Moonshine (2021) s03e08 Episode Script
High Season
1
Nora (V.O.): Previously on Moonshine
NORA: The only reason
you did any of this
is to make yourself feel better
because everybody hates you!
Lidia?
NORA: She's gone and she's left us
to clean up this family nightmare.
LIDIA: I am with you, all in.
RHIAN: Are you worried you might
be pregnant with Satan's spawn?
I'm worried I might have cancer!
GALE: Small-town cops are nothing
compared to the Marauders.
They got eyes and ears everywhere.
[MAN GROANS]
NORA: I realized having
a little bit of Lidia in me
wasn't such a bad thing.
[CRASH AND EXPLOSION]
♪
NORA: There's no decorative
pillow for this one, folks.
♪
We'll meet again ♪
don't know where, don't know when ♪
but I know we'll meet
again some sunny day ♪
♪
Keep smiling through ♪
just like you always do ♪
till the blue skies
chase the dark clouds ♪
far away ♪
KEN: So will you please say hello ♪
to the folks that I know ♪
tell them that I won't be long ♪
they'll be happy to know ♪
when you saw me go ♪
I was singing this song ♪
♪
NORA: We'll meet again ♪
don't know where, don't know when ♪
but I know we'll meet
again some sunny day ♪
♪
SAMMY: So won't you
please say hello ♪
to the folks that I know ♪
tell them I won't be long ♪
LIDIA: They'll be happy to know ♪
that when you saw me go ♪
I was singing this song ♪
♪
We'll meet again ♪
don't know where, don't know when ♪
but I know we'll meet
again some sunny day ♪
but I know we'll meet again ♪
some sunny day ♪
[WAVES ROLLING OUTSIDE]
["BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"
BY APRIL WINE PLAYING]
This is my life, my life ♪
this is my life, this is my life ♪
this is my life, my life ♪
[CASH REGISTER BEEPS]
Please, say something.
It's still warm.
I know what Lidia would say.
What are the chances
we'd come into this diner
at the exact moment they pulled
their apple pie out of the oven?
No.
She'd ask why you'd
demand to stop for apple pie
after you just watched
her drive off a cliff.
Don't judge me, I'm grieving!
And this is a very good pie.
She's gone.
"Gone" gone,
like, "I could smell
burning hair" gone.
I've dreamt of this
moment my entire life.
Fantasized about every detail,
including the burning hair,
but in my imagination
it was always a party!
It had to have been
an accident, right?
Do you think it was
road head gone wrong?
What if it wasn't an accident?
Lidia knew we loved her, right?
We wanted her to come back.
We said so.
Didn't we?
My last words to her were,
"want a baby back?"
And I didn't even mean it.
I wasn't gonna share my ribs.
Never got to say goodbye.
Hm
Now there's nothing left of her.
There's one thing.
Her dry shampoo.
♪
♪
I guess I'm the hot sister now.
Are you serious?
You had really great hair,
and you could charm like no one else,
and
I love you, Lidia.
Dammit, I loved you!
Your turn.
[CLEARS THROAT] Okay, um
I never thought you'd
be the one to go first.
I really, really, really
assumed it would be me.
Screw you, Lidia.
What am I supposed to do without you?
♪
[SLURPING DRINK]
- What the hell?!
- Aww!
You guys wuv me!
You bitch!
Mmm!
- [LAUGHS]
- Mmm!
♪
[SEAGULLS CALLING IN DISTANCE]
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[PHONE BUZZING]
[SIGHS]
[FOGHORN BLOWS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
DICK: This place looks like
Martha's vineyard's
trashy cousin.
WES: Why are you here, dad?
Because you haven't
returned my calls in a week.
On the phone that I pay for.
I have nothing to say to you.
Why haven't you started construction?
There's been a complication.
Lidia died last night.
Who's Lidia?
Our lead architect.
Her family owns the Moonshine.
God, the resort you want to bulldoze!
And she didn't find that
to be a conflict of interest?
[SCOFFS]
Dad, we can't start construction
when our lead architect just died.
Oh, wanna bet?
♪
Ow!
I feel like killing you
all over again!
Can we not go back to the part
where you were happy I was alive?
No, and damn you for
making me feel things!
Although I am relieved I don't
have to take care of your brats.
I don't like orphans.
They're so needy.
How are you not dead?
Because we saw you burn!
Look, we only had one option
after that biker spotted Gale
at the roadhouse.
There was a bounty on our heads.
A bounty, eh?
How much we talkin'?
Look, it wasn't enough
for us to disappear.
We had to die.
- [GUNSHOTS]
- LIDIA: Whoa, God!
Is that biker shooting at us?!
Eeh, yeah
Uh, okay, okay, okay, stay calm.
Time for plan b.
- [GUNSHOT]
- Aah, God!
- Where'd you get that?
- What?
It's at the hardware store.
It's just lighter fluid.
Not that! The teeth, the teeth!
Ah, yeah! No, I got a guy.
RHIAN: Did you get his number?
- Who?
- Gale's teeth guy!
Do you know how hard it is to
find human teeth in a pinch?
Ew.
- [GUNSHOT]
- [LIDIA SCREAMS]
Just turn off the road
up here, up here.
This'll buy us time.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
♪
Leave it running.
[PANICKED BREATHING]
Oh my God.
Uh, what are you doing?
What is that?
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- Gale, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
- Uh
- GALE: Here we go.
LIDIA: Uh
- Oh!
- [CAR DRIVES OFF]
LIDIA: Okay
Wow, if that was, uh, plan b,
I'd hate to see what plan c is.
It'll blow up. They'll think it's us.
I got another car waiting, okay?
- Yeah.
- Lidia, we gotta move!
I
No, I can't.
I can't I can't
leave my kids, Gale.
I'm sorry
This is goodbye.
♪
♪
[CRASH AND EXPLOSION IN DISTANCE]
♪
[SIRENS IN DISTANCE]
[SIRENS GETTING LOUDER]
NORA: Wait, so you didn't bone
in the woods one last time?
Ugh, it was pretty anti-climactic
if I'm being honest. And that kiss
Like a dead fish.
- Eugh.
- Chapped lips.
And then he was just
Gone.
RHIAN: Well, this solves
none of our problems.
Our home being turned into
a parking lot, ring any bells?
Yes.
Which is why I have
a plan to buy us time.
Well, hot tip: Don't use a skull
that implicates our mother for murder.
Okay, I didn't see you
coming up with anything better!
So what's your plan?
I
Am going to stay dead.
♪
♪
LIDIA: Dick Lonergan can't,
in good conscience,
destroy our family home
while you're still in mourning.
You're assuming he has a conscience.
And how long does a "death
in the family" buy us, anyway?
Well, in the Jewish tradition,
sitting Shiva takes seven days.
- Who's Jewish?
- I'm Jewish!
I converted for Daniel
when we got married.
Daniel's Jewish?
Not to brag,
but the rabbi said my Hebrew
was so flawless he
swore I was born in Israel.
Baruch hashem, bitches!
Okay, okay, so you are Jewish
and we have seven days
to do what exactly?
Ha! "We"?
Let's just cut to the part
where this all lands on me
- like it always does.
- SAMMY: Hey!
Okay, so I told the rest of the family
that you aren't really dead
but they should still
pretend that you are.
- Good.
- And in other random things
I hoped I'd never say,
Wes's dad is at
the fish and chips shack,
complaining that our coleslaw
tastes like farts.
Dick Lonergan is here?
At the Moonshine?
He doesn't think
Wes is moving fast enough.
He wants to bulldoze our asses,
like yesterday.
Okay.
You know what, guys?
This is my problem
And I will solve it.
You just focus on mourning me.
Oh, God.
Throwing me the Shiva of the century!
I'm thinking blush peony garlands,
tasteful gold accents
oh, maybe a wistful slideshow?
And to really sell it,
you might want to imagine
the pain of my absence.
The the devastation
of life without me.
The sheer living nightmare
it would be for each of you
♪
The hell?
Feel free to use any
or all of that in my eulogy!
[SIGHS]
OSCAR: Rhian!
How are you holding up, my pet?
Can I get you anything?
Oh, I still can't
believe Lidia's gone!
Oh, I've been gone too. I'm so behind.
I need to pump, check the bookings,
fix the plumbing in cabin eight
oh, no, you're just in shock, my love.
- You need time to grieve.
- Oh.
Lidia's not dead.
Wait, what?!
[YAWNING] Oh, yeah, no, she faked it,
to crush Dick Lonergan
and stop the build.
Yeah, but I filed
an official police report.
We found teeth!
Gale has a guy.
Oscar, you can't tell anyone.
It's a stupid idea that won't work,
but I need you
to at least try to sell this.
With deceit?
Illegal, "I will never get
my new career back" deceit?
Are you a Finley-Cullen or not?
Don't answer that.
Ah, I'm gonna lie down,
for two minutes, okay?
And then you can answer that.
♪
- Babe!
- [MUFFLED] Ahh
♪
LIDIA: We have seven days
to find something scandalous
to bring him to his knees.
FINN: Okay. Um
Okay, "tycoon fabricates
prenup in nasty divorce"?
ELEANOR: A divorce ten years ago?
That's not exactly
the dead hooker we need.
"Lonergan linked to deceased
sex worker in Reno hotel"?
- Ooh!
- No, acquitted.
Oh, God, who am I kidding?
Guys like Lonergan always have fixers.
And this asshole
seems especially slippery.
Nothing sticks.
Okay, so he has another
resort in palm Springs,
desert villa spa,
and there's a bunch of
travel articles about it,
but when I click it,
it says "unavailable."
I could keep digging,
but it's gonna take me a while
- to find the good stuff.
- Ugh, time we don't have.
Crap, we need to figure out
how to keep him occupied
while I build a case.
How are we gonna amuse
a five-star billionaire
- at a two-star campground?
- Ugh!
"Lonergan arrested for drug
possession at the Met Gala."
Baller.
♪
Ahh!
Looks like old Dickie likes to partay!
["BATTLE WITHOUT HONOR OR HUMANITY"]
[BY TOMOYASU HOTEI PLAYING]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
Moonshine good time
concierge at your service.
DICK: Ooh!
Come to papa!
[DICK CHUCKLES]
♪
CRYSTAL: Are you sure
it's okay if I crash
- at your trailer this weekend?
- Yes, bitch!
Once a party bitch,
always a party bitch.
Party bitches for life!
- Woo!
- [GIGGLES]
BECKY: Well, that is
until three years ago
when you stopped returning
our calls and texts.
CRYSTAL: I know, I am sorry.
When I got sober,
my sponsor said it was important
to remove temptation
And your numbers from my phone.
No offence!
So, are you and Ryan "done" done?
Or are you doing that thing
where you stop giving him BJs
for a day so he realizes
how much he loves you?
Oh, we're not done;
I just thought
that I would take a weekend,
just to pay a visit to
the woman I was without a man.
- Cool!
- [TEXT NOTIFICATION]
BECKY: Damn!
One of the Finley-Cullen
sisters drove off a cliff?
I guess this is, like,
her funeral or something.
What?! What? Let me see that!
[GASPS]
♪
It's Lidia!
So, what is this?
Skunky college hash and speed?
KEN: Yeah, but there's also
some medical-grade MDMA,
some GHB,
and an eight-ball of coke
I found in a paddleboat
just last week.
RYAN: Turns out drug users
are super forgetful.
DICK: Hmm.
- What's in here?
- Oof, bad Betty.
One of the only ten
produced in a lab in Croatia
Or was it Schenectady?
RYAN: Either way, it comes from hell.
Dad won it in a cribbage game.
- Tell me more.
- Never tried it.
Some trips you can't
come back from, Dick.
Step aside, David Crosby.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Off limits, even to my enemies.
The Moonshine may be the wild west,
but I still know
how to spell liability, cowboy.
Crushing legal action.
Well, now you're speaking my language.
Your eyes are mesmerizing.
I should look away,
but I don't want to.
You wouldn't be the first one.
Or the last one.
KEN: It's like looking into
two sparkling sapphires,
deep azure lagoons of
[CASE CLICKS SHUT]
KEN: Oh, why don't we, uh
start with something
a little more mellow, friend?
I don't mind if I doobie-doobie-do.
♪
♪
[DEEP EXHALATION]
[LAUGHS]
♪
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
WOMAN: I'm so sorry.
You don't even seem sad.
- [EXAGGERATED SOB]
- MAN: My condolences.
[ELEANOR SCOFFS]
ANI: Finn, El.
I came as soon as I heard.
I am so, so sorry.
ELEANOR: Yeah,
I think I'm still in shock.
Way to sell it, Ani.
FINN: Life will never be the same.
- Oh, God! [CRYING]
- Sell what?
ANI: "Free booze"?
[FINN SOBBING]
Oh, God.
Mommy
[EXAGGERATED SOB]
Mommy!
Oh my God
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
LIDIA: Gary, hey!
My favourite tax accountant!
Yes, yes, I know, I've been MIA.
Just like my bank account! [LAUGHS]
Question, hypothetical, of course:
Why would a really rich dude
build resorts and then find
excuses to never open them?
♪
Mm-hm
Right.
♪
Thanks, Gary.
Oh
I know what you did, Dick.
You dick!
Ugh!
♪
Password, password, password
[KEYBOARD TAPPING]
[BUZZING SOUND]
[KEYBOARD TAPPING]
[BUZZING SOUND]
[SIGHS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
BECKY & JOJO: Party bitches, woo!
SAMMY: Wow, someone wins
"best dead sister face."
Shut up, this is real.
I'm in mourning.
Over what?
My relationship with Wes?
Me.
Did you get your biopsy results?
Yeah, it's bad.
- Cancer?
- Worse.
The doctor says that I have to
quit smoking and drinking
and cut down on my random HPV
sex so that I don't get cancer.
Better than being dead?
Is it?
It's funny, dying in
the place you were born.
The shore club.
I started sneaking into this place
when I was 12 years old.
Had my first shot at this bar.
Bummed my first dart right there.
Did you know my first job
was as a booker for this place?
Dad thought it would
keep me out of trouble.
Tell that to the divorced father
of two I took to prom.
[SAMMY CHUCKLES] Oh my God.
Here I am, almost-cancer survivor,
virtually unemployed, probably single,
and unable to smoke.
Sounds to me like
the beginning of a new chapter.
So many amazing bands
used to pass through here,
and a real booker
could restore this place to
Sort-of glory?
♪
♪
DICK: I wish I'd known her. She's hot.
You did know her
she worked for you!
And she was really excited
about those designs
until you used them
to destroy our family home.
Well, it's mighty big of you
to party with me at her funeral.
I mean, given the circumstances.
Come on, let me buy you a drink.
No, I'm actually sober.
Uh, it's a long, weird story.
I thought quitting drinking
would help me become
more successful, but it turns out
I'm just as big of a screw-up
as when I was a drunk.
How does a man even get successful?
Is it the eyes?
You want my advice?
Take life by the balls.
Squeeze 'em, hard as you can.
Squeezing seems like it would hurt.
Success is a staircase.
The people are the steps.
Something my son doesn't understand.
I don't like what he's done
or how he's doing it,
but Wes seems like a nice kid.
Wes is a disappointment.
Like my first wife.
Cared too much.
Nature this, camping that,
"the environment is dying!"
Blah, blah, blah
I can hear the terrible words,
but all I can see is the ocean.
Avert your gaze, son.
Do you have any more coke?
I'm falling asleep here, man.
♪
Three tabs of acid, a Thai stick,
and a man-ham of mescaline.
How is he still standing?
And why do his eyes make me
want to give him all my money?
We're running out of ammo, dad.
Has anyone heard from Lidia?
♪
♪
[EXAGGERATED WAILING]
♪
[LIDIA SIGHS]
♪
[LIDIA GASPS]
NORA: Uh,
discount Grey Gardens called.
They want their wardrobe back.
[IN A WHISPER] Decent turn out.
Are people having fun?
Is the communal grief palpable?
Is the tuna dry?
Oh, God, I wish I was still
alive so I could micro-manage.
What are you even doing here anyway?
You're gonna blow your cover.
Did you find the silver bullet
that's gonna take Dick down?
[IN A WHISPER] Not just the bullet.
I found the silver arsenal.
♪
The reason I can't get dirt,
or a reservation at that spa
in palm desert, is because
it never opened!
And that's just one of
the Lonergan Developments
that never opened.
Okay, so Lonergan sucks
at opening resorts?
He uses these "builds"
as a tax write-off.
They were never intended to open.
He builds them and then
immediately declares bankruptcy.
Fraud! Super illegal!
So the new resort, ruining our family,
bulldozing the Moonshine,
is for a tax write-off?
He really is a dick!
Do you have proof?
I was given access to
the company files to upload
my designs, but I need Dick's password
to get into financials.
Right, because the biggest
jackass on the planet
is just gonna hand over his password?
[LIDIA SIGHS]
I didn't come back from
the dead for nothing, baby.
God
♪
[CROWD MURMURING AND CUTLERY CLINKING]
♪
I didn't even get to say goodbye.
BECKY: Well, you can say hello
to all the free booze.
Can't you see that I am devastated?
That's what shooters are for.
I don't drink!
I am grieving.
So much drama for some
snotty stuck-up biatch.
Oh, hey, no!
She was none of those things.
She was the only woman
who ever believed in me.
She told me that I could be
more than just a party bitch.
That I could own
and operate my own business.
She gave me my loan for my first van,
which led to my second van,
which did get repoed
because of my boyfriend,
a.k.a. her brother. But you know what?
This is about Lidia,
and she was everything.
You know what?
She's not really gone
because I am going to
carry on what she started.
I am going to become
a big-city boss babe
in her honour!
That's right,
I'm gonna reach for the stars.
So you hold onto your butts, world,
'cause Crystal Clean
is coming to Halifax!
♪
So, yea or nay on the shooters?
Jesus! I need to grieve somewhere
that doesn't smell like tuna fish!
- [SNORING]
- [BABIES CRYING]
OSCAR: Wake up, my snoozing beauty.
It's been nine hours;
There's a lot going on.
A wake you need to sell,
two screaming babies,
and the desecration
of my last moral fibre!
ANI: Rhian? Oscar?
Ani?
[BABIES CRYING]
Can someone please
tell me what's going on?
Long story.
Lidia hit the road
with her biker boy toy.
She faked her death, he got away.
- What?
- I filed the police report,
which is now just a pile of lies
Oh God, the lies!
And now Rhian won't wake up,
and I'm almost out of
breast milk, and, and
these, these puppies?
They cannot lactate! I tried!
And did I mention
Rhian is not waking up?
Okay, you mind if I go up?
[BABIES CONTINUE CRYING]
[RHIAN SNORING]
Rhian?
Rhian, I think I found
a way to save the Moonshine.
Ani?
You finally came through?
I have a plan.
Even though the scramasax wasn't real,
I was able to convince
a relic authenticator
to fudge a document to stop the build.
What?
- How?
- I took him out for dinner.
Lots of fake laughing.
And, uh, well,
if you thought I was boring
I do.
Well, so
Dick Lonergan won't
be able to build within
five miles of this place.
I can have my queendom back?
Mm-hm!
So you didn't shit
the bed after all, did ya, Ani!
Oh
♪
I can't let you do this.
Why not?
Because if you were ever found out,
you'd lose your job,
and then you would resent me.
And I would resent you
for resenting me,
and you don't want me to resent you.
Hmm. I am really glad you said that.
I really do love my career.
Also, are you okay?
[BABIES CRYING]
I don't know.
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[INDISTINCT MUSIC
PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
Hey.
Sammy, I'm so sorry.
I can't help but think this had
something to do with my father
and how he treated her,
how he treated all of you.
Uh it's not as dire as you think.
So
- Long story.
- [DICK LAUGHS IN BACKGROUND]
- DICK: Woo!
- JOJO: Shake it for me!
DICK: Another round!
I have to go.
Wait. Hey, hey wait.
If you're so against your dad,
then why don't you just stop him?
Just tell him how you feel.
He's right there.
- I can't.
- Why?
Because he'll shut me out.
I don't have anyone else right now.
♪
♪
[TENDER MUSIC]
Yeah, you do.
♪
Ahh!
Tragic, isn't it?
DICK: Yeah.
The bottom-shelf Tequila
tastes like ass.
No, I-I meant about Lidia.
Who?
The architect?
Whose designs you loved?
- The dead woman.
- Ahh!
Yeah, such, such a loss.
- Mm-hm!
- Tequila?
The sweetest word. Ah!
"Tequila!" [GIGGLES]
Do you have a favourite word?
Maybe a number?
Ooh!
Are you single?
Just kidding.
It doesn't really matter to me.
[LIDIA SHRIEKS WITH LAUGHTER]
You are a charmer!
Seriously, though, the word?
Nah, the only thing I'm serious about
is getting out of this dump.
Oh, hey, you wanna see my giant yacht?
It's not a euphemism
Unless you want it to be.
Ugh, God! What is wrong with you?
Yeah, that's right.
It's me, Dick!
Lidia Finley-Cullen.
The dead woman!
Maybe I am high.
I'm not actually dead, you idiot.
But you will be soon.
I know about your scam, Dick.
How you build resorts and then
you never open them and
Don't you bat your eyelashes
while I'm nailing you to the wall!
I have piercing blue eyes, too.
Not gonna work, bud!
Well, I was never gonna
open this resort either.
Not even for the tax break.
- Ugh!
- Not valuable enough.
- [GASPS]
- No, this one?
This one was just a bone
to throw to my useless son.
Ah, there you are!
Oh, come on, you thought I was
gonna let you screw this up
like you did that line of
eco-conscious streetwear, huh?
The "bespoke joggers"?
You intervened on that project
and we wound up in a sexual
harassment lawsuit, dad!
Oh.
You've done this to me my entire life.
Just when I'm on the verge
of having something of my own,
right, of maybe succeeding.
You can't handle anyone else
being in the spotlight,
so what do you do?
You step in and you destroy it!
I mean, come on!
What loser is going to invest
actual cash into this place
just so Joe and Josephine
who-gives-a-rats-ass
can lounge themselves on the beach for
two pathetic weeks of their vacation?
- I would.
- Yeah, whatever.
And you know, it's
a post-truth world, blondie.
And good luck linking Wesworld
with my offshore accounts.
I'm a corporate raider, you tools!
I'll Bury you in legal fees.
LIDIA: You really are the biggest dick
I've ever met in my life.
DICK: Yeah!
I'm long Dick Lonergan, baby!
I take whatever I want, when I want.
And that includes
your stupid little black pill.
That didn't even take me down.
I feel nothing!
I wouldn't have done that
if I were you.
Well, you're not me,
and that's too bad because
[VOICE ECHOES] I am awesome!
- [ECHOING LAUGH]
- [PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
[VOICE ECHOES]
Are you okay there, Dick?
[VOICE ECHOES] Ahh
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
[VOICE ECHOES] Ahh
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
[PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
[DICK LAUGHING]
♪
♪
one step beyond! ♪
["ONE STEP BEYOND" BY MADNESS PLAYING]
Whoa ho-ho-ho!
♪
♪
Is he circumcising himself?
LIDIA: Well, as a bona fide
jewess, I'd have to say
he's doing it wrong!
Yeah!
Woo!
I'm the biggest dick in the universe!
CROWD: [CHANTING] Lick the dick!
Lick the dick! Lick the dick!
Lick the dick!
Lick the dick! Lick the dick!
Lick the dick!
Lick the dick! Lick the dick!
Lick the dick!
Lick the dick! Lick the dick!
Lick the dick!
NORA: Come on, buddy!
SAMMY: Guys, good news.
Dick has gone viral.
The trolls are having a field day.
Eugh
A few weeks of pain and then
watch him get some big TV deal.
Also, um, why did it seem like
no one cared that I was gone?
There was more emotion
around the 2-for-1 draft.
Did the death of a sort-of-middle-aged
single mother seriously
only deserve five minutes
before the next viral disaster?
ELEANOR: Well, maybe it's
because there's so many of us.
You lose one Finley-Cullen,
there's always ten more.
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
♪
You're alive!
I am alive!
Oh!
You're still alive!
LIDIA: I missed you too!
I matter! I matter.
♪
NEWS: [VIDEO] Billionaire
developer Richard Lonergan
was filmed dressed like
a phallus, screaming that
he, quote, "wants to
'expletive' the world,"
end quote, at the family
campground named the Moonshine,
which, to be honest,
I'd like to check out.
Lonergan Developments' stock
prices dropped temporarily,
but are now soaring
past pre-HR disaster levels.
DICK: [VIDEO] I am long Dick Lonergan!
Ugh
[GASPS]
His frat name that's it!
Oh!
♪
Long
Dick
Lonergan.
Oh, yes! Okay.
♪
There we go.
Finance.
[GASPS]
[MOUTHS WORDS] Oh my God!
[CACKLES]
I've got you by the dick, dongergan!
[LAUGHS]
Don't be sad, Neil.
I'll be back soon.
JILL: I'm not usually the type
for sun-up rendezvous,
but I guess, for you,
I could make an exception.
Oh, I see.
I'm going to Florida.
To get my woman.
Is that why you called me here?
I just wanted to see
your face when I told you
that if you were the last
cribbage player on earth,
after what you've done to my
family and tried to do to me
Never, ever happen again.
Is that so?
Get off my property.
Leave my family alone.
♪
♪
♪
[CAR DOOR SLAMS AND ENGINE STARTS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[WAVES ROLLING]
♪
♪
[DICK GROANS]
[BOTTLE OPENS]
[WAVES ROLLING]
I'd be lying if I said
I remembered what happened.
[CHUCKLES]
You couldn't even remember my name.
And did we?
Oh, no. No, no!
Though you did try to
screw almost everyone else.
And succeeded,
with an inflatable lobster.
[CHUCKLES]
Still somehow
came out richer in the end.
[SIGHS] Lonergan stock prices are up.
You're a meme.
Congrats.
Huh!
Well, that's the way the world works.
What's it all for, Dick?
This trail of empty hotels
and shattered lives.
I mean, your own son
wants nothing to do with you.
Well, men can have kids till they die.
Maybe I'll squeeze out a do-over.
[LIDIA SCOFFS]
Ugh, God!
I spent my entire career getting
suckered by men like you!
Guys who screw up over and over
and still come out on top.
When a woman makes one or two
Maybe a few dozen mistakes [SIGHS]
she needs to reinvent.
Every goddamn time.
You know what?
Not anymore.
I have the files, dick.
Three decades of fraud.
All the evidence needed
for the nice folks
at the tax department
to take you down.
Leave the Moonshine alone
or die in jail.
Wow.
Hot and ruthless.
I don't suppose
you'd want a job for real.
Men like you have
no use for women like me.
Can't make you money.
Too old and smart to screw.
Anyway
♪
I'm spoken for.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[BIRD CALLING]
[BABIES BABBLING]
Is this really the best
picture we could find?
What happened to my slideshow idea?
Maybe with a little Sarah McLachlan?
Oh, come on!
The sun is shining.
[SIGHS HAPPILY]
I'm still alive,
and so is the Moonshine.
RHIAN: For now.
Yeah, we're still broke,
unemployed, aging rapidly
RHIAN: Well, I feel great.
I had a nap,
I feel rested
And I had an epiphany.
Oh, God!
I need help.
Yeah, we've been saying that
for years, psycho.
"Having it all" doesn't feel
like I thought it would.
I mean, sure, my life
looks perfect from the outside,
being a mom, a partner,
FCBA president, a career woman.
And don't get me wrong,
I could do it all alone, but
uh, honey bear, standing right here
What are you saying, Rhian?
I want the three of us to be partners.
Run the Moonshine together.
NORA: Like us? As in us?
Mm-hm!
LIDIA: Yeah.
I mean, I know I've been fighting it,
but maybe everything
I need is right here.
Other than a pedicure;
I need that, like, yesterday.
RHIAN: But just to be clear,
when I say "together,"
I'm still the one in charge.
Right. What could possibly go wrong?
Ah, looks like somebody
got back together
with his luv-ah!
SAMMY: Um
Has anyone checked
our bank statements today?
Why bother? We're broke.
Check again!
LIDIA: Five million dollars?!
- Yeah!
- [LAUGHTER]
What?!
WES: It's from my dad.
I don't know what
you said to him, Lidia,
but he wants to become a seasonal.
And this is his
non-refundable deposit.
What?!
[ALL CHEERING]
[SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
Ha-ha!
♪
["I'LL BE AROUND"
BY THE SPINNERS PLAYING]
♪
This is our fork in the road ♪
♪
Love's last episode
RYAN: Come on, Neil!
There's nowhere to go, oh no ♪
you made your choice ♪
[CHEERING]
Now it's up to me ♪
to bow out gracefully ♪
though you hold the key, but baby ♪
whenever you call me,
I'll be there ♪
whenever you want me,
I'll be there ♪
[POLICE SIREN CHIRPS]
Whenever you need me,
I'll be there ♪
I'll be around
Uh [CLEARS THROAT]
Uh
OSCAR: Moira
I-I swear I didn't know
Lidia was actually alive
when I filed that
police report, and
and the teeth looked very real!
Do I look like a frickin' dentist?
Is it Terry?
Actually, yeah.
In return for his job back,
Officer Gallagher confirmed
a tip we just received.
The skull that was
discovered last week
It's been ided.
Jimmy Murphy. Your biological father.
[IN A WHISPER]
They're gonna arrest mom.
MOIRA: Anyone here
happen to be a murderer?
♪
Babe!
NORA: Yep
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
Nora (V.O.): Previously on Moonshine
NORA: The only reason
you did any of this
is to make yourself feel better
because everybody hates you!
Lidia?
NORA: She's gone and she's left us
to clean up this family nightmare.
LIDIA: I am with you, all in.
RHIAN: Are you worried you might
be pregnant with Satan's spawn?
I'm worried I might have cancer!
GALE: Small-town cops are nothing
compared to the Marauders.
They got eyes and ears everywhere.
[MAN GROANS]
NORA: I realized having
a little bit of Lidia in me
wasn't such a bad thing.
[CRASH AND EXPLOSION]
♪
NORA: There's no decorative
pillow for this one, folks.
♪
We'll meet again ♪
don't know where, don't know when ♪
but I know we'll meet
again some sunny day ♪
♪
Keep smiling through ♪
just like you always do ♪
till the blue skies
chase the dark clouds ♪
far away ♪
KEN: So will you please say hello ♪
to the folks that I know ♪
tell them that I won't be long ♪
they'll be happy to know ♪
when you saw me go ♪
I was singing this song ♪
♪
NORA: We'll meet again ♪
don't know where, don't know when ♪
but I know we'll meet
again some sunny day ♪
♪
SAMMY: So won't you
please say hello ♪
to the folks that I know ♪
tell them I won't be long ♪
LIDIA: They'll be happy to know ♪
that when you saw me go ♪
I was singing this song ♪
♪
We'll meet again ♪
don't know where, don't know when ♪
but I know we'll meet
again some sunny day ♪
but I know we'll meet again ♪
some sunny day ♪
[WAVES ROLLING OUTSIDE]
["BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"
BY APRIL WINE PLAYING]
This is my life, my life ♪
this is my life, this is my life ♪
this is my life, my life ♪
[CASH REGISTER BEEPS]
Please, say something.
It's still warm.
I know what Lidia would say.
What are the chances
we'd come into this diner
at the exact moment they pulled
their apple pie out of the oven?
No.
She'd ask why you'd
demand to stop for apple pie
after you just watched
her drive off a cliff.
Don't judge me, I'm grieving!
And this is a very good pie.
She's gone.
"Gone" gone,
like, "I could smell
burning hair" gone.
I've dreamt of this
moment my entire life.
Fantasized about every detail,
including the burning hair,
but in my imagination
it was always a party!
It had to have been
an accident, right?
Do you think it was
road head gone wrong?
What if it wasn't an accident?
Lidia knew we loved her, right?
We wanted her to come back.
We said so.
Didn't we?
My last words to her were,
"want a baby back?"
And I didn't even mean it.
I wasn't gonna share my ribs.
Never got to say goodbye.
Hm
Now there's nothing left of her.
There's one thing.
Her dry shampoo.
♪
♪
I guess I'm the hot sister now.
Are you serious?
You had really great hair,
and you could charm like no one else,
and
I love you, Lidia.
Dammit, I loved you!
Your turn.
[CLEARS THROAT] Okay, um
I never thought you'd
be the one to go first.
I really, really, really
assumed it would be me.
Screw you, Lidia.
What am I supposed to do without you?
♪
[SLURPING DRINK]
- What the hell?!
- Aww!
You guys wuv me!
You bitch!
Mmm!
- [LAUGHS]
- Mmm!
♪
[SEAGULLS CALLING IN DISTANCE]
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[PHONE BUZZING]
[SIGHS]
[FOGHORN BLOWS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
DICK: This place looks like
Martha's vineyard's
trashy cousin.
WES: Why are you here, dad?
Because you haven't
returned my calls in a week.
On the phone that I pay for.
I have nothing to say to you.
Why haven't you started construction?
There's been a complication.
Lidia died last night.
Who's Lidia?
Our lead architect.
Her family owns the Moonshine.
God, the resort you want to bulldoze!
And she didn't find that
to be a conflict of interest?
[SCOFFS]
Dad, we can't start construction
when our lead architect just died.
Oh, wanna bet?
♪
Ow!
I feel like killing you
all over again!
Can we not go back to the part
where you were happy I was alive?
No, and damn you for
making me feel things!
Although I am relieved I don't
have to take care of your brats.
I don't like orphans.
They're so needy.
How are you not dead?
Because we saw you burn!
Look, we only had one option
after that biker spotted Gale
at the roadhouse.
There was a bounty on our heads.
A bounty, eh?
How much we talkin'?
Look, it wasn't enough
for us to disappear.
We had to die.
- [GUNSHOTS]
- LIDIA: Whoa, God!
Is that biker shooting at us?!
Eeh, yeah
Uh, okay, okay, okay, stay calm.
Time for plan b.
- [GUNSHOT]
- Aah, God!
- Where'd you get that?
- What?
It's at the hardware store.
It's just lighter fluid.
Not that! The teeth, the teeth!
Ah, yeah! No, I got a guy.
RHIAN: Did you get his number?
- Who?
- Gale's teeth guy!
Do you know how hard it is to
find human teeth in a pinch?
Ew.
- [GUNSHOT]
- [LIDIA SCREAMS]
Just turn off the road
up here, up here.
This'll buy us time.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
♪
Leave it running.
[PANICKED BREATHING]
Oh my God.
Uh, what are you doing?
What is that?
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- Gale, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
- Uh
- GALE: Here we go.
LIDIA: Uh
- Oh!
- [CAR DRIVES OFF]
LIDIA: Okay
Wow, if that was, uh, plan b,
I'd hate to see what plan c is.
It'll blow up. They'll think it's us.
I got another car waiting, okay?
- Yeah.
- Lidia, we gotta move!
I
No, I can't.
I can't I can't
leave my kids, Gale.
I'm sorry
This is goodbye.
♪
♪
[CRASH AND EXPLOSION IN DISTANCE]
♪
[SIRENS IN DISTANCE]
[SIRENS GETTING LOUDER]
NORA: Wait, so you didn't bone
in the woods one last time?
Ugh, it was pretty anti-climactic
if I'm being honest. And that kiss
Like a dead fish.
- Eugh.
- Chapped lips.
And then he was just
Gone.
RHIAN: Well, this solves
none of our problems.
Our home being turned into
a parking lot, ring any bells?
Yes.
Which is why I have
a plan to buy us time.
Well, hot tip: Don't use a skull
that implicates our mother for murder.
Okay, I didn't see you
coming up with anything better!
So what's your plan?
I
Am going to stay dead.
♪
♪
LIDIA: Dick Lonergan can't,
in good conscience,
destroy our family home
while you're still in mourning.
You're assuming he has a conscience.
And how long does a "death
in the family" buy us, anyway?
Well, in the Jewish tradition,
sitting Shiva takes seven days.
- Who's Jewish?
- I'm Jewish!
I converted for Daniel
when we got married.
Daniel's Jewish?
Not to brag,
but the rabbi said my Hebrew
was so flawless he
swore I was born in Israel.
Baruch hashem, bitches!
Okay, okay, so you are Jewish
and we have seven days
to do what exactly?
Ha! "We"?
Let's just cut to the part
where this all lands on me
- like it always does.
- SAMMY: Hey!
Okay, so I told the rest of the family
that you aren't really dead
but they should still
pretend that you are.
- Good.
- And in other random things
I hoped I'd never say,
Wes's dad is at
the fish and chips shack,
complaining that our coleslaw
tastes like farts.
Dick Lonergan is here?
At the Moonshine?
He doesn't think
Wes is moving fast enough.
He wants to bulldoze our asses,
like yesterday.
Okay.
You know what, guys?
This is my problem
And I will solve it.
You just focus on mourning me.
Oh, God.
Throwing me the Shiva of the century!
I'm thinking blush peony garlands,
tasteful gold accents
oh, maybe a wistful slideshow?
And to really sell it,
you might want to imagine
the pain of my absence.
The the devastation
of life without me.
The sheer living nightmare
it would be for each of you
♪
The hell?
Feel free to use any
or all of that in my eulogy!
[SIGHS]
OSCAR: Rhian!
How are you holding up, my pet?
Can I get you anything?
Oh, I still can't
believe Lidia's gone!
Oh, I've been gone too. I'm so behind.
I need to pump, check the bookings,
fix the plumbing in cabin eight
oh, no, you're just in shock, my love.
- You need time to grieve.
- Oh.
Lidia's not dead.
Wait, what?!
[YAWNING] Oh, yeah, no, she faked it,
to crush Dick Lonergan
and stop the build.
Yeah, but I filed
an official police report.
We found teeth!
Gale has a guy.
Oscar, you can't tell anyone.
It's a stupid idea that won't work,
but I need you
to at least try to sell this.
With deceit?
Illegal, "I will never get
my new career back" deceit?
Are you a Finley-Cullen or not?
Don't answer that.
Ah, I'm gonna lie down,
for two minutes, okay?
And then you can answer that.
♪
- Babe!
- [MUFFLED] Ahh
♪
LIDIA: We have seven days
to find something scandalous
to bring him to his knees.
FINN: Okay. Um
Okay, "tycoon fabricates
prenup in nasty divorce"?
ELEANOR: A divorce ten years ago?
That's not exactly
the dead hooker we need.
"Lonergan linked to deceased
sex worker in Reno hotel"?
- Ooh!
- No, acquitted.
Oh, God, who am I kidding?
Guys like Lonergan always have fixers.
And this asshole
seems especially slippery.
Nothing sticks.
Okay, so he has another
resort in palm Springs,
desert villa spa,
and there's a bunch of
travel articles about it,
but when I click it,
it says "unavailable."
I could keep digging,
but it's gonna take me a while
- to find the good stuff.
- Ugh, time we don't have.
Crap, we need to figure out
how to keep him occupied
while I build a case.
How are we gonna amuse
a five-star billionaire
- at a two-star campground?
- Ugh!
"Lonergan arrested for drug
possession at the Met Gala."
Baller.
♪
Ahh!
Looks like old Dickie likes to partay!
["BATTLE WITHOUT HONOR OR HUMANITY"]
[BY TOMOYASU HOTEI PLAYING]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
Moonshine good time
concierge at your service.
DICK: Ooh!
Come to papa!
[DICK CHUCKLES]
♪
CRYSTAL: Are you sure
it's okay if I crash
- at your trailer this weekend?
- Yes, bitch!
Once a party bitch,
always a party bitch.
Party bitches for life!
- Woo!
- [GIGGLES]
BECKY: Well, that is
until three years ago
when you stopped returning
our calls and texts.
CRYSTAL: I know, I am sorry.
When I got sober,
my sponsor said it was important
to remove temptation
And your numbers from my phone.
No offence!
So, are you and Ryan "done" done?
Or are you doing that thing
where you stop giving him BJs
for a day so he realizes
how much he loves you?
Oh, we're not done;
I just thought
that I would take a weekend,
just to pay a visit to
the woman I was without a man.
- Cool!
- [TEXT NOTIFICATION]
BECKY: Damn!
One of the Finley-Cullen
sisters drove off a cliff?
I guess this is, like,
her funeral or something.
What?! What? Let me see that!
[GASPS]
♪
It's Lidia!
So, what is this?
Skunky college hash and speed?
KEN: Yeah, but there's also
some medical-grade MDMA,
some GHB,
and an eight-ball of coke
I found in a paddleboat
just last week.
RYAN: Turns out drug users
are super forgetful.
DICK: Hmm.
- What's in here?
- Oof, bad Betty.
One of the only ten
produced in a lab in Croatia
Or was it Schenectady?
RYAN: Either way, it comes from hell.
Dad won it in a cribbage game.
- Tell me more.
- Never tried it.
Some trips you can't
come back from, Dick.
Step aside, David Crosby.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Off limits, even to my enemies.
The Moonshine may be the wild west,
but I still know
how to spell liability, cowboy.
Crushing legal action.
Well, now you're speaking my language.
Your eyes are mesmerizing.
I should look away,
but I don't want to.
You wouldn't be the first one.
Or the last one.
KEN: It's like looking into
two sparkling sapphires,
deep azure lagoons of
[CASE CLICKS SHUT]
KEN: Oh, why don't we, uh
start with something
a little more mellow, friend?
I don't mind if I doobie-doobie-do.
♪
♪
[DEEP EXHALATION]
[LAUGHS]
♪
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
WOMAN: I'm so sorry.
You don't even seem sad.
- [EXAGGERATED SOB]
- MAN: My condolences.
[ELEANOR SCOFFS]
ANI: Finn, El.
I came as soon as I heard.
I am so, so sorry.
ELEANOR: Yeah,
I think I'm still in shock.
Way to sell it, Ani.
FINN: Life will never be the same.
- Oh, God! [CRYING]
- Sell what?
ANI: "Free booze"?
[FINN SOBBING]
Oh, God.
Mommy
[EXAGGERATED SOB]
Mommy!
Oh my God
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
LIDIA: Gary, hey!
My favourite tax accountant!
Yes, yes, I know, I've been MIA.
Just like my bank account! [LAUGHS]
Question, hypothetical, of course:
Why would a really rich dude
build resorts and then find
excuses to never open them?
♪
Mm-hm
Right.
♪
Thanks, Gary.
Oh
I know what you did, Dick.
You dick!
Ugh!
♪
Password, password, password
[KEYBOARD TAPPING]
[BUZZING SOUND]
[KEYBOARD TAPPING]
[BUZZING SOUND]
[SIGHS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
BECKY & JOJO: Party bitches, woo!
SAMMY: Wow, someone wins
"best dead sister face."
Shut up, this is real.
I'm in mourning.
Over what?
My relationship with Wes?
Me.
Did you get your biopsy results?
Yeah, it's bad.
- Cancer?
- Worse.
The doctor says that I have to
quit smoking and drinking
and cut down on my random HPV
sex so that I don't get cancer.
Better than being dead?
Is it?
It's funny, dying in
the place you were born.
The shore club.
I started sneaking into this place
when I was 12 years old.
Had my first shot at this bar.
Bummed my first dart right there.
Did you know my first job
was as a booker for this place?
Dad thought it would
keep me out of trouble.
Tell that to the divorced father
of two I took to prom.
[SAMMY CHUCKLES] Oh my God.
Here I am, almost-cancer survivor,
virtually unemployed, probably single,
and unable to smoke.
Sounds to me like
the beginning of a new chapter.
So many amazing bands
used to pass through here,
and a real booker
could restore this place to
Sort-of glory?
♪
♪
DICK: I wish I'd known her. She's hot.
You did know her
she worked for you!
And she was really excited
about those designs
until you used them
to destroy our family home.
Well, it's mighty big of you
to party with me at her funeral.
I mean, given the circumstances.
Come on, let me buy you a drink.
No, I'm actually sober.
Uh, it's a long, weird story.
I thought quitting drinking
would help me become
more successful, but it turns out
I'm just as big of a screw-up
as when I was a drunk.
How does a man even get successful?
Is it the eyes?
You want my advice?
Take life by the balls.
Squeeze 'em, hard as you can.
Squeezing seems like it would hurt.
Success is a staircase.
The people are the steps.
Something my son doesn't understand.
I don't like what he's done
or how he's doing it,
but Wes seems like a nice kid.
Wes is a disappointment.
Like my first wife.
Cared too much.
Nature this, camping that,
"the environment is dying!"
Blah, blah, blah
I can hear the terrible words,
but all I can see is the ocean.
Avert your gaze, son.
Do you have any more coke?
I'm falling asleep here, man.
♪
Three tabs of acid, a Thai stick,
and a man-ham of mescaline.
How is he still standing?
And why do his eyes make me
want to give him all my money?
We're running out of ammo, dad.
Has anyone heard from Lidia?
♪
♪
[EXAGGERATED WAILING]
♪
[LIDIA SIGHS]
♪
[LIDIA GASPS]
NORA: Uh,
discount Grey Gardens called.
They want their wardrobe back.
[IN A WHISPER] Decent turn out.
Are people having fun?
Is the communal grief palpable?
Is the tuna dry?
Oh, God, I wish I was still
alive so I could micro-manage.
What are you even doing here anyway?
You're gonna blow your cover.
Did you find the silver bullet
that's gonna take Dick down?
[IN A WHISPER] Not just the bullet.
I found the silver arsenal.
♪
The reason I can't get dirt,
or a reservation at that spa
in palm desert, is because
it never opened!
And that's just one of
the Lonergan Developments
that never opened.
Okay, so Lonergan sucks
at opening resorts?
He uses these "builds"
as a tax write-off.
They were never intended to open.
He builds them and then
immediately declares bankruptcy.
Fraud! Super illegal!
So the new resort, ruining our family,
bulldozing the Moonshine,
is for a tax write-off?
He really is a dick!
Do you have proof?
I was given access to
the company files to upload
my designs, but I need Dick's password
to get into financials.
Right, because the biggest
jackass on the planet
is just gonna hand over his password?
[LIDIA SIGHS]
I didn't come back from
the dead for nothing, baby.
God
♪
[CROWD MURMURING AND CUTLERY CLINKING]
♪
I didn't even get to say goodbye.
BECKY: Well, you can say hello
to all the free booze.
Can't you see that I am devastated?
That's what shooters are for.
I don't drink!
I am grieving.
So much drama for some
snotty stuck-up biatch.
Oh, hey, no!
She was none of those things.
She was the only woman
who ever believed in me.
She told me that I could be
more than just a party bitch.
That I could own
and operate my own business.
She gave me my loan for my first van,
which led to my second van,
which did get repoed
because of my boyfriend,
a.k.a. her brother. But you know what?
This is about Lidia,
and she was everything.
You know what?
She's not really gone
because I am going to
carry on what she started.
I am going to become
a big-city boss babe
in her honour!
That's right,
I'm gonna reach for the stars.
So you hold onto your butts, world,
'cause Crystal Clean
is coming to Halifax!
♪
So, yea or nay on the shooters?
Jesus! I need to grieve somewhere
that doesn't smell like tuna fish!
- [SNORING]
- [BABIES CRYING]
OSCAR: Wake up, my snoozing beauty.
It's been nine hours;
There's a lot going on.
A wake you need to sell,
two screaming babies,
and the desecration
of my last moral fibre!
ANI: Rhian? Oscar?
Ani?
[BABIES CRYING]
Can someone please
tell me what's going on?
Long story.
Lidia hit the road
with her biker boy toy.
She faked her death, he got away.
- What?
- I filed the police report,
which is now just a pile of lies
Oh God, the lies!
And now Rhian won't wake up,
and I'm almost out of
breast milk, and, and
these, these puppies?
They cannot lactate! I tried!
And did I mention
Rhian is not waking up?
Okay, you mind if I go up?
[BABIES CONTINUE CRYING]
[RHIAN SNORING]
Rhian?
Rhian, I think I found
a way to save the Moonshine.
Ani?
You finally came through?
I have a plan.
Even though the scramasax wasn't real,
I was able to convince
a relic authenticator
to fudge a document to stop the build.
What?
- How?
- I took him out for dinner.
Lots of fake laughing.
And, uh, well,
if you thought I was boring
I do.
Well, so
Dick Lonergan won't
be able to build within
five miles of this place.
I can have my queendom back?
Mm-hm!
So you didn't shit
the bed after all, did ya, Ani!
Oh
♪
I can't let you do this.
Why not?
Because if you were ever found out,
you'd lose your job,
and then you would resent me.
And I would resent you
for resenting me,
and you don't want me to resent you.
Hmm. I am really glad you said that.
I really do love my career.
Also, are you okay?
[BABIES CRYING]
I don't know.
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[INDISTINCT MUSIC
PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
Hey.
Sammy, I'm so sorry.
I can't help but think this had
something to do with my father
and how he treated her,
how he treated all of you.
Uh it's not as dire as you think.
So
- Long story.
- [DICK LAUGHS IN BACKGROUND]
- DICK: Woo!
- JOJO: Shake it for me!
DICK: Another round!
I have to go.
Wait. Hey, hey wait.
If you're so against your dad,
then why don't you just stop him?
Just tell him how you feel.
He's right there.
- I can't.
- Why?
Because he'll shut me out.
I don't have anyone else right now.
♪
♪
[TENDER MUSIC]
Yeah, you do.
♪
Ahh!
Tragic, isn't it?
DICK: Yeah.
The bottom-shelf Tequila
tastes like ass.
No, I-I meant about Lidia.
Who?
The architect?
Whose designs you loved?
- The dead woman.
- Ahh!
Yeah, such, such a loss.
- Mm-hm!
- Tequila?
The sweetest word. Ah!
"Tequila!" [GIGGLES]
Do you have a favourite word?
Maybe a number?
Ooh!
Are you single?
Just kidding.
It doesn't really matter to me.
[LIDIA SHRIEKS WITH LAUGHTER]
You are a charmer!
Seriously, though, the word?
Nah, the only thing I'm serious about
is getting out of this dump.
Oh, hey, you wanna see my giant yacht?
It's not a euphemism
Unless you want it to be.
Ugh, God! What is wrong with you?
Yeah, that's right.
It's me, Dick!
Lidia Finley-Cullen.
The dead woman!
Maybe I am high.
I'm not actually dead, you idiot.
But you will be soon.
I know about your scam, Dick.
How you build resorts and then
you never open them and
Don't you bat your eyelashes
while I'm nailing you to the wall!
I have piercing blue eyes, too.
Not gonna work, bud!
Well, I was never gonna
open this resort either.
Not even for the tax break.
- Ugh!
- Not valuable enough.
- [GASPS]
- No, this one?
This one was just a bone
to throw to my useless son.
Ah, there you are!
Oh, come on, you thought I was
gonna let you screw this up
like you did that line of
eco-conscious streetwear, huh?
The "bespoke joggers"?
You intervened on that project
and we wound up in a sexual
harassment lawsuit, dad!
Oh.
You've done this to me my entire life.
Just when I'm on the verge
of having something of my own,
right, of maybe succeeding.
You can't handle anyone else
being in the spotlight,
so what do you do?
You step in and you destroy it!
I mean, come on!
What loser is going to invest
actual cash into this place
just so Joe and Josephine
who-gives-a-rats-ass
can lounge themselves on the beach for
two pathetic weeks of their vacation?
- I would.
- Yeah, whatever.
And you know, it's
a post-truth world, blondie.
And good luck linking Wesworld
with my offshore accounts.
I'm a corporate raider, you tools!
I'll Bury you in legal fees.
LIDIA: You really are the biggest dick
I've ever met in my life.
DICK: Yeah!
I'm long Dick Lonergan, baby!
I take whatever I want, when I want.
And that includes
your stupid little black pill.
That didn't even take me down.
I feel nothing!
I wouldn't have done that
if I were you.
Well, you're not me,
and that's too bad because
[VOICE ECHOES] I am awesome!
- [ECHOING LAUGH]
- [PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
[VOICE ECHOES]
Are you okay there, Dick?
[VOICE ECHOES] Ahh
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
[VOICE ECHOES] Ahh
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
[PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
[DICK LAUGHING]
♪
♪
one step beyond! ♪
["ONE STEP BEYOND" BY MADNESS PLAYING]
Whoa ho-ho-ho!
♪
♪
Is he circumcising himself?
LIDIA: Well, as a bona fide
jewess, I'd have to say
he's doing it wrong!
Yeah!
Woo!
I'm the biggest dick in the universe!
CROWD: [CHANTING] Lick the dick!
Lick the dick! Lick the dick!
Lick the dick!
Lick the dick! Lick the dick!
Lick the dick!
Lick the dick! Lick the dick!
Lick the dick!
Lick the dick! Lick the dick!
Lick the dick!
NORA: Come on, buddy!
SAMMY: Guys, good news.
Dick has gone viral.
The trolls are having a field day.
Eugh
A few weeks of pain and then
watch him get some big TV deal.
Also, um, why did it seem like
no one cared that I was gone?
There was more emotion
around the 2-for-1 draft.
Did the death of a sort-of-middle-aged
single mother seriously
only deserve five minutes
before the next viral disaster?
ELEANOR: Well, maybe it's
because there's so many of us.
You lose one Finley-Cullen,
there's always ten more.
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
♪
You're alive!
I am alive!
Oh!
You're still alive!
LIDIA: I missed you too!
I matter! I matter.
♪
NEWS: [VIDEO] Billionaire
developer Richard Lonergan
was filmed dressed like
a phallus, screaming that
he, quote, "wants to
'expletive' the world,"
end quote, at the family
campground named the Moonshine,
which, to be honest,
I'd like to check out.
Lonergan Developments' stock
prices dropped temporarily,
but are now soaring
past pre-HR disaster levels.
DICK: [VIDEO] I am long Dick Lonergan!
Ugh
[GASPS]
His frat name that's it!
Oh!
♪
Long
Dick
Lonergan.
Oh, yes! Okay.
♪
There we go.
Finance.
[GASPS]
[MOUTHS WORDS] Oh my God!
[CACKLES]
I've got you by the dick, dongergan!
[LAUGHS]
Don't be sad, Neil.
I'll be back soon.
JILL: I'm not usually the type
for sun-up rendezvous,
but I guess, for you,
I could make an exception.
Oh, I see.
I'm going to Florida.
To get my woman.
Is that why you called me here?
I just wanted to see
your face when I told you
that if you were the last
cribbage player on earth,
after what you've done to my
family and tried to do to me
Never, ever happen again.
Is that so?
Get off my property.
Leave my family alone.
♪
♪
♪
[CAR DOOR SLAMS AND ENGINE STARTS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[WAVES ROLLING]
♪
♪
[DICK GROANS]
[BOTTLE OPENS]
[WAVES ROLLING]
I'd be lying if I said
I remembered what happened.
[CHUCKLES]
You couldn't even remember my name.
And did we?
Oh, no. No, no!
Though you did try to
screw almost everyone else.
And succeeded,
with an inflatable lobster.
[CHUCKLES]
Still somehow
came out richer in the end.
[SIGHS] Lonergan stock prices are up.
You're a meme.
Congrats.
Huh!
Well, that's the way the world works.
What's it all for, Dick?
This trail of empty hotels
and shattered lives.
I mean, your own son
wants nothing to do with you.
Well, men can have kids till they die.
Maybe I'll squeeze out a do-over.
[LIDIA SCOFFS]
Ugh, God!
I spent my entire career getting
suckered by men like you!
Guys who screw up over and over
and still come out on top.
When a woman makes one or two
Maybe a few dozen mistakes [SIGHS]
she needs to reinvent.
Every goddamn time.
You know what?
Not anymore.
I have the files, dick.
Three decades of fraud.
All the evidence needed
for the nice folks
at the tax department
to take you down.
Leave the Moonshine alone
or die in jail.
Wow.
Hot and ruthless.
I don't suppose
you'd want a job for real.
Men like you have
no use for women like me.
Can't make you money.
Too old and smart to screw.
Anyway
♪
I'm spoken for.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[BIRD CALLING]
[BABIES BABBLING]
Is this really the best
picture we could find?
What happened to my slideshow idea?
Maybe with a little Sarah McLachlan?
Oh, come on!
The sun is shining.
[SIGHS HAPPILY]
I'm still alive,
and so is the Moonshine.
RHIAN: For now.
Yeah, we're still broke,
unemployed, aging rapidly
RHIAN: Well, I feel great.
I had a nap,
I feel rested
And I had an epiphany.
Oh, God!
I need help.
Yeah, we've been saying that
for years, psycho.
"Having it all" doesn't feel
like I thought it would.
I mean, sure, my life
looks perfect from the outside,
being a mom, a partner,
FCBA president, a career woman.
And don't get me wrong,
I could do it all alone, but
uh, honey bear, standing right here
What are you saying, Rhian?
I want the three of us to be partners.
Run the Moonshine together.
NORA: Like us? As in us?
Mm-hm!
LIDIA: Yeah.
I mean, I know I've been fighting it,
but maybe everything
I need is right here.
Other than a pedicure;
I need that, like, yesterday.
RHIAN: But just to be clear,
when I say "together,"
I'm still the one in charge.
Right. What could possibly go wrong?
Ah, looks like somebody
got back together
with his luv-ah!
SAMMY: Um
Has anyone checked
our bank statements today?
Why bother? We're broke.
Check again!
LIDIA: Five million dollars?!
- Yeah!
- [LAUGHTER]
What?!
WES: It's from my dad.
I don't know what
you said to him, Lidia,
but he wants to become a seasonal.
And this is his
non-refundable deposit.
What?!
[ALL CHEERING]
[SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
Ha-ha!
♪
["I'LL BE AROUND"
BY THE SPINNERS PLAYING]
♪
This is our fork in the road ♪
♪
Love's last episode
RYAN: Come on, Neil!
There's nowhere to go, oh no ♪
you made your choice ♪
[CHEERING]
Now it's up to me ♪
to bow out gracefully ♪
though you hold the key, but baby ♪
whenever you call me,
I'll be there ♪
whenever you want me,
I'll be there ♪
[POLICE SIREN CHIRPS]
Whenever you need me,
I'll be there ♪
I'll be around
Uh [CLEARS THROAT]
Uh
OSCAR: Moira
I-I swear I didn't know
Lidia was actually alive
when I filed that
police report, and
and the teeth looked very real!
Do I look like a frickin' dentist?
Is it Terry?
Actually, yeah.
In return for his job back,
Officer Gallagher confirmed
a tip we just received.
The skull that was
discovered last week
It's been ided.
Jimmy Murphy. Your biological father.
[IN A WHISPER]
They're gonna arrest mom.
MOIRA: Anyone here
happen to be a murderer?
♪
Babe!
NORA: Yep
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪