My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011) s01e13 Episode Script

Re-Vamped

Of course! The one time we get free pizza is when your mom is treating us.
The guy still has - two minutes and 49 seconds.
- Pfff! Zero chance in that rust bucket.
Which reminds me, limo or jet pack? - What? - Our ride to the "Fly off to the Moon" dance.
You already know my pick, but do you think the chicks will dig a stretch? - What chicks? - Jet pack it is! - Benny, I think I'm out.
- What?! We gotta go! Party, possible chicks, jet packs! I don't know.
Ever since we dug up the cubile animus, and then Sarah got possessed and trashed the house, - I've kinda felt like laying low.
- You can lay low when you're dead.
These are the best years of our lives.
- Really? - I really hope not.
Coming up! Add another name to the Whitechapel's list of missing persons.
Who is it? Stand by! Missing person? How about my missing pizza? I'm calling it in.
OK, Mom, I'll be home by 11.
No-- Don't bother.
I'll just grab some fast food on the way.
In fact, it just showed up.
Bye.
[Fangs shooting out.]
[Growling.]
[Hisss!.]
Find your own table.
This one's taken.
O-M-G! You're back.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but not in a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
What you get is what you see.
No more "Maybe it's Maybelline" She can give you everything you need.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but not in a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
Attention, students! Please remember that the staff parking lot is for teachers only.
That pizza place owes us big time! - Give it up, Benny.
- We were stood up, E.
Now I have a gaping, pizza-sized hole right here.
You guys hooked up for the "Fly off to the Moon" dance yet? Know any honeys with a hot sister or smoking second cousin? Pshh! This guy's going stag.
Gotta keep my options open, you know? Loser! You should ask Sarah.
Yeah, hmm What? I did the math.
You've got like a one in 2,173 chance she'll say yes.
I can't believe you have a date for the dance.
I thought you were done with boys from our school.
Who says he's from our school? Why can't we just go out and do something fun? Like those girls.
They told me they were going to the beach.
For some sun.
That sounds like fun to you? Fine! Forget I mentioned it.
Well! Hello, Sarah! You ladies going to the dance tomorrow? Not with you dorks.
I'm off to the zoo.
It's feeding time.
Hey, are pandas still endangered? [Together.]
: Yes! Bummer.
So, you two off to some wild after-school "dork-athon"? No.
For your information, we are Yeah, chess club.
Oh! Laser chess.
And we gotta go before all the good lasers are taken.
- So - You can come if you want.
Hey, I'm not that desperate.
Besides, I have to study.
Studying for what? Vampire History? - Ha! Ha! Ha! - Ha! Ha! Ha! I've missed so much class, Mr.
G says I'll fail the whole semester unless I pass the make up tests on Monday.
Have fun at your club.
She's gotta relax.
Count Dracula never had a degree.
And he owned a castle.
Come on, genius.
[Man's voice in her head.]
: Come on, Sarah.
Can't you feel it? Your body knows what it wants.
[Voices of students.]
[Big sigh.]
Hey, Sarah.
You ok? I'm fine.
Just studying too hard.
Relax! You'll get, what, a million chances at high school? I mean, who cares if you flunk this one? I care! I have things I want to do in my life.
You know, in case I get cured? Sorry, he didn't mean to-- You know, Ethan can help you study.
I mean, he's about as big of a geek as they come.
- Even for a freshman.
- Hey! He's right! Maybe you could quiz me? Sure, it's Friday, so, you're coming to babysit Jane anyways, right? Thanks.
This stuff must seem like a total waste of time to a vampire, huh? - I'm a fledgling.
- Still.
It's like Superman taking midterms.
You're practically immortal.
Who cares about grades? I do! I used to have a life before this.
Now I have nothing.
- Oh! You have me--and Benny.
- You guys are gonna grow up, get a job, get married, have kids.
I'm gonna be 17 forever.
Well, on the bright side, maybe you can babysit my kids one day.
Sorry.
Not funny.
Undead is the perfect word for me.
Not dead but not really living.
OK, next chapter.
[Nervous laugh.]
Plate tectonics.
It's no use.
I can't do this right now.
I'm too tired and my neck is killing me.
Where? [Growling.]
You think your parents would mind if I left early? - I have a tonne of work to do.
- No, no, it's cool.
Hey, Sarah Never mind.
See you at the dance tomorrow? Sure.
[Door opening and closing.]
[Growling.]
Hello? [Clanging of garbage cans.]
[Meow!.]
[Sigh.]
- Erica? - I'll give you one more guess.
Jesse?! Do it! Come on.
Finish me off.
Can't do it, can you? You're torn between 2 worlds.
You're not one of them.
Not truly one of us.
Shut up! You're so beautiful and strong but so alone.
We're the same, you and I.
I'm nothing like you.
Huh! Oh, but you are.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Look at you.
An immortal studying for finals.
It's midterms.
Ah! You're weak.
You spend months disembodied underground and see how you feel.
[Hisss!.]
I'm not here to hurt you.
I have a proposal for you.
In a few days, when I'm strong enough, I'm leaving.
There's nothing for me here.
Except you.
Join me.
- We made a great couple.
- Yeah, until you bit me! I'm not going anywhere with you.
In a few years, even those little dorks will leave you behind.
You'll be stuck in high school for all time.
- You're a vampire.
- No, I'm not! Join me.
We'll travel the world immortal and all-powerful.
All it takes is one tiny little human life.
Will you leave my friends alone? You have my word.
You can have three days to think about it.
And how will I find you? Text me.
Until next time, my fair fledgling.
Ow.
- This? - Where we going? Paintballing? - How about this? - You still wear plaid? Oh, come on! Ah! - How about this? - That's it! We're rolling in style.
We are renting tuxes.
Let's see.
Ow! Cubile animus? [Deep breath.]
Oh, no! No, no, no, no.
- Oh, chill! It will be awesome! - Benny? I haven't rocked a tux since Jeremy Pelzman's bar mitzvah-- Benny, what is this doing in my closet? I told you to put it somewhere where no one would ever find it.
Have you seen your closet? Benny, I had a vision.
When we dug up the cubile animus, something got out-- or somebody.
Jesse! What? We totally vanquished him.
Yeah, well, then somehow we unvanquished him when we dug up the box.
You mean, he was in the box and we Are you sure? There's only one way to find out.
[Benny.]
: Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- We are so dumb.
- We are so dead.
We're gonna die.
Instead of wearing my tux for the dance, it will be to my funeral.
Which means we should probably buy instead of rent.
OK, we have to find Sarah.
Oh great! Now, we're gonna die twice.
First Sarah will kill us and then Jesse will! - Get a grip, OK? - I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! - Oh! Uh, Sarah, listen.
- [Sarah and Ethan.]
: Jesse's back.
- How did you know? - He just proposed to me.
- [Ethan and Billy.]
: What!? - Jesse's weak.
We need to take him out now before he gets his strength back.
We'll go tomorrow night.
But it's the dance! - We're coming.
Right, Benny? - He's weak? He can barely walk.
All right, I'll smoke this broke-down vampire.
- Again! - Yeah! OK, I'll set the meeting.
- You guys get the gear.
- OK! It's Jesse takedown 2.
0.
This time, we know what we're doing.
And we'll still have time to dance our way into the honeys' hearts.
That's right.
We can totally do this! Good, because Jesse wants to meet at the school for nine.
Perfect.
We are - super psyched.
- Heh Come on, fearless vampire hunters.
[Ethan.]
: Ok.
what do we got? - Holy water ball? - Check! - Garlic bombs? - Ugh, nasty.
Check.
- UV flash blaster? - Classic! Check.
Stake-o-matic? I don't know which one that is, but check.
OK, if we're gonna kick Jesse while he's down, we can't go halfway.
Do you think we need one more? - You think we need one more.
- Yeah.
[Buzzing.]
Oh! The "UV sunsaber XL.
" Check! You know, you don't think Sarah would ever go back tJesse, do you? No way! Why? Well, I had a vision.
She was lost in a fog and then she was over a body with blood on her mouth.
You don't think Sarah would ever turn, do you? Dude, she's been fighting it for this long.
Why would she change now? But you and I, on the other hand, have to change into these.
Guess it's been a while since the last I time I shopped at Fancy Frank's, huh? - Let's do ts.
- Yeah, time to kick some intergalactic butt! - Don't you mean vampire butt? - Check! Eight fifteen, we jet! Nine o'clock, eliminate vampire lord! Nine thirty, charm the chicks at the dance.
Woo! [Ding! Dong!.]
Oh! Look at you.
You look gorgeous! Come on in, I'll call the boys.
Ethan! [Sarah.]
: Oh, uh Hey, guys! You look adorable.
Come on! It's picture time! OK, you guys! One, two, three.
Cheese! Oh, come on, you guys.
You completely blocked Sarah.
I've got to take another one.
Come on.
Gotta go, Mom.
OK, have a good time.
And don't drink too much of the red stuff.
- [Together.]
: What? - Punch.
Don't they serve punch at high school dances anymore? - Bye, Mom.
- Bye.
Love you! [Pop dance music.]
Do you really think you should be drinking so much punch? The key to fighting vampires is to hydrate.
Really? Where do you get all this information? - Dusk.
- Oh.
There's Della! Wow! Should I ask her to dance? No.
Sarah's gonna give us a signal any second.
Then it's time to kick some butt.
Whose butt? - What are you wearing? - We're supposed to dress up.
- You said we're wearing suits.
- Not space suits, Rory.
You're just upset because you didn't think of it.
Ugh.
Oh! [Cell phone ringing.]
- Della's looking this way.
- It's Sarah.
Jesse's here.
- What! No.
What about Della? - Forget it, man.
We gotta go.
Grab the bag.
But before we go, I gotta go! Forget it! There's no time.
Come on, let's go.
Why did you make me drink so much punch? Hey, Della! You look "out of this world".
Nice suit.
I was worried You might not show.
Wouldn't miss it.
Jesse, come on! There's a smorgasbord of freshmen in there.
Sarah, what are you doing here? What we need to do.
Do not try and stop us! Who's us? Same us that killed you last time.
Good.
You got my invitation.
You knew I would bring them here? Of course, and you're not the only one who brought friends.
Too weak to fight your own battles, huh? Lame! Hey! If you wanna raise the stakes, fine.
We can do that.
Erica, what are you doing? We had a special chat earlier.
Erica, hold on to her.
Yes, I'll hold on to her.
Erica is in a trance.
- He's not as weak as we thought.
- Get him! Kramatak, vamkar You've got something else to say? I have to use the bathroom.
- Then go.
- I just did.
Argh! Ha! Ha! Ha! - Oh! - Wasn't part of your little plan, was it? Erica, listen to me.
This isn't you.
Jesse has you charmed but we have to stop this.
[Hisss!.]
Shut up.
I'm your friend.
Look into my eyes, please! Ow! What the heck? What's going on? Let him go! I don't care how cute you are.
No one puts me in a trance.
Why do you even care about this meat? In 500 years, you won't remember its name.
Come with me and be what you're meant to be.
Get it through your tiny bat brain.
If you hurt one of my friends, I will make you regret it, even if it takes a thousand years.
But I will never, never, be one of you.
We'll see.
[Biting and blood sucking.]
[Gasping.]
[Moaning.]
Ethan! Now, either you become one of us or he does.
Your choice.
See you soon.
Ethan! No.
What's she doing? Saving him.
[Ethan.]
: Sarah [Sighing.]
Don't worry, honey.
Sarah got the venom out.
Your heart's still beating.
You're gonna be all right.
Yeah, but Sarah isn't.
- Benny, I feel terrible.
- What do you expect? You just got bitten by a vampire.
[Whispering.]
: Vampire.
Sarah gave us whatever chance she had at a life to save me.
She is really worth the 8 bucks an hour, your mother pays her to babysit, eh, eh? - Benny! - Just trying to lighten the mood.
There's nothing left for her now.
- He'll be OK, right? - Yeah.
Ethan's a rock.
When we were both sick with the pig flu, I was puking for like-- [Blow.]
Well, welcome to Team V, Sarah.
It might not be awesome at first but after a few decades or so-- [Blow.]
Ow! So, I guess we'll really be best friends forever now, huh? Enough with the girl gab.
Let's hit that after-party.
Welcome to the rest of your life, girlfriend.
When you're ready, we will be there for you.
[Sigh.]
She's the girl next door.
Nice but not in a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.

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