Moonshine (2021) s01e04 Episode Script
Zen and the Art of Midlife Maintenance
1
NORA: Previously on "Moonshine."
You guys are getting
a divorce, aren't you?
I don't know.
Something on your mind, caller?
I need you to know that
I'm not playing games.
Do you love me?
- Can you keep a secret?
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
Magic Mushrooms!
She kept Felicia's journals.
My daughter. My problem.
- (GASPS)
- (FIRE CRACKLES)
It had to be done, Sammy.
♪
MAN'S VOICE: Take a moment
to acknowledge
the present moment.
♪
Now, focus on a moment from the past
that brings up negative
emotion for you.
- Breathe in.
- (DEEP INHALE)
Acknowledge your pain.
Thank it.
(SCREAMS)
Breathe out.
(EMOTIONAL BREATHS)
And let it go.
(SCREAMS, PANTS)
That's it. Breathe.
Oh shit!
Find gratitude for your journey.
♪
We are pain and we are love.
(CRYING)
They are us.
(SNIFFLING) Okay.
We are eternal.
Ha! (GASPS)
Yeah.
Breathe in.
Ah! (THUDS TO GROUND)
Ow!
Breathe out.
(SCREAMS, STOMPS GROUND)
♪
(CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS)
♪
I'm gonna need you to delete that.
Serenity is yours.
I'm gonna destroy you!
It's my life, it's my life ♪
It's my life, my life ♪
It's my life, it's my life ♪
It's my life, my life ♪
Stan's done everything he could.
Said the septic needs
replacing. Roots everywhere.
It's probably the maple tree.
You know, I've always hated
that thing. Blocks my view.
Yeah, well, he says we're
shittin' on borrowed time.
Oh, Stan always had a way with words.
- How did you pay him?
- Cabin 4.
Labour Day Weekend.
Patsy's been after him
for a romantic getaway.
He loved the trade.
You guys, we can't barter
with all our suppliers.
We can't afford to pay them, either.
That's what I call harshing my mellow.
And we're short-staffed
because Rhian's on strike
until Lidia leaves.
This fighting between the
girls has gone on long enough.
They need a good talking to.
And if I do it,
somebody's going to die.
I'm gonna go see if uh,
I can catch Stan before he leaves.
You think I can broker a peace deal?
If you're gonna volunteer,
I am not gonna stand in your way.
You have a plan to fix
our cash flow problem.
Yeah, maybe.
I can lay it out for you
over fish and chips.
- Shore Club in 30?
- Fish and chips?
Okay, but only because
I'm hormonal. I need grease.
I already told you,
I am not stepping foot
on The Moonshine until Lidia is gone.
Well, I just heard Lidia and Nora
planning some top-secret meeting.
I just thought you'd wanna know.
Top-secret meeting?
What, are they eight?
I know, right? It's probably nothing.
- NORA: I don't care, Sammy.
- Figured.
But I just thought you'd wanna witness
an epic smackdown
between Lidia and Rhian.
Shore Club in 30.
You're full o' shit. Worst liar ever.
Okay, but aren't you dying to find out
why I'm full of shit?
♪
Sammy?
(DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE)
Why are you two here?
Uh, I'm here because Sammy's
a terrible liar.
I came for grease.
(LOUD CLATTERING IN DISTANCE)
- Oh. Oh, no, no.
- What?!
(BROOM RATTLES ON DOOR)
- You will pay for this!
- Hey no!
Hey, it's an intervention,
okay? The Moonshine is broke,
the only way we're gonna
survive the summer is
if we work together,
which means you guys
need to stop fighting.
Orders from management.
- Uh, we are management.
- Senior management.
Sammy, it's me! You love me!
Let us out or I will piss
in your favourite mug.
Teamwork makes the dream work!
- Sammy!
- No way! You're going down!
(CAN HISSES OPEN) (POUNDING ON DOOR)
(SPRITZES, LID RATTLES)
♪
(DRAWER RASPS)
(TIMER TICKS RHYTHMICALLY)
♪
(SIGHS)
♪
♪
Ugh! (LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)
(CAP HISSES OPEN)
Oh, my God, what?
Do you have something
you wanna say to me?
The level of your betrayal
is Shakespearean.
Complete with missing body parts.
What do you want me to do?
Cut off my finger so we match?
Will that be enough flesh for you?
(KNIFE UNSHEATHES)
Below the knuckle, left hand,
ring finger.
Be forewarned, it will make
giving my husband a hand job,
quite challenging. No grip.
- (CLAPS LIGHTLY)
- Come on! Enough!
You two need to work
through this. Apologize.
I have nothing to apologize for.
Um, a stolen septic truck
and a six-foot graffiti
of my cooch beg to differ.
Admittedly, things got a little crazy,
but if I can look past
the trailer fire
I told you, it wasn't me.
I would've finished the job!
This is pointless!
We will never be a team, Sammy!
For once, I agree with you.
When have we ever worked together?
Lust Monkey.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
Summer of '96.
♪
I was bait, Rhian was on lookout,
Nora was on provisions.
NORA: I loved that band.
RHIAN: Yeah, you and your big
plan to get us in,
And yours, to get us hard
lemonade, not screech.
It is not my fault
that Lidia is a lightweight.
(LAUGHING)
Poor Bruce.
(VOMIT SPLATTERS)
Took me forever to make those IDs.
That was a waste
of quality lamination.
Oh, please, you screwed up
the easiest job of all.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
♪
Wah!
I didn't screw up.
I saved us from getting busted.
We met the band
because of my concussion.
I mean, totally worth the head wound.
(CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS)
(ROCK MUSIC)
♪
So, if we did it then,
we can work together now.
So, this morning on my jog,
I cleared the cobwebs
- and came up with a new plan.
- Shocking.
Private equity.
People love The Moonshine.
Shouldn't be hard to find
an investor, right?
Hm, who's got that
kinda money around here?
What about Duffy Corkum?
- Duffy "Skin Tag" Corkum?
- Yeah!
Do you remember
the erection that he got
when you saved him from drowning?
I'm pretty sure he faked it
so I'd have to give him
mouth-to-mouth.
Skin Tag is filthy rich now.
He sold his wellness brand,
"Emanate," for like, $80 mil.
The $100 yoga pants?
Way to go, Duffy!
They really hold you in.
I have three pair.
He has some crazy compound
outside of Lunenburg,
and I'm pretty sure
he is single Lidia.
Are you suggesting I whore myself out
to an obnoxious troll,
to raise cash for The Moonshine?
Now, that is a plan I can get behind.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- (EXHALES)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
♪
(CART RUMBLES, GRAVEL CRUNCHES)
My girl is a strange animal ♪
She never sleeps through the night ♪
She gets a kick
from keeping my mind full ♪
And making wrongs into rights ♪
She wants more, more, ooh ♪
How can I give it to
her more, more, more ♪
♪
How can I give it to her
more, more, more ♪
(EXHALES)
♪
Yeah! Not cheap!
Ooh! Hella refreshing.
(CHUCKLES)
♪
Hm?
(ROCK MUSIC STOPS)
Hello? Is someone there?
(DRAWER RASPS CLOSED)
(LIGHT RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)
- (BOTTLES CLANG)
- Fresh towels!
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
(SNIFFS)
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
(DRAWER RASPS)
♪
This is a full conspiracy.
Every time I Google
plane tickets to NYC,
they jack the prices.
Can you clear the cookies
from the browser, or whatever
it is that you do?
Can you respect the fact
that I'm ignoring you?
It's not my fault Michael
didn't tell me
where the shrooms came from,
and now you two are in some big fight.
That is not what it's about, Eleanor.
- Then what's it about?
- You cleaned Uncle Ryan out.
I didn't know they were
Uncle Ryan's shrooms
- 'til after I sold them.
- Yes, but now you know,
and you're still keeping the money!
Look, I have to get out of here
or I will figuratively die, Finn.
Uncle Ryan can grow more mushies,
but I can't recapture these
lost days of youth.
He'd understand.
Would he? Because I don't!
♪
(WATER BURBLES)
♪
♪
Don't look at me like that.
(DOOR CREAKS SHUT, KEYS JINGLE)
♪
Wake and bake, huh?
- You want?
- I'm good.
I could use your help.
I am swamped with Rhian on strike, so.
I feel you, Sammy,
but what's the point
in doing anything?
Life is like a beautiful sandcastle -
- one wave, and whoosh.
- Nice metaphor.
Uh, well, this place is falling apart,
hence the request for help.
(SCOFFS) (WATER BURBLES)
- Give me that!
- No! No! No!
Eleanor is a flight risk
and Lidia wants us
to keep an eye on her.
- Can you at least do that?
- Eleanor?!
She's a tornado.
She's an amazing, poetic tornado,
and you can't contain a tornado,
little brother.
Not contain, um, watch.
Observe. Like a tornado hunter.
Like "Twister" 1996,
Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton!
You're Paxton!
- I'm Paxton?
- Yeah.
- I'm the Pax?!
- Yeah!
(LAUGHS)
(CHOKES, COUGHS)
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
(SIREN WAILS)
(TIRES CRUNCH, STOPS)
I wasn't speed walking,
officer, I swear.
Still gonna need to see your
licence and registration.
I heard you're uh,
living at the station?
Get in. Let's talk.
Um, this is kind of awkward,
but who do I talk to about
getting a restraining order.
- Uh, is it you or?
- Look,
I have made some mistakes in my life,
but I am not screwing this up again.
(BIRDS CHIRP)
I love you.
And I think that you love me, too.
Are you laying down the law, officer?
It is my job.
Wait, you're not getting
all Hallmark-porn on me,
because you need a place
to crash, are you?
You know,
wall yourself off behind jokes,
the radio booth glass,
the hard-to-get mambo.
(SCOFFS) Nora, you're scared.
I get that. I am, too,
but please, what we have,
you know, have the balls
to commit, for once.
I have balls, actually.
- Big, hairy, dangly ones.
- Prove it!
I gotta go meet Lidia and Rhian.
Tomorrow night. Shore Club.
Uh
You and your balls,
you tell me how you feel.
Oh, God.
No promises. Okay?
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
- (SIREN CHIRPS)
- Be there!
Yeah, I got it.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Okay, so I told him we wanna
have a Moonshine reunion.
We hit him with some good
ol' Finley-Cullen sister charm,
walk him down memory lane,
and then pitch him.
Bam, day saved!
So, I can leave in like 20?
Uh, no. If I have to suffer
through this, so do you.
I still have no clue why he
came. We were total bullies.
It's not bullying if someone sucks.
We gave that little prick
the best summers of his life.
He owes us.
Well, well, well! What have we here?
Let me see. Let me see!
His acne cleared up.
♪
Aye, aye, Captain Abs!
♪
LIDIA: Permission to come aboard!
He's like Brad Pitt hot.
And not just like any Brad Pitt hot,
like "Legends of the Fall"
Brad Pitt hot.
Yeah, I'm not usually into chinos,
but he's making 'em work.
RHIAN: Not my type.
NORA: Because you don't have a vagina?
What's your type, Nora?
Oh, wait, it's my husband.
This is strictly a business
opportunity for The Moonshine.
No, for your vagina.
You could totally do that guy.
What?! Me?
No! Not gonna happen.
Lidia, when was the last time
you got laid?
Oh, lemme see, it was none
of your goddamn business.
(BIRDS CHIRP)
- What?
- Oh, nothing.
Please, if anyone here is
guilty of having a dead bedroom
- on their hands
- I'm not talking about Terry.
Are you getting some D?
If you must know,
I have taken a lover.
Oh!
I must know.
Who, and how, and do they
know you have a clipboard?
All that I can say is
my lover is very detail-oriented,
and my lover is very
Okay, you cannot say lover anymore.
Lidia, answer the question,
and not in dog years.
(SIGHS) Do blowjobs count?
Might've been
(BIRDS CHIRP)
three years.
A born-again virgin. God help us!
A lot of married people
don't have sex.
It's not that big of a deal.
Come on. It's perfect!
You can bang the hottest guy
I've seen in real life
and get money for The Moonshine.
It's like two birds with one bone!
Oh my God, having sex
with someone else?
I wouldn't even know where to start.
Duffy's just so
he's got that V thing
just above his
Inguinal ligament.
The Lidia I knew was fearless.
Took what she wanted.
Usually in Daisy Dukes
in the backseat of Cherry B.
I'm pretty sure that Lidia
died in the 90s.
Well, that's too bad,
because that Lidia
taught me how to give a blowjob
on a banana,
and then ate it. That Lidia was fun!
Yes.
Hey! Hi!
Hey! You!
Oh, welcome back!
It's so good to see you, Duffy!
- So, you like?
- I wanted a boat,
but I didn't wanna be one
of those yacht douches,
so I sourced the wood from my
sustainable forest project
- in Belize.
- (GAGS)
Built most of my myself, by hand.
It was uh, pretty life changing.
Oh man, do I sound like a douche.
- (GIGGLES)
- No, no. It's impressive.
And who doesn't like a man
who's good with his hands?
Wouldn't you agree, Lidia?
Ah, man, this place has a smell.
Pine needles and sunscreen.
Hard-core boning.
I was gonna say hot dogs, but
LIDIA: Duffy?
I just wanted to say um, upfront,
we're really sorry
about how we treated you,
back in the day.
- And how we called you
- Skin Tag?
(SIGHS) We were stupid kids.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not sorry. You were a dick.
People change, so I hear.
Oh, the way I remember it,
it was just innocent teasing.
Uh, Nora tied you to a flagpole
before the summer jamboree,
to humiliate you.
Humiliate me? I mean, come on.
It's not like you stripped me
naked first.
Speaking of naked,
Lidia's recently single.
(CHOKES)
Shame Nora can't provide
anymore segues
because she has to go do that
thing she has to do now.
Oh, yeah, that thing. That um,
also Rhian is going to help me
with, to do.
What? Why the hell would
I help you with anything?
Oh, right. Yeah, the thing.
Well, later, Skin T
I mean, Duffy.
Well, I hope you don't
have something to do today.
I was hoping to take
a walk on the beach,
get my fill of that view again.
I mean, if you're available.
Yeah, uh, what about dinner?
I love that.
I love that, a lot.
- Hmm, seven?
- Ten.
So, enjoying some quality
time with all your girls home?
Fifteen, for two.
Well, you know
how it is with daughters.
Being "Mother of the Year"
yourself. (CHUCKLES)
Twenty.
Crystal was only ever good
for two things -
lovin' the wrong man, and rehab.
Didn't get either one from me.
How's she doing these days?
Other than loving
the wrong man, my son.
Go.
I don't involve her in my business
and I sure as hell don't wanna
know hers.
Well, that we can agree on.
The less my girls know about
our little deal, the better.
Thirty-one, for two.
But I told Sammy.
Sammy?
My health thing.
Just in case.
He can take over.
Look, I came out of
retirement for Felicia,
but this is starting
to feel like a risk.
We will get the shipment
delivered to the buyers.
You will get your loan back,
with interest.
I'll pay the summer staff.
Fix the septic.
What the hell,
maybe have enough left over
for a new pair of clogs.
All under control.
(CRIBBAGE BOARD RATTLES)
Skunked ya. (CARDS FLOP)
I'd cool it on the day-drinking.
MOIRA: Shipping container of off-brand
Chinese pharmaceuticals went missing
from the port last night.
Probably a few hundred grand worth.
You doing that stupid
lamebrain victory dance?
Uh, no. But just to reiterate,
you're saying I'm right.
Probably. Anyway,
go to work, or whatever.
Have you gotten anywhere
with crazy pants?
I, I don't think Rhian
actually knows anything.
We've been spending
a lot of time together
and I don't think she's lying to me.
God, are you falling for her?
What?! Pffft! No!
This keto thing is killing me!
I wanna go down on a baguette,
so hard right now.
Do whatever it takes,
all right? And Colin
- Yeah?
- nice work.
We might get outta this
hell-hole department yet.
(BEEPS CALL OFF)
(CRICKETS CHIRP, FROGS CROAK)
- Hot dogs?
- Organic.
Brioche buns, Artisanal ketchup,
free-range mustard.
Bougie white trash
at its finest, my friend.
Is this vacation for you, or?
Well, kind of a midlife reset.
Moonshine's the perfect
place for that.
Being where all
the dysfunction started,
with the people who caused it,
what could go wrong?
Yeah, I limit family visits
to under 24 hours.
But like some Darwinian nightmare,
they just find a way
to trigger me faster.
(LAUGHS)
Moonshine was the best part
of my childhood.
I even remember that dress.
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
Well, I had to dig it out
of my childhood closet.
All my clothes smelled
like smoke, long story.
You know, it's nice for once,
to not be drinking alone on my
boat watching "Shark Tank".
You, alone?
I worked so hard
to try to become someone
other than "Skin Tag" Corkum.
I sacrificed my personal life.
Ah, maybe it's just my excuse to avoid
putting myself out there
and getting rejected.
I'm sorry. You do not wanna hear me
unloading my mommy issues.
You want to pitch me on
investing in The Moonshine.
Um, I'm, I hope you don't think
It's okay. Investing in companies,
making them profitable,
it's kind of a hobby for me.
I mean, I'd be insulted if you didn't!
Let's go!
Okay. Here's the pitch.
The Moonshine,
as a world-class resort.
But not one scrubbed of its character.
Five-star luxury meets rustic charm.
The timeless elements
of our childhood summers
protected by a sustainable design.
I love that.
My design would incorporate
the natural beauty
rather than compete with it.
I mean, this is the pitch.
Salt in the air, the smell
of pine, the sunset.
I don't have to sell you on it;
you lived it.
I want everyone who visits this place
to experience it the way we have.
I'm sorry. This is my first
time pitching alone.
Um, usually my hus
My ex, Daniel, took the lead.
Well, that's a shame.
You're a natural.
I mean, you feel that, right?
♪
Yes.
♪
Oh, God.
Uh, whew!
- You okay?
- No, uh
I'm sorry, the truth is,
The Moonshine,
we're practically bankrupt,
it's a disaster, I don't know
what I'm doing.
(GASPS SHAKILY)
I'm not ready. You know?
S-e-x with you. It's not you.
I can't even have sex
with myself lately,
it's like, dead zone.
Okay.
Uh, you enjoy the view,
finish your wine.
I just gotta go.
(DEEP EXHALE) Ooooh!
♪
No hard-core boning, then, huh?
I had a panic attack, then I ran away.
But not before telling him
we were bankrupt
and that The Moonshine
is a terrible investment.
- Compelling pitch.
- What is wrong with me?
I feel like now is not
the time to pile on.
Oh! I don't know who I am,
or what I want,
or even what I'm doing here.
The only time I'm in touch
with my feelings
is when I'm having a panic
attack. And now, yeah,
I just wasted 20 years
of my life with a man
who I'm just now realizing,
didn't ever really see me.
Is that a thing?
That is the thing.
The only thing, and I've never had it.
So, if you have it with someone,
you should probably like,
hang on to them?
Oh, my God. Nora,
Terry loves you, you love him.
Get on with it. You're in love.
Shut up! Maybe. I don't know.
We're supposed to talk tonight.
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
Rhian is smiling,
which can me one thing.
Suicide bomb. (DOOR OPENS)
Your sluttiness finally paid off.
Duffy just came by with a contract.
- For what?
- He's in.
He is investing!
Looks pretty iron clad.
(LAUGHS HAPPILY) You closed, bitch!
Yeah.
This calls for an old school
Lust Monkey headbanger.
- Holy shit!
- Yes?
Uh, covers our debts,
plus there's enough leftover
to fix the septic
and get new uniforms!
- Ahhh, my God!
- Yeah!
(ROCK MUSIC STARTS)
♪
Woooo!
♪
Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock!
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
Uh, why are you creeping on me?
(SIGHS)
Sammy asked me to keep an eye on you.
You're the tornado;
I'm the tornado chaser.
- Uh, okay.
- (FINDERS SNAP)
Can you believe my Mom
hid my passport?
It's like I'm some indentured servant.
(BIRDS CHIRP)
I hear that.
Sometimes feels like everything
I do around here
is for somebody else.
Crystal's always on my ass,
Rhian bosses me around,
and Dad
I know what it's like
to not be your own boss.
And I know what it feels like
when no one believes in you.
Everybody believes in me.
I crush life.
But I I feel you on the boss stuff.
Thanks for understanding.
Hey, kid, if I had the courage
to stand up for myself
when I was your age.
Things might be different.
I might not be karma's bitch.
- That's not true.
- No, it is!
I was amazing at hacky sack.
Who knows where that coulda led?
(LIGHTER SNICKS)
(PAPER HISSES)
Maybe I can help you out.
- Help me escape? Seriously?
- No, no, no, I can't do that,
but I might know where your Mom
stashed your passport.
Shut up. For real?
You just wait. I got your back, kid.
(CHUCKLES)
(GRASS CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT)
(BAND PLAYS "LET GO THE LINE"
BY MAX WEBSTER)
Fluorescent lips on a painted face ♪
I think I know what you're feeling ♪
♪
This tightrope just
begins to feel like home ♪
When the wind comes
rising from a desert storm ♪
Hey, lookin' for a drink, big shot?
I'm guessing the house wine's boxed?
- That's the best-case scenario.
- I'll take a beer.
One of the perks of being
related to the owners.
And uh, hey, thanks
for what you're doing.
Ah, it's one of the perks
of being stupid rich.
Helping out old friends.
- Old friends.
- Moonshine forever.
♪
Listen, I'm sorry it
didn't work out with Lids.
I know you always had a thing for her.
She really needs to get laid,
like, really.
- Yeah, don't we all.
- Please.
You have lady problems?
- And the bubble bursts.
- That's right!
It's only the ugly rich guys
that get hot chicks.
What about you?
You got someone special?
There is someone who I don't hate.
Who I sometimes have sex with.
Well, I'm glad one of us
is getting some.
You feel like making a mistake?
(CIGARETTES CLUNK ON TABLE)
Duffy Corkum,
I am shocked and appalled.
Can I bum one?
After you hook us up
with some tequila shots.
Yes. Yes! Tequila. Tequila!
We need tequila, immediately!
♪
But all I know
is that tonight I might ♪
Let go the line
Let go the line
(NORA LAUGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(NORA LAUGHS)
♪
Shhh-shhh!
DUFFY: I don't know what I was doing
- wasting my time with Lidia.
- Uh uh.
- You were always the fun one.
- (LAUGHS)
That's me. Nora the party.
Hey, um, why don't we go
back to my boat?
I got a bottle of Chateau Lachrisse
worth more than your car.
No, that's sweet, but um,
I'm actually meeting someone,
so I should probably go.
I did a big favour for your family.
Um
It's time to do a favour for me.
- No. Okay? I gotta go.
- Please, look,
I'm the only person you
haven't slept with in Foxton.
What's one more drunk Saturday night?
No. No. Stop.
This is not Don't. Duff!
Stop it! Stop! Goddammit!
- (THUDDING BLOW)
- Ugh!
(ROCK MUSIC)
♪
You know it feels right
But it won't be long
♪
(SOBBING)
Nora, you okay?
Uh, I'm yeah. Have you seen Terry?
No, not tonight. Nora?
You okay?
Sweetie, what happened?
Nora?
I would be, if this stall
had any toilet paper.
(SOBBING)
(BROOM SCRATCHES, ITEMS CLATTER)
Honestly, it's just I'm fine.
It is not a big deal.
This is the definition of a big deal.
Yeah, it's assault!
We were wasted. I was flirting.
You should be able to flirt,
and drink,
and wear that hideous slutty
top, without consequence.
Where'd he go? I'm gonna destroy him.
Oh, Sammy, that's so cute.
What're you gonna do?
Beat him at a spelling bee?
- I can be badass.
- Quit the caveman shit.
We need his money.
- Screw his money.
- Before we say screw his money,
can we at least do a
cost-benefit analysis, here?
No.
No one messes with a Finley-Cullen
and gets away with it.
And I have a plan.
Duff? Hey!
♪
I've been looking for you.
I wanted to talk about last night.
(SIGHS) I need to apologize.
I know I'm traditionally the lookout,
but can I hurt him, please?
I don't know what I was thinking.
No worries, I mean,
I'm all about second chances.
- (STUN GUN CLICKS)
- (GASPS, GRUNTS)
- (THUDS)
- Oh.
Okay, so, let's say we get him back
to his boat in one piece. Then what?
(ROPE CREAKS, SEAGULLS CRY)
Ah, well, this worked out
better than I thought it would!
We are stone-cold bully bitches,
- and I am good with that!
- (LIDIA CHUCKLES)
This one's worth more than my car.
Why am I naked?
- Is that my wine?
- Mm-hmm!
- Guys, come on, untie me.
- Uh-uh.
Help! Uh, help!
Chill, chill.
We'll call the Coast Guard.
After everyone gets a sneak
peek of your little skin tag.
Ooh! It's like he was
at the back of the line
when he was handing out penises.
Bargain bin. Big time! I mean, small!
That is small!
Okay, you know what?
The only reason I even came back here
when you called was to get laid.
And you all turned out
to be a bunch of psychos.
- Hmm? Hmm, hmm, hmm!
- (NORA LAUGHS)
You know, I started from nothing
and I worked my way to the top
of the cut-throat world
- of yoga apparel.
- (SPUTTER AND LAUGH)
Oh, you think you scare me?
Laugh it up!
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, Duffy!
Well, you know what?
I am gonna sue the shit out of you.
- Oh, I'm gonna raze this place.
- Yeah.
- I'll sell it for parts.
- Here's the thing, Duff,
the reason why you had no
friends as a kid
wasn't because you were shy,
awkward, rotund,
it was because you were
a little asshole.
Now, you're just a big asshole
who thinks he can take
whatever he wants.
But you can't.
♪
(SIGHS) Happy sails, Skin Tag!
Bye. Ooh.
(EXHALES)
Your boat sucks.
(BUTTON CLICKS, ENGINE STARTS)
Guys! Guys, come on!
(WOOD CREAKS)
Help! Help! Somebody!
(SHOUTING) Anybody!
- For the record, I was fine.
- Help me!!!
And you're welcome.
It was a dick move
to sleep with your husband.
Sorry.
Well, I should maybe
thank you because
- (HAPPY EXHALE)
- Finish the sentence.
Because while you banged Terry,
I may have found the love of my life.
Oh! Mr. Detail-oriented.
His name is Oscar.
The nerdy lawyer guy?
Okay, you are the last person
I will be taking
relationship advice from,
thank you very much.
- And you are the second-last.
- Fair enough.
(WAVES LAP)
- What is going on with Terry?
- No idea.
We were supposed to meet up
last night.
He never showed, hasn't
texted me back, so, yeah.
Well, that's not like him.
I mean, I guess it is.
Because here I am.
Here we are.
In a weird way, this might
be better than Lust Monkey.
That was the last time
we hung out before
Everything went to shit?
Yeah, we know, we were there.
Lidia wasn't. She was in New York.
You know I couldn't be around
Mom after what happened.
I, I'm trying to make up for that.
Sorry about Terry.
No, this conversation
is not happening.
Over it. Move on.
Your lips keep moving,
but all I'm hearing is more wine.
I'll have some more wine!
I think we might have some more!
- I will have more!
- Thanks, Skin Tag!
(LAUGHING AND CHEERING)
- Woooo!
- Happy sailing, Skin Tag!
(LAUGHING AND CHEERING)
♪
(MUSIC ENDS)
(LIGHT FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
(DOOR OPENS)
What are you doing?
Could ask you the same question.
- Are those my chips?
- Yep!
Can you take your flip-flops
off of that?
That is a pashmina throw.
No problemo,
Colin!
Hidden in your boxer shorts,
which is weird.
I had you pegged as a
tighty-whitey kind of guy.
You know, I could have you arrested
- for breaking and entering.
- I was cleaning.
I'll be honest, I didn't
make it to your toilet.
Listen, (CLEARS THROAT)
Crystal,
I'm investigating something pretty big
and I'm in pretty deep,
so I was hoping you could
do me a huge, huge solid
and keep my identity under your
your bikini top.
- Sure!
- Really?
Oh, that's so great of you
But I am gonna need more than
ketchup chips to keep quiet.
Okay, what're we talkin'?
Two packs of du Mauriers.
And a two-four of Fiesta
Cherry Diet Coke.
And a letter of referral
for an apartment.
I am gonna need 24 hours.
And something else.
- I have a boyfriend.
- Not that!
Oh.
♪
You know, it's funny
you mentioned Ryan.
Did you know that I could
have him arrested
for drug possession
with the intent to traffic?
Oh, God! Our shrooms?
No, he got rid of all that crap today.
(LAUGHS) I know.
He also told me,
a federal police officer.
And showed me his whole operation,
and you just admitted
that you're in on it.
No, I didn't.
You know, I looked up your record.
Credit card fraud, DUI.
Get arrested a third time,
and it's jail time, for sure.
You are a career criminal.
It's not like it's my full-time job.
No, as of now, your full-time
job is informant.
The Finley-Cullens are involved
in a smuggling operation,
and you're gonna help me
bring them down.
Capisce?
I don't know what that means.
It's an Italian word for
it means you're going to work for me
or you're going to jail.
♪
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
- KEN: Hey!
I just got off the phone
with the Coast Guard.
They found uh,
Corky what's-his-ass
tied to his own mast.
Oh, God!
Seems they had trouble
finding his clothes.
(LAUGHING)
Means the girls are at it again.
(LAUGHS)
Maybe Lidia will stay.
Is that a bad thing?
She-she wants to make this
place better.
This place is a ticking time bomb.
Bea
(WAVES LAP GENTLY, BIRDS CHIRP)
(FOOTSTEPS THUD AWAY)
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN, SHUTS)
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
- Knock, knock.
Not interrupting anything?
Just deep thoughts.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
I hope you meant it
when you said you had
everything under control.
I got word from my guy last night,
shipment's coming in next weekend.
That's early.
Well, drug smugglers aren't
great at sticking to schedules.
Go figure!
Gonna be a problem?
No.
Good.
Beauty day. (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
Isn't it just?
(COVER OF "CHANGES" BY DAVID BOWIE)
♪
♪
Still don't know
what I was waiting for ♪
And my time was running wild ♪
Karma, man! The universe is my bitch!
Ha, ha!
Thank you! Thank you!
Every time I thought I got it made ♪
Hey, just ran into Uncle Ryan.
It's a nice thing that you did.
You don't know it was me
that gave him the cash.
Now I do.
I get why you're staying.
You'd miss me too much.
Didn't think you'd text so soon.
I felt like hurting someone.
- (BELT WHIPS)
- Yeah? Me too!
(GROWLS)
Rhian, It's me! I'm grabbin' my stuff.
- Ah! Oh yeah!
- Do it again.
- You're just a bad boy.
- (BELT WHIPS)
- Ahhh!
- Oh yeah! Harder?
- Yes!
- Okay.
- Do it!
- Is that too hard?
- No.
- Okay, do you want it harder?
- Yeah.
- (BELT WHIPS)
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
(BOTTLES RATTLE, CAP HISSES)
RHIAN: Yeah? Who's your step mommy?!
MAN'S VOICE: Have gratitude
for the pain.
I don't wanna be a richer man ♪
Ch-ch-ch-changes ♪
Turn and face the strange ♪
Ch-ch-ch-changes ♪
There's gonna have to be
a different man ♪
♪
(TARP CRINKLES)
(DOOR CLUNKS)
(DOOR SHUTS)
♪
(HAPPY EXHALE)
Time may change me ♪
But I can't trace time ♪
No ♪
(MUSIC STOPS)
NORA: Previously on "Moonshine."
You guys are getting
a divorce, aren't you?
I don't know.
Something on your mind, caller?
I need you to know that
I'm not playing games.
Do you love me?
- Can you keep a secret?
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
Magic Mushrooms!
She kept Felicia's journals.
My daughter. My problem.
- (GASPS)
- (FIRE CRACKLES)
It had to be done, Sammy.
♪
MAN'S VOICE: Take a moment
to acknowledge
the present moment.
♪
Now, focus on a moment from the past
that brings up negative
emotion for you.
- Breathe in.
- (DEEP INHALE)
Acknowledge your pain.
Thank it.
(SCREAMS)
Breathe out.
(EMOTIONAL BREATHS)
And let it go.
(SCREAMS, PANTS)
That's it. Breathe.
Oh shit!
Find gratitude for your journey.
♪
We are pain and we are love.
(CRYING)
They are us.
(SNIFFLING) Okay.
We are eternal.
Ha! (GASPS)
Yeah.
Breathe in.
Ah! (THUDS TO GROUND)
Ow!
Breathe out.
(SCREAMS, STOMPS GROUND)
♪
(CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS)
♪
I'm gonna need you to delete that.
Serenity is yours.
I'm gonna destroy you!
It's my life, it's my life ♪
It's my life, my life ♪
It's my life, it's my life ♪
It's my life, my life ♪
Stan's done everything he could.
Said the septic needs
replacing. Roots everywhere.
It's probably the maple tree.
You know, I've always hated
that thing. Blocks my view.
Yeah, well, he says we're
shittin' on borrowed time.
Oh, Stan always had a way with words.
- How did you pay him?
- Cabin 4.
Labour Day Weekend.
Patsy's been after him
for a romantic getaway.
He loved the trade.
You guys, we can't barter
with all our suppliers.
We can't afford to pay them, either.
That's what I call harshing my mellow.
And we're short-staffed
because Rhian's on strike
until Lidia leaves.
This fighting between the
girls has gone on long enough.
They need a good talking to.
And if I do it,
somebody's going to die.
I'm gonna go see if uh,
I can catch Stan before he leaves.
You think I can broker a peace deal?
If you're gonna volunteer,
I am not gonna stand in your way.
You have a plan to fix
our cash flow problem.
Yeah, maybe.
I can lay it out for you
over fish and chips.
- Shore Club in 30?
- Fish and chips?
Okay, but only because
I'm hormonal. I need grease.
I already told you,
I am not stepping foot
on The Moonshine until Lidia is gone.
Well, I just heard Lidia and Nora
planning some top-secret meeting.
I just thought you'd wanna know.
Top-secret meeting?
What, are they eight?
I know, right? It's probably nothing.
- NORA: I don't care, Sammy.
- Figured.
But I just thought you'd wanna witness
an epic smackdown
between Lidia and Rhian.
Shore Club in 30.
You're full o' shit. Worst liar ever.
Okay, but aren't you dying to find out
why I'm full of shit?
♪
Sammy?
(DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE)
Why are you two here?
Uh, I'm here because Sammy's
a terrible liar.
I came for grease.
(LOUD CLATTERING IN DISTANCE)
- Oh. Oh, no, no.
- What?!
(BROOM RATTLES ON DOOR)
- You will pay for this!
- Hey no!
Hey, it's an intervention,
okay? The Moonshine is broke,
the only way we're gonna
survive the summer is
if we work together,
which means you guys
need to stop fighting.
Orders from management.
- Uh, we are management.
- Senior management.
Sammy, it's me! You love me!
Let us out or I will piss
in your favourite mug.
Teamwork makes the dream work!
- Sammy!
- No way! You're going down!
(CAN HISSES OPEN) (POUNDING ON DOOR)
(SPRITZES, LID RATTLES)
♪
(DRAWER RASPS)
(TIMER TICKS RHYTHMICALLY)
♪
(SIGHS)
♪
♪
Ugh! (LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)
(CAP HISSES OPEN)
Oh, my God, what?
Do you have something
you wanna say to me?
The level of your betrayal
is Shakespearean.
Complete with missing body parts.
What do you want me to do?
Cut off my finger so we match?
Will that be enough flesh for you?
(KNIFE UNSHEATHES)
Below the knuckle, left hand,
ring finger.
Be forewarned, it will make
giving my husband a hand job,
quite challenging. No grip.
- (CLAPS LIGHTLY)
- Come on! Enough!
You two need to work
through this. Apologize.
I have nothing to apologize for.
Um, a stolen septic truck
and a six-foot graffiti
of my cooch beg to differ.
Admittedly, things got a little crazy,
but if I can look past
the trailer fire
I told you, it wasn't me.
I would've finished the job!
This is pointless!
We will never be a team, Sammy!
For once, I agree with you.
When have we ever worked together?
Lust Monkey.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
Summer of '96.
♪
I was bait, Rhian was on lookout,
Nora was on provisions.
NORA: I loved that band.
RHIAN: Yeah, you and your big
plan to get us in,
And yours, to get us hard
lemonade, not screech.
It is not my fault
that Lidia is a lightweight.
(LAUGHING)
Poor Bruce.
(VOMIT SPLATTERS)
Took me forever to make those IDs.
That was a waste
of quality lamination.
Oh, please, you screwed up
the easiest job of all.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
♪
Wah!
I didn't screw up.
I saved us from getting busted.
We met the band
because of my concussion.
I mean, totally worth the head wound.
(CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS)
(ROCK MUSIC)
♪
So, if we did it then,
we can work together now.
So, this morning on my jog,
I cleared the cobwebs
- and came up with a new plan.
- Shocking.
Private equity.
People love The Moonshine.
Shouldn't be hard to find
an investor, right?
Hm, who's got that
kinda money around here?
What about Duffy Corkum?
- Duffy "Skin Tag" Corkum?
- Yeah!
Do you remember
the erection that he got
when you saved him from drowning?
I'm pretty sure he faked it
so I'd have to give him
mouth-to-mouth.
Skin Tag is filthy rich now.
He sold his wellness brand,
"Emanate," for like, $80 mil.
The $100 yoga pants?
Way to go, Duffy!
They really hold you in.
I have three pair.
He has some crazy compound
outside of Lunenburg,
and I'm pretty sure
he is single Lidia.
Are you suggesting I whore myself out
to an obnoxious troll,
to raise cash for The Moonshine?
Now, that is a plan I can get behind.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- (EXHALES)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
♪
(CART RUMBLES, GRAVEL CRUNCHES)
My girl is a strange animal ♪
She never sleeps through the night ♪
She gets a kick
from keeping my mind full ♪
And making wrongs into rights ♪
She wants more, more, ooh ♪
How can I give it to
her more, more, more ♪
♪
How can I give it to her
more, more, more ♪
(EXHALES)
♪
Yeah! Not cheap!
Ooh! Hella refreshing.
(CHUCKLES)
♪
Hm?
(ROCK MUSIC STOPS)
Hello? Is someone there?
(DRAWER RASPS CLOSED)
(LIGHT RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)
- (BOTTLES CLANG)
- Fresh towels!
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
(SNIFFS)
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
(DRAWER RASPS)
♪
This is a full conspiracy.
Every time I Google
plane tickets to NYC,
they jack the prices.
Can you clear the cookies
from the browser, or whatever
it is that you do?
Can you respect the fact
that I'm ignoring you?
It's not my fault Michael
didn't tell me
where the shrooms came from,
and now you two are in some big fight.
That is not what it's about, Eleanor.
- Then what's it about?
- You cleaned Uncle Ryan out.
I didn't know they were
Uncle Ryan's shrooms
- 'til after I sold them.
- Yes, but now you know,
and you're still keeping the money!
Look, I have to get out of here
or I will figuratively die, Finn.
Uncle Ryan can grow more mushies,
but I can't recapture these
lost days of youth.
He'd understand.
Would he? Because I don't!
♪
(WATER BURBLES)
♪
♪
Don't look at me like that.
(DOOR CREAKS SHUT, KEYS JINGLE)
♪
Wake and bake, huh?
- You want?
- I'm good.
I could use your help.
I am swamped with Rhian on strike, so.
I feel you, Sammy,
but what's the point
in doing anything?
Life is like a beautiful sandcastle -
- one wave, and whoosh.
- Nice metaphor.
Uh, well, this place is falling apart,
hence the request for help.
(SCOFFS) (WATER BURBLES)
- Give me that!
- No! No! No!
Eleanor is a flight risk
and Lidia wants us
to keep an eye on her.
- Can you at least do that?
- Eleanor?!
She's a tornado.
She's an amazing, poetic tornado,
and you can't contain a tornado,
little brother.
Not contain, um, watch.
Observe. Like a tornado hunter.
Like "Twister" 1996,
Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton!
You're Paxton!
- I'm Paxton?
- Yeah.
- I'm the Pax?!
- Yeah!
(LAUGHS)
(CHOKES, COUGHS)
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
(SIREN WAILS)
(TIRES CRUNCH, STOPS)
I wasn't speed walking,
officer, I swear.
Still gonna need to see your
licence and registration.
I heard you're uh,
living at the station?
Get in. Let's talk.
Um, this is kind of awkward,
but who do I talk to about
getting a restraining order.
- Uh, is it you or?
- Look,
I have made some mistakes in my life,
but I am not screwing this up again.
(BIRDS CHIRP)
I love you.
And I think that you love me, too.
Are you laying down the law, officer?
It is my job.
Wait, you're not getting
all Hallmark-porn on me,
because you need a place
to crash, are you?
You know,
wall yourself off behind jokes,
the radio booth glass,
the hard-to-get mambo.
(SCOFFS) Nora, you're scared.
I get that. I am, too,
but please, what we have,
you know, have the balls
to commit, for once.
I have balls, actually.
- Big, hairy, dangly ones.
- Prove it!
I gotta go meet Lidia and Rhian.
Tomorrow night. Shore Club.
Uh
You and your balls,
you tell me how you feel.
Oh, God.
No promises. Okay?
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
- (SIREN CHIRPS)
- Be there!
Yeah, I got it.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Okay, so I told him we wanna
have a Moonshine reunion.
We hit him with some good
ol' Finley-Cullen sister charm,
walk him down memory lane,
and then pitch him.
Bam, day saved!
So, I can leave in like 20?
Uh, no. If I have to suffer
through this, so do you.
I still have no clue why he
came. We were total bullies.
It's not bullying if someone sucks.
We gave that little prick
the best summers of his life.
He owes us.
Well, well, well! What have we here?
Let me see. Let me see!
His acne cleared up.
♪
Aye, aye, Captain Abs!
♪
LIDIA: Permission to come aboard!
He's like Brad Pitt hot.
And not just like any Brad Pitt hot,
like "Legends of the Fall"
Brad Pitt hot.
Yeah, I'm not usually into chinos,
but he's making 'em work.
RHIAN: Not my type.
NORA: Because you don't have a vagina?
What's your type, Nora?
Oh, wait, it's my husband.
This is strictly a business
opportunity for The Moonshine.
No, for your vagina.
You could totally do that guy.
What?! Me?
No! Not gonna happen.
Lidia, when was the last time
you got laid?
Oh, lemme see, it was none
of your goddamn business.
(BIRDS CHIRP)
- What?
- Oh, nothing.
Please, if anyone here is
guilty of having a dead bedroom
- on their hands
- I'm not talking about Terry.
Are you getting some D?
If you must know,
I have taken a lover.
Oh!
I must know.
Who, and how, and do they
know you have a clipboard?
All that I can say is
my lover is very detail-oriented,
and my lover is very
Okay, you cannot say lover anymore.
Lidia, answer the question,
and not in dog years.
(SIGHS) Do blowjobs count?
Might've been
(BIRDS CHIRP)
three years.
A born-again virgin. God help us!
A lot of married people
don't have sex.
It's not that big of a deal.
Come on. It's perfect!
You can bang the hottest guy
I've seen in real life
and get money for The Moonshine.
It's like two birds with one bone!
Oh my God, having sex
with someone else?
I wouldn't even know where to start.
Duffy's just so
he's got that V thing
just above his
Inguinal ligament.
The Lidia I knew was fearless.
Took what she wanted.
Usually in Daisy Dukes
in the backseat of Cherry B.
I'm pretty sure that Lidia
died in the 90s.
Well, that's too bad,
because that Lidia
taught me how to give a blowjob
on a banana,
and then ate it. That Lidia was fun!
Yes.
Hey! Hi!
Hey! You!
Oh, welcome back!
It's so good to see you, Duffy!
- So, you like?
- I wanted a boat,
but I didn't wanna be one
of those yacht douches,
so I sourced the wood from my
sustainable forest project
- in Belize.
- (GAGS)
Built most of my myself, by hand.
It was uh, pretty life changing.
Oh man, do I sound like a douche.
- (GIGGLES)
- No, no. It's impressive.
And who doesn't like a man
who's good with his hands?
Wouldn't you agree, Lidia?
Ah, man, this place has a smell.
Pine needles and sunscreen.
Hard-core boning.
I was gonna say hot dogs, but
LIDIA: Duffy?
I just wanted to say um, upfront,
we're really sorry
about how we treated you,
back in the day.
- And how we called you
- Skin Tag?
(SIGHS) We were stupid kids.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not sorry. You were a dick.
People change, so I hear.
Oh, the way I remember it,
it was just innocent teasing.
Uh, Nora tied you to a flagpole
before the summer jamboree,
to humiliate you.
Humiliate me? I mean, come on.
It's not like you stripped me
naked first.
Speaking of naked,
Lidia's recently single.
(CHOKES)
Shame Nora can't provide
anymore segues
because she has to go do that
thing she has to do now.
Oh, yeah, that thing. That um,
also Rhian is going to help me
with, to do.
What? Why the hell would
I help you with anything?
Oh, right. Yeah, the thing.
Well, later, Skin T
I mean, Duffy.
Well, I hope you don't
have something to do today.
I was hoping to take
a walk on the beach,
get my fill of that view again.
I mean, if you're available.
Yeah, uh, what about dinner?
I love that.
I love that, a lot.
- Hmm, seven?
- Ten.
So, enjoying some quality
time with all your girls home?
Fifteen, for two.
Well, you know
how it is with daughters.
Being "Mother of the Year"
yourself. (CHUCKLES)
Twenty.
Crystal was only ever good
for two things -
lovin' the wrong man, and rehab.
Didn't get either one from me.
How's she doing these days?
Other than loving
the wrong man, my son.
Go.
I don't involve her in my business
and I sure as hell don't wanna
know hers.
Well, that we can agree on.
The less my girls know about
our little deal, the better.
Thirty-one, for two.
But I told Sammy.
Sammy?
My health thing.
Just in case.
He can take over.
Look, I came out of
retirement for Felicia,
but this is starting
to feel like a risk.
We will get the shipment
delivered to the buyers.
You will get your loan back,
with interest.
I'll pay the summer staff.
Fix the septic.
What the hell,
maybe have enough left over
for a new pair of clogs.
All under control.
(CRIBBAGE BOARD RATTLES)
Skunked ya. (CARDS FLOP)
I'd cool it on the day-drinking.
MOIRA: Shipping container of off-brand
Chinese pharmaceuticals went missing
from the port last night.
Probably a few hundred grand worth.
You doing that stupid
lamebrain victory dance?
Uh, no. But just to reiterate,
you're saying I'm right.
Probably. Anyway,
go to work, or whatever.
Have you gotten anywhere
with crazy pants?
I, I don't think Rhian
actually knows anything.
We've been spending
a lot of time together
and I don't think she's lying to me.
God, are you falling for her?
What?! Pffft! No!
This keto thing is killing me!
I wanna go down on a baguette,
so hard right now.
Do whatever it takes,
all right? And Colin
- Yeah?
- nice work.
We might get outta this
hell-hole department yet.
(BEEPS CALL OFF)
(CRICKETS CHIRP, FROGS CROAK)
- Hot dogs?
- Organic.
Brioche buns, Artisanal ketchup,
free-range mustard.
Bougie white trash
at its finest, my friend.
Is this vacation for you, or?
Well, kind of a midlife reset.
Moonshine's the perfect
place for that.
Being where all
the dysfunction started,
with the people who caused it,
what could go wrong?
Yeah, I limit family visits
to under 24 hours.
But like some Darwinian nightmare,
they just find a way
to trigger me faster.
(LAUGHS)
Moonshine was the best part
of my childhood.
I even remember that dress.
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
Well, I had to dig it out
of my childhood closet.
All my clothes smelled
like smoke, long story.
You know, it's nice for once,
to not be drinking alone on my
boat watching "Shark Tank".
You, alone?
I worked so hard
to try to become someone
other than "Skin Tag" Corkum.
I sacrificed my personal life.
Ah, maybe it's just my excuse to avoid
putting myself out there
and getting rejected.
I'm sorry. You do not wanna hear me
unloading my mommy issues.
You want to pitch me on
investing in The Moonshine.
Um, I'm, I hope you don't think
It's okay. Investing in companies,
making them profitable,
it's kind of a hobby for me.
I mean, I'd be insulted if you didn't!
Let's go!
Okay. Here's the pitch.
The Moonshine,
as a world-class resort.
But not one scrubbed of its character.
Five-star luxury meets rustic charm.
The timeless elements
of our childhood summers
protected by a sustainable design.
I love that.
My design would incorporate
the natural beauty
rather than compete with it.
I mean, this is the pitch.
Salt in the air, the smell
of pine, the sunset.
I don't have to sell you on it;
you lived it.
I want everyone who visits this place
to experience it the way we have.
I'm sorry. This is my first
time pitching alone.
Um, usually my hus
My ex, Daniel, took the lead.
Well, that's a shame.
You're a natural.
I mean, you feel that, right?
♪
Yes.
♪
Oh, God.
Uh, whew!
- You okay?
- No, uh
I'm sorry, the truth is,
The Moonshine,
we're practically bankrupt,
it's a disaster, I don't know
what I'm doing.
(GASPS SHAKILY)
I'm not ready. You know?
S-e-x with you. It's not you.
I can't even have sex
with myself lately,
it's like, dead zone.
Okay.
Uh, you enjoy the view,
finish your wine.
I just gotta go.
(DEEP EXHALE) Ooooh!
♪
No hard-core boning, then, huh?
I had a panic attack, then I ran away.
But not before telling him
we were bankrupt
and that The Moonshine
is a terrible investment.
- Compelling pitch.
- What is wrong with me?
I feel like now is not
the time to pile on.
Oh! I don't know who I am,
or what I want,
or even what I'm doing here.
The only time I'm in touch
with my feelings
is when I'm having a panic
attack. And now, yeah,
I just wasted 20 years
of my life with a man
who I'm just now realizing,
didn't ever really see me.
Is that a thing?
That is the thing.
The only thing, and I've never had it.
So, if you have it with someone,
you should probably like,
hang on to them?
Oh, my God. Nora,
Terry loves you, you love him.
Get on with it. You're in love.
Shut up! Maybe. I don't know.
We're supposed to talk tonight.
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
Rhian is smiling,
which can me one thing.
Suicide bomb. (DOOR OPENS)
Your sluttiness finally paid off.
Duffy just came by with a contract.
- For what?
- He's in.
He is investing!
Looks pretty iron clad.
(LAUGHS HAPPILY) You closed, bitch!
Yeah.
This calls for an old school
Lust Monkey headbanger.
- Holy shit!
- Yes?
Uh, covers our debts,
plus there's enough leftover
to fix the septic
and get new uniforms!
- Ahhh, my God!
- Yeah!
(ROCK MUSIC STARTS)
♪
Woooo!
♪
Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock!
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
Uh, why are you creeping on me?
(SIGHS)
Sammy asked me to keep an eye on you.
You're the tornado;
I'm the tornado chaser.
- Uh, okay.
- (FINDERS SNAP)
Can you believe my Mom
hid my passport?
It's like I'm some indentured servant.
(BIRDS CHIRP)
I hear that.
Sometimes feels like everything
I do around here
is for somebody else.
Crystal's always on my ass,
Rhian bosses me around,
and Dad
I know what it's like
to not be your own boss.
And I know what it feels like
when no one believes in you.
Everybody believes in me.
I crush life.
But I I feel you on the boss stuff.
Thanks for understanding.
Hey, kid, if I had the courage
to stand up for myself
when I was your age.
Things might be different.
I might not be karma's bitch.
- That's not true.
- No, it is!
I was amazing at hacky sack.
Who knows where that coulda led?
(LIGHTER SNICKS)
(PAPER HISSES)
Maybe I can help you out.
- Help me escape? Seriously?
- No, no, no, I can't do that,
but I might know where your Mom
stashed your passport.
Shut up. For real?
You just wait. I got your back, kid.
(CHUCKLES)
(GRASS CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT)
(BAND PLAYS "LET GO THE LINE"
BY MAX WEBSTER)
Fluorescent lips on a painted face ♪
I think I know what you're feeling ♪
♪
This tightrope just
begins to feel like home ♪
When the wind comes
rising from a desert storm ♪
Hey, lookin' for a drink, big shot?
I'm guessing the house wine's boxed?
- That's the best-case scenario.
- I'll take a beer.
One of the perks of being
related to the owners.
And uh, hey, thanks
for what you're doing.
Ah, it's one of the perks
of being stupid rich.
Helping out old friends.
- Old friends.
- Moonshine forever.
♪
Listen, I'm sorry it
didn't work out with Lids.
I know you always had a thing for her.
She really needs to get laid,
like, really.
- Yeah, don't we all.
- Please.
You have lady problems?
- And the bubble bursts.
- That's right!
It's only the ugly rich guys
that get hot chicks.
What about you?
You got someone special?
There is someone who I don't hate.
Who I sometimes have sex with.
Well, I'm glad one of us
is getting some.
You feel like making a mistake?
(CIGARETTES CLUNK ON TABLE)
Duffy Corkum,
I am shocked and appalled.
Can I bum one?
After you hook us up
with some tequila shots.
Yes. Yes! Tequila. Tequila!
We need tequila, immediately!
♪
But all I know
is that tonight I might ♪
Let go the line
Let go the line
(NORA LAUGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(NORA LAUGHS)
♪
Shhh-shhh!
DUFFY: I don't know what I was doing
- wasting my time with Lidia.
- Uh uh.
- You were always the fun one.
- (LAUGHS)
That's me. Nora the party.
Hey, um, why don't we go
back to my boat?
I got a bottle of Chateau Lachrisse
worth more than your car.
No, that's sweet, but um,
I'm actually meeting someone,
so I should probably go.
I did a big favour for your family.
Um
It's time to do a favour for me.
- No. Okay? I gotta go.
- Please, look,
I'm the only person you
haven't slept with in Foxton.
What's one more drunk Saturday night?
No. No. Stop.
This is not Don't. Duff!
Stop it! Stop! Goddammit!
- (THUDDING BLOW)
- Ugh!
(ROCK MUSIC)
♪
You know it feels right
But it won't be long
♪
(SOBBING)
Nora, you okay?
Uh, I'm yeah. Have you seen Terry?
No, not tonight. Nora?
You okay?
Sweetie, what happened?
Nora?
I would be, if this stall
had any toilet paper.
(SOBBING)
(BROOM SCRATCHES, ITEMS CLATTER)
Honestly, it's just I'm fine.
It is not a big deal.
This is the definition of a big deal.
Yeah, it's assault!
We were wasted. I was flirting.
You should be able to flirt,
and drink,
and wear that hideous slutty
top, without consequence.
Where'd he go? I'm gonna destroy him.
Oh, Sammy, that's so cute.
What're you gonna do?
Beat him at a spelling bee?
- I can be badass.
- Quit the caveman shit.
We need his money.
- Screw his money.
- Before we say screw his money,
can we at least do a
cost-benefit analysis, here?
No.
No one messes with a Finley-Cullen
and gets away with it.
And I have a plan.
Duff? Hey!
♪
I've been looking for you.
I wanted to talk about last night.
(SIGHS) I need to apologize.
I know I'm traditionally the lookout,
but can I hurt him, please?
I don't know what I was thinking.
No worries, I mean,
I'm all about second chances.
- (STUN GUN CLICKS)
- (GASPS, GRUNTS)
- (THUDS)
- Oh.
Okay, so, let's say we get him back
to his boat in one piece. Then what?
(ROPE CREAKS, SEAGULLS CRY)
Ah, well, this worked out
better than I thought it would!
We are stone-cold bully bitches,
- and I am good with that!
- (LIDIA CHUCKLES)
This one's worth more than my car.
Why am I naked?
- Is that my wine?
- Mm-hmm!
- Guys, come on, untie me.
- Uh-uh.
Help! Uh, help!
Chill, chill.
We'll call the Coast Guard.
After everyone gets a sneak
peek of your little skin tag.
Ooh! It's like he was
at the back of the line
when he was handing out penises.
Bargain bin. Big time! I mean, small!
That is small!
Okay, you know what?
The only reason I even came back here
when you called was to get laid.
And you all turned out
to be a bunch of psychos.
- Hmm? Hmm, hmm, hmm!
- (NORA LAUGHS)
You know, I started from nothing
and I worked my way to the top
of the cut-throat world
- of yoga apparel.
- (SPUTTER AND LAUGH)
Oh, you think you scare me?
Laugh it up!
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, Duffy!
Well, you know what?
I am gonna sue the shit out of you.
- Oh, I'm gonna raze this place.
- Yeah.
- I'll sell it for parts.
- Here's the thing, Duff,
the reason why you had no
friends as a kid
wasn't because you were shy,
awkward, rotund,
it was because you were
a little asshole.
Now, you're just a big asshole
who thinks he can take
whatever he wants.
But you can't.
♪
(SIGHS) Happy sails, Skin Tag!
Bye. Ooh.
(EXHALES)
Your boat sucks.
(BUTTON CLICKS, ENGINE STARTS)
Guys! Guys, come on!
(WOOD CREAKS)
Help! Help! Somebody!
(SHOUTING) Anybody!
- For the record, I was fine.
- Help me!!!
And you're welcome.
It was a dick move
to sleep with your husband.
Sorry.
Well, I should maybe
thank you because
- (HAPPY EXHALE)
- Finish the sentence.
Because while you banged Terry,
I may have found the love of my life.
Oh! Mr. Detail-oriented.
His name is Oscar.
The nerdy lawyer guy?
Okay, you are the last person
I will be taking
relationship advice from,
thank you very much.
- And you are the second-last.
- Fair enough.
(WAVES LAP)
- What is going on with Terry?
- No idea.
We were supposed to meet up
last night.
He never showed, hasn't
texted me back, so, yeah.
Well, that's not like him.
I mean, I guess it is.
Because here I am.
Here we are.
In a weird way, this might
be better than Lust Monkey.
That was the last time
we hung out before
Everything went to shit?
Yeah, we know, we were there.
Lidia wasn't. She was in New York.
You know I couldn't be around
Mom after what happened.
I, I'm trying to make up for that.
Sorry about Terry.
No, this conversation
is not happening.
Over it. Move on.
Your lips keep moving,
but all I'm hearing is more wine.
I'll have some more wine!
I think we might have some more!
- I will have more!
- Thanks, Skin Tag!
(LAUGHING AND CHEERING)
- Woooo!
- Happy sailing, Skin Tag!
(LAUGHING AND CHEERING)
♪
(MUSIC ENDS)
(LIGHT FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
(DOOR OPENS)
What are you doing?
Could ask you the same question.
- Are those my chips?
- Yep!
Can you take your flip-flops
off of that?
That is a pashmina throw.
No problemo,
Colin!
Hidden in your boxer shorts,
which is weird.
I had you pegged as a
tighty-whitey kind of guy.
You know, I could have you arrested
- for breaking and entering.
- I was cleaning.
I'll be honest, I didn't
make it to your toilet.
Listen, (CLEARS THROAT)
Crystal,
I'm investigating something pretty big
and I'm in pretty deep,
so I was hoping you could
do me a huge, huge solid
and keep my identity under your
your bikini top.
- Sure!
- Really?
Oh, that's so great of you
But I am gonna need more than
ketchup chips to keep quiet.
Okay, what're we talkin'?
Two packs of du Mauriers.
And a two-four of Fiesta
Cherry Diet Coke.
And a letter of referral
for an apartment.
I am gonna need 24 hours.
And something else.
- I have a boyfriend.
- Not that!
Oh.
♪
You know, it's funny
you mentioned Ryan.
Did you know that I could
have him arrested
for drug possession
with the intent to traffic?
Oh, God! Our shrooms?
No, he got rid of all that crap today.
(LAUGHS) I know.
He also told me,
a federal police officer.
And showed me his whole operation,
and you just admitted
that you're in on it.
No, I didn't.
You know, I looked up your record.
Credit card fraud, DUI.
Get arrested a third time,
and it's jail time, for sure.
You are a career criminal.
It's not like it's my full-time job.
No, as of now, your full-time
job is informant.
The Finley-Cullens are involved
in a smuggling operation,
and you're gonna help me
bring them down.
Capisce?
I don't know what that means.
It's an Italian word for
it means you're going to work for me
or you're going to jail.
♪
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
- KEN: Hey!
I just got off the phone
with the Coast Guard.
They found uh,
Corky what's-his-ass
tied to his own mast.
Oh, God!
Seems they had trouble
finding his clothes.
(LAUGHING)
Means the girls are at it again.
(LAUGHS)
Maybe Lidia will stay.
Is that a bad thing?
She-she wants to make this
place better.
This place is a ticking time bomb.
Bea
(WAVES LAP GENTLY, BIRDS CHIRP)
(FOOTSTEPS THUD AWAY)
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN, SHUTS)
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
- Knock, knock.
Not interrupting anything?
Just deep thoughts.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
I hope you meant it
when you said you had
everything under control.
I got word from my guy last night,
shipment's coming in next weekend.
That's early.
Well, drug smugglers aren't
great at sticking to schedules.
Go figure!
Gonna be a problem?
No.
Good.
Beauty day. (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
Isn't it just?
(COVER OF "CHANGES" BY DAVID BOWIE)
♪
♪
Still don't know
what I was waiting for ♪
And my time was running wild ♪
Karma, man! The universe is my bitch!
Ha, ha!
Thank you! Thank you!
Every time I thought I got it made ♪
Hey, just ran into Uncle Ryan.
It's a nice thing that you did.
You don't know it was me
that gave him the cash.
Now I do.
I get why you're staying.
You'd miss me too much.
Didn't think you'd text so soon.
I felt like hurting someone.
- (BELT WHIPS)
- Yeah? Me too!
(GROWLS)
Rhian, It's me! I'm grabbin' my stuff.
- Ah! Oh yeah!
- Do it again.
- You're just a bad boy.
- (BELT WHIPS)
- Ahhh!
- Oh yeah! Harder?
- Yes!
- Okay.
- Do it!
- Is that too hard?
- No.
- Okay, do you want it harder?
- Yeah.
- (BELT WHIPS)
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
(BOTTLES RATTLE, CAP HISSES)
RHIAN: Yeah? Who's your step mommy?!
MAN'S VOICE: Have gratitude
for the pain.
I don't wanna be a richer man ♪
Ch-ch-ch-changes ♪
Turn and face the strange ♪
Ch-ch-ch-changes ♪
There's gonna have to be
a different man ♪
♪
(TARP CRINKLES)
(DOOR CLUNKS)
(DOOR SHUTS)
♪
(HAPPY EXHALE)
Time may change me ♪
But I can't trace time ♪
No ♪
(MUSIC STOPS)