Murphy Brown s01e02 Episode Script

Devil With a Blue Dress On

Isn't this a hoot? Can you believe it? Corky, remember that memo I sent out last week? The one about how no one should talk to me in the morning until after 3:00? Oh, Murphy, you're such a kidder.
What a hoot! Ms.
Brown.
Hi, I'm your new secretary, Megan Reynolds.
I was just going over your calendar for the day, and updating your phone log.
- And I watered your plant.
- Well, nice to meet you.
I'll need phone numbers for these people.
Xerox this letter, six copies and type up the notes from the - Wow, it's really her.
She looks just like on TV.
You gotta introduce me.
Hi, I'm Megan Reynolds.
I never miss your show.
Ever.
What a great dress.
Well.
Aren't you sweet.
I'll need that letter by noon.
- Can I have your autograph? - Sure.
That was close.
I almost wore my blue dress today.
Yeah.
How come I didn't get to do the football story? Well, because it was my idea.
And because you throw like a girl.
Bull.
Bobby, go deep.
All right! Hey, now.
Hey, now.
This isn't a playground.
Someone could get hurt.
Fontana spots Dial streaking downfield.
They're blitzing.
He's all alone in the end zone.
Could I have everyone's attention? Thanks.
Gather around the table.
We've got a lot to cover at this meeting.
Hate to break it to you.
It isn't the Redskins' year.
Not our year? I'm wounded.
- Let's take our seats.
- It's too hard to repeat as champs.
- Their linebackers stink.
- Let's start.
- No running game.
- At all.
Criticize, criticize.
This what you call a meeting, Miles? Let's get going.
Thank you.
First.
Now, this isn't on the agenda, but I can see the question coming.
I'll have to say no to the dress-alike thing.
Now.
Big Jim.
Big Jim.
There's an idea we've been kicking around at the network.
It's kind of an upper-management thought.
The point being that maybe you when you're on the air you could possibly be a little warmer.
Warmer? Right.
You know Dan Rather tried it, he's getting beat up a lot less lately.
What I thought is that perhaps you could actually smile during a broadcast.
Just once.
Give it a shot, see how it feels.
- I'm sorry? - I said I'd do my best.
Right.
Frank, your segment on the Redskins.
Three weeks sounds like plenty of time to research a story.
Come on, Miles, I need more time.
Piece isn't complete.
- He didn't get to the cheerleader interviews.
- Exactly.
- It airs this week, Frank.
- So.
Enough small talk.
Months of badgering and cajoling have paid off.
The boy wonder of the corporate world has finally agreed to let me do a profile on him.
- Edward Moorehouse? - You got it.
Way to go, Murph.
He doesn't let the press near him.
How'd you do it? My usual M.
O.
I just kept at him, always there.
Sticking like a wad of gum to the bottom of his shoe.
He just finally decided it was easier to give in.
Is there any chance you could have this piece ready for next week's show? Yeah, sure, if I had a clone.
I've got interviews with his family, his friends, lawyers, accountants.
I'll be following him night and day.
In fact, what am I doing here? - Class dismissed.
- Just one minute.
I'm getting an idea here.
Murphy, follow me on this.
What if I put Corky to work on the story with you? Help out with the research.
Miles, could I see you in my office? No.
But I have something to show you.
- What? - It's a surprise.
No, thank you.
Do you want me to surprise you out here? I won't do it, Miles.
I will not work with her on my story.
I'm an only child.
I never learned to share.
You said it yourself.
This is a big story.
It'll take too much of your time.
I exaggerated.
I do that sometimes.
I hate myself for it.
We both know she needs seasoning as a reporter.
We can't have her asking the secretary of state where he learned shorthand anymore.
Besides, she's got the time to work with you this week.
She's already finished her piece on health spas for pets.
Miles, let me ask you a question.
If I say no to this are you gonna keep coming at me acting like a wad of gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe and generally making my life miserable until I give in? I learn from the best.
Send her in here.
Corky.
Well, I guess we're a team.
Oh, Murphy! I never thought anything could top being Miss America.
And this doesn't, but it comes really, really close.
Thanks so much.
I wanna be fair, Miles.
You've got legs like a dachshund, so I'll give you a head start.
I know it works, I can hear it from my office.
Now I've lost my entire train of thought.
Oh, you're answering fan mail.
Looks like a lot this week.
- Tons.
- These are all addressed to Corky.
Yeah.
Her secretary couldn't keep up, so I said I'd help out.
- Hi, Jim.
- Hi.
What's wrong with your face? Muscle spasm.
Can't you take something for? - Looks really nice.
- Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You just get back from the dentist? Yes.
Well, I told the team we'd only have three more days together.
Don't fool yourself, offensive tackles can get pretty emotional.
I know you're disappointed about the way this is working out.
You wanna talk about it? Better yet how about we forget about work and see a movie.
Where's a paper? There's a new movie about people or something.
I'd like to see that.
- You're having trouble with your story.
- Major.
- What's the problem? - Edward Moorehouse.
A 34-year-old man turns around six corporations in two years and he doesn't say one revealing thing.
Ask him a personal question, he changes the subject.
Everyone around him sounds like they're reading a press release.
What kind of a story am I doing? I don't know.
What can I do to make it better? You've heard all my usual pep talks.
I'm fresh out of funny faces, and I left my saxophone at home.
I'll tell you what.
Here's a dollar.
Buy yourself something nice.
Corky signs her name with a happy face in the O.
And take everything of yours out of this desk, put it in your car, and drive away.
Hello, Murphy.
Miles, what's wrong? You look worse than a dead guy.
You know, I knew you were upset when I assigned Corky to work with you.
But I never expected you to sink to such a childish level.
I'm a busy woman.
What's your point? Between midnight and 5 a.
m.
Last night, That's a pizza every 22 minutes.
Only it wasn't regular so I'd plan for it.
Like the 48 minutes between number 11 and 12.
God, Miles, that's terrible.
Who would do such a thing? You know, at a certain point I stopped tipping them.
That's on your conscience.
Nobody panic.
I'm all right.
- What happened? - Murphy.
I did what you said.
I spent the day at the mechanic's where Moorehouse got his car worked on.
They only had one toilet, and it didn't have a seat.
Corky, sometimes these leads just don't work out.
And I couldn't find a thing in his garbage.
I only got through six bags before that truck came.
I never thought somebody that rich could eat so many Hungry-Man dinners.
Corky, I think we'd all understand if you decided not to work on this story anymore.
No one would scorn you if you move on to something else.
You gonna scorn her if she moves on to something else? - No.
Absolutely not.
- No.
Move on? Give up? Not in a million years.
I discovered something today.
You're not a real journalist unless you've got some dirt and a little Salisbury steak under your fingernails.
Is that a noodle on your skirt? You're damn right it is.
I'm going to keep this skirt forever.
Oh, good, you're home.
I thought I'd bring some food and we'd work here.
We really should catch up on each other's notes.
You know, Corky the truth is I just found out I'm dying, and I'd like to be alone.
Well, then it's a good thing I came over here.
Because someone sounds a little down in the dumps.
You know, when I was in the Miss America pageant we paired up.
I can't tell you how many times it saved one of us to have a partner to say: "Come on.
Don't give up.
Just one more hot roller.
" Doesn't it smell good? Actually, it does.
You know, Murphy.
I have to tell you.
This has been the greatest week for me.
When I think back on everything I've learned, it's really amazing.
You know, I saw parts of Washington I never thought existed.
I think I'm perfecting my interviewing skills when You know, Corky, sometimes it's nice just to enjoy a meal silently.
But you've really inspired the reporter in me.
I wanna know all about you.
Every detail.
How you got started, how when other stars fade, you always stay at the top.
Well, I guess a little conversation never killed anybody.
So how do you do it, Murphy? What's the secret of your success? It's not that complicated, really.
Never be afraid to take a chance.
When you see that brass ring, go for it.
And never let anything get in your way.
That's it? What about voice lessons? Why don't we go for our notes.
Great.
See? You're ready for more work already.
Nothing really came of my phone call to his old Cub Scout troop leader.
He's dead.
Then I talked to the man in charge of washing his private jet.
Oh, you'll love this.
Moorehouse sends his plane filled with food and clothes to the poor in South America.
I know.
But he never has to go through customs when he gets back.
Wait a minute.
He flies back from South America, and no one from customs goes through the plane? Yes.
I wish I knew somebody at customs like that.
The last time I came back from Paris they kept me in customs for over four hours.
And the worst part is how they touch everything in that way that they have.
Hey, do you think this is something? No.
Well, back to the drawing board.
Now, I talked to Moorehouse's barber I'll tell you what it is, Jim.
Somebody like Miles is jealous of a natural athlete like me.
He gets yelled at by some gym teacher for crying during dodge ball so now I have to rush my story for tonight's broadcast.
Hi, Phil.
You look like a ferret there, Jim.
That the look you're going for? - Close the door! - Hi, guys.
So, what was it, Murph? Getting worried my piece on the Redskins is gonna steal the show tonight? So you go and break the biggest story of the year? - Well, sometimes you get lucky.
- Luck, my foot.
Attention to detail.
A fine job of investigative reporting.
Hey, Miles, are those bags under your eyes? They're so puffy and dark.
I want you to know how much I enjoyed that polka band underneath my window at 3:00 this morning.
Big hit with the neighbors too.
"Roll Out the Barrel" has been going through my head all day.
Close the door! Well.
Looks like I finally tracked you down, Murphy.
Oh, hi, Corky.
I missed you at the office today.
When I realized what you'd done with that piece of crucial information I gave you I was stunned.
There it was, the perfect example of what makes you the best.
Imagine, Edward Moorehouse using his relief planes to smuggle drugs.
I missed the brass ring, Murphy.
But you saw it.
I have learned so much from you.
And I have so much respect for you.
Thank you for allowing me to have worked by your side.
Close the door! Miles, don't go away, okay? Why? What's next? A fat lady strip-o-gram? I need to have a personal chat with somebody.
You wanna have a personal chat with me? We never chat personally together.
Not that I don't want to.
I'm not usually first choice - Miles, could you just accept this, please? - Let's chat.
What would you say if I told you Corky uncovered the lead on the drug smuggling? You're kidding.
And you didn't credit her? - You must be feeling guilty.
- I don't feel guilty.
I don't believe in guilt.
If you don't believe in guilt, why confess? I'm not confessing.
I'm chatting.
I specifically stated that from the beginning.
You know, Murphy sometimes a way of dealing with guilt is to make it up to the person.
Miles, do you have any idea what it's like to do what I do? To go for 36 hours without sleep because you were in an editing room trying to make a deadline? To travel all the way to Abu Dhabi, not knowing if the emir feels like talking today? And then half of America writes in to ask where Corky Sherwood buys her lip gloss.
I shouldn't have to feel guilty about anything.
Okay.
But someday you'll have to tell me how you do it.
Hey there, Murphy.
That was some story you cracked.
Phil.
I stepped all over somebody like they were a cheap carpet just to enhance my professional standing and didn't say a word while they thanked me for doing it.
Right now I feel like dirt.
Come on, now, Murphy.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
It's like I told Nixon when he was feeling a little guilty.
"Take it easy, Dick," I said.
"I don't know what you've done, but whatever it is, it's not like you're a crook.
" I should be used to it.
It's been happening to me my whole life.
Guys who aren't jocks hate guys who are.
It's a basic animal thing of feeling threatened.
I'm preparing.
Corky.
I was thinking that since you helped break the story that probably I should say something like "Thanks a lot.
" - Oh, no, Murphy, I should thank you - Will you please stop it.
Anyway, maybe it would be the right thing to do if you introduced the segment.
- You're kidding.
- I set it up with Miles, the crew and Jim.
This will come up on the TelePrompTer.
You do the first part.
"Successful tycoon, philanthropist, family man, Edward Moorehouse But FYI has discovered there is quite a bit more to this story.
Here with the report is Murphy Brown.
" Corky.
Thank you.
All right.
Places, everybody.
Five seconds till airtime.
In five, four, three Good evening and welcome to FYI.
For your information tonight Frank Fontana brings us an in-depth look behind the scenes at Redskins football.
And Corky Sherwood looks at health spas for your pet.
But first, here's Corky to update us on an exclusive FYI investigation.
Corky.
Thank you, Jim.
Successful tycoon, philanthropist, family man.
This is the image of Edward Moorehouse.
But FYI has discovered there is quite a bit more to this story.
A private jet from the Moorehouse fleet used to fly relief supplies to South American villages has been on more than a mission of mercy.
On the return the cargo bay was frequently filled with millions of dollars' worth of cocaine.
This operation succeeded for months until I was able to uncover the evidence that eluded the FAA Federal Drug Administration and the U.
S.
Customs Department.
And you know what a pain customs can be.
And that's why you should always investigate thoroughly to find a health spa with veterinarians who are trained in CPR.
Back to you, Jim.
Thank you, Murphy.
Quite helpful.
This has been another edition of FYI.
Good night.
And we're clear.
That's a wrap, everybody.
Corky, could I talk to you? You're upset.
You know, a lot of things went through my head in the last 56 minutes.
But the same thought kept coming back to me.
You saw your brass ring and you went for it.
It took a lot of chutzpah.
I have to respect a person for that.
Gee, Murphy, I'm so glad you feel that way.
I should mention one other thing, however.
Do anything like this again and you're dead.
- Okay.
- No, understand this.
It's not just an idle threat or a colorful exaggeration.
I know people.
It would happen.
It could be fast, or painful and lingering.
Water, cement.
Without a trace, or well-placed bits and pieces.
All my choice.
I understand.
So, what do you say we put all this behind us.
Shake? Shake.
I'll meet you and the gang at Phil's in 10 minutes.
You can buy me a burger.
You've got it.
Hello.
I was reading your pamphlet and I was wondering if your missionaries could come to my house and tell me more about my personal salvation.
Great.
My name is Corky Sherwood.
S-H-E-R