Moonlighting s03e12 Episode Script

Sam & Dave (2)

HI.
I'M JEFF JARVIS, TV CRITIC FOR PEOPLE MAGAZINE.
LIKE MANY OF YOU, I WAS DISAPPOINTED, NO, MAKE THAT FED UP, NO, ON THIRD THOUGHT, MAKE THAT ENRAGED WITH MOONLIGHTING.
RERUNS, RERUNS, RERUNS, NOTHING BUT RERUNS.
I MEAN, WITHOUT MOONLIGHTING, WHAT WAS THERE TO DO ON TUESDAY NIGHTS? WATCH THE HOME SHOPPING NETWORK? START A FAMILY? READ? WELL, THE CRISIS IS OVER.
MOONLIGHTING'S BACK.
LAST WEEK, AT LONG LAST, THEY GAVE US A FRESH EPISODE.
AND TONIGHT THEY'RE GIVING US ONE THAT'S EVEN FRESHER.
BUT THERE'S A CATCH, A HITCH, A CRUEL TRICK.
IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH LAST WEEK'S SHOW, AND YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T BOTHER BECAUSE YOU FIGURED IT'S JUST ANOTHER RERUN, THEN YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL'S HAPPENING IN TONIGHT'S SHOW.
BUT FEAR NOT, DON'T SWEAT.
I HAVE RIGHT HERE A TAPE OF LAST WEEK'S EPISODE, AND I'LL SHOW YOU ALL THE GOOD PARTS.
IT WON'T TAKE LONG.
IT ALL STARTED WHEN DAVID BEGAN TO SENSE THAT SOMETHING WAS BOTHERING MADDIE.
DAVID, I FEEL ALONE AND SURROUNDED AT THE SAME TIME.
OK.
I FEEL RESTRAINED BUT LIKE I'M ABOUT TO BURST FREE.
OK.
NOW, YOU SEE, I FIGURED IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS REALLY ALL ABOUT? I'D LIKE TO GO OUT THERE AND FIND SOME MAN- NOT EVEN ASK HIS NAME AND JUST GO TO A HOTEL OR SOMETHING AND NOT EVEN KNOW HIS NAME- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS.
AND JUST BE BAD.
BE WONDERFUL.
HEY, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS! CONCERNED THAT MADDIE MIGHT ACTUALLY DO WHAT SHE THREATENED, DAVID DECIDED TO FOLLOW HER, ONLY TO DISCOVER, AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING, HE'D BEEN FOLLOWING THE WRONG WOMAN.
I REALLY HATE TO BE A WET BLANKET, BUT IF I DON'T GET SIS HOME BY MIDNIGHT, POP'S GOING TO BE REALLY P.
O.
'd.
HEY! OH, GREAT.
MADDIE, MR.
GOODBAR HAS A GUN.
LOOK, I KNOW HOW THIS LOOKS, BUT I REALLY WASN'T FOLLOWING YOU.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, AS SOON AS I REALIZED IT WAS YOU, I STARTED MOVING DOWN TO THE NEXT WIN- OH! YOU'RE NOT MADDIE! AS THEY OFTEN DO ON MOONLIGHTING, ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER, AND BEFORE THE NIGHT WAS OVER, OUR HERO ENDED UP BEHIND BARS.
WHY WERE YOU FOLLOWING THIS MADDIE? I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HER.
SHE SAID SOME THINGS TO ME THAT SHE NEVER SAID BEFORE.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE SHE DIDN'T GET INTO ANY TROUBLE.
THERE'S A LOT OF CRAZY PEOPLE OUT THERE.
YOU'RE TELLING ME! SO WHAT DID SHE SAY? IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
REALLY? DOES SHE KNOW YOU LOVE HER? WHAT? I'M SORRY.
IT'S JUST SO CLEAR.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW, DOES SHE? TELL HER.
TELL HER? TELL HER WHAT? I'M NOT- YES, YOU ARE.
TELL HER.
JUST TELL HER.
DAVID DECIDED TO DO JUST THAT, AND RUSHED TO MADDIE'S HOUSE AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING TO SHARE HIS STARTLING REALIZATION WITH HER.
NOW, LISTEN, I KNOW IT'S 4:00 IN THE MOR- CAN I HELP YOU? HI.
HI.
MADDIE'S ASLEEP.
WHICH BRINGS US TO TONIGHT.
WHICH REMINDS ME, LET ME MAKE IT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR THAT MY APPEARANCE HERE ON MOONLIGHTING WILL IN NO WAY COMPROMISE MY INTEGRITY AS A TELEVISION CRITIC.
AHEM.
I'M SURE IT'S JUST A THANK-YOU NOTE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT * SOME WALK BY NIGHT * * SOME FLY BY DAY * * SOMETHING IS SWEETER * * 'CAUSE WE MET ON THE WAY * * 'CAUSE WE MET ON THE WAY * * OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING * * OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY * * I'VE GOT A WONDERFUL FEELING * * EVERYTHING'S GOING MY WAY * BLUE MOON DETECTIVE AGENCY.
HAS YOUR DOG JUMPED THE FENCE? DID FIDO GET LOST? PUT US ON HIS SCENT, AT OUR LOW DOG-FINDER COST.
WE'LL HIT THE GROUND RUNNING, GET TO THE POUND FAST, AND RETRIEVE YOUR LOVED ONE, BEFORE HE GETS GA- HERBERT, IS THAT YOU? YOU SOUND TERRIBLE.
WERE YOU OUT LATE, TOO? OH, YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING? SURE, I'LL TELL MISS HAYES.
BUT SHE'S NOT HERE YET, EITHER.
MR.
ADDISON'S HERE, BUT HE LOOKS LIKE YOU SOUND.
WAS THERE A PARTY LAST NIGHT THAT NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT? MORNING, MISS DIPESTO.
YEAH? MR.
ADDISON? MISS HAYES JUST CAME IN.
MORNING.
MORNING.
SORRY I'M LATE.
WERE YOU LATE? I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE, I WAS SO BUSY.
BUSY DOING WHAT? SETTING UP MISS DIPESTO WITH THE MONTHLY BILLING, REVIEWING THE STATUS OF OUR ONGOING ACCOUNTS, REFILLING THE TOILET PAPER IN THE EXECUTIVE WASHROOMS.
REALLY.
WE HAVE 4 PAST DUE ACCOUNTS, THE REDFIELD CASE STILL NEEDS A FOLLOW-UP, AND THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM HAS MUCH BETTER GRAFFITI.
YOU DID ALL THAT THIS MORNING? WELL, I HAD THE MARKER WITH ME.
THE WALL WAS THERE.
WE ARE RUNNING A BUSINESS HERE, AREN'T WE? THAT WE ARE.
SO? SO? SO, WHAT WAS IT? DOG BURIED YOUR BRIEFCASE? JUST WASHED YOUR CAR AND COULDN'T DO A THING WITH IT? RAN OFF WITH A CIRCUS SIDESHOW BUT COULDN'T GROW A BEARD? I'M SORRY? YOU SHOULD BE.
WHAT? DAVID, I JUST OVERSLEPT.
OVERSLEPT.
OVERSLEPT.
I TURNED OFF THE ALARM AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP.
WHEN I WOKE UP, I NOTICED WHAT TIME IT WAS.
I GOT HERE AS QUICKLY AS I COULD.
BESIDES, I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE.
HEY, YOU BROUGHT IT UP.
OF COURSE, THERE ARE UNACCOUNTED FOR.
THIS FROM A MAN WHO HAS ENTIRE WEEKENDS UNACCOUNTED FOR? NEVER WITHOUT A GOOD EXCUSE OR, AT LEAST, A BAD ONE.
DAVID, I JUST GOT A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP, THAT'S ALL.
YOU SHOULD GIVE IT A TRY SOMETIME.
ME? I SLEPT LIKE A BABE.
STILL MADE IT IN BY 9:00, THOUGH.
I DON'T REMEMBER SEEING HALL MONITOR UNDER YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO ME.
I'M JUST YOUR BUSINESS PARTNER.
PARTNER? JUST DON'T BLAME ME IF THEY DRAW THEIR OWN CONCLUSIONS.
WHAT CONCLUSIONS, AND WHO ARE "THEY"? "THEY" ARE THEM.
AND THE KIND OF CONCLUSIONS PEOPLE DRAW WHEN A CERTAIN SOMEONE COMES TRAIPSING IN, SMILE ON HER FACE, SPRING IN HER STEP, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, DAVID? NOTHING.
WHAT CONCLUSIONS? FORGET IT.
FORGET WHAT? EXCUSE ME.
THERE'S A WOMAN HERE TO SEE YOU.
SEND HER IN.
HELLO.
PLEASE COME IN, MS.
- JOHNSON.
ELAINE JOHNSON.
I'M MADELYN HAYES.
THIS IS MY ASSOCIATE DAVID ADDISON.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN? HOW MAY WE HELP YOU? I THINK MY BOYFRIEND IS IN LOVE WITH HIS WIFE.
WHAT? I'M THE OTHER WOMAN.
WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS JUST FINE WITH ME.
I'VE KNOWN ALAN FOR 3 YEARS, AND WE HAVE-HAD THIS UNDERSTANDING.
HIS MARRIAGE WAS WANTING.
MY LOVE LIFE WAS WANTING.
IT MADE SENSE.
IT MAKES SENSE.
I HAVE A DEMANDING CAREER.
I'M VERY COMFORTABLE GIVING HIM 3 OR 4 HOURS A COUPLE OF TIMES A WEEK.
BUT? BUT HE'S ABRUPTLY CANCELED PLANS SEVERAL TIMES IN THE PAST MONTH, AND I HEAR THE GUILT IN HIS VOICE WHEN HE TRIES TO EXPLAIN.
HE WON'T LOOK ME IN THE EYE ANYMORE, HE AVOIDS TALKING ABOUT US, ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.
AND THEN, THE OTHER NIGHT, HE FELL ASLEEP.
HIS WALLET WAS JUST SITTING THERE ON THE NIGHTSTAND.
I FOUND A PICTURE OF HIM AND HER AND THE KIDS.
HE JUST DIDN'T LOOK LIKE A GUY WHO WAS WANTING ANYMORE.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
IF HE'S PRICING STATION WAGONS OR LOOKING AT A BIGGER HOUSE, I DON'T WANT TO BE THE LAST TO KNOW.
WILL YOU EXCUSE US FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE? ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S FLIP THE PAGE, CUT TO THE MEAT OF THE SCENE.
YOU'RE OUTRAGED.
YOU'RE DISGUSTED.
IT'LL BE A WARM DAY IN NOME BEFORE YOU'D EVEN CONSIDER TAKING A CASE LIKE THIS.
WELL, THAT'S JUST FINE.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT NOT TAKING THIS CASE IS PEACHY KEEN WITH ME.
FADE-OUT, AMEN, END OF STORY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE IT.
WHAT? I THINK WE SHOULD TAKE IT.
I MEAN, HELL, DAVID, IT'S A CASE.
I THINK WE GOT A BAD CONNECTION.
COME ON, LIFE IS SHORT.
DID THEY SWITCH THE NAMES ON THE SCRIPT? MADDIE, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A WOMAN WHO'S FOUND A WHOLE NEW WAY TO DEFINE BEING FAITHFUL.
NOT THE SORT OF WOMAN YOU'D NORMALLY INTRODUCE TO THE BRIDGE CLUB.
MAYBE A THING LIKE "BEING FAITHFUL" ISN'T THAT EASY TO DEFINE.
MAYBE IT'S NOT SO BLACK-AND-WHITE.
THE FACT IS, WE'RE A DETECTIVE AGENCY.
AND SHE'S GOT A CASE WE CAN HANDLE, SO I SAY WE HANDLE IT.
GLAD TO SEE THINGS ARE FINALLY LOOSENING UP AROUND HERE.
MISS US? WE DECIDED TO TAKE YOUR CASE.
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU.
I'VE HAD SUCH BAD LUCK FINDING SOMEONE.
AGENCIES TEND TO GET JUDGMENTAL ABOUT THIS SORT OF THING.
NOT HERE, WE DON'T.
I'VE WRITTEN EVERYTHING DOWN- ADDRESSES, HANGOUTS, DAILY SCHEDULE.
HIS NAME IS ALAN McCLAUGHERTY.
THANK YOU.
WELL WE'LL BE IN TOUCH AS SOON AS WE KNOW SOMETHING.
OR SOONER, IF A BETTER REASON COMES TO ME.
I'LL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
IT WAS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
BYE.
THIS IS ONE CASE I'M GOING TO ENJOY STAYING ON TOP OF.
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS IS ALL FOR MY BENEFIT? I GIVE UP.
WHY? I DON'T APPROVE OF FLIRTING WITH A TOTAL STRANGER.
SO DON'T DO IT.
AND WHEN'D YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT TOTAL STRANGERS? WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU? HEY, I'M JUST RESPONDING TO AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.
OK, IT'S WORKED.
I'M ANGRY.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S WRONG.
BUT IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME, I'D APPRECIATE YOU LEAVING MY OFFICE.
OK.
MAYBE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG.
MAYBE THERE IS SOMETHING BOTHERING ME.
YOU SKIPPED OUT OF HERE LAST NIGHT RANTING ABOUT GETTING RECKLESS WITH A TOTAL STRANGER.
AND YOU SHOW UP HERE AT 11:00.
WELL, MAYBE I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
BUT I GUESS IT WOULDN'T OCCUR TO YOU THAT I COULD BE WORRIED ABOUT YOU, THAT JUST MAYBE I'D ASSUME THE WORST.
I'M SORRY.
I JUST STOPPED AND GOT SOME GROCERIES LAST NIGHT.
GOT HOME EARLY.
WHEN I GOT THERE, THERE WAS A MESSAGE FROM AN OLD FRIEND.
WE GOT TOGETHER, STAYED UP A LITTLE LATE.
I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T THINKING.
AN OLD FRIEND.
YEAH.
I'VE KNOWN SAM SINCE I WAS 6.
I PROMISED HIM SOME LUNCH, AND I'VE GOT A COUPLE OF THINGS I WANT TO DO.
MEET BACK HERE ABOUT ON THIS CASE? YEAH.
GREAT.
BYE.
SAM.
HERBERT! MORNING, AGNES.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I WORK HERE, REMEMBER? I'M THE LITTLE GUY, SIT AT THE DESK OVER THERE.
YES.
BUT SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED? OH, THE FLU? DO YOU KNOW, I'M FEELING SO MUCH BETTER, I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN THAT I WAS SICK.
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
BUT YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE A RELAPSE IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT? UH, NACHOS AND A JELLY DOUGHNUT.
OR WAS IT A BEAR CLAW? WELL, I'M COMING OVER TO YOUR HOUSE, AND I'M MAKING YOU A DECENT MEAL.
AGNES, THAT'S NOT NECESSARY.
NECESSARY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
YOU REALLY ARE WORRIED ABOUT ME, AREN'T YOU? YEAH.
EXCUSE ME FOR BARGING IN ON YOU LIKE THIS, MR.
ADDISON, BUT I JUST HAD TO TELL YOU WHAT A TERRIFIC TIME I HAD LAST NIGHT.
YOU KNOW, YOU AND ME OUT IN THE FIELD, ONE-ON-ONE.
WHAT TIME YOU GOT? WHAT? WHO? MISS HAYES? I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, MR.
ADDISON.
I MEAN, SHE PROBABLY JUST HAD LUNCH, AND THEN, YOU KNOW HOW WOMEN ARE, ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER.
ACTUALLY, THAT WAS- THAT WAS WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
MADDIE? WELL, NO, NOT HER.
NOT HER, SPECIFICALLY, BUT WOMEN, IN GENERAL.
DESIREE, IN PARTICULAR.
DESIREE? THE COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT THE BAR LAST NIGHT? I BROUGHT THE CAR AROUND, LIKE YOU ASKED.
AND I WAITED.
I REALLY DID.
BUT WHEN YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP, I WENT BACK INTO THE BAR.
I DROPPED SOME DOUGH INTO THE JUKEBOX, AND, AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT, DESIREE AND I BOTH TURN OUT TO BE THESE HUGE GRASS ROOTS FANS.
AND SO, I TOOK HER HOME.
SHE OWES YOU ONE.
IT'S A KILLER TRYING TO GET A CAB AFTER 2 A.
M.
NO.
NO.
NOT HER HOME, MR.
ADDISON, MINE.
YOU KNOW THE MATTERHORN AT DISNEYLAND, SIR? AND THERE WAS NO LINE- JUST WAVE AFTER WAVE OF PLEASURE BREAKING OVER OUR NAKED BODIES.
ALL NIGHT LONG.
LISTEN, HERBERT, I'M TICKLED THAT YOU'RE BEING TICKLED, BUT I- MR.
ADDISON, I NEED SOME ADVICE.
TRY THE KAMA SUTRA.
NO.
NO.
NOT THAT KIND OF ADVICE.
I'M CONFUSED.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS WITH SOME WOMEN- YOU JUST WANT TO THROW THEM DOWN ON THE POSTUREPEDIC AND LICK THEIR MAKEUP OFF.
AND THEN THERE'S THE KIND THAT YOU THINK ABOUT MAKING A LIFE WITH.
SOMEONE WARM.
CONSIDERATE.
SOMEONE LIKE AGNES.
AGNES? SHE WANTED TO COOK ME A DINNER, JUST 'CAUSE SHE THOUGHT I WAS SICK.
WITHOUT ANY REGARD TO HER OWN HEALTH, THIS WOMAN- THIS SAINT- WAS WILLING TO RISK WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF CONTAGION JUST TO TAKE CARE OF ME.
I HATE IT WHEN SHE DOES STUFF LIKE THAT.
SMART.
SMART? SMART.
YOU SEE MISS DIPESTO'S GROCERIES FOR WHAT THEY ARE.
I DO? YEAH.
YOU DO.
OH.
WHAT ARE THEY? A PLOY.
YEAH.
ONCE THESE BABES GET INSIDE THE WIRE, THEY'LL STICK IT TO YOU EVERY TIME.
THEY WILL? WHY DO YOU THINK I TRAVEL LIGHT? GO WITH THE SLAP AND TICKLE, MR.
VIOLA.
IT MAY NOT BE DEEP, BUT IT'S BETTER THAN INVITING SOMEBODY TO PLAY STICKBALL WITH YOUR GUTS.
EXCUSE ME FOR SAYING SO, SIR, BUT DOESN'T THAT SOUND EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY BITTER? BITTER? HA HA! BITTER? NOTHING OF THE KIND.
YOU STRIP AWAY THE HEARTS AND THE FLOWERS, AND THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES IS NOTHING MORE THAN A VICIOUS, NASTY GUERRILLA CAMPAIGN.
MISS HAYES JUST CAME IN.
ONE MINUTE, CHARLIE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND.
THE NEXT MINUTE, SHE'S STICKING BAMBOO STALKS UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS.
THINK ABOUT IT.
YIPES.
CARAMBA.
EXCUSE ME? NOTHING.
SO, WHAT'S THE OCCASION? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I MEAN, YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR 3 HOURS, AND YOU COME BACK LOOKING LIKE AN AD FOR WALLY'S WIG WORLD.
I HAD MY HAIR DONE.
THANK GOD.
I THOUGHT YOUR HEAD WAS SHRINKING.
ARE YOU THROUGH? GUESS NOT.
NICE.
DAVID! LITTLE SOMETHING FOR KNOCKING AROUND THE BORDELLO? THE STORE WAS HAVING A SALE.
I JUST NEEDED A DINNER DRESS.
DID YOU NEED TO GET ONE THAT WAS CUT DOWN TO SOUTH AMERICA? DAVID, DID YOU COME IN HERE FOR A SPECIFIC REASON, OR IS THIS JUST MADDIE-BASHING DAY? ACTUALLY, I CAME IN HERE ON BUSINESS.
YOU REMEMBER BUSINESS? AS IT TURNS OUT, I SPENT MY LUNCH HOUR MAKING PHONE CALLS- RUNNING DOWN LEADS, DIGGING UP SOME DISH ON MR.
McCLAUGHERTY, WHO SPENT HIS LUNCH HOUR, AMONG OTHER THINGS, RENTING A ROOM FOR TONIGHT AT THE WILSHIRE ARMS.
SO? SO, I DON'T THINK HE'S HAVING HIS HOUSE FUMIGATED.
MAYBE THE ROOM IS FOR HIM AND MISS JOHNSON.
I MADE THAT CALL.
I HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE.
AND? AND, SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM UNTIL SATURDAY NIGHT, WHICH MEANS HE'S MEETING SOMEONE ELSE TONIGHT, WHICH MEANS ALL WEGOT TO DO IS GO OVER, SNAP A COUPLE AND DECIDE HOW TO SPEND THE MONEY.
THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO, "WOW, DAVID, YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
" OH, I'M SORRY.
IT WAS? I MEAN, YOU DID? DON'T GUSH.
I GET THE DRIFT.
SO, WHAT I THOUGHT WAS I'D GO HOME, GET A COUPLE HOURS SLEEP, AND PICK YOU UP AT YOUR HOUSE AROUND 7:00.
FOR WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.
UH, I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE THIS WAS SOMETHING YOU COULD DO BY YOURSELF.
EXCUSE ME? I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD DO THIS ONE BY YOURSELF.
I SEE.
WHY IS THAT? I HAVE PLANS.
PLANS? I'M HAVING DINNER.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T CLEAR.
THIS IS THE DELUXE STAKEOUT PACKAGE.
DINNER'S INCLUDED.
I'M HAVING DINNER WITH SOMEONE.
OH.
ANY SOMEONE I KNOW? MY FRIEND.
SID? SAM.
AHA.
I'M SORRY.
WHEN I MADE PLANS, I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE GOING TO WORK TONIGHT.
WELL, I'M SURE YOUR FRIEND WILL UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE TO CANCEL.
DAVID, I'M NOT GOING TO CANCEL.
I SEE.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S THAT.
DAVID? WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG? WRONG? WHAT COULD BE WRONG? YOU WANT TO ACT TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE AND THROW 21/2 YEARS OF HARD WORK DOWN- IRRESPONSIBLE? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE CALLING ME? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE ACCUSING ME OF? TELL ME! DID YOU GIVE THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT, OR DID IT JUST POP INTO YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU WERE PLANNING THE NEXT LIMBO LESSON? IT'S NOT THE SAME THING! YEAH, RIGHT! IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.
BEING IRRESPONSIBLE IS SOMETHING THAT I DO ONCE IN A DECADE AND SOMETHING THAT YOU'VE TURNED INTO AN ART FORM.
FINE.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I SENT YOU OUT ON A STAKEOUT ONLY BECAUSE I WANTED TO GO OUT AND GET- WANTED TO WHAT? NOTHING.
I'M NOT SENDING YOU OUT ALONE.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE, TAKE SOMEBODY WITH YOU.
THAT'S NOT THE POINT! TAKE MR.
VIOLA! YAY! OK.
FINE.
EXCUSE ME.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT OVERHEAR, MR.
ADDISON.
I'M REALLY PLEASED ABOUT THIS.
WHAT TIME WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO BE AVAILABLE FOR THE THING TONIGHT? OK.
HERE GOES.
BLUE MOON INVESTIGATIONS.
FIELD NOTES OF THE SURVEILLANCE ON THE JOHNSON CASE.
INVESTIGATING AGENTS, D.
ADDISON AND H.
VIOLA.
TIME SURVEILLING THE WILSHIRE ARMS HOTEL.
SUBJECTS OBSERVED ENGAGED IN, UH I DON'T QUITE KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THIS.
WHAT DO YOU SEE? LOTS OF LIPS.
LOTS OF TONGUES.
MUTUAL ORAL EXPLORATIONS CONFINED TO AREAS ABOUT THE FACE.
WOW.
MUTUAL ORAL EXPLORATIONS CONFINED TO AREAS ABOUT THE FACE.
McCLAUGHERTY.
CAUCASIAN MALE.
SUBJECT "B": UNKNOWN FEMALE OF BLOND ORIGIN.
HOW OLD WOULD YOU ESTIMATE SHE IS, MR.
ADDISON? ABOUT MADDIE'S AGE, 35.
SUBJECT "B" APPROXIMATELY 35.
SO, THE BOSS LADY'S CHOWING DOWN AT CHEZ BRE, EH? I HEAR THAT PLACE IS VERY EXPENSIVE.
WHAT DID YOU SAY? CHEZ BRE.
AGNES MADE THE RESERVATION THIS AFTERNOON.
HEIGH-HO, SILVER.
SUBJECT "A" HAS JUST REMOVED SUBJECT B's- UH, UM, WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT THING? BLACK EVENING DRESS CUT DOWN TO SOUTH AMERICA.
SUBJECT "A" HAS JUST PLACED HIS ORAL CAVITY IN CLOSE PHYSICAL PROXIMITY TO SUBJECT B's UPPER TORSO AND LEFT CLAVICLE REGION.
WHOA, SMACK-DAB ON THE MAMBOS.
SUBJECT "A" IS CARRYING SUBJECT "B" TO BED.
MAYDAY! MAYDAY! SUBJECTS ARE PRONE! SUBJECTS ARE PRONE! BOY, I HOPE THAT'S HIS WIFE.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN LIKE THAT BEFORE, MR.
ADDISON? THIS IS-THIS IS RELIGIOUS.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE.
HAVE YOU, MR.
ADDISON? MR.
ADDISON? MR.
ADDISON? SIR? EXCUSE ME.
I AM SORRY, SIR, BUT I'M AFRAID YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DINE HERE.
SURE I WILL.
LOOK, OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
BEEN USING SILVERWARE SINCE COLLEGE.
GENTLEMEN ARE REQUIRED TO WEAR A JACKET.
LOOK, MY MAN, I'M JUST HERE LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY, ALL RIGHT? IS THIS THE WHOLE SPREAD, OR YOU GOT A PARTY ROOM IN BACK? YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MR.
JACKSON ANYWHERE TONIGHT, HAVE YOU? I DON'T BELIEVE SO, SIR, BUT PERHAPS WE COULD FIND YOU A JACKET AND YOU COULD LOOK FOR YOURSELF.
SPLENDID.
THIS IS ALL WE HAVE.
I HOPE YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH IT.
MARVELOUS FIT.
NICE SPREAD.
HOPE YOU GET LUCKY.
DAVID.
EVENING.
HI.
HI.
DAVID? FORGIVE ME.
I'M SORRY.
SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR DINNER.
IT'S JUST THAT THERE'S KIND OF AN EMERGENCY.
EMERGENCY? WHAT KIND OF EMERGENCY? WELL OH, I'M SORRY.
SAM, THIS IS DAVID.
DAVID ADDISON, MY ASSOCIATE.
DAVID, THIS IS SAM CRAWFORD.
YEAH, WE'VE- NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
UH, LISTEN, WHY DON'T I EXCUSE MYSELF AND LET YOU TWO DISCUSS WHATEVER IT IS- OH, NO.
THAT'S NOT NECESSARY.
HAVE A SEAT.
I'LL BE BACK IN A FEW MINUTES.
WELL.
WELL.
SO, THAT'S YOUR OLD FRIEND SAM.
YES, THAT'S MY OLD FRIEND SAM.
YEAH, I HAD AN OLD FRIEND SAM ONCE.
KIND OF LOOKED LIKE HIM.
NICE ENOUGH GUY, DIDN'T REALLY DESERVE JAIL.
I GUESS THAT RAINCOAT JUST SORT OFFELL OPEN.
WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY, DAVID? YOU GUYS KNOW ANY BLACK SABBATH? THERE IS NO EMERGENCY, IS THERE? YES-YES, THERE IS.
THERE IS AN EMERGENCY.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I, UH KIND OF REALIZED SOMETHING LAST NIGHT.
WHAT? WELL, I MADE A DECISION.
A BIG DECISION.
OH, GOD, MADDIE.
WHAT, DAVID? LOOK, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS- HI.
BACK TOO SOON? NO.
UH-HUH.
NO.
NO.
MM-MMM.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE MEETING'S OVER.
EVERYTHING'S STRAIGHTENED OUT.
SAM, SIT.
WELL, THANK YOU FOR UPDATING ME ON THE SITUATION, DAVID.
RIGHT.
MAYBE YOU WANT TO JOIN US FOR A GLASS OF WINE? HUH? WINE.
YOU KNOW, THIS STUFF.
I'M REALLY NOT MUCH OF A DRINKER.
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO GIVE US A HAND PUTTING THIS AWAY.
UH, THAT IS, IF THE EMERGENCY IS TAKEN CARE OF.
SURE.
SURE.
GREAT.
WELL, THIS IS NICE.
I WANTED YOU TWO TO MEET.
WHO WOULD'VE KNOWN IT'D BE TONIGHT, HERE, NOW.
TO OLD FRIENDS.
OLD FRIENDS.
OLD FRIENDS.
SO, YOU 2 KIDS WENT TO MODELING SCHOOL TOGETHER, HUH? SAM WENT TO YALE.
YALE.
MUST'VE PUT QUITE A DENT IN THE OLD MAN'S POCKETBOOK, HUH? YEAH.
WELL, I KIND OF WORKED MY WAY THROUGH SCHOOL.
NO KIDDING.
ME, TOO.
I SPENT A FEW SHIFTS BEHIND THE BAR.
STILL, I GUESS TIPS REALLY DON'T PAY FOR A COUNTRY CLUB LIKE YALE, HUH? I HAD A STREAK OF GOOD LUCK.
YOU WORKED YOUR FINGERS TO THE BONE.
RIGHT PLACE, RIGHT TIME.
SAM, THEY DON'T GO AROUND GIVING OUT PATENTS TO COLLEGE SOPHOMORES.
PATENT? IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
IF I HADN'T STUMBLED ONTO IT, SOMEONE ELSE WOULD'VE.
AN INVENTOR, HUH? LET ME GUESS.
YOU'RE THE GUY THAT INVENTED EDIBLE UNDERWEAR.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA! NO.
IT'S NOTHING THAT INTERESTING.
I WAS NOODLING AROUND WITH LOW-DENSITY POLYMERS.
ONE THING LED TO THE OTHER.
LONG TIME AGO.
WHERE'D YOU GO TO SCHOOL, DAVE? I WENT TO A COUPLE OF DIFFERENT PLACES, ACTUALLY.
UM COUPLE OF DIFFERENT PLACES.
I PLAN ON GOING BACK SOMEDAY AND FINISHING UP.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO THESE DAYS, SAM? SET FOR LIFE? I WISH.
NO.
NO, IN FACT, RIGHT NOW, I'M IN-BETWEEN JOBS.
NO KIDDING.
WHIZ KID LIKE YOU, HUH? WELL, I'M SURE SOMETHING'S BOUND TO TURN UP.
I KNOW.
LOOK, I, UH, I KNOW A FEW PEOPLE.
I'D BE HAPPY TO MAKE A FEW PHONE CALLS FOR YOU, IF YOU LIKE.
DAVID.
GEE, THANKS, DAVE, BUT YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO.
WELL, DON'T THANK ME, NOW.
YOU'RE A FRIEND OF MADDIE'S, DOWN ON YOUR LUCK.
I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP OUT.
DAVID, SAM DOESN'T NEED HELP.
MADDIE, THE MAN JUST SAID HE WAS BETWEEN JOBS.
TELL HIM, SAM.
TELL ME WHAT? WHAT? SAM'S AN ASTRONAUT.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA! I HATE THAT WORD.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? NO.
NO.
THERE'S JUST NOTHING MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
NOT UNTIL THEY GET THE DARN O-RINGS STRAIGHTENED OUT.
YEAH, THEM DAMN O-RINGS ARE A BUMMER.
YEAH.
WELL, LOOK, I MEAN, THEY JUST NEEDED A PARTICLE PHYSICS GUY ON THE TEAM.
JUST THREW MY NAME INTO THE HAT.
GOT LUCKY, I GUESS.
YEAH.
I GUESS SO.
ANYBODY WANT TO ORDER? HA HA HA! David: YOU KNOW, PERSONALLY, I THINK SPACE TRAVEL IS HIGHLY OVERRATED.
YOU GOT NO STEWARDESSES, NO MOVIES- NO DRINKING.
OH.
I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT WE WERE CELEBRATING.
AREN'T WE CELEBRATING, SAMMY? OH, YEAH, WE'RE DEFINITELY CELEBRATING.
YOU BETCHA, WE'RE CELEBRATING.
I PREFER TERRA FIRMA.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE FIRMA THE TERRA, THE BETTER.
OO-HOO! HA HA HA! HOW ABOUT YOU, MADDIE? YOU STILL AFRAID OF FLYING? WHAT? SAM.
SHE USED TO BE SCARED TO DEATH OF FLYING.
WHEN WAS THAT? SUMMER OF '71? YEAH.
I WAS UP IN SCHOOL IN BOSTON, AND SHE CAME UP TO VISIT.
GOT OFF THE PLANE.
SHE WAS WHITE AS A GHOST.
HUH.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
YOU TWO, IN COLLEGE NO.
NOT THEN.
LATER, I MEAN- SAM.
NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
YOU EMBARRASSED? YEAH, DON'T BE EMBARRASSED.
SHE COULDN'T EVEN ENJOY THE TRIP, SHE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT THE FLIGHT BACK.
I FELT SO SORRY FOR HER, FINALLY BORROWED A CAR FROM A FRIEND OF MINE AND DROVE HER TO CHICAGO MYSELF.
OH, THAT MUST'VE TAKEN SOME TIME, HUH? IT DID.
2 DAYS, RIGHT.
WELL, SHE SEEMS TO BE JUST FINE ABOUT FLYING NOW.
BUT THEN, I AIN'T GOT A CAR.
HMM? SAM.
OH, RIGHT.
YOU TWO GET AROUND, HUH? APPARENTLY.
HA HA HA! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, PAL.
I INSIST.
HEY, COME HERE.
YOU CAN GET THE NEXT ONE, SPACE COWBOY.
OK.
I ONLY GOT MARTIAN DOLLARS ANYWAY.
HA HA HA! MARTIAN DOLLARS.
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GOOD.
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME LUKE SKYWALKER OVER HERE HAS GOT SUCH A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.
HEY, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
I KNOW THIS GREAT CLUB.
WE CAN GO BY THERE.
IT'S OPEN MIC NIGHT.
YOU GET UP, YOU TELL A COUPLE OF THESE MARTIAN JOKES.
YOU'LL KILL THEM.
DAVID.
WHAT DO YOU SAY? THAT'S NOT REALLY MY STYLE.
COME ON.
WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF ADVENTURE? LOOK, IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE MONEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT- I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, MR.
ADDISON.
YOUR CARD WAS REFUSED.
YOU'RE TERRIBLY SORRY WHAT? LOOK, MY MAN, I'M TRYING TO BUY A DINNER OVER HERE FOR A NATIONALLY FAMOUS ASTRONAUT.
WHY DON'T YOU GO- HEY, DAVID, IT'S OK.
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BABE, I GOT IT.
DAVID.
IT'S OK.
WELL I'LL GET YOU BACK, LUKE.
YEP.
I KNOW YOU WILL.
LOVELY EVENING.
REALLY LOVELY EVENING.
GIVE ME THE TICKET, I'LL GIVE HIM THE TICKET, AND I'LL DRIVE YOU HOME.
LOVELY EVENING.
REALLY, A LOVELY EVENING.
OH, YOU TWO GUYS CAME IN THE SAME CAR.
WELL, LOOK, THAT'S NO PROBLEM.
GIVE ME THE TICKET, I'LL GIVE HIM THE TICKET.
SAM, UM, WE CAN DROP YOU, RIGHT? WE CAN DROP HIM, RIGHT? OH, YOU BROUGHT- BROUGHT BOTH CARS.
OK.
WELL, THEN, THIS IS GOOD-BYE, THEN.
ALL RIGHT.
MR.
SKYWALKER, IT HAS BEEN A REAL PLEASURE MEETING YOU.
I HOPE TO BE HEARING ABOUT YOU SOON.
I HOPE TO BE READING ABOUT YOU SOON.
AND I'M SURE THAT THE BLASTOFF WILL BE A BLAST.
UM, GIVE ME THE TICKET, AND I'LL START THE CAR, AND YOU GUYS SAY GOOD-BYE.
OK? GIVE ME THE K- THE KEYS ARE IN THE CAR.
CAN'T START THE CAR WITHOUT THE KEYS.
DUMB, DAVID.
KEYS ARE IN THIS CAR.
I'M SORRY.
DON'T BE.
HOW ABOUT, UH, I DRIVE HIM HOME? MEET YOU BACK AT THE HOUSE.
HEY, COWBOY, I'M TAKING YOU HOME.
YOU KNOW, A THOUGHT JUST FLITTED THROUGH MY HEAD.
YOU'RE NOT STAYING AT A HOTEL, ARE YOU? THINK YOU CAN WALK TO MY CAR? OF COURSE I CAN WALK TO YOUR CAR.
HERE WE GO.
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? MM-HMM.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
NOW, YOU'RE AN ASTRONAUT, RIGHT? MM-HMM.
NOW, WELL, I- YOU, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING'S GOING ON, BUT YOU'RE AN ASTRONAUT, RIGHT? YOU GOT A REPUTATION TO THINK OF, RIGHT? HUH? I'M JUST TAKING YOU HOME.
THEN TAKE MADDIE HOME.
NO.
NO, NO, I LIKE YOU BETTER.
GET IN.
MADDIE.
THIS IS A VERY NICE MAN.
Frank Sinatra, on radio: * WHEN SOMEBODY LOVES YOU * * IT'S NO GOOD UNLESS HE LOVES YOU * Sinatra and Sam: * ALL THE WAY * * HAPPY TO BE NEAR YOU * * WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO CHEER YOU * * ALL THE WAY * * TALLER THAN THE TALLEST TREE IS * * THAT'S HOW IT'S GOT TO FEEL * * DEEPER THAN THE DEEP BLUE SEA IS * * THAT'S HOW DEEP IT GOES, IF IT'S REAL * * WHEN SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU * * IT'S NO GOOD UNLESS THEY NEED YOU * * ALL THE WAY * Sinatra: * THROUGH THE GOOD OR LEAN YEARS * * AND FOR ALL THOSE IN-BETWEEN YEARS * AHEM.
* COME WHAT MAY * * WHO KNOWS WHERE THE ROAD WILL LEAD US? * * ONLY A FOOL WOULD SAY * * BUT IF YOU LET ME LOVE YOU * * IT'S FOR SURE I'M GONNA LOVE YOU * FEELING OK? A LITTLE QUEASY.
ARE YOU GOING TO SING AGAIN? GOT TO GET SOME GAS.
WHOO.
DON'T BE EMBARRASSED.
DON'T BE EMBARRASSED.
I UNDERSTAND.
I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
IT'S A GLANDULAR THING.
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN APPOINTED BY EVERY OTHER LIVING THING ON THE PLANET TO EXPLAIN TO YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN 2 SOLIDS MEET.
CAN YOU SAY THAT? SOLIDS.
ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL START AT THE BEGINNING.
YOU SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE IS A BIG SOLID.
WHOA, NELLIE.
HEY, THERE'S SOME GUY OUT THERE USING YOUR FRIEND FOR A BUTTER CHURN.
HEY! LET ME AT YOU.
OH! HEY! WAIT.
WAIT.
BACK OFF, OR I'LL BREAK HIM IN HALF.
NOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, PAL.
THAT GUY'S AN ASTRONAUT.
I GUESS YOU NEVER MESSED WITH AN ASTRONAUT BEFORE, HUH? HEY, PAL, COME ON.
COME ON.
WHY NOT JUST PUT HIM DOWN? GUY'S HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
OH, YOU BETTER LISTEN TO HIM, MAN.
I AIN'T FEELING TOO GOOD.
HE GOES DOWN WHEN I GET READY, AND HE GOES DOWN HARD.
OK.
OK, I'M JUST TRYING TO WARN YOU.
HE'S NOT LOOKING TOO GOOD.
HE'S JUST WARNING YOU.
WARNING ME ABOUT WHAT? UGH AARGH! HEY.
WE SHOW THOSE GUYS WHAT WE WERE MADE OF TONIGHT, OR WHAT? YEAH.
THERE WAS JUST ONE GUY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE WAS ONLY ONE GUY? HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP? RIGHT.
THERE WERE 4.
COME ON.
COME ON.
OOF! UNH! YEAH.
ME AND YOU.
WE GOT TO DO THIS AGAIN SOMEDAY.
YEAH.
MAYBE I OUGHT TO SCAB OVER FIRST.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH DAMES.
THEY NEVER KNOW HOW TO ENJOY A GOOD STREET FIGHT.
WHO NEEDS THEM? ESPECIALLY MADDIE.
OHH! NOW THERE'S UNO UPTIGHT WHITE CHICK.
KEYS.
I MEAN, YOU NOTICE WE DIDN'T START HAVING ANY FUN TILL WE DITCHED HER? NEVER HAVE ANY FUN WITH MADDIE.
ALWAYS GOT TO BE IN CONTROL, DAVID.
SHOES ALWAYS GOT TO MATCH THE BAG, DAVID.
I DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF THAT.
I KNOW.
TRY NOT TO FALL OUT OF BED.
HEY, LUKE.
YEAH.
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
RAT BASTARD.
MADDIE? UP HERE.
NICE TUNE.
STILL YOUR FAVORITE? YEAH.
YEAH, STILL MY FAVORITE.
SOME NIGHT, HUH? SOME NIGHT.
HE'S, UM, QUITE A GUY.
SINATRA? YEAH.
YEAH, SINATRA.
COME HERE.
* THROUGH THE GOOD OR LEAN YEARS * * AND FOR ALL THOSE IN-BETWEEN YEARS * * COME WHAT MAY * * WHO KNOWS WHERE THE ROAD WILL LEAD US? * * ONLY A FOOL WOULD SAY * * BUT IF YOU LET ME LOVE YOU * * IT'S FOR SURE I'M GONNA LOVE YOU * * ALL THE WAY * * ALL THE WAY * * AND WHEN SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU * * IT'S NO GOOD UNLESS SHE NEEDS YOU * * ALL THE WAY * * THROUGH THE GOOD OR LEAN YEARS * * AND FOR ALL THOSE IN-BETWEEN YEARS * * COME WHAT MAY * * WHO KNOWS WHERE THE ROAD WILL LEAD US? * * ONLY A FOOL * CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL * OOH * * SOME WALK BY NIGHT * * SOME FLY BY DAY * * SOMETHING IS SWEETER * * 'CAUSE WE MET ON THE WAY * * 'CAUSE WE MET ON THE WAY *