Moonlighting s05e02 Episode Script

Between a Yuk and a Hard Place

- It's my sister's fianc?.
I'm afraid he's - a woman.
Following me every night on my way home from work in a car.
About the size of a pocket watch placed carefully between my heart and soul.
- It's a megillah.
- So i need to know - will you? - Won't you? - Would you? - Can you? - All right.
I'll take the case.
I'll take the case.
I'll take the case.
I'll take the case.
I'll take the case.
You've reached blue moon.
She'll be with you soon.
The cheque's in the mail.
Your husband's in jail? One moment, please, excuse the reprise.
You don't have to type this right away.
Just whenever it slows down.
- Any messages? - Here.
Addison in yet? Would you pencil me in a client at 4:45? - You already have one.
- Four forty-seven then.
Yes, miss hayes.
Agnes, about mr.
Addison, when he comes in you don't have to tell him i was looking for him.
- Okay.
- I just wanted to find out if he'd served those papers yet.
There's no need to mention it.
Okay, miss hayes.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Guess that's all.
Agnes, feed these into the pc when you get a breather, will you? I haven't been this harsh since you were in charge.
What's going on with miss hayes, anyway? Perhaps she figured out someone's gotta crack the whip here.
I'm afraid that's not the only thing that's cracked.
I'm worried about her.
Everything that she and mr.
Addison have been through lately.
I mean yeah.
Well i know what you're thinking, but she has bounced back quite nicely.
Bounced back? You ever have a super ball when you were a kid? You bounce it a little and it bounces a lot.
Too much, way too much.
- What are you getting at? - I don't think she's dealing with stuff.
- And where's mr.
Addison? - He's serving those papers.
- The anselmo case.
- Oh, come on.
For two weeks? Well, maybe he's just not comfortable with the new, improved blue moon.
Free spirits and free enterprise don't always mix.
I don't think that's it, burt.
Sometimes a tragedy will bring two people closer together and sometimes when was the last time you saw them together? Agnes time heals all wounds.
I certainly wouldn't worry about mr.
He's a man of steel.
And miss hayes, miss hayes is a miraculous woman.
A real survivor.
But do you know what her saving grace is? Her industry.
And believe me, around here, a little industry is not a bad thing.
In fact, it's a good thing.
It's good for her, good for us.
The eclipse of idleness has passed and blue moon's rising once again.
Moonrise, huh? Yeah and i bet you're gonna be the first one in line to pucker up.
Looking a little green around the irises, aren't we? You'd have to get a stepladder to see my irises.
Okay, stop it right now.
You'd think you'd both be too beat to bicker.
- Why don't you make up? - I would rather drink my - i'd pay to watch it.
- You would.
What is it with you two, anyway? I can't even remember what it is, why you hate each other.
- Oh, it's very simple.
- Yeah.
- We just do.
- Yeah.
- Right? - Blind hatred.
See, you agree on something.
Agree? Never.
I love this man.
Me neither.
- Morning, agnes.
- Good morning, mr.
- Morning's almost over.
- Already? Time sure flies when you're hunting down wanted criminals.
I just dropped by this morning because there were barges being toted and bales being lifted.
And i never in my life have seen a man tote a barge.
Is the blond dervish still whirling? - Miss hayes? She just asked about you.
- Really? Well, not you exactly.
- She asked about the case.
- What case? That criminal you've been hunting down this morning.
- Yeah, the anselmo case.
- She needs to know if you served the agnes, man-to-man, has this woman got a case of the cases or what? - David.
- Maddie.
You look just like i remembered.
So do you.
- You look busy, i'm gonna - your 2:30 just cancelled.
It did? Guess i have some time.
Would you like to step in and sit a minute? Well, i really should get some work done on this anselmo thing.
But, yeah, i got a minute.
Well, stranger.
Hi, burt.
You certainly have been making yourself scarce around these parts.
Well, i've been in and out.
So so so how about those mariners? Herbert.
Herbert, could you help me? I can't reach the coffee filters.
Agnes, i'm visiting with mr.
Addison and miss hayes.
- Now! - Excuse me.
Nice chatting.
So - you been okay? - A-okay.
- I'm fine.
- Good.
You? You doing all right? Fine.
- Busy.
- Yeah, i can see that.
Should put a sign on the front office, ''over 6 billion cases solved.
'' Well, i was just wondering how you've been doing.
Haven't seen much of you lately.
Well, i, you know i've been here.
When i'm here, you're not.
Or if you are here, you're behind closed doors.
All of which have doorknobs.
I'm still, you know, running around trying to track down this anselmo guy.
- Man must be very elusive.
- Yeah, he's hard to find too.
Oh, it doesn't matter, take your time.
I've got things handled around here.
- Yeah, it looks that way.
- Just trying to run a business.
I just wish you would take these cases for normal reasons.
Are you saying i'm not normal? David it's not normal to expect a paycheque when you've been bagging z's.
There's a woman here to see you.
A client.
She doesn't have an appointment.
Oh, she doesn't need an appointment.
For that matter, she doesn't even need a case.
Old sherlock hayes here will invent one for here.
Excuse me.
You have no right to criticise which clients - you take all clients.
- Until you show up on a semi-regular basis.
Well, i'm here now.
And a client's about to walk through that door and you're about to take that case for no reason.
Here we are.
Hello, i'm madelyn hayes and this is my - this is david addison.
- Hi.
- I'm mrs.
Dennis spring, joan.
- Won't you sit down? - Yeah.
- Have a seat.
How may we help you? Six months ago, i met dennis in key west.
He was doing research.
He's a writer and i was working as a companion to an elderly woman.
Anyway, we met and it was instant chemistry.
We did everything together.
We went to the beach, the laundromat, sunsets.
The night before i was supposed to leave and dennis and i were walking down duval street and he proposed.
I can't tell you how happy i was.
Finally a guy worth saying yes to.
Well, we stayed on for another 1 0 days, kind of a honeymoon and then we flew home, his home.
The next morning, he was taking a shower i thought i'd unpack his bags.
I wasn't looking through his stuff or anything like that but i found this little leather box.
And in it was a lock of hair folded inside a piece of stationery along with a wedding ring.
Engraved inside, it said: ''To christina forever dennis.
'' Well, he'd never said anything about being married before.
And i couldn't understand why he'd want to keep that from me.
So i asked one night, kind of casually if there'd ever been another woman he'd thought about marrying.
He said, no.
The next day, the little leather box was gone.
I'm afraid that my husband might still be in love with this christina and that he's married me on the rebound.
I know it sounds like i'm driving myself crazy but i need to know.
It's no good trying to forget about her.
I can't.
I need to know where i stand.
There was a name and an address printed on the stationery.
Indio, it's somewhere near palm springs.
I wrote it down.
Maybe you can trace her through it.
I'd rather live alone than live a lie.
Okay, mrs.
I'll take the case.
Six billion and one.
There's that tumbleweed again.
I hope we're not driving around in circles.
- All tumbleweeds look the same.
- Yeah.
That's what they say about blue-eyed blonds.
- Is something bothering you? - No, is something bothering you? No.
- You seem quiet.
- So do you.
Well maybe i am a little concerned about you.
You got this gigantic caseload waiting at the office and we're in the middle of nowhere on a wild-goose case.
Out with it.
Here? Right now, while i'm driving? What do you have against this case? I don't have anything against this case.
But this case is not a case.
A lesley gore song maybe or a archie comic book but it ain't no case.
You don't think mrs.
Spring has the right to know? Sure.
If some nitwit babe wants us to find out if bobby loves judy more than her who am i to sneeze at a payday? You think it's normal that mr.
Spring keeps this from his wife? It's not a secret, it's the past.
His past.
And the past is not community property.
She has to get past his past.
She can't just deny it ever happened.
- What's so funny? - She can't just what it ever happened? Deny it ever happened.
What? It's just that i can't help being struck by a certain irony.
- Irony about what? - Denying.
- You think i'm denying? - No, it's just a fluke you've worked harder in two weeks than three years.
That's coping.
What you've been doing is denying.
- What have i been doing? - Coming late.
Goofing off.
- Avoiding work.
- I always do that.
That's not denial.
If that's not denial, i don't know what is.
Denial is lying to yourself.
I'm not getting older, i'm getting better.
Looks aren't everything, size doesn't matter if anybody would know, you would.
You've elevated denial to an art form.
I deny i'm the one who's denying.
Deny away but i'm not the one that's denying.
- A denial if i ever heard one.
- Not a denial, a statement of fact.
See, now you're even denying that the denial was a denial.
I'm denying that i've been denying, which is a different thing.
You're not denying and i'm not denying then we shouldn't have any trouble talking.
- No trouble at all.
- We can be honest.
- Absolutely honest.
- Speak our minds.
- Tell the truth.
- Not hold back.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You go first.
Hey, you need a lift? Interesting guy.
I never knew that about catgut.
I'm gonna miss him on the ride home.
- Mr.
Swinburne? - Yeah.
We were looking for a christina swinburne.
- We were - who are you? We're the skipsquads.
I'm hank.
This is cissy.
We're with the high school reunion committee in tina's class and we were having a hard time locating her.
Would you have any idea where we could locate her? You can't.
My sister's dead.
She died 1 0 years ago.
Drove her car off a cliff.
What a pity.
She and dennis made a great couple.
Augie, don't do that.
Please, sit down.
Augie, get off her.
So you guys knew dennis? I haven't seen him for years but everybody knew dennis.
Everybody knew dennis.
And let me tell you, there was more than one broken heart when your sister became mrs.
Dennis spring.
- Yeah, i can imagine.
- Yeah.
I carried a torch for years.
Well, she was a pretty special person.
I tell you, the day doesn't go by when i don't think of her.
But i've had 1 0 years to get used to the idea of her being gone.
- Well, i'm sorry to bring it up again.
- That's all right.
You go stirring up the past, you're bound to dig up a tragedy or two.
Okay, go away.
Poor dennis.
I'm sorry we couldn't find out more, but under the circumstances i understand.
It must have been awkward.
No wonder dennis can't talk about it.
Now you don't have anything to worry about.
She's dead, that doesn't mean dennis is not in love with her anymore.
It makes it hard for them to meet at the motel.
The important thing is he loves you, he's committed to you, married you.
I don't know.
I've told myself that a million times.
I just wish i could believe it.
Maybe it's just fear of the unknown.
I've built her up to be someone so formidable.
The bio in her yearbook didn't say anything about being formidable.
Her yearbook, you have it? Can i see her picture? We could have gone to a date farm, but no, you had to go to a library.
Are you sure you wanna put yourself through this? She's dead.
Please, i hired you to get this information for me, not keep it from me.
This could be me.
We did notice a resemblance.
All this time, i've just been a substitute.
A replacement for the woman he really loves.
- I'm not gonna be in tomorrow.
- No problem.
And the next day either.
I'll probably well, i'm not gonna in for a while.
I'm taking a course in surveillance back in virginia.
Some people that used to work for the government.
I'll be back in a few weeks.
No problem.
Addison, here's your ticket.
Thanks again, agnes.
- This means you're going away.
- In all my born days l've never met a person who puts two and two together faster than you.
Math was always my strongest subject.
So this trip, miss hayes wouldn't be going with you? She wouldn't.
Too bad.
You know how she loves to travel.
Well, somebody's gotta keep the home fires burning.
Want me to confirm your return reservations? Well, i'm not really sure when that's gonna be.
Well, have a really good time.
I'll send you a postcard, all right? I'll send you one with the dog with the little antlers on his head.
You don't have that one, do you? Okay, i'll see you.
Addison this is probably not any of my business.
I'm sure that it's not my business and you're gonna get very mad at me but i couldn't live with myself if i didn't say something.
Don't you think that you and miss hayes should talk? We do.
All the time.
Page after page after page of dialogue i know that the last couple of weeks haven't been any clambake for you.
But she wants everybody to think that she's just fine.
And you want everybody to think that you're just fine.
- I am just fine.
- I doubt it.
But guys have to pretend like they're bulletproof even though they're all ripped up inside.
That's the only thing miss hayes sees so she's gotta be bulletproof too.
And both of you have got more holes in you than one of burt's socks.
You be good while i'm gone.
Well, it looks like we're almost over the hump.
Pretty soon you'll have me out of your flaxen locks.
Miss hayes, do you realise i've been at blue moon nearly two years and this is the first time you and i have worked together, one-on-one? Has it been that long? The two happiest years of this special agent's life.
And i must say, you are much more than the pleasing fa‡ade i mistook you for in the beginning.
You're diligent, driven, yet happy in your work.
My father always said, '' if a job's not worth doing well, it's not worth doing.
'' What i wouldn't give to be the man who sired you.
I can't believe how quickly you got this report index the client report file index.
Well, you certainly pulled it together in no time.
On the wings of your inspiration, miss hayes.
- Thank you, mr.
- Oh, please, call me herbert.
Miss hayes.
Is herbert here? I'm right here, agnes.
This had better be important.
We were in the middle of attending to very pressing business.
While you were getting pumped over her pumps mr.
Addison's ready to leave.
I know that.
He promised to send me a ham.
Disasters in the wings and you're in the deli.
- We've gotta do something.
- About what? Remember the last time one of them flew because they couldn't cope? - Sure.
I practically carried this place.
- You buried this place.
The four horsemen were pitching their tent here.
I can't face that again.
They can't face that again.
Unless you want to get your butt kicked out of prime time and on to cable, we better do something pronto.
Agnes mr.
Addison is an adult.
And he is entitled to continue his studies if he so chooses.
It's not as if there isn't someone ready, willing and able to fill his shoes.
What is this thing that you have with shoes? His aren't even out the door and you're trying them on? I just see no reason why madelyn and i cannot fine.
If you won't help me, i'll find someone else who will.
Macgilicuddy, wait up.
- So how came you're not working late? - I decided to work at home.
Where is this thing? It's taking forever.
Right now it's on the 21 st floor.
- You'll like virginia.
- I was there once.
- Well, at the airport.
- Nice airport.
- We're not moving, david.
- Give it a minute, it'll start up again.
We're stuck, david.
No, we're not stuck.
We're just not moving.
Isn't that what stuck means? - Okay, we're stuck.
- Well, where's the emergency button? Didn't work.
Hey! Hey, we're stuck in here! It's okay.
Hit it, byron.
Morning, how did you sleep? - Great, great, great.
You? - Lousy.
- But great.
- Terrific.
- Miss dipesto, will you? - Cancel your reservation? Yes.
Hey, agnes.
- How did operation elevator go? - It went great.
You mean, we didn't get shafted? What do you mean? Happily ever after? Well, there's a good chance.
Oh, agnes, you are quite a schemer and i might add quite a romantic.
And you, macgilicuddy, are quite a remarkable saboteur.
Blue moon detective agency, good morning to you.
It's a wonderful day, everything's great, we're happy to say.
The world's full of cheer, there's reason for glee thanks to quick work by macgilicuddy and me.
Oh, my golly.
What's wrong? How can i give them this news now? They were smiling this morning, together in the same room, for the first time.
How can i tell them joan spring is dead? - Who's joan spring? - She's a client.
- Was a client.
Now she's dead.
- Too bad, what happened? Drove her car off a cliff, like michael spring's wife.
- Michael? - Joan's husband.
- Christina's too.
- Christina? First wife.
Looked just like the second.
Drove her car off a cliff.
- Both wives drove their cars off cliffs? - Michael spring's dead? - Drove his car off a cliff? - Isn't anyone watching this episode? - No.
Joan spring is dead.
- Michael's second wife.
- The client.
- Drove her car off a cliff.
- Like christina.
- Michael's first wife.
- Drove her car off a cliff too.
- Let me get this straight.
- These two women look alike.
- Right.
- Married the same man.
- Right.
- Both drove their cars off cliffs? - Right.
- Then who's harold? - Christina's birdbrained brother.
- Right.
He drive his car off a cliff too? - Not yet.
Poor michael spring.
- Poor joan and christina.
- Poor miss hayes and mr.
- You got a nail clipper.
- No.
- Oh, never mind.
- What's that? Oh, i just thought i might need this later on in the show.
We can sit here and wait until a democrat's in the white house or get this over with.
How do you tell someone their wife's dead because of you? It's not your fault joan spring took a wrong turn on purpose off a mountain.
- Then why do i feel so bad? - You did what she asked you to.
She wanted answers but couldn't live with them.
Can you imagine how dennis spring must feel losing two wives in 1 0 years? Can you imagine his auto insurance premiums? Well, thank you for your sympathies, miss hayes, mr.
Addison but you mustn't feel responsible for joan's death.
It's hard not to.
Well, then let me put your mind at ease.
I killed my wife.
This has been a hoot but we got a meatloaf back in the oven at the trailer park.
No, no.
You have nothing to fear from me.
I've already called the police.
- That's who i thought you might be.
- But why? Because she was blackmailing me.
It's probably why she hired you, to dig up more dirt.
Why would a wife blackmail her husband? Our marriage wasn't exactly made in heaven.
And then when she found out about christina that i had been indicted for her murder, tried and acquitted joan was in a position to dictate the terms of our divorce.
- Her terms.
- But you were acquitted.
- What's the blackmail? - I'd started over.
I'd left dennis jones back in indio, came to the big city as dennis spring.
New name, new town, new life joan was gonna drag me through the mud again.
Anyway, i lost my temper hit her tried to make it look like suicide.
But what's the use? It's easier just to skip the whole rigmarole and go to jail.
Because a murder trial can really take it out of you.
Oh, that'll be the police.
Man catches 40 winks, next thing you know, he's in a different climate.
I've been shanghaied.
- You've been sleeping.
- Something.
Can't remember a hell of a lot lately.
Dennis spring changed his name from dennis jones.
- Is that what he said? - Yeah.
And archie leach liked cary grant better, big deal.
So how could his wife blackmail him about a secret past when his new identity as dennis spring was a secret? Maddie, you've had the same pantyhose on for two days.
That can't be good for your circulation.
The o2 ain't getting up there between your earrings.
Well, be that as it may we didn't know that dennis spring used to be jones but harold did.
Oh, hi.
Come, quickly.
Come on in, quick, i got the birds out.
Swinburne mr.
Swinburne, we have a confession to make.
I'm not cissy and she's not hank.
Maddie hayes.
David addison.
We're detectives and we're here about dennis jones.
- What about him? - When we talked about him we referred to him as spring.
- You knew who we were talking about.
Well, you were asking questions about christina i figured you meant dennis, the man she was married to.
Who was tried for her murder and acquitted.
He was guilty as hell.
He even confessed after the trial.
They wouldn't reopen the case, some crap about double jeopardy.
- You seen him lately? - We don't keep in touch.
You knew about his new identity, his new name.
Did you know he was living in l.
A? - You weren't in l.
Last night? - I never get into the city.
I can't blame you, the traffic's a bitch.
But it's good to see that you keep up on life in the fast lane.
Couldn't help noticing onan here spilling his seed on yesterday's times.
You can get the times here in the desert, hell, in china.
- Not the westside edition.
- You didn't know until we told you.
What did you do? Did you follow us? All right, tell us everything you know about this episode.
You're crazy.
Ten years is a long time to hold a grudge.
You settled the score last night.
- But you can't prove anything.
- Yeah? The cops might wanna shine a light in your bird-loving eyes.
David, look.
He doesn't look like a jeep kind of guy.
Follow that brother.
We got him, david, he's running out of road.
With nowhere to go.
- But up.
- But up.
Let's go, maddie.
Look at him go.
Wrap it around my waist, maddie.
Ready? David.
Oh, my god, hang on.
Now, who says blonds are dumb? Of course, i'm gonna hang on.
I'm coming.
Good for you.
Oh, no.
I hope we don't go through that cactus field.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Right in the heart.
Hold on, david.
Whoa, hey.
Hey! Look out below! Hey, knock it off.
Well, so much for looking down her blouse.
David! I meant to do that.
Oh, no.
Hey, don't set the rope on - fire.
Oh, no.
This is how it happened to wile e.
Coyote just this morning.
- It's beautiful, isn't it? - Yeah, if you like the desert.
I'm a beach man myself.
You know i really should thank you for leading me to dennis.
He was the one i was after.
But when i saw his wife i knew i had an opportunity for real justice.
He took my christina so i took his.
- How far do you think you'll get? - Far enough.
Mexico, if this wind keeps up.
Mexico, huh? Nothing like a few margaritas and a few se¤oritas to take your mind off murder.
Too bad you won't be around for the fiesta.
Oh, i never miss a party.
Well, the air gets pretty thin up here.
Pretty soon there won't be hardly any oxygen at all.
Man could suffocate.
If he didn't freeze to death first.
What a revolting development.
Hey, how about a lift? Hey, wait a minute, stewardess.
I mean, flight attendant how about a blanket and coffee or something.
I'll go i'll go standby.
I knew i was gonna need this.
Here's david.
Oh, no.
Geronimo! David! David? David.
David? David? David! - David, please be okay.
- Maddie, is that you? Yes, are you all right? Well, i'm a little light-headed but that will pass unfortunately.
You know the whole time i was up there i had one thing on my mind.
- Putting him behind bars.
- Two things on my mind.
But most of all, all i could think about was being with you.
- Down here, on terra firma.
- Oh, david.
- And you know what? - What? - The firmer the better.
- That is the stupidest line.
I am a murderer.
I have committed homicide.
I demand to be put in a cell now.
This is a miscarriage of justice.
You can't let me go like this.
- Maybe we should cut our caseload.
- I think she's got it.
If we hadn't taken this, a man would go to prison for a crime he didn't commit.
- You're free.
- This is a miscarriage of justice.
- As in amscray.
- Look, look, i don't wanna go free.
Here, look, i murdered christina for her money and i got away with it.
I couldn't get away from the guilt.
I went to the da's office years later but he wouldn't reopen the case.
They thought i was a distraught husband.
But i killed her.
Well, we got a meatloaf in the oven at home.
- But you didn't kill joan.
- No, of course not.
But don't you see? When joan turned up dead, i saw an opportunity to finally pay for killing christina.
Now, i tried to pay for my crime twice and each time i failed.
- Maybe the third time's a charm.
- You know, maybe you're right.
Thank you.
There goes one sick poodle.
David, we're not moving.
A little help.
Maddie, did you push the button?