Moonlighting s02e09 Episode Script

Atlas Belched

MOONLIGHTING Morning.
Nothing nicer for brave than have his breakfast prepared by his squaw.
- Squaw? - There is one thing nicer: The traditional breakfast eve festivities.
- Really? - Try my sausage and eggs sometimes.
- Serve it right there on the mattress.
- Breakfast on bed.
How you.
Sit.
I do roll over too.
Guess you can't blow your nose on these babies, huh? This beats reading the back of a cereal box.
Thanks.
I think.
- So - Yeah, right.
So what? - What what? - Don't "what what" me.
You didn't call me in because we don't see enough of each other.
- You got something on your mind.
- Nothing's on my mind.
You know what I mean.
All right.
I do have something to tell you.
Some good news, I think.
Some wonderful news, I think.
- No kidding.
- No kidding.
Heard of Lou LaSalle? - Lou LaSalle? - Lou LaSalle.
As in Lou LaSalle Investigations? Lou LaSalle Armored Cars? Lou LaSalle Securities? That Lou LaSalle? That Lou LaSalle.
He called me yesterday.
- No kidding.
- No kidding.
- Lou LaSalle called us? - Well, me.
Us.
Yeah.
That's great.
That's amazing.
That's like Ford buying a car from GM.
That's like Macy's calling Gimbel's.
That's like Hefner calling Guccione to fix him up with a date.
- What's he want? What's he need? - Well- - Lou LaSalle wants to hire us.
I love it.
- Well he doesn't want to hire us.
- He wants to buy us.
- Excuse me? He wants to buy us.
What do you mean, he wants to buy us? - You and me? Buy us away from here? - I mean the agency, the whole thing.
Lock, stock and bad debts.
- And? - And what? - And you said? - And I said yea.
You did, huh? Morning, Mr.
Addison.
So long, Mr.
Addison.
Morning, Miss Hayes.
Bye-bye, Miss Hayes.
David.
Did you really say yea? Not to him, to myself.
To him I said I'll think about it.
- Sounds like you thought about it.
- You're taking this personally.
It's not personal.
It's business.
Just business.
Just business, huh? Is that what the past 10 months have been about? Just business? We've already played this scene, lady.
First time you came in, you said, "Mr.
Addison, I wanna close this place up.
Sell all the fixtures, get out of the lease, send everybody home.
Nothing personal, just business.
" Well, I managed to talk you out of it that time.
I told you I thought we could make a go of it.
- Well, I thought we did.
- Who said we didn't? I'm not through yet.
We are not through.
- Sell now, know what you get? - Lots of money.
- Robbed! Robbed! - Robbed? - Why does the leech want to buy? - I want to close before it wears off.
He sees what I see.
What you can't see.
We've just begun to hit our stride.
- We're just getting to the best part- - Then what? What else? What other nonsense can you think to say to change my mind? Neither of us is a terrific detective.
Neither of us is a businessperson.
- Speak for yourself.
- LaSalle knows how to run an agency.
- He has connections.
He has clout.
- You're Maddie Hayes! You're a bigger shot than Lou LaSalle ever was or ever will be.
As a model, not a detective.
I'm not someone to call when you have trouble.
- You know what I'm saying is true.
- No, I don't.
Rockefellers have a problem, they call LaSalle.
Kennedys have a problem, they call LaSalle.
- Big deal.
- When a big shot has a problem - who do they call? - I don't care.
Who calls us, David? - I'll have breakfast somewhere else.
- Nobody, David.
- Don't hurry.
- I won't.
- Good.
Wonderful! - Great.
Terrific! - Good morning.
- Yeah, right.
Give me a bloody mary.
Easy on the blood, heavy on the mary.
Yeah? How about a mop? Let's see, what's that? Vermouth, grenadine and a touch of- No.
A real mop.
Like for floors.
For crying I'll pay for a plumber.
Sorry.
Didn't mean to step in your saliva, man.
I smell.
No, I mean, I know I smell.
I can smell me.
- What's her name? - It's not a her.
It's an it.
- What's its name? - It's a job.
A job I'm about to lose.
- There's a lot of that going around.
- I worked my tail off for six years.
Always there when the boss needed me.
Sometimes before he needed me.
Beating him to the office every day.
Not leaving till he leaves.
No "thank yous.
" No "happy birthdays.
" No nothing.
Just blind faith that someday he'll look up and say: "Mr.
West, how would you like to be a supervisor? Or a manager or a vice president?" This is the first day of work I've missed the whole time I've been with him.
What'd you do? I lost his phone numbers.
- Babes? - No, business numbers.
From my office.
They were stolen.
Millions of numbers in the book, pal.
All free.
- Why would somebody steal yours? - Well, they didn't.
I'm sure it was a mistake.
Burglars cleaned us out a couple nights ago.
I guess they took the Rolodex by accident.
Well, if it was an accident, and they were stolen your boss can't be that big a jerk.
- He's Thornton Wellman.
- The Thornton Wellman? - The banker? - And diplomat.
And financier.
Yesterday, Wellman came out of his office: "Mr.
West, get me so-and-so on the line.
" Most of his business is talking to people.
And if I don't have the Rolodex, I can't get so-and-so on the line.
And if I can't get so-and-so on the line, I can forget about moving up.
The timing is terrific.
There are slots opening above me, and now this happens.
- Tell him to get a phone book.
- These are not phone-book numbers.
These are keep-them- under-lock-and-key numbers.
Which is why when I tell him what happened, he's gonna say: "The Rolodex wasn't locked in the safe?" And I'm gonna say: "No, Mr.
Wellman.
This one day.
This one day in six years, I left it out.
" And then he's gonna do two things.
He'll fire me.
And then he'll call Lou LaSalle.
- Lou LaSalle? - Lou LaSalle, sherlock to the stars.
His security guy.
Everyone's security guy.
I'd rather have lost my arm than that Rolodex.
Tell the bartender this is for the mess I made.
What if you didn't tell Wellman yet? - Excuse me? - What if you didn't tell Wellman and he didn't tell LaSalle, and we looked for the Rolodex? - Why would we do that? - Well, as fate has it, I'm a detective.
And I wouldn't mind solving a case for Thornton Wellman.
- I'd like to help you, Mr.
West.
- Phil.
Phil.
I also see a way to help myself.
- Okay.
You're on, Mr? - Addison.
David Addison.
Blue Moon Investigations.
Get in some trouble? We're there on the double.
Wife a philanderer? We'll handle her.
Need someone trailed? We've never failed.
We break every case.
We meet every goal.
And what's more, aquí se habla español.
Sorry, no comprendo.
Hi.
Madelyn Hayes? No.
But thank you.
Did someone call for me? They're beautiful.
And they smell so floral.
"Maddie, welcome aboard.
See you tonight.
" Welcome aboard? What are we doing here? Why'd you call me down here? I've never been in a pawnshop before.
So big.
So bright.
It's so- - I know that typewriter.
- No need to raise our voice.
No, I know that typewriter.
I know this copier.
I have been intimate with that VCR and that Trinitron.
- Do you have any pictures of that? - It must be here.
- The Rolodex must be here.
- Can I help you with something? We were just admiring your vast array of office equipment.
Yeah, I just got this merchandise in.
Belonged to a wealthy businessman.
- No kidding.
- No kidding.
- No kidding.
- That's funny.
This stuff reminds my friend of equipment he used to work with.
- Until it was stolen the other night.
- You a cop? No.
But I know how to dial 911.
Yeah, well, what is it that you said you were looking for again? Rolodex.
Big thing, sits on a desk, used to hold office numbers.
About yay big, holds about 4000 cards.
Wouldn't surprise me if it came in as part of this collection.
And that's what you looking for? Well, see, I don't nothing about no phone books or Rolodexes - or nothing like that.
- Hey.
I know you don't.
But suppose a guy comes in with office equipment he wants to pawn.
Some you could use, some you couldn't.
What do you do with the some you couldn't? Oh, my goodness.
Did you just drop this 20 on the floor? Yeah.
I'm sure you did.
That was very thoughtful of you.
Did you check in the dumpster out back? The garbage? It's empty.
Gone.
That's it.
It's over.
Finished.
Kaput.
- I'm over.
Finished.
Kaput.
- Wait a second.
Wait a second.
It's not over, you're not over.
It's just not here, that's all.
That's all? That's all? What are you suggesting? - To the dump.
- To the dump? To the dump, to the dump, To the dump, dump, dump Aren't you coming? Aren't you just a little intimidated? Okay.
Maybe a little.
Mr.
Addison, it could be anywhere in there.
We are talking about a Rolodex and paper cards.
Little Rolodex.
Little cards.
Look at that thing.
- It's mammoth.
It's huge.
- But, Phil, that's okay, it's all right.
- The guard told me where to look for it.
- He did? Sure.
He said it was right over there.
No.
Forget it.
Case closed.
Phil.
Phil.
Phil? Phil, roll down the window.
Phil, how can I help you if you won't talk to me? What seems to be the problem, Phil? - That.
- What about it? What about it? Smell it.
You want me to walk in that? Stand in that? Work in that? The Rolodex is buried somewhere out there, Phil.
- But that's garbage.
- No, it's not.
- That's the honest-to-God truth, Phil.
- No, I mean- I mean that's garbage.
It's filled with things people have used and thrown away.
It's filled with things people have eaten.
It's filled with things people couldn't flush.
- Get out of the car, Phil.
- I'm not going to.
It's not worth it.
Look at what I've done.
Look at where I've come to, and for what? I'm hung-over.
I haven't got a penny in my pocket.
And now you are proposing that I dig through acres of garbage and waste and filth, just so I can keep my job answering Wellman's phone? - It's not worth it.
- Well, I think it is.
What do you think I was doing in that bar? - Getting boomered.
- Right.
And you wanna know why I was getting boomered? Nope.
Because you are not the only one, Phil.
You are not the only guy to get up and discover that he doesn't matter to his company.
No, sirree.
You are not alone in that department.
I'm not? I need to find that Rolodex, man.
I need to be introduced to Wellman.
I need to ace out Lou LaSalle.
I have to prove something to myself and the lady I work with.
- Like you have something to prove.
- I don't need to prove-- That is why I am going up that mountain, Phil.
I'm gonna dig with this shovel.
I'm gonna find that Rolodex.
- Are you with me, Phil? - No.
You don't get out of that car, I'm gonna kill you, Phil.
And bury you out here, Phil.
It's not that I'm not sure, it's just that I'm not certain.
I'm sorry, Maddie.
I don't understand these jitters.
- Humor me, Lou.
- Who wouldn't want to? And that's my point.
When someone calls me, don't you think that someone would be thrilled to be sitting where I'm sitting and pour their problems out to you? I guess so.
I just wanna be involved.
And you will be.
Maddie you like examining bullet wounds? Well, do you like climbing trees, peeking through windows? - Hardly.
- Well, neither do I.
That's not why a Maddie Hayes goes into business with a Lou LaSalle.
Why is this so hard for you? You're a bright, beautiful woman.
Let me give you the chance to live like one.
It's off to work we go We'll keep on digging all night long Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, heigh-ho Heigh-ho, heigh-ho It's back to work we go We dug some trash We need some cash You are a great finder, sir.
I know because I am a great loser.
Remind me to get you some self-esteem for your birthday.
Which reminds me.
Close a case we gotta celebrate.
We have chocolate milk.
To a hard day's work.
Smooth.
Here's to a great detective.
To people who work with shovels.
To men who work the land.
To women who work with their hands.
- Hear, hear.
- There, there.
What have we got? - What's a Buster Tuckman? - Big wheel in law enforcement.
Wellman knows all those guys.
- Got his mistress's phone number here.
- Oh, yeah.
We put a lot of information on the cards.
- Kids' names, birthdays.
- Some pretty heavy connections here.
Wait a second.
Come here.
- Is this for real? - Oh, yeah.
That's him.
What time do you think it is over there now? Hey, how mad can he get? He's a man of the people, right? Hello? Hello, Your Holy- Your Holyship? This is David Addison.
How's it going, Your Holiness? Okay, yeah, well, bless you too.
- Didn't say you had numbers like that.
- I didn't? Phil, I just spoke to the pope.
That was the pope.
I just picked up the phone and dialed the pope.
Mr.
Pope.
The big kahuna! - I was just talking to the pope! - I know.
Wellman talks to the Vatican twice a week.
Is this bad? No, this isn't bad.
He works for me, right? He works for all of us.
Hello? Mr.
President? This is David Addison.
How you doing? Just wanted to call to see how things are going.
See if you need any help.
What's that? The ticklish man and the woman doctor.
No, I haven't heard that one.
Yeah.
That's great! That is great! Can I use that? Excuse me? Oh, sure, no, I understand about classified material.
Okay.
Great.
Ron, keep up the good work.
All right? Speak to you soon, babe.
Bye-bye.
- You call these numbers all the time? - It's my job.
Any idea what some of these are worth? I told you these were bigwigs.
Yeah, but you didn't say how big the wigs were.
I mean, we got everybody here.
Heads of state.
Captains of industry.
Pia Zadora.
You know, Wellman's gonna be grateful to get this Rolodex back, isn't he? I should think so, yeah.
We're talking about 40 years of wheeling and dealing here.
- That's pretty accurate.
- I wanna tell you something, Phil.
Wellman is a very lucky man.
He's lucky to have you working for him.
He's lucky because I'm working for you.
- And why is that? - A lot of guys wouldn't be so nice.
They'd take these and sell them.
Hold them for ransom.
- Use them for their own purposes.
- I never thought of that.
Yessiree, bob.
Tomorrow morning, old Thornton Wellman is gonna be one grateful tycoon.
- Cock-a-doodle-doo! - Cock-a-doodle who? Cock-a-doodle you.
Open up, let me in.
I got good news.
- Say, "congratulations.
" - Congratulations.
- Say, "I can't believe you did it.
" - I can't believe you did it.
Say, "Take me, hold me, use me, abuse me.
" I gave it a shot.
Do you know what I did tonight? No, but whatever it was you should have showered first.
- You smell awful.
- I put us on the map, baby.
I solved a case for Thornton Wellman.
Thornton Wellman.
The banker, the financier.
The Pooh-Bah of Pooh-Bahs.
Me, Mr.
"No Connections" Addison.
- That's very nice, David.
- Very nice? Very nice? Maddie, did you hear what I said? Thornton Wellman.
You know what that means? I've opened a new can of caviar for us.
I'm plugged in now.
The jet set, the beautiful people.
Hell, an hour ago, I was on the phone with Ronald Reagan.
Cat told me a joke.
Something about a ticklish man talking to a woman doctor.
I sold the agency.
I took the deal.
It was a wonderful deal, David, and I took it.
I sold the agency.
The agency is sold.
I was gonna tell you in the morning.
Hey, that's wonderful.
A wonderful deal's a wonderful deal.
- You happy? - Yes.
Great.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
- I'm very happy for you.
- Thank you.
I'll let myself out.
The final countdown for Fuzz Man has begun.
Here comes his boy Flying Man.
Get in here.
Tail parts.
- Miss DiPesto was serious.
- The drugs must be working.
You are leaving.
Sorry about not giving you two weeks' notice.
Well, you're really not that - short-handed around here.
- Why are you leaving? - Why are you leaving? - You have a perfectly good job here.
Yeah, well, I appreciate that - but I'm starting my own agency.
- Your own what? Addison Investigations.
Sounds nice, doesn't it? David.
You do what you gotta do, I do what I gotta do.
Well, sorry to quit and run but I've got an important appointment with a client.
- You do? - Yeah.
This Rolodex thing turned into a bonanza for me.
Really? Really.
- I had a good time.
- Me too.
Mr.
Krebbs, how do you do? I must say I'm intrigued.
Why would Interpol ever get involved in petty office thievery? Mr.
Wellman, my name isn't Krebbs and I don't work for Interpol.
I couldn't wait for an appointment.
My name is David Addison.
- What? - With Addison Investigations.
I'm looking for some backing.
I thought perhaps- We have an entire department who deals in venture capital.
You're a very clever young man.
I'll have my secretary give you an application on your way out.
Mr.
Wellman, I'm the man who found your Rolodex yesterday.
My Rolodex? Now, look, I'm not looking for any ticker tape, Mr.
Wellman but the fact remains, I found it and Lou LaSalle didn't.
Now, if I were paying a security firm what I'm sure you're paying LaSalle I'd be scratching my head wondering what for.
- I'm sorry, Mr - Addison.
You say you found my Rolodex.
Well, then why isn't my Rolodex here? It isn't? - You seem surprised.
- I am.
Give me the benefit of your expertise on this, would you, Mr.
Addison? I'm well-versed in contracts, treaties, prospectuses.
I've never gotten an extortion note before.
"Fifty thousand dollars cash or your Rolodex will be destroyed"? I don't get it.
Who could have written such a note, Mr.
Addison? Well, I'm not sure.
- But if you want to retain my services- - Very amusing.
Considering, as you said you were in possession of my Rolodex only yesterday.
- Who told you it was missing? - I can't tell you that.
You wouldn't happen to know where Mr.
Phil West is, would you? Who's Phil West? Mr.
West hasn't called in sick in six years and today Mr.
West called in sick.
And today this note appears.
I think you're jumping to a lot of conclusions here, Mr.
Wellman.
- You do? - Now, I don't know why your Rolodex vanished again.
And I don't know who or where Phil West is, but I- You just happened up here by coincidence.
- Well, I- - You say, to sell me on your pathetic little security agency.
I say in a brazen attempt to make me pay twice for phone numbers that were mine to begin with.
- Now, hold on a second.
- Did you really think that I would pay you to deliver extortion money to your accomplice? - What do you take me for? - You're way out of line, Wellman.
I'm going to do you a favor, Mr.
Addison.
I'm going to take you up on your offer.
I think you can help with office security.
I know you can cut down on office theft.
I'm gonna have you thrown in jail.
Building security, this is Thornton Wellman.
I have an emergency.
A burglar in my office.
Hold it right there, young man! You're a fraud.
I'll see you behind bars.
Stop that man! - Right there! - Let's get him! Hey, hold it.
Hey! Hey! So anyway, we're heading to the elevator to confront these people and I'm going, "It's Laura," and he's going, "It's Paul.
" "It's Laura.
" "It's Paul.
" "It's Laura.
" "Paul," "Laur-" Lou - Maddie, is something wrong? - Mr.
LaSalle, Miss Hayes.
- Did you have a nice lunch? - Oh, yes.
Very nice.
Thank you.
- Where's Miss DiPesto? - DiPesto? She used to sit there, answered the phone.
Unique-looking, always talked in rhymes.
Oh, yes, her.
Well, we had to make some adjustments.
Adjustments? Lou, you promised me no one would be fired.
And no one has been.
It's just that she's not front-desk material.
- What? Where is she? - At the central office.
- They'll find a place for her.
- And the others? - What others? - The people here this morning.
You're worried.
Maddie, there's nothing to worry about.
- They're with our HR people.
- Doing what? - Training.
- For what? Success.
Relax, Maddie, will you? We made an agreement, and I intend to live up to it, okay? Okay.
- Lou, there's someone in my office.
- I didn't realize she'd get here so soon.
- Who'd get here? - Our operations manager.
It's important to have someone who understands the operation when you're opening a new office.
What's the matter? Well, if she's sitting in there, where do I sit? If she's running the operation, what do I do? - What did you used to do? - What? When money wasn't a concern in your life.
Before you had to get up, come down here to make a buck, what did you do? Well - What did you do in the mornings? - I don't know.
I guess I slept.
Okay.
And then? The afternoons? I'd go out, shop, or eat or something.
And at night? I'd go out again, eat again or something again.
Well, it's just my job to make money for you, Maddie.
Not to tell you how to spend it.
BLUE MOON INVESTIGATIONS One more step and I'm a soprano.
Oh, David! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
I just needed a place to be.
Cops will look for me under your bed, not on the stairs.
- The cops? What happened? - It's a long story.
- I thought you had a big appointment.
- Yeah.
- Didn't everything go well? - Pretty good.
He didn't know whether to hire or prosecute me.
- Oh, David.
- Yeah.
How'd things go at corporate headquarters? Fine, I guess.
I don't know.
They haven't figured out where they want the figurehead to sit.
Or if they want the figurehead to sit.
We're quite a pair, aren't we? - I think I made a mistake, David.
- I think I made big a mistake.
- I've never understood how- - How do we do-? This really wasn't smart for me to come here.
I really ought to be getting going.
Hire me.
I wanna work for you, David.
I wanna help.
Why would you want to do that? You did it for me.
It's my turn.
Let me help.
Let me get you started.
Let me work with you to clear up the Wellman thing.
Why? Why would you wanna do that? Because I see what you don't.
Because I see what you can't.
That you only begun to hit your stride.
The best is yet to come.
- You're hired.
- I am? Yeah, you are.
I'll meet you by that couch first thing in the morning.
First thing.
Maddie.
Thanks.
- You sure he's gonna be here? - No.
This is where the ransom note said to drop the money.
- I figure he's bound to show up.
- Terrific.
Great.
The definite maybe.
- Having second thoughts? - About what? - The new position.
- What new position? Me on top.
Feel as good to you as it does to me? What are you thinking of? I am talking about me boss, you employee.
That new position.
It's too early to tell.
The help-wanted ad said something about lots of travel, exotic locales.
Think this is what they meant? Who's that? - Mr.
Addison.
- Does the kid know what's what or what? Maybe you should stay back there.
Nice to see you too.
Sorry, but I didn't realize you're not alone.
Her? You mean her? She works for me.
With me.
- Next to me.
- We work together.
Is she your boss? Is she the one you called "ungrateful"? - No.
- Yes.
A lot has happened since I said those things, Phil.
Yeah, well, a lot has happened, period.
Mr.
Addison, there's something you should know.
I know.
I just don't know why.
Why? You wanna know why? Why not? I went to work yesterday morning.
Spring in my step, song in my heart, the Rolodex in my coat.
I figured with any luck Wellman wouldn't have even noticed the absence.
Its or mine.
Then I rounded the corner to his office.
There they were, 30 of them, all lined up to interview for my job.
Oh, my goodness.
I felt like such a jackass.
Me, his loyal twit, making myself sick over this thing.
Shoveling through garbage to find his phone numbers, and what's he doing? He's looking for my replacement.
Then I thought of something you said.
You said that a lot of guys who came across numbers like these wouldn't be so nice.
They'd sell them, or hold them for ransom.
- You said that? - I said that? You sure did.
And you were right.
A lot of guys wouldn't have been so nice.
Nobody would have been that nice.
Nobody but me, until now.
I saw that line outside Wellman's office, that was it.
I got smart and I got devious.
I think you just got devious.
What's that supposed to mean? Wellman's already got you pegged as his numbers-napper.
All right.
Okay.
I can live with that.
As long as they don't catch me, and they won't.
How can you be so sure? I'm not stupid.
I got a plan.
This isn't just "drop the money, get the cards.
" Oh, no, sirree.
I got my hostages all over town.
- Hostages? - Yeah, I separated them.
The P's in one place, the Q's in another.
I spread them all out.
I got the M's with me.
Anybody tries anything, I'll torch them.
Phil, I know we don't know each other but you don't look like an extortionist to me.
You just look like a nice man who's distraught and ought to take a minute to cool down.
She's right, Phil.
Come with us.
We'll say we rescued you and the cards from the extortionist who sent the note.
Not only will you get your job back, you'll look like a hero.
- We won't look bad either.
- What are you saying? Come on, Phil.
Get smart.
Give me the M's, what do you say? - I don't know.
- Give me one.
Just one.
Who you got there? Who's on top? Ed Meese? I'll take Ed.
Don't want to turn in a government man, huh? I understand.
Give me Madonna.
Nobody will want her number next year.
Well, what if you're wrong? What if he won't give me my job back? Who cares if he won't give you your old job back? If Wellman won't hire you back, I will.
I mean, we will.
I mean, he will.
Won't he? Would he? Well This is a big day for Addison Investigations.
We're about to walk into Wellman's office hand him his pride and joy, watch him take out his checkbook - and wait for the business to pour in.
- Pour in, huh? Count on it.
A man like Wellman is the magnet that attracts more steel.
The honey that attracts more bees.
The carcass that attracts the vulture.
- I've always wanted a carcass.
- Why? I can feel it in my bones, Maddie.
This is the beginning of a whole new day.
Everywhere you look you're gonna see happy detectives detecting.
Private dicks dick- Drink that second cup of coffee, your jobs are secure.
Addison and Associates have got the goods.
Hey.
Phil, what do you think I should charge? What, 10,000, 20,000, ask for stocks? Mr.
Wellman has been a client of mine for, oh, 10 years now.
And I can tell you from my experience, he prefers to work on a retainer basis.
Evens out cash flow, provides simplified accounting methods for both the client and the agency.
Retainer, that's the way to go.
Hello, Maddie.
I see you've found something to do with your free time.
Hello, Lou.
Hello, Mr.
West.
Nice to meet you, finally.
I hope Mr.
Wellman isn't too upset when he finds out you're the cause of all this.
- The cause of all what? - Now, you see, Lou that's the problem with a big agency.
Information keeps getting confused as it's passed from operative to operative.
The fact of the matter is, old Phil here was not the cause of all this.
He was the solution.
When Addison and Associates staged their rescue, know what they found? Poor, pathetic Phil here, pistol to his head ready to lay down his life for his employer.
That's quite a story.
Might I ask what happened to his captors? Had to make a choice, Lou.
I mean, I'm standing there with a grenade in my hand, trying to decide save the victim or annihilate the criminals? I'll tell you, I don't know if I did the right thing or not.
But, hey, that's why they sell crayons in boxes of 64, you know.
I have a proposition I'd like you to consider.
I'd like to take you on, Lou, but, well, we've got the Wellman account now.
I'm not even sure if we can service the clients we still have.
Sorry.
But I will refer you to an agency.
Why don't you turn Phil and the Rolodex over to me? - Why would we do that? - Well, for starters I can guarantee him his job.
Maybe get him a promotion.
A small thank-you for his part in the rescue.
Phil is already assured of a job.
A job means nothing behind bars.
I can make sure no criminal charges are filed.
I'll take my chances with them.
What if I give you back your agency? Give you back the whole thing? Every employee, every desk blotter, every paper clip.
What do you say, Maddie? How about this, David? We really got this guy worried.
He honestly thinks we're gonna steal his account.
What do you say, Maddie? There's nothing to say, Lou.
Your agency, the one you've been moping about ever since you sold it.
Wouldn't you like to get it back? Sounds like a pretty damn good deal to me.
I could care less for that agency.
Bull, Maddie.
You want it back.
You want it back so bad you can taste it.
Now, what do you say, Maddie? She doesn't say anything, Louie.
I'm the boss.
I call the shots.
Give him the Rolodex, Phil.
David, I said I wanted to work for you and I meant it.
- I want to help you.
- Give him the Rolodex.
- But do you know what you're doing? - I know.
I'm getting back Miss DiPesto and an empty waiting room and a worthless client list and my second-class status.
I know.
And that's okay with you? Well, you know what Doris Day says, "Que sera, sera.
" You sure you're doing the right thing, Mr.
Addison? How often does a guy get a chance to be his own boss? Do me a favor, Phil.
Make him double your salary.
Make him give you a key to the executive john.
Tell him you wanna park in the building.
You hear me? You cave in on any of that stuff, I'm coming back to get you.
Pardon the interruption, Mr.
Wellman, but good news.
We found it.
We found the Rolodex.
We also found a hero, right, Phil? Back in the cave, Fly Man.
- Hey, boss.
- Hey, boss.
A man just came by and delivered this for you.
- You are tough to shop for.
- Old business cards.
- Not gonna need them now.
- Nice.
You like that? It's kind of unique, left to right.
Offices in Rome? Rome, New York.
Home of the Rome apple.
Used to spend summers there as a kid.
Old company, gone out of business.
Got swallowed by a bigger, better agency.
- Friendly takeover? - No doubt about it.
Hey, hey.
Where are you going with that? - Thought I'd hold onto it.
- Why do you wanna do that? Lady gets in trouble, it's nice to know she has somebody to call.