Murphy Brown s11e13 Episode Script

Happy New Year

What now, Murphy? It's 3:00 a.
I still haven't heard from Avery.
You hadn't heard from him when you called me at 2:00, at 1:00, and at midnight.
Maybe he's trying to get some sleep, like I am.
It's 1:00 in the afternoon in Kabul.
I know how you get when you feel like you can't control a situation.
Your coffee table looks like command central.
You've got maps, little scraps of paper with phone numbers.
Look, I-I got to go, Murphy.
Cindy's really mad that you keep calling.
Are you making up names of women you're sleeping with to get off the phone? There'll never be a real one if you keep calling me every 10 minutes.
Listen, there's nothing you can do right now.
Avery's got your DNA.
He's gonna be fine.
If you would just Stop your yakking, Frank! Avery's FaceTiming me.
Avery! Are you okay? Where are you? I'm at a Starbucks, grabbing lunch.
There's a Starbucks in Kabul? Yeah, there's two, actually.
But this one has a really good brie sandwich.
Listen, I got some great news I've located your source.
Ahmed Zahir is alive and well and willing to sit down with me on-camera.
That is fantastic! Why did he disappear? Things got too hot.
He had to go underground.
But he's definitely got proof that the Pentagon has been covering up what's been going on out here.
Mom is that a sweater on the dog? Benny was cold.
Are you bonding with him? We just tolerate each other.
- Oh, no! - What happened?! They forgot my cinnamon.
Mom, I got to call you back.
I'll talk to you soon.
This is a very disturbing tableau.
Rise and shine, people! Up and at 'em! Why are you yelling, Miles? You were asleep.
And not in a "cute little baby" way.
More in a "5:00 a.
Vegas bus station" way.
It's her fault.
She was calling me all night long, worried about Avery.
I know.
When she wasn't calling you, she was calling me.
And me.
You guys are making me sound like such an obsessive, which I am not.
Oh, really? The electrical department did not appreciate you moving their lights around.
My head was hot! We are all glad Avery's safe.
But I went out on a limb and promised Diane a story as big as the Pentagon Papers.
If Avery doesn't come through, you're all invited to my second bris.
Well, I have a story I'd like to pitch.
I want to interview Mike Pence, one-on-one.
Good luck with that.
I tried.
He won't allow himself to be alone in a room with a woman, unless it's his wife, who he calls "Mother.
" What is up with that? Well, I've been talking to some of the young women on the VP's staff, and they don't get to have any private lunches or meetings with him, like the men do.
And it's hurting their opportunities to move up the ladder.
It's not gonna happen, Corky.
You know, I have an advantage you don't, Murphy.
He can relate to me.
I'm a God-fearing, good Christian woman.
And when was the last time you were in church? Two months ago.
It's my polling place.
Good morning, everyone.
Congratulations on a very adequate show today.
And where are we on Afghanistan? It's totally under control.
We found our missing source.
Everything is back on track.
Silverberg, I've noticed that when you're trying to put one over on me, a big vein in your neck bulges.
As it's doing now.
A-A-Actually, that's a sign that my cholesterol level is elevated.
I had a cheese blintz for breakfast.
Bulging like a deer tick on a dog in summer.
Diana, he's not trying to snow you.
My son is in Kabul.
He's located the source, and he's agreed to go on-camera.
Why didn't I know about this? Avery Brown, who went off the rails at the Wolf Network you hired him? No, he went over there on his own as a freelance reporter.
Just to be clear, CNC isn't footing the bill on any hotels, transportation, meals, hostage money Okay, that is enough Diana.
We We should be thanking Avery.
Maybe you don't realize how dangerous this situation is.
I do know how dangerous Afghanistan can be.
I meant dangerous for you.
Murphy, sit.
Diana, Avery is gonna come through for us.
You have my personal assurance on that one.
I can still see it, Silverberg! I need to invest in some turtlenecks.
Miguel! What are you doing? I'm putting up the decorations for the big New Year's Eve party.
We're not having any party.
It's bad for business.
Oh, sure, over the holidays, everybody eats and drinks like there's no tomorrow.
Then January 1st rolls around, and they realize that they've become fat drunks.
So for the next two weeks, nobody orders anything except club soda and lettuce.
It's not worth it.
No party.
But 2019 is a big year.
It's the 100th anniversary of Phil's.
How'd you know that? Um, "Established 1919" plastered on the window, the place mats, the cups your chest.
And check out all this cool stuff I found down in the basement.
It's like a museum down there.
I'll bet you anything this was Jackie Kennedy's.
Or J.
Edgar Hoover's.
And check out this napkin.
It says "To Phil, the best martini maker in town.
" Signed FDR.
This must be worth a fortune.
Hey, you're right.
Maybe after New Year's, I will sell it and buy myself a vacation in the Bahamas.
In the meantime, take the rest of this junk downstairs, along with the decorations.
Uhp! Sorry.
I got it.
Oh, no.
Ahoy, Phyllis! Permission to come aboard? Permission granted.
Welcome back, big guy.
Are you in town for a while? Yes, I am, and looking forward to Phil's annual New Year's Eve party.
I imagine this year, it's gonna be a humdinger, being the centennial.
I-I-I hate to tell you this, Jim, uh, but there's not gonna be a party.
I don't understand.
I-I just don't feel the same way about this place as everybody else does.
My parents spent day and night here.
I was 5 before I realized that "Scrape the gum from under the table" wasn't a birthday-party game.
But this bar's history means a lot in this town.
Hunter S.
Thompson and Pat Buchanan Total opposites Used to drink together right at this table.
Once, Thompson's gun went off and blew a hole in Buchanan's Bible.
And they laughed! Ah ha ha! Oh, hi, Mr.
Welcome back.
Hello, young Pat.
What the hell are you wearing? Winner, best ugly Christmas sweater three years in a row.
I can't bring myself to take it off.
Well, I'm no expert on the gay community, but I'm guessing you're not going to get very far.
You would be surprised.
I've met a dancer, a prancer, and a delicious vixen named Rudolph.
And I see New Year's decorations are going up.
Yes! "Party" is my middle name.
Sorry there's not gonna be a party.
W-What do you mean? It's the 100-year anniversary.
I was just about to offer you the services of the world's hottest DJ Me, DJ Patticakes.
I can't hear anything you're saying over that sweater.
Look who's here! Jim! - Hey, Frank! - Hey! Murphy, I understand Avery has taken off for Afghanistan.
A regular chip off the old block.
I guess.
But I can't stop worrying about him.
I've got all this nervous energy.
I don't know what to do with it.
This morning, I brought in my neighbor's trash cans.
That's not me.
Do you think he'll be back in time for New Year's Eve? I don't know.
I doubt it.
You know, we had a tradition We would order Chinese food and watch "Toy Story.
" When he was a kid, his favorite moment was when Woody would say, "You are a toy!" Uh, guys, just a heads-up Phyllis doesn't want to have a New Year's Eve party this year.
- Phyllis! - What?! What do you mean, no New Year's Eve party? All of Washington is waiting for this.
It's a tradition.
- Yeah! - That's right.
And traditions mean something to people when times are tough.
Especially when it seems like your world is spinning out of control.
Geez, you people! Okay! I'll have a party! But know that I am doing this out of guilt and obligation.
Guilt and obligation are what holidays are all about.
Don't look at me like that.
I could sit still if I wanted to.
It's either this or you get another bath.
Oh, it's Avery! Avery! Tell me you've got good news.
Great news.
I am going to meet Zahir at an undisclosed location.
But where are you now? I am on the border of Pakistan.
Zahir has people after him, so he had to push deep into the mountains there.
He knows he could be killed.
Well, let his mother worry about that! This has gone too far! Well, do you want the story or not? Look, I've got a cameraman.
I'm ready to go.
This is Khaled.
I'm a big fan of your show "Morning News With Loud Grandmother.
" Is that what they call it there? Khaled is a film student.
Oh, yes, yes.
My biggest influence is Martin Scorsese.
"You talkin' to me?" "Taxi Driver.
" "You think I'm funny?" "Goodfellas.
" Yeah, well, put my son back on, or you can say hello to my little friend.
That's De Palma.
What was that, Avery? What happened? Uh, I think the envoy's here.
They probably want my phone, right? I think they got to take my pho Avery! Where is he? It's almost dawn.
I am also concerned.
We've already missed "magic hour," the time of day when the natural lighting is most conducive I don't care.
I'm so glad you could make it.
I'm Avery Brown.
I have 15 minutes.
Not a second more.
Uh, okay.
Well, then, let's just dive right in.
Please, have a seat.
Uh, please introduce yourself.
My name is Ahmed Zahir, of the National Directorate of Security, Afghanistan.
I have in my possession documentation, memoranda, and e-mails showing that the Taliban have reclaimed far more territory than you are being told and that Afghan military and civilian causalities are significantly greater than reported.
Khaled, what are you doing? What's called a "canted" or "Dutch" angle, famously used by Carol Reed in "The Third Man.
" Adds tension to a scene.
We are hiding in a mud hut where a drone strike could get us any second.
We don't need any added tension.
Shh! Kill the light.
They are doing a sweep.
Hopefully, they will pass us by.
This is like the scene in John Carpenter's "Halloween.
" - Shh! - Shh! Happy New Year, Phyllis.
Hey, Julius! What can I get you? I heard there was a specialty cocktail.
That's right.
My brother Phil used to greet everyone coming in here with a "Hey there.
" So when you knock this one back, you go "Whoa! Hey there!" Hook me up with one of those.
Yep, during the holidays, I eat and drink whatever I want.
But starting tomorrow, nothing but club soda and salad for the next two weeks.
That'll be 50 bucks.
Hey there.
Isn't this grand, Phyllis? Look around you and feel the magic that is Phil's.
I see people on both sides of the aisle hoisting their glasses, actually finding some common ground.
Yeah, we all hate the music! And those were sounds from my silverware drawer set to a house beat.
Thank you! Play "Y.
"! I'm not a whore.
Whoa-ho-ho! Look at this place! Crazy! I can't believe you guys talked me into coming to this night.
I'm so not in a party mood.
Aw, none of us are.
But it's better than sitting at home worrying about Avery.
How do I not worry about him? I haven't heard from him in days.
I know, but like you said, traditions get people through the tough times.
He's right, Murph.
I mean, we met in this bar summer of 1977.
And here we are, 42 years later, still you and me, closing the place down, sharing a cab, each of us going home alone, no sex.
God, I hate New Year's.
I'm gonna see if Phyllis can make me a virgin Hey There.
Hey, Fontana! Happy New Year! Hey, hey, hey! O'Donnell! I haven't seen you in this place in a long time.
I wouldn't miss the big celebration.
And by the way, thanks for that contribution you made to my charity, the K.
Every $10 helps.
You know, that was all I had on me.
It was a check.
I gotta go.
Ugh! Look over there.
Diana sitting alone in a booth.
You should go over and say hello.
Why me? She's like a female praying mantis.
She looks so lonely.
Fine, but if she bites my head off and lays her eggs in my neck hole, I'm blaming you.
Slugger! I'm so pleased you decided to show up.
Well, I didn't want to come at first, but now I'm glad I did.
Wonderful to see people of all stripes getting along.
Maybe there's hope for this country after all.
If we could only learn to listen to each other with an open mind and an open heart.
Unless it's to Ted Cruz.
Man is a boil on the ass of humanity.
Oh! Is that Andrea Mitchell? Hey! Andrea! It's so good to see you.
Happy New Year.
It's so nice of you to honor Phil's.
I had to.
This place means so much to me.
I know you came here the night you broke the news that Dan Quayle was going to be Bush's running mate.
I broke the news.
You broke the man.
Silverberg, what are you doing? Are you lurking? No one likes a lurker.
Just came over here to wish you a happy New Year.
People are usually afraid to approach me.
I'm not sure why.
I see myself as a warm, open person.
Don't you? S-Sure.
Who am I kidding? No one likes me.
It's because I'm tough.
I have to be I am a woman of color running a major news organization.
I'm a unicorn.
30 years ago, I was the youngest person producing an important news show "FYI" With a huge star who, every day, made me prove myself.
Is it possible, Silverberg, we have something in common? Please, clear a path.
Vice President Pence is making an appearance.
Oh, my God! The Vice President is here! This is my chance.
Corky, give it up.
It is a road to nowhere! Excuse me? Excuse me? Vice President Pence? Can I ask you a couple questions? Back off, ma'am! I don't want to have to kill you on New Year's Eve.
That's a little harsh! It's all clear in there, Mr.
Vice President.
Vice President Pence? I'm Corky Sherwood from CNC.
Why do you allow the male interns to work with you after hours but not the females? And are you aware that this practice is harming their careers? Clear the way! I did it! I did it! I was alone with Mike Pence! I asked him a question! Women rule! Happy New Year! Hey, Phyllis, another great story to add to Phil's history book.
And it happened on your watch.
Yeah, I've been listening to people's memories of this place all night.
People met their future husbands and wives here.
They announced their candidacies.
I guess I didn't understand how important this place is.
Well, here's another memory.
I just served a drink to a senior partner at one of the biggest law firms in town.
We started talking, and she offered me a summer internship.
That'll get me into a good law school.
You see what I've been saying, Phyllis? This place is magic.
I'm beginning to think it is.
I don't recognize this number.
Maybe it's Avery.
You guys, could you keep it down in here, please? You guys Shut up!! Thank you.
Hello? Avery! Where are you? Are you okay? What? I can't hear you.
You're safe? And you're heading home? You're cutting out again.
Avery Agh.
Well, the reception was spotty, but he's safe and he's heading home.
That's great.
Now, that's something to celebrate.
But I'm gonna head home now.
I-I get it.
But, Murph, before you go, there's something I have to say to you.
I know you and me Our friendship - I got it.
- I know.
Happy New Year, buddy.
Happy New Year to you.
So, what do you think, Diana? It's a new year.
Is it possible we could press the reset button, start a whole new relationship? I'm just a girl, sitting in front of a boy asking him to get the Afghanistan story on the air.
Okay, people, we're going to New Year's in 10 9 Oh.
Force of habit.
8 7 There's no smoking in here.
I'm not smoking.
That's where you're wrong.
2 1 We never speak of this.
It never happened.
Did you just see that? See it? I got it on video.
I got it on slo-mo.
I know two guys who are getting a raise.
Happy New Year.
- Hey there.
- Hey there.
Benny! Where did you get the hat? Hi, Mom.
Oh, my God! Avery! When I talked to you on the phone, you were in Afghanistan.
No, no, no, no, no.
I called you from the cab as I was getting in from Dulles Airport.
That's what I was trying to tell you, but, you know, between all the background noise and my burner phone breaking up Avery Robert Brown, you are in so much trouble! All right! I didn't talk to you for days! Why didn't you call me? Well, because I couldn't! Not until I got safely back to Kabul.
And then I jumped on the first flight, on a plane that was so old, it didn't have any Wi-Fi.
Well, I'm sure that if Benny had a tail, it would be wagging.
I know that mine is.
Come here.
Mom, it was amazing.
I got Zahir on video spilling everything.
And if anyone ever doubts him I've got it all right here.
My God.
Times have really changed.
The Pentagon Papers have become the Pentagon Thumb Drive.
Now the DVD is all set up.
Shall we begin? I don't want you falling asleep before Woody meets Buzz.
Oh, ye of little faith.
I'm gonna make it at least through the crane game.
All right.
- You are a toy! - You are a toy!