Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (2003) s01e05 Episode Script
The Couples Show
ANNOUNCER: What are these couples running from? They're not, they're running to a special couples only edition of MXC, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge.
Will our competition turn today's battling couples upside down? Will they stay in sync, or just sink? Or will they fall out of love as their relationships hit the wall? We'll find out with two men who know the ins outs of extreme coupling, Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Woo-hoo.
You can smell the love in the air.
VIC ROMANO: That's the pungent odor of amore.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Smells like your car.
VIC ROMANO: Ha, enough foreplay Kenny.
Let's go to Guy.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh, merci, Vicki.
I'll be talking to our couples as they go to the mat and bang each other up in such irresistible games as Plank Spanker, um, The Rotating Surfboard of Death, uh Irritable Bowl Syndrome.
Then there's Wall Bugger.
And of course my favorite, Big Brass Balls.
And now to the captain.
Yoo-hoo.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: How many of you know what it takes to be a couple? Touching, hugging, smooching.
The long walks on the beach, hmm? [CROWD NOISE.]
You two didn't raise your hand, what's the problem.
MAN: Well, she doesn't like romance, uh, she just likes rough sex.
[LAUGHTER.]
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Whoa, whoa, slow down.
I'm gonna need some awkward personal details.
Share with me.
MAN: [OVERLAP.]
Okay um, well I mean, usually she's on top, and I got nothing to say about it, and [OVERLAP.]
[LAUGHTER.]
it's scary.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Whoa, hey, hey, be a man.
MAN: Thanks Captain.
[LAUGHTER.]
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: You know, the Captain's had hundreds of successful relationships.
And the key to being a good lover is patience, and being a good listener.
Or maybe it's just having a clean hot tub.
Let's go.
VIC ROMANO: That's good hot tub advice, Ken.
Remember, no hijinks without hygiene.
Tell us about our first game, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: The object of Plank Spankers is to take off simultaneously across the wet spot, without popping wood.
VIC ROMANO: And of course, you want to try to finish together.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: Here's George and Marsha Fuller, high school sweethearts.
MARSHA FULLER: Good luck.
VIC ROMANO: Soulmates, best friends, nothing's gonna tear these two apart, Kenny.
Look at the team work already, anticipating each other's moves.
MARSHA FULLER: Ow.
GEORGE FULLER: Stupid bitch.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
.
And here's Roland and Debby Green.
There's is a workplace romance.
She's a human resources psychologist, and he's a disgruntled employee.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And look at 'em go.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, wouldn't want to be in that office on Monday.
TONYA TRIPLELUTZ: And work it.
[LAUGHTER.]
TODD TRILELUTZ: [OVERLAP.]
And work it out.
[LAUGHTER.]
VIC ROMANO: And that's Todd and Tonya Triplelutz.
They're ice dancing partners who share the workload.
She choreographs the routines - KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And he insists he's straight.
TODD TRIPLELUTZ: [OVERLAP.]
Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, straight into the losers category, Ken.
[OVERLAP.]
[LAUGHTER.]
GILLIAN BLAKEMAN: Teamwork forever.
MERV BLAKEMAN: [OVERLAP.]
Teamwork forever.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Merv and Gillian Blakeman.
And oh, looks like this eager beaver is going it alone.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Look at that, she's not even waiting for him.
VIC ROMANO: Highly unusual, Ken.
Oh boy.
Yeah, it looks like he's gonna finish himself off.
Let's go to Guy to find out what happened.
GILLIAN BLAKEMAN: [LAUGHTER.]
GUY LE DOUCHE: [OVERLAP.]
What happened to you two, you started without him, huh? GILLIAN BLAKEMAN: Well, he usually finishes first, so we decided I'd start without him.
But once I got started, I couldn't stop.
[LAUGHTER.]
GUY LE DOUCHE: What about you, you just stood there.
MB: Yeah, well sometimes I just like to watch her.
Right, dirty girl? DAVE WILLIGER: Dentists rule.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Doctor and Mrs.
Dave Williger.
They're into dentistry.
He's an oral surgeon, KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And she just likes oral.
VIC ROMANO: Surgeons.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Right.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, it looks like somebody's gonna need some bridge work, oh.
Oh, and our next couple Ken, Julie Smaltman and Bruce Butcher.
JULIE SMALTMAN: [OVERLAP.]
[UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
online! VIC ROMANO: They met on an Internet blind date, seeing each other for the first time today.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, there's no way, they don't stand a chance, they don't even know each other.
There's no history They're going all the way.
VIC ROMANO: Oh my goodness, they've done it.
Unbelievable and they're down.
Here's Angela and Rico Bonaventura.
She's got an MBA from MIT, and he's working on his handyman certificate.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What stupid shorts.
VIC ROMANO: You're right Ken, they are a tad snug, but oddly appealing.
Oh, but they appeared not to have helped him there.
KATIE SEGOLSKI: [OVERLAP.]
Let's go.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Katie and Stephen Segolski.
They met in a prison laundry room while separating darks from whites.
Let's see how they do.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You ever been in a prison laundry room, Vic? VIC ROMANO: Just in the yard, Ken.
Oh, and they're down.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Too bad.
KATIE SEGOLSKI: [OVERLAP.]
Oh, it's so wet.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Angelina and Billy Bob Menendez.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, they're best friends, soulmates, and first cousins.
VIC ROMANO: That's right Ken, they're just trying to make sense of their love.
And there they go, it looks like we've got a winner, no, wait, wait, wait.
It looks like she's down.
She's staying with it, she's struggling, she's gamely thrusting herself up towards the platform, writhing, undulating, look at the spunk on her, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: She's full of spunk, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, she's spunkalicious.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: But you know, I think our first winning couple deserves an MXC Impact replay.
That's Julie Smaltman and Bruce Butcher, as they go all the way on their first date.
VIC ROMANO: Unfortunately, their raucous victory celebration resulted in equally raucous intimate moment.
Needless to say, they are too spent to continue.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: But we still salute them as true MXC champions.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up next, more thrills, more spills, and maybe four is a crowd.
ANNOUNCER: MXC is back for more extreme love in our couples only competition.
VIC ROMANO: Scooby dooby dooby dooby doo.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Hey Vic, what are you looking at? VIC ROMANO: Hmm? What's that ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What is it? VIC ROMANO: Oh, uh- KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Let me look.
VIC ROMANO: Uh, nothing, just uh, checking out the competitors.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah? Let me have a look.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, it's nothing you'd be interested in, Ken, nothing at all that you would like.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What? VIC ROMANO: Look at that.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What, what, come on, let me see.
VIC ROMANO: No, Kenny, the last time you used my telescope I got pinkeye.
Now let's go down to our next game.
VIC ROMANO: Next up, the Rotating Surfboard of Death.
Stay on board the board, or else.
[CROWD NOISE.]
Now, our game is normally called the Rotating Surfboard of Death.
Today it's called the Romantic Rotating Surfboard of Death.
And here's Carol and Virgil Plimpton.
Trailer park managers from Illinois.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Troubling on the mounting there.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
A little flip flop spanky on the dolphin.
There he is, up on the platform.
There's the fanny slap.
Good transition, and oh.
She's down.
VIC ROMANO: Next up Joan and Al Toro.
JOAN TORO: Don't screw it up, honey.
Uh-huh.
AL TORO: Our marriage is loveless.
VIC ROMANO: And here goes Al.
Normally a goofy footer, let's see how he starts off.
There he goes, goofy foot.
To a switch stance parallel.
AL TORO: Over the dolphins.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, and there goes a one-legged [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
and oh, he can't pull it out, what a shame.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And Joan goes in as well.
VIC ROMANO: As she should, Ken.
And here's Mark and Jenny Stewart, you might remember the Captain talking to them at the top of the show.
He likes to whisper sweet nothings, and she likes it nothing more than rough and nasty.
And here he goes, coming up to the dolphin.
Oh, a little trouble.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, you know, they wax that dolphin to make it slippery, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed they do.
Here they come onto the platform, nice transition.
He's got her around the waist and it looks like they've had a little trouble.
That was a terrible handoff, Kenny.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Donna and Arnold Rumsfeld.
Now they've trained for this event for six months, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: They even built a scale replica of this event in their backyard, so they should do very well.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, should have, but don't.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh man, that was anticlimactic.
VIC ROMANO: And a waste of time.
Here's Sarah and Randy Stump, a couple who raise mice for slaughter.
RANDY STUMP: [OVERLAP.]
I intend to do my best.
VIC ROMANO: And here comes Randy's mount.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Good.
[BACKGROUND NOISE.]
[UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
the pink dolphin.
Oh.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Oh, indeed they did, and they are out.
Let's go down to Guy Le Douche and find out more about their curious vocation.
GUY LE DOUCHE: You slaughter mice? Do people eat them? SARAH STUMP: No, we just raise them.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Mice, the new white meat.
SHEILA DUNCAN: Hi honey, I'm waiting for you.
TOMMY DUNCAN: [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
VIC ROMANO: Well so far, none of our couples have made it all the way around.
Let's see if Sheila and Tommy Duncan can do it.
Oh, there he starts off with a nice staggered meat curtain.
And there he kneels into a thirsty altar boy, great move.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Bless me father, for I have sinned.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed Ken.
And there he's back up on the platform, there's the handoff for Sheila, good form, into potty squat [BACKGROUND NOISE.]
but she can't pull if off, she puts a knee right up into her chin.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That smells like an MXC Impact Replay, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, I'm getting a whiff of that too, Ken.
Let's see it.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well right here there's the head, the handoff, and she's on the board, a little happy feet, and over the dolphin, and she loses it.
VIC ROMANO: What a shame.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey wait, wait, go back, go back, go back.
VIC ROMANO: All right.
Let's take another look.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Down, down, down, down, down, up, up, up, up, up, down, down.
Right there, right there.
VIC ROMANO: What are we looking at, Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You can see her underwear.
VIC ROMANO: Ken, you can't use an impact replay to look at underwear.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You can't? VIC ROMANO: Let's move on.
ABBY FARNSWORTH: Come to mama, come on.
NATE FARNSWORTH: Johnny needs a new pair of shoes.
VIC ROMANO: All right, here's Abby and Nate Farnsworth.
He's a volunteer fireman, and she's into online gaming.
He starts off with a goofy footed stance, and he flip - Kenny, I can't even concentrate, you got me so flustered about that underwear thing.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Pretty hot, huh? VIC ROMANO: No, it wasn't hot, Ken, it was irresponsible.
We're supposed to be calling the action like professional sportsmen, and oh, oh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Vic, Vic, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: What Ken, what, you want to show me some more underwear, Ken? Is that it? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
No Vic, they won, they won.
The won.
VIC ROMANO: Huh? Of course they won.
We have a winner.
ANNOUNCER: Still to come, more slamming and a lot more banging, as our couples challenge continues.
ANNOUNCER: MXC continues with more painful eliminations of our battling couples.
VIC ROMANO: And we're back.
Well Kenny, tell us about our next game.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It's one power packed program.
VIC ROMANO: Ah, geez Kenny, you got me in the eye.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Did I spit on you? VIC ROMANO: No, it came out of your nose.
Oh, god, just tell 'em about the game.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Our next game is the hot steamy bowl of love.
The object, stay in the bowl, slide down the hill, and don't turn over.
VIC ROMANO: Thank you Ken.
Okay, first up, Sam and Terry Kaufman.
Looks like they've got a nice smooth ride down the course.
Can they stay in when they hit the water? Oh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, their cup rolleth over, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: On to Ted and Mary Knight.
Uh-oh, we've got a premature evacuation.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: He's sliding on 40,000 gallons of reclaimed personal lubricant.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, it's always good to recycle, Ken, but it's to no avail.
And next up, it's Fernando and Lana Lorenzo, together again after six months of intense couples counseling.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Geez, how'd you like to be married to that? VIC ROMANO: Oh I was, Ken.
But you know, it is heartening to see a couple who's willing to really work at their relationship.
And work and work and work.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Geez.
VIC ROMANO: Sometimes you gotta put 'em in a headlock, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Otherwise they don't listen.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Thank god we won't see them anymore.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Conrad and Lisa Rice.
A very, very excited couple.
And they're ready to go.
Oh, but it appears that M on M seem to be having a little trouble with the couple's combined weight.
Oh, there they go.
Oh, quickly into a half spin, and now they've settled into a fine reverse missionary.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You can't go wrong with that one, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: Right you are, Ken.
And it looks like we may just have a winner.
Oh, the race is out of the bowl, but they are moving on.
VIC ROMANO: And we're down to 49 couples as we move on to the Sticky Stuff of Love.
Where contestants swing across the sewage filled moat, and try to stick their Velcro-covered chests to the wall.
[BACKGROUND NOISE.]
VIC ROMANO: First up, the Dolls, Barbie and Ken.
BARBIE DOLL: Make it, or I'll tell everyone you cry during sex.
KEN DOLL: Do not.
VIC ROMANO: Looks like Barbie's trying to motivate Ken.
Let's see, oh, ouch.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That'll make him cry.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, indeed.
And he comes up short, Ken.
Let's take a look at that and see where he went wrong.
BARBIE DOLL: Crybaby.
KEN DOLL: [CRYING.]
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Well Vic, here, you can see right here at the top he took it hard in the butt, that's a full bottom cheek check.
Guys just don't recover from those.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, indeed you don't, Ken, indeed you don't.
Oh, ho, ho.
MINNIE SHORE: You stay focused, okay? MAXIE SHORE: I'm ready.
VIC ROMANO: And next up, Minnie and Maxie Shore.
Maxie by the way is a recovering narcoleptic.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, you mean he has sex with dead people? VIC ROMANO: No, he just sleeps with them, Ken.
[BACKGROUND NOISE.]
Oh, looks like he caught a little shuteye there.
LONNIE CHENEY: I'm taking away your magazines if you fall.
RICK CHENEY: Me fall? VIC ROMANO: Lonnie and Rick Cheney Jr.
RICK CHENEY JR.
: Oh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, that's a shame.
Let's go down to Guy Le Douche and find out what happened.
GUY LE DOUCHE: What kind of magazines are you taking away? LCAPTAIN TENNEAL: Oh, Naughty Grandmas.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh, I can't hear what you're saying.
LCAPTAIN TENNEAL: Naughty Grandmas.
[LAUGHTER.]
RCAPTAIN TENNEAL: Wrinkles rule.
HILDA JORGENSON: You're so sticky, sticky.
[LAUGHTER.]
SVEN JORGENSON: Yes, I am.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Sven and Hilda Jorgenson.
There he goes, he's working on a half turn to build up some adhesion, and he sticks it, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Nicely done.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed it was, and we've got our first winning couple.
JOSEPHINE LEPEW: You swing and stick.
HENRI LEPEW: I know, I know.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Let's see if Josephine and Henri LePew can match them.
And there's his takeoff, and no, what a shame.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Oh.
That calls for an MXC Impact Replay.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And there he is, approaching the wall.
Little too much lift here, and oh, he's [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
VIC ROMANO: Unconscious before he hit the water.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I love it.
PATSY O'MALLEY: Get that big fat Irish butt over here Seamus O'Malley.
SEAMUS O'MALLEY: All right then woman, just stick it up your craw.
VIC ROMANO: And next up, Patsy and Seamus O'Malley from County Cork, Ireland.
And there he goes.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, he's bombed.
VIC ROMANO: He does appear to be a little under the weather, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I'd drink too, if I was married to her.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
Alcohol sometimes is the glue of love.
HELEN BLAINEY: In between the pink curtain.
HARRY BLAINEY: Comin' at you baby.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Harry and Helen Blainey.
Oh.
He made it between the pink curtains, but he split his lips.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [LAUGHTER.]
KENENDY ROSE: Come on daddy, stick it to me.
Come on.
come on.
VIC ROMANO: And now here's Charlie and Kennedy Rose.
CHARLIE ROSE: Daddy's coming, [LAUGHTER.]
.
VIC ROMANO: There's Charlie with the windup and a nice flow, he does indeed, he sticks it, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Oh.
VIC ROMANO: And as we see, Kennedy rubbed the red helmet of her sticky little hero, we come to the end of our round four.
Who will be our champion? Stay tuned.
ANNOUNCER: Balls will be flying and the people will be crying as the final pounding continues on MXC.
Keep your paws off the clicker.
ANNOUNCER: MXC returns with our tough love finals.
Here's Kenny and Vic.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey Vic.
All these couples, how do I get a girl? VIC ROMANO: Well you know Kenny, I've always found that the ladies enjoy a kind word, a sly wink, and fresh flower, see there? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What if I say, back that thing up beyotch, it's bootylicious.
Then I can maybe spring some flowers on her.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Oh, yeah.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: How's that sound? VIC ROMANO: Just add the slight wink, I say you're in business.
VIC ROMANO: And next up is Brass Balls of Love.
Or as I like to call it, Orbs de Amore.
A simple but exciting game.
Simply walk out on a rickety bridge, and catch a big brass ball.
Oh, as Pat and Leslie Grandclouden so ably demonstrate, but looks like there's some other projectiles out on the course, Ken.
I haven't seen this before.
And he's down.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Just what I planned.
VIC ROMANO: What are you up to, Kenny? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well, it's my little twist Vic.
Take a look at the Kenitron simulated animation.
See I thought the other game wasn't dangerous enough, so I borrowed an old Howitzer from a buddy in the National Guard, loaded up with some croquet balls.
[LAUGHTER.]
VIC ROMANO: Well you are using an artillery piece on humans, but it has definitely spiced the game up a bit.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It sure has.
VIC ROMANO: Whoa, there is Herb Goss, almost loses his balance.
You see his wife Heidi there, prattling on incessantly, his wife.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, she made him wear that dress.
Oh.
VIC ROMANO: Oh.
And there, Herb is down.
And next up, that's Billy Bob Menendez, and he cautiously comes out onto the bridge, and I think with good reason.
He's gonna be facing artillery fire, right Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [LAUGHTER.]
That's right, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: And there we go, his wife Leslie lobbing him the brass ball, he makes a good catch.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, ho, ho.
And here comes the ordnance.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Those are large rounds, Ken.
What caliber is that? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It's not caliber, Vic, it's millimeters.
It's kinda like getting hit by a cinder block traveling twice the speed of sound.
Then like, multiply that by, ten.
VIC ROMANO: As you can see there, his wife Leslie is caught up with the excitement, having that kind of firepower unleashed on her husband.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, ho, ho.
VIC ROMANO: And Billy Bob finally goes down.
And his wife Leslie turns away humiliated and ashamed, who can blame her? As we take a look at the MXC artillery crew, we go to the MXC Impact replay.
Kenny? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, it took a full magazine of croquet balls, but he finally went down.
VIC ROMANO: We are definitely seeing some top notch brass balling out there today.
BECKY JACOBS: You win and we do it the other way.
DON JACOBS: It's about time.
VIC ROMANO: These are the Jacobs, Becky and Don.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What did she just promise him? VIC ROMANO: I'm not sure, but this is their chance to come from behind.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, that's what it sounded like.
VIC ROMANO: And there she goes, she fires a brass ball, and oh, he takes one in the head, and he's down.
You know Ken, I'm noticing a lot of the successful couples in this competition share a lot of the same qualities.
A commitment to each other, mutual respect, shared goals- KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Kinda like us.
VIC ROMANO: I'm sorry, Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: We're like a couple aren't we? VIC ROMANO: Well I suppose you could stretch it, yes, we're a professional, professional couple of guys.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
If I were, if I were to hug you now, would that be gay? VIC ROMANO: Ken I just need you to scotch back over to your side of the booth, and let's get back to the action.
Here is Lana and Rick Chaney, you might remember them from sticking it hard in the sticky stuff of love.
And now she's the one out on the bridge, and it looks like she's down.
This could be it.
She's hanging on, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Ooh, look at that.
Did you see that Vic? VIC ROMANO: Yes, I did, Ken, seriously, I need you to scoot back on your side of the booth.
Okay? we're a professional couple.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
All right, whatever.
VIC ROMANO: We need a certain professional distance as well.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay buddy.
And there's another shot.
Oh, and there.
Lana's got the ball, she's, she appears to be keeping her balance.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Just wait.
Hey guys, good shot.
VIC ROMANO: Oh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Get her.
Shoot her down.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
I think, and she's down.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [LAUGHTER.]
VIC ROMANO: Telling you Ken, I really can't condone the cannonball thing, but it does jazz it up a bit.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, it does, huh? VIC ROMANO: And she's made it.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey.
VIC ROMANO: What do you think of that, Mr.
Howitzer, Mr.
Cannonball Man? [LAUGHTER.]
And there's our winning couple, Rick and Lani Chaney.
All right, and you know what time it is, Ken.
Ken? All right, quit playing around.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh yeah.
Ready? Drumroll.
VIC ROMANO: Ooh, drumroll.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It's time for Kenny Blankenship's Painful Eliminations of the Day.
Blasting off at number 10, Ted and Mary Knight, who prematurely evacuate.
Ooh, slippery stuff.
Nine, Randy Stump waxed the dolphin while his wife finds the wet spot.
Number eight, it's Plank Spankers Ron and Debby Green, he got spanked 'cause he's a bad boy.
Number seven, Al Toro doing a daring balancing act, now he's a human yoyo.
Why is she screaming? Because her husband got himself a new set of balls.
And number five, Sven Jorgenson, turns his soft brain tissue into Redi-Whip.
Ouch.
And more ouches.
Oh.
Dental surgeon Dave and babe.
She pops wood and he gets a mouthful.
And number three, Lani Chaney.
Talk about hanging in there, this is one tough broad.
Number two more sticky stuff of love.
Harry Blainey goes limp when he hits the wall.
And so did I.
And my most painful elimination of the day goes to, Martha and Jamie Stewart.
He does his part, and says now do yours, beyotch.
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh.
This is love? Good thing he got her a big life insurance policy.
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh, there's nothing like hot, wet coupling, right Vic? VIC ROMANO: Just need you to scootch back over, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, sorry.
VIC ROMANO: All right, thanks for that, Ken.
Okay, what a great show.
And remember until we see you next time.
CROWD: Don't get eliminated.
Will our competition turn today's battling couples upside down? Will they stay in sync, or just sink? Or will they fall out of love as their relationships hit the wall? We'll find out with two men who know the ins outs of extreme coupling, Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Woo-hoo.
You can smell the love in the air.
VIC ROMANO: That's the pungent odor of amore.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Smells like your car.
VIC ROMANO: Ha, enough foreplay Kenny.
Let's go to Guy.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh, merci, Vicki.
I'll be talking to our couples as they go to the mat and bang each other up in such irresistible games as Plank Spanker, um, The Rotating Surfboard of Death, uh Irritable Bowl Syndrome.
Then there's Wall Bugger.
And of course my favorite, Big Brass Balls.
And now to the captain.
Yoo-hoo.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: How many of you know what it takes to be a couple? Touching, hugging, smooching.
The long walks on the beach, hmm? [CROWD NOISE.]
You two didn't raise your hand, what's the problem.
MAN: Well, she doesn't like romance, uh, she just likes rough sex.
[LAUGHTER.]
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Whoa, whoa, slow down.
I'm gonna need some awkward personal details.
Share with me.
MAN: [OVERLAP.]
Okay um, well I mean, usually she's on top, and I got nothing to say about it, and [OVERLAP.]
[LAUGHTER.]
it's scary.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Whoa, hey, hey, be a man.
MAN: Thanks Captain.
[LAUGHTER.]
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: You know, the Captain's had hundreds of successful relationships.
And the key to being a good lover is patience, and being a good listener.
Or maybe it's just having a clean hot tub.
Let's go.
VIC ROMANO: That's good hot tub advice, Ken.
Remember, no hijinks without hygiene.
Tell us about our first game, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: The object of Plank Spankers is to take off simultaneously across the wet spot, without popping wood.
VIC ROMANO: And of course, you want to try to finish together.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: Here's George and Marsha Fuller, high school sweethearts.
MARSHA FULLER: Good luck.
VIC ROMANO: Soulmates, best friends, nothing's gonna tear these two apart, Kenny.
Look at the team work already, anticipating each other's moves.
MARSHA FULLER: Ow.
GEORGE FULLER: Stupid bitch.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
.
And here's Roland and Debby Green.
There's is a workplace romance.
She's a human resources psychologist, and he's a disgruntled employee.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And look at 'em go.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, wouldn't want to be in that office on Monday.
TONYA TRIPLELUTZ: And work it.
[LAUGHTER.]
TODD TRILELUTZ: [OVERLAP.]
And work it out.
[LAUGHTER.]
VIC ROMANO: And that's Todd and Tonya Triplelutz.
They're ice dancing partners who share the workload.
She choreographs the routines - KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And he insists he's straight.
TODD TRIPLELUTZ: [OVERLAP.]
Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, straight into the losers category, Ken.
[OVERLAP.]
[LAUGHTER.]
GILLIAN BLAKEMAN: Teamwork forever.
MERV BLAKEMAN: [OVERLAP.]
Teamwork forever.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Merv and Gillian Blakeman.
And oh, looks like this eager beaver is going it alone.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Look at that, she's not even waiting for him.
VIC ROMANO: Highly unusual, Ken.
Oh boy.
Yeah, it looks like he's gonna finish himself off.
Let's go to Guy to find out what happened.
GILLIAN BLAKEMAN: [LAUGHTER.]
GUY LE DOUCHE: [OVERLAP.]
What happened to you two, you started without him, huh? GILLIAN BLAKEMAN: Well, he usually finishes first, so we decided I'd start without him.
But once I got started, I couldn't stop.
[LAUGHTER.]
GUY LE DOUCHE: What about you, you just stood there.
MB: Yeah, well sometimes I just like to watch her.
Right, dirty girl? DAVE WILLIGER: Dentists rule.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Doctor and Mrs.
Dave Williger.
They're into dentistry.
He's an oral surgeon, KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And she just likes oral.
VIC ROMANO: Surgeons.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Right.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, it looks like somebody's gonna need some bridge work, oh.
Oh, and our next couple Ken, Julie Smaltman and Bruce Butcher.
JULIE SMALTMAN: [OVERLAP.]
[UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
online! VIC ROMANO: They met on an Internet blind date, seeing each other for the first time today.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, there's no way, they don't stand a chance, they don't even know each other.
There's no history They're going all the way.
VIC ROMANO: Oh my goodness, they've done it.
Unbelievable and they're down.
Here's Angela and Rico Bonaventura.
She's got an MBA from MIT, and he's working on his handyman certificate.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What stupid shorts.
VIC ROMANO: You're right Ken, they are a tad snug, but oddly appealing.
Oh, but they appeared not to have helped him there.
KATIE SEGOLSKI: [OVERLAP.]
Let's go.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Katie and Stephen Segolski.
They met in a prison laundry room while separating darks from whites.
Let's see how they do.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You ever been in a prison laundry room, Vic? VIC ROMANO: Just in the yard, Ken.
Oh, and they're down.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Too bad.
KATIE SEGOLSKI: [OVERLAP.]
Oh, it's so wet.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Angelina and Billy Bob Menendez.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, they're best friends, soulmates, and first cousins.
VIC ROMANO: That's right Ken, they're just trying to make sense of their love.
And there they go, it looks like we've got a winner, no, wait, wait, wait.
It looks like she's down.
She's staying with it, she's struggling, she's gamely thrusting herself up towards the platform, writhing, undulating, look at the spunk on her, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: She's full of spunk, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, she's spunkalicious.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: But you know, I think our first winning couple deserves an MXC Impact replay.
That's Julie Smaltman and Bruce Butcher, as they go all the way on their first date.
VIC ROMANO: Unfortunately, their raucous victory celebration resulted in equally raucous intimate moment.
Needless to say, they are too spent to continue.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: But we still salute them as true MXC champions.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up next, more thrills, more spills, and maybe four is a crowd.
ANNOUNCER: MXC is back for more extreme love in our couples only competition.
VIC ROMANO: Scooby dooby dooby dooby doo.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Hey Vic, what are you looking at? VIC ROMANO: Hmm? What's that ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What is it? VIC ROMANO: Oh, uh- KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Let me look.
VIC ROMANO: Uh, nothing, just uh, checking out the competitors.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah? Let me have a look.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, it's nothing you'd be interested in, Ken, nothing at all that you would like.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What? VIC ROMANO: Look at that.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What, what, come on, let me see.
VIC ROMANO: No, Kenny, the last time you used my telescope I got pinkeye.
Now let's go down to our next game.
VIC ROMANO: Next up, the Rotating Surfboard of Death.
Stay on board the board, or else.
[CROWD NOISE.]
Now, our game is normally called the Rotating Surfboard of Death.
Today it's called the Romantic Rotating Surfboard of Death.
And here's Carol and Virgil Plimpton.
Trailer park managers from Illinois.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Troubling on the mounting there.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
A little flip flop spanky on the dolphin.
There he is, up on the platform.
There's the fanny slap.
Good transition, and oh.
She's down.
VIC ROMANO: Next up Joan and Al Toro.
JOAN TORO: Don't screw it up, honey.
Uh-huh.
AL TORO: Our marriage is loveless.
VIC ROMANO: And here goes Al.
Normally a goofy footer, let's see how he starts off.
There he goes, goofy foot.
To a switch stance parallel.
AL TORO: Over the dolphins.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, and there goes a one-legged [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
and oh, he can't pull it out, what a shame.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And Joan goes in as well.
VIC ROMANO: As she should, Ken.
And here's Mark and Jenny Stewart, you might remember the Captain talking to them at the top of the show.
He likes to whisper sweet nothings, and she likes it nothing more than rough and nasty.
And here he goes, coming up to the dolphin.
Oh, a little trouble.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, you know, they wax that dolphin to make it slippery, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed they do.
Here they come onto the platform, nice transition.
He's got her around the waist and it looks like they've had a little trouble.
That was a terrible handoff, Kenny.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Donna and Arnold Rumsfeld.
Now they've trained for this event for six months, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: They even built a scale replica of this event in their backyard, so they should do very well.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, should have, but don't.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh man, that was anticlimactic.
VIC ROMANO: And a waste of time.
Here's Sarah and Randy Stump, a couple who raise mice for slaughter.
RANDY STUMP: [OVERLAP.]
I intend to do my best.
VIC ROMANO: And here comes Randy's mount.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Good.
[BACKGROUND NOISE.]
[UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
the pink dolphin.
Oh.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Oh, indeed they did, and they are out.
Let's go down to Guy Le Douche and find out more about their curious vocation.
GUY LE DOUCHE: You slaughter mice? Do people eat them? SARAH STUMP: No, we just raise them.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Mice, the new white meat.
SHEILA DUNCAN: Hi honey, I'm waiting for you.
TOMMY DUNCAN: [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
VIC ROMANO: Well so far, none of our couples have made it all the way around.
Let's see if Sheila and Tommy Duncan can do it.
Oh, there he starts off with a nice staggered meat curtain.
And there he kneels into a thirsty altar boy, great move.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Bless me father, for I have sinned.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed Ken.
And there he's back up on the platform, there's the handoff for Sheila, good form, into potty squat [BACKGROUND NOISE.]
but she can't pull if off, she puts a knee right up into her chin.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That smells like an MXC Impact Replay, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, I'm getting a whiff of that too, Ken.
Let's see it.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well right here there's the head, the handoff, and she's on the board, a little happy feet, and over the dolphin, and she loses it.
VIC ROMANO: What a shame.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey wait, wait, go back, go back, go back.
VIC ROMANO: All right.
Let's take another look.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Down, down, down, down, down, up, up, up, up, up, down, down.
Right there, right there.
VIC ROMANO: What are we looking at, Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You can see her underwear.
VIC ROMANO: Ken, you can't use an impact replay to look at underwear.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You can't? VIC ROMANO: Let's move on.
ABBY FARNSWORTH: Come to mama, come on.
NATE FARNSWORTH: Johnny needs a new pair of shoes.
VIC ROMANO: All right, here's Abby and Nate Farnsworth.
He's a volunteer fireman, and she's into online gaming.
He starts off with a goofy footed stance, and he flip - Kenny, I can't even concentrate, you got me so flustered about that underwear thing.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Pretty hot, huh? VIC ROMANO: No, it wasn't hot, Ken, it was irresponsible.
We're supposed to be calling the action like professional sportsmen, and oh, oh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Vic, Vic, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: What Ken, what, you want to show me some more underwear, Ken? Is that it? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
No Vic, they won, they won.
The won.
VIC ROMANO: Huh? Of course they won.
We have a winner.
ANNOUNCER: Still to come, more slamming and a lot more banging, as our couples challenge continues.
ANNOUNCER: MXC continues with more painful eliminations of our battling couples.
VIC ROMANO: And we're back.
Well Kenny, tell us about our next game.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It's one power packed program.
VIC ROMANO: Ah, geez Kenny, you got me in the eye.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Did I spit on you? VIC ROMANO: No, it came out of your nose.
Oh, god, just tell 'em about the game.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Our next game is the hot steamy bowl of love.
The object, stay in the bowl, slide down the hill, and don't turn over.
VIC ROMANO: Thank you Ken.
Okay, first up, Sam and Terry Kaufman.
Looks like they've got a nice smooth ride down the course.
Can they stay in when they hit the water? Oh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, their cup rolleth over, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: On to Ted and Mary Knight.
Uh-oh, we've got a premature evacuation.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: He's sliding on 40,000 gallons of reclaimed personal lubricant.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, it's always good to recycle, Ken, but it's to no avail.
And next up, it's Fernando and Lana Lorenzo, together again after six months of intense couples counseling.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Geez, how'd you like to be married to that? VIC ROMANO: Oh I was, Ken.
But you know, it is heartening to see a couple who's willing to really work at their relationship.
And work and work and work.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Geez.
VIC ROMANO: Sometimes you gotta put 'em in a headlock, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Otherwise they don't listen.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Thank god we won't see them anymore.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Conrad and Lisa Rice.
A very, very excited couple.
And they're ready to go.
Oh, but it appears that M on M seem to be having a little trouble with the couple's combined weight.
Oh, there they go.
Oh, quickly into a half spin, and now they've settled into a fine reverse missionary.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You can't go wrong with that one, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: Right you are, Ken.
And it looks like we may just have a winner.
Oh, the race is out of the bowl, but they are moving on.
VIC ROMANO: And we're down to 49 couples as we move on to the Sticky Stuff of Love.
Where contestants swing across the sewage filled moat, and try to stick their Velcro-covered chests to the wall.
[BACKGROUND NOISE.]
VIC ROMANO: First up, the Dolls, Barbie and Ken.
BARBIE DOLL: Make it, or I'll tell everyone you cry during sex.
KEN DOLL: Do not.
VIC ROMANO: Looks like Barbie's trying to motivate Ken.
Let's see, oh, ouch.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That'll make him cry.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, indeed.
And he comes up short, Ken.
Let's take a look at that and see where he went wrong.
BARBIE DOLL: Crybaby.
KEN DOLL: [CRYING.]
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Well Vic, here, you can see right here at the top he took it hard in the butt, that's a full bottom cheek check.
Guys just don't recover from those.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, indeed you don't, Ken, indeed you don't.
Oh, ho, ho.
MINNIE SHORE: You stay focused, okay? MAXIE SHORE: I'm ready.
VIC ROMANO: And next up, Minnie and Maxie Shore.
Maxie by the way is a recovering narcoleptic.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, you mean he has sex with dead people? VIC ROMANO: No, he just sleeps with them, Ken.
[BACKGROUND NOISE.]
Oh, looks like he caught a little shuteye there.
LONNIE CHENEY: I'm taking away your magazines if you fall.
RICK CHENEY: Me fall? VIC ROMANO: Lonnie and Rick Cheney Jr.
RICK CHENEY JR.
: Oh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, that's a shame.
Let's go down to Guy Le Douche and find out what happened.
GUY LE DOUCHE: What kind of magazines are you taking away? LCAPTAIN TENNEAL: Oh, Naughty Grandmas.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh, I can't hear what you're saying.
LCAPTAIN TENNEAL: Naughty Grandmas.
[LAUGHTER.]
RCAPTAIN TENNEAL: Wrinkles rule.
HILDA JORGENSON: You're so sticky, sticky.
[LAUGHTER.]
SVEN JORGENSON: Yes, I am.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Sven and Hilda Jorgenson.
There he goes, he's working on a half turn to build up some adhesion, and he sticks it, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Nicely done.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed it was, and we've got our first winning couple.
JOSEPHINE LEPEW: You swing and stick.
HENRI LEPEW: I know, I know.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Let's see if Josephine and Henri LePew can match them.
And there's his takeoff, and no, what a shame.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Oh.
That calls for an MXC Impact Replay.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And there he is, approaching the wall.
Little too much lift here, and oh, he's [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
VIC ROMANO: Unconscious before he hit the water.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I love it.
PATSY O'MALLEY: Get that big fat Irish butt over here Seamus O'Malley.
SEAMUS O'MALLEY: All right then woman, just stick it up your craw.
VIC ROMANO: And next up, Patsy and Seamus O'Malley from County Cork, Ireland.
And there he goes.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, he's bombed.
VIC ROMANO: He does appear to be a little under the weather, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I'd drink too, if I was married to her.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
Alcohol sometimes is the glue of love.
HELEN BLAINEY: In between the pink curtain.
HARRY BLAINEY: Comin' at you baby.
VIC ROMANO: And here's Harry and Helen Blainey.
Oh.
He made it between the pink curtains, but he split his lips.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [LAUGHTER.]
KENENDY ROSE: Come on daddy, stick it to me.
Come on.
come on.
VIC ROMANO: And now here's Charlie and Kennedy Rose.
CHARLIE ROSE: Daddy's coming, [LAUGHTER.]
.
VIC ROMANO: There's Charlie with the windup and a nice flow, he does indeed, he sticks it, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
Oh.
VIC ROMANO: And as we see, Kennedy rubbed the red helmet of her sticky little hero, we come to the end of our round four.
Who will be our champion? Stay tuned.
ANNOUNCER: Balls will be flying and the people will be crying as the final pounding continues on MXC.
Keep your paws off the clicker.
ANNOUNCER: MXC returns with our tough love finals.
Here's Kenny and Vic.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey Vic.
All these couples, how do I get a girl? VIC ROMANO: Well you know Kenny, I've always found that the ladies enjoy a kind word, a sly wink, and fresh flower, see there? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What if I say, back that thing up beyotch, it's bootylicious.
Then I can maybe spring some flowers on her.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Oh, yeah.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: How's that sound? VIC ROMANO: Just add the slight wink, I say you're in business.
VIC ROMANO: And next up is Brass Balls of Love.
Or as I like to call it, Orbs de Amore.
A simple but exciting game.
Simply walk out on a rickety bridge, and catch a big brass ball.
Oh, as Pat and Leslie Grandclouden so ably demonstrate, but looks like there's some other projectiles out on the course, Ken.
I haven't seen this before.
And he's down.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Just what I planned.
VIC ROMANO: What are you up to, Kenny? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well, it's my little twist Vic.
Take a look at the Kenitron simulated animation.
See I thought the other game wasn't dangerous enough, so I borrowed an old Howitzer from a buddy in the National Guard, loaded up with some croquet balls.
[LAUGHTER.]
VIC ROMANO: Well you are using an artillery piece on humans, but it has definitely spiced the game up a bit.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It sure has.
VIC ROMANO: Whoa, there is Herb Goss, almost loses his balance.
You see his wife Heidi there, prattling on incessantly, his wife.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, she made him wear that dress.
Oh.
VIC ROMANO: Oh.
And there, Herb is down.
And next up, that's Billy Bob Menendez, and he cautiously comes out onto the bridge, and I think with good reason.
He's gonna be facing artillery fire, right Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [LAUGHTER.]
That's right, Vic.
VIC ROMANO: And there we go, his wife Leslie lobbing him the brass ball, he makes a good catch.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, ho, ho.
And here comes the ordnance.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Those are large rounds, Ken.
What caliber is that? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It's not caliber, Vic, it's millimeters.
It's kinda like getting hit by a cinder block traveling twice the speed of sound.
Then like, multiply that by, ten.
VIC ROMANO: As you can see there, his wife Leslie is caught up with the excitement, having that kind of firepower unleashed on her husband.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, ho, ho.
VIC ROMANO: And Billy Bob finally goes down.
And his wife Leslie turns away humiliated and ashamed, who can blame her? As we take a look at the MXC artillery crew, we go to the MXC Impact replay.
Kenny? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, it took a full magazine of croquet balls, but he finally went down.
VIC ROMANO: We are definitely seeing some top notch brass balling out there today.
BECKY JACOBS: You win and we do it the other way.
DON JACOBS: It's about time.
VIC ROMANO: These are the Jacobs, Becky and Don.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What did she just promise him? VIC ROMANO: I'm not sure, but this is their chance to come from behind.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, that's what it sounded like.
VIC ROMANO: And there she goes, she fires a brass ball, and oh, he takes one in the head, and he's down.
You know Ken, I'm noticing a lot of the successful couples in this competition share a lot of the same qualities.
A commitment to each other, mutual respect, shared goals- KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Kinda like us.
VIC ROMANO: I'm sorry, Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: We're like a couple aren't we? VIC ROMANO: Well I suppose you could stretch it, yes, we're a professional, professional couple of guys.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
If I were, if I were to hug you now, would that be gay? VIC ROMANO: Ken I just need you to scotch back over to your side of the booth, and let's get back to the action.
Here is Lana and Rick Chaney, you might remember them from sticking it hard in the sticky stuff of love.
And now she's the one out on the bridge, and it looks like she's down.
This could be it.
She's hanging on, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Ooh, look at that.
Did you see that Vic? VIC ROMANO: Yes, I did, Ken, seriously, I need you to scoot back on your side of the booth.
Okay? we're a professional couple.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [OVERLAP.]
All right, whatever.
VIC ROMANO: We need a certain professional distance as well.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay buddy.
And there's another shot.
Oh, and there.
Lana's got the ball, she's, she appears to be keeping her balance.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Just wait.
Hey guys, good shot.
VIC ROMANO: Oh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Get her.
Shoot her down.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
I think, and she's down.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: [LAUGHTER.]
VIC ROMANO: Telling you Ken, I really can't condone the cannonball thing, but it does jazz it up a bit.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, it does, huh? VIC ROMANO: And she's made it.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey.
VIC ROMANO: What do you think of that, Mr.
Howitzer, Mr.
Cannonball Man? [LAUGHTER.]
And there's our winning couple, Rick and Lani Chaney.
All right, and you know what time it is, Ken.
Ken? All right, quit playing around.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh yeah.
Ready? Drumroll.
VIC ROMANO: Ooh, drumroll.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It's time for Kenny Blankenship's Painful Eliminations of the Day.
Blasting off at number 10, Ted and Mary Knight, who prematurely evacuate.
Ooh, slippery stuff.
Nine, Randy Stump waxed the dolphin while his wife finds the wet spot.
Number eight, it's Plank Spankers Ron and Debby Green, he got spanked 'cause he's a bad boy.
Number seven, Al Toro doing a daring balancing act, now he's a human yoyo.
Why is she screaming? Because her husband got himself a new set of balls.
And number five, Sven Jorgenson, turns his soft brain tissue into Redi-Whip.
Ouch.
And more ouches.
Oh.
Dental surgeon Dave and babe.
She pops wood and he gets a mouthful.
And number three, Lani Chaney.
Talk about hanging in there, this is one tough broad.
Number two more sticky stuff of love.
Harry Blainey goes limp when he hits the wall.
And so did I.
And my most painful elimination of the day goes to, Martha and Jamie Stewart.
He does his part, and says now do yours, beyotch.
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh.
This is love? Good thing he got her a big life insurance policy.
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh, there's nothing like hot, wet coupling, right Vic? VIC ROMANO: Just need you to scootch back over, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, sorry.
VIC ROMANO: All right, thanks for that, Ken.
Okay, what a great show.
And remember until we see you next time.
CROWD: Don't get eliminated.