Moonshine (2021) s03e03 Episode Script
Sunk the Junk
1
RHIAN: Previously on Moonshine
- Oh my God!
- I'm glad to run into you.
I still think your design sucks.
WES: You're the perfect person
to un-suckify it.
What?
- Don't take that job.
- Duh! Of course I won't.
It would be a game-changer.
NORA: Anything for a fan!
- I'm not a fan.
- [CAMERA CLICKS]
- You can text it to Terry.
- [TEXT NOTIFICATION]
NANCY: And tell him Nancy says hi.
♪
RYAN: Ani?
Hey, Ryan.
LIDIA: Ever hear of
the game sunk the junk?
'Course not, because the game
was a Finley-Cullen original.
High off rocket pops,
we'd break into the yard
of the only rich assholes in Foxton
- and toss crap in their pool.
- [LAUGHTER]
LIDIA: Equal parts junk
removal and science experiment.
What made the biggest splash?
What was the heaviest thing
we could hurl?
Most importantly, how long
could we go till we got caught?
[SNORING]
LIDIA: Cannonballing into chaos.
Totally cool getting trapped
in a cesspool of our own making?
Yeah, no thanks.
I could make the mess
but I couldn't embrace it.
So instead of ripping off
the band-aid and diving in,
I'd suffer,
waiting for the inevitable.
[LAUGHTER AND SHOUTING]
♪
LIDIA: Oh, I hated that game
♪
["BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"
BY APRIL WINE PLAYING]
This is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, this is my life ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
LIDIA: As such, I stand by my decision
to design the new resort.
Do you stand by my decision?
Is this you standing by?
I stand by the fact that
you have a death wish.
You just promised Rhian
that you would not
aid in the obliteration
of the Moonshine,
and now all of a sudden
you are the lead architect
of that bougie doomsday resort? Uh-uh!
See, that kind of
inflammatory rhetoric
is exactly why I'm
calling this family meeting!
It's not gonna be bougie, okay?
I'm actually going for coastal chic.
- Ugh!
- [TIMER BUZZES]
Ooh, my world-famous
blueberry muffins!
The perfect carb choice to lull
our family into submission
so they can understand
that this opportunity
is an opportunity for all of us.
There mind-altering drugs in these?
There should be.
- It's incredible.
- Good?
- I tried almond flour.
- No!
Your self-delusion!
You actually believe that you can spin
the Moonshine's imminent death
into a good thing?
It's not gonna happen.
The Moonshine is not gonna die!
I'm gonna prevent that
by working this build from the inside.
Oh, that is so your M.O.
You think that if you
avoid the carnage,
the carnage does not exist.
So dry. These need butter.
That is not my M.O.!
You avoided telling your husband
you wanted out for 20 years.
Okay, that is a little my M.O.
Nora, come on, I need your help here.
Ehh
I need you to get everyone
on board, Rhian especially.
If she's cool, the rest of the family
will be too afraid to not be cool.
Consider it your penance
for making a podcast
about my dumpster fire of a life.
It's not my fault that
you are an endless well
of depraved dumpster fire gold.
I just thought of a podcast title:
"Sororicide By Design:
"How one woman's effed-up quest
to get her life back on track
"destroys the family business
and then gets her murdered
"by her psychotic step-sister."
Too wordy?
Ow!
- Hey, Ani!
- Hey!
ANI: Come here!
I am so happy to see you!
RHIAN: You know when I'll be happy?
When you make some
hot shit viking discovery.
- Get in!
- I'm just gonna unpack.
Oh, you want me to start now?
I need answers by 3 pm.
If pushed,
I'd be amenable to end of day.
- [SCOFFS]
- SAMMY: Okay, well
I mean, I ran a rough field survey
by where dad found the dagger,
and I found some shard samples,
some ground depressions.
It's not viking-guaranteed,
but it's a pretty good start.
Sammy, you field-walked!
- Yeah!
- Radiating or traversing?
How long is the dig going to take?
Um, well, once we set up
our grid, it will be, like,
a month, tops.
A month?!
This asshat developer's
breaking ground in two weeks.
We are talking heavy
machinery, noise, dirt!
We're gonna lose all our campers!
Well, if we move fast,
it could be less,
but I can't make any guarantees.
[RADIO BEEPS]
OSCAR: [WALKIE-TALKIE] Hey, honeybuns,
we have a code blue in cabin 4.
I repeat, code blue in cabin 4!
Two weeks. Get it together, people!
♪
SAMMY: Welcome back?
RYAN: And with, uh, a few swift moves,
you too could be
a stove-cleaning expert.
[EXHALES] Ah, one sec.
Listen, do you, uh, scrub up and down
or, like, little circles?
Don't imitate me, Ry!
Um, improvise. You know?
Like, find a cleaning style that
only Ryan Finley-Cullen can do.
But but don't over-think it, babe.
You do you!
Put your shirt on!
This is a food prep area! Unsanitary!
What's your problem?
CRYSTAL: Oh, that campaign stress.
She's running for president
of the Foxton Cove
Business Association.
- RYAN: Ooh!
- It's in the bag.
I bribed or intimidated
every member for their vote.
Our problem is that Ani
is the slowest archaeologist
in history,
Sammy just proved how useless
his fancy university education
is, and Oscar's being
I don't know. Not Oscar.
Listen, Rhi, I care.
I really do.
But I can't figure out who Oscar is
until I figure out who Ryan is
when he's cleaning.
Yeah!
Also, I don't know if I would
stress so much, you know?
Like, the developer
can't build the hotel
until they finalize the land deal.
The land deal isn't finalized?
Oh, no! [GIGGLES] It's funny.
Okay, so the notary messed up
and wrote "Lablanc,"
L-a-b, instead of "Leblanc," L-e-b!
And so they had to restart all
of the contract from scratch!
It is taking forever.
My mom is super cranky.
No land deal, no resort
I can work with this!
♪
[BABIES CRYING]
I can work with this.
- [PHONE BUZZES]
- [GASPS]
Ry! 30 likes!
- Oh!
- Your video is blowing up!
Oh my God, it's like someone
came into his cleaning voice!
♪
LIDIA: Ah, life.
What is it, but an endless
parade of new experiences
knocking at your door?
Every day, a chance to grow,
to support the people closest to you
as they explore new
career-changing opportunities.
KEN: [COUGHING]
Can I have one of those?
Yes.
RYAN: Maybe a time machine
and we can go back
and buy doughnuts instead?
NORA: It's unanimous
the muffins suck.
What were you saying, Lidia?
It was a word salad, message unclear.
Hmm.
Wesworld is owned
by the Lonergan family.
Notoriously cutthroat.
Okay, but Wes isn't like that.
He wants to help the community.
How do you know that?
Just a vibe that I get?
Could be wrong.
All this to say I have
a way that we can strategically
control the sitch.
Change is constant, but how
do we promote positive change?
Destroying our enemies?
Jill's land deal isn't closed.
What?! How?
Some asshat lawyer can't spell,
which means window
of opportunity, bitches!
Gives us more time to dig, make
the Moonshine a historical site,
and shut Wesworld down for good.
NORA: I think Lidia
was on the precipice
of pitching a solution of her own.
You were saying, Lidia?
Just so
Happy
Ani is here!
- Aww!
- Yay!
ANI: And it's great to be back,
though I could use extra hands.
KEN: Diggin' up dirt is my speciality.
RHIAN: Great! Team dig is a go.
Rest of us are team obliterate Jill.
RYAN: No can do, sis.
Crystal Clean's got me
scrubbing gold toilets
in fancy-pants Chester today.
Uh-huh?
But you've got my back
on this, right, sis?
Mmm!
Ugh!
Death to Wesworld!
Writes itself! [CACKLES]
Sorry! [CACKLES LOUDER]
LIDIA: Uh, I've been very supportive
of your secret fling with Wes.
Where the hell was
my assist back there?
I tried, but I'm Switzerland!
I'm always Switzerland.
Switzerland isn't neutral
if Switzerland is sneaking over
to Germany's party van every
night for a screw and a latte.
You're right!
I let a suit in hipster's clothing
suck me in with his dimples.
- Wes has dimples?
- Not on his face
Oh my God.
I'm sorry, that was gross. I just
I don't know.
I think my Finley-Cullenness
is starting to surface:
The lying, the self-loathing,
the drinking before noon.
The banging guys that have
the power to destroy our family?
Was banging. Wes is ghosting me.
Oh.
Want me to talk to him for you?
A little creative spin
goes a long way.
Please, no. I'm done spinning.
And you should be too.
Just rip off the band-aid.
Tell Rhian that you're banging
the enemy, too professionally.
Not banging, containing!
And she'll thank me when
this is over and there's not
an infinity pool where
our broken-down trailer park
should be.
Lids, not everyone's
gonna like you all the time.
And, well, maybe that's okay.
It's the advice I'm giving myself
[CHUCKLES]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
OSCAR: Hey!
Lose the smile, bucko!
TERRY: Right.
DRUNK WOMAN: [BACKGROUND]
When do I get my phone call?
TERRY: You okay, bud?
OSCAR: Yeah no maybe.
I don't know.
I just really thought the
slip 'n slide vulva may have
Wow, oof!
Yeah, it's a long, slippery story,
which I thought was gonna
make me feel more like me.
Instead I felt trapped
in a dark, flesh-coloured,
pillowy tunnel.
Hey, man. One baby is a big
enough adjustment, but twins?
It's not just the twins, it's Rhian.
I I thought she would need me more.
I was supposed to be her
nurturer, her mighty pillar.
Instead I feel more
like a rotting porch.
You can relate, right?
You were married to her.
I never understood Rhian.
You're the only guy who's
ever been able to bring out her,
would you call it, human side?
I just want to be
more like you and Nora:
A delicious, foot-long
relationship sub
with a little bit of
Terry and Nora in every bite.
The grass ain't always greener, bro.
Ah.
NORA: So you played "hide
the kielbasa" while I was gone.
Big deal. I'm over it.
That's not what happened.
I didn't cheat on you.
You don't have to lie to me,
Terr, okay?
I was gone for ten months.
What guy can keep it
in his pants for that long?
Pass, I'll give you a pass.
Done. Conversation over.
It's not over, okay?
I need to make things clear.
Nancy invited me over after church.
- You went to church?
- Yes.
I've been going back to church.
[LAUGHS] What, did you
bump uglies in the pew?
- Terry!
- Nora, please, come on!
Look, I think you should know
that, yes, we got close,
and not in that way,
but close.
She's got this sweet,
little boy, Aiden.
He's four, and
We would have movie nights,
and one time we had a picnic.
A picnic?
Yeah, so I am sorry
that you had
this awkward run-in with her.
Clearly she's gotten
her signals crossed,
which is completely my fault.
But in a weird way,
I don't even think it was about
Nancy or Aiden,
I think I just saw
what our life could be,
and I can't help but want that.
With you.
[SIGHS]
I wish you'd just boned her!
[CLEARS THROAT] Uh, whatcha doin'?
Brainstorming.
Uh [CLEARS THROAT]
Can we talk for a second
about the new resort?
Yes! Let's spitball.
I'm thinking blackmail,
unless you learned any torture
tactics from the Marauders.
Sadly, no. Um
I just need to backtrack for a minute.
Um, so last summer Wasn't my best.
Got, uh, distracted by a man.
Very, very hot, beautiful biker man.
Admittedly, went a little nuts, right?
But, Rhian, back in
New York, I-I never
reached for the things
I really wanted, you know?
I-I got lost in my marriage
and compromised my needs, my career
That sucks, but I need ideas.
No more bullshit.
What? What's wrong?
That's what we need.
Your bullshit!
That thing you do
where you talk for hours
without saying anything,
and people get so bored
they want to kill themselves,
so eventually they just agree
to whatever it is you want
just to get you to shut up?
- Uh, that's not a thing
- Yes, yes, it is.
And we need to lean into that.
We're going to co-host
a tea party for Jill.
♪
Look at us, sisters,
bound by killer weeds,
a failing campground,
and dry-ass muffins.
Bring some. 2 pm, lodge.
Sharp!
- NORA: You chicken shit.
- LIDIA: I know!
What's wrong with me?
I'm a grown woman acting
like a ten-year-old
worried her little sister's
gonna slaughter
her pet turtle for soup.
It was really good soup.
No. Not while I'm venting.
I'm not recording you.
I am cyber-stalking Nancy.
- Who's Nancy?
- The aggro chick from the spa.
Terry had an emotional affair
with her and her stupid kid.
- God, that's bad!
- Yeah.
Why couldn't he just
mow someone else's lawn
like a normal scumbag?
Ugh.
Someone else's lawn!
Yes!
All I have to do
is make sure Jill sells Wes
a different piece of land!
The Leblancs own property
all over the south shore.
"Own" is generous, but yeah,
they shook down the Harnishes
for some gambling debt
in the '90s Lidia, don't!
You think you're so cute
ANI: So, how's it been
going with your dad?
I mean your brother.
I mean Ryan.
Um, honestly, I haven't seen
him much since I've been back.
He's been really busy
with Crystal Clean.
It's really taking off.
Good for Ryan.
There's nothing more
important than having a job
you're passionate about. Like me.
Nothing makes me more
excited than 800 tiny flags
and a bunch of twine
to keep me busy all summer.
Who needs a personal life?
[CRASHING AND THUDDING]
[ENGINE REVVING AND TREADS RATTLING]
KEN: Woo-hoo! Goddammit, you're mine!
Ha-ha!
Here comes Christine!
Look out!
No! Stop!
Hey!
Stop it!
What are you
Ken!
- Ken!
- [ENGINE TURNS OFF]
What are you doing?
Excavatin', baby!
This is an archaeological dig,
not a monster truck rally!
Monster truck?
This little honey has
got advanced hydraulics
and a bong-holder.
It doesn't get better than Christine.
Okay, but Christine
can't break up this site
into two-metre grid squares,
equidistant.
Trust me on this, Ken. It's my field.
Last time I checked, it was my field.
SAMMY: [SIGHS]
Dad, please, don't be stubborn.
Can you at least try it our way?
"Our way"?
What about our way?
I'm gonna need a bigger bong.
♪
Uh, you've reached Crystal Clean!
How can we provide a sparkle
to your home and/or work space today?
You want the Ryan deep clean special?
- Oh, hold on one sec.
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- Oh, sorry, please hold!
- [PHONE BEEPS]
Sorry, one second.
Oh my God. Hi!
You've reached Crystal Clean!
Uh, Ryan is actually
not available, but I am
Hello?
CRYSTAL: Hey, babe.
Um, I was just wondering
if I should come and pick you up
because you've been gone
for like five hours! [LAUGHS]
Also, the board is full
and I feel like we should celebrate!
[DOG BARKING]
JILL: Workin' hard?
Today's not our cribbage day, is it?
No, I'm not here for cards.
Seems your girls are having
some kind of abandonment issues
since your wife's been gone.
They invited me over for tea.
Bea'll be home soon.
Say it enough times and
Click your heels
Might actually come true.
Jill?
You've known me for a dog's age.
Am I stubborn?
Difficult?
Depends.
You ready to cash in,
stop working so hard?
Not a chance.
Hmph!
Stubborn as ever.
Kinda cute.
And Bea's a brave woman leaving
a man like you here on your own.
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
[KNOCK]
Voilà, your number two has come up
with a number one plan
to stop Jill from building
the resort next door.
It's foolproof. Total win-win.
Good!
But just in case your plan to
stop Jill from selling Wesworld
that land sucks, I've come up with
Foolproof plan B.
Tea?
Brewed by yours truly with leaves
picked from this very campground.
Oh, organic. Nice touch.
Yup!
It's Belladonna season,
and Belladonna Morte
is especially poisonous.
If plan a fails, we stir in
a little honey, and whammo,
works within seconds,
and that Moonshine-hating bitch
won't know what hit her
but we will!
Poison?
Pissed you didn't think of it first?
Rhian? Uh, you can't kill her.
I'm not gonna kill her!
The neurotoxin in the poison's
gonna do all the heavy lifting.
Mint leaves, Belladonna leaves,
honest mistake!
- Rhian!
- Oh, relax!
It's not usually fatal.
It'll paralyse her for a few days.
Comma if we're lucky.
But if Jill does die,
Crystal, her only heir,
inherits the land,
which means we'll be home-free.
At the very least, it's more
time for Ani to discover
viking loot, which means
we'll have protected land,
which means my foot
way up that resort's ass!
Voilà, the poisoned chalice!
Rhian
I'm so happy that
you and I are dealing
with this crisis as a team.
However, I'd like to remind you
that my idea won't
earn you a life sentence.
Oh.
Uh, I won't be taking the fall.
If we get caught, who'd get the blame?
Hardworking mother of two
or the felon with the ankle monitor?
Good luck with plan A!
♪
SAMMY: Hey.
KEN: [SIGHS]
I'm sorry, I've been in a mood.
Been a tough day without your mom.
Love is a bitch-slap
To the nuts.
Don't I know it.
I met someone and,
uh, I already screwed it up.
ANI: Well
When you care about
someone and you have history,
no matter how long it's been, um
You should be honest
with them about how you feel.
Right?
Well, I've known him for a week
and I don't know how I feel.
KEN: Sammy, love is like an excavator.
I say go big or go home.
Make a grand gesture.
It's like the heavy
machinery of feelings.
Ha-ha!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING IN HOUSE]
- [WOMEN CHEERING]
- [LAUGHTER]
- Ry?
- WOMAN: Show me more!
[MUSIC BLASTING]
♪
RYAN: Yeah!
WOMAN: Nice wood!
♪
WOMAN: Bring it here, Sonny!
RYAN: Hey!
Let's go!
Dusty! ♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]
[WOMEN CHEERING]
- Come on, Marge!
- Woo!
[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]
♪
WOMAN: Woo! Shake it!
[SHOUTING AND CHEERING]
RYAN: Tell your friends!
WOMAN: Make it rain!
RYAN: Yeah!
WOMEN: Take it off, take it off!
- This?
- Take it off!
Take it off! Take it off!
[SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
WOMAN: Yummy!
RYAN: Woo!
♪
WOMAN: Come to mama!
Muffin?
The secret is truffle honey.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
[COUGHS] This muffin's dry as a bone!
Seriously?
JILL: Alright, why am I here?
Besides morbid curiosity.
Jill, we're both aware
that building a new summer resort
next door to the Moonshine is
Causing some friction.
Ain't life grand.
Sure could be.
If
We move the proposed build site
a few miles down the coast!
Bear with me.
You own this stretch of
beach right off the highway,
close to that cute little café
with the hummus combo
and that tasty pastry chef.
It's a piece of land
infinitely more suited
than that old piece of swamp.
Wes can double the size of his build,
which means double
the money for you, Jill.
Double my money, eh?
RHIAN & LIDIA: Mm-hm!
LIDIA: All you need to do is
change the address on your deal
when they fix the spelling of Leblanc.
You get to have your cake,
and said cake won't be
pissed on by Finley-Cullens,
the Moonshine,
or our two-star clientele,
none of which
let's get real here
Wesworld wants
in their swanky backyard.
So, what do you think?
I think
I think
You're nuts if you think
a multi-million-dollar developer
is gonna change the location
of their new hotel
two weeks before they break ground.
Did you get a few brain cells
knocked out of that head
when you fell off the stage last week?
RHIAN: But this is win-win, Jill,
in the way that nobody needs to lose.
Because, let's face it,
one of us was gonna lose big!
Well, you sisters should have
known this would never fly.
I mean, just redoing the permits
would set them back months,
and by then they'd lose interest.
See, rich people are like
puppies with platinum cards.
So you're more interested
in a win-lose situation.
Is that what I'm hearing?
[EXHALES TENSELY]
RHIAN: Lidia?
Why don't we treat our guest here
to some calming, restorative tea?
Jill
I'm just trying to protect our home.
Don't bullshit me.
You've always got
your own angle, dollface.
You might be a pretty blonde,
but you're full of ugly secrets.
Don't you think it's time
to tell your sister
about your fancy new job
with Wesworld?
Nice try, Leblanc.
I'm well aware of Lidia's job offer.
You're obviously not aware that
she turned that job offer down.
Yeah, sure she did, sweetheart
♪
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, now you're embarrassed?
Like I've never seen you naked?
RYAN: I know.
It just feels weird having
other people see you see me
Naked.
Oh, exploiting my employee
and my boyfriend
at the same time?
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Oh, no, no, Crystal, don't blame them!
This was my idea!
- Your idea?
- Yeah!
You told me to find my cleaning voice.
It was kismet, babe!
Hilda was hosting the
book club and the ladies
could not get into the third volume
of the Chowder St. Clair mysteries;
they got distracted by
how my tricep flexes when I
Ryan, you didn't even vacuum!
What good is a cleaning voice
if you don't use it to clean?!
Come on!
Let's go!
Okay.
Why don't you dust your own table?
Lap dances are not included
in the Crystal Clean clean guarantee!
- WOMAN: Aww
- WOMAN: That's too bad.
Bye-bye, book club!
Bye!
- CRYSTAL: Come on!
- WOMAN: Come anytime!
RHIAN: Lidia?
Please tell me
You didn't agree to
facilitate and design a resort
that's gonna destroy our
livelihood and childhood home
Did you?
As you know, um, I'm in between jobs,
and when Weston Lonergan, uh, uh
Reached out to have me,
uh, do some consulting for him
JILL: Lidia's the lead architect.
She's overseeing everything,
from the pastry chef,
apparently,
right down to the last crapper.
It's a done deal.
And I know that's Belladonna
Morte tea, by the way.
You think I can't see the
telltale rash on your fingers?
Ugh, idiots, all of ya!
Rhian?
Um
Yes, I am the lead architect,
but please just listen.
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
♪
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PEAKS]
♪
[RHIAN GRUNTS]
[JILL CACKLES]
LIDIA: Rhian! Okay stop!
[SHRIEKS] Stop! Oh, God!
Augh! Can't we just talk about this?!
Only 'cause I ran outta nails!
You have 30 seconds before I reload!
They're gonna build this
resort with or without us.
Isn't it better if I'm
working this from the inside?
I know you don't see it right now,
but I'm doing this
for all of us, Rhian!
I'm trying to protect you!
Horse shit!
You said you were
z-typing it this summer!
You said you weren't gonna add
any more shit to the shit pile!
But you're the living embodiment
of a shit pile, you traitor!
You Judas, or whatever
the female version of Judas is
- Judette!
- [SCREAMING]
Do you honestly think this
was an easy decision for me?
That I haven't suffered over this?
Oh, you don't know suffering
until you've straddled
a lawnmower with episiotomy stitches!
[LIDIA SCREAMING AND WHIMPERING]
I have to do everything around here!
The last thing I need is my own sister
stabbing me in the back, again!
This is your cesspool too, Lidia.
When will you finally
take responsibility for it?
[SOBBING]
♪
♪
♪
TERRY: So they had built
a little cowboy out of scallops
on top of the lobster, so
NORA: We're gonna talk
About that Nancy church lady
snotty brat thing you did.
I will go check on
police things.
- Godspeed, Terr.
- Thanks, D.
[CLEARS THROAT] I forgive you.
No, no, no, don't speak!
I'm fully taking this serious here.
I forgive you, okay?
I was gone a long time and I was busy,
and I'm not always great
at picking up the phone,
and I know that everybody
needs someone to talk to.
That said, I want to be
the someone that you talk to,
not some rando at some
stupid church thing, okay?
I-I want to be there to
Meet your emotional needs.
♪
Did Nora Finley-Cullen just say
"emotional needs"?
If you ever doubt how committed I am,
remember this puke-free moment, okay?
But you still suck.
[EXHALES] I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have let things
get as far as they did.
But
The kid, the house,
I still want those things.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
I-I don't think we're speaking
the same love language here.
Kid and house?
Church?
Ugh, I'd rather be raptured.
Fair enough.
Okay, so you're gonna dump
the Norman Rockwell bitch
and her ugly toddler?
Sever all ties?
Done.
Okay.
- You got it.
- [GIGGLES]
♪
RYAN: Babe, I swear, it never
went further than twerking!
And the occasional
wheelchair lap dance,
but I had a very strict
no-touching policy,
which most of the ladies obliged.
Except Marge.
She's real pinchy
and that wheelchair
puts her right at ass level.
Ry, I'm not jealous of
a bunch of horny old ladies!
Then why are you
cancelling all my bookings?
Babe, I made so much in tips!
And a little in savings bonds.
At this rate,
we'll be able to get
our second van by next month!
It's not just about
the second van, Ry.
Crystal Clean is my baby.
I gave birth to her my way,
and I need to raise her my way.
Your way.
I still get to be your corporate
liaison, though, right?
I need to succeed or
fail on my own terms.
On my own.
♪
Ry, you had a good run!
You know, and one day, you
are gonna make an amazing CEO.
You just need to find
your own thing to CEO!
I really thought
♪
I'll figure something else out.
Yeah! You will!
I mean, you're
Mr. figure stuff out, right?
Oh! I know!
Maybe Lidia can get
you in with Wesworld!
Yes, I bet there will be
a bunch of jobs open
when the hotel is up and running.
Why would Lidia have
an in with the hotel?
Uh
Um
Well, I don't I mean,
I don't really know for sure,
but my mom might have
mentioned something
about Lidia designing it?
But I could be wrong!
♪
ANI: Alright.
ANI: Phew!
Half done.
Not bad, considering.
Sorry we couldn't use her today.
Ah.
And I'm sorry about all the tension.
Every time I come back to
the Moonshine, stuff comes up.
I know you must be missing Bea.
Yeah.
And that's not the worst part.
I-I don't know if she's
missing me back.
You built 40 years of marriage.
If grand gestures are the thing,
then maybe it's time
you take your own advice.
Hm.
How about a a small gesture?
Put her there, partner.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[QUIETLY] Okay, okay.
I do actually go to Oxford, okay?
Uh okay.
But other than England,
I haven't ever stepped foot
outside of Nova Scotia.
And I also have two moms.
[SIGHS] Sammy, that's fine.
Not like two moms like
"two moms," but I-I just
I mean I was raised
by my grandparents,
who I thought were
my adoptive parents,
and then I just met my
biological mom last year.
Okay, well, then maybe
maybe three moms
if you count my bio dad's girlfriend.
And that dad and I were
actually raised as brothers.
And I have three sisters
who are actually my aunts,
and they're crazy.
And that's why I lied to you!
Because
You know, I didn't want
them to scare you away,
because my family is
A mess!
And I'm a mess.
Ugh!
But I'm here,
I'm standing here, owning it.
So
Take it or leave it.
[CHUCKLES]
Sammy, I live in a van,
I'm using my dad's money to prove
that I have some sort of future,
and I have Dave Matthews Band
tattooed on my ass.
Does that sound like someone
who has their shit together?
Uh, it's possible I may have
been over-thinking some things.
Look, I'm just happy you're
being honest with me, okay?
That's all I want!
I don't care about
anything else, okay?
We can be messes together.
♪
♪
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
[CLEARS THROAT] Hello, Bea?
It's me. Um
I hope hope you're doing good.
Uh, it's a
Real big mess up here.
Well, the usual, I guess.
Uh, I hope you're
getting the space you need.
Uh, I mean, the space we need, right?
I know it's supposed to be
good for both of us, but
I don't need it.
[SIGHS]
I mean
Oh, I don't know what I mean.
Aw, hell.
[SIGHS]
I love you. Come on home.
Since my girl left town ♪
♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪
♪
LIDIA: Mm.
Remember that game we used
to play when we were kids,
where we'd toss a bunch
of crap in the water
and then dive into the middle?
Sunk the junk?
Nope. [LAUGHS]
Well, I'm in it now.
Tits deep.
[SIGHS]
Dad
I'm taking a job
as lead architect
for the new Wesworld Resort.
And I know that's
extremely disappointing,
and I know it makes
me an asshole, and
I'm sorry.
♪
Well
That's a sucker punch!
I know!
I tried to reason with Jill,
convince her not to finalize
the land deal, but it's done.
There's nothing we can do.
The dig is what we can do.
What we're doing,
it'll protect us from those
greasy Wesworld hacks.
What's your mother gonna say?
What is she gonna do
When she finds she doesn't
have a home to come back to?
♪
LIDIA: [SIGHS]
Shit.
CRYSTAL: Ryan, stop. Ryan!
What, so everyone
in town knew except me?
Ryan, stop!
I-I'm sure that Lidia had
a reason not to tell you
that's not insulting.
You were next on my list, Ry.
I tried this morning with the muffins.
What, am I a big joke to everyone?
- No!
- Do I not get to have a say
in anything that goes on around here?
Alright, can everyone
just chill out for a second?
Thank you!
I hate to say I told you so.
Oh, wait, no, I don't.
Can you just let Lidia
get out what she has to say
and then have your little tantrum?
Why is everyone yelling?
Lidia's sleeping with the enemy!
LIDIA: Fine.
I'm designing the new Wesworld Resort.
But I'm doing it to make sure
the Moonshine stays untouched!
I have Wes's word.
He's a decent guy, I swear.
Right, Sammy?
- [SIGHS]
- [DOOR THUNKS OPEN]
Okay, hate me.
You don't want to support me, fine!
But just know I'm doing this for you!
And you're welcome!
[SEAGULLS CALLING]
[SEAGULLS CALLING]
[SOUND OF OCEAN WAVES]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
RHIAN: Previously on Moonshine
- Oh my God!
- I'm glad to run into you.
I still think your design sucks.
WES: You're the perfect person
to un-suckify it.
What?
- Don't take that job.
- Duh! Of course I won't.
It would be a game-changer.
NORA: Anything for a fan!
- I'm not a fan.
- [CAMERA CLICKS]
- You can text it to Terry.
- [TEXT NOTIFICATION]
NANCY: And tell him Nancy says hi.
♪
RYAN: Ani?
Hey, Ryan.
LIDIA: Ever hear of
the game sunk the junk?
'Course not, because the game
was a Finley-Cullen original.
High off rocket pops,
we'd break into the yard
of the only rich assholes in Foxton
- and toss crap in their pool.
- [LAUGHTER]
LIDIA: Equal parts junk
removal and science experiment.
What made the biggest splash?
What was the heaviest thing
we could hurl?
Most importantly, how long
could we go till we got caught?
[SNORING]
LIDIA: Cannonballing into chaos.
Totally cool getting trapped
in a cesspool of our own making?
Yeah, no thanks.
I could make the mess
but I couldn't embrace it.
So instead of ripping off
the band-aid and diving in,
I'd suffer,
waiting for the inevitable.
[LAUGHTER AND SHOUTING]
♪
LIDIA: Oh, I hated that game
♪
["BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"
BY APRIL WINE PLAYING]
This is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, this is my life ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
LIDIA: As such, I stand by my decision
to design the new resort.
Do you stand by my decision?
Is this you standing by?
I stand by the fact that
you have a death wish.
You just promised Rhian
that you would not
aid in the obliteration
of the Moonshine,
and now all of a sudden
you are the lead architect
of that bougie doomsday resort? Uh-uh!
See, that kind of
inflammatory rhetoric
is exactly why I'm
calling this family meeting!
It's not gonna be bougie, okay?
I'm actually going for coastal chic.
- Ugh!
- [TIMER BUZZES]
Ooh, my world-famous
blueberry muffins!
The perfect carb choice to lull
our family into submission
so they can understand
that this opportunity
is an opportunity for all of us.
There mind-altering drugs in these?
There should be.
- It's incredible.
- Good?
- I tried almond flour.
- No!
Your self-delusion!
You actually believe that you can spin
the Moonshine's imminent death
into a good thing?
It's not gonna happen.
The Moonshine is not gonna die!
I'm gonna prevent that
by working this build from the inside.
Oh, that is so your M.O.
You think that if you
avoid the carnage,
the carnage does not exist.
So dry. These need butter.
That is not my M.O.!
You avoided telling your husband
you wanted out for 20 years.
Okay, that is a little my M.O.
Nora, come on, I need your help here.
Ehh
I need you to get everyone
on board, Rhian especially.
If she's cool, the rest of the family
will be too afraid to not be cool.
Consider it your penance
for making a podcast
about my dumpster fire of a life.
It's not my fault that
you are an endless well
of depraved dumpster fire gold.
I just thought of a podcast title:
"Sororicide By Design:
"How one woman's effed-up quest
to get her life back on track
"destroys the family business
and then gets her murdered
"by her psychotic step-sister."
Too wordy?
Ow!
- Hey, Ani!
- Hey!
ANI: Come here!
I am so happy to see you!
RHIAN: You know when I'll be happy?
When you make some
hot shit viking discovery.
- Get in!
- I'm just gonna unpack.
Oh, you want me to start now?
I need answers by 3 pm.
If pushed,
I'd be amenable to end of day.
- [SCOFFS]
- SAMMY: Okay, well
I mean, I ran a rough field survey
by where dad found the dagger,
and I found some shard samples,
some ground depressions.
It's not viking-guaranteed,
but it's a pretty good start.
Sammy, you field-walked!
- Yeah!
- Radiating or traversing?
How long is the dig going to take?
Um, well, once we set up
our grid, it will be, like,
a month, tops.
A month?!
This asshat developer's
breaking ground in two weeks.
We are talking heavy
machinery, noise, dirt!
We're gonna lose all our campers!
Well, if we move fast,
it could be less,
but I can't make any guarantees.
[RADIO BEEPS]
OSCAR: [WALKIE-TALKIE] Hey, honeybuns,
we have a code blue in cabin 4.
I repeat, code blue in cabin 4!
Two weeks. Get it together, people!
♪
SAMMY: Welcome back?
RYAN: And with, uh, a few swift moves,
you too could be
a stove-cleaning expert.
[EXHALES] Ah, one sec.
Listen, do you, uh, scrub up and down
or, like, little circles?
Don't imitate me, Ry!
Um, improvise. You know?
Like, find a cleaning style that
only Ryan Finley-Cullen can do.
But but don't over-think it, babe.
You do you!
Put your shirt on!
This is a food prep area! Unsanitary!
What's your problem?
CRYSTAL: Oh, that campaign stress.
She's running for president
of the Foxton Cove
Business Association.
- RYAN: Ooh!
- It's in the bag.
I bribed or intimidated
every member for their vote.
Our problem is that Ani
is the slowest archaeologist
in history,
Sammy just proved how useless
his fancy university education
is, and Oscar's being
I don't know. Not Oscar.
Listen, Rhi, I care.
I really do.
But I can't figure out who Oscar is
until I figure out who Ryan is
when he's cleaning.
Yeah!
Also, I don't know if I would
stress so much, you know?
Like, the developer
can't build the hotel
until they finalize the land deal.
The land deal isn't finalized?
Oh, no! [GIGGLES] It's funny.
Okay, so the notary messed up
and wrote "Lablanc,"
L-a-b, instead of "Leblanc," L-e-b!
And so they had to restart all
of the contract from scratch!
It is taking forever.
My mom is super cranky.
No land deal, no resort
I can work with this!
♪
[BABIES CRYING]
I can work with this.
- [PHONE BUZZES]
- [GASPS]
Ry! 30 likes!
- Oh!
- Your video is blowing up!
Oh my God, it's like someone
came into his cleaning voice!
♪
LIDIA: Ah, life.
What is it, but an endless
parade of new experiences
knocking at your door?
Every day, a chance to grow,
to support the people closest to you
as they explore new
career-changing opportunities.
KEN: [COUGHING]
Can I have one of those?
Yes.
RYAN: Maybe a time machine
and we can go back
and buy doughnuts instead?
NORA: It's unanimous
the muffins suck.
What were you saying, Lidia?
It was a word salad, message unclear.
Hmm.
Wesworld is owned
by the Lonergan family.
Notoriously cutthroat.
Okay, but Wes isn't like that.
He wants to help the community.
How do you know that?
Just a vibe that I get?
Could be wrong.
All this to say I have
a way that we can strategically
control the sitch.
Change is constant, but how
do we promote positive change?
Destroying our enemies?
Jill's land deal isn't closed.
What?! How?
Some asshat lawyer can't spell,
which means window
of opportunity, bitches!
Gives us more time to dig, make
the Moonshine a historical site,
and shut Wesworld down for good.
NORA: I think Lidia
was on the precipice
of pitching a solution of her own.
You were saying, Lidia?
Just so
Happy
Ani is here!
- Aww!
- Yay!
ANI: And it's great to be back,
though I could use extra hands.
KEN: Diggin' up dirt is my speciality.
RHIAN: Great! Team dig is a go.
Rest of us are team obliterate Jill.
RYAN: No can do, sis.
Crystal Clean's got me
scrubbing gold toilets
in fancy-pants Chester today.
Uh-huh?
But you've got my back
on this, right, sis?
Mmm!
Ugh!
Death to Wesworld!
Writes itself! [CACKLES]
Sorry! [CACKLES LOUDER]
LIDIA: Uh, I've been very supportive
of your secret fling with Wes.
Where the hell was
my assist back there?
I tried, but I'm Switzerland!
I'm always Switzerland.
Switzerland isn't neutral
if Switzerland is sneaking over
to Germany's party van every
night for a screw and a latte.
You're right!
I let a suit in hipster's clothing
suck me in with his dimples.
- Wes has dimples?
- Not on his face
Oh my God.
I'm sorry, that was gross. I just
I don't know.
I think my Finley-Cullenness
is starting to surface:
The lying, the self-loathing,
the drinking before noon.
The banging guys that have
the power to destroy our family?
Was banging. Wes is ghosting me.
Oh.
Want me to talk to him for you?
A little creative spin
goes a long way.
Please, no. I'm done spinning.
And you should be too.
Just rip off the band-aid.
Tell Rhian that you're banging
the enemy, too professionally.
Not banging, containing!
And she'll thank me when
this is over and there's not
an infinity pool where
our broken-down trailer park
should be.
Lids, not everyone's
gonna like you all the time.
And, well, maybe that's okay.
It's the advice I'm giving myself
[CHUCKLES]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
OSCAR: Hey!
Lose the smile, bucko!
TERRY: Right.
DRUNK WOMAN: [BACKGROUND]
When do I get my phone call?
TERRY: You okay, bud?
OSCAR: Yeah no maybe.
I don't know.
I just really thought the
slip 'n slide vulva may have
Wow, oof!
Yeah, it's a long, slippery story,
which I thought was gonna
make me feel more like me.
Instead I felt trapped
in a dark, flesh-coloured,
pillowy tunnel.
Hey, man. One baby is a big
enough adjustment, but twins?
It's not just the twins, it's Rhian.
I I thought she would need me more.
I was supposed to be her
nurturer, her mighty pillar.
Instead I feel more
like a rotting porch.
You can relate, right?
You were married to her.
I never understood Rhian.
You're the only guy who's
ever been able to bring out her,
would you call it, human side?
I just want to be
more like you and Nora:
A delicious, foot-long
relationship sub
with a little bit of
Terry and Nora in every bite.
The grass ain't always greener, bro.
Ah.
NORA: So you played "hide
the kielbasa" while I was gone.
Big deal. I'm over it.
That's not what happened.
I didn't cheat on you.
You don't have to lie to me,
Terr, okay?
I was gone for ten months.
What guy can keep it
in his pants for that long?
Pass, I'll give you a pass.
Done. Conversation over.
It's not over, okay?
I need to make things clear.
Nancy invited me over after church.
- You went to church?
- Yes.
I've been going back to church.
[LAUGHS] What, did you
bump uglies in the pew?
- Terry!
- Nora, please, come on!
Look, I think you should know
that, yes, we got close,
and not in that way,
but close.
She's got this sweet,
little boy, Aiden.
He's four, and
We would have movie nights,
and one time we had a picnic.
A picnic?
Yeah, so I am sorry
that you had
this awkward run-in with her.
Clearly she's gotten
her signals crossed,
which is completely my fault.
But in a weird way,
I don't even think it was about
Nancy or Aiden,
I think I just saw
what our life could be,
and I can't help but want that.
With you.
[SIGHS]
I wish you'd just boned her!
[CLEARS THROAT] Uh, whatcha doin'?
Brainstorming.
Uh [CLEARS THROAT]
Can we talk for a second
about the new resort?
Yes! Let's spitball.
I'm thinking blackmail,
unless you learned any torture
tactics from the Marauders.
Sadly, no. Um
I just need to backtrack for a minute.
Um, so last summer Wasn't my best.
Got, uh, distracted by a man.
Very, very hot, beautiful biker man.
Admittedly, went a little nuts, right?
But, Rhian, back in
New York, I-I never
reached for the things
I really wanted, you know?
I-I got lost in my marriage
and compromised my needs, my career
That sucks, but I need ideas.
No more bullshit.
What? What's wrong?
That's what we need.
Your bullshit!
That thing you do
where you talk for hours
without saying anything,
and people get so bored
they want to kill themselves,
so eventually they just agree
to whatever it is you want
just to get you to shut up?
- Uh, that's not a thing
- Yes, yes, it is.
And we need to lean into that.
We're going to co-host
a tea party for Jill.
♪
Look at us, sisters,
bound by killer weeds,
a failing campground,
and dry-ass muffins.
Bring some. 2 pm, lodge.
Sharp!
- NORA: You chicken shit.
- LIDIA: I know!
What's wrong with me?
I'm a grown woman acting
like a ten-year-old
worried her little sister's
gonna slaughter
her pet turtle for soup.
It was really good soup.
No. Not while I'm venting.
I'm not recording you.
I am cyber-stalking Nancy.
- Who's Nancy?
- The aggro chick from the spa.
Terry had an emotional affair
with her and her stupid kid.
- God, that's bad!
- Yeah.
Why couldn't he just
mow someone else's lawn
like a normal scumbag?
Ugh.
Someone else's lawn!
Yes!
All I have to do
is make sure Jill sells Wes
a different piece of land!
The Leblancs own property
all over the south shore.
"Own" is generous, but yeah,
they shook down the Harnishes
for some gambling debt
in the '90s Lidia, don't!
You think you're so cute
ANI: So, how's it been
going with your dad?
I mean your brother.
I mean Ryan.
Um, honestly, I haven't seen
him much since I've been back.
He's been really busy
with Crystal Clean.
It's really taking off.
Good for Ryan.
There's nothing more
important than having a job
you're passionate about. Like me.
Nothing makes me more
excited than 800 tiny flags
and a bunch of twine
to keep me busy all summer.
Who needs a personal life?
[CRASHING AND THUDDING]
[ENGINE REVVING AND TREADS RATTLING]
KEN: Woo-hoo! Goddammit, you're mine!
Ha-ha!
Here comes Christine!
Look out!
No! Stop!
Hey!
Stop it!
What are you
Ken!
- Ken!
- [ENGINE TURNS OFF]
What are you doing?
Excavatin', baby!
This is an archaeological dig,
not a monster truck rally!
Monster truck?
This little honey has
got advanced hydraulics
and a bong-holder.
It doesn't get better than Christine.
Okay, but Christine
can't break up this site
into two-metre grid squares,
equidistant.
Trust me on this, Ken. It's my field.
Last time I checked, it was my field.
SAMMY: [SIGHS]
Dad, please, don't be stubborn.
Can you at least try it our way?
"Our way"?
What about our way?
I'm gonna need a bigger bong.
♪
Uh, you've reached Crystal Clean!
How can we provide a sparkle
to your home and/or work space today?
You want the Ryan deep clean special?
- Oh, hold on one sec.
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- Oh, sorry, please hold!
- [PHONE BEEPS]
Sorry, one second.
Oh my God. Hi!
You've reached Crystal Clean!
Uh, Ryan is actually
not available, but I am
Hello?
CRYSTAL: Hey, babe.
Um, I was just wondering
if I should come and pick you up
because you've been gone
for like five hours! [LAUGHS]
Also, the board is full
and I feel like we should celebrate!
[DOG BARKING]
JILL: Workin' hard?
Today's not our cribbage day, is it?
No, I'm not here for cards.
Seems your girls are having
some kind of abandonment issues
since your wife's been gone.
They invited me over for tea.
Bea'll be home soon.
Say it enough times and
Click your heels
Might actually come true.
Jill?
You've known me for a dog's age.
Am I stubborn?
Difficult?
Depends.
You ready to cash in,
stop working so hard?
Not a chance.
Hmph!
Stubborn as ever.
Kinda cute.
And Bea's a brave woman leaving
a man like you here on your own.
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
[KNOCK]
Voilà, your number two has come up
with a number one plan
to stop Jill from building
the resort next door.
It's foolproof. Total win-win.
Good!
But just in case your plan to
stop Jill from selling Wesworld
that land sucks, I've come up with
Foolproof plan B.
Tea?
Brewed by yours truly with leaves
picked from this very campground.
Oh, organic. Nice touch.
Yup!
It's Belladonna season,
and Belladonna Morte
is especially poisonous.
If plan a fails, we stir in
a little honey, and whammo,
works within seconds,
and that Moonshine-hating bitch
won't know what hit her
but we will!
Poison?
Pissed you didn't think of it first?
Rhian? Uh, you can't kill her.
I'm not gonna kill her!
The neurotoxin in the poison's
gonna do all the heavy lifting.
Mint leaves, Belladonna leaves,
honest mistake!
- Rhian!
- Oh, relax!
It's not usually fatal.
It'll paralyse her for a few days.
Comma if we're lucky.
But if Jill does die,
Crystal, her only heir,
inherits the land,
which means we'll be home-free.
At the very least, it's more
time for Ani to discover
viking loot, which means
we'll have protected land,
which means my foot
way up that resort's ass!
Voilà, the poisoned chalice!
Rhian
I'm so happy that
you and I are dealing
with this crisis as a team.
However, I'd like to remind you
that my idea won't
earn you a life sentence.
Oh.
Uh, I won't be taking the fall.
If we get caught, who'd get the blame?
Hardworking mother of two
or the felon with the ankle monitor?
Good luck with plan A!
♪
SAMMY: Hey.
KEN: [SIGHS]
I'm sorry, I've been in a mood.
Been a tough day without your mom.
Love is a bitch-slap
To the nuts.
Don't I know it.
I met someone and,
uh, I already screwed it up.
ANI: Well
When you care about
someone and you have history,
no matter how long it's been, um
You should be honest
with them about how you feel.
Right?
Well, I've known him for a week
and I don't know how I feel.
KEN: Sammy, love is like an excavator.
I say go big or go home.
Make a grand gesture.
It's like the heavy
machinery of feelings.
Ha-ha!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING IN HOUSE]
- [WOMEN CHEERING]
- [LAUGHTER]
- Ry?
- WOMAN: Show me more!
[MUSIC BLASTING]
♪
RYAN: Yeah!
WOMAN: Nice wood!
♪
WOMAN: Bring it here, Sonny!
RYAN: Hey!
Let's go!
Dusty! ♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]
[WOMEN CHEERING]
- Come on, Marge!
- Woo!
[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]
♪
WOMAN: Woo! Shake it!
[SHOUTING AND CHEERING]
RYAN: Tell your friends!
WOMAN: Make it rain!
RYAN: Yeah!
WOMEN: Take it off, take it off!
- This?
- Take it off!
Take it off! Take it off!
[SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
WOMAN: Yummy!
RYAN: Woo!
♪
WOMAN: Come to mama!
Muffin?
The secret is truffle honey.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
[COUGHS] This muffin's dry as a bone!
Seriously?
JILL: Alright, why am I here?
Besides morbid curiosity.
Jill, we're both aware
that building a new summer resort
next door to the Moonshine is
Causing some friction.
Ain't life grand.
Sure could be.
If
We move the proposed build site
a few miles down the coast!
Bear with me.
You own this stretch of
beach right off the highway,
close to that cute little café
with the hummus combo
and that tasty pastry chef.
It's a piece of land
infinitely more suited
than that old piece of swamp.
Wes can double the size of his build,
which means double
the money for you, Jill.
Double my money, eh?
RHIAN & LIDIA: Mm-hm!
LIDIA: All you need to do is
change the address on your deal
when they fix the spelling of Leblanc.
You get to have your cake,
and said cake won't be
pissed on by Finley-Cullens,
the Moonshine,
or our two-star clientele,
none of which
let's get real here
Wesworld wants
in their swanky backyard.
So, what do you think?
I think
I think
You're nuts if you think
a multi-million-dollar developer
is gonna change the location
of their new hotel
two weeks before they break ground.
Did you get a few brain cells
knocked out of that head
when you fell off the stage last week?
RHIAN: But this is win-win, Jill,
in the way that nobody needs to lose.
Because, let's face it,
one of us was gonna lose big!
Well, you sisters should have
known this would never fly.
I mean, just redoing the permits
would set them back months,
and by then they'd lose interest.
See, rich people are like
puppies with platinum cards.
So you're more interested
in a win-lose situation.
Is that what I'm hearing?
[EXHALES TENSELY]
RHIAN: Lidia?
Why don't we treat our guest here
to some calming, restorative tea?
Jill
I'm just trying to protect our home.
Don't bullshit me.
You've always got
your own angle, dollface.
You might be a pretty blonde,
but you're full of ugly secrets.
Don't you think it's time
to tell your sister
about your fancy new job
with Wesworld?
Nice try, Leblanc.
I'm well aware of Lidia's job offer.
You're obviously not aware that
she turned that job offer down.
Yeah, sure she did, sweetheart
♪
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, now you're embarrassed?
Like I've never seen you naked?
RYAN: I know.
It just feels weird having
other people see you see me
Naked.
Oh, exploiting my employee
and my boyfriend
at the same time?
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Oh, no, no, Crystal, don't blame them!
This was my idea!
- Your idea?
- Yeah!
You told me to find my cleaning voice.
It was kismet, babe!
Hilda was hosting the
book club and the ladies
could not get into the third volume
of the Chowder St. Clair mysteries;
they got distracted by
how my tricep flexes when I
Ryan, you didn't even vacuum!
What good is a cleaning voice
if you don't use it to clean?!
Come on!
Let's go!
Okay.
Why don't you dust your own table?
Lap dances are not included
in the Crystal Clean clean guarantee!
- WOMAN: Aww
- WOMAN: That's too bad.
Bye-bye, book club!
Bye!
- CRYSTAL: Come on!
- WOMAN: Come anytime!
RHIAN: Lidia?
Please tell me
You didn't agree to
facilitate and design a resort
that's gonna destroy our
livelihood and childhood home
Did you?
As you know, um, I'm in between jobs,
and when Weston Lonergan, uh, uh
Reached out to have me,
uh, do some consulting for him
JILL: Lidia's the lead architect.
She's overseeing everything,
from the pastry chef,
apparently,
right down to the last crapper.
It's a done deal.
And I know that's Belladonna
Morte tea, by the way.
You think I can't see the
telltale rash on your fingers?
Ugh, idiots, all of ya!
Rhian?
Um
Yes, I am the lead architect,
but please just listen.
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
♪
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PEAKS]
♪
[RHIAN GRUNTS]
[JILL CACKLES]
LIDIA: Rhian! Okay stop!
[SHRIEKS] Stop! Oh, God!
Augh! Can't we just talk about this?!
Only 'cause I ran outta nails!
You have 30 seconds before I reload!
They're gonna build this
resort with or without us.
Isn't it better if I'm
working this from the inside?
I know you don't see it right now,
but I'm doing this
for all of us, Rhian!
I'm trying to protect you!
Horse shit!
You said you were
z-typing it this summer!
You said you weren't gonna add
any more shit to the shit pile!
But you're the living embodiment
of a shit pile, you traitor!
You Judas, or whatever
the female version of Judas is
- Judette!
- [SCREAMING]
Do you honestly think this
was an easy decision for me?
That I haven't suffered over this?
Oh, you don't know suffering
until you've straddled
a lawnmower with episiotomy stitches!
[LIDIA SCREAMING AND WHIMPERING]
I have to do everything around here!
The last thing I need is my own sister
stabbing me in the back, again!
This is your cesspool too, Lidia.
When will you finally
take responsibility for it?
[SOBBING]
♪
♪
♪
TERRY: So they had built
a little cowboy out of scallops
on top of the lobster, so
NORA: We're gonna talk
About that Nancy church lady
snotty brat thing you did.
I will go check on
police things.
- Godspeed, Terr.
- Thanks, D.
[CLEARS THROAT] I forgive you.
No, no, no, don't speak!
I'm fully taking this serious here.
I forgive you, okay?
I was gone a long time and I was busy,
and I'm not always great
at picking up the phone,
and I know that everybody
needs someone to talk to.
That said, I want to be
the someone that you talk to,
not some rando at some
stupid church thing, okay?
I-I want to be there to
Meet your emotional needs.
♪
Did Nora Finley-Cullen just say
"emotional needs"?
If you ever doubt how committed I am,
remember this puke-free moment, okay?
But you still suck.
[EXHALES] I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have let things
get as far as they did.
But
The kid, the house,
I still want those things.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
I-I don't think we're speaking
the same love language here.
Kid and house?
Church?
Ugh, I'd rather be raptured.
Fair enough.
Okay, so you're gonna dump
the Norman Rockwell bitch
and her ugly toddler?
Sever all ties?
Done.
Okay.
- You got it.
- [GIGGLES]
♪
RYAN: Babe, I swear, it never
went further than twerking!
And the occasional
wheelchair lap dance,
but I had a very strict
no-touching policy,
which most of the ladies obliged.
Except Marge.
She's real pinchy
and that wheelchair
puts her right at ass level.
Ry, I'm not jealous of
a bunch of horny old ladies!
Then why are you
cancelling all my bookings?
Babe, I made so much in tips!
And a little in savings bonds.
At this rate,
we'll be able to get
our second van by next month!
It's not just about
the second van, Ry.
Crystal Clean is my baby.
I gave birth to her my way,
and I need to raise her my way.
Your way.
I still get to be your corporate
liaison, though, right?
I need to succeed or
fail on my own terms.
On my own.
♪
Ry, you had a good run!
You know, and one day, you
are gonna make an amazing CEO.
You just need to find
your own thing to CEO!
I really thought
♪
I'll figure something else out.
Yeah! You will!
I mean, you're
Mr. figure stuff out, right?
Oh! I know!
Maybe Lidia can get
you in with Wesworld!
Yes, I bet there will be
a bunch of jobs open
when the hotel is up and running.
Why would Lidia have
an in with the hotel?
Uh
Um
Well, I don't I mean,
I don't really know for sure,
but my mom might have
mentioned something
about Lidia designing it?
But I could be wrong!
♪
ANI: Alright.
ANI: Phew!
Half done.
Not bad, considering.
Sorry we couldn't use her today.
Ah.
And I'm sorry about all the tension.
Every time I come back to
the Moonshine, stuff comes up.
I know you must be missing Bea.
Yeah.
And that's not the worst part.
I-I don't know if she's
missing me back.
You built 40 years of marriage.
If grand gestures are the thing,
then maybe it's time
you take your own advice.
Hm.
How about a a small gesture?
Put her there, partner.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[QUIETLY] Okay, okay.
I do actually go to Oxford, okay?
Uh okay.
But other than England,
I haven't ever stepped foot
outside of Nova Scotia.
And I also have two moms.
[SIGHS] Sammy, that's fine.
Not like two moms like
"two moms," but I-I just
I mean I was raised
by my grandparents,
who I thought were
my adoptive parents,
and then I just met my
biological mom last year.
Okay, well, then maybe
maybe three moms
if you count my bio dad's girlfriend.
And that dad and I were
actually raised as brothers.
And I have three sisters
who are actually my aunts,
and they're crazy.
And that's why I lied to you!
Because
You know, I didn't want
them to scare you away,
because my family is
A mess!
And I'm a mess.
Ugh!
But I'm here,
I'm standing here, owning it.
So
Take it or leave it.
[CHUCKLES]
Sammy, I live in a van,
I'm using my dad's money to prove
that I have some sort of future,
and I have Dave Matthews Band
tattooed on my ass.
Does that sound like someone
who has their shit together?
Uh, it's possible I may have
been over-thinking some things.
Look, I'm just happy you're
being honest with me, okay?
That's all I want!
I don't care about
anything else, okay?
We can be messes together.
♪
♪
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
[CLEARS THROAT] Hello, Bea?
It's me. Um
I hope hope you're doing good.
Uh, it's a
Real big mess up here.
Well, the usual, I guess.
Uh, I hope you're
getting the space you need.
Uh, I mean, the space we need, right?
I know it's supposed to be
good for both of us, but
I don't need it.
[SIGHS]
I mean
Oh, I don't know what I mean.
Aw, hell.
[SIGHS]
I love you. Come on home.
Since my girl left town ♪
♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪
♪
LIDIA: Mm.
Remember that game we used
to play when we were kids,
where we'd toss a bunch
of crap in the water
and then dive into the middle?
Sunk the junk?
Nope. [LAUGHS]
Well, I'm in it now.
Tits deep.
[SIGHS]
Dad
I'm taking a job
as lead architect
for the new Wesworld Resort.
And I know that's
extremely disappointing,
and I know it makes
me an asshole, and
I'm sorry.
♪
Well
That's a sucker punch!
I know!
I tried to reason with Jill,
convince her not to finalize
the land deal, but it's done.
There's nothing we can do.
The dig is what we can do.
What we're doing,
it'll protect us from those
greasy Wesworld hacks.
What's your mother gonna say?
What is she gonna do
When she finds she doesn't
have a home to come back to?
♪
LIDIA: [SIGHS]
Shit.
CRYSTAL: Ryan, stop. Ryan!
What, so everyone
in town knew except me?
Ryan, stop!
I-I'm sure that Lidia had
a reason not to tell you
that's not insulting.
You were next on my list, Ry.
I tried this morning with the muffins.
What, am I a big joke to everyone?
- No!
- Do I not get to have a say
in anything that goes on around here?
Alright, can everyone
just chill out for a second?
Thank you!
I hate to say I told you so.
Oh, wait, no, I don't.
Can you just let Lidia
get out what she has to say
and then have your little tantrum?
Why is everyone yelling?
Lidia's sleeping with the enemy!
LIDIA: Fine.
I'm designing the new Wesworld Resort.
But I'm doing it to make sure
the Moonshine stays untouched!
I have Wes's word.
He's a decent guy, I swear.
Right, Sammy?
- [SIGHS]
- [DOOR THUNKS OPEN]
Okay, hate me.
You don't want to support me, fine!
But just know I'm doing this for you!
And you're welcome!
[SEAGULLS CALLING]
[SEAGULLS CALLING]
[SOUND OF OCEAN WAVES]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪