NCIS s13e20 Episode Script

Charade

1 TONY: Aha.
Would you like a glass of bubbly, Director? No drinking on the clock, Agent DiNozzo.
Of course not, sir.
And why deprive the politicians? Most of them have not had a drink since this morning.
Mrs.
Bransfield, nice to see you again.
Excuse me.
Hi.
You don't have a wristband.
Ooh, you got me.
No wristband.
The line was just kind of crazy outside, so we let ourselves in.
Name? I'm Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS.
We were expecting a Special Agent Gibbs.
(chuckles) Well, consider yourself lucky.
He's not really a people person.
He's more of a basement person.
The invitations are non-transferrable.
Uh, is there a problem, Miss? Marsden, Director.
Senator Kelly's aide.
Ah, Miss Marsden.
I'm sure that the senator wouldn't object if we had MAN: Director Vance, who let you in here? Thank you, Lisa.
You invited SECNAV, you invite us.
Senator Kelly, how's the racquetball game? Ah, still have a few good shots left.
You remember Senator Bransfield? Well, of course I do.
Nice to see you.
And this is one of our best, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.
TONY: It's a pleasure, Senators.
BRANSFIELD: Uh I Would you, uh would you excuse me a second, please? Excuse me.
(clears throat) It's good to see you, Leon.
Pardon me while I make the rounds.
By all means.
What the hell was that? (chuckles): I don't know.
I usually only have that effect on women.
Can't say I know a lot about her music, but she's Katy Perry.
She's got she's got the fiery hair.
Roar! (laughs) (Tony mutters) Ah.
Senator Bransfield.
Don't you “Senator” me, you despicable piece of filth.
What are you doing showing up here? We weren't supposed to meet till tonight.
I'm sorry? Oh, really? You're sorry? You will be if you ever try to contact me again.
You see that? I hope you choke on it.
NCIS 13x20 Charade @elderman TONY (whispers): $500.
$20,000.
USS Theodore Roosevelt.
Taken.
USS Constitution.
Also taken.
USS Fortitude? Ooh, I like that one.
Mm-hmm.
It conveys strength and determination.
No.
It's already taken.
Damn.
Yup.
Minesweeper in World War Two.
What about you, Tony? A little busy right now.
BISHOP: Doing what? Okay.
Tony.
I don't want to play.
Look, we're naming aircraft carriers, okay? Whatever comes to your head first.
Don't even think about it.
Just whatever comes to your head first.
What is it? Peanut.
What's the second thing that pops in your head? Brett Favre.
Okay, does this look like the USS Peanut to you? The USS Brett Favre? Make him stop talking to me.
Tony, this is important.
A new aircraft carrier is being announced next month, and SECNAV is holding a contest to name it.
Tony, do you realize what a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity this is? You get to emblazon the name of your choice on a state-of-the-art, nuclear-powered vessel that's protecting the greatest country in the world.
Let's put a pin in that, McMilitary, and talk about my problem.
$20,000.
And why is that a problem? Because technically, it might be stolen.
By who? By me.
DiNozzo! Oh, hey.
You're here.
That's good.
Gibbs, what's the matter? I just got a phone call.
A deputy in Virginia just found an NCIS special agent dead in a car crash.
Oh, my God, that's terrible.
Who died? You did.
TONY: Yes, that's my name, but it's not my photo.
It's obviously a fake.
How do I know you're really you? How do I know you're really you? Hi.
NCIS Special Agent McGee.
Um, where'd you get the badge? Front pocket of the driver's jacket.
He's deceased.
Mm.
Yeah, we gathered that.
Um, can we take a look at that? Seeing as the victim is not an actual NCIS agent, and seeing as he died within our jurisdiction, sheriff's department will take lead in this investigation.
How is the investigation going? Special Agent Gibbs.
Deputy Sheriff Hicks.
So talk to me, Deputy.
A one-car crash, broad daylight.
My guess, the guy was drunk.
Or asleep.
BISHOP: Gibbs! Over here! Skid marks.
Two sets of them.
Here and over here.
There was a second vehicle involved.
McGEE: Hey, boss, got something you got to see here.
White paint.
Looks like our victim got tapped by another vehicle.
Maybe forced off the road.
How's that investigation going now, Hicks? Guess it could have been a hit-and-run.
Guess we'll have to take a closer look.
DUCKY: Investigators don't guess, Deputy.
They study.
They analyze.
They make inferences based on evidence and facts.
What do you got, Duck? DUCKY: Well, what happens when a immovable object meets a unstoppable force? In this case, the driver was pinned under the steering wheel.
Other than hypothesize, I'm going to wait until the firefighters extract his body.
Found something! (grunts) (sighs) What's inside? I don't know.
But I think I know.
That's evidence.
(sighs) HICKS: So, uh So DiNozzo was rich, huh? Living the dream.
TONY: Yes, “fraud” is a really good name for it.
Can you please cancel the card? Much appreciate it.
Huh? Oh, I'd love to take a survey.
A United States senator gives you $20,000, and you don't think to mention it? I wanted some answers first, boss.
What do we know? BISHOP: Our victim's name is Scott Byers.
Hmm.
Uh, technical issues.
Please stand by.
Scott Byers is, uh, 35 years old, lived in Roanoke, Virginia.
Part-time waiter, part-time Uber driver.
No prior record.
And no apparent connection to Senator Bransfield.
Never even voted.
How'd he get DiNozzo's badge and I.
D.
? TONY: Don't look at me.
I didn't give it to him.
Well-made forgeries.
We're looking into known counterfeiting operations.
BISHOP: Got it.
Loose connection.
TONY: Oh, wow.
Really is a Phony Tony.
BISHOP: Now we know why he stole Tony's identity.
McGEE: Working theory is that Byers impersonated Tony, ran up the cards, and then extorted Senator Bransfield.
You find Byers' cell phone? No.
Maybe he didn't have one, which seems odd for a blackmailer.
So what did he have on Bransfield that was worth paying 20 grand? Yeah, that's an excellent question.
And I just hung up with the senator, who has very graciously agreed to come down and talk to us.
Oh, boy.
An object in motion tends to stay in motion, uh, in the same speed in the same direction, unless acted on by an unbalanced force.
That's Isaac Newton's Law of Inertia, Mr.
Byers.
You challenged that law, and now you know the rest.
Ah, Timothy.
What a pleasant surprise.
Hey, Ducky.
I am playing the part of Gibbs today.
And this fellow's playing the part of Anthony DiNozzo.
Who knew that DiNozzo had a stand-in in the wings? So what do you got? Massive damage to multiple organs.
Severe hemorrhaging.
Death was due to blunt force trauma from the car hitting the light pole.
So it was the car crash that killed him.
Indeed.
Oh, and also I located Mr.
Byers' missing cell phone.
Oh, that's good news.
We need to find out who he was in contact with.
Phone is in the bowl? Most of it.
The rest is embedded in his quadriceps.
What, the phone was inside his leg? It was in his pants pocket.
It shattered when the car crashed, and the pieces, I say, embedded in his thigh.
Well, so much for getting those contacts.
I think it's safe to say that his last contact was with the pole.
(chuckles) I made a joke.
Wow.
You cut the car in half.
No.
(chuckles) The firefighters did.
They were already slicing it up to try to extricate Phony Tony, so I just asked them to go ahead and bisect it.
It's easier to work like this.
Oh.
Well, tell me you found something.
I found something.
BISHOP: A scrape? To the naked eye, it is a scrape.
But inside, at ten times magnification, we find chlorine and ethylene.
Do you know what that is? Gibbs is really good at my games, but you'll catch on.
So So it's the chemical composition for vinyl.
What's made out of vinyl? Records? Bumper stickers.
Oh.
I bet this shred scraped off when the two cars collided.
Can you tell me what the bumper sticker says? Based on a shred that's 3.
2 millimeters long? No.
Ooh, you have something else, don't you? I do.
And you know that because you saw my spectrophotometer.
Visible light is measured in nanometers.
That's a billionth of a meter; it's very small.
But with this machine, my Spectro Spectrophotometer.
It's got a color analyzing wheel and inference filters and a stepper motor Abby.
Get to the good part.
Okay.
Well, put this on the color, push a button and ta-da! Arctic Beach.
That's the color.
It was really common in luxury European models in the early '70s, so if you can find an old white BMW or Mercedes with a dent and a torn bumper sticker, you'll find your killer.
Thanks, Abby.
Thank your gizmo.
Thank you, gizmo.
Senator, I'm truly sorry for any misunderstanding.
It's, uh well, it's kind of funny, when you think about it.
Hilarious, even.
Not hilarious.
It's kooky.
(knocking on door) Come in.
Senator.
Hilarious.
I'm truly sorry for any misunderstanding.
Anyway, here we are, conference room.
Now we get to confer.
Jason, will you wait outside, please? That's a good idea.
You got a lot of nerve pulling me in here.
Now, you listen to me, you son of a bitch.
I'll give you $20,000 more.
That is my max.
(door opens) Special Agent Gibbs.
Senator.
Thanks for coming.
Special Agent DiNozzo get you up to speed? Well, I was just explaining to the senator that, um, he was being blackmailed by an imposter who stole my identity.
And we are returning your $20,000, not a penny short.
(chuckles) How long has this extortion been going on? Uh, several weeks.
He would ask me to put the money in a trash can over at the soccer field.
I never met the guy, obviously, so You saw me at the party; you thought that I came to collect the money personally.
Yeah.
We'd like to access your phone and e-mail.
Trace your correspondence.
Well, if I gave you access to my phone, you'd find out why I was being blackmailed.
(sighs) Look, gentlemen, I'm I'm not proud of this.
I'm hoping it doesn't go public.
But if it helps you catch that bastard Okay.
There you go.
Actually, Senator, your blackmailer is dead.
Someone ran him off the road yesterday.
Well Looks like my little problem is solved, huh? Am I free to go? The guy stole my identity, Senator.
We still have a murder investigation.
Well, my office wishes you nothing but luck.
(sighs) Gibbs I did something bad.
How bad? Bad bad.
So I hacked into Senator Bransfield's e-mail while he was sitting in there.
The government should be ashamed of their firewalls.
Anyways, our trusted elected official cannot be trusted to keep his hands to himself.
TONY (chuckles): Oh-ho-ho.
That's not Mrs.
Bransfield.
He kept this e-mail? No, he deleted it.
I just un-deleted it.
But you have to see the note that came with it.
“You've been a naughty boy, Senator.
“Pay me $20,000 or I'm sending these to the press.
“Instructions to follow.
Love, NCIS Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.
” Well, it's kind of sweet.
He said “Love, Tony.
” You got any shots of the woman's face? No, sorry.
Can you get an I.
D.
on her? Well, sure, Gibbs.
I'll just push my “identify a stranger “based solely on the back of their head” button.
Why don't you just ask the senator who she is? Can't do that.
He'll know we hacked into his private e-mail.
Whoa! Gibbs.
You should see this.
Senator Bransfield just got a new e-mail.
“Senator, you stood me up last night.
“Now the price goes up to $40,000.
Same drop zone.
Love, Tony.
” Okay.
So either Phony Tony is sending e-mails from the grave or There's another Phony Tony.
Senator Bransfield, it's Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.
Yes, the real one.
Morning, Ellie.
Well, good morning, Tim.
Ah, the ship- naming contest.
I'm gonna win this thing.
(chuckles) How many names you got on there? I don't know.
Couple dozen.
It looks more like 50.
I got to tell you, the brainstorming session last night was out of control.
Delilah and I came up with so many choices.
We were up till late night researching each name's cultural, political and historical significance.
Um McGee, you know you're only allowed one entry per person? Okay.
Senators are on board.
You think Gibbs will go for it? Go for what? Um Come on.
Talk.
Gibbs, Senator Bransfield isn't the only senator being extorted.
McGEE: We traced the e-mail sent to Bransfield that Abby intercepted.
Same account holder sent extortion e-mails to two other senators.
Let me guess.
Senator Shawn Kelly? Explains why he ran away from me when we met at his fundraiser.
The other one is Senator Will Matheson.
The blackmailer's dead.
Senator Kelly's blackmailer is dead.
Let's call him Phony Tony number one.
Bransfield's is still out there.
Let's call him Phony Tony number two.
What about Senator Matheson? McGEE: Blackmailed by Phony Tony number three.
So, DiNozzo, you got your identity stolen three times? Ah, yes.
Uh, that appears to be the case.
But I'm gonna make up for it now, because I came up with a new plan to catch the remaining blackmailers.
When Matheson and Bransfield make their payoff later today, we will be there to arrest them.
We're not using United States senators as decoys in a sting.
Oh, no.
Of course not.
Gibbs, I'd like you to meet Senator Will Matheson.
Vote for me in November.
Senator Matheson, you remember Senator Bransfield? Good to meet you again, Senator.
Okay.
Let's go con the cons.
MAN: Score a goal! All right, guys.
MAN 2: Go.
Go, go! Let's go, girls! Come on, let's get one! All right! (crowd cheering, girls squealing) See any potential Phony Tonys? You mean middle-aged men with wandering eyes? You got the bird's-eye view.
(chuckles) BISHOP: Well, I see you.
A little grayer than normal.
Politics ages a man.
All right, I'm gonna do the drop.
Now, remember, he has to physically have the money before you arrest him, okay? Thanks for the bribery advice, Senator.
You're a little too good at this.
(sighs) Senator? Agent DiNozzo? That's me.
BISHOP: Here we go.
Homeless guy.
Doesn't really look like Tony.
McGEE: Well, give him a few years.
BISHOP: Ugh.
Not him.
$20,000.
It's all there.
Got a runner.
McGEE: Anthony DiNozzo.
Senator? MAN: You know, I got to say, uh, you don't really look like your picture.
(laughs) Yeah.
Well, neither do you.
You two are looking at 20 years for impersonating a federal agent and bribing a U.
S.
senator.
Whoa, whoa, no.
Hang on, hang on.
No, no, I didn't do any bribing.
All I did was pick up the money.
Yeah, sh-she paid me five grand to pick up.
Has the Tony show started yet? TONY: And who is she exactly? Bring popcorn? The chick that hired us.
Yeah.
She's the one that set all this up.
Is this a blonde chick? I I don't know.
I-I never met her.
Then how'd she hire you? Craigslist.
I'm an actor.
It was a casting call.
She said she really liked my head shot.
Yeah, yeah, she told me the same thing.
She was super nice.
Yeah.
Actually, she-she told me that I'd get to play a government agent.
You know, like-like Jason Bourne.
Instead, of course, I get Jason Boring.
Uh, look the point is, a week after she hired me, this arrives in the mail, along with your badge and I.
D.
, your credit card, your backstory.
I committed everything to memory.
(clicks tongue) Just like memorizing lines.
We know everything about you.
Yeah.
What's my mother's maiden name? Oh, that's easy.
Paddington.
And how long have I been working for NCIS? Yeah, long enough that you should be making better money.
Wait for it, wait for it.
Yep, you're pathetic.
I'm not even that good at memorizing lines.
You were easy! You have no life.
That's true.
Yeah, no wife, no kids, uh, no hobbies.
Same job, same apartment.
(chuckles): I mean, nothing changes with you.
What a fun conversation.
Yeah.
Hey, I've got an idea.
Let's call your boss.
Sorry, uh, no can do.
Mm-mm.
No, no, yeah.
She calls us.
Tells us when and where to pick up the money.
Where do you drop it off? (sighs) Bus station.
Massachusetts Avenue.
Locker 177.
Right, so there was one camera pointed at locker 177.
This is at 3:22 p.
m.
on Saturday afternoon.
There's the smaller Tony making a drop.
Tiny.
Then we fast-forward two hours ahead.
And here comes tall, handsome Tony.
He's really cute, by the way.
I mean, not nearly as cute as you are.
Not even close.
Okay, 11:54 p.
m.
, here comes our mystery woman.
Please tell me she turns around.
She turns around.
Oh, boy.
I know.
I think that is the woman that was kissing Senator Bransfield.
(sighs) Wait.
You know her.
Yeah, I know her.
I dated her.
Who the hell is she? I don't know.
You don't know? She was in your apartment.
I've had lots of women in my apartment.
This one stole your identity.
Did you happen to catch her name, DiNozzo, or is that not the way that dates work anymore? McGEE: Boss, she told Tony that her name was Leah Ramsey-- that's not her real name.
BISHOP: 18 Leah Ramseys have Social Security numbers in the United States.
Not one matches her age and description.
Does she have a phone, DiNozzo? Look, she gave me her e-mail, which I threw away, because I never intended to see her again.
Well, how did you contact her the first time? I met her at a bar.
(chuckles) Let me guess.
She approached you.
Well, they usually do, but I I was a target.
An easy one! BISHOP: So, we've got three extorted senators, uh, two arrested bagmen and one identified suspect.
And zero leads! Come on! We're smarter than this! (sighs) (whispers): I think we're in trouble.
Yeah.
Thanks for coming over, Abby.
I needed another set of eyes.
Of course.
It's an honor.
I haven't been to the inner sanctum in a while.
Welcome back to Casa DiNozzo.
I wish it was under better circumstances.
And I get to say hello to Kate and Ziva in their cute little bowl.
Yeah, Ziva's gained a little weight.
(chuckles) You can drop by anytime.
Senior does.
I think it's really sweet that you two get to spend more time together.
Maybe someone will start impersonating him, too.
So, how do you think Leah did it? I don't know.
I-I went to the kitchen.
So maybe in those 30 seconds, she used a flash drive or a camera on her cell phone.
Do you feel violated? Yes, and not the way I like.
Wait.
Tony you don't have a cat.
(chuckles): Oh, yeah.
That.
Or a dog.
It's a long story.
Yeah.
You pretend to have a pet to impress women.
So it's a short story.
I just don't get it.
You don't need to put on a show.
You are Very Special Agent Anthony freakin' DiNozzo, and you are a catch.
Maybe I just haven't met the right one yet.
Or maybe you're afraid of who you're gonna find.
Maybe.
I'm sorry, this is a waste of time, isn't it? I mean, it was over a month ago when she was here.
We're not gonna find any prints.
Look how clean I keep this place.
Don't give up.
I haven't even been in the bedroom yet.
We never made it to the bedroom.
We stayed right out here.
A little Sinatra, a little chardonnay.
God, she was good to go, too.
Oh.
Don't move.
Tony? Ha-ha! I hate chardonnay.
This has been sitting untouched for a month.
Do you know the last person to touch it? Leah? Leah.
$50 for one bottle of wine.
Well, she said she was a trust-fund baby, and so, you know, a little nice chardonnay instead of a screw top.
Hmm? You got her? Got her mug shot.
Got two mug shots, okay.
Elizabeth Elliot.
Arrested twice in Florida for writing bad checks and embezzlement.
(sighs) Run her Social.
Okay, so she's totally off the grid.
Her driver's license is expired.
And she hasn't filed her taxes since 2009 when she was a mortgage lender.
Whatever she's doing now, obviously doesn't hand out W2s.
(chuckles): Mm-hmm! Two warrants out for her arrest.
Means we're not the only ones looking for her.
But I'm gonna get this little kitty cat.
Oh, thank you.
All right.
I got it.
I narrowed down the list.
I've got one name left.
You ready for this? Drum roll.
(tapping on desk) The USS Hannibal Hamlin.
I'm drawing a blank.
Hannibal Hamlin.
Come on, Hannibal Hamlin.
Repeating his name isn't gonna make it magically happen, Tim.
Okay, he was the second most powerful guy in the United States for a period of four years.
Lincoln's vice president during the Civil War.
Hannibal Hamlin.
SECNAV's never gonna call a ship The Hannibal, unless it's christened with fava beans and a bottle of Chianti.
You I.
D.
'd her.
That's great.
Where you going? To find her and end this.
Where is she? I don't know.
What are you gonna do, just wander the streets aimlessly? Why don't you take your lookalikes with you? How many DiNozzos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Tell me you have something.
Tony I.
D.
'd the woman from his apartment.
And McGee and I have a theory on who killed our dead impersonator.
Okay, go.
Senator Shawn Kelly.
I hope you have evidence.
Circumstantial, but it's overwhelming.
All right, walk me through it.
Well, the extortion e-mails that Dead Tony sent to Senator Kelly refer to his quote, “military secret”" Kelly was an officer in the Navy? A lieutenant.
We did some digging and, in 1990, his ship was sent to the Gulf to fight in Operation Desert Storm, but he didn't go due to a medical discharge.
So? So, five years ago, the doctor who authorized that discharge recanted.
Said Kelly paid him to lie, so he could stay out of harm's way.
McGEE: It's an election year, boss.
Why would Kelly's opponents not have used that against him? Navy records are sealed.
But not to NCIS agents.
Explains why this woman wanted our Tony's identity.
I mean, only someone with access to classified military records could get that information.
Makes sense.
What else? Senator Kelly takes a lot of limos, but when he drives himself to work, he drives a 1972 white Mercedes.
That Arctic Beach? Don't know, but you see that? Parking decal to access Congress's private parking lot.
McGEE: We think the shred of vinyl that Abby found on Dead Tony's car isn't part of a bumper sticker, but actually that parking decal.
BISHOP: To find out, we need a warrant, but he's a sitting U.
S.
senator, so Get one.
Good afternoon, Officer.
Sir! Back in the vehicle! I understand.
I'm a federal agent in the course of an investigation.
I'm reaching into my pocket; I'm pulling out my badge.
Here we go.
Look at that.
There's me.
There's the badge.
Where's your government vehicle? What This is a rental car.
I'm test-driving cars right now.
I need that back.
You were going 45 in a 35.
When I ran your plates, they flagged.
Rental car company said the credit card used to procure the vehicle was stolen.
Stolen from me, not by me.
Uh-huh.
What, you don't believe me? I believe you could just as easily be the thief in all this.
You got beady little rat eyes like one.
(grunts) You're under arrest for impersonating a federal officer.
Okay, all right.
Listen.
You're making a mistake.
Bigger mistake was you playing fake agent on my watch.
Look, I Button it! TONY: Thanks for getting me, Tim.
Why do you smell so weird? I was seated between two guys who stole a hot dog cart.
Ah.
Sauerkraut.
Sorry.
I'll keep the windows open.
So you all right? Feel like my life is a charade.
Uh, not any more than usual.
I mean, you'd tell me, right, if I was losing my edge? The DiNozzo edge? 'Cause I feel like it.
I mean (laughs) I I get swindled by a bimbo.
I got Laurel and Hardy impersonating me.
What about the third guy? Is he a buffoon? Is that who I am? Tony, you're not losing your edge.
You've momentarily misplaced it, okay? You're getting it back.
Did a lot of thinking in the big house.
You weren't even booked.
You sat in the lobby.
Time passed real slow.
Honestly sometimes, I feel like I don't know who I am.
And it's strange, because she stole my identity, right? But I feel like I've already lost my identity.
I mean, what is this? Seriously, is this some kind of weird metaphor for my current psychological state? Look, I don't understand half of what you're talking about right now, okay? And we don't have time for an existential crisis.
Listen to me.
You are Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.
You survived the pneumonic plague.
You saved Gibbs from drowning.
But you know what? More than anything you're one of my best friends.
All right, looks like we tracked down the girl that got you into this mess, so enough with the Oprah.
Let's go get her.
Thanks, Tim.
BISHOP: This is a receiver transponder.
You'll be able to both hear and speak to us.
All right, cool! Ooh! (laughs) Whatever's happening here, I don't like it.
It's the only plan we got.
Which is? GIBBS: He's the bait.
Woman running the extortion ring texted him to arrange a meet.
We see her, we grab her.
Okay.
All set.
Ready, Freddie.
McGee and DiNozzo? Meeting us there.
Where are they? Uh, following up on a lead.
Didn't pan out.
So, listen, Stretch.
This isn't a game.
You got one shot at your friend.
No fooling around.
Don't worry.
I'm an actor.
Yeah.
That's what I'm worried about.
(birds chirping) Got anything? McGEE: Yeah, a blister.
Thought gardening was supposed to be therapeutic.
Why does Tony get to stay in the car? TONY: Trust me, it's not as fun as it sounds.
And I get to stay in the car because Leah, or whatever her name is, knows what I look like.
Remember? Hey.
What's he doing? BISHOP: Uh I guess he's hot? Sign of nerves? Ya think? (exhales) Okay.
What the hell? Bishop On it.
Hey.
Hey.
I don't want to do this.
Okay.
- Okay? Get ahold of yourself.
She's gonna be here any minute.
What? Okay.
I can't, I can't, I can't do this.
Oh, boy.
GIBBS: Abort.
Abort.
Now.
Get him out of there.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, there, that's good.
All right.
And the other Okay.
So much for Strangers in the Night.
Tony.
The one and only.
You said you were a cat person.
Yeah, well I said a lot of things.
You know, you're looking good, Tony.
(laughs) So are you.
But it pains me to say, Leah Ramsey or Elizabeth Elliott, you're under arrest.
And, you know, I imagined putting these on you; it was just under different circumstances.
Writing your confession? Mm.
My “get out of jail free” card.
Read it.
It's the story of how my friend Scott Byers was run off the road and killed by Senator Shawn Kelly.
So what? So go arrest him for murder.
Based on your word? He's a United States senator.
You're a scam artist.
(chuckles) Check my phone records.
Scott called me that night, freaking out.
Said the senator was following him, driving like crazy.
Then I heard screaming, and the phone went dead.
So what do you say? My testimony for my immunity? We don't make deals.
Fine.
Arrest me for extortion but let a killer go free.
It's just a matter of leverage.
I learned that negotiating mortgage loans.
Where you going? I'd be worried about where you were going.
Abby test the senator's car? Arctic Beach white.
And the parking decal? MCGEE: The car was recently repaired.
New fender, new parking decal.
So there's no way to definitively say if it was his car that ran Dead Tony off the road.
We may need her testimony to convict him.
We are not letting her walk, McGee.
We are absolutely sure that Senator Kelly did this? I don't trust a word she says.
BISHOP: How did she learn about the senator military secret? Journalists, political rivals-- nobody could dig this up, but some hustler figured it out? Doesn't make any sense.
She had somebody on the inside.
Someone who knew the senator better than anyone? DiNozzo, come on.
You're with me.
With pleasure, sir.
NCIS! Gentlemen.
Senator Kelly's on the Hill.
Can I take a message for him? TONY: Sure.
We got a message.
Tell him he's gonna need a new assistant.
TALL TONY (mouth full): Mm.
So Senator Kelly did not kill Dead Tony? No.
The senator's aide, Lisa, was driving the car.
The chick who hired us.
No, that was Elizabeth, who I knew as Leah, and she's the one who stole my identity and gave it to you clowns.
No offense.
None taken.
Why did Lisa run him off the road? Because Dead Tony was about to squeal and ruin their extortion operation.
Would you would you pay attention? Focus.
They were partners? Mm.
They worked at the same mortgage company.
TALL TONY: She's cute.
Yeah, total hottie.
2008, when the bubble burst, Lisa went to work as a senator's aide, and Elizabeth became a grifter.
So Lisa concocted a plan to blackmail her boss.
Mm.
Yeah, and it was so successful, they expanded operations.
Which is why they needed more Phony Tonys.
Us.
(laughs) Do-do you get it? Do do you see? Are those hot peppers? Oh, my God.
(Tall Tony laughs) How did you know they were my favorite, huh? Because they're my favorite.
Ah! (laughter) (sighs) So, uh, what happens to us? We'll put a good word in for you, but sorry, guys, you're gonna have to do time.
Brief, with good behavior.
Oh, my God.
No way.
No way! GIBBS: Bishop? Sorry.
Uh, it's nothing.
It's fine.
Oh, my God.
No way.
What? What is it? It's the ship-naming contest.
I'm a finalist.
The contest just ended.
How-how could they have made their decision already? I don't know, but they narrowed it down to ten.
I'm jealous.
Happy for you though.
Congratulations.
What'd you go with? Yeah, I want to see this.
A deceased, decorated war veteran.
USS Admiral John McGee.
My dad.
Thanks, Ellie.
You bet, Tim.
@elderman