
Sorry, don't suppose you've any painkillers, do you? Painkillers? Yeah, that's what I like to call them too.
I just need something to ease the old hip.
Ha-ha! Here, these will "ease" you nicely, love.
Great! Thanks a million.
A very happy chap.
These are pretty good, Liam.
They're just illustrations, really - but you can imagine I can imagine a lot of bloody things.
Yes, I can.
With you.
And your big, stupid, arty hands.
Stop being flirty.
Flirty? Where you getting that from? I'm getting it from you.
I mean, it's lovely to see you, but the whole Joan Collins thing One of my personal heroes, actually.
I don't doubt it.
I think you are just not used to strong, confident women.
It is raining strong, confident women in my house.
But you are like a fanny tsunami.
Right.
I'm sorry, it's just all too much.
No, don't be silly, it's fine.
It's fine.
Like I said, Liam, these are, uh These are pretty good.
But they're Boyle good.
They're not London good.
Oh, God, I'm feeling it now, meself, I think.
The sea air! It's hitting me! There she is, the old ball and chain, rolling around.
Hiya! What did she think? It doesn't matter.
Let's just go.
Hey! What's up? Music too young for you? Firstly, you're 40-fecking-3.
Oh, that's old.
Secondly, you wouldn't know a good logo if it kicked you in your downward dog.
And thirdly, I feel fecking amazing right now! I think I'll wheel out my old cheese.
I'm 39.
Was the music always this loud? Well, that was Brilliant! Wasn't it brilliant? What a lovely bunch of people - why do we never listen to dance music? We could stick Garth Brooks on when we get I'd love that! I'd love that.
And I love you, you big lug.
20 years together and I have never loved you more, Liam.
Do you want to stay up all night and talk about my feelings? No, I want to get you to bed and spoon the flip out of you.
Wow! Do you want a go, lads? I think that adrenaline hit might push me over the edge.
Nah, you stay here and have your fun.
We're going to head off home.
All right - see you, lads.
Thank you! Hey! Hey, I made it! Hoo! Whoa, hitchhiking is tricky when you're invisible! Did you get your ear pierced? Yes, I did shave my legs, thank you! No, I said did you get your ears pierced? So, what are we doing next? Come on, Martin - Route 66 closes at five, so Whoa! We're going home already? Back to good old Boyle.
The Town That Sleeps The Normal Amount.
I had to do some really weird stuff to get a lift.
Uch! Achtung, baby!
' A samurai sword? Happy anniversary, Mam.
If I know women like I think I know women, she loves it! That's not what they mean by China, idiot.
Better than your stupid plate.
Ha, you told her.
Idiot.
Well, it's the thought that counts.
Thanks, love.
Got you something a bit more fitting for your weekend away, Deb.
And I got it a size too big, for wandering hands.
Sweet Jesus.
I love it, but knowing Liam, he'll have me out of it fairly sharpish.
Don't worry.
I left the tags on - you can exchange it for leggings when you get back.
Great, I actually need new leggings.
Merciful hour! Right, if we hit the road now we can drop Martin in Dublin and be in the sunny south-east by nine.
The sunny south-east? Oh, it's like Africa down there, buddy.
Thanks a million for staying for the weekend, Lind.
Have you everything you need? We'll be grand, girls, won't we? My new roomies will show me the ropes.
Wish I had a rope.
It's weird she didn't ask you where you got a samurai sword, though.
How come Martin gets to stay in Dublin with Uncle Danny? Well, Moone men are in a minority around here, and we thought it was time for Martin to bond with his uncle.
Just two fellas, getting to know each other, by themselves.
Hiya, lads.
I've a full stomach and an empty bladder.
Let's see what the old Renault can do on the open road! Oh, now THERE'S a pleased lady.
So, you're going on a second honeymoon? Ooh.
Won't be as good as the first time though, when she was 20 years younger, hah, Liam? Don't worry, love.
You've still got it.
Well, I've certainly got some of it.
You brought your geography book? I thought I'd do a bit of revising on the road.
Learn a bit about Dublin.
Learning? Not on my watch.
My book! My precious book.
Padraic, this is three whole days we can forget about bloody books! We know our geography, we're going to Dublin.
The Windy City of Angels! Tinker's Tinseltown! # I want to run # Down the Champs-Elysees # I want to see Disneyland # On Sunday # We'll visit Big Ben # And the Taj Mahal Where the streets do have names.
I'm not sure Big Ben is in Dublin.
I think you're wrong, but we'll get some brochures at the Pyramids.
Oh, yeah.
They must just be gone for petrol or something.
Can't imagine they'd just leave us.
We're the best ones! Are you heading off, are you? All right.
I'll just wait here alone.
I'm better than this.
Wow.
This is cool.
I think.
Where are our beds, Uncle Danny? You're sitting on it.
Who wants milk? Milk? I've cows at home.
No, this is Dublin milk.
Probably comes from buses or some shit.
Sorry, lads, I've no glasses.
No bother, I'm well used to drinking jam.
Listen, boys - we are going to have a fun weekend.
That I guarantee.
But I am going to have to work in the morning.
Oh, are you doing music things? Oh, no.
I'm really only a music man on the minimum, Marty.
Don't want to be a slave to the tunes, you know.
Oh, I do know.
I buy, I sell, I keep my fingers in a beaucoup of pies.
Are you double jointed? A keen heart and nimble fingers will unlock any door, little fella.
I feel like I should be writing this stuff down.
Yeah, he's very enigmatic for someone who doesn't own drinking glasses.
Danny Moone, ici.
Ooh, espanol! Thing is, Bono, I'm still waiting on last week's money, so Bono, Bono, Bono - you tell Larry if he wants a hand with his drums, he's going to have to cough up the ching ching pronto, you know what I mean? All right.
Cheerio, Bono.
Uch, musicians.
Was that Bono from U2? No.
Different Bono.
He's a mate I helped empty some sewage drums into the Liffey last week.
Bono's a very common name in Dublin, you know.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Listen, boys - we'd better get some shut eye.
Early mornings are a ripe selling slot.
What to do you sell, exactly? Knowledge.
I sell knowledge.
Good night, little men.
It's like living with the Riddler.
What a night! We haven't done it like that for ages.
I know, it just went on and on.
It's like we were teenagers! Blew the cobwebs off, all right.
Yep, it was a really great sleep.
Oh, we should have sex at some stage.
Oh, yeah.
Sure, we've a whole weekend.
Ah, yeah.
The Encyclopaedia Irelandica.
It's big, isn't it? Big.
And powerful.
That's quite a combination, Daniel.
Knowledge is power, Mrs Dunphy.
Oh.
And in my hands right now, I'm holding the greatest information resource the world will ever see.
Your hands must be very strong.
Probably from opening all those flipping jam jars.
Do you recognise your one over there? The yuppie-looking one? Who? Isn't it Sheila Something? From our old school? She moved away, I think.
Did you know her at all? Sharon Morgan! Jesus, yeah.
I knew her WELL.
You knew her well? I mean, not WELL Just well.
Hmm.
When was all this "wellness"? Liam? Is that you? Ha! Liam Moone.
The very man.
Well, there is a treat for my eyes! Before we met.
Well before we met.
Quickly, quick! The whistle's gone! Why do you have to move away, Sharon? Why is the world doing this to us? Shh! Remember, Liam - I will always be here.
So you're not going away? Huh? No, I meant your heart.
Oh, stupid heart! Always getting in the bloody way of things.
We can't fight destiny, Liam.
We must learn to love again.
Somehow! But I don't think I can.
Sharon! Hiya! Hey! I'm Liam.
You're nice looking.
Talk about a blast from the past, guys! It's such a treat to see you both.
You too, Sharon.
What are you up to these days? Are you still over in London? Yeah, yeah - I'm an entrepreneur now.
It's a French word.
I own my own business, you've probably heard of it, actually - Body Margarine? Is it like body butter? Yeah.
It's similar, Debra, yeah.
But, erm, cheaper.
Oh.
So what are you doing over here? I'm giving a masterclass on how to be a successful businesswoman in the '90s.
You know, just giving something back.
Oh, yeah.
Energise.
Synergise.
Super-size.
Think like a fox.
Outside the box.
Be applied, be a ride.
Be bona fide - it's the law, bitches! In source, outsource, workforce.
Take charge.
Use Body Marge.
Well, it looks affordable.
Uch, stop, Debra.
I hate it.
I'm trying to revamp the whole design, you know, really bring it up to 1992.
You know Liam's really good at logos and things like that.
Oh, yeah! I forgot you were a talented bastard.
Oh, stop.
Do you want to throw some ideas at me, hon? Suppose I could give it a go.
I bet you bloody could.
Right! Well, I'd better scoot.
I've got a yoga class.
But I'll catch you guys later.
Yoga? You haven't heard of yoga? What, like, the bear? You're too funny.
Not Yogi - yoga.
It's a Japanese form where you elongate your limbs and your muscles to find inner peace.
Yeah, I think I saw something on Tomorrow's World.
I must try it sometime.
Well, make that sometime now, hon! And don't worry, all ages are welcome.
Well, well, well.
Aye.
Well, right.
Hey there, book fella! My wife bought this book by mistake.
We want our money back.
Sorry, pal.
No refunds.
Hey, don't call me pal.
Me name's Bono.
Bono?! Different Bono.
Oh.
You seduced me wife.
You seduced her into buying a book! Hey, Danny! Oh, hi, Ali! Hello! Don't push it, book man.
I'm pretty close to the edge.
The Edge?! The old yoga's doing you wonders, Ali! Great girl.
Ow! Wow! Inner-city crime! We're not even in Harlem yet! Get in there! 'Not to be outdone by Sharon, Debra bravely embarked on a yoga class 'and was really starting to enjoy this China anniversary of hers.
' This is wonderful! Shh! No talking during the downward dog, hon.
'Of course, the thing about China is that it's really quite delicate.
' Oh, Jesus! 'Oh, God.
' Oh, me hip! Oh, me fecking hip! Oh! Man down! Flipping hell.
No-one's going to buy an encyclopaedia from me looking like this.
That's true.
We may as well catch the old dolphin show at SeaWorld.
I'm so screwed, lads.
That was the only sale I made last week.
If I don't flog some fags before Monday, they're going to fire me.
No uncle of mine is going to be out on the street, Danny.
Because this is the city where the streets DO have names.
And the name of this street is, "We're Here To Help!" ".
.
Street.
" Wait, are we selling books now? Dublin, County Dublin - so good, they named it twice! You're back! We are indeed.
I was getting worried.
We thought we'd get a tea-time sale in, but everybody was out.
Well, they don't call it the City That Rarely Sleeps for nothing.
Never mind, Marty.
At least you gave it a go.
Oh, we're not finished, we just came back for more books.
You sold out? Like Santa advertising Coke.
Martin, they're giving out prizes for selling books! What kind of prizes? What are your two favourite words that, when put together, mean something even better? A chocolate fountain? Second favourite.
A flipping speedboat?! Listen, lads.
Thanks so much for helping me out today.
I promise we'll do something fun tomorrow.
Tomorrow? We're working tomorrow.
What are you talking about? We've got a chocolate fountain to win.
Speedboat.
We've got a speedboat to win.
Right.
I'm off.
You sure you don't want to come with me, Tricia? Always room for young blood on a manhunt.
No, I've got period pains.
Oh, gotcha.
Speaking of which, has anyone seen my, erm medicine? What does it look like? They're these little pills, maybe 21 of them, days of the week written next each one? No? Suppose I'll roll the dice then.
Night, girls.
Don't wait up.
Right.
I'm going down the bridge.
Why are we always the ones left behind? We're the best ones! Shall we paint our toes now? Do you want to do that? Would that be weird? You're just going to go.
All right, I'll just stay here.
Oh, the breeze has really picked up.
Oh! It's going right through me.
That's nice and snuggly now.
You have your flask there as well.
Oh, yeah, that'll do nicely.
Oh, Jesus.
Yes! Whoo! Oh, hey, guys! What's hip-happening? Well, Deb's hip's not happening, so Oh, Debs.
I feel terrible.
All these years and I've never had a yoga injury, but I guess I'm just really bendy.
Oh, there's Marcus.
Marcus! Marcus! Marcus! You're a .
.
loon! That's Marcus.
Oh, is it? Yeah, we were at a rave last night, he's a .
.
loon.
Do you know what I mean? Absolutely.
Actually, I'm having a come-down rave in my room tonight, if you fancy coming along? Oh, sounds fun! Sure, we'll COME DOWN too, then.
From our room.
OK.
Coolio, babe.
Well, I'd best keep bladin', clear the head.
Trip her! Liam, trip her! How are you? More rashers on the way there.
Bet you've built up an appetite? Vigorous bastard.
Wait, why do we even have suits with us? We were hoping to catch a show on Broadway.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
The Encyclopaedia Irelandica is the greatest information resource the world will ever see.
Fact.
You poor lads.
My da made me work when I was your age too.
And if I complained, he just gave me a fecking belt.
Are your das like that? Dad gave me a belt on my birthday.
I bet he did.
The big brute.
I think it's snakeskin.
'Sorry, lads, I'm just not interested.
' Wait, please, erm A man stole our shoes.
We have no shoes? 'All right, so.
' We need one more sale.
We don't have much time left.
We need to find someone who has respect for the brand but for some reason doesn't own an encyclopaedia.
Well, hello there, beautiful.
Oh! My God, your skin is soft! Thanks! I use Body Marge.
Oh.
So, is Bono in? No.
He's gone out with his friend Adam.
Lovely.
Throw on the kettle, there.
Oh! Two storeys! Put us on the board! What?! You sold them all? Like candy to a cash-rich baby.
We may have come here in a car of rust, but we're leaving in a boat of speed.
Put us on the flipping board! So, the ice numbs my ear and then you disinfect it with the vodka? No.
That's to keep my hand steady.
I don't know about this.
Do it, Sinead! Do it! Come on, we've all done it, we've all done it! Ow! Oh, for Ow, my ear! Stop! Ow! Stop, ow, that hurts my ear! What have I become? I need to go hang with my homies.
Oh, my God! Ow! Stop, stop! You're grand.
Hey, cowboy! What are you doing?! Straight into the canapes, Liamo? It's a wonder you stay so buff! Ah! Just a bit peckish, Sharon.
Your anniversary weekend duties left you famished, did they? No buffet was closed.
So, where's Maude? Oh, she's just taking a little nap.
You're too much for her, Liamo.
You have her tied to that bed.
Yeah, something like that.
Actually, I was hoping to have a chat with you anyway.
Well, if you want to get me alone I'm going skinny-dipping later.
Skinny-dipping? Outside? Nothing I haven't seen before.
I'm sure like the rest of you, it's aged well.
Like a fine wine.
More like a wheel of old cheese.
I'll wheel your old cheese.
What? So, let's have a look at these logos.
Sorry, don't suppose you've any painkillers, do you? Painkillers? Yeah, that's what I like to call them too.
I just need something to ease the old hip.
Ha-ha! Here, these will "ease" you nicely, love.
Great! Thanks a million.
A very happy chap.
These are pretty good, Liam.
They're just illustrations, really - but you can imagine I can imagine a lot of bloody things.
Yes, I can.
With you.
And your big, stupid, arty hands.
Stop being flirty.
Flirty? Where you getting that from? I'm getting it from you.
I mean, it's lovely to see you, but the whole Joan Collins thing One of my personal heroes, actually.
I don't doubt it.
I think you are just not used to strong, confident women.
It is raining strong, confident women in my house.
But you are like a fanny tsunami.
Right.
I'm sorry, it's just all too much.
No, don't be silly, it's fine.
It's fine.
Like I said, Liam, these are, uh These are pretty good.
But they're Boyle good.
They're not London good.
Oh, God, I'm feeling it now, meself, I think.
The sea air! It's hitting me! There she is, the old ball and chain, rolling around.
Hiya! What did she think? It doesn't matter.
Let's just go.
Hey! What's up? Music too young for you? Firstly, you're 40-fecking-3.
Oh, that's old.
Secondly, you wouldn't know a good logo if it kicked you in your downward dog.
And thirdly, I feel fecking amazing right now! I think I'll wheel out my old cheese.
I'm 39.
Was the music always this loud? Well, that was Brilliant! Wasn't it brilliant? What a lovely bunch of people - why do we never listen to dance music? We could stick Garth Brooks on when we get I'd love that! I'd love that.
And I love you, you big lug.
20 years together and I have never loved you more, Liam.
Do you want to stay up all night and talk about my feelings? No, I want to get you to bed and spoon the flip out of you.
Wow! Do you want a go, lads? I think that adrenaline hit might push me over the edge.
Nah, you stay here and have your fun.
We're going to head off home.
All right - see you, lads.
Thank you! Hey! Hey, I made it! Hoo! Whoa, hitchhiking is tricky when you're invisible! Did you get your ear pierced? Yes, I did shave my legs, thank you! No, I said did you get your ears pierced? So, what are we doing next? Come on, Martin - Route 66 closes at five, so Whoa! We're going home already? Back to good old Boyle.
The Town That Sleeps The Normal Amount.
I had to do some really weird stuff to get a lift.
Uch! Achtung, baby!